With a wide heartfelt smile painted all over the face, happy laughs and chuckles rumbling through the firm chest, wide open and soft eyes and half humming, half singing a nursery rhyme, that’s the way the leader of the Sanctuary sat on the couch in the bright living room, bouncing Judith softly on his leg while she giggled enthusiastically.
Right now it was hard to picture this man, who acted so fatherly and kind in these very moments, with blood splatted over his leather jacket and his salt and pepper beard, laughing mockingly, an odd, terrifying and still jolly glance stuck in possessed looking eyes and a bloody baseball bat in his hand on whose barbed wires stuck bone, flesh and brain mush of two of your friends.
Still you forced yourself to, as you sat on the other couch, glancing at him and your younger sister while you tried to keep the new picture from growing too much on you as it let, much to your annoyance, a warmth grow in you.
But all the work of suppressing didn’t pay off as some new thoughts began to sneak into your mind.
Did he have a family before all this? Had he been a Dad and had bounced his own children on his leg like Judith right now before the world had gone south, had made him lose them and had turned a part of him into the person you had seen that night?
Or didn’t he ever have children but had wished to and it had for some reason never worked before the apocalypse had taken this chance once for all away from him?
Or maybe, he was just a damn psychopath playing games with you right in these seconds.
Cursing inwardly about yourself you leaned deeper into the soft beige fabric of the couch, gulping heavily as you tried to deny that there was something in you that felt drawn to whatever the hell was happening in front of your eyes.
“Loosened your bodice a bit, Sweetheart?”, Negan asked, suddenly with that signature grin on his lips even though there still was a good bit of the heartfelt smile left as he ripped you out of your trance.
Your glance shot at him, shocked by the sudden sound you had heard as a throaty laugh was filling the air.
“Just thought ‘cause…damn Baby, you were smiling at me and I hadn’t seen that yet”, he grinned, his hazel eyes were darting right into yours while you could feel some heat rushing into your cheeks, displaying the embarrassment that was running through your veins along with the anger about yourself.
“No need to blush”, Negan grinned, letting his tongue run over his lower lip, “Even though I really gotta say I fucking like that view.”
“Got some other shit for you on my mind that could make you fucking blush as well”, he grinned, winking at you while another throaty chuckle rumbled through his chest.
You were still perplex, trying to get yourself back in line as you clenched your jaw tightly and tried to get think of a comeback.
Instead you just narrowed your glance slightly, put the uninterested expression back on as well as you could right now while Negan was still grinning widely at you, now with his brows perked up.
“Oh I see whatcha trying to do”, he mumbled smirking, still lightly bouncing Judith on his leg, “But you can’t hide what was already fucking seen.”
You gulped, biting your inner cheek as you felt horribly insecure and exposed right in these moments, not able to fight back because you actually knew that he was right.
No matter how much you hated it.
As if he knew what you were thinking, he knowingly grinned and chuckled lightly as he slightly shook his head before he glanced back at the quietly giggling Judith.
“Maybe you should go tell your big sis that I’m not as much of a bad fella as she wants to think. May-fucking-be you should tell her that big ol’ Negan’s actually a damn fine man”, he chuckled right before you heard Judith giggling a little louder as her tiny and chubby hands reached out to Negan and made a soft grabbing motion.
“Yeah? Will you do that?”, Negan cooed, chuckling while the big smile made his dimples visible and let the pearly white teeth flash up.
You gulped, feeling how the warmth that was still lingering in you got joined by a whole other mix of different feelings which turned into a whirlwind of emotions inside you just as Judith giggles hushed as she quietly yawned.
Playfully, Negan widened his eyes as much as Judith widened her small mouth before she let herself drop down and slump right against him, without even finishing her yawn yet.
Her rosy cheek pressed flush against Negan’s chest as her chubby fingers softly grabbed the fabric of his white shirt and curled her hands into small fists to hold a little closer onto it as she let go of the yawn.
“After some nap? Alright”, Negan chuckled before he looked to his side, “But I think you forgot something fucking important.”
With that he grabbed the grey elephant that had been leaning against his side this whole time before he carefully pulled it over to Judith, whose eyes were lightening up by the sight of her favorite stuffed animal and whose hand was leaving Negan’s shirt for a moment to take the elephant into her small embrace.
“There we go”, he quietly chuckled, placing the plushy in her arm that was almost too big for her to hold.
Still, she did as she closed her eyes and some small curls fell into her relaxed face before the way Negan’s arms wrapped around the small body on his lap got your attention right back to him.
The grin was gone again as he kept her safely against his chest, one of his large hands moved up to cup the side of her small head while the heartfelt smile was fully taking its place again that forced you to throw the acting psychopath theory over board.
This right there, this was real and genuine.
And while he began to dandle her into a dovish slumber, you could feel how the smile began to grow on your face again, slowly but surely, until it had curled the corners of your lips up.
And just as you realized what was happening again, what this whirlwind inside you was doing to you, a pair of hazel eyes darted right back up into yours and damned you to let this whirlwind rage wilder until, earlier or later, in weeks or in months, it would make you loose any control over it once for all.
the gif isn’t mine/ I found it on google so credit to the original owner)
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