Summary: Locked up and alone with his terrorizing thoughts, Negan’s jealousy and fears of loss get even worse as they’re provoked by another nerve-wracking encounter which eventually lets a promising night with the reader turn into the horrible opposite.
Warning: tiny hint of smut, Negan being jealous as hell (and a bit from Negan’s pov again!)
Slowly, you began to drift out of your sleep, first sensing the warmth that was surrounding you, a comfortable and soothing warmth that was building another, a fuzzy and blithe one within your own body.
Shifting softly, your eyes began to flutter slightly until they were half open, glimpsing at the bright sun rays that were already enlightening the cell. For a moment, you stayed still before you could feel his arms tightening carefully around you as you cuddled a little closer.
A sleepy hum was leaving your lips as the warmth surrounding you got stronger while you nuzzled your nose into the comfort of his neck, pressing a soft kiss to his skin.
Gradually, you began to drift more out of your sleep, step by step until you finally got fully back to consciousness and began to feel that there was something hiding beneath this warmth that let it suddenly feel different than every other morning.
It was tension that was coming more and more forth out of its hideout, a tension that was usually only stuck in his body when a nightmare had haunted him in his sleep.
Confused and still stuck in the drowsy shroud the past sleep had left on you you shifted slightly, raising your head sleepily from his shoulder until your eyes could glance at Negan, look into his hazel eyes that were surrounded by a certain darkness even though their soft orbs got enlightened by the morning sun.
“Mornin’, Baby”, he mumbled, his voice was soft as he spoke those two words, completely contrary to his eyes that were backstabbing him in the attempt to keep the mask up his deep and soothing voice was trying to build.
His drawl hushed as your eyes wandered over his face, over each of his handsome features, trying to find out if there was actually something bothering him or if your sleepy self was just hallucinating.
There was no way he’s had much sleep in the last night, his eyes were yearning for rest while the dark circles beneath them were underlining each of the minutes that had been stolen from him in the past night.
His lips were falling into the form of a thin line as soon as his words hushed and were letting the rest of his facial muscles align with it, creating a mine on his face that not only let the confusion grow but formed a bigger concern as well.
“Morning”, you mumbled back, your voice a little croaky from the sleep as you gulped slightly, “Everything okay?…Did you have a nightmare or something?”
Your voice was a bit quieter than before as your eyes kept being captured by his as they still caught the muscles in his cheek twitching as he clenched his jaw.
Slowly, he began to shake his head, creating with each movement more confusion until he finally spoke up.
“No, I’m fine…just didn’t catch much sleep”, he grumbled, attempting to pull you a little closer and caress your waist with his large hand as if he wanted to soothe your concern.
But he couldn’t, the glance in his eyes and the suspense in his body were too revealing for you to believe him right of the bat and it didn’t take more than another glance of yours for him to realize his failed attempt.
With a deep sigh, his eyes wandered for a second through the room, as if he was pondering about what to tell you until they met your glance again, “-And Rick the prick had the fucking glorious idea to change up the guard.”
With puckered brows and a questioning glance in your eyes you looked at him, still confused as he let out a humorless chuckle and shook his head slightly again, reluctant to continue at first.
“Negan, what’s wrong?…Who’s the new guard?”, you asked, careful and with the drowsiness stuck in your voice as he let out a small sigh, as if he was trying to hold something in himself back as his eyes wandered to the high windows of the cell.
Before you could hear his voice echoing through the cell again, it got replaced by the sound of dull footsteps that made their way down the stairs, letting the mine on Negan’s face harden with each step the unknown guard was traveling further south.
Your confused glance switched from Negan’s tensed face towards the cell door, trying to catch the moment the reason for Negan’s behavior would be revealed.
For a moment, you expected Tara or Rosita to step in front of the metal bars, see their dark hair and dun eyes piercing through the door but no, you saw neither of them.
Instead there was an ash blonde thatch peaking through the gaps and glaucous eyes staring right at you, belonging to the figure of a man that let anything Negan’s voice and face had displayed make sense within seconds.
Caleb kept looking at you for seconds, provoking Negan’s arm to tighten around your waist a little more with each of it while your eyes stayed on your friend for a couple of seconds,
“Morning”, Caleb mumbled, giving you a quick nod while your surprised glance was still stuck to Negan’s new guard and the realization that this change would just throw more logs into the fire of jealousy that burned deeply within Negan, no matter how unfounded this jealousy actually was.
He had tamed it last night for your sake, but now that Caleb was right here, right there to let it flame up again, it was just a question of time for how long he would be able to keep it low.
“Just here to make sure you’re up…guess you can already tell that quite a bit changed”, Caleb said, shifting slightly but visibly uncomfortable over the cement ground, “Like Eden said yesterday, they’re pulling a bunch of people off to work at the construction for the windmill till everything’s settled, so for now…well for now I’m taking some shifts over here.”
His eyes were on you, almost as if he was intentionally avoiding to meet Negan’s glance while you were still captured in a bit of a shock stare, trying to process what was happening before Caleb gave you a little insecure but still friendly smile.
“Well then, I’ll see you in about twenty, if I’m not down here by then, just take the walkie to call”, Caleb said, nodding towards the small device by the cell’s door while the man by your side was shuffling up into the pillows and leaning himself against the cold stone wall as if it was giving him a more dominant position.
“Alright, thanks”, you said with a small nod, feeling how Negan was growing more restless next to you as he was staying unusual quiet even though you could tell by the way his jaw clenched and his throat cleared slightly that there was a big urge in him pushing him to make a venomous remark.
It only took seconds for Caleb to give you a confirming nod and another glance before he vanished up the stairs again and the glimpse you could catch of Negan from the corners of your eyes, that was just enough for him to not earn this certain remark.
A harsh gulp travelled down your throat as the last one of Caleb’s steps echoed through the room, right before the dull thud of the door crashing into its lock upstairs catapulted you back into reality, pushing you to realize and process that you weren’t dreaming any of this.
“He was down here before, when you were still sleeping”, Negan grumbled, leading your glance back to his face that was even more tense than before while you could tell by the way his jaw clenched and the muscles in his cheeks twitched that he was trying to hold himself back after your conversation of the last night.
A sigh was leaving your lips as your mind was working flat out, trying to push the left drowsiness aside to handle the situation as well as you could, or without making it worse by bubbling some nonsense.
“I know this is a weird coincidence….but it really doesn’t matter after all, right? Like I said, if he is anything to me than just a friend…and even though I’m pretty sure that’s mutual, anything else doesn’t matter anyway”, you mumbled, trying to keep your voice as calm and soothing as you could before you pushed a small smile into the corners of your lips, hoping Negan’s stare that was still darting at the cold stone would soon fall on you again.
“Only thing I know is that I got a little less than twenty minutes with you left and I’d really like to spend them napping a little more with you…especially because it looks like you could use some more sleep too”, you said, putting a little tease in your voce as your hand caressed softly over his shirt, finally getting his attention as his face softened a bit and turned towards you.
There was still tension written all over it, and you could tell that he would have loved to just fall into a rant or even give Caleb himself a proper talking-to, but still there seemed to be something in him pulling him by the last strings that were left.
“How does that sound, huh? And tonight…if you’re fit enough again, we can do the other kind of napping”, you softly chuckled, finally provoking an all too familiar grin to pull the corners of Negan’s lips softly up and let his hazel eyes meet yours again.
“You can bet your ass on that I could do that right now and here too”, he grumbled but still with that small grin on his lips, as if the devil and the angel on his shoulders were fighting for his attention.
“Oh I know”, you softly laughed, your palm still laying on his chest as your fingers were tracing in small circles over the steel blue fabric of his prison suit.
By the way he was looking at you, you could tell that there was a part of him who would have loved to tear the nightdress off your body and make you moan so that the thick walls would shake and let Caleb know what exactly he was doing to you but instead of giving Negan some more stage for his jealousy you moved in a little closer and glanced calmly at him.
All while you tried to keep his glance tied to yours for a few more seconds, hoping to get Caleb and his jealousy off his mind for at least a bit and as he began to slowly nod, you knew that the angel had successfully pushed the devil off his shoulder, for now.
But just as sure as you were that the devil was already clawing its fingers into the prison suit again, trying to climb its way up the fabric of the sleeve to Negan’s shoulder again, you were sure that there were hidden reasons to why the angel had won this time.
Especially this little flickering in his eyes and the way they softened, as if he was pushing himself more than usual to give in to it, made you ponder for a second.
But this second was quickly over as you caught him shuffling down the pillows again and rolling onto his side on the cheaply squeaking mattress, lifting his arm for you to huddle up to him for the little rest of time you had left.
”You’re gonna come here or nah?”, Negan said glancing at you, a soft chuckle rumbling through his chest while his eyes were visibly still fighting some of his inner demons.
”I will”, you mumbled back, grabbing the thin blanket to keep it steady as you shifted down until Negan’s strong arms could capture you and pull you against his warm chest.
Resting your head on his arm you cuddled closer until you could nuzzle your nose against his neck, feel the small vibrations each of his breaths were giving off while you reached one hand up until it could sink into his dark locks.
A deep hum was elicited from his throat as soon as your fingers traced over his skull, his chest was rumbling in a calm manner against your body as soon as his head fell into the curve of your neck and caused a small smile to grow on your lips.
You liked those moments, those moments that let you feel like there was no one else than you two and in which it didn’t matter where you were.
Especially since his time in the cell had begun you saw their worth even more, in just those minutes that let each of you shut any lousy thoughts out and you could collect some new energy again.
And you stayed just like this for a little while longer, with your bodies entangled, his arms keeping you safely in his embrace and your hand playing softly with his hair while his warm breath and the feeling of his lips brushing over the side of your neck let pleasant goosebumps spread over your skin, until you knew that it was time for you to get ready.
Negan sat on the edge of the cheap bed, stretching his long legs out with a strained but quiet groan as you slipped your arms into the soft leather of your jacket and shuffled your feet over the ground, trying to get a little more comfortable in your boots.
”Think you’ll got your shifts all fucked up too?”, Negan asked, stemming himself off the bed with a small sigh before he made his way over to your side until his large hands could grasp your hips and pull you closer against his firm chest.
”Mhmm probably, depends on if Rick pulled Rosita off the infirmary for the wind mill”, you said leaning closer against him until your head leaned against his shoulder and his arms wrapped a little tighter around your body, keeping you in his warm embrace for a bit longer.
”Alright…don’t let any fucker bother you out there, okay? If you’re still at the infirmary, hell Baby, you’ll rock that shit again…just forget about that shitty last day and get fresh in there, be my goddamn queen of bandages and disinfection shit”, Negan’s voice was serious until the last sentence that let a soft chuckle rumble through his chest as he pressed a quick kiss on the sensitive skin of your neck before he leaned back to look at you.
”You’ll do that for me?”, he asked, a crooked grin dancing over his lips as you began to slowly nod and allowed a smile to sneak onto your face.
”Yeah”, you mumbled, letting your hands sneak up his chest and slide over the fabric of his prison suit until your arms could wrap around his warm neck.
Slowly, he was leaning in until his lips could brush over yours before they captured them entirely, pulling you into a kiss that was as always able to let your knees turn into jelly within seconds.
Humming into his kiss you melted against him, feeling the sensation of his rough beard stubble and soft lips teasing over yours while his strong arms kept you steadily flush against his own body.
You were about to lose yourself in him again, were about to dive into the kind of moment again you’ve had in bed just a little while ago before the sudden thud of a door made you slip back into reality.
Within a second you could feel Negan’s body tensing again, his muscles filing with suspense even though his kiss didn’t stop nonetheless as dull steps sounded over the creaking stairs.
Feeling how your body was yearning for air you let go of his lips to catch your breath again even though you knew that if it wasn’t for you Negan wouldn’t have stopped.
He would have pushed it, although you were still half stuck in the cloud of emotions his kiss had let you swing in, you knew he would have pushed it so his new guard would see you just like this, in each others arms and drowned in a longing kiss.
Glancing up into his hazel eyes you could see the suspense radiating from them, even though it felt like he was still partly trying to suppress it.
Slowly, you let your thumb caress over the back of his neck and leaned once more up to peck his lips with a soft kiss before you heard how the footsteps came to a stop and their echo sounded through the thick walls of the cell.
Within seconds you turned your head towards the sound’s source, catching Caleb’s eyes glancing at you through the cold metal bars while his hand was deeply buried in the pocket of his pants, trying to fish out the small keys for the cell.
”Hey there again”, he said, pushing a small smile into the corners of his lips as he finally grasped the silver keys and brought them accompanied by a clinking sound towards the lock.
”Hey”, you said back, turning a little more towards the door to get ready for leaving before you felt Negan’s arms pushing you lightly back, provoking your glance to fall from Caleb to the man by your side.
”See you tonight?”, he asked, the sentence that was usually a statement connected with a small grin and another kiss had now turned into question and a forced up smirk that was by far not outdrowning the suspense and sternness that was written all over his face.
”Yeah, see you tonight”, you said soft but definitive back, giving him a reassuring smile before leaning up to peck his lips a last time, hoping to let some of the tension vanish.
Reluctantly, Negan’s arms loosened, eventually letting go of you before Caleb’s voice sounded through to you as the sound of the keys sliding into the lock reechoed slightly.
”You’re coming?”, he asked, letting your glance meet his before it seemingly wandered for the first time since this morning towards Negan, “And you take your seat till the doors locked again? Roger said that’s how you’ve handled this till now.”
Even though it was firm, Caleb’s voice wasn’t commanding, but it still let a frown grow all over Negan’s face, pushing the smirk for you once for all off his handsome features.
”Yes, that’s how we do”, Negan grumbled, his eyes goring through the door as if it could shoot poisonous arrows through the metal bars and let them gore deeply into Caleb’s skin.
The frown on Negan’s face got quickly accompanied by the odd and dangerous grin you had seen a couple times before as he made his way over to the cheap bed and let himself fall onto the mattress that squeaked along with the bedsprings beneath the weight that was pressing in on it.
”’Cause I’m definitely that fucking dumb to jump headfirst out of that shitcell against some armed guard while my girl’s right in the danger zone”, Negan let out a deep, but humorless chuckle eliciting an irritated glance to form in Caleb’s eyes as you let out a lost sigh and moved closer to the cell’s door, deciding that it was better for each one of you to just get some distance between them.
”I’m coming”, you just mumbled, quickly slipping through the opening in the wall until you heard the door crashing back into the lock.
You could feel Caleb’s hand ghosting for a short moment over your back in a guiding manner as you lanced one last time at Negan, watched him gulping harshly as he was visibly trying to restrict himself from letting his emotions completely take over his mind.
Then, Caleb’s hand left you again as your own footsteps sounded dully through the air as you made your way up the stairs.
Caleb was still quietly walking next to you as you began to make your way through the house, up until the point the corners of your eyes caught him glancing over at you before the blonde rose his voice.
”Hope you slept well after that last day”, he said the small but friendly smile on his lips as your eyes met his.
”Yeah, I’m glad I could, really needed that…do you got any idea what Rick planned for my shifts?”, you asked, watching him nod quickly as he stepped closer with you towards the front door.
”Yeah, asked him ‘bout you and Eden when he let me know about this here”, Caleb said, his fingers making a small but quick gesture around the room before he glanced back at you, “The infirmary is all yours now, at least for the next week. After that or maybe a little more, he said he’ll see if he still needs Rosita at the windmill or if he maybe already knows more about Siddiq and Maggie’s Baby.”
”Okay- Thanks for asking”, you said, feeling for a short moment a bit uneasy thinking about having the full responsibility at the infirmary, before your mind tried to push the positive arguments into the spotlight.
After all, you liked the work there and a fight with Tara that was followed by one fucked up day shouldn’t take all confidence away from you.
You had to do better now, of course you did, and that you’d lie to say it wasn’t putting pressure on you, but on the other side, maybe you could prove yourself as well.
If you thought this way about it, Rick was finally trusting you to take the lead there and that was an achievement you knew you should acknowledge and maybe even be proud of.
”See you later then”, Caleb said as you found yourself back outside, feeling how the chilly air was trying to sneak beneath your warm leather jacket to conquer your body.
”Yeah, see you later”, you responded with a small smile before you turned on your heels, leaving Negan’s new guard behind, while the thought of his influence on Negan’s odd behavior pushed a whole other set of thoughts into your head that decided to accompany you on your way to the infirmary and stay swinging here and there into your mind even after your shift had begun.
The bedsprings squeaked softly as Negan shifted uneasily over the mattress, trying to get comfortable on the cheap thing that just contributed some more to his already shitty mood that was just getting worse with each moment his tired mind was torturing him more with thoughts he would like to smash with his Lucille into teeny tiny pieces.
But his beloved weapon wasn’t there with him, instead she was laying somewhere in a pitch dark closet in the armory, wasting away next to some shit guns or some of these awful spears the Hilltop had also sent to the Sanctuary in the past.
And just like his bat wasn’t there, his girl wasn’t with him as well.
He had always thought nights would be the worst part for prisoners, when everything was dark, everything was dead quiet and you were all on your own with your thoughts.
But shit, was he wrong.
The nights were the best part of this whole damn mess, in the nights, she was there, made him feel human and very often, as if he wasn’t stuck in this hell hole.
The days on the other side, they were a pain in the ass.
He was alone, but he could sometimes hear the people outside through the thick glass windows behind the metal bars.
He couldn’t hear conversations, or even clear words, but he heard that there was something.
He could hear a bit of what he was missing and each time he heard a sound outside, it reminded him that he wasn’t part of anything anymore, no leader, not even a fucking simple man walking along others but that a fucking locked up prisoner instead.
It ate him up, almost drove him crazy and he could swear that if he wouldn’t have these nights with her, he’d be a lost man.
Crunching his teeth he leaned his back against the stone wall, feeling the cold that was radiating from it pressing through the fabric of his prison suit.
But the coldness wasn’t the thing that was bothering him right now, at least not this kind of coldness.
It was another one, the one that was making his thoughts even worse, the one that was caused by his new guard.
The thought that this fucker had been the one to be there for his girl when the last day had turned into a living nightmare, the thought that this fucker was holding power over him with this shitty little key that was getting comfy in his pants and the memory of how this fucker had looked at her, first this morning when she had still been sleeping, then later, when she had left him, yes, those things were driving him wild.
Negan trusted her when she said he was just someone she was seeing as a friend, but he was sure that she was wrong with saying this kind of view was mutual.
Before this morning, there had been a small part of him to doubt it, to tell himself that he was allowing his mind to play games with him, but after those early hours, even that part was gone.
He didn’t just see her as a friend, not at fucking all.
He knew the kind of glance that fucker was gazing at her with.
If he could, he’d tear the fucking clothes piece by piece off her body and devour her for hours.
Only the damn thought was giving him chills of the worst fucking kind.
And exactly this guy, this fucking asshole was out there with her.
He wasn’t working with her anymore, that was the only good thing about this guard change, but he could be there with her whenever his shift was over, whenever he had a fucking break, whenever he felt like it.
All beneath the fig-leaf of being the friendly fucking guy.
The friendly fucking guy who was free as a damn bird and could give her things he couldn’t.
A shiver rumbled through Negan’s body, letting him shake as he squeezed his eyes just and clenched his jaw tightly, cursing about his own sorry ass as he was trying to keep the toxic thoughts from taking over the last bit of his mind they hadn’t attacked yet.
They were mixing with the deep rooted fear of losing her and the thoughts he’d already had last night that were just as horrible as the ones now.
And they were forming into an army, determined to take him down.
Judging from the way the shadowy lines of the metal bars fell onto the cement floor of his cell, it was about midday and only a few hours had passed since he was alone, so they were way more to come until he’d have her back.
Way more of those lonely hours that gave enough space for those thoughts to attack again and again, and even though he liked to believe hat he was strong enough to make a stand against them, deep down he knew that his would be one hell of a battle, one he might lose.
A sudden thud let him flinch up and ripped him out of the cocoon the thoughts had spun around him, letting his eyes snap towards the cell’s door and capture the cause of the terror in his head, slipping his abstemious food through the gap at the bottom.
“Here’s your lunch”, the blonde grumbled, standing straight up again before an urge in Negan let him swing his legs from the bed and pushed him to step closer to the metallic gate.
Usually, when Roger or one of the other guards brought food, he just kept laying on the bed till they were gone, mostly cracking some joke or little speech just to have his fun by annoying them a little.
Just like he had done it this morning with guard whose name he always forgot while that blonde fucker had probably taken a break or something.
But this time was different.
This time he stepped closer, feeling the rough surface of the cement pressing against the bare sole of his feet while the younger man’s eyes wandered with slight irritant over him.
“Aren’t you ordered to stay back during the meal exchanges too?”, the blonde asked, something swinging in his that just pissed Negan off for fuck knows why and combined with a certain firmness.
He seemed to grow more confident, seemed to settle his damn ass down in the position of power he was holding over him and seemed to slowly leave the damn school boy uneasiness and nervousness from this morning behind.
But maybe, maybe it just needed a bit to push him right back there.
“Nah, I’m not”, Negan grumbled back, feeling every muscle of his body tense as he stepped closer until only the cold metal bars were separating him from this fucker.
“Why? You’re scared? Pissing your pants that I could attack you through this thing here?”, Negan asked, his eyes narrowing with each word while a dangerous grin was dancing over his lips, eliciting the wished irritation and if he was right, even a bit of fear in his opponents eyes.
“No, I’m not, just want you to follow the rules”, he said, in a firm but calm tone, that calm that it drove Negan crazy and that calm that he almost felt like he was mocking and haunting him with his own and now pretty much dead rule-policy, “Since I don’t think you wanna break them and have some consequences following that.”
Oh he wished to, he wished to fucking break them, break those shitty metal bars just along with them, lunge at him and shove the damn plate right down that fuckers throat or better, up his sorry ass.
And that’d just be the beginning.
But he couldn’t do that, this shit wasn’t just about him, no matter what.
“Course not”, Negan growled as he stepped even closer, his tongue sneaking out to wet his bottom lip slowly before he was forcing the younger man to keep the eye contact, ready to change the roles again, turn him into the predator again and the blonde asshole into the prey.
He was gonna use this opportunity, hell yes he was gonna do that.
“’Cause I know the first thing Rick the little prick would take away from me as a damn punishment would be my girl and I can’t have that…no fucking one gets to do that”, the dangerous drawl was echoing through his voice, his eyes still locking with the man behind the bars, capturing how the other’s brain began to work on those words, just enough for Negan to back away.
“So nope, I won’t break those little shitty rules of yours. So you can loosen your bodice and take a few fucking deep breaths, I won’t attack you through those metal bar shit here”, he chuckled darkly, bowing down to grab the plate of food, lacing his fingers around the porcelain edges before he got his back straight again.
He looked one last time into the glance of the man who was eying him up and down, trying unsuccessfully to estimate him, and even though it was pleasing in its own kind of way, it didn’t give him the satisfaction and reassurance Negan was yearning for.
That guy was still a massive threat.
“Good”, Caleb just responded, his voice firm as he nodded slowly almost if that was it before a rush of confidence seemed to wash over him , “Pretty sure she would want that too.”
The tone wasn’t advsing not as kind as the fucking smile that fucker was giving his girl anytime she looked his way, it had a kind of teasing tension swinging in it that let Negan’s eyes flare up in combination with her mentioning.
“What the hell do you know ‘bout that”, it blustered dangerously out of him, his grip tightening around the plate as a pinch of fear slashed through the other’s eyes before he squared up again, as if he was pushing himself to make a stand.
“At least enough to know that she can need someone who’s by her side in this….and who doesn’t give her more stuff to worry about”, the voice of the blonde was calm but quieter than before, almost as if he was surprised himself that he was speaking those words out but right now, Negan didn’t give a shit about that.
The only thing he could wrap his mind around was the anger that was boiling up in him, the anger that wanted to rip the head of this fucker, but instead the aching pain that was giving the anger company was pushing him in a shock trance, enough for the guard the give him another short glance before he turned away and stepped out of his view and closer towards the stairs.
With a deep huff, Negan turned around, still somehow paralyzed and shuffling with his food towards the cheap bed again while he finally heard the descending footsteps echoing through the staircase until they had hushed completely.
They were leaving him alone with the thoughts that were slipping back into his mind, whirling up with the brooding anger the encounter had brought into his body into a tornado that was rushing through each of his cells, back on their way to let his concerns grow.
The wind was brushing softly over your face as you made your way down the street, finishing a day that had been a holiday compared to the past one.
You had started tensed up, with the pressure hiding in the back of your head that you couldn’t fuck up again, but with each passing minute you had tried to let yourself be lead by what Negan had told you.
And it had worked.
You had been a little nervous at first, could feel your hands trembling slightly when you were treating your first patient of the day but after that everything seemed to fall more and more in line, until you got back to the usual agenda.
The very only thing that had brought you a little concern was still the thought of Negan’s reaction to Caleb this morning, or even more how the next days with him as his new guard would turn out until Roger would take over again.
And this concern got back up into your head as soon as you headed towards the brownstones and caught Caleb sitting on a chair in front of the main entrance, stretching his legs out and spinning the small silver keys in between his fingers before he glanced up and captured your eyes.
Within seconds the usual friendly smile grew on his lips as he heft himself up from the wooden chair and watched you stepping closer, greeting him as soon as you were close enough.
“How was your shift? Better than yesterday?”, Caleb asked as he opened the heavy door, allowing you to slip inside before joining you and letting the entrance fall shut again.
“Yeah, way better. Yours?”, you asked, not only to be kind, but also to find out if anything had happened between Negan and him, even if it was just a bunch more of snarky remarks.
“Now that’s great to hear. Mine was fine, pretty different from the work at the crops, but I mean, it’s just for now and they’re just a couple shifts a day. I’ll get used to it”, he said, his voice was filled with ease, but it wasn’t giving you all the information you wished for.
“And I just got back. Miles had the other shift till a half hour ago so I’m all fresh for the night”, Caleb added with a small chuckle, leading you through another room closer towards the staircase before he grabbed the handle of the door last door keeping you from it and gradually opened it.
“Gonna be a long one and I’m still not all inured with working in the night as well but I mean, I can’t complain, not after the stuff you had going on yesterday”, he added as he glanced for a short moment at you.
“It’s fine”, you just replied with a small smile, seeing how he glanced at you for one more moment before he rose his voice again.
“Yeah, still. Just glad it worked out today for you”, he said with another kind smile before strolling down the first steps, followed by you as you made your way down.
Moments later you were able to step in front of the metal door and glance inside the cell, catching Negan’s figure that was already slightly enlightened by the petroleum lamp beside his bed and the last bit of light the windows were allowing to stream into the cell.
His eyes lit up for a moment as he caught your glance, his lips curling softly up before his glance got more concentrated again as it switched to the blonde man who was getting closer towards the door until he could slid the keys inside the lock.
With a click the door sprung open as Caleb turned around to you and slowly opened the door.
“Well then, till tomorrow morning I guess”, he said, pressing a small smile into the corners of his lips before you gave him a small nod and stepped closer towards the entrance.
“Yeah, till tomorrow”, you said, your voice friendly as you slipped inside and heard how the door closed as slowly as it had opened, with creaking noises of strained metal until the sound of the lock reechoed.
Just as you heard descending footsteps and your glance was about to wander back towards the cell’s bed, strong hands cupped your jaw, fingers slid into your hair and pulled you into against warm lips that captures yours immediately in a deep kiss.
A deep kiss that was growing more desperate with each second, with each caress of his lips over yours, with each bit he pulled you closer and let your mind shut down for a few moments until he had taken all your breath.
Even when you were catching your breath with trembling lips, his own were still hovering over yours and his hands were still keeping your face close to his while his chest rose and fell strongly against your body.
Before your mind could even fully come back, could ask him if he was fine, if this had to mean anything, his deep drawl vibrated against your lips.
“Fuck…I need you, Baby. Now”, even though his voice had this dominant and deep drawl swinging in it, it was still just as desperate as his kiss and just as desperate as the next one he was pressing to your lips as his hands wandered down your body, tugging on the lapel of your jacket until he could push it down your arms.
You were longing for him, of course you were but something about this wasn’t letting you go.
It was by far not the first time for him to surprise you with this kind of greeting, but this time was different and you were about a hundred percent sure that you knew the reason why.
“Negan?”, you mumbled as soon as he caught breath for the first time after letting your jacket fall with a dull thud to the ground, immediately letting his eyes snap to yours.
“Yeah, Sweetheart?”, he asked, his fingers already brushing over the end of your shirt, caressing the bare skin of your stomach and hips.
“You’re okay?”, you asked, his eyes escaping yours to wander over the cold stone for a second before your hands ran up his prison suit until they cupped the back of his neck.
“Negan?”, you asked, concern swinging in your voice that let his eyes switch over to you until his hazel orbs locked with yours.
“’Course I am”, he said, his voice a little to confident, the smirk that was beginning to grow on his lips a little too bright,”You’re here with me again. I’m fucking thriving.”
With that his lips pressed on yours once more but quickly left your skin again as soon as he felt the restricted way you responded, not believing him yet.
“Don’t worry, Baby”, he grumbled against your lips, pecking them softly as his arms wrapped tighter around your body.
You glanced up into his hazel eyes, knowing that there definitely wasn’t everything fine.
But just as his lips caressed longingly over yours again, a part of you thought that maybe he needed this right now, maybe he needed to blow off some steam this way and get his mind finally off the things that were buzzing through it, maybe so you could properly talk to him after it.
For one more moment you hesitated, before this part of you and the longing for him you felt yourself brought you to respond to his kiss and allow you to melt into him.
Just as you had kicked off your boots, you already felt him guiding you towards the bed until your back hit the mattress and you felt him climbing on top of you, settling in between your legs while his arms were securely caging you within his warm embrace. Slowly, your fingers fumbled on his shirt, unbuttoning the steel blue top of his prison suit until you could brush it off his shoulders and let your fingers trace along his sides, down his back until you could rest your fingertips just above the waistband of his pants.
It took only moments for him to brush your shirt off too, beginning to fondle your body as soon as the fabric hit the floor, kissing and nibbling down your neck and your collarbones before capturing your lips again, letting more heat pool within your body’s middle.
His hands were wandering south, fumbling on the zipper of your pants until you raised your hips slightly, allowing him to pull them down as his lips left yours for a moment, right before they crashed back onto them as soon as just your underwear was left on your heated body.
You could feel his weight beginning to press in on you again, feel his warm skin right against yours as his hands wandered down until they could grab your thighs, let his rough fingertips dig into your skin to press you closer and harder against him.
Humming and softly moaning into the kiss you wrapped your legs around his hips as the heat in your body grew more, letting you feel how it was turning your panties into a wet mess.
You were enjoying to feel him closer with each second, each minute, with each touch and each kiss while you allowed yourself to begin to lose yourself in him.
But only up until the point where you felt that this wasn’t happening to him, not as it always happened.
He wasn’t melting against you, wasn’t sinking into the kisses, wasn’t letting those little satisfied growls rumble through his chest and wasn’t teasingly grinding himself against you.
There was a certain tension stuck in him, you could feel that his thoughts weren’t letting him go, they were wrenching on him, as if they were trying to pull him away from the trance he yearned to fall into.
You could feel him trying, pushing himself to get to this point he could lose himself in the kisses and touches as well.
But before you could think of doing something, maybe even stopping, you felt him growing more restless, more tense before he suddenly pulled away from your kiss.
His breath was heavy, his body was shivering while you could still feel his face hovering over yours as your eyes opened immediately, glancing at his tensed face.
His eyes were pressed shut until they slowly opened, forming more worry in you within seconds.
“Negan, what’s wrong?”, you mumbled, trying to catch his glance.
You knew one of the reasons, and while you were sure there were more hidden in the dark, you needed to hear him say them, have him finally talk to you.
“No, don’t tell me it’s nothing. I can feel that this isn’t true”, you cut him off, even though your tone was careful as your hand reached up to his jaw, trying to lead his glance towards you.
And fInally, his hazel but tense orbs met yours.
“Just let us go on with this, please”, he said, his glance wandering uneasily over your face as his words pressed firmly but still pleading out of his lips.
“Why are you so dogged on this here now?”, you asked, feeling how desperation was beginning to course through your veins while Negan’s eyes refused to meet yours.
And they still kept on doing this as he eventually stemmed himself up and leaned back, until his legs swung off the bed’s edge.
His jaw was clenching tightly, the muscles in his cheek twitched and let you grow more restless as you were slowly sitting yourself up before he finally spoke up.
“’Cause this”, he grumbled making a small gesture towards the bed before a harsh gulp travelled down his throat as his eyes met yours for the split of a second ,”Some damn fuck is the only fucking thing I can give you in here.”
His voice was growling, frustrated and almost dangerous as a shivering breath fell from your lips as you slowly shuffled closer to him, trying to figure out how to get this bullshit thought out of his head.
“That’s not true, Nega-”
“Oh, it isn’t?”, harshly he spoke up, his voice still trembling underneath the sarcasm before he huffing lifted himself off the bed and grabbed the shirt of his prison suit, turning his back towards you and refusing to look at you as his fingers buttoned it up, as if he was using it to keep a wall up between the both of you.
You could feel your ribcage tighten in the pain of helplessness, pressing air out of your lungs before you shuffled your shirt over your body and let your feet hit the ground as well.
And just as you wanted to raise your voice again, tell him that those thoughts were all wrong, his eyes snapped towards you again and his voice echoed through the cell.
“You got so fucking much waiting out there for you. Fucking anything I can’t give you in here. And that guy up there? That fucker? Oh, he’d gladly take over”, his voice was piercing, soaked in anger and desperation just like the flickering terror in his eyes.
“Negan, he doesn’t-”
“He fucking does. You’ve seen the way he’s looking at you? He’s eyefucking you”, Negan spat the words out, letting a deep breath fall from your lips as you could feel your own desperation and helplessness grow.
“Not everybody wants to fuck me, Negan”, you said, your voice tense and harsher than you actually wanted while he shook his head, his jaw clenching while the thick vein on his neck began to swell dangerously.
“Well, he certainly does”, he growled, before his voice got even more biting while pain flickered through his eyes, “And he’s gonna as soon as you wake up and see what kinda shitshow you’re stuck in if you stay with me.”
His voice was booming through your head, sending shivers of pain and shock through it before your brows puckered and your body tensed up as you got out of the small shock his words had catapulted in.
“Are you kidding me?”, it blustered out of you, your eyes staring in disbelief in him while more hurt feelings began to mix within your body.
“No, I’m fucking not. Just another role he’s gonna fucking take over ‘cause I’m stuck in this shithole, ‘cause I can’t give you any fucking thing”, he growled, letting another shivering breath fall from your lips as your mind was in terror, completely at a loss and stuck in a cloud of pain,
Trying to breath through, trying to calm the terror you grabbed your pants, shuffling them back on, hoping that this small distraction would calm you at least a tiny bit down.
But of course, it didn’t.
”I don’t want him, when are you gonna finally believe that?”, you growled, desperation swinging in between your heavy breaths.
”But you wanna tell me you want this all here?! Till fuck knows when?!”, Negan’s voice was stern, yet desperate as your eyes met his again.
He panted as his whole face grimaced in pain and anger, not allowing you to say anything as his loud voice continued.
“You really wanna sleep forever on this crappy ass bed?! Wanna live half of your damn fucking day-…life as a prisoner fuck too?!”, his voice got louder, booming and restless, his whole body was filled with suspense while yours got filled with more pain, as there was only a small part of your mind left that pushed the thought that only his desperation was making him say those things and blow up this way.
But this small part vanished and got instead replaced with more pain and even frustration as you saw him pacing like a wild animal through the room, filling up with more anger.
“Yeah”, you brought out, your own stubborn head pushing it while Negan didn’t seem to hear you, instead he grew even more tense, with the vein on his neck pulsing harshly and with horror written all over his face.
His eyes turned dark, a deep humorless chuckle fell from his lips before his brows puckered and the frown spread over his features again, combining with his biting voice.
“Oh wait, this all is gonna be just fine, right? Bet we’re gonna have some nice fucking candle light shit dinner, with that fucking petroleum shit lamp and that plate of crap food they’re feeding me”, he called sarcastically out his foot pushing enough against the empty plate to let it rush a few inches against the wall, not enough force behind it to break it but enough to let the sound of its encounter echo horribly through the cell.
Flinching up you felt the pain of his words letting a lump in your throat grow while Negan stared panting at the plate, seemingly being ripped out of his rage by the stinging sound.
His shoulders rose and fell at a restless pace, his lips gaped only enough open to let his heavy breaths escape while the rest of his body tensed and trembled harder.
You tried to grasp the last chance to collect yourself, to not fully lose control but before you could start another try, maybe even get the threateningly growing lump out of your throat you heard his voice again.
This time it wasn’t loud and not booming at all, instead the pain got more audible next to the firmness and growling that was still stuck in it.
”You’ll leave. Earlier or later you’ll leave”, those words felt like they knocked you to the ground as thousands of knifes seemed to gore their blade into your skin, wrenching and pulling your flesh apart.
“Just a matter of time till you got enough of this.”
Was he really thinking that?
After you’ve been through hell and back with him?
And if so, how could he believe that?
How could he think that little of you? How could he think that you were that shallow that you’d just give him up, give what you both have up simply and only because of this cell?
You could finally feel the lump in your throat winning the fight it had with you, pushing burning tears into your eyes, tears of disappointment, anger and even more pain before your lips brought out the question itself.
“Do you really think that?, you asked, your voice strained and weak but with a stern and biting tone that was caused by the anger in your body that was the only thing keeping your voice steady.
“Negan, I’ve seen you bleed out. You were almost dying in my arms…I’ve had you laying half dead and unconscious for fucking days in front of me-”, you brought out, feeling how the tears in your eyes urged their way forward and cut you off.
“After all that, you really think I’ll leave just because you’re in here? You think that little of me?!”, you added, feeling how your feelings of pain were completely taking over while Negan’s glance fell for the first time since his last words on them again.
And just as you casted your watery eyes down, could feel how the tears began to roll over your cheeks, the corners of your eyes seemed to catch how his face dropped in terror.
A shivering breath feel from your lips as your body and mind begin to give up completely to the whirlwind of horror and emotions that was raging within them before you suddenly flinched up as you heard the sound of fast footsteps rushing down the stairs.
Your eyes snapped towards the door, catching Caleb’s eyes looking with pure concern at you before they shot towards Negan as his voice echoed through the cell.
“What the hell do you want here?”
“Make sure you won’t hurt anyone”, Caleb’s voice was resentful and tensed, as much as you had never even thought he was capable of.
“I wouldn’t harm a single hair on her head”, Negan’s voice growled, the anger audibly beginning to boil back up again,”I wouldn’t ever fucking hurt her.”
“Looks to me like you already did. One way or another”, Caleb said with a dangerous calmness mixed into his voice you were sure would drive Negan even more wild.
Even though you tried to stop it and whipped them off your skin, more tears rolled down your cheeks, as if your emotions were stuck in a barrel that was flowing over and over again.
“Now get back to the bed”, the tensed voice of the guard said as you first glanced up and brushed the tears off your face once more, catching the furious glance that was beginning to settle in Negan’s eyes as they gored through Caleb.
Without breaking eye contact with Negan he reached towards the gun, letting your breath hitch as he rested it on the holster and gave Negan a warning glare.
A deep scoff left Negan’s lips as you could feel his glance brushing over you for a moment, before he gave in, nodded and walked tensely back to the bed.
As soon as the bedsprings squeaked beneath his weight, you heard the metallic sound of the keys sliding into the lock before they turned and let the door spring open.
Your eyes lifted from the ground again, catching Negan’s glance brushing over you, something that seemed like worry and regret trying to break through the mask of anger and pain on his face while you gulped harshly down.
“I’ll come back when you’ve calmed down”, just left your lips without thinking much about it, it just slipped out of them, broken and quiet, knowing that you needed your space after whatever the hell had happened in this night.
“Come here”, you heard Caleb mumble as you eventually slipped through the gap after you had grabbed your boots and your jacket, digging your fingers into their fabrics at if it could ease your tension.
Just as you were stepping through it you were feeling next to filled up with emotions, awfully empty as well as the person you had usually leaned on when you experienced this kind of mess was now the one that had caused it.
A trembling breath fell from your lips as you could feel Caleb’s hand placing on your back trying to guide and maybe even soothe you before you heard Negan’s voice a last time.
“Get your fucking hands off her”, it echoed through the cell, your eyes went up in a glare to meet his for a last time before you stepped up the stairs.
“You’re okay?”, you heard Caleb ask as soon as you stood outside the door, fresh and chilly night air filling your lungs and hitting your skin while it gave you a little hope that it might be able to soothe your suspense filled body.
”Sorry, I know that’s not the best question right now, I just wanna know”, he mumbled as you looked up and shuffled into your boots, gulping harshly as you tried to get yourself in order.
“I’ll be fine”, you mumbled slightly sniffling, more hoping for it than actually knowing it while you brushed the leather of your jacket over your arms, hoping that its comfortable and familiar feeling might calm you a little.
“Hmm?”, you heard him murmur as he held out a bit scrunched but new tissue out to you, raising his brows softly.
“Thanks”, you mumbled with a strained and battled voice, taking the tissue and bringing it down over your cheeks to get the last tears off of them before new would earlier or later stream over them again.
“Hey, you want me to get you back to Rick’s house? Not sure if walking alone’s the best thing for you now”, Caleb mumbled, as you let out a deep breath, trying to rally yourself before you slowly shook your head.
It was already an odd feeling for you that he had seen you this vulnerable, and even though you were grateful, you needed nothing else than be on your own.
“Think I need that right now, be alone for a bit…but thank you anyway.”
You bit your lips, scrunched the tissue inbetween your fingers like one of those stress balls while Caleb slowly nodded, the worry still stuck in his eyes.
“You deserve more than what happened down there, you know that, right?”, he brought out, his glance meeting yours again in the faint light of the street lamps.
You weren’t gonna answer this, you were way too rilled up right now, your body was still all tense while the pain let an awful nausea wash over you again and again and besides that, this or anything else regarding Negan wasn’t something you were gonna discuss with him.
No matter how confused, hurt and mad you were about him right now.
“I just need to go home now…”, you mumbled instead, still feeling how the remains of the lump in your throat were making it hard for you to talk without sounding like miserable little thing.
“Okay…but if there’s something I can do…you know where you can find me”, he said, leaning a little closer until you glanced up at him as he was trying to press a tiny uplifting smile into the corners of his lips, even though it got massively overshadowed by the concern that was still keeping his face hostage.
“Thanks..”, you just mumbled back, trying to let your lips that were still slightly swollen from Negan’s kisses form into a grateful smile before you breathed through, “See you around then.”
“Yeah, see you around”, Caleb said, gulping as his eyes wandered one last time over your face before you gave him a small nod and turned around, feeling the stones crunch beneath your shoe’s soles as you began to make your way down the dark road.
Darkness around you, darkness within you.
It seemed like there was nothing else but this darkness, trying to eat you up while you felt how tears began to roll down your face and whimpers left your lips, threatening to form into sobs as soon as you were out of earshot.
Pressing your trembling hand on your mouth you tried to silence your louder becoming whimpers, scared that someone could see or hear you this way.
You felt alone, completely alone for the first time in a really long while.
You’d lost any of your old friends and Daryl and now?
Had you lost Negan now too? Or were you on a way for this to happen?
Did he think over all this time differently about you and your relationship than you had thought? Did he really think you’d just choose Caleb or anybody else over him just because they weren’t imprisoned? Or was he just scared and did this fear let him lash out or were you only trying to tell that yourself to not face the ugly truth?
You didn’t know.
It was like nothing in your head was working anymore, stuffed too full with emotions and thoughts to function at all.
Everything in Rick’s house, your old and maybe now new home was dark when you finally felt the porch’s steps sinking a little in beneath your weight as you shuffled up the stairs.
The last thing you wanted was for them to see you this way and to immediately know the cause.
They’d know earlier enough, at the latest when they’d find out that you had been sleeping in the house.
Pain was still twitching through your every cell as you sneaked as quietly as you could up through the house, up the stairs, down the hallway until the door of your room shut as quietly as you could behind yourself.
Moments later, only with your boots kicked to the ground and your leather jacket falling next to it on the carpet, your body hit the mattress of the bed, your face pressed into the several pillows and your hands fisted soft blankets as if they could give you any hold as new shocks of whimpers and pain rushed through you.
But they couldn’t soothe you, those soft blankets, comfy pillows and this giant bed, not like Negan’s arms usually did when things went south.
That was the thing about this all, the thing Negan didn’t seem to get…maybe didn’t want to get.
Those comfort necessaries were nice and cozy and you did like them but you’d switch them without bating an eyelash out for his embrace, no matter if it was on a squeaking and cold mattress on a cheap bed in a dark cell or not.
You would return, just as you had said it, but the thought of it or its possible outcome let piercing pain and fear eat up, let the darkness around you lull you into its terrifying and nightmare-promising depths while the last tears rolled over your burning cheeks before your mind and body gave in and let you dive into the darkness.
(The gif isn’t mine/ it was originally posted by dancing-at-the-funeralparty)
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