This was requested by @ly–canthrope and is based on the song “You are enough” by Sleeping at last (you can find the lyrics at the end, below the tags)
Hope you all enjoy this!!
Snowflakes were swaying down the nightsky, passing along the window beside your bed, filling the darkness with small light spots that got thicker with every passing minute. A bit of the icy air from outside could slip through tiny leaky spots in the frame of the large factory window and brush over the parts of your body that weren’t engulfed by a thick blanket.
Shivering, you slipped deeper underneath the sheets, feeling how your body yearned for the cozy warmth beside you. Slowly, you turned your head to its source, allowing your glance to land on the sleeping man next to you in bed. He was all still, only his chest was rising and falling in a steady rhythm underneath the white shirt while small, content breaths were slipping through his relaxed lips. His face was turned to you, the expression all calm and slackened, the brows that usually tended to perk playfully up when he was talking to you were now at ease. You weren’t even exaggerating when you said that he nearly looked like a painting in the faint moonlight, with that salt and pepper stubble covering his jaw and cheeks, those handsome features of his and the dark hair that looked a tiny bit tousled by now.
That view was nearly enough to keep you up all night, but that wasn’t actually the reason you were laying wide awake in your bed.
It was something that had simmered in you for a while, somewhere deep inside you and it had creeped it’s way up your body until it could fully sneak into your head tonight.
Were you enough for him?
It was an ugly thought, something that had enough power to send a stinging pain through you every time you just thought of that question but regardless of how much you tried to push it away and finally fall asleep, it always popped back up to torment you all over again.
It took its roots in the incertainty about your relationship and its nearly secretive nature, and about the women who still called themselves his wives.
He wasn’t seeing them anymore, but yet they still paraded around the grad hall, wore the black dresses and yet the whole Sanctuary still thought these were the women who were with him. And you, well you were his little secret. You were his little escape from being the big bad wolf he was outside this apartment, from the work, the stress, the constant threat of the wandering dead outside the fences.
Outside this room, there were no kisses, no loving touches, nothing of what you got as soon as the door of this room closed behind him; officially, his wives were the women by his side and you were maximally the girl Negan visited on her shifts from time to time to flirt a little, nothing more.
It shouldn’t bother you this much, it really shouldn’t. You should just be glad to have someone, even if it was just for the nights, especially in these times. But you wanted more certainty nevertheless, the question was spooking too much through your head to keep on facing Negan without it popping back up and putting tension all over you.
You had tried to find other explanations for it, but the little devil on your shoulder had done its very best to cram up explanations that only strengthened your fears.
Ones that whispered in your ear that you really weren’t enough, and if you were only for now, only for these hours, only for some comfort, but not more. And maybe, yes, maybe you weren’t enough for the long run. Maybe you were just enough for these nights, and maybe it was just a matter of time until he would grow tired of you and go back to them, turn you into nothing more than a shadow of the past.
Slowly, you could feel a single hot tear falling from your eye and rolling down your temple until it fell on the pillow that cradled your head, forewarning others that already welled up in your eyes and got fueled by your thoughts and the big lump in your throat.
Fuck, you hated this. Sighing you reached up to brush the tears away, only leaving their damp trail behind while you turned your head to look outside the window, concentrate on the white snowy dots to distract yourself. Oh how you wished that you would just wake up and everything would be figured out. Just know how things stand, know what he felt for you, know that you were actually enough.
Suddenly, you felt the mattress move a little, elicited by the man beside you whose movements immediately let your head snap towards him.
He grumbled, his face grimacing drowsily and a little confused while his eyes were still closed, his body somewhere between being asleep and awake while you stayed all still, not meaning to wake him.
But instead, he stirred some more, now passing over the edge to slowly waking up while you tried to figure out what would happen once he would open his eyes.
“Baby?”, Negan finally drowsily mumbled, a little confused by the lack of your warmth and your figure cuddled up to him, his brows furrowed while his eyes were still closed before they slowly opened, just enough to glimpse at you.
“Come back here”, he mumbled, grumbling a little as he stirred and shifted some more, rolling onto his side to reach out to you, caress his fingers over your arm while you tried to gulp the rest of the tears down, hoping he wouldn’t see them right away. But instead, he seemed to catch the brushed away tears from your cheeks in the faint light and your watery eyes, as his brows furrowed and he slowly propped himself onto his elbow to get a better look at you.