Summary: While Negan has to bear up in his cell, someone else comes to the reader’s aid as she faces a hard day full of frustration and stirs with that the fire within him that he might lose what matters the most to him
Warning: just some light smut in the end, jealous Negan (and that’s no warning but there’s a little bit from Negan’s pov for the first time)
“Negan, no", you squirmed with a laugh, feeling how he brushed his fingertips over your side once again as your body’s shifts let the cell’s bed squeak slightly under both of your weights ,” That’s not fair.”
“Fair’s fucking boring”, Negan grumbled with a throaty chuckle against your skin as he buried his face into the curve of your neck and wrapped his strong arms closer around your body to keep your back pressed against his warm chest.
Caressing his lips over the sensitive skin on the side of your neck, he let you hum in approval right before another choked out laugh erupted your body and made you wriggle your body within his embrace once again.
“Oh come on”, you complained with a chuckle out, just to feel Negan’s lips pressing in against your skin once again.
“Mhmm you poor thing”, he grumbled lowly, before another chuckle let his firm chest rumble against your back as he started a new try to torture you with his touch and made your legs twitch against his.
“Negan, I swear you’ll make me kick you in your damn balls”, you laughed, squirming as Negan stroke one more time over your side and pressed another kiss to your neck while his salt and pepper stubble tickled your skin.
“As long as you take some good care of them later…”, Negan teasingly chuckled, shrugging his shoulders slightly against your body before you nudged his side with your elbow and slowly turned around in his arms to face him.
“Just wait, I’ll find your ticklish spots too…earlier or later”, you grumbled into the steel blue prisoner suit that was hugging his broad shoulders, while Negan’s body vibrated with a chuckle against your body.
“Go ahead, you got-”, with that he loosened his grasp a little on you to turn around and get a glimpse of the small digital clock that had found itself for the sake of your shifts to the cement ground of the cell by now, “-three minutes to undress your man and run your pretty hands all over him till you gotta head out.”
Negan snickered, looking back at you as he gave you a wolfish wink before you playfully shoved his chest and leaned up to peck your lips.
“Bet that man can’t hold himself back and makes me come in late”, you grumbled against his lips that were curled up into a wide grin while his large hand gave your waist a small, teasing squeeze.
“Just the truth”, you chuckled, cuddling a little closer to his tall frame.
“Mhmm yeah”, Negan grumbled before his grin grew a little wider, “But tonight?”
His roguish glance was capturing yours as his tongue ran over his bottom lip until it got caught between his pearly whites, “Yes, tonight.”
A chilly breeze was filling Alexandria’s streets, sending cool shivers down your spine that couldn’t even be fought by the midday sun that was by now rising above the Safe zone as you made your way to your shift at the infirmary.
Your stint at the crops had been more stressful than usual, Molly and Seth had been pulled from their work to join the group that began to work on a windmill, just one of the projects Rick was planning to start with the help of the book those stranger’s had given to Maggie.
The streets looked a little more filled than usual, everybody seemed to be excited about the new step that appeared more like the new beginning Rick had promised than just the rebuilding of the damaged houses that seemed to rather have a bittersweet undertone swinging within.
When you arrived at the infirmary, Rosita was already gone, like most of the times, trying to avoid you by any costs and as you found a note reading that she had already left a good bit earlier than usual to help at the windmill, you were actually surprised that she had bothered to let you know.
Except for scant ‘Hello’s’, you probably hadn’t even talked more than five proper sentences with her since you were back, and all of them had only been about patients and meds that needed to be refilled.
With a small huff you shoved your jacket off your body and quickly hung it up before taking a look at list with the long-treatment patients Siddiq had left behind when he had switched for Maggie’s pregnancy to the hilltop.
Your eyes ran quickly over it, trying to unravel his messy handwriting to find out who would come in today to get a new load of meds for the next bit of time.
It was just one but as your glance wandered further a small shiver shook through your body as you found Gabriel’s name on the list that was sorted in for some time within the next week and you already grew a little restless by the thought of meeting him again.
You had only seen him from afar, walking towards his destroyed church when you had been outside at the crops, and it hadn’t been more than a couple of times but the ones you had had always brought up the hours you had spent at the Sanctuary’s infirmary along with Carson, trying to help him while he was finding step by step more out about the relationship you had with Negan.
Gulping you laid the list back down and looked outside, watching a group of six men and women carrying large planks of wood that had to be for the new project at the other side of Alexandria.
The sudden creaking of the opening front door made you flinch, urging your glance from the people outside to your left and right into dark eyes that looked bewildered at you before they narrowed dangerously within the split of a second.
”Where’s Rosita?”, Tara’s voice tensely asked, your glance wandering from her glaring eyes to her hand that was clutching her lower arm, blood leaking through the gaps her fingers couldn’t close.
”Already at the windmill”, you scantly said, catching how her eyes narrowed some more as she let out a strained huff and clutched her arm tighter.
”But I can take care of that too”, you said, just as scantly as before while you could feel yourself growing more tense with every passing second she was standing there in the door frame, glaring at you.
“Yeah, sure” she just scoffed with a bittersweet chuckle, a provoking tone swinging widely in her voice as she shook her head slightly while you could feel how anger began to pool within yourself.
She was doing it again, treating you as if you were worth shit, just like she had done it that day at the Sanctuary.
You had put up with it back then but the anger and frustration had stayed lingering deep inside you and now, you were done with it.
”Listen, whatever the hell you got there seems pretty bad. So either you let me do my damn job now or you patch yourself up. But don’t complain if it gets infected”, it blustered out of you, your harsh tone not only surprising yourself a little bit but rather giving you more satisfaction.
For sure, this wasn’t the perfect way to react to this, not in your position in the infirmary, but you’ve been acting levelheaded towards her for long enough. Right now, you didn’t care if this was right or wrong.
Tara’s glare intensified and only got interrupted by some suppressed winces as she tightened her grasp on her arm to keep more blood from flowing out of her open wound.
”I can do it myself”, she eventually growled, stepping away from the doorframe and into the infirmary.
Just as you saw her heading confidently towards the drawers, clearly intending to get her the things she needed herself you stepped forward and let your hands slip in between the drawers, pulling out bandages and disinfection liquids.
If she wanted to do it herself, so be it, but this was still your workplace, and you weren’t gonna let her rummage wildly in the drawers or play the boss, like she had done it at the Sanctuary, at a place where you were feeling oppositely to most spots in Alexandria at least relatively confident and in charge.
Maybe this was a bit childish, maybe not, but just as little as you cared about if this was right you cared about that right now.
”Here”, you just growled, shoving the utensils over the wooden counters and towards her until she could reach them.
Within moments you heard the echoing sounds of water pelting into the sink as you caught from the corner of your eyes how she began to cautiously clean the long cut on her arm up.
You let out a strained breath and moved towards another shelf on the other side of the room, trying to keep yourself occupied to be distracted from the growing frustration that was coiling within your body.
You were used to that people treated you with caution here, asked for Rosita first and often watched every step you made, every move you did on them, and even though it always gave you a little sting to see their wary glance, no one had denied to be taken care of by you until now.
Actually, you seemed to gain a little more trust of them with each day, with every time someone got satisfied out of the infirmary and maybe told others that you weren’t as horrible as most of them thought after your relationship with Negan made a circuit.
It were baby steps, teeny tiny baby steps but they counted.
And as much as they counted as much bothered it you that Tara now threatened to destroy a bit of the confidence you had built up.
The thuds of the utensils and Tara’s more or less successful tries to patch herself up sounded through the infirmary as you rummaged in the shelfs, folding up some sheets for the patients beds that must have been brought here in the morning.
Each of her thudding sounds annoyed you, reminding you of the situation you were stuck in until another one accompanied them as she suddenly shrieked painfully out and let your glance from the white sheets shoot to her bleeding arm.
You couldn’t see what exactly she had done to hurt herself more than she already was, but judging by the way she was holding her arm with a face grimacing in agony, strained breathes leaving her lips and the utensils sprawled out around her on the counter, her tries to treat herself had been worse than you had thought.
You gulped, seeing the deep red blood flowing in lines down her arm before her glance caught yours and shot you a venomous glare.
”What the hell are you looking at?”, she growled squirming slightly and with her voice filled with utter frustration as you just let out a huff and turned back to the sheets.
”Oh right, you think you can do this better and hey, you probably do but you know what, (Y/N)? I’d rather fucking stab myself than let you do anything for me”, she snapped just as you were about to face your work again but instead glanced up and caught her glare darting right at you.
Your lips parted and an urge in you wanted to say something in response to the frustration and anger that was whirling up in you but instead you just shook your head in disbelief, being held back by the last little stings of self-control that were pulling strained on you.
Just as you were facing the sheets again and tried to gulp down your grudge another knock let you flinch slightly, now instead of leading your glance to Tara, to the door where a blonde woman stood and glanced confused between the both of you.
”Do we have to treat ourselves?”, she asked, a bit nervousness swinging in her voice as you let a heavy breath fall from your lips, feeling how the frustration was acting up again as you slowly shook your head.
”No, as long as you’re okay with being me doing it, I’ll take care of you”, you said with a small smile towards the woman while your voice was calm but with enough sharpness swinging in your tone to let Tara shoot you another venomous glare.
”Alright, yeah”, the woman nodded, a bit relief falling into her tone as she stepped into the infirmary and finally got you the job back you were actually supposed to do.
But you were riled up, and much to your annoyance, that was showing as soon as you began to take care of the woman’s complains.
Your hands were hasty, boorish even, your whole body was tensed, your head was somewhere else than where it was supposed to be and it didn’t even ebb down after Tara finally left the infirmary, accompanied by a poorly looking bandage around her arm that made you wonder for a short moment how the hell it was staying on.
And it went on just like this, you needed several attempts to get bandaids and bandages right, gave the long term patient at first the wrong bundle of meds, found yourself letting salves and tablets fall repeatedly to the ground when you were trying to sort them back into the drawer and finally, almost hurt a patient’s wound more with your hands that just didn’t want to stay under your control.
Cursing you found yourself pacing through the infirmary after you had just seen off your latest patient, feeling how you were about to turn into a grumpy mess, mad and upset about yourself and the incident that had caused all this, as you were picking up the trash the treatment had created.
A heavy breath was falling from your lips as you gulped harshly before your eyes glanced from the pieces of bandage in your hands to the slim diamond bracelet that was softly dangling from your wrist, marked a little from the work and anything you had gone through since Negan had given it to you.
For a moment your eyes stayed fixed on it, knowing that you’d give a whole lot to just sink into his arms right now, shut your eyes and let him hold you for a while until the whirlwind of emotions in you would calm down again.
Taking a deep breath you glanced up again and rushed around the corner of the counters before a stinging pain suddenly shot through from your toe up your leg and filled your body out within seconds.
“Fuck!”, you called growling out, watching how your foot rushed in pain away from the corner it had just bumped into while the sting seemed to become worse with every single passing second.
“Fucking crap”, you scoffed squirming out, grimacing in pain as you leaned yourself against the counter, trying to stay there until the sting had ebbed away.
“Shit, you’re okay?”, a familiar voice made your eyes shoot up and let them glance into glaucous eyes that were darting with concern right back at you from the other side of the room.
“Yeah”, you said, nodding and pushing yourself away from the counter to stand right back up while your glance brushed over Caleb standing in the doorframe, holding a small paperbag in his hands.
“Just bumped my toe”, you added with a small and a little embarrassed chuckle before you nodded to the blonde man who was just walking into the infirmary and closed the door behind himself.
“You’re hurt?”, you asked, glancing up and down on him to find any possible injuries before he began to shake his head as he glanced back up at you.
“No, I’m fine. Gotta take another break from the crops ‘cause the Hilltop’s bringing new supplies…and they brought this too”, he said, lifting the paperbag in his hand a little up as he stepped closer,”We all didn’t really have a lunch break today so I figured you could use some. We already had one at the crops, so this is all yours.”
With that he laid the bag right in front of you on the counter, giving you a friendly smile as he nodded for you to open it.
You glanced down, letting your fingers gape the opening wider until you could glance inside and glimpse at the self baked sweet bun from the Hilltop you could remember them giving to Alexandria already at the very first supply handover.
”Thank you”, you said, giving him a smile as you felt a little ease washing through your body before it brought out the hunger you had suppressed thanks to the stress.
And with that the suspense was right back in your body.
“Everything alright? I mean, except for that toe”, Caleb asked with a sympathetic chuckle, leading your eyes back up to him as he turned a little more serious ,”You’re kinda tense.”
An exhaling breath fell from your lips, weighing out the possibilities whether he would believe a poor excuse of yours or not.
“Yes, I just-”, you began, gulping slightly as your eyes roamed over the infirmary before they met his again, realizing that there was no going back.
“It’s that obvious?”, you asked with small and a little helpless chuckle as you propped yourself against the counter and eyed him.
“Mhmm”, he said, nodding as he gave you another small smile as if he was trying to motivate you to go on.
You let out a sigh, glancing for a moment outside to a few people who were carrying new supplies towards the houses and gave yourself a little push.
“Just a bit frustrated…Tara and I-”, you said, stopping to look up to him ,”Kinda came to blows.”
“Since then everything goes pretty much downhill here”, you added, another sigh falling from your lips while you tried to keep the little smile on your face where it was, to seem a little less of the mess you actually were.
“Looks fine here as much as I can tell”, Caleb said with an uplifting smile, propping himself slightly against the edge of the wooden counter and ran a hand over the slight stubble that was covering his jaw.
“Well, now”, you mumbled with a small and a little nervous chuckle as you made a quick hand gesture around the room that was except for the both of you empty of any patients, “I fucked up some things I really shouldn’t have fucked up.”
Your eyes wandered from Caleb through the room, a bit restless and uneasy before you suddenly heard his voice leading you right back to his eyes as he was gesturing toward the paperbag on the counter.
”How about you eat something and then everything might look a little better”, Caleb said with another friendly smile dancing over his lips as he nudged the paperbag a little closer towards you “At least that always helps me.”
After realizing rather quickly that he was actually being right, you found yourself sitting at the table right next to one of the large windows in the infirmary, eating the sweet bun that was slowly stilling your hunger.
Caleb had let him fall right on the chair towards you and after trying to light your mood a little more and cheer you up, he was now fumbling on his walkie and was talking to his sister, trying to find out when the Hilltop would finish bringing new seedlings to the crops and they could start to work again.
“I’ll just tell you when I get new information”, the voice of the younger girl sounded with a sigh through the walkie, her words slightly crackling through the statics.
“Alright”, Caleb grumbled as you swallowed another piece of the soft dough and watched him tugging the walkie back to the waistband of his jeans before his glance wandered back to you.
His lips that had before been pressed into a thin line loosened up again, giving you another kind smile as he shuffled in his seat to sit a little straighter up until he could prop his arms on the wooden table.
“Better now?”, he asked, perking his eyebrows a little up while you fumbled on the paperbag beneath the last bit of the bun you had left.
“Yeah, a bit”, you said with a small smile at the guy who had without a doubt been the most open and friendly person towards you since you were back and right now, you were glad to have someone who you might even be able to call a friend with you in the infirmary.
“Knew it!”, Caleb chuckled triumphantly as a small grin mixed into the smile that still let the corners of his lips curl up.
“Thank you”, you mumbled gratefully as you slowly leaned back into the chair and took the last bite of the bun that had soothed the tension in you a little as well.
“Anytime”, you just heard Caleb say as your glance was wandering from his outside, to the people who were still carrying supplies and even some of the self made weapons from the Hilltop towards the armory.
You followed their way a little, curious what kind of things they were bringing else until your blood suddenly froze as your eyes caught the glimpse of a certain leather vest and its two wings that boasted proudly on its back.
You could feel your lips beginning to gape open as your eyes were staring outside, seeing your half brother moving further with the group.
He was a good bit away from the infirmary, but close enough for you to notice the way he was tensing, to notice how his eyes were roaming narrowly over the streets in hope to just not catch your figure.
“Yeah, he’s here too…I’m sorry, wasn’t sure if…how I should tell you”, Caleb’s voice ripped you finally away from Daryl and the memory of your last disastrous encounter.
You glanced back at him, seeing him looking from the large window right at you with an apologetic and even a little insecure glance in his eyes as he let out a small sigh.
“No, it’s fine. I just-”, you mumbled, still a little in shock as a thick gulp wandered down your throat while you were trying your best to keep it together and rally yourself.
Clenching your jaw uneasily you couldn’t keep yourself from glancing outside again, just to see how the vest and his straggly brown hair eventually vanished behind the front of a house.
“Do you know when they are planning on leaving again?”, it just flew out of you before you were even realizing what you were saying, driven by the fear to cross his path again as soon as your shift would end and you had to leave the infirmary.
Slowly, Caleb shook his head, his eyes still filled with the apologetic look before he let out another small sigh.
“No…but I guess at the latest some time around the late evening. They got a good bunch of people with them so it shouldn’t take too long anymore”, he said, his tone a little soothing as you slowly nodded and leaned more into the backrest, trying to keep your eyes from wandering back outside while the suspense that had seemed to be slightly gone was back with its full force, if not even worse than before.
“It will be-”, Caleb began again with soothing tone but got quickly cut off by the beeping of his walkie that mixed with an annoyed huff of his until the voice of his younger sister sounded through the room.
“Caleb? They’re done, but you don’t need to come back to the crops. Rick just said he’s gonna mix up some groups anyway from tomorrow on now that he needs people for the windmill…doesn’t make much sense to begin something now we probably can’t finish, the shift’s almost over anyway”, Eden’s voice crackled through the walkie while her last view words made you look at the clock on the wall, letting your eyes run over the moving fingers until you realized that it was about time for you to end your shift and leave the infirmary now as well, but there was something holding you back from just heading out.
And this certain something was that you really didn’t want to run into Daryl, not by any means.
By now, several weeks had passed since the disastrous argument, but every time you just thought of it you could see the deadly glare in his eyes, taste the venom and hatred in his voice and feel the painful shocks his destroying words had sent through your body.
You didn’t need a repetition of that.
And you didn’t want to provoke Daryl into another fight by showing up outside, or have him cause some other trouble, maybe even with Rick himself in case he’d find out that he had was on a better path with you again.
You were that deeply sunken into your thoughts about Daryl that you didn’t even notice at first that Caleb had lifted himself from his chair and stepped closer towards you until the very moment you heard his voice.
“Don’t you wanna leave too?”, he asked, his voice calm as you glanced up in him, trying to hide in what kind of mess your thoughts were beginning to turn you into before the way Caleb began to look at you told you how much you had just failed your try.
He let out a small sigh and reached up to run a palm over his lightish beard stubble before he glanced back down into your eyes.
“Daryl, huh?”, he asked, immediately letting a cool shudder run down your back as you only heard his name and knew that you couldn’t deny your problem anymore in front of him.
“Yeah”, you mumbled reluctantly, hating to feel that vulnerable while your eyes left his for a moment and wandered uneasy through the room.
“My home’s close to the brownstones, so if you want, I’ll accompany you till there. Don’t think he’ll approach you when you’re with someone”, Caleb said, leading your glance back to his friendly eyes and the small smile on his lips while a thick gulp travelled down your throat.
“You don’t have to…I really don’t wanna pull you into this or make you put yourself out for me. I can just wait some longer”, you mumbled with a small but to your annoyance nervous chuckle back before Caleb slowly shook his head.
“Come on, (Y/N). You can’t tell me you really want that. And, like I said, I live nearby the browns you don’t bother me in any way”, he said, his voice still calm even though a little more firm than before ,”I’d also do it if I was living on the other side of Alexandria, that goes without saying.”
The smile was still lingering on his lips as you slowly began to nod, realizing that he was right. He wanted to help so why not let him? And next to that, the day had already worn your nerves off enough, having to wait even longer would only make it worse.
“Alright, then let’s go”, Caleb said, before he glanced once more down at you, while you were trying to rally yourself and somehow get your mind prepared for whatever could encounter you outside this house.
“It will work out. You got this”, he said, looking at you and the small but thankful smile you were forcing past the suspense that was lingering in your body before his hand reached up to give your shoulder a soft pat.
His touch left you again as his voice hushed but for a short moment, his touch that was still lingering slightly on you reminded you of the way a bit jealousy had sneaked up into Negan’s glance the first time you had told him about the people at the crops…or rather Caleb.
Even though he had denied it and you knew that he really was glad that you had found at least someone in this mess who was kind from the first moment on towards you, especially now that he was locked up you could tell that this hint of jealousy was still there.
No matter if there was no reason for it.
You didn’t want someone else, not in any way and this little soft pat Caleb had given you was just another proof.
You didn’t feel anything, it was a friendly gesture, but that was it.
Besides, you didn’t think that Caleb was interested in you. He was a gracious guy, but he hadn’t made a clear move on you, nor had you ever seen him being something else than kind towards someone.
This all, just like his offer now was just him being him, without any further thoughts.
A small huff left your lips as you shoved those thoughts away from you and finally lifted yourself off the chair.
It didn’t matter, the only thing that mattered quite a bit now was that you still craved to just fall into Negan’s arms and have him cradle you against his warm chest and that it wouldn’t take too long anymore until this wish could be fulfilled.
As soon as you finally stepped along with Caleb outside, the chilly breeze from this midday had turned even colder, allowing itself to warn you that the days would get even colder from now on than they already were.
With a sharp breath falling from your lips you pulled your jacket closer around your body, trying to not let the cold conquer your body as you stepped down the porch and felt the wind beginning to bite into your skin.
The suspense was flaring up from the moment on you made your way down the street, felt your eyes wandering over them, seeing less people than before wandering over them and beginning to head towards the gates, letting you hope that Daryl was already there.
Just as Caleb began to distract you a bit with talking about the things he already knew about the to-be windmill, the tension was slowly beginning to beat retreat and you could feel yourself slowly loosing up, your eyes caught something from afar that foiled both of those good signs within milliseconds.
There he stood, like glued to the blacktop beneath his worn off boots, with eyes hidden behind a few brunette hair strands that could burn into you even through the distance that was laying between the both of you.
For the split of a second your heart and breath seemed to stop, boiling heat and icy coldness mixed into a painful mess within your pulsing veins as you just stared at him while your feet came abruptly to a harsh halt, just like Caleb’s just a moment later.
For seconds it just stayed this way, your mind was racing, questioning what he would do now, what you should do now.
It was almost unrecognizable from afar but you could still capture the way his hands balled into fists that were just as tensed as the rest of his body, but still, he stayed this way.
He didn’t move a step closer towards you, not a single one.
Your head was running wilder with each passing second, creating a mess in your mind while a part of you just wanted to let your glance leave the one of your half brother and get your feet to work but your body didn’t seem as if it was under your control in these moments.
All until your eyes caught how Daryl’s eyes left yours, his hands still balled into fists as if they were the only thing holding him back from exploding before he turned around and paced down the road towards the gates, leaving you alone.
You had no idea how long you had stood there with him, it probably hadn’t even been long enough to fill a full minute but it had been enough to fuck you up all over again.
Only seeing him before had brought all kinds of emotions up in you again, but it had been nothing to whatever had happened just now and which was still leaving you standing pinpointed to the street.
“(Y/N)? Lets go on”, you heard Caleb calmly and reassuring say as he placed his hand on your back, trying to pull your glance away from the point Daryl had stood just moments ago and get you out of the trance this situation had catapulted you in.
“Yeah”, you mumbled still a little absently as you glanced back at Caleb and saw him looking with some concern swinging in his glaucous eyes at you.
“You okay?”, he asked as his hand slowly left your back while you gave him a slow nod, still trying to pretend as if you could lead him on.
Because actually, nothing was okay.
No fucking goddamn thing was okay right now.
The next few minutes rushed past you as you were still stuck in a trance like state while you just kept walking beside Caleb until a small exhaling breath was leaving your lips as you caught yourself walking closer to the brownstones.
Every step felt like it was getting a little faster until you finally walked closer up to Roger, leaning against the wall outside one of the brownstone’s, fumbling on the gun holster on his belt while you could already see the keys to Negan’s cell printing through the guard’s pant’s pocket.
“I’m fine from here on…Thank you”, you finally said as stopped and turned your head to face Caleb, meeting his kind eyes before he gave you a small nod.
“Anytime”, he said with a small smile, “See you tomorrow at the crops if nothing changes?”
“Yeah, see you there”, you said back, forcing a small smile on your lips before Caleb gave you another nod, waiting a second more to let his eyes run over your face, as if he was checking up on your wellbeing, before he turned around and made his way down the road.
You tried your best to keep a facade up in front of Negan’s usual guard, but by now, as you made your way down the stairs into the basement, it felt like even Roger was beginning to sense the suspense that was radiating off your body.
Your footsteps echoed over the cement ground, your heart beating a little faster with each of them until you finally stood in front of the metal bars and could glimpse past Roger into the cell’s inside and right at Negan.
He was sitting on the bed, like always, until the door would lock behind you and he was finally allowed to stand up again.
A shivering breath was falling from your lips as your glance wandered over his face, over his eyes that were filled with anticipation which remembered you of your shared morning together that had been so much better than the rest of the day.
The sound of the unlocking door sounded even more pleasing than ever in your ears as it finally let the door spring open and allowed you to slip into the cell, while you could already see Negan’s glance wandering over you, the excitement leaving his eyes while his brows were beginning to softly pucker in response to the tension that was painted all over your face.
Just seconds later the metal door crashed back into the lock with a sharp thud, accompanying with the clicking sound as the key left the small hole again and finally allowed Negan to get up.
“Hey”, you mumbled, trying to not lose it right at this point even though you could feel the bottled up emotions building more and more pressure up, threatening to free themselves before you wanted them too.
“Hey Baby…what’s wrong?”, Negan asked as he stepped closer, his eyes filled with concern as he reached out until his large hands could grasp your waist and pull you closer, letting the pleasant warmth run through you you had wished to feel all day long.
Another shivering breath left your lips as you tried to find words, tried to put all the things that happened before into sentences until you just found yourself sinking against his chest, yearning to feel more of his warmth and comfort.
Your arms wrapped around his torso as he pulled you closer, letting you nuzzle your face into the curve of his neck, inhaling his consoling scent while his warm breath brushed over your skin as he leaned in closer against you.
“Sweetheart, what the hell happened?”, he asked, worry swinging in his voice as a harsh gulp travelled down your throat.
“People from the hilltop are here, bringing supplies…Daryl too”, you mumbled against his warm skin, feeling him tensing by the sound of your words that ultimately forced you to back a little off and look into his concerned eyes.
“Fuck…did he start some shit again?”, he asked, his hazel eyes darting over your face as if he could read the answer off of it while you could feel words beginning to press out of your lips, leaving the muddled mess your mind had become.
“No…just saw him from afar, he didn’t come close but I bet if Caleb wouldn’t have been with me-”, with that you stopped, realizing too late that bringing Caleb into this was for sure not the best idea before you caught how the muscles in Negan’s cheeks twitched slightly, his lips formed into a slimmer line while something else mixed into his eyes, giving the concern company.
He was trying to hold it back, you could tell, trying to persuade himself that he should just be glad that there had been someone with you at that time.
But just as much as your muddled head didn’t allow you to fully think clearly, as much could you see that there was something boiling deep within him, no matter if he liked it or not.
“He was just kind to accompany me till here”, you began, your tone soft as you were trying to find a way to put the puzzle parts together and tell him about your whole day without confusing yourself or him ,”He was at the infirmary to give me some food they brought from the hilltop ‘cause we all didn’t have much for lunch and i just had some fight with tara and my day’d went fucking downhill from there on and he just stayed to cheer me up, I-”
You stopped again.
You weren’t making anything better, fuck, you were just getting yourself further into this.
“Sure”, Negan said, his voice tough but still letting it shimmer through that he was having a battle with himself while you could feel more restlessness in you growing.
You didn’t want this now, you had waited countless hours to just come here and finally be able to let your guards down and relax, but instead this day seemed to be damned to just get worse.
“Like I said, he was just being nice”, you said, your tone still soft but mixed with a reassuring firmness while much to your bother, Negan let a small, humorless chuckle out and nodded slowly.
“Yeah, that’s what he always is”, he said, his voice a weird mix of sarcasm and the tiny part in him that was still trying to keep it together, “I know those kinda fucking guys.”
The last part was in a lower tone, as if he was grumbling it to himself as his glance left yours while you could feel the frustration flaring up in you again, taking the last defense of your strained nerves down to conquer your body anew and take control of it.
“Negan, I had a fucking shit day”, it blustered out of you, his eyes darting at yours the moment he heard the distress in your voice while a thick lump began to grow in your throat, filled with all the emotions the day had thrown at you ,”All I fucking wanted this whole damn time was get here and see you, I don’t wanna start a fight about some shit like that.”
A deep, shivering breath fell from your lips as you stared at him, seeing how his eyes began to soften by the sound of your last sentence before guilt began to sneak into them as soon as your voice had hushed and you noticed that your eyes had turned clouded by the few tears the lump in your throat had forced up.
“Alright, I-…shit, I’m sorry”, he said, his voice beginning to soften as much as his eyes had before while he slowly began to tighten his arms gently around you, trying to find out if you let him.
“I just-”, he began, struggling to find the right words as his eyes wandered over your face, saying more than thousands words could.
A sigh left your lips as you looked at him, gulping slightly as you saw more worry mixing into his eyes.
“You still wanna come here? Tell big ol’ Negan ‘bout this crap day?”
His eyes were brushing over yours, a deeply apologetic glance stuck in them.
“Wanna make your day better, not fucking worse with my jealous fucking ass”, he grumbled, his thumb slowly caressing over your back as you looked into his genuine eyes before you slowly began to nod.
“If that jealous ass eases up, then yeah, I still want that”, you mumbled, a tiny smile sneaking into the corners of your lips before a small and relieved chuckle fell from his lips.
“Oh he’ll do that for fucking sure, I fucking promise that”, Negan mumbled, pulling you closer into his embrace as soon as you let him just for you to finally feel like you can let go as soon as you could cuddle yourself closer against his warmth and close your eyes.
As the sun had almost fully beat the retreat and the kerosene lamp next to the bed was already throwing its faint light against the stone walls, you were laying next to Negan, cuddled up against his side after you had finished telling him everything about the several past hours, about everything that had wrecked your nerves and turned you into the mess you had been when you had arrived at the cell.
Negan had kept cradling you against his chest, soothing you and asking you about everything until you could tell that he was sure that everything was off your chest.
All while he had kept his little promise, even though you hadn’t gone into detail with your conversation with Caleb, you didn’t need to unnecessary throw wood into a fire, especially since this conversation wasn’t all too important and besides that, you were sure that you wouldn’t be without jealously if the roles were reversed.
Besides, Negan was in here for just about two weeks and to no ones surprise, this was dreading harshly on his nerves too.
You could often see him swinging between still acting as if he was the leader who was still in charge of everything around him and the dark moments that made him realize that he was a locked up prisoner instead.
“Feelin’ a bit better?”, Negan’s deep voice drawled as he pressed a kiss to your temple, cradling you a little tighter as you slowly began to nod.
“Yeah”, you mumbled, nuzzling your face deeper into his warm skin before you pressed a soft kiss against his neck that quickly let a deep hum rumble through Negan’s chest.
“Wanna feel even better?”, he asked, a soft chuckle leaving his lips before you slowly lifted your head from his shoulder to look into his slightly grinning face ad gave him a questioning look.
“Before you came here Roger boy said I got water for two hours, got about an hour left now…you wanna come with me?”, he asked, biting his lower lip slightly as he raised his brows, “I mean that water’s probably still dick shrinking cold but I promise I’ll make it fun. Gonna be a damn fine distraction.”
It didn’t need more than another one of his roguish grins to persuade you from his idea which quickly let you find yourself stripped down to nothing by Negan himself in the small wanna-be bathroom that was only enlightened by the bit of light that could slip from the cell through the narrow opening in the stone wall to you.
Negan’s grin had grown even bigger, his body was close enough to yours to let you feel the warmth that was radiating from it as he grabbed the handle of the shower, reluctant at first.
“Afraid he’ll shrink too much?”, you teased with a chuckle as Negan’s wolfish glance shot quickly up and a devilish smirk plastered over his lips.
“Nah, got you with me to let him grow again lickety-fucking-split”, he chuckled, his hand reaching up to give your waist a teasing squeeze before he turned the shower slowly on and raised his brows as soon as the water began to hit his bare skin.
“Seems like we got some damn luck today. Shit’s at least lukewarm”, he chuckled, glancing back up to you before you stepped closer, still feeling his warm, large hand on your body until the water began to pelt down on you as well.
It really was lukewarm, enough so it was still somehow pleasant to feel it running down your skin before the feeling got quickly drowned out by Negan’s arms wrapping around you, pulling you close until you were pressed against him.
A deep rumble let his body vibrate against you as soon as your hands ran up his skin, over the dark curls that peppered his firm chest while you glanced up at him until his hazel eyes could capture yours.
Slowly, he leaned down, his lips meeting yours within seconds as his kiss and his touches seemed to slowly wash a bit of the left tension out of you.
His beard stubble tickled you slightly as he placed another peck on your lips before leaning back and looking at you for a moment, a smile sneaking into the grin that was still painted on his face before his arms left your body, letting him turn to his side to grab the bar of soap that was resting in a small metal basket on the ground.
“This fucker isn’t as damn nice as the shit we had at the Sanctuary…hell, this all isn’t that fucking great but-…hope this is still gonna make ya feel better”, he said the moment he stood right in front of you again, a bit of the sorrow he seemed to try his best to suppress still swinging in his voice before he glanced up at you.
A forced up, even a little desperate smile was pressed into the grin that had become smaller before you let the corners of his your lips curl up as you wrapped your arms around his neck and pressed a soft kiss over his lips.
“It already is”, you mumbled against his skin, leaning a bit back to give him another smile that let his signature grin grow on his lips again.
The water kept on pelting down on you, the pressure varying as drastically as you had expected from the poor pipes in the unfinished house but as soon as you felt Negan’s touch on you again, you couldn’t care less.
He was running the soap slowly over your skin, circling it over your shoulders, down the valley of your breasts, along your sides and your stomach while his other hand was keeping you close to him and let warm shivers run down your body.
With each little moment you felt him close, the built up suspense seemed to leave your body a bit more, allowing you to sink into a comfortable bubble that excluded anything but you both and this small room.
Soon enough Negan ran the soap down your back, before turning you around to let his hands wander over your skin, over the muscles that ached slightly from the work at the crops.
Slowly, he found each of the little spots that bothered you, letting you relax beneath his touch and his soothing hands that kept massaging and pampering you.
His fingers drew circles over the back of your neck, before they wandered over your shoulders and then down your sides, putting pressure on them at the very right places while you began to relax more and more.
You kept staying in this bubble as you found yourself in Negan’s embrace, your back pressed against his chest, with his arms keeping you as close as possible while his face was buried in the crook of your neck, his soft lips kissing the sensitive skin while the drastic contrast of his rough beard stubble was creating a pleasant sensation deep within you.
With your eyes closed and content hums leaving your lips your hands laid on his own, your fingers tracing softly over his while Negan playfully tugged on your skin, chuckling deeply as you flinched slightly in response but then immediately melted against him.
You could feel your longing for him pool in your middle, only strengthened by the way you could feel him slowly growing hard against you while deep hums and growls let his chest vibrate against your back.
Slowly, one of Negan’s large hands left your soft grasp and travelled down your body, his fingertips brushing over your skin until you felt him finding your sweetest spots.
A hum left your lips as soon as you felt him beginning to circle his fingers in slow movements over the sensitive flesh, while more water ran down your body and mixed its sensation with the ones of the kisses Negan’s warm lips were still pressing in over your neck.
One by one, you could feel his fingers finding an intoxicating rhythm, could feel him grinding himself more against you, just to gradually turn your knees weaker with every touch and every passing second.
A soft moan was falling from your lips as his fingers kept on pampering your clit, heating your body more and more up right until the moment a wince was leaving your lips as you felt the sudden loss of his touch.
“Oh Baby, you’ll get more”, Negan chuckled, reassuring you as he turned you around in his arms, leading you closer towards the wall until the cold stone was pressing against your back while his warm body quickly captured yours again within his embrace.
His lips found yours in a yearning kiss, swallowing the small hums and moans that left your lips in response to his touch before you slowly slid your hands down his sides, in between your bodies to give him a little bit of the caress back he had given you until you were quickly stopped.
“Uh-Uh”, Negan grumbled with a chuckle against your lips, his fingers grasping around your wrist as he backed a little away, grinning at you as a wolfish glance was filling his eyes ,”Let Daddy take care of ya.”
Biting his lip he looked at you, loosening his hold on you again while your brows puckered in surprise as soon as he closed the distance between your bodies again.
“What? Just wanna make you feel fucking good after this shit ass day”, he said, leaning in to press another kiss to your lips before his own began to travel down your neck again and left a warm path along your wet skin.
“Just ‘bout you now”, he mumbled against your skin, his large hands grabbing your waist as you could feel a smile growing on your lips and felt the fuzzy warmth within you mixing with the yearning heat.
Slowly, Negan leaned back for a moment, his hazel eyes meeting yours in the faint light as he gave you another smirk and rose his deep voice, ”So lean back and enjoy the damn show.”
And you did so, longing to relax more after this frustrating day and even more so longing to feel him as close as you could.
And It didn’t take long until he was giving you anything you could yearn for.
His lips were caressing over yours again, switching perfectly in-between deep, rough and passionate kisses, and soft ones that let you carefully feel his every bit of him.
His hands were all over you, feeling you up, fondling your breasts and brushing over just the right spots until they had found their place and brought you the pleasure they had already given you before as his fingers were pampering your clit again, first almost torturously slow before putting more pressure and passion into each touch that let the heat in you flare up.
Your soft moans began to echo through the small room as soon as his lips left yours, beginning to travel south, kissing along your shoulder and your collarbones, before wandering down until his lips could suck softly on your nipples and his tongue could draw slow but intoxicating circles around the sensitive buds.
Your hands found their way quickly into his dark and wet hair, gripping it as soon as you could feel him beginning to tease his fingers along your soaked core while his lips kept traveling further down, until they could find your pulsing clit as his knee hit the cement floor.
“Just for you”, he grumbled with a chuckle as soon as you glanced down to his kneeling position that let a small laugh escape your lips which quickly turned into a heavy moan within the moment his fingers pushed deeply inside you and his lips and tongue began to use their magic on your sensitive and yearning flesh.
You were losing yourself in him, more and more with every second, with each grip of his large hand on your hip, with each deep thrust of his fingers into your heat, with each bit he turned you more into a trembling and moaning mess, with each flick of his tongue against your clit, with each bit his rough beard stubble sent pleasant shivers down your spine, with every bit he gave you until he drove you over the edge and let an intoxicating orgasm rumble through your whole body that left you shaking within its aftershocks.
You were slumped against him as you first found yourself diving out of the trance he had set you in, your body was like molten against his, only held up by the strong embrace he had captured you in.
A big smile was plastered all over your lips as your head was leaned against his warm neck, your eyes closed as you took his comforting scent in and felt the last water drops hitting your skin before the pipes would give up for today.
The day had been pushed somewhere far into the depths of the back of your head, formed into something so small that it didn’t even matter right in these moments.
Right now, what really mattered was that you were captured in a pair of strong arms that kept you far away from the sorrow the day had brought, that made it feel like everything was actually fine.
And those moments proved more than enough that it had been more than worth to wait all these countless hours for exactly this, for something no one else could give you, no fucking matter if there were thick stone walls around you, if there was a shower that acted as if it would die any moment or if there was only a cheap bed in the edge of a cell.
It didn’t matter a single bit, the only thing that mattered was the man who was still holding you in his warm and strong embrace right now.
Only the faint light from the high windows was streaming into the cell when Negan found himself laying in the cheap bed again, wide awake in the middle of the night, looking at the very much sleeping bundle in his arms, curled up to his side, with her head resting on his chest and her steady breath hitting his skin.
It calmed him a little down, this warmth beside him and was usually enough to let him sooner or later fall asleep as well, but this night was different.
A deep sigh left his lips, the vibration making her shift slightly in her sleep, letting him freeze the moment he felt her movements, not wanting to wake her up before she quickly took that worry away from him as she nuzzled her head into his skin again.
Slowly, Negan shifted his head, enough so he could press a kiss on her forehead, just to eventually lean his head against hers and wrap his arms a little tighter around her body that quickly let a fuzzy warmth in him grow.
Hell, she really was doing some things to him.
She gave his heart a rock hard boner, or no, that was a understatement, she made that heart boner cum hard in thick fucking spurts from some giant balls that wouldn’t ever drain.
Yeah, that was probably the best description about his feelings in his words even though, and he had a bit of a hard time to admit that, he could find overly sappy and cringe-worthy romantic movie words for them as well.
And that with more ease than ever.
It actually filled him with pride to see her that peacefully asleep in his arms, with her guards completely down and calmed down from the shit day that laid past her.
He really couldn’t deny that he was feeling like a proud fucker, right up until the point where he wasn’t, where the thoughts that were keeping him awake this night sneaked up again and tried to punch down any fine feeling that was trying to build up in him.
And there was something – someone – else that made those thoughts even worse.
This fucker out there, who was playing the role he should be playing.
He should have been there to calm her down after the fight with Tara.
He should have been there to cheer her up after things went downhill at the infirmary, make her laugh until she couldn’t breathe with his dirty jokes or distract her the way he liked to do it.
Hell, he should have been there when she had been outside and had seen Daryl.
He should have been there.
But he wasn’t.
He was in this dark shit cell.
He could feel frustration and jealousy boiling up in him just the second he began to think about it, feeling their steam rise up until they built questions in his head that bounced relentlessly around in his skull like fucking ping pong balls.
Was that all enough for her long term when she had so much more outside waiting for her?
Just him in this goddamned cell? Every night on this crappy ass bed?
Hell, she deserved better than this all and maybe it was just a matter of time till she would realized that.
He trusted her with his life, no question, and he didn’t ever see her as the one to just leave him if things got though, they had been through way too much already to believe that.
But could he blame her if this shit here would be too much at some point?
He hated to admit it but no, he couldn’t.
He couldn’t stand this hellhole as well, and he was only locked up for about two damn weeks, there were so many fucking countless days to come.
Some day, he thought, he probably would come out, see what the fuck Rick the fucking prick was trying to build but till then, a long time would pass.
So what the hell could he give her in here? A good fuck? Yes, that was about it and even though he liked to believe that his dick could solve as good as any problem, he knew that this wasn’t actually the reality.
And the longer he was alone with his thoughts, the more they were trying to eat him up.
He had never been able to make everything the way he wanted up to Lucille, and now that he had a second chance, he couldn’t give her as much as she deserved too.
He was doomed to fuck this up as well, earlier or later, and anytime this thought sneaked up in his head a rush of nausea washed over him, almost swallowing him completely.
A shivering breath left his tensed up body as he cradled the sleeping figure in his arms as close as he could against himself, holding her tight as he closed his eyes, asking himself if the nights he would be able to do this were already counted.
The sun was slipping its first sun rays into the cell when Negan’s eyes fluttered open, only after they had rested for not more than two hours, maybe three, if he was lucky.
Quietly, he cleared his throat, feeling the slight itching of the new bandaid that was pressing over his wound as he was shifting a little against the pillow beneath his head before his drowsy glance fell on (Y/N) in his arms, still as peacefully asleep as he had lastly found her.
For a moment he tried to push the dark thoughts from last night out of his mind and let his head lean against hers again to maybe catch a bit more sleep, even though it probably were just a few damn minutes.
Just as his eyes shut again and he could feel the sleep trying to grasp him,the echoing footsteps down the stairs by the cell let his eyes shoot open again, provoking a pissed grunt to fall from his lips.
“Roger, you fucking early bastard”, he grumbled under his breath, turning his head to face the metal bars so he could see what kind of bullshit his guard was about to create now.
It was way too early to get his girl out of the cell, so why the fuck was he down here?
Hoping to get a glimpse at his glorious morning boner?
Well pardon Sir, gotta disappoint you, that fuckers out of order this morning due to fucking sleep de-fucking-privation…or some other shit.
A heavy breath left Negan’s lips as he still heard more footsteps echoing through the walls, and normally he would have put on a teasing remark for his guard, enjoy to annoy some more the shit out of this guy but for the sake of her sleep, he passed on that today.
Negan still expected to see the tall, dark haired guy to turn up in front of the metal bars, with the same ol’ face expression that let him think that he might constantly had a stick rammed up his ass but instead another guy, someone he couldn’t remember to have seen before, stood at the door, glancing at him.
Instead of Roger that guy was blonde and a good couple of years younger, but tall as well, not as tall as he himself, nor as tall as his usual grumpy guard but still tall.
He didn’t have much of the I-got-a-stick-up-my-ass expression on his face, but at the moment, Negan couldn’t care less.
The only thing he began to care about was where that guys eyes were wandering, and they weren’t wandering to him, they were wandering to the sleeping figure in his arms, sticking to her enough to let a certain annoyance grow in his body.
“So, who are you?”, Negan grumbled, his eyes already narrowed as he finally got that fuckers glance away from his girl.
“Your new guard”, the man said, letting out a small sigh before he rose his voice again, “They wanted to have Roger on the team for the windmill for the next few days. So for now, I’ll take his shifts over.”
“Well, then hello new guard”, Negan said, his voice still drowsy and cold as his eyes wandered over the man’s face, trying to find out what was bothering him about it other than the fact that his glance was still switching obviously often and way more than he liked to his still thankfully sleeping girl.
“Well, see you later then”, his guard said, shifting uneasily over the floor before he gave him quick nod and turned towards the door that lead upstairs, beginning to beat retreat.
“Hey, what’s your name, boy?”, Negan asked just as he began to hear the dull footsteps sounding over the cement floor, before they came closer again until the blonde man was looking right at him again as he rose his voice.
(The gif isn’t mine/ it was originally posted by dancing-at-the-funeralparty)
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