An imagine about the 10th episode of season 8
After the events of the last night, Negan and the reader’s relationship has to undergo harder challenges before she finds out about Carl’s death
The dawn shrouded the forest and the high buildings of the Sanctuary into a faint light and soft fog as you arrived at its gates.
Slowly you stretched your limps out beneath the thick blankets, shifting uncomfortably on the improvised mattress in the back of the truck.
You hadn’t slept more than an hour at the most, your mind was still filled up with all the things that had happened in the past night, including your kiss with Negan, the way he had churned up fled after and especially the horror that had happened when he had come back to get his stuff.
You could still hear his harsh words, the dismissive way he had acted as well as you could feel his glare still burning into you.
And just the thought that you had to leave the truck in a few minutes and step out into reality let a small shiver run up and down your spine.
Slowly, you lifted yourself up, grabbed a small water bottle that had rolled beneath the bench next to you and swirled its cap off.
You took a few big gulps of the cold water, trying to give your body a bit of the fluid back the tears of the past hours had drained from it before you carefully let some of it flow into the palm of your hand.
With a small sigh you cleaned your face up from the tension the dried tears had left on it while you hoped that it would give your skin at least a little freshness to let you look as if you were fine and not the mess you actually were.
The sound of the squeaking gates filled the air as you left your little hide-away of the last hours completely, slipped back into your boots and shoved your jacket back over your arms just before the truck moved onto the compound.
Your glance wandered to the window as you watched how you passed some of the destroyed fences and eventually got to a part of the Sanctuary that was now completely cleared from any walkers that had roamed over the ground.
“We’re there”, you just heard the driver call into the truck’s back as the engines stopped.
A heavy gulp traveled down your throat as you stood up, not knowing what would await you as soon as you would step out before you heard the dull sound of your own footsteps echoing through the truck.
The fresh morning air hit your skin as you stepped out of the truck while you tried to keep yourself straight on your legs that had lost most of their strength to the exhaustion and lack of sleep that was stuck in your whole body.
“I’ve been ordered to get you to Negan’s apartment”, you suddenly heard a male voice say as your glance wandered quickly up to a man with a grey-streaked full beard whose blue irises darted right at you.
You weren’t sure if you were glad or not that Negan wasn’t the one standing before you now but for a moment the anger boiled back up in you, simply due to the fact that he was continuing his fleeing and instead sent a babysitter to take care of you.
“Alright”, you mumbled as you swallowed down the urge to growl that you knew the way very well yourself, knowing that this man hadn’t any fault in Negan’s shitty behavior.
The savior gave you a quick nod as he turned around and began to guide you towards one of the entrances.
From afar you could see Negan walking straight to another door, his brows puckered and the glance sternly directed to nothing but what laid in front of him.
Something in you ached just by looking at him before you forced yourself to look away and found yourself back in the hallways of the Sanctuary.
A strange tension laid all over the blue-eyed man you could only explain yourself with the things he had seen in the last night before you had left Alexandria.
Hell, you could still see them.
The blood overflowed Savior Negan had killed in full rage after this man had attacked you for helping Carl escape, his voice that had boomed loudly through the heated air and the way Lucille swung down to the man over and over again.
This Savior right now couldn’t have any idea that the night had taken other ways than the way it had seemed to choose after Negan’s show of protectiveness.
A small shiver ran down your back as you began to enter more and more familiar hallways that showed how close you got to the room that was filled up with thousands of things that were related to Negan.
The things you wanted to have the least around you right now.
“Here we are”, you heard the man eventually say as you stood in front of the heavy wooden door before you gave him a small nod.
“Thanks”, you said quietly as he looked for a short moment at you.
“Anytime”, he just mumbled, scratching over his bearded cheek and grabbed the handle of the door, just to push it down and let the door open.
“Gotta make sure you’re inside. Orders are orders”, he mumbled before you stepped in, a bittersweet chuckle stuck in your throat as you felt like a prisoner who had been just guarded to their cell.
The door closed with a dull thud behind you as you shook your head in disbelief.
So that was how Negan was gonna deal with it?
Keeping you in the apartment while he did everything to not cross paths with you?
Something in you asked yourself if he would come to his room as well but the thought of how he had behaved outside by the trucks quickly pushed the question back.
A part of you wanted to get the uncertainty out of your body, hear an explanation for why he did what he did and the other part just didn’t want to see his face for a good while.
For moments you just stood like that in the middle of the room before you gradually made your way over to the bathroom, hoping that the water of the shower wouldn’t only wash the last bit of blood off of your body and calm the bruises your attacker had left, but also let you get your head clear.
Layer for layer you shed the clothes off your body, just as you caught your reflection in the mirror.
The only good thing you could see was that you really couldn’t tell that you had cried before.
But you looked tired, played out, the choking bruises on your neck began to turn into different colors while the small wound on your temple was dyed into a dark red tone.
You let out a huff as you let your glance wander off the mirror before you slipped into the shower and turned the water on.
Within a second you felt the calming warmth rush down onto your body, a sigh leaving your lips as your aching muscles got some release and the shower began to manage to wash the thoughts out of your head.
And with each moment that passed you craved more of that feeling of being at ease.
You weren’t even sure how long you stood under the shower but at some point you found yourself laying on the bed, dried and with clean clothes on, leaning into the soft pillows while you tried to blend out that everything around you seemed to scream “Negan” and instead gave your body the possibility to finally get some rest.
You slowly closed your eyes, your mind and exhaustion fighting for the upper hand before the thoughts the shower had washed out began to find their ways back into your head, letting your mind swirl around Negan, your friends back home as well as Carl, Rick and your half-brother Daryl.
A knock on the door let your eyes snap open and your head snap up, while your brows puckered at its faintness as it repeated once again.
This wasn’t Negan, not even Simon.
You slowly sat yourself a bit more up, your glance stuck on the door as you debated with yourself if you should open it or just ignore the knocks of whoever was waiting behind it.
Just as it seemed like the person was already long gone, you heard another knock, accompanied by a voice that let your blood freeze for a moment.
“Negan?”, you heard Amber’s voice ask, soft and almost disgustingly sweet, as its sound let your stomach turn while your mind rushed back to your last encounter with her as well as to the deathly glare in her eyes.
You knew exactly that she couldn’t really stand Negan and only the fact that she got all kinds of privileges made her stay, but you also knew that you endangered her position on a great level.
Especially since you were sure that what Negan had done for you back at Alexandria had spread like a wildfire through the Sanctuary.
But now, your mind jumped to the painful thought that he might have been with them after last night’s event and that Amber was just the next part of keeping himself distracted.
“Negan?”, you heard once again, followed by two still faint but more urging knocks as you let out a huff, knowing that this knocking game would continue if you wouldn’t say or do anything.
Feeling how your stomach dropped even more you lifted yourself up from the bed and walked over to the entrance, a heavy gulp going down your throat before you grabbed the handle and opened the heavy wooden door.
“Negan’s not here”, you said as soon as the door was open before you had even seen her, but now you did and with that, your stomach dropped even more than it already had.
She was all dolled up, a deep red lipstick shimmering on her lips, while she was wearing the shortest of the thousands of black dressed she must own, the extravagant bra straps that were most likely purposely pulled out that much beneath her dress showed that whatever the hell she was wearing beneath it wasn’t some normal lingerie.
“Oh really?”, she asked with a testing and an exaggerated surprised undertone in her voice while she raised her brows as if she wasn’t believing you.
“Yeah, really”, you said dryly back, already beginning to slowly close the door a bit more before you heard her raising her voice again.
“Strange, most of the times after those hard days he wants more than just one of us with him.”
And with that your heart seemed to stop for a moment.
More than just one.
Did that mean he had already been with one of them or was Amber just playing games with you?
This and thousands of other questions rushed through your head and even though you tried to tell yourself that she was just trying to provoke you, a part in you that was bigger than you wanted it to be felt like it was dying in these moments.
“So if he’s not here, where is he then?”, she continued as you didn’t respond, while the feeling of nausea was still repeatedly washing over you..
“I don’t know”, you said with a small huff back, a mask of disinterest on your face while your body was actually turning into a mess of emotions as she let out a faint chuckle.
“Come on, you’re lying. Where is he?”, she asked again, more urging this time as your brows began to pucker, your hand clenched around the handle as the urge in you to shut the door grew with every passing second.
“I don’t know, now if you’d just-“, you repeated yourself tensely, beginning to close the door just before she quickly slid her high heel clad foot between the door and the door frame, her glare remembering you now at the one she had sent you a while back.
The anger in you grew while you exactly knew that you were after all what had happened yesterday and with the lack of sleep that was still torturing you far from being as levelheaded as you could normally be.
A huff left her lips before she rose her hissing voice once again:
“I said I think you’re lying.”
“And I think you’re annoying. Now leave”, you growled, the pain that was settling in your body mixing with the anger she was provoking in you which just let you grow even angrier by the thought that she was getting to her goal.
The door feel shut with a thud, Amber’s scoff sounded through it before you finally heard how the sound of her heels echoed through the hallway and slowly descended.
But while Amber was gone, the things she had said were still present and weren’t just hitting you over and over again, they also brought all the pain from last night back up.
You sunk down on the leather couch, tears beginning to fill up your eyes before you buried your face in your hands, trying to black out everything around you.
If this scenario had happened a day or two ago, you wouldn’t have taken her words serious, but now, after the way Negan had been the night before, you had no idea what you should think, nor feel.
Something about this situation felt like a small déjà vu.
It took you a good while back right to the day you had asked him why he had never intended to make you one of his wives and with that it also took you right back to his reaction after telling you that you were more to him.
The tension that had laid over him, the hours he had been gone after that, as he came back the way his hair had been disheveled that it looked rather like someone had gripped it than that he had run his hand tough it, the way he first relaxed after a cold shower.
Back then, the thought that he might be with his wives had for sure made you feel uncomfortable and tensed, but things had changed drastically since then.
At that time, you hadn’t known nor admitted your deep care for each other, you hadn’t known about Lucille and his regrets, he hadn’t known about yours, you hadn’t comforted and opened up to each other in an intense way, you hadn’t stopped lying to yourself that you were developing feelings for him, he hadn’t stopped going to them because he didn’t want to feel like he betrayed you and repeated the mistakes he had done with Lucille.
You simply hadn’t been so close and intimate.
Small sobs left your lips as you stumped against the leg of the coffee table, a part of you just frustrated and mad at yourself that you had let him come that close to hurt you.
Whatever it was that had lead him to this behavior, the simple feeling that you had opened yourself for him, something that was hard enough for you, and had build up such a deep trust for him felt like a sharp blade that was cutting repeatedly into your body.
For a moment, your watery eyes caught Negan’s gift, the thin diamond bracelet on your wrist and something in you just wanted to get it off your body but instead you slowly curled up into a ball on the couch, breaking in beneath the emotions that were prattling down on you as well as the exhaustion that made sure that your head pounded as if someone was beating you repeatedly up.
You had no idea how long you spent curled up like this, at some point you stopped crying and instead turned into a numb mess that stared outside the window until another, now harsh knock let you flinch up.
“(Y/N)? Here’s Simon. Got a delivery for you and I really wanna get this done fast, because I got a hell lot to do”, you heard him call tensely through the door as you lifted yourself with a small huff up and wiped the left tears on your face off of your cheeks.
With a gulp you walked over to the door and opened it, with your eyes casted to the floor, not intending to let Simon see how red-rimmed your eyes probably were.
“Got some salve for you. For that crap on your neck. Originally, I wanted to get Carson here but that guy’s probably with your friend in some other office. Anyway, here you go”, he said, pushing the same tube from last night into your hands as you nodded while your glance went for a short, but unintended moment up.
“You’ve been crying?”, Simon asked, an ounce of surprise sounding through his voice.
“No”, you said a bit too quickly back as Simon let out a disbelieving snort.
“Stress with the big boss?”, he asked, as you first looked up directly up at him, your brow perking questioning up.
“Now, we two might not be besties but I can put two and two together”, he said, a small grin on his lips as he gestured between the both of you before raising his voice up again.
“Negan’s being a big grumpy asshole and lets me run through the whole Sanctuary to get you this damn salve instead of giving it to you himself and you – well, you don’t look too jolly yourself”, he said, nodding up to your eyes as you let out a small huff.
“Anyway, I really have some stuff to do”, he mumbled, the tension from before back in his voice before he gave you a quick nod and rushed down the hallway, leaving you standing in the doorway.
Your glance wandered to the tube in your hands, a scoff leaving your lips as you walked back inside and shut the door behind yourself.
And just as you heard its thud you started to realize something.
You needed to get out, out of this room that began to feel like a cage that was becoming smaller with every passing moment.
Faster than your tired mind could think you found yourself on your way out, down the stairs that directly lead to a part of the Sanctuary that was build up like a small back courtyard.
Your eyes wandered over the hallways, a relieved sigh leaving your lips as you didn’t see any of Negan’s men before you pushed the handle of the heavy metal door that finally lead outside.
The bright sunlight dazzled you for a moment as you stepped outside and breathed in the fresh air as if it was the solution for all of your problems.
Contrary to the cool wind that was rustling through the courtyard, the rays of sunlight were warm and danced soothingly over your drained skin as you made your way further over the ground, closing your eyes for a moment as you craved even more of the warmth that you had missed for too long.
“What the hell are you doing here?!”, let you suddenly flinch up, a tight grip clenching around your wrist as you got turned around before your glance met Negan’s furious eyes.
“I needed a time out, just some fucking fresh air”, you hissed, still surprised and shocked that you had swayed that much in your trance that you hadn’t heard him coming.
Negan’s jaw clenched tightly, a sharp breath leaving his lips as his eyes narrowed dangerously.
“So you just fucking thought you could run around here?!”, he growled, his face that close that his hot breath which hit your skin, the touch of his hand and the way his eyes were goring though you let shivers run up and down your spine.
“Yes, I do”, you growled back, the anger in you replacing the shock that was now beginning to vanish as the leather clad fingers around your wrist tightened for a moment.
“And now let go of me”, you hissed, wriggling your hand out of his, your feet almost beginning to move on their own as you shoved yourself past Negan towards the metal door.
“Don’t fucking flee now!”, he growled loudly as his words made you immediately spin around.
“Says the man who’s been fleeing from me since last night?!”, you asked hissing, a tremble filling your body up as Negan looked at you, his jaw clenching again before a bittersweet chuckle left your lips.
“Oh yeah, right I forgot. You can do whatever the hell you want”, you growled dangerously calm, repeating his words from last night as you waited for Negan to hiss back, to maybe even yell but instead a deep sigh left his lip as his eyes narrowed some more.
“It’s not fucking safe here. Get back inside”, he growled, visibly trying to keep himself under control.
“No”, you just said back, not even thinking about giving him whatever he wanted right now.
A heavy breath let Negan’s chest tremble, the muscles in his cheeks twitched, the thick vein on his neck swelled and his brows puckered angered as he stepped closer until he towered over you.
“Follow the fucking orders for fucking once and get there”, he growled through gritted teeth as he glared down at you.
“So I can waste away in there while you go fuck your wives?”, the words came almost on their own out of your lips, the whole frustration, pain, anger and exhaustion speaking out of you as Negan’s breath seemed to stop.
For moments he just stared at you, the coldness of his glance beginning to thaw as some pain sneaked its way into his eyes.
“You really think I’d do that?”, you just heard him ask, the growl still clearly audible in his voice but by far not as present and as confident as he seemed to want it to sound through.
“After last night…after Amber came to search for you. I don’t know, Negan”, you said with a tremble in your voice while you gulped harshly as you felt the mess in you beginning to grow again before you forced yourself to shove yourself past Negan again and leave him alone in the courtyard.
For a good while you wandered through the hallways of the Sanctuary, somehow lost and without a plan where to go next.
The idea to pay Gabriel a visit vanished quickly out of your mind again as you remembered Simon’s words and realized that you wouldn’t find him anyway.
For the first time in a long while you felt alone again as you strolled through the Sanctuary, your legs beginning to grow even weaker with every step you took until you found yourself back at the apartment again.
That’s where Negan wanted you to be, sure, but that was for god’s sake not the reason why you stepped back into the room again.
You simply didn’t know where to go anymore, simply didn’t know where you else belonged than in this room that had also become your home over the last couple of months.
So you tried to keep going, tried to distract yourself with finding a way to sleep a bit which failed miserably just like the attempt to force yourself to finally eat something even though you felt no hunger at all.
Hours passed, the slowly setting in dusk turned the bright sunlight into a warm but faint state, at some point you heard the motors of trucks emerging before they hushed again and not much more than a half hour later familiar, heavy footsteps made their way closer to the door.
An urge in you forced you to stand straight up, as if you had to be prepared, while you heard a loud knock on the door.
“(Y/N)?…I know you don’t wanna see me but this isn’t about me or you right now…listen, I’m just…hell, I’m just here because I think that you need to know”, Negan’s voice brought out, the growl from before completely gone while you could clearly hear the tension that was stuck in him.
Slowly, you made your way towards the door, the curiosity in you urging you to eventually push down the handle before you saw Negan in front of you, his face dropped, genuine sadness laid all over him as he deeply sighed.
“Fuck…I-…”, he mumbled, searching for words as he stroked stressed over his stubble before he pushed himself to bring out the next words that made you feel like you were hit by a truck.
“What?”, your lips brought out, almost inaudibly, Negan’s words seeming so surreal while the way he looked at you told you that everything about it was painfully true.
“Rick called…Carl, he got bit before…before we got there. I…I’m sorry”, he said, a heavy gulp traveling down his throat as tears began to fill up your eyes as your mind began to realize that this wasn’t a nightmare, this was reality.
For the third time this day you shoved yourself past Negan, but this time your body was not filled with anger, this time there was just the feeling of pain and grief that washed over you.
A bit of you was still in denial, saying that this couldn’t be true, that this was not even possible.
You were losing another friend, someone who had even felt like a younger brother to you, someone who had been there from the very beginning of this all and someone you had seen leading Alexandria one day.
Tears rolled over your cheeks as you eventually found yourself back on the balcony alike platform at the end of Negan’s hallway, the metal door falling shut behind you as let yourself fall on the hard ground.
This wasn’t fair, this wasn’t fair at all.
“(Y/N)? You’ve ever eaten frogs?”, you heard Carl call out as he made his way down the water with Shane.
You still had to get a little more used to the bunch of unknown people around you, but the little guy who was rushing in a joy filled and jump-like walk down the lake was too cheerful to do anything else than like him.
“No”, you said, puckering the brows in a bit of disgust as you imagined eating a frog.
“Then you’re gonna today! ‘Cause Shane will teach me how to catch them!”
That boy had been through so much, had survived tons of things that would have killed most people and now, now a goddamn bite was ending his way too short life.
He deserved better.
“I’m the Sheriff now!”, Carl called out, parading around between the few trees on Hershel’s farm with the way too big hat on his head, before forming his fingers into an imaginary gun as he pointed it at Glenn.
“Watch out man! that’s dangerous!”, Glenn called playfully out, his hands rising up into the air before you let out a chuckle as a laugh left first Glenn’s then also Carl’s lips.
Carl adjusted his hat, before he walked closer and sat down next to you as you leaned yourself against a tree.
“You know what, (Y/N)?”, he asked as he fumbled at the edge of the hat.
“No, tell me”, you said, raising your brows as Carl jumped right back up on his feet.
“Because I’m the sheriff, I’ll find Sophia! And then I’ll protect all of us! ‘Cause that’s what Sheriffs do, right?”, he asked, a small smile on his lips as you let out a small sympathetic chuckle.
A small sob left your lips as you felt yourself breaking even more.
That all was way too much for you, the lack of sleep, the war that was continuing which was weighing hard on your shoulders, the stress with Negan, and now Carl’s death that gave you the rest.
Blood was covering your hands that still held the knife, Lori’s body had stopped twitching while the little baby in Maggie’s arms was letting out tiny sobs.
“We can’t leave her here. She’ll turn,” tears streamed over Carl’s face as those words left his lips while he held the gun in his trembling hands.
“Carl, I can-”, you began, a thick lump in your throat as you tried to find a way to ease him past more pain.
“No…She’s my mom”, he quickly said, his breath hitching as more tears streamed over his face while you slowly walked up the stairs along with Maggie.
More tears filled up your eyes as you realized what this little guy was about to do, before you urged your voice to bring some words out.
“I’m so sorry, Carl”
Sobs continued to fill the air, accompanied by small whimpers and the tears that ran over your skin.
For endless hours you had tried to find rest and now the terror in your head was getting worse, draining the last bit of strength left in your body out of your veins.
“He’s gonna come back”, Carl’s voice let you look up as you shifted on the prison-bed’s mattress, your mind still filled with the painful fact that Daryl had left with Merle.
“I hope so”, you brought out, forcing a small smile onto your lips as Carl stepped into your cell.
“We do what we have to do, right?”, he asked as he leaned against the wall and looked at you.
“Yeah”, you mumbled as you fumbled uneasily on a lose thread of your pants, just before you looked back up to Carl.
“And Daryl has to be here, he has to be with you, with us…so he’s gonna come back”
The sun was beginning to vanish and the night was slowly setting in as your sobs got quieter, your body not strong anymore to support them anymore as they got replaced by just as pain-filled small whimpers.
“I already beat Michonne. You’re not gonna win, (Y/N)”, Carl said, a smug grin on his lips as you walked along the rail tracks.
A half hour ago you had been walking lonely through the woods, hoping to find anybody back after the massacre at the prison and now, now you were reunited with three of your friends and battled for the better candy bar.
“We’ll see, Carl. We’ll see”, you laughed as you adjusted the belts of your backpack.
“So it’s winner’s choice again?”, he asked, already looking hopefully at the bigger one of the chocolate bars.
“Then let’s go.”
Your arms were slung around your legs, pushing them closely against your chest as you leaned your head against your knees, shivers rumbling through your body while your trembling breath hit the fabric of your pants that was wet from your tears.
“You’re trying wine again?”, you asked, looking at Carl as you sat towards him in the church, your friends around you laughing, talking and eating while Carl gave you a small questioning glance as he looked up from the wineglass.
“Didn’t end well back in the CDC”, you mumbled with a grin as he rolled his eyes laughing and brought the glass closer to his lips.
“I’m older now”, he mumbled as you perked a brow up and let out a small chuckle, just before you saw him taking a way too big gulp of the red wine.
Your mind wandered to Rick and Michonne who were losing a child, your face twisted in pain by the simple thought how they must feel now as well as by the thought that Judith had lost her big brother.
“She likes the rocking chairs, huh?”, you asked as you walked up the porch of your house in Alexandria, a warm lamp illuminating the surroundings as Judith cooed with a smile on her lips, shifting on Carl’s lap.
“I haven’t left it for hours, I think that’s a yes”, he laughed as you leaned against the porch’s wooden railing.
“Do you think this is gonna be our home?”, Carl asked as his glance wandered to you, your eyes wandering for a short moment over the peaceful Alexandria before it got stuck on Carl and Judith again.
“We’ll need some time to get used to it again, of course…but yes, I guess it’s even already somehow our home.”
The darkness was literally surrounding you, the ground got colder while you didn’t even care that not only your grief and pain was letting you tremble but also the crisp coolness of the night.
“This one was their’s, right?”, you mumbled as you looked at Carl’s gun in your hands, it’s handle marked with a carving of what seemed like a baseball bat.
“Yeah”, Carl said with a nod, the tension clearly stuck in him as you remembered the encounter with the mustached Savior and his cronies on the road from a few minutes ago.
“We’re gonna make it, somehow. Maggie and the baby, they are gonna be okay”, Carl mumbled, taking the gun back as he let out a small gulp, his glance wandering to you as if he needed someone to tell him that these words weren’t just drivel filled with false hope.
“Sasha said there are some other roads left for us to try. We’ll find a way”, you said before you gave him a small smile.
“We always did.”
You stepped into the painful calmness, almost numbness that began to fill you up as you stared into the distance, tears still in your eyes while the faint moonlight enlightening the skyline of the forest that surrounded the Sanctuary.
For the first time Carl’s behavior from last night made sense, his nervousness, his reluctantness and the way he had talked when you had helped him escape.
Carl’s face twisted in pain for a moment and something in you told you that there was something else that was bothering him than just leaving you here, you just had no idea what.
“Go now. We’ll see each other again and we’ll both be fine. Hopefully this shit’s over by then”, you said with a small smile, trying to motivate him even more but even tough he began to lift himself up, the pain in his face as he heard your words grew again.
“Thank you, for everything. You’ve been-”, he began but stopped stressfully and with a wrenched glance in his eyes as he urged himself to control himself while the tension all over him grew as he began to take steps away from you.
“You’ve been-”, and just as he began to start again, you heard a chuckling male voice.
“Jackpot!…Now look at that!”
Within a second you found yourself laying on the ground, calling out for Carl to run while you let the man push you to the ground, hoping you’d be enough distraction to give Carl a way to escape.
For a moment Carl seemed to stay, try to defend you until the man rose his gun into Carl’s direction, aiming for his leg.
”No!”, you called out as your arm reached, up trying to hit the gun away before the sound of a gunshot echoed through your head.
Your glance snapped towards your left just as you saw Carl, dust blowing up from the ground where the distracted Savior’s bullet had hit the ground.
“Run”, you called out, seeing how Carl struggled before a bomb that went of between you and him separated the both of you and took the decision from him.
Silence was filling the air before you suddenly heard how the metal door opened while you exactly knew who was now standing behind you.
Over the last time you had grown comfortable to cry in front of him, something you weren’t used to and something that you had rarely felt before but now, you just wanted to do nothing else than hide your vulnerability from him.
You just didn’t want to have him seeing you this way.
Not after what had happened.
To be honest, you didn’t want to have him around at all in these moments.
“Listen, I know I fucked up…I don’t expect you to do anything for me…but hell, it’s freezing, (Y/N) and you’re already sitting here for goddamn hours, you-”, you heard him say, then stopping as uneasiness filled his voice.
“Fuck”, you heard him mumble as a shiver caused by the coldness let your body tremble, just as you suddenly heard the shuffling of his jacket.
The tension in your body grew as you felt him placing the jacket over your shoulders, the warm leather touching your skin as now, his scent that was enclosing you, as well as simply his presence let you break again and allowed the frustration and anger to leave you unfiltered.
“Negan, just leave! I don’t want you here”, you called out, your voice breaking under the torture of the sobs and whimpers you had put it through before as the emotions in you boiled back up.
“And I don’t want your fucking jacket as well”, you growled, shoving the leather off your shoulders as your glance first met Negan’s.
His eyes were filling up with pain, your words obviously hurting him.
And even though there was a thick layer in you that couldn’t care less right in these moments, looking back at the words he had hit you with before, a tiny part beneath this layer, deeply down in you felt a small aching pain too as his glance filled with more sorrow.
But this tiny part was way too small to fight against the well justified anger that was boiling up in you again as his scent that was still enclosing you and usually comforted you smelled now like pure poison.
“First you kiss me, then you treat me like shit and now you’re caring again? Choose one fucking lane, Negan”, you snapped frustrated as Negan grabbed the jacket, before he looked down at you, a deep, distress filled sigh leaving his lips before you turned away from him again.
“Just go…”, you mumbled as you felt the lump in your throat growing again, just before you heard Negan giving in to your plea as you heard his footsteps and then eventually how the door closed again, leaving you alone.
Slowly, you began to break in again as you shuffled back against the wall, feeling like you would loose any halt if you wouldn’t lean against it now.
You had no idea for how long you stayed cowering against the cold stone, small whimpers and trembling breaths leaving your lips until your body and mind finally began to give in to the exhaustion as your eyes closed and you got dragged into the depths of sleep.
Softness was the first thing you felt when you began to wake up, your eyes still closed as you felt the familiar fabric of sheets enclosing your body.
Slowly, you let your eyes flutter open as you found yourself laying carefully tucked in beneath the dark sheets of the large bed, raindrops hitting the windows while the slight dampness of your hair and the clothes you were still wearing made you realize that Negan must have carried you inside after it had begun to rain.
He hadn’t allowed himself to take more of your clothes off than the boots you had been wearing and which now stood carefully leaned against the wall, while there wasn’t a sign of himself.
You had been that exhausted that you hadn’t even woken up from the rain or even Negan but now that you were awake you began to remember what had even motivated you to flee onto the platform and cower against the wall.
You were still too weak and tired to be mad at Negan, at least he had respected your plea and had left you alone after carrying you inside, the things that were filling you up now were mostly confusion about his behavior and the grief that felt just as horrible as hours ago.
You gulped harshly as you leaned deeper into the soft pillows, trying to let them comfort you before the exhaustion was setting in again and let the sleep conquer you once more.
(The gif isn’t mine/ it was originally posted by dancing-at-the-funeralparty)
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