(I’ll put a warning on this, simply because serious illnesses are some pretty sensitive content and I don’t wanna offend or unsettle anyone)
“Come here, Baby”, you heard Negan’s husky voice rumble as he stretched his arms slightly out, just enough for you to let your body fall into his embrace.
A content growl left his lips as soon as you cuddled against his warm chest, your eyes closing within the moment you felt his warmth and scent enclosing you.
Carefully, he began to tuck you in along with him beneath the dark blanket as his warm lips pressed a soft kiss on your forehead, letting a comfortable warmth settle in your body.
“You know what? I could stay like this for fucking ever. I’d just need someone to hand me some whisky and sandwiches here and there and I’d be just fine”, he quietly chuckled as your lips formed into a smile against the fabric of his white shirt.
“Oh and my dick buried inside your pussy or down your throat from time to time would be some fine shit too”, he added with another chuckle as you slightly shoved his chest with a small laugh.
“What? You can’t tell me that wouldn’t be awesome”, he mumbled with a big grin that was clearly audible through his words.
You opened your eyes again, grinning slightly as your glance met his warm hazel eyes just before you leaned in to kiss him slowly, your fingers entangling with the dark curls on the nape of his neck.
“Yeah, that would be great”, you mumbled quietly against his skin, his scruff slightly tickling you as his lips curled into a smile against yours just before you heard his deep voice rising again.
”Now I feel cheesy as fuck for saying that but maybe, maybe these happy fucking endings are still possible.”
Not for the both of you.
You could still hear Carson’s words ringing through your head over and over again, telling you that this knob you had discovered by pure chance was worse than just a swelling.
Tears began to burn in your eyes as you shifted on the leather couch, pulling your legs closely against your chest as the lump in your throat grew thicker.
You had never kept secrets from each other and you couldn’t keep this secret you had been carrying with you for a small while now hidden forever.
He was noticing your changed behavior, the rare becoming kisses and touches of yours, the way you tried to avoid him and your slowly running out excuses whenever he asked you if something was wrong
Nothing of this was fair.
You felt terrible for lying to him, for treating him that way but anytime you felt him coming close, anytime you felt him kissing you, anytime you felt him letting his hands run over your body or saw him looking with an affection filled glance at you it got clear to you how much you’d have to hurt him.
You were aware of that you would fight as long as you could, but you were also aware of that your chances to survive such thing in an apocalypse were vanishingly low and you couldn’t put him through this again.
You couldn’t put him through the torture of slowly losing a loved one again.
You had seen him in nights with horrible nightmares, the nights where he had heavily panting and with widened eyes ripped you out of your sleep to make sure that you were okay and no one had taken you from him like the cancer had taken Lucille.
In these nights, where tears ran over his rough cheeks, this big, strong man laid trembling in your arms, holding you as tightly as he could while his face was buried into the curve of your neck, his salty tears and his unsteady breath hitting your skin as your fingers ran through his dark hair, softly massaging his scalp and caressing the back of his neck until he fell asleep again.
But what now?
What would happen to him if the same thing would repeat itself and you were gone as well?
With a tight breath you stared at the coffee table just as the sound of the opening door let you flinch up.
Negan’s eyes immediately roamed over you, a certain tension lingering in his body as he walked closer, leaning Lucille against the couch before he leaned in to kiss you, almost testing, as if he wanted to check if you were letting him.
Slowly, you began to feel his hot breath on your skin as his his lips came closer, just until the moment the pain in your body was taking control again and letting your face shift slightly away.
An uneasy breath left Negan’s lips as he backed off, his eyes staring down at you as his glance seemed to gore through your body.
“Could you tell me what the fuck is going on?”, he asked with an uneasy undertone as you slowly looked up at him, seeing how his jaw clenched tightly as a rush of panic shot through your veins.
“(Y/N)? Would you fucking tell me now what the hell is wrong?”, he asked again through gritted teeth while a desperate sound swung within his voice as you didn’t answer while your mind formed into a mass of pure terror and the fear about what was to come.
“We haven’t fucked in god knows how fucking long, you don’t even let me fucking touch nor kiss you for fuck’s sake-”, he continued before he gulping stopped, his glance darkening even more as he pinched the bridge of his nose, a dangerous rumble wandering through his chest before he glared at you again.
“Is it someone else? Some goddamn fucker I know?”, he growled angrily, his eyes dangerously narrowed while yours widened as you stared shocked at him.
“What?! No, I-”, you stumbled, as you felt how your body began to tremble more with every passing second.
“Then tell me”, he loudly snapped, his jaw clenching again as you desperately searched for words, your breath quickening as his glance stayed stuck on you.
“Fine”, he hissed, grabbing Lucille as he began to angrily stump towards the door, just as you jumped up from the couch.
“Wait, I…”, you began, seeing him stopping and turning around as the lump in your throat grew thicker, the tears were back in your eyes as you stared into his.
“Negan,…I’m sick”, you began gulping, before you raised your unsteady voice again.
“I-I might have cancer…”, you said trembling, tears beginning to roll down your cheeks as his face went chalk-white within a second as Lucille fell out of his hands and met the ground with a loud thud.
“What?”, he almost inaudibly asked, his now bleary eyes still staring into yours as the shock and panic in him began to take over.
“I went to Carson because I found a knob and he…”, you began again, whimpers beginning to leave your lips as Negan’s chest went trembling up and down.
“You’ll be fine”, he mumbled, directly switching into the denial as he looked shivering at you.
“Negan, I-”, you began just before he cut you quickly of, painfully knowing what you were about to say.
“You’ll be fine”, he urged louder, still trembling as he walked closer.
“I-I’ll get anything you need, any fucking thing Carson needs to treat that shit or-”, he said, stopping as the lump in his throat grew too big while the tension in his body visibly grew.
Gulping you looked at him, fearing that his possibly false hopes would hurt him even more as you raised your voice.
“That’s not possi-”
“It is!”, he called loudly out, his glance stern for a moment, not allowing any doubt to conquer him before his eyes got soft again.
“I won’t let you d-”, he began more quiet, the tremble back in his voice as he ran a just as strongly trembling hand over his face.
“I won’t let anything happen to you”, he mumbled, gulping as he tried to keep the tears in his eyes from falling down his cheeks.
Slowly his hand reached up to cup the back of your neck, pulling you closer until he could lean his forehead carefully against yours as he closed his eyes while more trembling breaths left his lips.
Feeling how more small tears escaped your eyes your glance wandered over his sorrowful face just as your weak voice rose again.
“I didn’t tell you because…I just-…you don’t deserve to go through that again…”, you whimpered right before he backed slowly away, his eyes looking almost in pain filled disbelief at you.
“Baby, this isn’t about me and it fucking shouldn’t, not in any goddamn way”, he said gulping, his chest rising unsteadily before he sighed deeply, his brows puckering in a sad manner as a first tear rolled over his cheek.
“I-I don’t want you to be strong for me now, fuck...I’m gonna be fucking strong for you and you’ll take all of your goddamn strength into beating the shit out of this crap”, he said, his voice still shivering slightly as he stared at you before pulling you closer, his still trembling fingers lacing around your jaw as he lifted it to make you look straight into his clouded eyes.
“Please,…promise me”, he asked, gulping uneasily while his eyes filled up with more tears as you nodded slowly, trying to let the small ounce of hope you had left flare up.
Slowly, he pulled you deeply into his embrace, his hand running through your hair as he let your face bury into the crook of his neck.
“I love you. I-I love you so fucking much”, he mumbled as you felt a few of his tears wetting your skin while he pulled you that close against his trembling body as if his tight hold could stop the illness from taking you away.
“I love you too”, you mumbled back, feeling how new tears began to roll over your cheeks as you hugged him tightly back, as you knew that you would fight this fight for him.
Even if this fight might already be a lost fight.
(the gif isn’t mine/I found it on google/credit to the original owner)
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