Negan Imagine ~ “You are enough”

This was requested by @ly–canthrope​​ and is based on the song “You are enough” by Sleeping at last (you can find the lyrics at the end, below the tags) 

Hope you all enjoy this!!

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Snowflakes were swaying down the nightsky, passing along the window beside your bed, filling the darkness with small light spots that got thicker with every passing minute. A bit of the icy air from outside could slip through tiny leaky spots in the frame of the large factory window and brush over the parts of your body that weren’t engulfed by a thick blanket. 
Shivering, you slipped deeper underneath the sheets, feeling how your body yearned for the cozy warmth beside you. Slowly, you turned your head to its source, allowing your glance to land on the sleeping man next to you in bed. He was all still, only his chest was rising and falling in a steady rhythm underneath the white shirt while small, content breaths were slipping through his relaxed lips. His face was turned to you, the expression all calm and slackened, the brows that usually tended to perk playfully up when he was talking to you were now at ease. You weren’t even exaggerating when you said that he nearly looked like a painting in the faint moonlight, with that salt and pepper stubble covering his jaw and cheeks, those handsome features of his and the dark hair that looked a tiny bit tousled by now.
That view was nearly enough to keep you up all night, but that wasn’t actually the reason you were laying wide awake in your bed.
It was something that had simmered in you for a while, somewhere deep inside you and it had creeped it’s way up your body until it could fully sneak into your head tonight.
Were you enough for him?
It was an ugly thought, something that had enough power to send a stinging pain through you every time you just thought of that question but regardless of how much you tried to push it away and finally fall asleep, it always popped back up to torment you all over again. 
It took its roots in the incertainty about your relationship and its nearly secretive nature, and about the women who still called themselves his wives.
He wasn’t seeing them anymore, but yet they still paraded around the grad hall, wore the black dresses and yet the whole Sanctuary still thought these were the women who were with him. And you, well you were his little secret. You were his little escape from being the big bad wolf he was outside this apartment, from the work, the stress, the constant threat of the wandering dead outside the fences. 
Outside this room, there were no kisses, no loving touches, nothing of what you got as soon as the door of this room closed behind him; officially, his wives were the women by his side and you were maximally the girl Negan visited on her shifts from time to time to flirt a little, nothing more. 
It shouldn’t bother you this much, it really shouldn’t. You should just be glad to have someone, even if it was just for the nights, especially in these times. But you wanted more certainty nevertheless, the question was spooking too much through your head to keep on facing Negan without it popping back up and putting tension all over you.
You had tried to find other explanations for it, but the little devil on your shoulder had done its very best to cram up explanations that only strengthened your fears.
Ones that whispered in your ear that you really weren’t enough, and if you were only for now, only for these hours, only for some comfort, but not more. And maybe, yes, maybe you weren’t enough for the long run. Maybe you were just enough for these nights, and maybe it was just a matter of time until he would grow tired of you and go back to them, turn you into nothing more than a shadow of the past.
Slowly, you could feel a single hot tear falling from your eye and rolling down your temple until it fell on the pillow that cradled your head, forewarning others that already welled up in your eyes and got fueled by your thoughts and the big lump in your throat.
Fuck, you hated this. Sighing you reached up to brush the tears away, only leaving their damp trail behind while you turned your head to look outside the window, concentrate on the white snowy dots to distract yourself. Oh how you wished that you would just wake up and everything would be figured out. Just know how things stand, know what he felt for you, know that you were actually enough. 

Suddenly, you felt the mattress move a little, elicited by the man beside you whose movements immediately let your head snap towards him.
He grumbled, his face grimacing drowsily and a little confused while his eyes were still closed, his body somewhere between being asleep and awake while you stayed all still, not meaning to wake him.
But instead, he stirred some more, now passing over the edge to slowly waking up while you tried to figure out what would happen once he would open his eyes.
“Baby?”, Negan finally drowsily mumbled, a little confused by the lack of your warmth and your figure cuddled up to him, his brows furrowed while his eyes were still closed before they slowly opened, just enough to glimpse at you.
“Come back here”, he mumbled, grumbling a little as he stirred and shifted some more, rolling onto his side to reach out to you, caress his fingers over your arm while you tried to gulp the rest of the tears down, hoping he wouldn’t see them right away. But instead, he seemed to catch the brushed away tears from your cheeks in the faint light and your watery eyes, as his brows furrowed and he slowly propped himself onto his elbow to get a better look at you.

“Hey, you okay?”, he asked, his voice still sleepy while a shivering breath fell from your lips and you somehow tried to find the right way to answer him as he grew more restless.
”What’s wrong? Nightmare again?”, he mumbled, stroking his large hand over his face as if it could stroke the drowsiness away while you still had no idea what to say. Should you have this conversation with him now? In the middle of the night, tired and already upset?
”Sweetheart?”
Yes, you probably should. Negan wouldn’t let it rest now and maybe it was good this way. You wanted certainty, so you had to get it now.
“No, I uh…”, you mumbled, gulping as the words got stuck in your throat and you shifted uncomfortably over the sheets, watching as Negan’s brows perked up while you pushed yourself to get the question that had ghosted through your head finally out of your mouth.
“Am I enough for you?”, it finally fell from your lips, fear striking through you as soon as your voice hushed again and you weren’t sure what response to expect as Negan’s brows tightened and the muscles in his cheeks twitched.
“What?”, he asked, more confused than before as he leaned for a moment back to switch the small lamp on the nightstand on to get a better look at you as soon as he moved back and sat up on the bed,”Course you are, why-”
“I mean enough for something more than this secret thing here”, you said, moving up to sit as well, while your eyes wandered nervously from his, and your fingers began to fumble on the edge of one of the pillowcases before you forced yourself to look back at him.
“Is it really secret?”, he asked, his eyes burning into you as if he was trying to read all answers off your face. 
“It feels like it”,you said, growing more insecure even though an urge in you gladly pushed you to keep going and get those thoughts out of your system,”Outside this here we’re not acting like a-”
You’d almost said couple. Almost. Shit, you didn’t even know if you were that or if this conversation now would catapult you even farther from it.
“Like we are in here, not even close”,you switched it up quickly, your fingers still fumbling on the cloth, as you gulped thickly and still felt the pain and fear crawling through you,”It’s like I’m just your little escape for some comfort in the nights…nobody really knows of us they don’t think I’m with you, they think your wives are.”
“Baby, you know there’s nothing going on there-”
“I know, but it’s like-”, you added quickly, then stoping abruptly to sort the right words while you could feel Negan’s eyes burning into you as he shifted full of restlessness,”It’s like you could back out of this here anytime and everything would get back to business as usual for you and anybody else…and I’d just-”
“But I won’t back out”, Negan said, the tone in his voice almost pleading as his hand reached towards yours that still rested on the mattress, bringing you to look right back into his eyes.
“Then why are you keeping this so secretive? Why-”, you started, the warmth his last words had elicited still tainted by the doubt as you forced yourself to push out a question whose answer could hurt the most,”Why haven’t you left your wives yet?”
For a moment, it got silent in the room, Negan’s lips dropped a little open as he stared at you, his hand still resting on yours as he thickly gulped and let a deep breath fall from your lips, rising the tension within you up until the point that you felt like it would slowly tear you apart.
“Listen it’s not because I want a way back out of us, okay?”,he finally said, only taking the suspense off a little as he ran a hand over his stubble and squeezed your hand softly,”I thought it’s what would be easiest for you.”
What? Why should it be easier? So now, you were the one staring at him with in confusion furrowed brows, trying to figure out what he meant.
“Remember that time I wanted to cut some shifts for you? About two, three months ago?”, he asked, and though you were still confused you slowly nodded,”And I know you wanted to have those cuts so fucking bad but you said ‘no’ ‘cause you didn’t want to turn into some kinda outsider if people would think you’re getting advantages ‘cause you’re on “good” terms with the boss.”
Slowly, you started to connect the dots. You could still see yourself right at this exact spot here, curled up in his arms, exhausted and with muscles hurting from the work at the fences. He’d offered to take some shifts off your schedule, make sure you weren’t as drained of energy as you had been in these moments.
And he was right, you had wanted these cuts badly, but not badly enough to forget the glances you’d gotten once or twice before when Negan had rearranged some schedules a bit to give you some time off. Of course, they couldn’t have known for sure that this had been what had happened, but most people don’t really care if what they hear is one hundred percent true or not. Maybe you’d been a bit paranoid, but those odd glances they’d thrown at you, the way the bit of recognition you’d earned with hard work seemed to vanish with them had been enough for you to not take Negan’s offer.
And now that you thought about it, you could see where his thoughts were coming from.
“That’s why I didn’t push down on making it all official. ‘Cause fuck, people will definitely treat you different when we’re all out…thought if you don’t want the cuts you most definitely wouldn’t want us all out as well”, he said and slowly the suspense in you calmed down, replaced by some annoyance about yourself that you’d let your fears get the best of you instead of thinking further. Of course he would think that, it made sense now that you heard it, but in your head, the cuts that would only get you some more rest couldn’t compare to having him officially for yourself, something that would be worth dealing with whatever reaction would follow. You hadn’t even thought of a connection between these two things.
”I don’t need them, you say the word and I leave ‘em. But it will all change, that shit’s gonna spread like wildfire, more like those rumors already do, I just want you to know that.”
Negan’s voice was calm, genuine and his hand grasped yours a little tighter, turning it so your hand vanished fully in his while you slowly began to nod. Yeah, everything would change when you both were official. Work most definitely, the glances you’d first been intimidated by would be nothing compared to the talking behind your back and whatever else that would unleash as soon as the word would, be out but every good thing claims its sacrifices nowadays. But if you would get Negan completely, with neck and crop, without all the secret-mongering, the risk would be worth it.
“Then I’m gonna have to live with that”,you mumbled, squeezing his hand back while a small smile began to grow on your lips, pushing the last fear out of your body,”I…I want us…all the way.”
“Now if that isn’t one of the hottest things I’ve ever heard”, he chuckled, the tension falling from his face as well while a wide grin began to grow on his face ,”Then first thing I’ll do in the morning is make sure every fucker in this damn factory knows we’re the real deal.”
You nodded, feeling the warmth flowing inside you, mixing with some excitement, maybe even nervousness, but of the good kind this time before Negan moved his other hand up and caressed it over your cheek, letting it come to rest on your jaw, enough to let his fingers grasp it to make sure you kept looking straight at him.
“And don’t you ever fucking think you’re not enough for me”,he said, the tone nearly warning even though his rough voice was soothing and almost soft,”I promise, you’re enough.”
You slowly nodded again, feeling how the small smile on your lips grew a bit wider while more of the burden that had lasted on your shoulders seemed to fall off and lifted the pressure off you entirely.
“Fuck, you’re more than I could ever ask for”, Negan added, sending another warm shiver through you before he let his hand fall from your jaw and opened your arms ,”And now c’mere.”
You didn’t need a second invitation to move closer to him until you could climb between his legs and settle in his lap, feel his arms wrapping around you as you nuzzled your head into the curve of his warm neck, letting him engulf you in his scent and his warmth.
“We really talked past each other, huh?”, Negan mumbled as he leaned his head against yours, sighing thickly as he grasped you a little tighter,”Shit…never wanted you to feel like you’re not enough…feel like a fuckin’ asshole for not noticing.”
“No don’t”, you quickly shook your head, moving enough out of his neck’s crook to glance at him,”I could…no, I should have just asked you earlier…before letting some fears fuck with my head.”
“Well, I could’ve asked too…Next time you please talk to me before you’re crying in the middle of the fucking night, okay”,he said, the expression on his face serious before the corners of his lips began to twitch slightly,”That’s an order.”
“Okay, I’ll follow that one”, you chuckled, watching as his lips widened out into the grin you knew so well, the one that could still get your knees to turn into jello.
“Good”, he nodded, shifting slightly to get a better look at you,”And I’ll ask you too before thinking up some bullshit.”
You nodded back, watching as Negan’s grin mixed up with a smile before he slowly leaned in and let his lips meet yours, caressing over them while his beard softly tickled you, and a low growl rumbled up his chest and vibrated against your skin, stirring up the tingling in your stomach.
“Well shit, now I can’t wait for tomorrow”, he mumbled against your lips as soon as you parted a little, pecking yours once more in the very next moment while a small chuckle left your lips. 
“Me neither”, you mumbled, watching as Negan’s eyes lit up like the ones of an excited kid on Christmas eve, impatient to wait for the morning to unwrap their presents. Surprisingly, Negan didn’t add anything onto that and just pulled you back against him, enough for you to cuddle yourself back against his chest and to let your head rest on his shoulder while his arms wrapped you up in his embrace.
And slowly, it got silent in the room, enough to hear the wind outside that brushed against the factory windows, whose frames got adorned with snow, leaving just enough space to get a good look outside and into the darkness that was still filled with small, white dots.
“We’re gonna have a whole ass winter wonderland outside tomorrow”, Negan mumbled into your hair, nuzzling his nose against you as you softly nodded, cuddling deeper into him while you watched the snow flakes swaying down the night sky, just like you had done it before.
But differently to these moments that had been marked by sadness and fear, you now looked at them with a smile on your face, knowing too well that the wish of waking up one day and having everything figured out wouldn’t be a wish anymore.
Tomorrow, when you’d wake up in Negan’s arms, the snowflakes would have covered the world in a white coat of snow and everything would be fine, everything would be just like you dared to dream.

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“You are enough”

When we woke up
The world was figured out
Beyond the beauty we’ve dreamt about
This brilliant light is brighter than we’ve known
Without our darkness to prove it so
Still, we can’t help but to examine it
To add our question marks to periods
At the foot of our bed, we found an envelope…

“You are enough”
These little words, somehow they’re changing us
“You are enough”
So we let our shadows fall away like dust

When we grew up
Our shadows grew up too
But they’re just old ghosts
That we grow attached to
The tragic flaw is that they hide the truth

That you’re enough
I promise you’re enough
I promise you’re enough, i promise you

“You are enough”
These little words, somehow they’re changing us
“You are enough”
So we let our shadows fall away like dust
“You are enough”
These little words, somehow they’re changing us
Let it go, let it go, “you are enough”
So we let our shadows fall away like dust