An imagine about the 15th episode of season 8
After their first night together, Negan and the Reader’s relationship develops some more in-between the deathly fight against Simon, Dwight’s betrayal and Carl’s letter
“Good fuckin’ morning”, you heard Negan’s raspy voice mumble, his warm breath ghosting over your skin as you felt his lips pressing light kisses onto your neck and along your jaw, all while your eyes were still closed as you slowly slipped out of the sleep’s grasp.
“Morning”, you mumbled drowsily back as your eyes fluttered slowly open, a smile forming on your lips as soon as you saw his hazel eyes darting at you, the warm light of the dawn letting them look even warmer than usual.
His dark hair was tousled, some hair strands hanging into his face while his lips were curled up into the mix of a smile and a wide smirk before he leaned down to capture yours.
Small, content growls rumbled through his chest as your fingers slid over his skin, feeling how he pulled you into a deeper kiss until he let slowly go of you.
“Shit, I don’t wanna get up”, he grumbled against your lips, pulling you a little closer against his still bare skin while a small hum left your mouth by the feeling of his touch, your mind still trying to realize what had happened last night.
“Then don’t”, you mumbled with a small chuckle back as you leaned your head against his warm chest while a throaty chuckle let it vibrate against your skin.
“Oh I wish. If I could, hell, I’d spent the whole damn day with you in bed”, he mumbled, his fingertips caressing over your shoulder just before a sigh left his mouth.
“But I gotta find out what the hell Laura got to tell. As much as she made a secret out if it, it’s gotta be some big shit”, Negan grumbled while he leaned down again to press his lips onto your neck, your finger lacing into his dark hair just before a small purr left his lips as he felt the way you huddled up against him.
“Fuck, don’t make it even harder for me”, he growled with a low chuckle, his teeth teasingly tugging on your skin as a small punishment, your body flinching slightly by the slight burning it caused that just provoked you to press your body a little more against his.
A small but deep groan fell from his lips as his arms tightened around you for a moment, his face burying deeper into the nook of your neck before a sigh left his lips as the walkie on the nightstand beeped, reminding him that he should have left the bed way earlier.
“Boss? Just wanted to let you know that I’ve brought Laura to the meeting room. She’s waiting.”
Minutes later you found yourself alone in the bed, rolled on your stomach as you hugged the pillow beneath your head and watched how Negan slipped his arms into the smooth leather of his jacket.
With a small huff his fingers laced around Lucille’s handle, his lips forming into a grin as soon as he caught you watching him before he walked back over to the bed and leaned down until his lips could press a kiss onto your forehead.
“You know what? While I’m at it, you can sleep some more, guess you need it after last night”, he chuckled as he leaned his tall frame straight up again.
“Probably” you mumbled with a small chuckle, Negan’s eyes following his fingertips as they traced lightly over your arm, his glance growing with hunger again that truly showed how much he’d prefer to stay.
“I’ll get us some breakfast later on, sounds good?”, Negan asked, his fingers moving up until they could stroke a few hair strands out of your face.
“Very good”, you mumbled with a smile back, still feeling the effect his touch had on you.
“Gotta be strengthened before I take Simon to fucking task. Can’t wait to see that asshole’s surprised face, I really fucking hope he shits his damn pants”, Negan chuckled, his hand running over his salt and pepper stubble as he grinned down at you.
“I’d love to see that”, you said with a small chuckle back, feeling his stroking one last time over your skin before he forced himself to walk over the door.
With the handle already in his hand he looked back at you, the smirk still on his lips as his eyes ran over the shape your body formed beneath the dark sheets.
“See ya later, Baby.”
Slowly, you cuddled yourself back into the pillow, still realizing what had happened last night while you’d almost think you had dreamed all of this if the feeling of the soft fabric on your bare skin wasn’t a prove against it.
You closed your eyes again, a happy hum leaving your lips as you could feel how Negan’s scent began to enclose you again, just before the sleep took you right back in.
When you woke up again, the sun shone already brighter, letting warming sun rays fall through the big windows that softly hit the dark sheets.
You found yourself showering after not being able to fall asleep again, the smile that had slipped onto your lips was beginning to be your everlasting partner again as you got ready and eventually slipped out of the bathroom again, just as your eyes already caught the tall frame on the couch
“Already back?”, you asked, pulling the rest of your shirt over your body as you walked over to him, the smell of coffee and warmed up bread already filling up the room.
“You remember the vanished guns? That fucking crap Laura first wanted to attribute fucking falsely to you?, you heard Negan’s voice ask as you walked closer towards him, finding him leaning into the black leather, his legs slightly stretched out while you remembered the meeting a while ago and the way Laura had showed her doubts about you.
“Yeah”, you just mumbled with slightly puckered brows as you climbed over Negan’s legs, just to let yourself fall right next to him still, asking yourself what that had to do with the big secret Laura had told him.
With a mix of a scoff and a chuckle, Negan ran his hand over his beard stubble, shaking his head slightly before his eyes met yours.
“Now turns out it was Dwighty boy”, Negan began, his jaw clenching slightly, “But not only that, he didn’t get his ass ambushed in Alexandria…no, he fucking killed his whole damn group except for Laura ‘cause she ran, he was the one who got us all trapped in here, ‘cause that fucker works with Rick.”
You gulped slightly, beginning to remember all the things, even meetings you had witnessed with Dwight, especially the ones where they had talked about those betrayals.
You weren’t even as surprised as you thought you’d be, after all Dwight had the most obvious reasons of everyone, one of them boasting on the side of his face.
“Was just outside and head him off while he was taking his usual damn mornin’ smoke. That fucker acted all innocent, like a little fucking sheep with clay feet”, Negan grumbled, his hand still resting on his jaw before he shifted slightly on the couch.
“And now?”, you asked as you grabbed the coffee Negan had already prepared for you, before you leaned back and saw him letting out a small chuckle.
“I’ll turn the game around”, he mumbled, fumbling on his jacket’s pocket before his fingers slipped out a folded map, some small, black circles and a cross surrounding something before Negan let it fall into his lap.
“Directly made it after Laura told me ‘bout that shit. In a half hour, I’m gonna have meeting with all my high ranking Saviors. Get Dwight and Simon done at once”, Negan said, sitting himself some more up.
“I need to know what the hell Simon did at the Hilltop and then, if he doesn’t pull some shit. I’ll ‘forgive’ his sorry ass. I won’t reveal the rest I already know, just to see what else he’s about to do and then-”, Negan said, pointing at the map, “I’ll show them my brilliant but fake ass plan. Leave Dwighty at first in the dark about the spicy fact that I know about his traitor crap ‘cause he’s gonna be my little delivery boy to take these fake ass information right to Rick.”
You let out a deep and tight sigh, the simple though of a next move from either side letting a shiver run through your body before you saw Negan’s eyes darting at you, just before his warm and large hand placed on your thigh.
“Baby, look at me”, he said your glance darting from the coffee table right at him as his eyes caught yours.
“For now, this is just the next plan to get them to us. Things can still work out”, he said, his voice calm and even soft, even though you knew that these soothing words were only meant for you and the promise he had given you.
The rest of the half hour you spent huddled up to Negan’s side, your legs hooked over his lap while you ate breakfast and tried to maintain the lightheartedness from last night and this morning, without letting too many worrying thoughts creep up into your mind.
And you did all that until Negan got up, gave you a deep kiss that almost made it seem like he tried to keep this feeling in you up as well before he eventually vanished behind the heavy wooden door.
Your eyes kept darting at the digital clock on Negan’s nightstand, the digits forming way too slowly into further ones until you finally heard the door opening again and saw him walking with Lucille over his shoulder back inside the room.
“Swallowed the pill, all of them and Simon, hell he tried to weasel his ass out of it all. Acted all loyal and grateful after that, that lying asshole. Just a matter of time till he tries to make the next move and then, then I got that fucker by his balls”, Negan said as he let himself fall back next to you onto the leather couch and wrapped an arm around you to let you lean against him.
“Don’t forget to crush them while you’re at it”, you mumbled with a light chuckle, remembering all the shit Simon had done, also to you in the end before you heard Negan’s throaty chuckle that let his chest rumble lightly.
“Oh I for sure won’t forget that”, he mumbled with a grin before his glance met yours again.
“Your ‘friend’ Gregory got his ass back here too”, Negan said, your brows puckering immediately while a disgusted feeling creeped up in you only by the thought of him.
“Now normally I’d send him away or crushed his ass but I got the feeling that coward could come in handy at some point”, Negan mumbled, stroking over his jaw once again before he rose his voice again.
“But till then and till Simon tries to ruin my goddamn day again, I bet I got a little time left”, he added, a small smirk growing on his lips as he leaned in to you until his lips could capture yours.
Feeling his arms tightening around you he pulled you into a deeper kiss, growls rumbling through his chest as he felt the way your fingers laced into his dark hair.
Part of you began to feel catapulted back to this morning or even the last night, his kisses bringing some of the lightheartedness back to the happiness you were still feeling while all of you wished it to be always like this, just you and him without any of those unnecessary sorrows.
Negan’s hand was finding it’s way to your waist, pulling you even closer against him before a knock on the door let the both of you flinch up and dragged you out of your way of getting lost in each other again.
“Negan? Boss? I need to talk to you,…about Simon”, Dwight’s voice sounded through the room before a sly smirk spread over Negan’s lips.
“I knew it.”
”Sit down”, Negan said with a finger-gesture, pointing at the bench as he talked to Dwight who stood a little helplessly in the middle of the room.
Quickly, he sat down, Negan walking slowly up and down next to him, almost like a predator observing his prey.
”So Dwighty, what juicy shit do you have to tell?”, Negan asked, coming eventually to a stop right next to the couch you were still sitting on.
”There’s a meeting later on at the courtyard, Simon’s taking a few people with him who want the same…he’s gonna plan to kill you”, Dwight said, his fingers interlacing nervously with one another as Negan’s stern mien was focused on him.
You knew Dwight was only in this room because Negan was the better option than Simon in this whole war for him, even though he had no clue the man who was now walking with a small grin on his lips towards him knew about everything.
This whole scene was odd, Dwight who was just as much a traitor as Simon, sat there and got now patted on the Shoulder by Negan, who let out a small chuckle.
”Knew I could count on you, Dwighty. Told you that after the meeting and I’m telling you it again, you’re smart as hell”, Negan said, obviously toying with Dwight before his glance fell on Lucille who leaned next to you against the edge of the couch.
”He’ll-”; Dwight began, as he gestured towards the bat, just before Negan quickly cut him off.
“No, she won’t get tainted with that bastard’s shitface”, he said with a grin just before it widened even more.
“I got another idea.”
“Loose up, Baby. Everything will work out just fine”, you heard Negan say, his arm wrapping around you as he pulled you a little tighter against his side while he kept walking.
You let out a tight breath, thinking about his brilliant idea that instead of lucilling Simon, challenging him for a fight to death to determine the leader of the Sanctuary was the way better path to take.
You understood the logic behind it, the meaning that a win against Simon would have much more impact but still, you were worried, even though you knew and had even seen that Negan could fight.
Negan finally stemmed the heavy metal door open, leading the way outside as you could already see Dwight’s blue shirt from afar as he stood slightly around the corner behind a dumpster, almost as hidden for you as the few snipers were hidden from men who would soon walk outside with Simon and whose lives would be quickly ended after that.
Negan’s warm hand was still securely placed on your waist as you walked towards the wall that would keep you hidden from Simon and the men until the very moment Negan would step in.
You leaned against the cold stone, feeling Negan beginning to wrap his arms from behind around you until he rested his head against yours and pressed his lips onto the sensitive skin behind your ear.
“Now we might have a bit time left for a quickie to loose you up. We’d just have to manage to keep a little quieter than last night, can’t let your sweet moans ruin the surprise”, Negan teased with a throaty chuckle as he mumbled those words into your ear, a part of him obviously trying to make you laugh to let the tension that was left leave your body.
He tightened his arms around you to pull you closer against his body as you let out a small chuckle as well and nudged his side softly with your elbow.
“Hey, I was just being fucking obliging”, he chuckled, pinching you playfully as you found his plan to lose you up, one way or another, beginning to fulfill at least for these moments.
“Yeah sure”, you mumbled ironically but with another small laugh before turned your head around to him to give him a small grin. “Anyway, you need all your strength for that fight.”
“Oh I could fuck your brains out and right back in and still be able to fucking rip that fucker a new one”, he mumbled widely smirking into your ear as soon as you had turned around again, his voice rather a purr as you felt a little heat sneaking up into your cheeks.
“Good to know”, you said with a grin back as you turned your face back to him, his lips still formed into a wide smirk as he moved his brows slightly suggestively up before leaning in to press a kiss onto your lips.
The shutting of a metal door from somewhere let the both of you flinch up, Negan stood within seconds straight again as his mien darkened and his jaw clenched just like his grip around Lucille, his thoughts visually drifting to preparing for whatever was about to come next.
“Hey. Some shit, huh?”, you heard Gary’s voice say as he walked from afar into your field of view.
“Yeah”, you heard Dwight say as he still shuffled nervously over the ground.
“Got to think you wanted this before we did”, Gary added before you felt yourself tensing slightly up again and caught yourself turning to Negan.
“With the fight…take care, okay?”, you quietly mumbled so that only he could hear you.
“Of fuckin’ course. I’ll beat his ass into the ground”, Negan leaned slightly down to mumble into your ear, a smirk back on his lips as he pulled you closer against him.
“Now that’s good to hear”, you mumbled with a small grin back, trying to loose yourself up before your attention darted back to the scene behind the dumpster where a few more Saviors, including Simon walked up.
“If you’re here right now, you’re in. We can talk about approaches and finesses, but you are in. No take backs”, Simon said, strutting confidently in the center of the men around him while his face and voice was serious.
“We need to make this quick, quiet, and respectful. Man’s done a lot for us. He deserves that”, Simon’s voice said, a scoff leaving Negan’s lips before you saw Simon pointing at Dwight.
“You have some legitimate personal issues with the man. The kill is yours if you want it. Something quiet. I mean, not a knife”, Simon said with a chuckle, hate boiling up in you as you heard him continuing, “Can’t make it that personal. A silencer?”
“Fucking asshole”, you heard Negan lowly growl, while you could already feel how much he wanted to go out there now and expose Simon.
“We call a meeting. And that’s it. The next order of business is to set the break, to start the healing. The catalyzing event to facilitate that is the destruction of the Hilltop and its residents. We’ll make it a monument of compliance”,Simon said, still walking around as he nodded to the Hilltop’s traitor ,” Sorry, Gregory.”
“And then we get on with our lives. Right, Dwight?”, you heard Simon ask and with the sound of his whistle, you knew the time had come.
Negan’s whistle sounded through the air, Simon’s face dropping immediately after it had filled up with confusion for the fraction of a second.
He gulped heavily as soon as he saw Negan walking up with you, a sly grin of satisfaction laying on Negan’s lips as he came to a stop.
“Thank you, D. I’ll take it from here”, Negan said, patting Dwight’s shoulder before he walked a little towards Simon.
“Three, two, one”, and with that a bunch of silenced gunshots sounded through the air, resulting into hitting all the Saviors and just leaving Dwight, Simon and Gregory of them.
Simon flinched up, turning hastily around to see the source of the gunshots before D.J., Arat and a bunch of other Saviors came out of their hideaways with raised guns, walking towards Simon until they could take all his weapons.
Within seconds Simon’s face filled up with rage, a heavy huff leaving his lips before you saw him jumping towards Dwight, trying to grasp him.
“Dwight, you-”, he called out, his voice growling while the other Saviors held him back from going further, just as you heard Negan’s little chuckle as he walked past Simon.
“Now there is the Simon that I know. He comes right at you instead of that backstabby bullshit”, Negan said, grinning lightly as you could already hear Simon’s angry panting again as he glared dangerously at Dwight.
“Why? After everything he did to you, huh? Why do this?”, he called growling out while Dwight just stood calmly there, not having any clue that Negan knew about his secret plans.
“He’d win”, Dwight just answered as Negan already walked over to the dead Saviors on the ground.
“You killed all the garbage people, Simon”, Negan growled, raising Lucille before letting her hand crush straight into the head of Gary’s corpse.
“After I specifically told you not to do that shit”, he added, a strained breath leaving his lips as he let Lucille crush down once again before he walked glaring towards Simon
“You shot at my girl, trying to keep her from searching for me. You really think she hasn’t told me about that?”, Negan growled, Simon’s head snapping towards you before you heard Negan’s booming voice sounding once again ,”Hey! You really think I’d just let you get away with threatening her? Even fucking trying to hurt her?”
Negan’s deathly glare gored through Simon, before he let out a huffing scoff and stroke over his salt and pepper stubble.
“But after all this, and me being me I’m still gonna give you your shot”, he added, his tongue sliding over his lower lip before he captured it between them until he rose his voice again.
“You want to be the man, you got to beat the man. If you can do that then, hell you should be the man.”
The whole hall was deadly silent when you found yourself standing right in its center, as a part of the circle that formed a platform for the fight that would outburst earlier than you felt comfortable with.
Negan was calm but still ready for anything that was about to happen, his tall frame stood right next to you with Lucille in his hands, while his opponent stood on the other side, focusing on him with a deathly stare before an odd and tiny smirk formed on his lips.
You gulped, already feeling how the tension in you began to rise some more before Simon made some steps into the circle.
“Everyone! After this is done, we get to work!”, he called out, his voice echoing through the hall while he slid his jacket off his arms, your eyes following every little move of his.
“Just know that I didn’t want this!”, he called out again, his hands shuffling the sleeves of his shirt up while you had to hold a disbelieved scoff back as you saw once again what a lying asshole this man was.
“But the Sanctuary must stand”, he added, now turning around again to Negan as his cold stare locked with his.
Without letting go of Simon’s stare, Negan’s hand reached out to your yours, placing Lucille securely into your hold.
His fingers caressed for a short moment soothingly over yours as if they wanted to assure you that he was going to be fine, while this moment was that short that only you could have noticed it.
“This is not the man to prosecute this conflict”, sounded Simon’s voice through the hall, your glance narrowing as you saw the way he walked towards Negan until he stood just a few feet away from him.
A tiny, but sly smirk was formed on Negan’s lips, not giving Simon the satisfaction of letting his words have a big effect on him while you could already feel yourself tensing a bit more up.
“Just wanted to say-”, Simon began again, spreading his arms out and moving his head in his overly exaggerated way until he had turned his back for a second to Negan, “a grateful enclave-”
And with that, your heart seemed to stop for a moment.
A loud gasp left your lips, your eyes widened in shock as Simon spun around and let his fist hit the unprepared Negan, bringing him directly to the cold ground.
Your heart pounded against your chest, boiling heat and icy coldness mixing in your whole body as you saw Negan struggling to get himself back on his legs, just as Simon grabbed him again.
“No…”, left your lips in a quiet but whimpering tone, your grab on Lucille tightening as another punch hit the side of Negan’s face.
He had to do this alone, you knew that and you wouldn’t and couldn’t step in, but you also couldn’t deny the utter wish in you to let Lucille rush down onto Simon’s skull.
Another shiver let you flinch as Negan got back on his feet but got directly hit by another punch again, your inner voice mumbling desperate pleas that Negan could rally himself and bring Simon down.
And he did rally himself, standing securely on his feet again and with his eyes focusing on another attack as Simon speeded towards him but got caught by Negan’s arms, his elbow crushing down to Simons neck, before he tossed him heavily breathing to the ground.
A tiny bit relief streamed into the mess of tension and fear that was filling up your body as you watched Negan glaring, panting at Simon, the strain letting his head turn into a threatening shade of red as the wound on his temple began to burst up and let dark red blood trickle down his skin.
Your body began to shake harder as you saw both of them men colliding once again, their loud grunts and groans filling the room as their fight turned into a wild scramble.
Your eyes followed every single move, every single act that could hurt Negan as you felt yourself beginning to breathe a little lighter as you saw Negan beginning to get the upper hand, his fists rushing repeatedly against Simon’s face.
Trying to turn things around again you saw Simon rushing back against Negan who caught him and let his head rush against the one of his opponent who stumbled clearly weakened back.
Negan’s loud pants echoed through to you as you saw into his strained face, his hands grabbing Simon’s shoulders tightly before you caught him letting his long legs kick the ones of his former right hand man away.
With a dull thud, that could have also come from the weight that got taken off your mind, you saw Simon’s body hitting the ground, Negan immediately using his upper hand to keep him right there as more kicks and punches hit Simon’s body.
You still found yourself clinging onto Lucille, holding her as if she could give you some secureness before Negan crouched down onto the weakened Simon and wrapped his hands around his throat.
The adrenaline was still shooting through your veins as Negan’s hands wrapped tighter around Simon’s throat, strained grunts and death rattles filling up the air as Negan’s face turned ever redder.
Panting, he cursed at Simon, his hands tightening even more before his neck gave in and all that was filling up the room anymore was Negan’s heavy breath and the sound of Simon’s cracking windpipe, everyone else around them still deadly silent, not even moving a single inch.
Utter relief streamed through your body as you began to realize what this meant.
Negan had won and he was fine.
A deep but relieved breath was leaving your lips as you saw Negan standing up again, still a little wonky on his legs while part of you wanted to just storm towards him, wrap your arms around him and kiss him till both of you were out of breath.
“What an asshole”, he cursed, his jaw clenching for a moments as you instead just kept calmly standing on the point and let your with happiness filled eyes dart at him just before his glance locked with yours and slowly let it soften.
”Fuck”, you quietly heard Negan groan as you not much later softly dabbed the wet cloth onto his temple, trying to clean the blood up that had trickled out of his bursted wound while you let out a small huff and nodded to the cooling bag that was wrapped in a small towel and laid untouched next to him on the bed.
”We didn’t get the cooling bag for nothing”, you mumbled, giving him a small uplifting smile as a grumble left Negan’s lips, still somehow caught in the fight with Simon.
He gulped uneasily, his lips pressed into a thin line before he let out a deep sigh.
”Should’ve noticed it earlier…the shit he was pulling”, he grumbled, his brows puckering slightly before the pain the movement must have shot through his veins let him loose them up again.
”Who knows…maybe he’s done even more crap I’m still in the fucking dark about, who fuckin’ knows how often he’s lied to me before that shit”, Negan growled, the tension in his body clearly rising again.
You let out a small sigh, feeling how his tension had an effect on you as well but before you could raise your voice you could hear him once again.
”I shouldn’t have put any kinda trust in him to begin with”, he added growling, his jaw clenching tightly as you stopped your gentle movements and instead let your hand move to his jaw to caress his stubbled cheek with your thumb.
“Maybe that’s so but It has happened and now you’ve ended it, you can’t do more”, you said soothingly, his glance wandering up to as he let out another small sigh.
”Don’t let him bug you even after his death”, you mumbled as you could feel his beard stubble tickling your fingertips just before you raised your voice again as your glance feel on the bloody wounds on his face, “It’s enough that he got you these damn wounds.”
You let out another tight breath, your hand wandering back up to his temple to take care of the wound before you felt him wrapping an arm around your hips.
Gradually, he pulled you closer towards him until you felt him bringing you down onto his lap as he let out a small sigh and leaned his head against your shoulder.
Your arms wrapped around his broad shoulders, letting him hold you a little tighter as his warm breath hit your skin.
”Heard your gasp when that fucker started his bullshit out of the goddamn blue”, Negan mumbled against your skin before you felt his lips forming into a small grin as soon as he raised his voice again,”Thought for a moment you’d take Lucille and bash his fucking head.”
”The temptation was definitely there”, you mumbled, a soft chuckle leaving your lips as he pulled you a little tighter and saw him looking back up at you before another sigh escaped your mouth.
”Now…I knew you could handle this but…if things would have gone south for whatever reason and he was about to crush your throat instead, I’m a hundred percent sure I couldn’t have stopped myself from using her”, you mumbled, the small grin mixing with a smile on his face before he brought them down to place a kiss on your shoulder, his warm lips palpable through the fabric of your shirt.
”Good to know you got my back”, he mumbled, the corners of his mouth curling more up as his arm wrapped a little tighter around you before you caught the way the wound on his cheekbone still shimmered bloodily.
“Lets get back to it. I’m not done with you yet”, you said with a small chuckle as you got back on your feet while Negan let out a theatrical sigh.
“Ah shit, I’d rather hear that in another context”, he chuckled widely grinning while a laughing snort left your lips as you got back to work.
“Done”, you mumbled a bit later, Negan’s still pressing the cooling pack against his jaw while you began to pack the wet cloth away and collect the tissues he had used to stop the first bleeding.
He had become oddly quiet again over the last few minutes, had stopped to joke around and while you had first pushed it to his thoughts about the whole shit that was going down at the Sanctuary, you found yourself beginning questioning this as he rose his voice again.
“Remember that thing in the car? That stuff I wanted to tell you before Laura popped up at the side of the damn road?”, Negan asked as he shifted slightly on the dark sheets as your glance darted back to him, placing the stuff in your hands onto his nightstand.
For a short moment you tried to look back, remembering the end of your conversation with him before you had seen her coming out of the woods, which you had completely forgotten about till now.
“Yeah”, you eventually mumbled, wondering where he wanted to take this before you walked back over to him.
“Well,…shit that wasn’t just anything”, he said with a small sigh, a just as small smile sneaking onto his lips while the tension was clearly stuck in his body as he stood up from the bed.
“And I, hell I just want you to know that ‘cause what happened last night didn’t make me come to this decision, I would’ve made it one damn way or another”, he said, stroking over his beard stubble before he took a few steps over to you until he could wrap his arms around your waist and pull you closer.
“Shit, I even…I’ve even carried it out before that”, he mumbled, a small chuckle leaving his lips as if he wanted to release some tension with it while his glance darted to the windows for a moment before it got back to you.
Your brows puckered slightly, your mind trying to grasp anything he could mean with this before you finally spoke up.
“What, Negan?”, you asked, your voice soft as Negan’s eyes captured yours and glued you right to the spot.
“I’ve ended it”, he made a pause, the confusion in you rising before his next words made you hold your breath for a moment, “That damn ‘arrangement’ with Amber and the rest, I’ve ended it before we took off the other day to Hilltop.”
His words echoed through your head, making you ask yourself if you were dreaming this right there or if he had actually spoken these sentences out.
Your eyes were stuck on him, your body filling up with a tingling warmth as you were beginning to sway in a trance while his glance left yours, wandering around the room as the nervousness let him keep on talking.
”Frankie and Tanya don’t know yet, but as soon as they’re back with Smartypants they’ll find out…”, he said, a gulp traveling down his throat as you could feel his fingers fumbling slightly but twitchily on the fabric of your shirt ,”They can keep their damn privileges for a few weeks for fuck’s sake but after that, they gotta work for points again..in the end, it just gives it all the ultimate death knell. I haven’t been there in ages, they must’ve seen it coming anyway.”
Your eyes were still stuck on him, his voice sounding through to you as you began to slowly realize that this was real.
He had left his wives for you.
And the whole warmth and tingling that was already streaming through your veins and filled your body up just got more.
You were completely overwhelmed in the most beautiful way as he finally looked at you again, his hazel eyes wandering over your face, trying find out what you were feeling and thinking before you heard his voice.
“Fuck, I don’t want them and I-”, he breathed out, his eyes darted on you as he pulled you a little closer against you, a small hitching in his voice as he continued, “I don’t want them to just stand in the slightest damn way possible between us…especially not after what has happened. That’s some damn chapter for the past, it’s over and fucking done with now.”
His eyes were still glued on you as you could feel the smile on your lips growing with every passing second.
Of course he hadn’t been there for a long time, you knew that and you were more than a hundred percent sure that things between you both wouldn’t have developed the way they did if he had continued to visit them, but leaving them was giving it something official, something symbolic that would in the end spread through the Sanctuary like a wildfire.
But most of all, after the everything that had happened he was showing you how serious this all was with you, how much he wanted this and what he was willing to do for it.
“Shit, I want you and fucking only you”, slipped out of his lips, his eyes widening for the fraction of a second as if he was surprised by himself that he had just once again opened that much up and that something that emotional, that it could also come straight out of some sappily romantic movie had left his lips.
And all that, while these words overwhelmed you with a happiness you couldn’t even describe, something that filled every inch of your body with warmth and deep affection.
“Fuck, say something”, Negan mumbled, his eyes wandering over your face as you still were completely speechless.
So while the words just didn’t want to form into proper sentences in your mind that was too filled up with happiness to work, you slung your arms around his neck and let your kiss speak instead as soon as your lips met his.
Negan hummed into the kiss, both of your lips curled up into wide smiles as he pulled you closer and kissed you with all the relief and happiness that was almost palpable as it streamed through his veins.
It all almost felt too good to be true but right now, that really didn’t matter because you knew that it was real.
Real in the best way possible.
“I wanted to tell you earlier but hell, one or two things got in the way”, he mumbled against your lips, a small grin mixing in-between his wide smile before he leaned in to peck your lips once again.
“I think I can forgive you that”, you mumbled with a soft chuckle against his lips, a low purr rumbling through his chest as he pulled you even closer against him and leaned his forehead against yours.
That’s the way you stood with him in the middle of the room, your lips meeting in deep and long or soft and small kisses before a heavy knock on the door first let you break out of your embrace.
“Boss? We’re all here and prepared, Dwight’s got his shift done now, so if you want to catch him up now, we here”, a deep male voice said before you could feel Negan letting go of you as he walked over to the door and quickly opened it.
Your eyes caught a bunch of men and a few women, standing in the hallway as Negan switched back to being their leader.
“Alright, then get your asses already in position”, he said, grabbing his leather jacket before pulling it over as one of the men looked with a stern but still slightly nervous mien at him.
“Sir, there’s something else as well”, he finally said, letting Negan look up while all the others behind him were completely quiet.
“And that would be?”, Negan asked, casually walking back to grab Lucille before he turned around to them again and looked at the man who let out a deep sigh.
“The posses outside found about twenty of the people that were held at the hilltop in a small fabric…they were all dead, most of them shot”, the man gulped, your body tensing up just as much as Negan’s while you could see the anger rising up again as his brows puckered and his jaw clenched tightly.
A tight breath left your lips, knowing that with this next step all was just getting worse while the happiness and lightheartedness you had felt h´got once again interrupted by the war.
“You’ll find me later in the courtyard”, you just heard Negan say, his voice filled with tension before you saw him vanishing with his people, wondering what would happen now that Rick had taken it all even further.
You waited until you felt like enough time had passed before you slipped out of the room and made your way down the stairs.
The light of the lamps above you flickered slightly as you made your way through the hallways, the only sound echoing through the hallways was the sound of your footsteps before another pair attended to them while you already knew by their sharp clicking sound that whoever exactly was about to round the corner wouldn’t want to see you.
And then, within a few moments you saw her walking into the hallway,
Her eyes narrowed into a glare as soon as she caught your figure walking towards her, the blonde hair beginning to swing slightly as she began to walk faster.
You purposely kept your glance uninterested as Amber came closer, knowing way too well that this disinterest in her and the rage she must have build up, especially after Negan had now left them, would drive her more crazy than anything else.
So you walked past her, the anger letting the muscles in her face twitch as her brows were tightly puckered while she wasn’t able to hold the small huffs in that left her lips as she walked past your ice cold facade.
As soon as you had passed her, you couldn’t keep a sly smirk from creeping up onto your lips, the gratification of knowing now officially that Negan had decided for you and against them after she had purposely tried to urge up conflicts between you and him to keep her privileges, was just as big as you had thought it would be.
With each moment the clicking sound of the heels got quieter and you got closer to your destination, somehow even symbolically leaving the wives behind, just like Negan had said it.
The sun streamed faintly through the gaps of the door that leaded outside, before you pushed yourself against it to let the heavy metal door open up.
Feeling how you got slightly dazzled by the bright light your eyes began to search for Negan, just before you found him on the platform behind another entrance watching how Simon’s reanimated corpse got tied to the fence.
You walked over the courtyard towards him, already seeing the tension that was stuck in him from afar as this all, whatever Rick had done, killing his right hand man and then handling Dwight, another high Savior that had betrayed him was glued onto him.
Just as you began to walk up the stairs and Negan could hear your footsteps he turned around to you, nothing of the happiness you had shared before with him, left now in his glance as he gulped heavily.
“Sweetheart, we need to talk”, he said, his voice tensed up while those words let a shiver run through your body.
“Fuck, I-”, he began but couldn’t finish as his walkie clicked and a familiar voice drew your attention to it as you stepped closer to Negan.
“Negan, it’s Michonne. – I’ll wait”, she said, Negan’s brows puckering for a moment as his hand slid to the walkie on his belt and grasped it.
“The one with the dreads, the sword? Is that you? Rick there with you? Why don’t you put him on?”, Negan asked sternly, leaning back against the railing as you could feel your heart beginning to beat faster.
”This isn’t about Rick. It’s about Carl”, she answered, Negan’s face turning softer for a moment as you could see the fight between the frustration and anger and his emotions begin.
“He wrote you a letter. And I’m delivering it because that’s what he wanted”, she added just before you heard Negan’s voice again.
"Well, I can’t promise not to kill the messenger”, he growled, your brows puckering in annoyance as you heard his unnecessary provocation.
“Just shut up and listen.”
And then, she rose her voice again, your body tensing some more up as well, just by the thought that only days after reading your own letter, you’d hear Negan’s.
"Negan, this is Carl. I was helping someone. I got bit. We didn’t even have to be doing what we were doing. I was just helping someone”, Michonne said, her voice tensed up as well as you could see the emotions beginning to stir in Negan, fighting some more with the anger.
“Now I’m gone. You might be gone. Maybe my Dad made your people give you up and he killed you, but I don’t think so. I think you’re still around and you’re working on a way out. Maybe you got out. Maybe you think we’re a lost cause and you just want to kill all of us”, she said, Negan’s lips beginning to press into a thin line as he shifted uncomfortably.
“I think you think you have to be who you are. I just wonder if this is what you wanted. I wanted to ask you. I wish I could’ve. Maybe you’ll beat us. And if you do, there’ll just be someone else to fight. The way out is working together. It’s forgiveness”, she added, Negan’s jaw clenching uneasily, his eyes filling with more sadness while his body stayed tensed up.
“It’s believing that it doesn’t have to be a fight anymore. Because it doesn’t.
I hope my dad offers you peace. I hope you take it. I hope everything can change. It did for me. Start over. You still can. Carl”
For a short moment, you caught hope.
Hope that next to his promise, this letter would motivate him to stop this war even after everything that had happened.
One last time your body tensed up, right before you saw Negan bringing the walkie to his lips and heard his voice.
“All this there is no getting out of it now. I wouldn’t accept your surrender if you came to me on your knees. See, winning isn’t about beating you. Winning is about killing every last one of you. That is starting over. I never wanted this. Rick made this happen…You tell him that…No more talk.”
His words cut like razorblades into your skin, the small idyllic world you had begun to build yourself up with him began to break in over you within seconds, letting it feel like it had been too good to be true after all.
The words “Killing every last one of you”, echoed through your head, letting them end up in a pounding headache as pain spread out in your whole body.
Tears filled your eyes, anger forced up by desperation and disappointment began to boil in your veins while you still hoped you were dreaming before you saw him turning around to you, his eyes filled with tension and sternness but even more utter guilt.
With that your palm smashed against the side of his face, a whimper leaving your lips as you felt the lump in your throat growing to an unbearable size.
All while he didn’t do a thing, he didn’t yell or growl at you for slapping him across his face while his men weren’t too far, he didn’t even glare at you.
All he did was staring at you, the guilt filled glance in his eyes revealing the reason why he wasn’t saying a thing.
“You said you’d keep the promise”, was the first thing you brought out, your teary glare hitting him as you felt more pain shooting through your body, letting it feel like someone was repeatedly slaughtering you.
“If you do that, I’m gone”, it broke out of you, the first tears falling down your cheeks as Negan’s eyes widened for a second, his breath audibly quickening as he tried to pull himself together.
“I did, I tried. He’s fucking killed twenty of my men”, he tried to justify himself, the anger and desperation letting your whole body tremble just by the thought that you could lose either side.
“And these people are still my friends”, you brought out, your voice shaky as you let out a trembling breath, taking a step away from him as his closeness began to be just as painful as his words.
”If they’d kill you, I couldn’t go back to them too, I wouldn’t”, you brought out in a pain filled growl, all the fears of loss you had built up over the last time breaking out of you as you tried to keep yourself controlled and keep your glare from turning into a blurry and teary mess.
“We should get inside”, you heard him say, trying to somehow handle this situation before you shot him another venomous glare.
“Yeah, we should”
“You and Rick are like two fucking children fighting for the last candy bar”, you snapped as soon as you were in the apartment, the anger you had held in on your way up now beginning to escape.
“You two are about to risk hundreds of fucking lives, just ‘cause your fucking egos are too big to find a way out”, you growled shakily through the lump in your throat, your glare shooting towards Negan as he let out a tight breath
“He’s just killed an assload of my people, again”, he said tensely, before his glance softened for a moment as he looked at you and the fear of losing you was beginning to be clearly visible in his eyes, “(Y/N), I don’t wanna hurt you, that’s the last damn thing I want….if I don’t act now, he’s gonna kill more -fuck, all of us.”
“But the answer’s not killing. If Rick doesn’t get to it on his own, then be the smart one of you both”, you snapped back, knowing that those words Negan had said outside to Michonne weren’t him, but just the frustration and anger speaking out of him and were taking his mind over.
“These are my friends, Negan. They’re still like a family to me”, you added, feeling how the lump formed even bigger back in your throat, more tears filling your eyes before you saw him looking at the ground with a deep, trembling sigh.
“You know what? Even if they weren’t my friends it would be the same damn thing. It’s still slaughtering”, you began again, trying to rally yourself as you could catch his glance once again.
“And that’s not you, that’s the damn frustration and anger and what fucking ever that’s driving you wild, but that’s not you”, you said, stepping closer towards him as you didn’t even think of letting his glance go once again.
“That’s why I’m still here”, you began, gulping heavily as your voice was still shaking,“And I won’t let you turn into something you’re not.”
Negan just looked at you, his face slightly grimacing in pain and guilt as he tried to keep himself controlled just as you began to dig deeper in.
“You said it to me last night and you’ve said it thousands of times before. People are a resource”, you growled still with ears in your eyes, a heavy gulp traveling down Negan’s throat ,”You said saving people is the right path and not slaughtering them. You’ve built every fucking thing here up on that and now you’re just throwing it all over?!”
“Slaughtering people is what Simon did. Something you’ve just killed him for”, you added, feeling and seeing how Negan began to get more and more uncomfortable with the words he had said while you were just on the path that seemed to lead you to your goal.
“Just killing everyone is of course easier than pulling your shit together and working on a way out. But it’s worth it ‘cause there are hundreds of lives behind that, It’s not just anything!”, you breathed out, the anger beginning to boil up some more as different to other times you couldn’t and didn’t want to hold it back as Negan still didn’t say a thing.
“So if you do that, if you go out there and kill every fucking person then don’t dare to ever call yourself a savior again”, you growled and with that, you seemed to have hit another spot.
He got more and more uncomfortable, his body tensed up even more but instead of saying something his eyes left yours again and let the door that had seemed to opened in front of you shut right on front of your nose again.
The adrenaline of the anger began to wash out of you as the fears and pain used the loophole to sneak right back in, just side by side with the thought that if you had failed now, you would lose either Negan or the people you still called your family.
The pain began to eat you up, letting your body tremble as the tingling in your nose already showed you the new tears that were about to shot into your eyes, all while you could feel yourself breaking in as your worst fear began to come true in these moments.
“I can’t lose them, I can’t lose you”, you whimpered, losing the control over yourself as more whimpers and sobs began to shake through your body, turning you within seconds into a crying mess as you crumpled down onto the edge of the bed.
The sobs you couldn’t stop from escaping erupted your whole body, turning you into a mess of trembles and tears while you could feel Negan’s glance on you, helpless as he must’ve known that you’d push him away as soon as he’d try to comfort you.
Your shoulders were completely shrunken, your head dropped while more and more tears rolled down your cheeks, letting you look like a horrible picture of misery.
Negan shifted over the floor, his feet unsteady and antsy through the helplessness and guilt he must’ve felt before his footsteps began to sound through the room, as he didn’t walk to you, but past you until he could crab the spare walkie on his nightstand.
For a short moment you controlled your sobs, too nervous about what he was about to do before you heard the sound of the changing frequency and then his voice.
“Who fucking ever is on the other end, Here’s Negan. I know you can hear me no matter if you fucking answer or not. If you’re there Rick, I want you to listen closely, if it’s anybody else of your pisspatrol, deliver this damn massage to him as fast as your sorry ass can”, he said as the corner of your eyes caught him sitting down onto the armrest of the bench while you began to get quiet and listen to what he was saying.
“This is the last damn chance, the last fucking offer I can make. I’ve already had my talks with you Rick, told you shit, hell I even offered you deals. Now your gal pal read me your son’s letter for me and I do got my damn reasons why I’m making a call now after what I told her. So Rick, you’ve read yours already? Have you, Rick? That’s your son, you really wanna fuck his last wish over? You really wanna do that? As I said, we don’t have more chances than that, so if you wanna fulfill what he wants you to do, take this last possibility to do something”, Negan said, trying to keep his voice steady as a small bit of hope and relief began to wash back into your body.
“Take one of my deals, surrender and go down to your damn knees or make a fucking deal up that’s more than fucking realistic for me to consider. Need to be two sides to find one way out. Get over this goddamn ‘I’m gonna kill you’-shit and do something useful. I’ve already said, I didn’t want it to come this damn far. I never fucking did and I’m not making this call here easily”, he said, his glance wandering over to you as you felt yourself grasping for straws.
“Earlier or later, we two are gonna encounter again, one way or another. If you attack, if you pull your shit as always, you’re gonna leave me no other choice than doing the same thing. If not, if you realize what kinda shit you’ve been stirring up over and over again, there might be a chance to a way out, even if were neck deep in this pile of bullshit. Do the right thing, Rick. Not for me, hell of course not. Do that shit for your son and the people you love you still got left, the fucking people you’d lose if you’d continue this crap. Think it over, Rick, think it over and do the right thing”, and with that the walkie clicked a last time before it fell with a small and quiet thud onto the fabric of the bench before it got deadly silent between Negan and you for the next bunch of moments.
“You’re right”, eventually broke the silence, Negan’s voice a little shaky before you let your glance move up until your eyes could meet his.
“I’ll keep the promise, I shouldn’t have even thought about-”, he said, running a hand over his face before he spoke up again, “I shouldn’t have said that crap as well, I’m sorry”
“It’s just all too fucking much right now…I-…hell, I know, that’s no excuse”, he mumbled as his head dropped for a moment, his hand fumbling uneasily on the sleeve zipper of his jacket before he looked up at you again.
“And I can’t lose you too”, he mumbled, gulping harshly as you could see the desperation in his eyes.
“I don’t want this whole shit war to jump right between us whenever we’re beginning to be fucking happy”, he continued, the genuineness clearly audible inches voice before he clenched his jaw tightly.
“Me neither”, you quietly mumbled back, a bit tension seeming to leave him as you were answering back.
“All I fucking want is simply what we had last night or that goddamn movie night the other week without this fucking crap butting in”, he growled, his glance now capturing yours again as he let his hand run uneasily over his beard stubble and made a tiny bit of warmth grow back in your body.
“If this is stopped, if you’ve found a way out, maybe it can be this way”, you quietly mumbled, seeing how Negan began to silently nod, his glance wandering over you as he shifted on the armrest.
“I’ll do my damn best…I won’t let you down on this”, you heard him say with pure and utter genuineness in his voice and just as his voice had faded away, you knew that tomorrow would be the very day to prove it.
(The gif isn’t mine/ it was originally posted by dancing-at-the-funeralparty)
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