Summary: The reader is placed in front of a hard decision as she gets her hands by pure chance on the keys to Negan’s cell.
This is one of the drabbles for the time jump between season 8 and 9! It’s linked to my series, so If you like you can find itrighthere, but you can also easily read it independently from it.
The metal door crashed with a dull thud into its lock, echoing through the cell and the outer room you found yourself standing in next to Negan’s guard.
He sat, as always, on the other side of the metal bars on his bed when you were let out of the cell, his eyes still wandering over you, revealing how much he was already waiting for the evening when you’d come back.
His guard began to fumble on his waistband, trying to slip the keys back to the other bunch on the ring attached to his leather belt as his walkie began to suddenly beep, the shrill tone bouncing off the cold walls and letting it echo through the rooms while an annoyed huff left his lips.
“Yeah?”, Roger grumbled, picking the walkie hastily up while his feet were shuffling restless over the cement ground, listening to the stressed voice of the man on the other side of the line.
“Gotta go, you find yourself out”, he finally said as he pushed the walkie back and glanced for a short moment at you, giving you a small nod before he began to rush up.
His heavy footsteps echoed over the ground and up the staircase, that strong that it felt like the floor beneath you would vibrate softly in response before the door upstairs crashed back into its frame.
As soon as the sound hushed you glanced back through the bars, catching Negan grinning softly at you as he ran his palm over his thicker growing salt and pepper beard.
“See you tonight”, you mumbled, giving him a small smile as you saw him lifting himself back up from the bed and beginning to stroll closer to the door until only the metal bars parted you.
“Yeah, see you, tonight, Baby. Now get up or I can’t guarantee for fucking anything. Might rip those fuckers here apart and get you back inside”, he playfully chuckled, teasingly raising his brows as you gave him a small laugh back, even though you could see something flickering beneath the playfulness in his eyes.
The distress of the loneliness the countable hours of the day would bring, the pain of being locked up and only seeing the same four walls each and every day, every hour, every minute, every second.
For a moment he reached through the bars, his large hand squeezing yours reassuringly before you gave him another small smile as soon as his warmth left yours again.
“Till later”, you mumbled, seeing how he gave you a small nod as you knew you had to go now if you didn’t want to make it all harder for each of you.
With a small sigh you finally made your way up the stairs, hearing quietly in the background how Negan made his way over to the bed as suddenly something sticking out from the dull cement stairs caught your eye.
It was small and glimpsed in the faint light and at first you didn’t recognize it, until the moment you leaned down, squinting your eyes slightly with puckered brows and caught what as laying right by your feet.
Two small silver keys, that laid there by your soles.
Two small silver keys Roger had tried to fumble apparently unsuccessfully onto his key ring earlier.
Two small silver keys that belonged to Negan’s cell.
Your breath seemed to stop for a moment, your heart seemed to skip a beat as you stared at the metallic figures on the ground and felt how your lips began to part in bewilderment.
Your finger began to grasp them almost unconsciously, as if you were stuck in a trance until the cold metal touched your fingertips and got eventually wrapped up in your palm.
Your mind seemed empty and filled up with thousands of thoughts at the same time, leaving you split and torn as a shivering breath left your lips and your eyes darted back down the stairs.
What were you supposed to do now?
You couldn’t lie, this scenario had spooked here and there already through your head but now that it turned into reality, you felt completely muddled.
There were those two sides again, the two sides you had already been stuck between in the war.
Negan on the one side.
Your old friends on the other.
Your mind was spilling over with thoughts and emotions, with the feeling of not being able to betray the people outside that began to finally accept you again but even more, with the urge to finally see Negan free again, to finally see him completely blithe again.
And for a moment this seemed more important than anything else.
But still, you couldn’t form a single straight thought as your foot met the cement step down to the cell again, your lips shivering as you got down, step by step until you saw the metal bars again.
“Negan”, only left your lips breathily, your hand still clasping the keys as you saw him looking irritated at you, surprised about your sudden return.
Puckering his brows he ran a hand over his thick beard stubble as he lifted himself off the bed, tapping over the floor as his deep voice echoed through the room.
“Somethin’ wrong?”, he mumbled worriedly, his eyes wandering over you, trying to read the answer off your face as you gulped heavily and glanced up at him.
“Roger he-”, you mumbled, too startled to bring your sentence to an end before you slowly opened your hand, “He lost the keys.”
Negan’s eyes widened as he came closer, squinting them as if the keys in your hand were a mirage that could vanish into thin air in the matter of seconds.
His glance wandered up, catching the look in your eyes that wandered repeatedly to the lock of his door and seemed to reveal just enough for his face to fall into a flat frown and his brows to pucker harder.
“No. (Y/N), no. You won’t fucking do that”, he nearly growled, letting your glance snap up to him as confusion and pain spread over your face.
“Negan, I-”, you began, gulping harshly as a shivering breath fell from your lips, “I see you suffering in there, I-”
“Doesn’t matter”, he cut you off, his voice intentionally sharp as if he wanted to cut those thoughts out of your head, “You won’t fucking do that.”
“Why?”, your voice was shivering, a little weaker than you intended to as he already shook his head and stepped even closer to the metal bars.
“’Cause I won’t let you put yourself at that much fucking risk for me, not gonna happen”, he scoffed, his eyes darting at yours, trying to keep them locked with his, “You’re just about to be on a better fucking path with them and that shit took you way more time and fucking work than you deserve. I won’t let you ruin that because of my ass.”
You glimpsed at him before your head sunk a little as a thick gulp wandered down your throat while your eyes captured the keys in your hand once more.
“But what kinda girlfriend am I if I never try to get you out of there?”
“The kinda awesome one that comes every fucking night here to stay by my damn side….and the one who’s not thinking clear right now”, with that your eyes wandered back up to him, puzzled by his response as he sighed and ran his palm over the silver struck thick beard.
“First, this is not your responsibility, not in any damn way. You’ve done more for me than I could ever fucking ask for…second, if this would happen”, he gestured at the keys with a swift motion, “What do you think would follow, huh? A damn flight, with a damn hunt that’d be opened on us? No fucking sir, I won’t put you in that kinda position. I won’t let you…and third…as I said and no fucking matter how much I wanna screw some of those fuckers outside over…You’re finally on your way to get what you had before my ass came along, I won’t be the one to ruin that.”
“Alright?”, he added, pushing the thoughts that had been running through your head already further to the surface, revealing the real problem.
You couldn’t have both, Negan released and the people outside respecting and trusting you again, at least yet.
“Listen, I’ll get out of this shit thing here some day. Earlier or later, they’re gonna fucking need me or some other shit’s gonna happen, but this here, this won’t be the way to go”, he said, still seeing the inner turmoil painted all over your face, “And I fucking know that this wouldn’t be the damn way you want it to happen too.”
You glanced up at him, sighing quietly and trying to let the tension leave your body while the keys seemed to burn into your palm, begging to be recognized.
But he was right, with each of his arguments, no matter how much you wanted to see him outside this cell, this wasn’t how you wanted it to happen.
You wanted peace with the people outside when it happened, not all of them, few had gone too far but at least with the ones who had begun to let you in again.
“So lemme tell you what’s gonna happen now. You’ll swing your sweet ass up there, give Roger the prick those damn keys back and get yourself the damn respect of them you fucking deserve”, he finally said, his hazel eyes capturing yours, keeping them locked to make sure you understood each and every word of his.
“I’ll be fine”, he said, as he reached through the bars and grasped your free hand, squeezing it lightly before he let out a small loosening chuckle ,”Baby, I’ll be fuckin’ fine.”
“Okay”, you finally mumbled, deeply exhaling as you stared at the keys once more time as his hand left yours and your eyes met his once more, reassuring you that you were doing the right thing.
And you were keeping this glance in his eyes in mind as you eventually made your way up the cement stairs, through the unfinished house and finally to his guard.
Summary: As some music streams from the outside into the cell, Negan decides to use this rare possibility for a small dance with his girl.
This is one of the drabbles for the time jump between season 8 and 9! It’s linked to my series, so If you like you can find itrighthere, but you can also easily read it independently from it.
Warm evening sunbeams shone through the cell’s windows and danced over the cement ground, filling the prison with orange rays of light while the smooth sound of music was beginning to sound through the glass behind the thick metal bars. It wasn’t loud enough to understand each and every word as it had to come from someone trying to make their work shortly before the houses more entertaining, but it was still enough to hear its soft and pleasant melody and enough to let Negan jump out of the prison bed to stand right in front of you, with his large hand stretched out to you and a wide grin dancing over lips. “Come here, we gotta use this”, he mumbled, his deep voice mixing warmly with the sound of the music while excitement about the sudden and rare entertainment spread over his handsome features, “I’m gonna make it one hell of a fuckin’ fun. I promise, Baby.” A chuckle was rumbling through his broad chest, letting it shake softly beneath the steel blue prison suit as he perked his dark brows up and grinned wider as soon as you slid your hand into his. Quickly, his warm hand enclosed yours, large enough let it almost vanish in his before he lifted you with ease from the cheap bed until your bodies were parted only by inches. Slowly, he lead you closer to the window, increasing the volume of the music just a little bit until he turned around to you and sneaked his arm around your waist. Glancing up at him you caught his hazel eyes wandering over your face, lit up softly by the warm evening sun as it drew bright lines around his face, his black hair and the salt and pepper beard. “There we go”, his deep drawl rumbled as he pulled you closer, keeping you right there with him until you could feel his warm body pressing against yours. Slowly, you slid your hand up his chest, reaching his shoulder within moments where it came to a rest as he raised his hand that was still engulfing yours, forming the position he wanted to have the both of you in. “Some surprise entertainment delivered to my damn doorstep…Gotta be a lucky day, huh”, Negan quietly chuckled, leaning in to peck your lips before you laughed quietly against his and gave him a small nod. “Definitely”, you mumbled, caressing your fingertips over his shoulder as you were feeling his warmth through the fabric of the suit tingling against your fingers. ”Now if that fucker is longer here we could later on fuck to the damn rhythm of that music”, Negan snickered, perking his brows suggestively up as a wolfish smirk spread over his lips as you chuckled quietly. ”Then lets hope he’s got some more work to do”, you laughed, feeling how Negan’s hand was squeezing you teasingly before he pulled you even closer against his tall figure.
A small hum left your lips as you eventually leaned in and could feel his head beginning to rest against yours, his thicker growing beard tickling you softly as you began to dip in closer until your nose could nuzzle into the warmth of his neck. His scent slowly engulfed you as he gradually began to swing the both of you softly from side to side, only centimeters at a time in the rhythm to the slow music. You could hear Negan’s deep voice humming along the melody while his chest was rising and falling softly beneath the prison suit against yours while his warm breath was brushing over your skin, creating small goose bumps of comfort all over your body. Negan’s thumb stroked slowly over the back of your hand as he held it in his large, warm one, while his lips pressed a kiss to your skin with a deep purr that was able to let a pleasant shudder wash through your body before his head leaned slowly back against yours. A content sigh left your lips as you huddled closer, taking in his warmth while the sound of the music set you slowly into a small trance, able to let you forget the cell Negan was held in for a small while as only his touches, the soft swinging and the deep rumble of his humming voice managed to let you melt completely against him.
“Don’t fall asleep here on me, still gotta hear how fuckin awesome your sweet moans gonna mix with that music”, Negan chuckled playfully after a while of just keeping you close and swinging you softly from side to side, eliciting a small laugh to fall from your lips as you teasingly dug your fingertips into his shoulder but remained buried in the crook of his neck. “I won’t, promise”, you mumbled against his warm skin, feeling it vibrating softly against you as soon as a chuckle rumbled through his throat as he cradled you a little closer against his firm chest. Humming you melted closer, drifting further off into your little trance. There was a small part of you imagining the both of you dancing just like this outside the cell and in a house with a cozy living room, with a white shirt and some gray sweatpants clinging to Negan’s body instead of the steel blue prison suit and with some fire crackling softly in a chimney instead of cold metal brushing against metal whenever a soft gust brushed against the door. But as much as this small part in you wished for you to have those things someday, as much knew the whole rest of you that this moment right now within his embrace was just perfect as it was in its very own way.
Summary: While the Reader has to deal with the annoying sides of being a woman, Negan tries his best to take care of his girl and her pain in his cell.
This is one of the drabbles for the time jump between season 8 and 9! It’s linked to my series, so If you like you can find itrighthere, but you can also easily read it independently from it.
“Right here?”, Negan asked as you felt him shifting over the softly squeaking mattress, letting his large hand caress over your lower stomach that felt like an elephant was sitting on your belly, pressing in on it while thousands of knives where diving and wrenching into your hurting flesh. “Yeah”, you mumbled, cuddling more into his side, feeling his arm wrapping tighter around your body as his thumb slowly stroke over your skin. “Fuck this”, you grumbled, feeling another cramp spreading out over your lower stomach, letting you squirm beneath the thin blanket of the prison’s bed while Negan let out a small sigh. “Ah shit, that fucker in there throwing a fit again?”, he asked, letting you sink a little more into his side as you slowly nodded, feeling the pressure pushing more into your already hurting body. “Hell, if I could, I’d get ya some hot bag or some damn chocolate”, he mumbled, pressing a kiss against your temple while a bit of disappointment was swinging in his voice. “I know, but your hand’s doing a pretty great job too”, you chuckled softly, reaching out to caress your fingertips over the back of his hand for a moment. “That’s what it always does, right?”, Negan chuckled throatily, tightening his embrace a little around you while his warm hand soothed your pain a bit and calmed the storm within your body’s middle. “Yeah, it sure does”, you mumbled with a small laugh, leaning your face into the warmth of his neck, breathing contently and deeply in and out as soon as his scent and warmth began to lull you a little more into their comfortableness before another cramp made you flinch slightly. “Fuck…that bad?”, Negan mumbled concerned, circling his fingers gently over your skin as if it would magically let the pain vanish. “Yeah…shit, I already took one tablet at the infirmary…hoped it would kick in faster…fucking hate this crap”, you grumbled, huffing as you shifted a little, as if it would loosen the tension that was building up in your lower stomach. “Well then maybe I gotta put a baby in there next time so you can skip over this shit”, Negan chuckled, trying to make you laugh and distract you while thumping his pointing finger softly onto your skin as you let out a small chuckle and cuddled closer into his embrace and the fabric of his prison suit. “Yeah so I can deal with the millionth times worse pain nine months later”, you joked, feeling how Negan leaned his head against yours and caressed your stomach a little more with the rough tips of his fingers and the warmth of his palm. “Anyway….for now I just need you to keep your hand there and cuddle me some more”, you mumbled, feeling how he tucked you a little more in while a small chuckle let his chest vibrate as you shifted a bit to nuzzle your face into it, craving the warmth that was radiating through the steel blue fabric. “Aye, aye, Captain…as you fucking wish”, Negan chuckled, pressing another kiss on your forehead, letting his warm lips caress over your skin while his thick beard stubble scratched softly against it. “If you need somethin’ else, need the seamann to sail the red sea or just give you some nice ass back rub…just let me know”, Negan mumbled against your skin as he softly laughed and held you a little closer as you let out a small chuckle. “I will, but this is perfect right now”, you mumbled, humming as you felt his warm hand caressing once more over your stomach. “Alright, then just let me keep ya warm and cozy and then, hopefully, this fucker will calm their ass down”, Negan mumbled against your skin as he pulled you a little closer into his embrace, motivating you to nuzzle your face deeper into his warm chest until you closed your eyes and just let him hold you in his strong arms.
You felt like you could still hear those words echoing through the cell as the metal bar door crushed into its lock behind you and Rick’s heavy footsteps began to descend until they hushed completely. Negan stood still there like glued to the spot, his bare feet pressing against the cold cement ground while his eyes were wandering over your face, nearly analyzing it, as if he couldn’t believe you were actually there, as if you were more of a mirage the loneliness of the prison had forced him to imagine. His face was taken hostage by a wild mix of emotions, ranking from surprise and disbelief that let the muscles of his face fall flat, to happiness that curled the slightly open gaping lips just a little but softly up, to uncertainty that was letting his brows twitch for a short moment. “Yeah”, you mumbled softly as you were finally able to open your mouth, feeling how all those emotions that were written over his face were running through your veins too. You had missed him, you had known that before, that much that it had felt like a pain able to wrench you apart, but now that you were seeing him, not more than a few meter away from you, you realized it once more. As soon as your voice had hushed, Negan’s eyes ran slowly south, down until they suddenly captured your wrist, catching the absence of the bracelet, of his gift. His eyes widened slightly in the matter of milliseconds, a harsh gulp travelled down his throat while his body tensed up as if the blood in his veins had frozen. You’d bet that normally, he’d just be confused if he was seeing you without it but now, now this had to seem like you were there for the beginning of the end. ”I didn’t take it off. It broke..happened at the infirmary, I-”, you mumbled, feeling how the tension got a hold of you as well, your eyes wandering consistently over his face only to be stopped as you saw it softening again in relief. It got silent for a few seconds, both of you unsure what to do, what to say before a shivering breath fell from his lips as his head dropped slightly, before he swallowed harshly and glanced slowly back up to you. ”I-…fuck”, he scoffed, only stepping slowly closer before his hand was reaching up to stroke uneasily over his thick salt and pepper stubble before he tried to rally himself and find the right words. ”I don’t think little of you, I don’t fucking…I’m just, fuck”, he scoffed, his jaw clenching tightly as he took a deep breath before his eyes found yours again, eliciting a warmth to slowly sneak up in you that got suddenly larger with the next few words ,”I can’t lose you. I’m just so damn fucking scared of it that I-” “Shit, that’s why I freaked out when that Caleb fucker-. Fuck, I was jealous, I know, fucking sick to the fucking stomach jealous. But not ‘cause I don’t trust you or think you’ll take the easy damn way and just piss off…I’m just shitless fucking terrified.” “I-”, he sighed deeply, obviously showing that he wanted to say and explain more, push those words out that seemed to be like stuck to the back of his throat while you could feel that they wouldn’t get out before each of you got some of the tension out of your bodies.
You weren’t even sure how it exactly happened, somehow your body took over your mind for a moment and only let it come back as soon as only centimeters parted you, your eyes met for the split of a second before your arms wrapped slowly around his neck, a little cautious about his possible reaction before this caution got quickly pushed out of your mind as soon as you could feel his strong arms wrapping around you. First slow, as if he was still expecting you to pull away before he got his confidence back as he felt you slowly melting against him. His embrace got tighter, his arms cradled you closely against his chest as your face leaned against his neck, taking in his familiar scent and finally feeling his warmth surrounding and lulling you in again. God, had you missed this. It had been three days, nothing much if circumstances were normal, but with the fight and the uncertainty of the future swinging threateningly through each passing moment, those three days had felt like a painful eternity. Your bodies clung to one another, almost as if you were afraid the other one would vanish as soon as you’d let go just a little bit. It took only moments for his head to drop to your shoulder, before his nose nuzzled slowly into the fabric of your shirt, breathing thoroughly in and out as he cradled you even tighter against his broad chest.
”I missed you…so fucking much”, he finally mumbled, and even though his voice got muffled by your shirt you could still hear the mass of emotions that was streaming through each of his cells and elicited a wave of warmth to wash over you. ”I missed you too”, you mumbled back, feeling how the growing warmth inside you got larger with each of his words and each passing second he held you. “I’m sorry I took so long to come back…I-…Negan, I was scared too”, you quietly mumbled, your voice breaking a little before you felt him shaking his head slowly against your shoulder. “You’re back, damn, that’s all that matters to me”, he mumbled against the fabric, pulling you even closer as you got slowly lost in his comforting warmth. You longed to simply stay like this forever, just not ever let go but there was a small part in the back of your head telling you that you couldn’t, you still had to get the rest that was still uncertain out of the world, you had to settle every little misunderstanding or issue, even if the temptation to just let him hold you through the whole night was growing with each second you spend longer this close to him. And you could feel those exact thoughts running through his head too, letting him shift slightly as both of you seemed reluctant to break off the comforting hug. ”Still got some more shit to explain to you”, he finally muttered slowly, his voice clearly showing the reluctancy that was stuck within him before he gulped harshly as soon as you slowly leaned back, just enough to look into his eyes. You could sense a little fear and nervousness dancing through his glance that just got a little less as you slowly nodded and gave him a soft ‘okay’.
Moments later you found yourself sitting on the bed right next to Negan, your jacket already placed next to the bed on the floor, your hand laying in his while his thumb stroke slowly over its back, tracing small patterns into the skin while he seemed to search for words. A small sigh fell from his lips as his other hand sneaked up to let his palm stroke over his thick salt and pepper stubble before it fell down to his knees again as his face finally turned towards you. ”I’m sorry…real fucking sorry…that night it just got too damn much. I know that’s no excuse, but-”, he sighed, his glance were falling from yours before you squeezed his hand softly and shifted a little closer. He was beating himself up, you could see it clear as the day and you hated it as he seemed to fall into the role of feeling like the one who always fucked things up. And it wasn’t even true, hell, It wasn’t the case that he was the bad and you the good one in your relationship. The situation was the big deal and his position in it, first the war, then the cell. Besides, you felt like you were far from perfect as well, you unwillingly fucked some things up too from time to time and yes, you made mistakes. But that’s simply human, right? You had been mad at him, sure, but now that you had heard the first part of his explanation already, things were standing in a different light. ”Negan”, you softly mumbled, your voice reassuring before he slightly shook his head and gulped uneasily. ”Just feels like I can’t give you shit. Not even just about those big things, also this damn small shit”, he grumbled, sighing before he glanced a little up, “Sounds fuckin’ sappy, but just walking down the damn street with you in my arm or, hell cooking some spaghetti for ya…I can’t do any of that.” Another sigh left his lips and his behavior got clearer and clearer to you with each second, but the moment you wanted to say something he rose his tense voice once more. ”I don’t wanna be just the damn asshole who just takes and doesn’t give shit back”, he mumbled, the pain clearly audible through his voice before his brows puckered in distress and a harsh gulp travelled down his throat, “Couldn’t make it all up to Lucille the way I wanted…thought I could just make everything better for us and then this crap cell happened. Feels like I’m fucking doomed to fucks us up too.” ”And then there’s this fucker who could give you all that and…fuck, that just drove me crazy…it still does.” You let out a small, worried sigh, trying to find the right words as you were squeezing his hand before you took a breath and rose your voice, determined to get those things as fast as possible out of his head.
He was always there, putting himself back when you needed him. You could be truly yourself when you were with him, without having to worry or adjust just in the tiniest bit. Hell, he was your rock, no matter how clear that was to him or not. The very last thing he did was ruining your relationship. The situation was far from easy, you couldn’t and wouldn’t deny that, but this wouldn’t make him less of a great partner. If you were honest, you couldn’t imagine someone better, someone who could make you laugh or smile as much as he did. To you, he really was all you had ever searched for and all you hadn’t even known you were searching. He was all you wanted and needed. And Caleb, he was the very last thing he had to worry about, not only because the man who had seemed so kind at first had changed over your last conversation, but because he simply wasn’t Negan. And the very same thing counted for anybody else. The words began to flow easier as soon as you saw his face relaxing, saw the tension wash from it and saw his eyes soften and a smile beginning to grow on his lips that made his dimples softly show beneath the thick beard stubble.
”Anybody could be out there and I wouldn’t care, you’re here and I just want you, regardless of this cell or not”, you finally mumbled, the relieved smile that kept growing on Negan’s face letting the warmth in you grow some more before you knew you had to add something, something you needed to get off your chest after having to wreck your head all these days over it. “And the thing is…I just…I never had those big insecurities or doubts with you…I mean, sure I had those small thoughts once in a while, just asking myself why the hell you want me but I guess…I guess in some way that’s normal…you always made me feel special and desired and I just-”, you said, stopping as your glance wandered through this cell before you gulped slightly and glanced towards him ,”I thought maybe you think all those things because I don’t show you enough how much you mean to me…or because I’m not loving en-” “No, no, no, shit Baby don’t even think that. That’s all just me, this crap cell and all that shit stuff happening around, but in no damn way you”, he cut you off, his voice determined as he grabbed your hand tighter, making you look at him to make sure you were understanding each of his words. “And those small shit insecurities, fuck, why’d you have them? You’re fucking mind blowing awesome, hell to me, you’re my damn perfect girl”, he mumbled, squeezing your hand tighter as more warmth got unleashed while his warm hazel eyes wandered over your face. “Well and that’s the way I see you too”, you mumbled back, trying to give him the last bit to reassure him before he chuckled quietly and quirked one eyebrow. ”I’m your perfect girl?”, he grumbled teasingly, as he not only let a wave of laugh wash through your body but even more relief. He got his humor back along with the happy grin that was dancing over his face and those two were some of the best ways to confirm he was fine again. ”You know what I mean”, you chuckled, shoving your elbow playfully into his side before you glanced up into his hazel orbs. ”So this is settled?” ”Yeah”, he said, running a hand over his beard stubble as he loosened the other one that had clasped yours, before he reached out to your legs, grabbing them carefully so he could pull them over his own until you ended up on his lap and felt him wrapping his arms around you. “We’ll get through this here”, he mumbled, pressing a kiss to your shoulder before you slowly wrapped your arms around his neck, longing to feel him as close as you could while more and more relief washed through you the more you realized that everything was truly fine again. ”Fuck, you got no I idea what big ass rock just fell from my damn shoulders”, he mumbled into your shirt, bringing the relief that also streamed through your veins to a point. Glancing down at him you caught his eyes darting at you, softening as they met yours. Your hands wandered to cup the back of his neck, your fingertips toying with the dark locks at its nape before you slowly leaned down and let your lips meet, finally. A tingling but comforting warmth streamed through your body the moment you met, feeling his lips caressing over yours, capturing them longingly and with a certain hunger the last days of your absence had created. Humming into the kiss you kept your eyes closed, feeling how his arms tightened around you, pulling you closer against him, how his hands held you while deep growls that rumbled through his chest and up his throat vibrated against your lips. Only slowly you let go of each other, only pushed by the urge to catch some breath while your face was still hovering closely over his, far enough away to glance into his eyes, close enough to still feel his hot breath brushing over your skin. A relieved smile began to grow once more on your lips as you glanced at him and felt the unbelievably large mass of feelings you had for him wash over you again. For the split of a second, it seemed like some certain words ghosted through your head, whirling up more of the emotions that were already dancing wildly within you while you could swear by the look in his eyes that there was something, if not the same, at least similar, rushing through his head. You were too stirred up to think logically, but there still was a tiny part in you telling you to not rush it while you already were in such an emotional state and situation. ”You’re the best damn thing that fucking has and could’ve ever happened to me…I want you to know that, alright?”, you heard Negan mumble, his voice thick with genuineness as he glanced at you and made the smile on your lips grow even larger than it already was, while your heart began to flutter and pound excitedly against your chest. ”That works the other way around too”, you mumbled back, instead of switching them with this other pair of words, realizing that the moment was perfect as it was, that those word he had just told you meant not less than the ones that had ghosted through your head seconds ago. One day they would slip out of your lips, you were sure of that as you realized with each passing moment back in his arms how deep those feelings for him were, deeper than you had ever experienced or expected to experience but for now, you were simply happy to have him back in this moment that couldn’t be better just the way it was.
”Shit, you really got the fuckin power to turn me into some drippy fucker”, you heard Negan mumble after a few moments, his lips pressing with a grin against your shirt before he let out a small chuckle. ”You’re not drippy, just sweet”, you mumbled with a soft laugh back, glancing down at him as you wrapped your arms closer around his neck and looked into his hazel orbs. ”Mhmm”, he just chuckled, running his tongue quickly over his lower lip before he shrug his shoulders slightly,”Fuck, I don’t care anymore either way.” With a deep hum he leaned in, pressing another kiss to your shoulder before you could see his grin growing wider before he glanced up again and let you see the roguishness that was stuck in his eyes. ”Just be aware that I’m also that fucker who fucks your brains out and pounds your sweet pussy into the damn mattress till you can’t think and walk straight”, he purred, tightening his hold he had on you teasingly before a laugh escaped your lips. ”Oh I’m more than aware of that”, you chuckled, seeing him biting his lower lip before he pulled you closer with a pleased sigh, right until he could bury his face in the crook of your neck and breath contently and with another deep him in and out. The warmth within you grew some more as you wrapped your arms closer around him, enough so you could lean your head against his and let your fingers run through his dark locks. Your eyes eventually closed as your whole body relaxed and melted against him, leaving you wrapped up in his embrace while his warm breath that brushed softly over your skin let you swing into a peaceful trace.
”You’re gonna let me make it up to you, Baby?”, Negan mumbled after a small comfortable while of just being entangled in each other against the fabric of your shirt. Loosening your hold on him you glanced down, catching him pressing his lips against your skin while his eyes were traveling up until they could lock with yours. ”You don’t need to, It’s not-”, you said, already somewhere else with your thoughts before you recognized the tone in his voice along with the roguish glance in his eyes and began to chuckle softly,”Oh you mean that making up.” ”Is that a yes?”, he hummed, grinning up at you as his arm tightened a little more around your figure. ”Yeah”, you mumbled back, your smile wide as you leaned in until you could press your lips in a short but loving kiss to his. Feeling your lips part you still remained close to him, feeling him leaning once more up to give you a soft peck before his hands moved to your waist, cupping it tightly as he turned around, enough to let you fall into the bed, let you sink into the mattress while he moved in the matter of seconds on top of you. ”There we go”, he chuckled, caging you in between his arms as his lips met yours again in a more heated kiss. Humming against his lips your hands wandered up his chest until they found their rest around his neck, letting you feel his warmth and the dark locks at its nape. ”Damn, I’m so fucking happy you’re here”, Negan mumbled as your lips parted for a moment, his lips not able to stop from turning into a wide smile that overpowered the grin by far. His lips met yours again, caressing over them while pleasant growls rumbled through Negan’s chest and up his throat, letting it vibrate softly against the palms of your hands. Slowly your fingers wandered down, right until they reached the button border of his shirt, feeling the fabric of the prison suit brushing against your fingertips as they were wandering farther down, ready to unbutton it before Negan suddenly broke off your kiss. ”No, no, you’re first”, he chuckled lowly against your lips, pressing a peck to them before you heard his gravelly voice vibrating against you once more ,”Let me take care of you.” “Okay”, you mumbled softly, feeling the yearning for him grow as he smirked at you, his teeth sinking into his lower lip before he leaned down until his lips pressed against the sensitive skin of your neck, eliciting a soft hum to fall from your lips. Your fingers found their way into his dark hair, running through his black locks as his lips created a warm path down your neck, over your collarbones before his hands slowly began to slide beneath your shirt. His rough, warm hands ran over your skin, letting goosebumps of longing spread over your body as they moved your shirt up, right until he could pull it over your head, his eyes glowing up as soon as they began to wander. Your back pressed seconds later back into the mattress as his lips were placing open mouthed kissed down your stomach. His warm breath let pleasant chills run down your spine as your fingers caressed through his hair, feeling how he nuzzled his nose into your stomach before his teeth began to teasingly scrape over your skin. A soft chuckle fell from your lips in response before you glanced down, catching his hazel eyes and the large grin that was spread all over his face before he chuckled lowly and leaned in, playfully biting your stomach, letting his teeth sink just enough into your skin to give you a soft tug while his beard stubble was tickling you softly and elicted a laugh to fall from your lips. Negan’s low chuckles vibrated against your skin as his bites turned back into kisses until he made it to the waistband of your pants, his fingers beginning to fumble on the zipper as you laughed quietly. “Think you gotta get the shoes off before”, you mumbled, seeing him glancing back up again with a groan before his deep laugh mixed in again. “Fuck”, he grumbled with another chuckle, leaning back up again to move down to your feet, “You’re getting me all fucking dazzled.” Chuckling he moved to swing your legs over his lap, grabbing your ankles as his fingers were fumbling on the shoe laces. ”Shit, fucking boot fucker”, Negan grumbled as he wiggled them struggling off of you, pushing the first shoe to the floor, seconds later then the other before his hazel eyes wandered back to you, traveling over your legs before he let out a humorous scoff and glanced grinning at you. ”Damn those pants are annoying, gotta get them off of ya”, he grumbled biting his lower lip, already climbing back up to you before sliding the fabric off your skin in the matter of seconds, leaving you in only your underwear and Negan roiled up in the best way possible. His lips were meeting your lips again, heated and more rough than before but still with some of the smile on his lips he didn’t seem to be able to get off of them. Smiling into the kiss yourself your fingers caressed over his jaw, pulling him closer to you as low hums and growls vibrated against your lips while your feelings flared up once more, washing a wave of warmth through your whole body. It kept streaming through your veins, each of your inches, each of your cells, while the relief mixed further into the happiness that was letting the warmth grow with each second. Negan’s beard stubble brushed against your skin as your lips parted for a moment, feeling how he let out a satisfied hum before your eyes fluttered open and saw his warm orbs glancing into yours. Your lips grew into a wider smile as your fingertips caressed his stubbly jaw, hearing another small growl eliciting his throat as his eyes wandered over your face, seeing them slowly narrowing in the lust and yearning that was streaming through your body as well. ”I’m all yours”, you whispered against his lips, knowing the effect it had on him that got quickly confirmed as a purring growl escaped his lips and a flicker danced through his darkening eyes. ”Fuck Baby, and I’m your damn man”, he growled against your lips, his hot breath hitting your skin before his lips captured yours once more. He groaned quietly into the kiss, relish washing through his voice as he pressed the largely growing bulge beneath the fabric of his pants against your covered but growing heat. “Oh, I know you like that”, Negan purred with a grin against your lips as soon as a hum had escaped them, adding another one as he was grinding himself once more, now harder, against your most sensitive spots. “Fuck, I know what you like else, too”, he grumbled with a low chuckle, pressing another kiss to your lips before they left them to find their way south. Negan’s touches were lingering, enough to make you painfully long for more of him while his lips gradually traveled down, his strong hands managing to get rid of your bra in the matter of moments before they fondled your breasts, caressing them with his fingers and those warm lips of his. Soft moans left your lips, increasing as soon as he was hovering over the waistband of your already soaked panties, his hot breath letting goosebumps spread over your skin as his darkened eyes glanced up at you while a wicked grin danced over his lips. “Gonna make you feel so fucking good”, he purred against the fabric, allowing another wave of heat to wash through your body before he leaned further down, pressing his lips to the part of your panties that was hiding your most sensitive spots while a satisfied growl left his lips. You hummed softly, feeling how Negan’s lips pressed then to the inside of your thighs, the roughness of his beard sending pleasant shivers down your spine before a soft giggle left your lips as soon as you felt him chafing his stubble teasingly along the sensitive skin. “Negan, no”, you laughed quietly, squirming as he looked with a wide grin at you, raising his brows suggestively before dragging his stubbly cheek once more over your skin just until his warm lips pressed a final kiss to them and his fingertips finally found the waistband of your panties. As soon as the fabric had left your skin, one more growl elicited Negan’s throat as two of his fingers trailed along your wetness just before a gasp left your lips as his lips captured your heat and began to do their magic. Every flick of his tongue was sending hot shivers through your veins, pooling even more in your body middle while two of his fingers began to pump into you as his other hand traveled over your body until his thumb could caress your heated flesh in circling movements. Soon, he set you into a beautiful trance, pushing you further into it until your body shook in pleasure, soft moans left your trembling lips and your fingers were twisted into his dark locks as he finally carried you through your high.
“Told ya”, Negan quietly chuckled as he climbed moments later back up to you, licking his lips as his arms caged you in between them once more, letting him hover right over you as his hazel orbs caught yours and brought a whole different warmth back into your body. “Fuck, can’t tell you how goddamn happy I am”, he mumbled, the smile that had never really left his lips was mixing stronger into the grin that was still dancing over his face. “Same goes for me”, you quietly chuckled, your breath becoming steady again as you saw him leaning down, pressing his lips against your neck, his smile clearly palpable before he teased you with his tickling beard once again. “Oh come on”, you huffed with a chuckle as you squirmed beneath him, digging your fingertips softly into the fabric of his prison suit’s shirt while a low laugh escaped his lips and his raspy voice vibrated against your skin. “I know you actually like that…shit, I know you love it” “Mhmm”, you chuckled, half in approval, half squirming and trying to keep more laughs from shaking through your body before you tugged on his shirt ,”Now get out of your clothes too.” “Oh someone’s greedy”, Negan grumbled, kissing your neck swiftly before he leaned back, grinning at you and licking slowly over his lower lip before he got himself on his knees and pulled the pieces of the prison suit off his body until only a pair of black boxers and a large, promising tent beneath them was left. “What? You know the last damn piece’s yours”, he chuckled, biting his lips as he glanced down and jerked his hips a little and in a teasing and playful manner forwards. Having to grin to yourself you leaned up, your fingertips meeting his warm skin and the fabric of the waistband before they slipped in-between and finally pulled his boxers down, revealing the beast that was hidden beneath it. A low growl left Negan’s lips as he got fully rid of it and caught the anticipated expression that was spread all over your face, right before he was guiding you back into the mattress, leaning over you, his breath ghosting over your face as his large hand gave his pulsing dick a few tight pumps. A manly grunt left his lips as his hand moved to grab your waist, as yours wandered to his back, your fingertips caressing over his skin while your body’s heat grew in more anticipation, mixing with the relief, lust and happiness that was already deeply stuck within you.
Then, he finally sunk into you, inch by inch, letting a soft gasp fall from your lips as he stretched you in the best way imaginable out, leaving you clinging onto him as you wrapped your legs around his hips to allow him to sink even deeper. “Fuck, you’re wet”, he growled, his hips meeting yours as he thrusted once more into your heat, groaning in deep relish as he caught your face twisting in pleasure. “Slippy like a damn ice track”, he added with a low chuckle, grinning at you as your soft moan got interrupted by a laugh as you dug your fingertips teasingly into his skin. “Really?!”, you chuckled, raising your brows playfully before the grin took over as soon as his deep laugh rumbled up his chest and his hands gripped you a little tighter. “Mhm yeah”, he mumbled grinning, leaning down to press a kiss to your lips before his hips began to move in rhythm with yours, letting the pleasure spread all over his face in the matter of seconds.
Soon enough your bodies were a tangle of limbs, getting lost in each other while the happiness and relief that was still streaming through both of you was letting more small laughs and playful moments create as you clung to one another. Those small laughs mixed with his deep groans of pleasure and your soft moans, reechoing through the cell as you sunk deeper into the lust and longing that got unleashed more and more with each passing second, each deep thrust, each touch and each kiss. Everything felt intoxicating, his skilled movements that turned slow lovemaking to a whole different and heated dimension every other moment. His touches that could be lingering once, tracing his fingertips over your skin and to your sweetest spots to pamper them with skill and in the other moment hard and yearning as they grabbed your hips to thrust deeper. Your kisses that could change from slow and loving to passionate and rough, but either way managed to let both of you sink into an even deeper trance. The only constant was the smile that was still lingering on both of your lips, somewhere always there even if you were sunken in a deep, longing kiss.
You stayed this way, entangled in each other and filled up with the best whirlwind of emotions swirling through your bodies until you were nothing but panting messes, clinging to each other while small happy chuckles left both of your lips. You didn’t even really notice the cell around you, it felt somewhere far away from you as Negan’s warm hazel eyes ran over your face, his smiling lips gaping softly open to give space to small pants while your fingers traced over his stubbly jaw, smiling just as bright as he did before both of your lips met again.
Your breath was finally steady again as you found yourself cuddled up to Negan’s side, your bare body pressing against his while his arms were securely and protectively wrapped around you, keeping closely in his warm embrace. Your leg was hooked over his, allowing you to huddle up even closer as your fingers toyed softly with the small, dark curls that peppered his chest, and your nose nuzzled into the warmth of his neck, burying your face into its curve like it was your very own sanctuary. Negan’s head was leaning against yours, his warm breath brushing over your skin as his lips placed a small kiss to your temple and his fingers traced up and down your arm, while the soft gestures of the big bad wolf let a smile on your lips grow as you pressed a gentle kiss to his neck. And there you laid, both with big smiles on your lips, more than happy regardless of the fact that you were in a cell, laying on a cheap mattress with only a thin blanket covering your bodies. Negan pressed another kiss to your temple as his hands reached up to tuck you a little more in along with him until he wrapped his strong arms tighter around you and let out a little but content sigh as he cradled you against his chest. Both of you were swinging in this comfortable silence, still stuck a little in the bubble you had brought each other in but if you were honest, there weren’t many words needed right now, if any. Each of you already knew what was most important, what mattered the most.
Summary: After the fight, both, Negan and the Reader go through their personal hells. And while Negan is locked up in his cell, with his hopes for her returnshrinking with each passing day, the reader fights a battle with herself until she encounters an unexpected helper.
This part is written alternating between both POVs and we finally got a bunch of appearances of the other characters again!
There he sat, completely quiet, with his eyes staring into the emptiness of the dark cell while the thoughts in his head were too loud to understand or even grasp any of them. His knuckles were swollen, dark red blood shimmering on the thin skin, evidence of the times he had punched his fists against the cold, hard stone. It hadn’t helped him to let out any of the frustration, anger, regret and disappointment that was filling his body all the way to the stop, it had just given him another pain adding to the one boiling within him. It hadn’t been many, maybe two or three punches and by the second one he had already slumped against the wall, recognizing what had happened, what he had done, what he might have lost. Hot tears had burned in his eyes waiting for their release, pants had left his lips along with growling curses that weren’t nearly able to express the mess that was going kamikaze in his mind. And now, fuck now he was sitting slumped in on the cheap bed like some sorry fuck, his elbows digging into his thighs as his hands were buried in his hair, his eyes staring at the cement ground, burning from the tears that had found their way earlier or later out of them, falling down his cheeks only to leave an uneasy and drying tension on his heated skin. Last night around this time, she had laid in his arms, cuddled up to his side with her head resting on his chest, contently and steadily breathing in her peaceful sleep. He had guessed these nights would be counted, but little had he known that it would be the last one. He had fucked it up. Again. Big fucking time.
The first sun streams were beginning to fall into the room as your eyes slowly fluttered open, battered from the tears you had shed before falling exhaustedly asleep. For the first seconds, you found yourself irritated, wondering why you were laying sprawled out on the bed in your old room instead of huddled up in Negan’s arms before your mind began to replay the events of the last night step by step, letting you live right through it again. Negan’s burning jealousy of the guy you saw nothing else in than a friend, the way he had already looked at him as he had done his job as new guard and brought you down to the cell, the suspense that had radiated through him just a while later, his loud, booming filled voice that was filled with anger and desperation, the accusation that you would leave him just like that earlier or later anyway for someone else outside, simply because he was stuck in this dark, cold cell. A shiver ran through your body as soon as you found yourself shifting over the sheets, feeling how the clothes of the last day dug into your skin and reminded you even more of the fact that everything seemed to have changed. For moments you just felt empty, completely and entirely empty, as if anything that had happened had just been a nightmare. But it hadn’t, if it had, you’d find yourself in Negan’s arms right now, feel him kissing and cradling you, soothing you until you could fall asleep again instead of staying wide awake and alone in this large bed. A weird mix of madness and pain was beginning to sneak up within you again, creating too many thoughts for you to process. A tight breath left your lips as you pressed yourself into the soft pillows, suddenly tensing up as you heard Rick and Michonne’s voices echoing dully through the house, reminding you in the worst way possible that there was more for you to come. They would notice that you had slept here instead of the cell. They would ask questions. They would know. And you would have to go out there, continue your shifts at the infirmary as if nothing had happened, while all you wanted to actually do was bury your head under the sheets, press it into the pillows and never get out of them again or at least until every of your problems had magically vanished.
Quiet curses left your lips as you pushed yourself up into the pillows against the headboard, hearing how their voices got more distant, letting you hope for a second that they would leave the house. But just moments later this little hope got destroyed as you heard the cabinets in the kitchen cluttering, heard their voices continuing and heard one of them still strolling through the house. Of course, they weren’t leaving yet, it was way too early, too early for them to leave, too early for the little time window you spent each morning in this house to happen, including getting ready for the day after spending the night at the cell. So you couldn’t even pretend to have simply arrived earlier, not even after you felt yourself weighing out any possible explanation. Your eyes darted at the small digital clock on the nightstand, trying to find out how much longer you could push it until you would have to do something if you didn’t want to be late for your shift and make everything even worse.
It took a few more minutes for you to lay in the bed, filling up with more thoughts and emotions with each moment until you got yourself to heft your still exhausted body up, make it walk until you could shed your clothes to get yourself under the shower. It often helped washing a bit of stress off of you but all it did this time was setting you for moments into a dull trance, staring at the water and soap that were going in a little tornado down the drain. You could feel the stream flowing down your skin, feel the drops hitting the back of your head as hard as the thoughts in your head seemed to pound against your skull. It was odd how weirdly opposite emotions were able to mix. The anger within you, paired with the disappointment about the things he had said, while on the other side your whole body and mind missed him deeply. Around that time of the day, you’d usually still be laying in his arms after just waking up, feeling him drowsily mumbling his good mornings to you before pulling you once more closer into his embrace until he could brush his lips over your temple, kiss you and let you slowly start the day with him. Yesterday, you had figured that at least after the first bumper caused by the guard change things would get back to normal, but little had you known that this had just been the beginning. But that didn’t mean you would never have these mornings again, right? After you would get those things out of the world, they’d come back…right? If you would get those things out of the world. But what if not?
A sharp, cutting breath fell from your lips as you caught an ice-cold shudder running down your spine by the thought, letting you recognize just now that tears had shot into your eyes, burning for their release. “Fuck”, you scoffed, brushing the tears that were threatening to fall down your cheeks from your skin before you moved around to turn the shower off, frustrated that this had turned into the opposite of what you had hoped it would be. Forcing yourself to suppress your up boiling emotions and thoughts for at least a small while you grabbed the towel, breathed deeply through and stepped out the shower.
You were pushing it, pushing the time, pushing yourself until you found yourself finally standing in front of the door, with the handle in your hand, still not knowing what the hell you should tell them if they asked questions even though you had racked your brain for the last while over it. The creaking of the opening door eventually echoed horribly through your head as you made your way out of the room, hearing their voices somewhere downstairs while more shivering and tight breaths left your lips. The stairs grid beneath your shoe soles as you made your ways down, growing more tense with each step until you finally got into the hallway, hoping that the both of them were busy making breakfast in the kitchen, maybe not even noticing you. And you kept hoping this until the moment you suddenly saw a shadow spreading over the floorboards that were enlightened by the bright morning light, right before Rick stepped into the hallway, his hand holding a mug of coffee while he glanced still a little drowsy, but mostly confused at you.
“Morning”, you said, trying to let your voice sound as relaxed as possible while you could already feel Rick’s glance wandering skeptically over your face. “Morning…you’re here? Didn’t hear you coming in earlier”, he asked, taking a sip of his coffee while his glance didn’t leave your face as you could already feel more suspense and helplessness washing up in your body. “Yeah…I uh…I came in-”, the last words got stuck in your throat, realizing that even trying to lie would just make it all worse. And so you stood there, shifting uneasily from side to side, before you pushed yourself to say something. “I…well, I slept here last night…that’s why you didn’t hear me…I came in late”, you mumbled, feeling how your words got more quiet with each sentence while your glance escaped Rick’s and instead switched uneasily through the room. Seconds of almost unbearable and tension filled silence passed until you finally heard his boots shifting only a few inches over the wooden ground and eventually felt how his voice lead your glance back to his still slightly confused face. “Something happened? You-”, with that Rick cut himself off, the last word falling into the sound of a question as he gestured only slightly at you, seeming almost as helpless as you yourself. Each of those seconds were awkward as hell, and while Rick was one of the last people you wanted to discuss any problem regarding Negan and your relationship with, you were about 100% sure that he wasn’t wild to hear about your love life with his old enemy as well. But still, you had to answer this question. In some kinda fucking way. “I…we had-”, you stopped, swallowing hard as you inwardly cursed yourself for acting like a helpless lamb, “We had a fight,…that’s why.” Your voice was mumbled, uncomfortable to speak something negative out about the relationship as good as anybody you knew wanted to see fail, regardless of the fact that Rick was tolerating you by now. Your glance was only gradually falling back on Rick, testing his reaction as he only slowly began to nod, a wave of thoughts visibly washing through his head. “I guess I’ll go over to the infirmary, my shift starts in a bit”, you said, trying to get out of the uncomfortable tension while you could see the questions literally rattling through Rick’s brain, even though you could tell that he didn’t want to ask any of them, at least yet.
With a stressed breath falling from your lips you finally made your way out of the house, knowing that one question, when or if you would go back and spend the nights at the cell again, would come up at some point. You were like stuck in a bubble on your way to the infirmary, only half catching anything of what happened around you until the sound of the infirmary’s front door falling into its lock forced you to jump back into reality. Tossing your jacket over the backrest of one of the chairs you could feel yourself trying to suppress any new thoughts that wanted to push themselves through your skull and into your mind so you could focus on the work that was laying in front of you. Everything else seemed to fall apart, now that things at the infirmary had just yesterday seemed to get better after that one horrible day, you couldn’t get right back to it. You couldn’t fuck this up too.
Easier said than done.
Throughout the countless seeming hours you could feel your concentration trying to sneak away from you by any chance, trying to give thoughts about Negan and your fight a loophole to slip right back in. You were fighting it, were trying to be focused whenever anyone with complaints came in, tried to let the things Siddiq had taught you guide you, and for a while it worked and you could act like everything was fine. Until the moments in between came, when the whole house seemed quiet, when only the voices of the people outside sounded dully and almost inaudible through the walls, when you were completely alone. Alone with those damn thoughts. With all those questions that just piled up more and more. Asking yourself for the reasons. Asking if he actually thought those things about you. Asking if he simply fear made him think so. Asking if maybe your own behavior was the reason for Negan’s outlash. Hell, weren’t you showing him enough what he meant to you? Weren’t you loving enough? Were you giving him the feeling of just being something temporary even though you didn’t mean to? Were you- Fuck, this was eating you up, more and more thoughts and questions burned into your head, leaving a mark of pain as you tried to tame their flames and get them away from you. There could be thousands of reasons based on you, based on Negan himself or based on what the hell ever and you knew whatever it actually was, you wouldn’t find out for sure unless you would go back.
A shivering breath fell from your lips as you found yourself standing pondering in front of the counter’s drawers, slowly drifting out of your thoughts and glancing down at the bandages you had planned to sort in before the terror in your mind had taken you hostage again. “Fuck”, you just quietly exhaled, grabbing and rather tossing than laying one of the white bundles into the drawer before the creaking of the opening front door made your eyes shoot up. Within seconds they caught a blonde thatch and glaucous eyes that glanced at you, belonging to the very person who was intertwined in the mess of the last night. “Hey”, you just breathed out, a little surprised by his sudden visit as your eyes wandered over his face while he began to press a small smile into the corner’s of his lips. “Hey, just wanted to see how you’re doing”, Caleb said, stepping inside the room and closing the door with a small thud behind himself without breaking eye contact once, as if he wanted to check if you were about to tell him the truth or not. “At least better than last night”, you said, with a weak chuckle, trying to not poke too much into your boiling feelings, nor lie, simply because you knew he would notice. “Don’t you have a guard shift now?”, you asked trying to push a small smile on your lips, your fingers fumbling on one of the bandages and its soft fabric while you tried to not let any of those feeling or thoughts boil over again. “Nah, Miles got his one, I got a break till this evening…really need to catch up on some sleep later”, he said, trying to let a loosening chuckle fall from his lips as he walked a little closer until he leaned not more than a meter away from you against the wood of the counter, gulping as his eyes ran once more over your face. “As I said last night…you deserve better than that”, he eventually brought out, almost cautious as you turned your glance away from him and down to the bandage, feeling how you grew more tense with each of his words and with each you got closer to this conversation you really didn’t want to have. “(Y/N), he’s-”, he began, stopping as he saw your reluctancy before you let out a small breath and glanced back at him, seeing him clenching his jaw, almost as if he was growing more tense too. It took a few silent seconds until you could visibly see this tension being written all over his face before he huffed and glanced back at you. “Listen I don’t wanna make it harder for you, I just…I’m sorry for having to tell you that but some rose-colored glasses can sometimes blind people…he’s a monster and he’s not gonna change.” With those words slipping out of the mouth of the else so kind man a frown spread over your face, letting the blood in your veins freeze and the muscles in your face fall into rigidity. “He’s no monster”, it slipped out of your tense lips, feeling how you clenched your jaw and felt your body growing into a bigger mess. Fight or not, this wasn’t something you were gonna let anyone say about him.
You could sense Caleb growing more restless next to you as you broke of the eye contact and searched for unsuccessful help in this damn bandage again before your glance wandered back up to him, feeling how words pressed into your throat, urging to get out. “Weren’t you the one who told me that everyone deserves a second chance?”, even though your voice was tense, it was oddly calm, almost disappointed by the young man you saw in front of yourself, someone you had till now and last night seen as nothing but kind and open minded. “Almost everyone. His lieutenants, his people, the workers, yeah, they do too…but not people like him.” With each words that flew out of his mouth it just got worse, the temperature in your body seemed to sink even lower as you let out a shivering breath. “You don’t even know him”, it slipped out of your lips, hearing yourself sound like a dumb and naive little school girl, trying to convince her parents that her new crush wasn’t as much of a bad influence as he seemed to be to them. “I know enough to be sure”, Caleb mumbled a little too fast in response, his voice still calm while something odd, even urging swung within it.
“Then why did I deserve a second chance? Each one of us?”, you said after suspense filled moments of silence, glancing right into his eyes while your voice grew colder, “I’ve killed too, I’ve done things I don’t even wanna think about.” With that, some kind of switch seemed to go off in the blonde man in front of you, letting a deeper frown spread over his face while you could see the same stern glance you had seen last night in his eyes spreading out in them again. “He’s killed people with a baseball bat, he’s burned people’s faces as punishment, he put people in tiny cells, he let others work for him after killing one or more of their friends…he’s killed your friends- in front of you”, his voice grew restless, more desperate than stern by the time he finished, as if he his urge was to persuade you while you could feel your emotions boiling up, shutting out the fight and the anger you still had about Negan’s behavior and letting instead the protectiveness take its place, for now. “Do you know what Rick has done? He’s tortured men and killed even more without batting an eye. I’ve seen him rip a guy’s throat with his own teeth. This place-”, you said, feeling your breath grow quicker as you gestured with a small swift of your hand around,” He wanted to take it at the beginning, he wanted to push his sights onto people and if they wouldn’t accept them he planned to just slash their throats and take over.” For a moment, maybe not more than a second you paused, trying to get your emotions at least a little under control before the next words pressed out of your lips. “But he didn’t ‘cause he had people around him telling him what kinda shit he was about to do. Negan didn’t. He was alone from square one, he-”, your voice stopped abruptly as you found yourself falling into an endless lope of having to justify yourself and your relationship, over and over again since people knew what you had with Negan. A scoff feel from your lips, quiet, but still loud enough for Caleb to hear as you turned completely to the drawer and grabbed the bandage that had been your provisory stress ball for the last moments. “Why am I even doing this?”, you mumbled almost inaudible to yourself, already mad about yourself for feeling like you had to justify each and everything. “’Cause you’re madly in love with him”, you heard Caleb mumble after moments of silence, his voice low, restless and if you weren’t completely wrong, disappointed, “You’re still defending him.” You gulped as you felt his eyes darting at you, staying like glued on you until you slowly glanced up again and saw into his tension filled face. “That’s usually something real fine…”, he mumbled, letting out a small humorless chuckle before his eyes grew just a tiny bit softer as they captured yours ,”Just don’t want you to get all hurt when you really go back.” You just looked at him, unsure what to think, unsure how to estimate Caleb anymore before he let out a small sigh and softly pushed himself away from the wooden counter. “Think about it…sorry, for rilling you all up, wasn’t my intention. Actually that was the opposite of what I wanted to do…”, he said, the remorse audible in his voice while you knew that this was true, just as much as you knew that he had meant those things anyway. “Either way…I’ll see you around. If there’s anything…you know where to find me”, he finally said as you still hadn’t gotten yourself to answer just anything, ending up to just nod while a thick gulp travelled down your throat, uncertainty daubing your face before you glanced one last time at him before he looked away and eventually shut the door behind himself.
Alone again you felt yourself falling into a bubble once more, trying to fight off the terror your mind was throwing consistently at you and mixing with Caleb’s confusing behavior. And while you stayed in this bubble, it got more and more clear to you that you couldn’t go back to the cell this evening. You just weren’t ready for whatever the hell might wait for you and your future. And you didn’t come to this decision with ease. Your head was filled up with a deadly storm, nothing else and you knew that you had to still this storm before you walked back into the brownstones, if not completely, then at least as much as you could. So you stayed as long at the infirmary as you could, eating your dinner there in loneliness and hoping that Rick and Michonne would be already sleeping when you’d come back into the house. The awkwardness about the talk of this morning was still lingering in the back of your head and you weren’t ready to answer any of the questions they might have while you hadn’t an answer for them yourself. You didn’t know when you’d go back. You didn’t know what exactly was going on in Negan’s head. You didn’t know what would happen if you would talk to him. If you were honest, you didn’t know a fucking thing. And so the same procedure happened again. The night gave you as good as no sleep, instead letting you roll around over the sheets, toss your body into the mattress and the countless pillows for god knows how many times. And when those tactics eventually worked, they only did so for a small while and even this small while was filled with nightmares or the lightest sleep possible. The morning left you exhausted instead of refreshed, even though there was a small part of hope lingering within you, hoping you would find a solution within the next hours and a way to calm the storm that was fully whirling up again as soon as you felt the first sun beams dragging you completely out of the little bit of sleep it had given you. The words you shared with Michonne and Rick weren’t many, only a quick ‘see you’ when you left for work. And you thought about Negan. A lot. Not only about the fight or any of its reasons, even more about how he was feeling now, what he might be thinking about this all. You kept cursing yourself about it, mad that you were giving those ugly feelings so much space to slip in and try to eat you up. And just as much as you cursed yourself, you tried to focus on the work at the infirmary, trying to let it distract you instead of letting the thoughts distract you from your shift. And while this worked at least for the most part, something else didn’t. You didn’t find answers for your questions. You didn’t find a way to calm the storm. Instead you sometimes felt like they might even became worse. At the end of the day, you found yourself sitting by the table in the infirmary, with your elbows propped on the wooden surface, staring at the light of the small lamp and the beams that got reflected on the porcelain of the plate that stood in front of you. You hadn’t managed to eat much, just a few bites and you had to force yourself to somehow get them down your throat. You hated to admit it, but you were consistently on the edge to break out in tears, only the bubble you were stuck in keeping it from actually happening, even though you knew that it would burst earlier or later. You had no where to go, no one to talk to. You felt alone, so fucking alone.
The sky was already pitch black when you made your way finally down the road, only enlightened by some of the still functioning street lamps while the chilly breeze made you sling your jacket tighter around your body. Another shiver was running over your back as you spotted the brownstones from afar, standing tall over the other houses before the branchy crowns of the trees whose leaves had already fallen finally covered them. The thin diamond bracelet you got from Negan once was dangling from your wrist, pressing against your skin as you wrapped your arms tighter around your body, bringing him right back into your mind. You had stared way too often down at those tiny stones today, watching them blinking in the sunlight while you couldn’t even closely bring yourself to take it off, not even for the sake of maybe getting to still your thoughts. The cold was spreading all over your body when you finally got to the porch of Rick’s house, carefully stepping up the stairs before your eyes got drawn away from the cold and the bracelet that was still pressing into your skin. You had seen it before, of course you did, but there was a difference. Around the two blue handprints on the floorboards at the side of the porch were lines drawn, a saw laying right next to them as if they were just waiting for the sound to rise on the next morning to be cut out. He wouldn’t remove it, Rick would never do that, not to one of the very last things his son had left behind, instead your mind worked out as you were standing in the freezing cold that he must want to transfer is somewhere where it wasn’t exposed to nature’s caprices. The thought of what it did to Rick and even Michonne let a shudder down your spine, adding to the ones that were already cursing through your veins and letting some of the grief you yourself hadn’t even fully processed well up for a moment. With a heavy sigh and the feeling of the cold trying to engulf you once more you forced your glance off the handprints and finally got yourself towards the entrance, ready for yet another sleepless night.
Sweat was bedewing your skin when your eyes snapped open, heavy pants letting your chest rise and fall while the nightmare was already slipping out of your mind, leaving nothing but the terror it had put into your body behind. For moments you were stuck in a bubble of shock the terror had brought with itself before it slowly ebbed gradually down. The sheets were sticking uncomfortably to your skin as you rolled to your side, groaning quietly as your eyes caught the digits on the small clock. Still more than an hour till you had to get up and you knew that you couldn’t fall asleep again nor risk to get an even worse nightmare. Your heartbeat still hadn’t fully calmed down as you buried your face into the pillows, trying in some way to get comfortable in their middle for just as long as you could.
You could bear another half hour, not more, until your racing thoughts urged you to distract yourself from them and the nightmare, which even though you couldn’t fully remember, had to have been about Negan. Freshly showered and slipped into new clothes for the day you got down the stairs, trying to let the bright sun light that was streaming softly through the windows light up your mood. The floorboards were creaking softly beneath your shoes as you walked down the hallway, slipping your arms through the sleeves of your jacket, ready to step out of the infirmary before a familiar voice stopped your steps. ”(Y/N)? You got a sec?” You turned around, looking into a pair of blue eyes that belonged to the man glancing at you as he slowly made his way out of the kitchen. “Just wanted to ask you something’”, he said, his voice careful as he let out a little sigh, seeming to struggle slightly with himself, “Just need to know if you’re gonna go back to, y’know…the cell.” He stopped for a moment, catching the glance in your eyes before he slowly shook his head, “Nothing to do with you, Siddiq just called, the baby can come any moment now…and he made me remember something…you’ve been taking care of his wounds and you’re the only one right now he thought to handle those injuries. Having him catch some infection with that would be the last thing I needed…we’re still stocking the supplies for the infirmary up.” A sigh left his lips as his wandering glance got back to your eyes, seeing the bit of guilt for asking you swaying within them before some memories that suddenly blinked up in your mind made tension that had just waited for its chance to build up vanish. ”It’s not gonna be a big problem…I deposed a small storage there just a week ago…just so I wouldn’t have to take the stuff with me every evening”, you said, remembering cursing yourself out way too often for having to turn around half way to the cell because you forgot some new bandaid, before you finally decided to just built up this small stock, no matter if Negan’s old guard was at first for whatever reason doubtful about it. ”I only used the bandaids anymore, not because the wound still needs it, just for safety…he sometimes even did it himself”, you mumbled, feeling your heart twinge by his mention before the devil on your shoulder teased you by remembering that you hadn’t answered the first question, nor that this storage solution could be something long term, used up was used up. “I…I’ll go back there. Just don’t know when exactly…”, you mumbled, partly embarrassed by yourself for having such a big fight with yourself going on you that didn’t seem to be able to calm, instead, you felt like a complete idiot who was procrasting this even though it got worse with each hour. “Okay, good to know-” “Daddy!”, Judith’s soft voice ripped him away from you, letting him glance back into the kitchen for a short moment as he turned on his heels. “I’m right back, Sweetie”, he said, his voice softer and calming towards his daughter in the next room before his glance wandered back to you. “Alright, gotta take care of Judith’s breakfast now. I’ll see you around?”, he asked, already half way on his path to the kitchen before his blue orbs glanced once more towards you. “Yeah”, you said, forcing a tiny smile into the corners of your lips before Rick vanished completely in the kitchen. And with that, you made your way out of the house too, finding your way to the infirmary while the next hours felt like they were passing as slowly as days, dragged into an unbearable length while you knew that this wasn’t something you could keep doing for much longer.
Third Day. Third Fucking Day. Both yesterday and the day before around this time, he had already been sitting just like this on this shit bed, staring repeatedly from the windows to the small digital clock next to the stone wall, watching the digits turn with every second, every minute, every hour. What had formerly been a help for her to know when she needed to leave for her shifts was now almost like a torture device for him, letting him watch the changing digits while he was trying to figure out if the time had arrived yet she usually got over to the cell. She hadn’t come, just like the little devil on his shoulder had told him from the very beginning. Still, there had been some hope in him that she would suddenly appear in front of those cold metal bars and come in to him. Now, even more of this hope was gone, if he was honest, as good as everything. She wouldn’t come back. His usual large confidence seemed to have disappeared along with his hope and instead he was worrying that he wouldn’t even be able to talk to her again, explain himself to her. But fuck, maybe he didn’t even deserve that. After all, and this had become clearer than ever before in the last lonely days, he was the reason for all her worry. The reason she had problems with those fuckers outside and her asshat brother, the reason she had to deal with all this crap. Hell, she was better off without him. Right? Even though this thought was striking his mind over and over again, it was knotted to a biting pain, caused by the thought that there would be someone else instead. This someone who was probably standing in these fucking moments in front of this fucking house, playing pocket ball with one hand and swinging those fucking tiny silver keys to his cell with the other. He hadn’t even seen that asshole since the incident, the meals were brought by some other guard, probably, and that was the only thing he saw positively in this, he had been able to scare the living shit out of that asshat. But when he wasn’t the one bringing him food, hell knew if he was actually still standing in front of that house, maybe this damn fucker was already out there, sleazing up to her. Talking to her. Charming the damn fucking pants off her. Touching her- “Fuck”, Negan growled out through gritted teeth, kicking any against the stone beneath him, letting the cement brush harshly against the bare soles of his feet while his mind began to work flat out again by the thoughts this fucker had whirled up, all along with the longing to have her back he couldn’t fight, no matter what the devil on his shoulder was telling him. Before this crap fight he’d worried about the things he wasn’t able to give her anymore since he was stuck in this hell hole and now, now these things were far off right now, more out of reach than ever. Now he’d just like to have her right there with him. Have the things he had just days ago. Feel her body writhing in pleasure beneath him, see her face twisting in the lust he was pumping into her, hear her soft moans vibrating against his skin, feel her fingertips digging into it, feel her hands running down his back and her lips brushing over his skin until they got caught by his once more. But not just that, fucking was great, no question and with her it was the most mind blowing and nut busting shit he’d ever experienced, but it wasn’t the only thing, not by far. Fuck, just seeing her looking with those sleepy eyes at him before she huddled up to him and nuzzled her face into his neck, feel her fingers smoothing his hair back and running softly through it, sense the way she felt within his arms and cuddled up to his chest, hear her laugh echoing through this cell or simply just her voice, see the way her lips curled up when he got to make her smile. He’d give fucking everything to have that right now. Yep, he might was about to turn into a sappy fucker right there, he was aware of that, but he didn’t care, he didn’t give a single fuck about that right now if he was honest. The shivering breath that left his lips shook through his whole body, letting him flinch as soon as he suddenly heard the creaking of the door upstairs and the sound of footsteps coming down the cements stairs. For the split of a second he hoped it was her, even though reality caught him quickly and forced him to realize that it couldn’t be her. She never came down alone, always had a guard with her to get the door open. But it wasn’t time for his next meal yet, so who the fuck was coming to pay him visit? That Caleb fucker? Was he scraping up the last bit of the gut he had in his tiny balls to come here and taunt him? A growl elicited Negan’s throat only by the thought, his eyes were wandering from the gray ground up until they met the metal bars, ready to glare at the blonde man he expected to appear behind them. But the man who appeared wasn’t blonde, hell, that fucker behind the bars there was giving this shit situation the biggest plot twist Negan have had in a while. ”Now would you look at that”, he mumbled, the corners of his lips curling up into a dangerous grin as his eyes gored through the door, “Ricky’s here.”
“Come on, where are you?”, you grumbled, your fingers slipping through the small packages of salves, trying to find the one you could have sworn to have dropped it in there earlier, but which had now vanished into thin air. With an annoyed grunt you pushed the drawer back into the counter, hearing the dull thud echoing through the empty infirmary. Your fingers were still lingering on the handle, pondering if you should open it again and search for it once more, or simply move on and take care of it later, when you weren’t all tense. Within seconds you decided for the later, knowing that the salve was probably in there but your stiff glance wasn’t allowing you to see it. With another huff you moved to the side, your steps creaking over the floorboards as you were suddenly feeling a tugging on your wrist that only lasted seconds, enough to spend confusion out in you, too much for the bracelet on your wrist to take. A twinging sound echoed through the room as it snapped, rushing with a painful sting against your wrist before the sound of each of the tiny diamonds meeting the wooden floor resounded and let a sudden rush of panic wash through your body. ”Fuck!”, you gasped out, freezing cold and boiling heat mixing within you as you stared in horror at the snapped string and the stones which spread out all over the ground ,”No, no, no, no….” You fell to your knees, feeling them hitting the floor the moment a lump began to form in your throat as your hands were already rushing to the diamonds, trying to catch them all in your hands, trying to tell yourself that you could fix it. ”Shit…”, you panted, your voice filled with panic as reality sneaked up more and more, showing you the destroyed bracelet and showing you even more how small the chance was that you could ever fix it. This couldn’t be real now, right? This was just a nightmare, right? No, this was true, all of it. Out of all days, all moments, Negan’s gift had to go bust just now, leaving you with an ugly feeling mixed from distress and stinging pain. You didn’t want to believe in such stupid signs but right now, as you sat there in front of the broken string and the diamonds, it felt like this was just putting more weight onto your fears. And it wasn’t just this unfortunate moment, you had this bracelet for so long now, since the time you began to truly recognize that there was clearly something deeper developing between the both of you. And with this realization, the bubble around you began to slowly burst. You missed him, fuck, you missed him so damn much. And just as much as you missed him, you ached to get an answer to your questions. But there was this goddamn fear holding you back, the devil dancing on your shoulder, whispering into your ear that you might not like the answer to those questions or worse, that the answer could mean the end. Maybe you were exaggerating things, maybe not. But if you were, then just because you were dead afraid to lose him. A sudden shudder that shook through your body shot tears in your eyes, the bubble bursting more with each passing second while the lump in your throat grew to an unbearable size. It was pushing those tears further, further until you felt a whimper leaving your lips as the first of them rolled down your cheeks and turned your vision into a blurry mess. For a moment, you forgot everything around you, the infirmary, the possibility that anyone could come in just now, the only thing on your mind was a wild mix of all the emotions you had tried to suppress. You had known from the beginning that they would act up earlier or later, that it would be even worse then, but any other way hadn’t seemed much better. More and more tears streamed down your cheeks, stirring up a bigger mess in your head until you found yourself leaning with your back against the counter, staring at the string and the diamonds in your hands you had somehow managed to scrape up from the floor. “Fuck this…”, you mumbled, not forceful or harsh as one would expect those words to sound, but rather broken and weak. Why couldn’t things be easy for once for the both of you? First there was the war, then this damn cell. Why couldn’t you just have it as easy as other couples even in this mess of a world? Why?
You knew you couldn’t sit there forever, earlier or later someone would come in and you couldn’t afford anyone to see you this way, this hurt and with from tears swollen eyes. A huff left your trembling lips, the rest of the tears running in between, letting you taste their saltiness as you clasped the string and the diamonds closer and heft yourself slowly up. With small thuds you let the purport in your hands fall onto the counter, still hoping that you were able to somehow fix it even though you deep down knew that you probably couldn’t. Brushing your fingers over your heated skin, you got rid of the tears daubing your skin, scoffing about yourself in annoyance. What the hell were you doing? “(Y/N)? Sorry, I-”, you suddenly heard a familiar voice say, careful and quiet, but enough to let you flich in shock up, confused that you had been sunken that deeply into your thoughts that you hadn’t heard him coming in. Your glance darted at the man at the door, looking right into his eyes that stared back at you. One was clear again, healthy probably, the other opaque, almost as if it had turned blind. His hands were stroking uneasily over his tidy black pants, fitting perfectly to the rest of his priest outfit while you were still frozen your mind only slowly coming back to do its job. You had completely forgot about it in all this, he was here to get his meds. You could still remember the messily written notes of Siddiq about his regular patients, could remember your shudder that had run down your back when you had seen Gabriel’s name and now, now it was his turn to get a new stock. “Are you okay?”, he asked cautiously, glancing at you as you realized that your eyes must be red rimmed, giving away the fact that you had spent the last while crying instead of working. ”Yeah”, you mumbled a little too quick, stroking once more over your cheeks, hoping to get the very last tears off your skin before you let a huff out as soon as you saw his glance, “Sorry, I’m being completely unprofessional right now…shouldn’t mix this here with other stuff…I’ll get you your meds in a sec” Your glance was trailing off until it got stuck on the remains of the bracelet again, embarrassed of what you were presenting him. ”Don’t worry, I can understand you.” With that you glanced back up, surprised by his words before you caught him walking a little closer and nodding towards the broken bracelet. ”Someone gave it to you?”, he asked, his voice still careful as a shivering breath fell from your lips while you slowly began to nod, trying to figure out what to do next. ”It was him, wasn’t it?”, he added, gulping softly before he shrugged his shoulders slightly as soon as your eyes met his again, ”Never saw you wearing it before he…took you. Just assumed it.” You just nodded again, still surprised by his interest in your feelings after all. ”Something happened?”, he asked calmly, walking once more a bit closer while a bittersweet chuckle left your lips, mixed with a good ounce of insecurity. ”I don’t think you wanna hear me whining about my problems with Negan…after everything.” ”If it helps you, I don’t mind. That’s somehow what’s my job around here, isn’t it?”, he said, surprising you once more while a small, supportive smile grew on his lips as soon as he saw this certain surprise written over your face. ”Take it as a talk to a friend, or maybe, if you want to, as confession.” ”Why would you want to do that for me?”, you asked, your voice was soft as your eyes were roaming over his face, trying to find answers. ”I know you tried to help me when I was at the Sanctuary, so I’m just giving back…and I do think you deserve to be treated better than a lot of the people around here do”, he said, his glance reassuring as you eyed him, still unsure of the situation. “You don’t have to, of course. I just know that it often frees and maybe, maybe I can help”, he added and while you knew he was right, this still wasn’t easy for you, not at all. Hell, Negan was the only one you were letting you see this vulnerable. But an urge in you pushed you, especially the small bit of hope that was still lingering within you. There should have been alarm bells going on in your head to begin with, trusting someone with this kind of information, but you did so with Gabriel. Not because your bond was particularly close, but because he took his job or rather his beliefs in doing-better serious. He wasn’t gonna tell anybody about this talk. So finally, after a few silent moments you began to softly but still reluctantly nod. “We…well, we had a fight…”, you began, still unsure how to start and handle this conversation while you could feel your emotions urging you to continue, somehow. And you did. You told him about it, the fight and your reasons to not go back there yet, not everything, nothing too detailed, but enough for him to understand what your problem was. And while you were at it, you could feel the feelings within you boiling up again that were still just too easy to rile after the breaking of Negan’s gift. You found yourself holding new tears back, cursing yourself inwardly while a shivering sigh fell from your lips as soon as your voice came to a stop for a second and you caught him still listening carefully to you.
”On the day of the last battle…I know he spared me because of you”, he finally said after a small while of silence, the mentioning of this day enough to get your full attention, ”I know I sat there on this grass instead of in front of his gun because of you. And I know he didn’t try to shoot them right away and gave them a chance instead because of you. Not only because you may have said something or not. It was his decision in the end, obviously. But people like him, to come to this kind of decision…he must really feel something deep for you.” You glanced at him, feeling how there was a tiny warmth somewhere inside you, poking softly, almost not enough to be noticeable , through the thick layers of distress. ”And trust me, before the day in this trailer with the dead around us…I doubted he still had feelings left at all”, Gabriel mumbled, his voice still calm and reassuring but there was a serious glance stuck in his eyes. He sighed quietly, breaking eye contact with you for a moment to let his glance wander to the ground for a moment, as if he was struggling slightly with what was coming next. ”People can get better…or maybe come back from what this world has done to them, leading them on a wrong path…I shouldn’t judge, not after the things I’ve done, so…”, he said, his eyes meeting yours again as a small gulp traveled down his throat, ”I don’t know if you noticed it or not, but I think you’re the one doing this to him.” The lingering warmth in you began to grow slowly, poking a little stronger through the heavy layers hiding it before Gabriel took a deeper breath and glanced once more into your eyes. ”And it seemed like he was doing this in some way to you too. You seemed very happy with him back at the Sanctuary, despite everything. Now…it’s not easy for me to speak in his favor after everything that has happened, but I am rather doing this for you and for my beliefs now”, he continued, his voice becoming a bit firmer as if he was trying to reassure himself in this, but for some reason, especially the fact that he was doing it despite of the past situation, made you already believe a little more into what he was about to say. ”I’m sure he hasn’t assumed those things because he thinks little of you or there’s anything wrong between you…I think he is simply dead scared to lose you”, he finally said, his voice still a little reluctant at the last words but even more calm and, what mattered the most, genuine. You could feel the warmth finally breaking through the layers, speaking to the part in you the devil on your shoulder hadn’t managed to suppress yet. ”So if you go back, I think the only way it gonna go is into a better direction”, he added, sighing quietly as he leaned himself only softly against the counter, placing his hand on the wood while his eyes wandered for seconds through the room before they found you again, “Take this advice or leave it, but I think else you wouldn’t stop torturing yourself. I do think we both actually know that you should do it.” Slowly, you began to nod. He was right, of course he was and if you were honest, you had known it from the beginning, you had just needed someone to spell it out. Still, the idea of it was giving the fear in you something to feed on even though the growing warmth was fighting it more with each passing second. “So will you?”, he carefully asked, as you glanced down at your hands, reluctant for a moment as you realized how bizarre this whole situation with Gabriel actually was, even though you weren’t gonna lie and say it hadn’t worked for you. “Yeah…”, you finally mumbled, glancing up to him as you took a breath and nodded softly, “I think…I think I’ll go there after my shift.” As soon as you had said those words, you found yourself a little astounded by them, as if this wasn’t real, just some dream you were having in your sleep but after a few more seconds, the tenseness about what you were actually gonna do showed you quickly that this way very much real. One more time you glanced at the priest, found his healthy eye following your movements bereft he smiled slightly and gave you a soft nod. “Thank you”, you mumbled, giving him a smile back as he shook his head slightly. “There’s no need to thank me for that.” “It is, I’m not sure if there’s anyone else out there who’d do it too”, you said, the smile still lingering on your lips even though there was a small sting of pain anytime you talked or just thought of the fact that your relationships with each person who had once been a close friend was either destroyed or was only slowly building up again. “And now I’ll get you your meds”, you finally said, ripping yourself out of the odd but helpful situation this talk had brought you in, with the result that turned from being only words into reality not more than a half hour later.
The wind was biting into your skin, sending chilly and uneasy shivers down your spine as you found yourself walking towards the brownstones, while from the pocket of your jacket, the remains of your bracelet tinkled softly within the plastic bag you had carefully pushed them in. When you had first left the infirmary, your steps had been slow, the warmth still fighting with the fear for a win until it got the apprehend and let you walk faster. You missed him and you wanted to settle this, so why the hell make things even harder by overthinking this over and over again? A heavy breath fell from your lips as you got closer, passed the last houses until you caught Caleb sitting on a chair in front of the entrance whose eyes were finding yours the moment you stepped closer.
”Can you get me down?”, you asked as soon as he was in earshot, seeing his glance narrowing slightly as a gulp travelled down his throat. ”You sure you really wanna do this?”, he asked, hefting himself off the chair. ”Yes.” ”I don’t understand you…”, he mumbled, his eyes wandering over your face, seemingly trying to find an answer before he let a huff out and nodded inside. ”But Rick’s already down there-” “Rick?”, it slipped out of your lips in surprise, your brows staying puckered as you glanced at the blonde man. “Yeah, wants to talk to him or something….anyway, he’s got a key too”, Caleb mumbled, obviously not liking your intend even though you found yourself caring little to not at all for it. Whatever was going on in his head, and if Negan had been actually right with his interest in you, it didn’t matter. ”Okay”, you only said scantly and with a small nod, before moving past him inside the house.
You were still wondering about Rick’s visit as you found yourself making your way through the house, walking the path you had walked countless times before while trying to keep the suspense in your body as low as possible. Finally, you got to the last door before the stairs begun and opened it softly while already voices from downstairs began to echo through to you. At first, you only heard Rick’s voice saying something you weren’t understand as you shut the door behind yourself once more, but as then, the familiar deep voice you had missed that much spoke up, your full attention was right there, leaving you unable to move for seconds.
”C’mon Rick, I won’t turn into some fucking sappy whiney fucker with ya, I just wanna know how she’s doing…and after I had to listen to your damn fucking corny daydream future shit monologue, I think I really fucking deserve that.”
The warmth in you grew more, even enough to let a soft smile grow on your lips while it decided for you to keep staying at the beginning of the stairs for just now instead of interrupting them.
”If I’m telling you this, be sure I’m not doing that for you.”
”Well shit, Rick, I fucking know. Now I don’t know what wires in your head aren’t doing their job right now but I’m not fucking joking here.”
”I don’t know how much I need to tell you more”, a deep huff echoed from the cell through to you, seconds of silence passing before your heart began to flutter once more by his next words ,”I miss her. There you got it. I’m not even shitless scared to admit that but do what ya gotta do to use that against me. Hell, I don’t even fucking mind anymore.”
”Just tell me how she is”, he added as you felt this warmth taking you completely in, telling you that this decision to come back today had been right.
”Don’t know what you did to her but it hit her good. Don’t think she’s getting much sleep…has been pretty much throwing herself into the infirmary. I barely see her”, Rick’s voice was grumbling and quieter than Negan’s even as he let out another scoff, ”And that’s it, I’m not your message boy, Negan.”
“I’m the one in charge, not you. You’re no leader anymore, you’re a prisoner who’s rotting in this cell. You should get used to that”, with that you heard the screeching of a chair being dragged over the floor, reminding you that it was time for you to stop listening to them without their knowledge, especially because this talk seemed to be over now for at least one of them.
“Well, then is this thing here going to be some kinda weekly shit? Like some damn newspaper about what shit I’m missing out?”, Negan asked with a huff, as you heard Rick’s footsteps sounding over the cement floor. “We’ll see”, you heard him mumble just as you gave yourself the last push and stepped down the stairs into a sudden and complete silence before Rick’s blue eyes caught yours. “Can you open the cell for me?”, you asked, feeling how your feet hit the ground after the last step and a testing glance of Rick’s before he slowly nodded. The cement floor scrunched beneath the soles of your boots as you finally did your last steps until you stood before the cell’s door and glanced inside.
There he was, his hazel eyes darting at you in utter surprise, dark circles stuck beneath them as if he had slept just as little as you had. Slowly, they were softening as the seconds passed while his lips were gaping slightly open, his whole body stuck in rigidity. The sound of the key sliding into the lock echoed through the dead calm cell in the very moment his face muscles began to become just a little less tense and allowed the corners of his lips to curl softly up as he spoke. “You came back.”
“Come on, tell big ol’ Negan where the fuckin’ shoe pinches”, Negan drawled, propping his elbows onto the wooden surface of the kitchen table to get a little closer to you and allow his hazel eyes to lock with yours. But instead of keeping them locked you glanced back down to poke some more in your lunch while he you heard him letting out a small but deep sigh. “It’s just a bit much right now…everything”, you mumbled, clenching your jaw uncomfortably as you tried to pack your feelings and thoughts into words without revealing too much yet. “What? The shifts? Sweetheart, I already told you I can take some more off of you”, he said, his voice turning a little softer, even concerned as exhaled tightly and looked up at him, shaking your head slightly. “That was great with that one shift, and I’m really thankful for that but I can’t do this on a regular basis…when I get a special treatment each and every time I’ll stir something up and I don’t want that. I don’t wanna lose the other’s respect or even become some kinda underdog because of that”, you mumbled, spinning your fork uneasily between your fingers as if it would be the answer to each and every of your problems. “They wouldn’t fucking disrespect you, not if I-”, Negan began, stern and with protectiveness swinging through his voice before you stopped him right there. “Negan”, you said, glancing up and capturing his eyes at you cut him off, knowing too well that his intervening would make it all just worse. Another deep sigh fell from his lips as he clenched his jaw and puckered his brows slightly, pondering before his eyes met yours again. “Alright…I get that. but either way, I got the damn feeling you’re not telling me everything that’s buzzing through your pretty head”, he said, his glance intensifying as soon as it had your eyes on lock, refusing to let them go. You shifted uneasily over your chair, attempting to use your food once more to distract yourself from the situation while you exactly knew that he was right and even more, that he wouldn’t stop until he had pushed all concerns out of sight. So yes, there was something more but you couldn’t tell him, hell, you’d make a fool out of yourself and turn this all into a huge embarrassment, maybe even change things between the both of you. You were growing closer, but not that close yet to ask for something you had immediately thought of the moment he had asked. It was simple, yet complicated as hell. And this thing was nothing else than a hug. A simple but proper hug. You couldn’t remember the last time you had one, it had probably been years and each time you thought of this long time a quote you had heard some time before the world went to shit ghosted through your head: “We need 4 hugs a day for survival. We need 8 hugs a day for maintenance. We need 12 hugs a day for growth.” According to that, you’d be stone dead. You damned yourself often enough for even thinking about it, in a world such as the one you were forced to live in, hugs weren’t or shouldn’t really be within the top priorities on the list. Either way, you couldn’t deny that you were in deep need for one, especially with the stress you found yourself stuck in. You just craved to feel safe and all comfortable for once in this whole mess and the person who could give you this was right in front of you, but you’d do hell to ask him. Fuck no, you weren’t gonna do that, no matter how much something in you wanted to let your guards down for once in his strong arms. “So what is it?”, Negan asked, urging a little more while curiosity and worry mixed in his words as he reached over to you, taking the fork out of your fingers and laying it down next to the bowl, stealing your distraction and forcing you to finally look consistently into his concerned eyes, “I’m serious, Sweetheart.” A tight exhale fell from his lips as you stayed reluctant, not knowing what to do now. You couldn’t lie, Negan would be able to tell within the matter of milliseconds. “Listen if you don’t wanna talk, I’ll respect this shit. Just got the feeling you’re holding something back that really wants to get the fuck out”, he said, keeping your eyes locked as a shudder ran down your back, making your mind work flat out. “Like I said…it’s just a lot and I just-”, you stopped, finding yourself struggling horribly, “I could-” You sighed, letting your glance wander through the room, trying to find some hold on the beige paint on the walls or the wooden shelfs before your eyes fell back on Negan’s, knowing that you couldn’t get out of this anymore. “I…don’t laugh at me or something…I just- in this here…I could use a hug”, you mumbled, your voice becoming quieter with each word until your glance fell embarrassed to the wooden table plate. “You’re kidding me? Why the hell should I laugh at you for that”, he said with a soft chuckle, letting your heart that had already dropped by the first few words rise up again. Suddenly, the creaking of a pushed back chair sounded over the wooden floor boards, guiding your glance back up and letting it fall on Negan, who rounded the small table until he stood shortly in front of you. “Alright, Baby. If you want, well damn, I’m right here”, he chuckled, letting your lips gap open in surprise as you glanced up at him and looked into his brightly shining eyes and the pearly whites he flashed with his wide but softer turning grin. “You don’t have to-” “Well, what if I fucking want to, Sweetheart”, he chuckled, opening his arms a little while his eyes roamed over your face. “I’m not only the damn king of fucking, I give great ass hugs too – even though I gotta say I got a little damn rusty in this, haven’t done this in a long ass while too…anyway, now you wanna get in here or nah?”, Negan’s deep voice drawled, sending pleasant and excited but at the same time nervous shivers through your body before you found your body taking over your mind as you stood up and felt Negan’s hands reaching out to your waist, spreading goosebumps all over your body as soon as you felt his touch. Seconds later his strong arms wrapped around you as yours slung around his torso, letting him pull you flush against his firm chest before his warmth and musky scent surrounded you. The soft leather pressed blissfully against your skin as you leaned your face first cautiously against his shoulder, before feeling yourself growing a little more confident as you felt him pulling you closer, allowing yourself to slowly nuzzle your nose into the warm skin of his neck. A deep hum rumbled through his chest and up his throat, letting it vibrate softly against your body as he leaned his head against yours while your emotions seemed to dance wildly within you, as if they got finally released after an ice age of frozen still stand. You could feel yourself loosening more up with each second, melting into his tall frame as if he was the perfect fit for yours while the excited and nervous emotions slowly ebbed down and allowed the comfortable, safe and peaceful ones to show their faces. A whole different kind of warmth began to spread out in you, began to stream through your veins and flow into each and every of your cells as he cradled you against his chest, with each time his warm breath brushed over your skin and with the way he had his arms wrapped around you just as if they built a wall of safety that allowed you to finally let your guards down. A content and freeing breath fell from your lips as you found yourself stuck in a beautiful trance, not fully realizing yet that you were hugging the big bad wolf of the sanctuary. You could feel one of his hands beginning to caress your back, moving just a tiny bit up and down, brushing his rough fingertips over fabric of your shirt while he slowly let his head drop down to your shoulder, holding you even closer than before. The suspense you had felt prior was flowing out of your body with each second you spent in his embrace, with each bit he cradled and caressed you, showing a side of him you hadn’t fully seen and discovered yet, a side he maybe had forgotten about all these years as well. Slowly, you drifted more and more into the beautiful and peaceful trance, losing yourself more in him while you could feel his body melting closer against yours, as if the very same thing was happening to him as well. Feeling how your lips curled into a content smile against his skin your mind made one last act before letting your emotions fully take over, whispering softly that the big, strong and though man who was holding you so tightly in these moments certainly needed this hug and your closeness just as much as you needed his.
Summary: Locked up and alone with his terrorizing thoughts, Negan’s jealousy and fears of loss get even worse as they’re provoked by another nerve-wracking encounter which eventually lets a promising night with the reader turn into the horrible opposite.
Warning: tiny hint of smut, Negan being jealous as hell (and a bit from Negan’s pov again!)
Slowly, you began to drift out of your sleep, first sensing the warmth that was surrounding you, a comfortable and soothing warmth that was building another, a fuzzy and blithe one within your own body. Shifting softly, your eyes began to flutter slightly until they were half open, glimpsing at the bright sun rays that were already enlightening the cell. For a moment, you stayed still before you could feel his arms tightening carefully around you as you cuddled a little closer. A sleepy hum was leaving your lips as the warmth surrounding you got stronger while you nuzzled your nose into the comfort of his neck, pressing a soft kiss to his skin. Gradually, you began to drift more out of your sleep, step by step until you finally got fully back to consciousness and began to feel that there was something hiding beneath this warmth that let it suddenly feel different than every other morning. It was tension that was coming more and more forth out of its hideout, a tension that was usually only stuck in his body when a nightmare had haunted him in his sleep. Confused and still stuck in the drowsy shroud the past sleep had left on you you shifted slightly, raising your head sleepily from his shoulder until your eyes could glance at Negan, look into his hazel eyes that were surrounded by a certain darkness even though their soft orbs got enlightened by the morning sun. “Mornin’, Baby”, he mumbled, his voice was soft as he spoke those two words, completely contrary to his eyes that were backstabbing him in the attempt to keep the mask up his deep and soothing voice was trying to build. His drawl hushed as your eyes wandered over his face, over each of his handsome features, trying to find out if there was actually something bothering him or if your sleepy self was just hallucinating. There was no way he’s had much sleep in the last night, his eyes were yearning for rest while the dark circles beneath them were underlining each of the minutes that had been stolen from him in the past night. His lips were falling into the form of a thin line as soon as his words hushed and were letting the rest of his facial muscles align with it, creating a mine on his face that not only let the confusion grow but formed a bigger concern as well. “Morning”, you mumbled back, your voice a little croaky from the sleep as you gulped slightly, “Everything okay?…Did you have a nightmare or something?” Your voice was a bit quieter than before as your eyes kept being captured by his as they still caught the muscles in his cheek twitching as he clenched his jaw. Slowly, he began to shake his head, creating with each movement more confusion until he finally spoke up. “No, I’m fine…just didn’t catch much sleep”, he grumbled, attempting to pull you a little closer and caress your waist with his large hand as if he wanted to soothe your concern. But he couldn’t, the glance in his eyes and the suspense in his body were too revealing for you to believe him right of the bat and it didn’t take more than another glance of yours for him to realize his failed attempt. With a deep sigh, his eyes wandered for a second through the room, as if he was pondering about what to tell you until they met your glance again, “-And Rick the prick had the fucking glorious idea to change up the guard.” With puckered brows and a questioning glance in your eyes you looked at him, still confused as he let out a humorless chuckle and shook his head slightly again, reluctant to continue at first. “Negan, what’s wrong?…Who’s the new guard?”, you asked, careful and with the drowsiness stuck in your voice as he let out a small sigh, as if he was trying to hold something in himself back as his eyes wandered to the high windows of the cell. Before you could hear his voice echoing through the cell again, it got replaced by the sound of dull footsteps that made their way down the stairs, letting the mine on Negan’s face harden with each step the unknown guard was traveling further south. Your confused glance switched from Negan’s tensed face towards the cell door, trying to catch the moment the reason for Negan’s behavior would be revealed. For a moment, you expected Tara or Rosita to step in front of the metal bars, see their dark hair and dun eyes piercing through the door but no, you saw neither of them. Instead there was an ash blonde thatch peaking through the gaps and glaucous eyes staring right at you, belonging to the figure of a man that let anything Negan’s voice and face had displayed make sense within seconds. Caleb kept looking at you for seconds, provoking Negan’s arm to tighten around your waist a little more with each of it while your eyes stayed on your friend for a couple of seconds, “Morning”, Caleb mumbled, giving you a quick nod while your surprised glance was still stuck to Negan’s new guard and the realization that this change would just throw more logs into the fire of jealousy that burned deeply within Negan, no matter how unfounded this jealousy actually was. He had tamed it last night for your sake, but now that Caleb was right here, right there to let it flame up again, it was just a question of time for how long he would be able to keep it low. “Just here to make sure you’re up…guess you can already tell that quite a bit changed”, Caleb said, shifting slightly but visibly uncomfortable over the cement ground, “Like Eden said yesterday, they’re pulling a bunch of people off to work at the construction for the windmill till everything’s settled, so for now…well for now I’m taking some shifts over here.” His eyes were on you, almost as if he was intentionally avoiding to meet Negan’s glance while you were still captured in a bit of a shock stare, trying to process what was happening before Caleb gave you a little insecure but still friendly smile. “Well then, I’ll see you in about twenty, if I’m not down here by then, just take the walkie to call”, Caleb said, nodding towards the small device by the cell’s door while the man by your side was shuffling up into the pillows and leaning himself against the cold stone wall as if it was giving him a more dominant position. “Alright, thanks”, you said with a small nod, feeling how Negan was growing more restless next to you as he was staying unusual quiet even though you could tell by the way his jaw clenched and his throat cleared slightly that there was a big urge in him pushing him to make a venomous remark. It only took seconds for Caleb to give you a confirming nod and another glance before he vanished up the stairs again and the glimpse you could catch of Negan from the corners of your eyes, that was just enough for him to not earn this certain remark. A harsh gulp travelled down your throat as the last one of Caleb’s steps echoed through the room, right before the dull thud of the door crashing into its lock upstairs catapulted you back into reality, pushing you to realize and process that you weren’t dreaming any of this. “He was down here before, when you were still sleeping”, Negan grumbled, leading your glance back to his face that was even more tense than before while you could tell by the way his jaw clenched and the muscles in his cheeks twitched that he was trying to hold himself back after your conversation of the last night. A sigh was leaving your lips as your mind was working flat out, trying to push the left drowsiness aside to handle the situation as well as you could, or without making it worse by bubbling some nonsense. “I know this is a weird coincidence….but it really doesn’t matter after all, right? Like I said, if he is anything to me than just a friend…and even though I’m pretty sure that’s mutual, anything else doesn’t matter anyway”, you mumbled, trying to keep your voice as calm and soothing as you could before you pushed a small smile into the corners of your lips, hoping Negan’s stare that was still darting at the cold stone would soon fall on you again. “Only thing I know is that I got a little less than twenty minutes with you left and I’d really like to spend them napping a little more with you…especially because it looks like you could use some more sleep too”, you said, putting a little tease in your voce as your hand caressed softly over his shirt, finally getting his attention as his face softened a bit and turned towards you. There was still tension written all over it, and you could tell that he would have loved to just fall into a rant or even give Caleb himself a proper talking-to, but still there seemed to be something in him pulling him by the last strings that were left. “How does that sound, huh? And tonight…if you’re fit enough again, we can do the other kind of napping”, you softly chuckled, finally provoking an all too familiar grin to pull the corners of Negan’s lips softly up and let his hazel eyes meet yours again. “You can bet your ass on that I could do that right now and here too”, he grumbled but still with that small grin on his lips, as if the devil and the angel on his shoulders were fighting for his attention. “Oh I know”, you softly laughed, your palm still laying on his chest as your fingers were tracing in small circles over the steel blue fabric of his prison suit. By the way he was looking at you, you could tell that there was a part of him who would have loved to tear the nightdress off your body and make you moan so that the thick walls would shake and let Caleb know what exactly he was doing to you but instead of giving Negan some more stage for his jealousy you moved in a little closer and glanced calmly at him. All while you tried to keep his glance tied to yours for a few more seconds, hoping to get Caleb and his jealousy off his mind for at least a bit and as he began to slowly nod, you knew that the angel had successfully pushed the devil off his shoulder, for now. But just as sure as you were that the devil was already clawing its fingers into the prison suit again, trying to climb its way up the fabric of the sleeve to Negan’s shoulder again, you were sure that there were hidden reasons to why the angel had won this time. Especially this little flickering in his eyes and the way they softened, as if he was pushing himself more than usual to give in to it, made you ponder for a second. But this second was quickly over as you caught him shuffling down the pillows again and rolling onto his side on the cheaply squeaking mattress, lifting his arm for you to huddle up to him for the little rest of time you had left. ”You’re gonna come here or nah?”, Negan said glancing at you, a soft chuckle rumbling through his chest while his eyes were visibly still fighting some of his inner demons. ”I will”, you mumbled back, grabbing the thin blanket to keep it steady as you shifted down until Negan’s strong arms could capture you and pull you against his warm chest. Resting your head on his arm you cuddled closer until you could nuzzle your nose against his neck, feel the small vibrations each of his breaths were giving off while you reached one hand up until it could sink into his dark locks. A deep hum was elicited from his throat as soon as your fingers traced over his skull, his chest was rumbling in a calm manner against your body as soon as his head fell into the curve of your neck and caused a small smile to grow on your lips. You liked those moments, those moments that let you feel like there was no one else than you two and in which it didn’t matter where you were. Especially since his time in the cell had begun you saw their worth even more, in just those minutes that let each of you shut any lousy thoughts out and you could collect some new energy again. And you stayed just like this for a little while longer, with your bodies entangled, his arms keeping you safely in his embrace and your hand playing softly with his hair while his warm breath and the feeling of his lips brushing over the side of your neck let pleasant goosebumps spread over your skin, until you knew that it was time for you to get ready.
Negan sat on the edge of the cheap bed, stretching his long legs out with a strained but quiet groan as you slipped your arms into the soft leather of your jacket and shuffled your feet over the ground, trying to get a little more comfortable in your boots. ”Think you’ll got your shifts all fucked up too?”, Negan asked, stemming himself off the bed with a small sigh before he made his way over to your side until his large hands could grasp your hips and pull you closer against his firm chest. ”Mhmm probably, depends on if Rick pulled Rosita off the infirmary for the wind mill”, you said leaning closer against him until your head leaned against his shoulder and his arms wrapped a little tighter around your body, keeping you in his warm embrace for a bit longer. ”Alright…don’t let any fucker bother you out there, okay? If you’re still at the infirmary, hell Baby, you’ll rock that shit again…just forget about that shitty last day and get fresh in there, be my goddamn queen of bandages and disinfection shit”, Negan’s voice was serious until the last sentence that let a soft chuckle rumble through his chest as he pressed a quick kiss on the sensitive skin of your neck before he leaned back to look at you. ”You’ll do that for me?”, he asked, a crooked grin dancing over his lips as you began to slowly nod and allowed a smile to sneak onto your face. ”Yeah”, you mumbled, letting your hands sneak up his chest and slide over the fabric of his prison suit until your arms could wrap around his warm neck. Slowly, he was leaning in until his lips could brush over yours before they captured them entirely, pulling you into a kiss that was as always able to let your knees turn into jelly within seconds. Humming into his kiss you melted against him, feeling the sensation of his rough beard stubble and soft lips teasing over yours while his strong arms kept you steadily flush against his own body. You were about to lose yourself in him again, were about to dive into the kind of moment again you’ve had in bed just a little while ago before the sudden thud of a door made you slip back into reality. Within a second you could feel Negan’s body tensing again, his muscles filing with suspense even though his kiss didn’t stop nonetheless as dull steps sounded over the creaking stairs. Feeling how your body was yearning for air you let go of his lips to catch your breath again even though you knew that if it wasn’t for you Negan wouldn’t have stopped. He would have pushed it, although you were still half stuck in the cloud of emotions his kiss had let you swing in, you knew he would have pushed it so his new guard would see you just like this, in each others arms and drowned in a longing kiss. Glancing up into his hazel eyes you could see the suspense radiating from them, even though it felt like he was still partly trying to suppress it. Slowly, you let your thumb caress over the back of his neck and leaned once more up to peck his lips with a soft kiss before you heard how the footsteps came to a stop and their echo sounded through the thick walls of the cell. Within seconds you turned your head towards the sound’s source, catching Caleb’s eyes glancing at you through the cold metal bars while his hand was deeply buried in the pocket of his pants, trying to fish out the small keys for the cell. ”Hey there again”, he said, pushing a small smile into the corners of his lips as he finally grasped the silver keys and brought them accompanied by a clinking sound towards the lock. ”Hey”, you said back, turning a little more towards the door to get ready for leaving before you felt Negan’s arms pushing you lightly back, provoking your glance to fall from Caleb to the man by your side. ”See you tonight?”, he asked, the sentence that was usually a statement connected with a small grin and another kiss had now turned into question and a forced up smirk that was by far not outdrowning the suspense and sternness that was written all over his face. ”Yeah, see you tonight”, you said soft but definitive back, giving him a reassuring smile before leaning up to peck his lips a last time, hoping to let some of the tension vanish. Reluctantly, Negan’s arms loosened, eventually letting go of you before Caleb’s voice sounded through to you as the sound of the keys sliding into the lock reechoed slightly. ”You’re coming?”, he asked, letting your glance meet his before it seemingly wandered for the first time since this morning towards Negan, “And you take your seat till the doors locked again? Roger said that’s how you’ve handled this till now.” Even though it was firm, Caleb’s voice wasn’t commanding, but it still let a frown grow all over Negan’s face, pushing the smirk for you once for all off his handsome features. ”Yes, that’s how we do”, Negan grumbled, his eyes goring through the door as if it could shoot poisonous arrows through the metal bars and let them gore deeply into Caleb’s skin. The frown on Negan’s face got quickly accompanied by the odd and dangerous grin you had seen a couple times before as he made his way over to the cheap bed and let himself fall onto the mattress that squeaked along with the bedsprings beneath the weight that was pressing in on it. ”’Cause I’m definitely that fucking dumb to jump headfirst out of that shitcell against some armed guard while my girl’s right in the danger zone”, Negan let out a deep, but humorless chuckle eliciting an irritated glance to form in Caleb’s eyes as you let out a lost sigh and moved closer to the cell’s door, deciding that it was better for each one of you to just get some distance between them. ”I’m coming”, you just mumbled, quickly slipping through the opening in the wall until you heard the door crashing back into the lock. You could feel Caleb’s hand ghosting for a short moment over your back in a guiding manner as you lanced one last time at Negan, watched him gulping harshly as he was visibly trying to restrict himself from letting his emotions completely take over his mind. Then, Caleb’s hand left you again as your own footsteps sounded dully through the air as you made your way up the stairs.
Caleb was still quietly walking next to you as you began to make your way through the house, up until the point the corners of your eyes caught him glancing over at you before the blonde rose his voice. ”Hope you slept well after that last day”, he said the small but friendly smile on his lips as your eyes met his. ”Yeah, I’m glad I could, really needed that…do you got any idea what Rick planned for my shifts?”, you asked, watching him nod quickly as he stepped closer with you towards the front door. ”Yeah, asked him ‘bout you and Eden when he let me know about this here”, Caleb said, his fingers making a small but quick gesture around the room before he glanced back at you, “The infirmary is all yours now, at least for the next week. After that or maybe a little more, he said he’ll see if he still needs Rosita at the windmill or if he maybe already knows more about Siddiq and Maggie’s Baby.” ”Okay- Thanks for asking”, you said, feeling for a short moment a bit uneasy thinking about having the full responsibility at the infirmary, before your mind tried to push the positive arguments into the spotlight. After all, you liked the work there and a fight with Tara that was followed by one fucked up day shouldn’t take all confidence away from you. You had to do better now, of course you did, and that you’d lie to say it wasn’t putting pressure on you, but on the other side, maybe you could prove yourself as well. If you thought this way about it, Rick was finally trusting you to take the lead there and that was an achievement you knew you should acknowledge and maybe even be proud of.
”See you later then”, Caleb said as you found yourself back outside, feeling how the chilly air was trying to sneak beneath your warm leather jacket to conquer your body. ”Yeah, see you later”, you responded with a small smile before you turned on your heels, leaving Negan’s new guard behind, while the thought of his influence on Negan’s odd behavior pushed a whole other set of thoughts into your head that decided to accompany you on your way to the infirmary and stay swinging here and there into your mind even after your shift had begun.
The bedsprings squeaked softly as Negan shifted uneasily over the mattress, trying to get comfortable on the cheap thing that just contributed some more to his already shitty mood that was just getting worse with each moment his tired mind was torturing him more with thoughts he would like to smash with his Lucille into teeny tiny pieces. But his beloved weapon wasn’t there with him, instead she was laying somewhere in a pitch dark closet in the armory, wasting away next to some shit guns or some of these awful spears the Hilltop had also sent to the Sanctuary in the past. And just like his bat wasn’t there, his girl wasn’t with him as well. He had always thought nights would be the worst part for prisoners, when everything was dark, everything was dead quiet and you were all on your own with your thoughts. But shit, was he wrong. The nights were the best part of this whole damn mess, in the nights, she was there, made him feel human and very often, as if he wasn’t stuck in this hell hole. The days on the other side, they were a pain in the ass. He was alone, but he could sometimes hear the people outside through the thick glass windows behind the metal bars. He couldn’t hear conversations, or even clear words, but he heard that there was something. He could hear a bit of what he was missing and each time he heard a sound outside, it reminded him that he wasn’t part of anything anymore, no leader, not even a fucking simple man walking along others but that a fucking locked up prisoner instead. It ate him up, almost drove him crazy and he could swear that if he wouldn’t have these nights with her, he’d be a lost man.
Crunching his teeth he leaned his back against the stone wall, feeling the cold that was radiating from it pressing through the fabric of his prison suit. But the coldness wasn’t the thing that was bothering him right now, at least not this kind of coldness. It was another one, the one that was making his thoughts even worse, the one that was caused by his new guard. The thought that this fucker had been the one to be there for his girl when the last day had turned into a living nightmare, the thought that this fucker was holding power over him with this shitty little key that was getting comfy in his pants and the memory of how this fucker had looked at her, first this morning when she had still been sleeping, then later, when she had left him, yes, those things were driving him wild. Negan trusted her when she said he was just someone she was seeing as a friend, but he was sure that she was wrong with saying this kind of view was mutual. Before this morning, there had been a small part of him to doubt it, to tell himself that he was allowing his mind to play games with him, but after those early hours, even that part was gone. He didn’t just see her as a friend, not at fucking all. He knew the kind of glance that fucker was gazing at her with. If he could, he’d tear the fucking clothes piece by piece off her body and devour her for hours. Only the damn thought was giving him chills of the worst fucking kind. And exactly this guy, this fucking asshole was out there with her. He wasn’t working with her anymore, that was the only good thing about this guard change, but he could be there with her whenever his shift was over, whenever he had a fucking break, whenever he felt like it. All beneath the fig-leaf of being the friendly fucking guy. The friendly fucking guy who was free as a damn bird and could give her things he couldn’t.
A shiver rumbled through Negan’s body, letting him shake as he squeezed his eyes just and clenched his jaw tightly, cursing about his own sorry ass as he was trying to keep the toxic thoughts from taking over the last bit of his mind they hadn’t attacked yet. They were mixing with the deep rooted fear of losing her and the thoughts he’d already had last night that were just as horrible as the ones now. And they were forming into an army, determined to take him down.
Judging from the way the shadowy lines of the metal bars fell onto the cement floor of his cell, it was about midday and only a few hours had passed since he was alone, so they were way more to come until he’d have her back. Way more of those lonely hours that gave enough space for those thoughts to attack again and again, and even though he liked to believe hat he was strong enough to make a stand against them, deep down he knew that his would be one hell of a battle, one he might lose.
A sudden thud let him flinch up and ripped him out of the cocoon the thoughts had spun around him, letting his eyes snap towards the cell’s door and capture the cause of the terror in his head, slipping his abstemious food through the gap at the bottom. “Here’s your lunch”, the blonde grumbled, standing straight up again before an urge in Negan let him swing his legs from the bed and pushed him to step closer to the metallic gate. Usually, when Roger or one of the other guards brought food, he just kept laying on the bed till they were gone, mostly cracking some joke or little speech just to have his fun by annoying them a little. Just like he had done it this morning with guard whose name he always forgot while that blonde fucker had probably taken a break or something. But this time was different. This time he stepped closer, feeling the rough surface of the cement pressing against the bare sole of his feet while the younger man’s eyes wandered with slight irritant over him. “Aren’t you ordered to stay back during the meal exchanges too?”, the blonde asked, something swinging in his that just pissed Negan off for fuck knows why and combined with a certain firmness. He seemed to grow more confident, seemed to settle his damn ass down in the position of power he was holding over him and seemed to slowly leave the damn school boy uneasiness and nervousness from this morning behind. But maybe, maybe it just needed a bit to push him right back there. “Nah, I’m not”, Negan grumbled back, feeling every muscle of his body tense as he stepped closer until only the cold metal bars were separating him from this fucker. “Why? You’re scared? Pissing your pants that I could attack you through this thing here?”, Negan asked, his eyes narrowing with each word while a dangerous grin was dancing over his lips, eliciting the wished irritation and if he was right, even a bit of fear in his opponents eyes. “No, I’m not, just want you to follow the rules”, he said, in a firm but calm tone, that calm that it drove Negan crazy and that calm that he almost felt like he was mocking and haunting him with his own and now pretty much dead rule-policy, “Since I don’t think you wanna break them and have some consequences following that.” Oh he wished to, he wished to fucking break them, break those shitty metal bars just along with them, lunge at him and shove the damn plate right down that fuckers throat or better, up his sorry ass. And that’d just be the beginning. But he couldn’t do that, this shit wasn’t just about him, no matter what. “Course not”, Negan growled as he stepped even closer, his tongue sneaking out to wet his bottom lip slowly before he was forcing the younger man to keep the eye contact, ready to change the roles again, turn him into the predator again and the blonde asshole into the prey. He was gonna use this opportunity, hell yes he was gonna do that. “’Cause I know the first thing Rick the little prick would take away from me as a damn punishment would be my girl and I can’t have that…no fucking one gets to do that”, the dangerous drawl was echoing through his voice, his eyes still locking with the man behind the bars, capturing how the other’s brain began to work on those words, just enough for Negan to back away. “So nope, I won’t break those little shitty rules of yours. So you can loosen your bodice and take a few fucking deep breaths, I won’t attack you through those metal bar shit here”, he chuckled darkly, bowing down to grab the plate of food, lacing his fingers around the porcelain edges before he got his back straight again. He looked one last time into the glance of the man who was eying him up and down, trying unsuccessfully to estimate him, and even though it was pleasing in its own kind of way, it didn’t give him the satisfaction and reassurance Negan was yearning for. That guy was still a massive threat. “Good”, Caleb just responded, his voice firm as he nodded slowly almost if that was it before a rush of confidence seemed to wash over him , “Pretty sure she would want that too.” The tone wasn’t advsing not as kind as the fucking smile that fucker was giving his girl anytime she looked his way, it had a kind of teasing tension swinging in it that let Negan’s eyes flare up in combination with her mentioning. “What the hell do you know ‘bout that”, it blustered dangerously out of him, his grip tightening around the plate as a pinch of fear slashed through the other’s eyes before he squared up again, as if he was pushing himself to make a stand. “At least enough to know that she can need someone who’s by her side in this….and who doesn’t give her more stuff to worry about”, the voice of the blonde was calm but quieter than before, almost as if he was surprised himself that he was speaking those words out but right now, Negan didn’t give a shit about that. The only thing he could wrap his mind around was the anger that was boiling up in him, the anger that wanted to rip the head of this fucker, but instead the aching pain that was giving the anger company was pushing him in a shock trance, enough for the guard the give him another short glance before he turned away and stepped out of his view and closer towards the stairs. With a deep huff, Negan turned around, still somehow paralyzed and shuffling with his food towards the cheap bed again while he finally heard the descending footsteps echoing through the staircase until they had hushed completely. They were leaving him alone with the thoughts that were slipping back into his mind, whirling up with the brooding anger the encounter had brought into his body into a tornado that was rushing through each of his cells, back on their way to let his concerns grow.
The wind was brushing softly over your face as you made your way down the street, finishing a day that had been a holiday compared to the past one. You had started tensed up, with the pressure hiding in the back of your head that you couldn’t fuck up again, but with each passing minute you had tried to let yourself be lead by what Negan had told you. And it had worked. You had been a little nervous at first, could feel your hands trembling slightly when you were treating your first patient of the day but after that everything seemed to fall more and more in line, until you got back to the usual agenda. The very only thing that had brought you a little concern was still the thought of Negan’s reaction to Caleb this morning, or even more how the next days with him as his new guard would turn out until Roger would take over again.
And this concern got back up into your head as soon as you headed towards the brownstones and caught Caleb sitting on a chair in front of the main entrance, stretching his legs out and spinning the small silver keys in between his fingers before he glanced up and captured your eyes. Within seconds the usual friendly smile grew on his lips as he heft himself up from the wooden chair and watched you stepping closer, greeting him as soon as you were close enough. “How was your shift? Better than yesterday?”, Caleb asked as he opened the heavy door, allowing you to slip inside before joining you and letting the entrance fall shut again. “Yeah, way better. Yours?”, you asked, not only to be kind, but also to find out if anything had happened between Negan and him, even if it was just a bunch more of snarky remarks. “Now that’s great to hear. Mine was fine, pretty different from the work at the crops, but I mean, it’s just for now and they’re just a couple shifts a day. I’ll get used to it”, he said, his voice was filled with ease, but it wasn’t giving you all the information you wished for. “And I just got back. Miles had the other shift till a half hour ago so I’m all fresh for the night”, Caleb added with a small chuckle, leading you through another room closer towards the staircase before he grabbed the handle of the door last door keeping you from it and gradually opened it. “Gonna be a long one and I’m still not all inured with working in the night as well but I mean, I can’t complain, not after the stuff you had going on yesterday”, he added as he glanced for a short moment at you. “It’s fine”, you just replied with a small smile, seeing how he glanced at you for one more moment before he rose his voice again. “Yeah, still. Just glad it worked out today for you”, he said with another kind smile before strolling down the first steps, followed by you as you made your way down.
Moments later you were able to step in front of the metal door and glance inside the cell, catching Negan’s figure that was already slightly enlightened by the petroleum lamp beside his bed and the last bit of light the windows were allowing to stream into the cell. His eyes lit up for a moment as he caught your glance, his lips curling softly up before his glance got more concentrated again as it switched to the blonde man who was getting closer towards the door until he could slid the keys inside the lock. With a click the door sprung open as Caleb turned around to you and slowly opened the door. “Well then, till tomorrow morning I guess”, he said, pressing a small smile into the corners of his lips before you gave him a small nod and stepped closer towards the entrance. “Yeah, till tomorrow”, you said, your voice friendly as you slipped inside and heard how the door closed as slowly as it had opened, with creaking noises of strained metal until the sound of the lock reechoed.
Just as you heard descending footsteps and your glance was about to wander back towards the cell’s bed, strong hands cupped your jaw, fingers slid into your hair and pulled you into against warm lips that captures yours immediately in a deep kiss. A deep kiss that was growing more desperate with each second, with each caress of his lips over yours, with each bit he pulled you closer and let your mind shut down for a few moments until he had taken all your breath. Even when you were catching your breath with trembling lips, his own were still hovering over yours and his hands were still keeping your face close to his while his chest rose and fell strongly against your body. Before your mind could even fully come back, could ask him if he was fine, if this had to mean anything, his deep drawl vibrated against your lips. “Fuck…I need you, Baby. Now”, even though his voice had this dominant and deep drawl swinging in it, it was still just as desperate as his kiss and just as desperate as the next one he was pressing to your lips as his hands wandered down your body, tugging on the lapel of your jacket until he could push it down your arms. You were longing for him, of course you were but something about this wasn’t letting you go. It was by far not the first time for him to surprise you with this kind of greeting, but this time was different and you were about a hundred percent sure that you knew the reason why. “Negan?”, you mumbled as soon as he caught breath for the first time after letting your jacket fall with a dull thud to the ground, immediately letting his eyes snap to yours. “Yeah, Sweetheart?”, he asked, his fingers already brushing over the end of your shirt, caressing the bare skin of your stomach and hips. “You’re okay?”, you asked, his eyes escaping yours to wander over the cold stone for a second before your hands ran up his prison suit until they cupped the back of his neck. “Negan?”, you asked, concern swinging in your voice that let his eyes switch over to you until his hazel orbs locked with yours. “’Course I am”, he said, his voice a little to confident, the smirk that was beginning to grow on his lips a little too bright,”You’re here with me again. I’m fucking thriving.” With that his lips pressed on yours once more but quickly left your skin again as soon as he felt the restricted way you responded, not believing him yet. “Don’t worry, Baby”, he grumbled against your lips, pecking them softly as his arms wrapped tighter around your body. You glanced up into his hazel eyes, knowing that there definitely wasn’t everything fine. But just as his lips caressed longingly over yours again, a part of you thought that maybe he needed this right now, maybe he needed to blow off some steam this way and get his mind finally off the things that were buzzing through it, maybe so you could properly talk to him after it. For one more moment you hesitated, before this part of you and the longing for him you felt yourself brought you to respond to his kiss and allow you to melt into him.
Just as you had kicked off your boots, you already felt him guiding you towards the bed until your back hit the mattress and you felt him climbing on top of you, settling in between your legs while his arms were securely caging you within his warm embrace. Slowly, your fingers fumbled on his shirt, unbuttoning the steel blue top of his prison suit until you could brush it off his shoulders and let your fingers trace along his sides, down his back until you could rest your fingertips just above the waistband of his pants. It took only moments for him to brush your shirt off too, beginning to fondle your body as soon as the fabric hit the floor, kissing and nibbling down your neck and your collarbones before capturing your lips again, letting more heat pool within your body’s middle. His hands were wandering south, fumbling on the zipper of your pants until you raised your hips slightly, allowing him to pull them down as his lips left yours for a moment, right before they crashed back onto them as soon as just your underwear was left on your heated body. You could feel his weight beginning to press in on you again, feel his warm skin right against yours as his hands wandered down until they could grab your thighs, let his rough fingertips dig into your skin to press you closer and harder against him. Humming and softly moaning into the kiss you wrapped your legs around his hips as the heat in your body grew more, letting you feel how it was turning your panties into a wet mess. You were enjoying to feel him closer with each second, each minute, with each touch and each kiss while you allowed yourself to begin to lose yourself in him. But only up until the point where you felt that this wasn’t happening to him, not as it always happened. He wasn’t melting against you, wasn’t sinking into the kisses, wasn’t letting those little satisfied growls rumble through his chest and wasn’t teasingly grinding himself against you. There was a certain tension stuck in him, you could feel that his thoughts weren’t letting him go, they were wrenching on him, as if they were trying to pull him away from the trance he yearned to fall into. You could feel him trying, pushing himself to get to this point he could lose himself in the kisses and touches as well. But before you could think of doing something, maybe even stopping, you felt him growing more restless, more tense before he suddenly pulled away from your kiss. His breath was heavy, his body was shivering while you could still feel his face hovering over yours as your eyes opened immediately, glancing at his tensed face. His eyes were pressed shut until they slowly opened, forming more worry in you within seconds. “Negan, what’s wrong?”, you mumbled, trying to catch his glance. You knew one of the reasons, and while you were sure there were more hidden in the dark, you needed to hear him say them, have him finally talk to you. “Noth-” “No, don’t tell me it’s nothing. I can feel that this isn’t true”, you cut him off, even though your tone was careful as your hand reached up to his jaw, trying to lead his glance towards you. And fInally, his hazel but tense orbs met yours. “Just let us go on with this, please”, he said, his glance wandering uneasily over your face as his words pressed firmly but still pleading out of his lips. “Why are you so dogged on this here now?”, you asked, feeling how desperation was beginning to course through your veins while Negan’s eyes refused to meet yours. And they still kept on doing this as he eventually stemmed himself up and leaned back, until his legs swung off the bed’s edge. His jaw was clenching tightly, the muscles in his cheek twitched and let you grow more restless as you were slowly sitting yourself up before he finally spoke up. “’Cause this”, he grumbled making a small gesture towards the bed before a harsh gulp travelled down his throat as his eyes met yours for the split of a second ,”Some damn fuck is the only fucking thing I can give you in here.” His voice was growling, frustrated and almost dangerous as a shivering breath fell from your lips as you slowly shuffled closer to him, trying to figure out how to get this bullshit thought out of his head. “That’s not true, Nega-” “Oh, it isn’t?”, harshly he spoke up, his voice still trembling underneath the sarcasm before he huffing lifted himself off the bed and grabbed the shirt of his prison suit, turning his back towards you and refusing to look at you as his fingers buttoned it up, as if he was using it to keep a wall up between the both of you. You could feel your ribcage tighten in the pain of helplessness, pressing air out of your lungs before you shuffled your shirt over your body and let your feet hit the ground as well. And just as you wanted to raise your voice again, tell him that those thoughts were all wrong, his eyes snapped towards you again and his voice echoed through the cell. “You got so fucking much waiting out there for you. Fucking anything I can’t give you in here. And that guy up there? That fucker? Oh, he’d gladly take over”, his voice was piercing, soaked in anger and desperation just like the flickering terror in his eyes. “Negan, he doesn’t-” “He fucking does. You’ve seen the way he’s looking at you? He’s eyefucking you”, Negan spat the words out, letting a deep breath fall from your lips as you could feel your own desperation and helplessness grow. “Not everybody wants to fuck me, Negan”, you said, your voice tense and harsher than you actually wanted while he shook his head, his jaw clenching while the thick vein on his neck began to swell dangerously. “Well, he certainly does”, he growled, before his voice got even more biting while pain flickered through his eyes, “And he’s gonna as soon as you wake up and see what kinda shitshow you’re stuck in if you stay with me.” His voice was booming through your head, sending shivers of pain and shock through it before your brows puckered and your body tensed up as you got out of the small shock his words had catapulted in. “Are you kidding me?”, it blustered out of you, your eyes staring in disbelief in him while more hurt feelings began to mix within your body. “No, I’m fucking not. Just another role he’s gonna fucking take over ‘cause I’m stuck in this shithole, ‘cause I can’t give you any fucking thing”, he growled, letting another shivering breath fall from your lips as your mind was in terror, completely at a loss and stuck in a cloud of pain, Trying to breath through, trying to calm the terror you grabbed your pants, shuffling them back on, hoping that this small distraction would calm you at least a tiny bit down. But of course, it didn’t. ”I don’t want him, when are you gonna finally believe that?”, you growled, desperation swinging in between your heavy breaths. ”But you wanna tell me you want this all here?! Till fuck knows when?!”, Negan’s voice was stern, yet desperate as your eyes met his again. He panted as his whole face grimaced in pain and anger, not allowing you to say anything as his loud voice continued. “You really wanna sleep forever on this crappy ass bed?! Wanna live half of your damn fucking day-…life as a prisoner fuck too?!”, his voice got louder, booming and restless, his whole body was filled with suspense while yours got filled with more pain, as there was only a small part of your mind left that pushed the thought that only his desperation was making him say those things and blow up this way. But this small part vanished and got instead replaced with more pain and even frustration as you saw him pacing like a wild animal through the room, filling up with more anger. “Yeah”, you brought out, your own stubborn head pushing it while Negan didn’t seem to hear you, instead he grew even more tense, with the vein on his neck pulsing harshly and with horror written all over his face. His eyes turned dark, a deep humorless chuckle fell from his lips before his brows puckered and the frown spread over his features again, combining with his biting voice. “Oh wait, this all is gonna be just fine, right? Bet we’re gonna have some nice fucking candle light shit dinner, with that fucking petroleum shit lamp and that plate of crap food they’re feeding me”, he called sarcastically out his foot pushing enough against the empty plate to let it rush a few inches against the wall, not enough force behind it to break it but enough to let the sound of its encounter echo horribly through the cell. Flinching up you felt the pain of his words letting a lump in your throat grow while Negan stared panting at the plate, seemingly being ripped out of his rage by the stinging sound. His shoulders rose and fell at a restless pace, his lips gaped only enough open to let his heavy breaths escape while the rest of his body tensed and trembled harder. You tried to grasp the last chance to collect yourself, to not fully lose control but before you could start another try, maybe even get the threateningly growing lump out of your throat you heard his voice again. This time it wasn’t loud and not booming at all, instead the pain got more audible next to the firmness and growling that was still stuck in it. ”You’ll leave. Earlier or later you’ll leave”, those words felt like they knocked you to the ground as thousands of knifes seemed to gore their blade into your skin, wrenching and pulling your flesh apart. “Just a matter of time till you got enough of this.” Was he really thinking that? After you’ve been through hell and back with him? And if so, how could he believe that? How could he think that little of you? How could he think that you were that shallow that you’d just give him up, give what you both have up simply and only because of this cell? You could finally feel the lump in your throat winning the fight it had with you, pushing burning tears into your eyes, tears of disappointment, anger and even more pain before your lips brought out the question itself. “Do you really think that?, you asked, your voice strained and weak but with a stern and biting tone that was caused by the anger in your body that was the only thing keeping your voice steady. “Negan, I’ve seen you bleed out. You were almost dying in my arms…I’ve had you laying half dead and unconscious for fucking days in front of me-”, you brought out, feeling how the tears in your eyes urged their way forward and cut you off. “After all that, you really think I’ll leave just because you’re in here? You think that little of me?!”, you added, feeling how your feelings of pain were completely taking over while Negan’s glance fell for the first time since his last words on them again. And just as you casted your watery eyes down, could feel how the tears began to roll over your cheeks, the corners of your eyes seemed to catch how his face dropped in terror. A shivering breath feel from your lips as your body and mind begin to give up completely to the whirlwind of horror and emotions that was raging within them before you suddenly flinched up as you heard the sound of fast footsteps rushing down the stairs. Your eyes snapped towards the door, catching Caleb’s eyes looking with pure concern at you before they shot towards Negan as his voice echoed through the cell. “What the hell do you want here?” “Make sure you won’t hurt anyone”, Caleb’s voice was resentful and tensed, as much as you had never even thought he was capable of. “I wouldn’t harm a single hair on her head”, Negan’s voice growled, the anger audibly beginning to boil back up again,”I wouldn’t ever fucking hurt her.” “Looks to me like you already did. One way or another”, Caleb said with a dangerous calmness mixed into his voice you were sure would drive Negan even more wild. Even though you tried to stop it and whipped them off your skin, more tears rolled down your cheeks, as if your emotions were stuck in a barrel that was flowing over and over again. “Now get back to the bed”, the tensed voice of the guard said as you first glanced up and brushed the tears off your face once more, catching the furious glance that was beginning to settle in Negan’s eyes as they gored through Caleb. Without breaking eye contact with Negan he reached towards the gun, letting your breath hitch as he rested it on the holster and gave Negan a warning glare. A deep scoff left Negan’s lips as you could feel his glance brushing over you for a moment, before he gave in, nodded and walked tensely back to the bed. As soon as the bedsprings squeaked beneath his weight, you heard the metallic sound of the keys sliding into the lock before they turned and let the door spring open. Your eyes lifted from the ground again, catching Negan’s glance brushing over you, something that seemed like worry and regret trying to break through the mask of anger and pain on his face while you gulped harshly down. “I’ll come back when you’ve calmed down”, just left your lips without thinking much about it, it just slipped out of them, broken and quiet, knowing that you needed your space after whatever the hell had happened in this night.
“Come here”, you heard Caleb mumble as you eventually slipped through the gap after you had grabbed your boots and your jacket, digging your fingers into their fabrics at if it could ease your tension. Just as you were stepping through it you were feeling next to filled up with emotions, awfully empty as well as the person you had usually leaned on when you experienced this kind of mess was now the one that had caused it. A trembling breath fell from your lips as you could feel Caleb’s hand placing on your back trying to guide and maybe even soothe you before you heard Negan’s voice a last time. “Get your fucking hands off her”, it echoed through the cell, your eyes went up in a glare to meet his for a last time before you stepped up the stairs.
“You’re okay?”, you heard Caleb ask as soon as you stood outside the door, fresh and chilly night air filling your lungs and hitting your skin while it gave you a little hope that it might be able to soothe your suspense filled body. ”Sorry, I know that’s not the best question right now, I just wanna know”, he mumbled as you looked up and shuffled into your boots, gulping harshly as you tried to get yourself in order. “I’ll be fine”, you mumbled slightly sniffling, more hoping for it than actually knowing it while you brushed the leather of your jacket over your arms, hoping that its comfortable and familiar feeling might calm you a little. “Hmm?”, you heard him murmur as he held out a bit scrunched but new tissue out to you, raising his brows softly. “Thanks”, you mumbled with a strained and battled voice, taking the tissue and bringing it down over your cheeks to get the last tears off of them before new would earlier or later stream over them again. “Hey, you want me to get you back to Rick’s house? Not sure if walking alone’s the best thing for you now”, Caleb mumbled, as you let out a deep breath, trying to rally yourself before you slowly shook your head. It was already an odd feeling for you that he had seen you this vulnerable, and even though you were grateful, you needed nothing else than be on your own. “Think I need that right now, be alone for a bit…but thank you anyway.” You bit your lips, scrunched the tissue inbetween your fingers like one of those stress balls while Caleb slowly nodded, the worry still stuck in his eyes. “You deserve more than what happened down there, you know that, right?”, he brought out, his glance meeting yours again in the faint light of the street lamps. You weren’t gonna answer this, you were way too rilled up right now, your body was still all tense while the pain let an awful nausea wash over you again and again and besides that, this or anything else regarding Negan wasn’t something you were gonna discuss with him. No matter how confused, hurt and mad you were about him right now. “I just need to go home now…”, you mumbled instead, still feeling how the remains of the lump in your throat were making it hard for you to talk without sounding like miserable little thing. “Okay…but if there’s something I can do…you know where you can find me”, he said, leaning a little closer until you glanced up at him as he was trying to press a tiny uplifting smile into the corners of his lips, even though it got massively overshadowed by the concern that was still keeping his face hostage. “Thanks..”, you just mumbled back, trying to let your lips that were still slightly swollen from Negan’s kisses form into a grateful smile before you breathed through, “See you around then.” “Yeah, see you around”, Caleb said, gulping as his eyes wandered one last time over your face before you gave him a small nod and turned around, feeling the stones crunch beneath your shoe’s soles as you began to make your way down the dark road.
Darkness around you, darkness within you. It seemed like there was nothing else but this darkness, trying to eat you up while you felt how tears began to roll down your face and whimpers left your lips, threatening to form into sobs as soon as you were out of earshot. Pressing your trembling hand on your mouth you tried to silence your louder becoming whimpers, scared that someone could see or hear you this way. You felt alone, completely alone for the first time in a really long while. You’d lost any of your old friends and Daryl and now? Had you lost Negan now too? Or were you on a way for this to happen? Did he think over all this time differently about you and your relationship than you had thought? Did he really think you’d just choose Caleb or anybody else over him just because they weren’t imprisoned? Or was he just scared and did this fear let him lash out or were you only trying to tell that yourself to not face the ugly truth? You didn’t know. It was like nothing in your head was working anymore, stuffed too full with emotions and thoughts to function at all. Everything in Rick’s house, your old and maybe now new home was dark when you finally felt the porch’s steps sinking a little in beneath your weight as you shuffled up the stairs. The last thing you wanted was for them to see you this way and to immediately know the cause. They’d know earlier enough, at the latest when they’d find out that you had been sleeping in the house. Pain was still twitching through your every cell as you sneaked as quietly as you could up through the house, up the stairs, down the hallway until the door of your room shut as quietly as you could behind yourself. Moments later, only with your boots kicked to the ground and your leather jacket falling next to it on the carpet, your body hit the mattress of the bed, your face pressed into the several pillows and your hands fisted soft blankets as if they could give you any hold as new shocks of whimpers and pain rushed through you. But they couldn’t soothe you, those soft blankets, comfy pillows and this giant bed, not like Negan’s arms usually did when things went south. That was the thing about this all, the thing Negan didn’t seem to get…maybe didn’t want to get. Those comfort necessaries were nice and cozy and you did like them but you’d switch them without bating an eyelash out for his embrace, no matter if it was on a squeaking and cold mattress on a cheap bed in a dark cell or not. You would return, just as you had said it, but the thought of it or its possible outcome let piercing pain and fear eat up, let the darkness around you lull you into its terrifying and nightmare-promising depths while the last tears rolled over your burning cheeks before your mind and body gave in and let you dive into the darkness.
“Are you cold? Still?”, Negan worriedly asked as he stood in front of the bed, his concerned glance wandering over your curled up figure beneath the several dark blankets while another harsh cough erupted your throat and sent stinging aftershocks through the rest of your body. “Shit, you are”, he grumbled, more to himself than to you as you cuddled more up into the pillows, trying to get a rest of your head that felt as if the pressure pushing in on your skull was trying to bring it to explode any second. Sniffling, you looked up at him, through half opened eyes that caught him pondering for a moment before he slowly walked closer towards the large bed and sat down on its edge, letting the mattress bend slightly beneath his weight. Your glance followed each of his moments as well as it could, trying to keep the sunlight that was streaming through the large windows from dazzling your exhausted eyes too much before they caught his large hand reaching up to you. Softly, almost overly cautious his palm placed on your cheek, bringing a soft hum of yours forth as soon as his touch met your skin that was so much softer compared to the rough coughs that else escaped your lips. Slowly, his thumb began to stroke over the prominent part of your cheekbone, tracing along the skin while you could feel his glance being stuck to your face as you leaned into his soothing touch. It lasted seconds, pleasing but way too short seconds until the next cough boomed through your ribcage up your throat, letting you shake against the soft pillows beneath your head until it ebbed away once again just to make sure you knew it would return earlier or later. “Fuck”, you heard Negan quietly grumble as he caught the way you shuffled into the pillows, trying to soothe your body from the pain the cough had given to your already sore throat while the coolness tried to conquer your body, tried to march into the blankets and make its way closer and closer until it could slip beneath your skin. “Looks like I gotta be your living hot water bag, huh?”, Negan asked, trying his very best to let the chuckle that was leaving his lips outdrown the concern that was stuck in his voice. Slowly, you glanced up at him, feeling how his hand ran from your cheek down the back of your neck for a short moment, giving it a soft caress with his rough fingertips before it left your body to lift the mountain of blankets you were hiding beneath. “You’re gonna get sick too”, you grumbled, concerned even though you craved for his touch while your voice was barely audible as the cold had taken most of it hostage and was letting the bit of rest it had left you sound like the horribly scratched part of a CD. “Well, then so be it. I don’t give a fuck”, Negan grumbled, his voice softer than the words made it seem as he slipped faster beneath the blankets than you had expected and shifted against you, careful and as if you would break if he would move just a little too harsh. “You’re gonna come here? Let us make this cold our bitch together?”, he asked, a soft laugh leaving your lips as you glanced up at him and caught the hope in his eyes that was trying to make itself room next to the concern that was still not about to beat retreat anytime soon. Slowly, you nodded, feeling yourself crave his closeness with each bit you felt his body shifted against yours. His arms were spread wide open as you huddled closer up against him, trying to move your exhausted body as well as you could beneath the layers of blankets until the moment you could feel him wrapping his arms protectively around you. And god, did it feel good. It always did, his arms always had some kind of magical effect on you as soon as they captured you in an embrace but right now it felt like they had healing powers as well. Humming quietly, you let your arm wrap around his torso and let your head sink into his chest until the soft white fabric was pressing against your skin and left you craving for more. So slowly, you were nuzzling your nose into the warm skin hidden beneath the shirt so you could feel the soft dark curls of his chest hair press up against it, could feel the way his chest was rising and falling with each breath he took and hear here and there the steady sound of his strong heart beat. His warmth was operating on you like a drug, and was letting you crave for even more as he began to cradle you against his firm chest, shift you a little up to let his warm lips press a soft kisses on your forehead and temple and let his large and soothing hands rub over your back and play with your hair until they came to a stop to just hold you. His warmth wasn’t magically letting your cold symptoms vanish, your head was still full and stuffed with pressure, your nose was still running and left you sniffling, your coughs were still letting your body erupt with shocks but it was giving you the comfort you needed right now. “How about you go to sleep now, huh? And when you wake up, this shit’s gone but you know what, big ol’ Negan will still be right here”, he grumbled, cradling you closer against himself before a small laughter let his chest vibrate against your weakened body. “Shit, that sounded cheesy as fuck…like right out of some shitty romantic movie, didn’t it?”, he chuckled about his own sappiness, cradling you a little closer as a cold minted, rough but small laugh was leaving your lips. “Mhmm yeah..but I like that idea”, you grumbled into his shirt, cuddling even closer up to his tall frame to catch more of the intoxicating warmth and comfort he was giving off. “Well, then we’ll do it just like that…and just to be clear, nothing would get me to leave you now. Not even a damn herd of dead fuckers”, he grumbled against your skin as he pressed another kiss on your forehead, letting the softness of his lips mix with the roughness of his beard stubble while a smile began to grow on your lips, allowing you to forget about the cold for just a bit.
And as you finally began to drift off to sleep, still feeling his arms wrapped around you, his chest rising and falling beneath your head and his lips brushing over your skin, this smile grew a little more as you knew that this would all still be there with you as soon as the sleep would loosen its grasp on you again.
Summary: While Negan has to bear up in his cell, someone else comes to the reader’s aid as she faces a hard day full of frustration and stirs with that the fire within him that he might lose what matters the most to him
Warning: just some light smut in the end, jealous Negan (and that’s no warning but there’s a little bit from Negan’s pov for the first time)
“Negan, no", you squirmed with a laugh, feeling how he brushed his fingertips over your side once again as your body’s shifts let the cell’s bed squeak slightly under both of your weights ,” That’s not fair.” “Fair’s fucking boring”, Negan grumbled with a throaty chuckle against your skin as he buried his face into the curve of your neck and wrapped his strong arms closer around your body to keep your back pressed against his warm chest. Caressing his lips over the sensitive skin on the side of your neck, he let you hum in approval right before another choked out laugh erupted your body and made you wriggle your body within his embrace once again. “Oh come on”, you complained with a chuckle out, just to feel Negan’s lips pressing in against your skin once again. “Mhmm you poor thing”, he grumbled lowly, before another chuckle let his firm chest rumble against your back as he started a new try to torture you with his touch and made your legs twitch against his. “Negan, I swear you’ll make me kick you in your damn balls”, you laughed, squirming as Negan stroke one more time over your side and pressed another kiss to your neck while his salt and pepper stubble tickled your skin. “As long as you take some good care of them later…”, Negan teasingly chuckled, shrugging his shoulders slightly against your body before you nudged his side with your elbow and slowly turned around in his arms to face him. “Just wait, I’ll find your ticklish spots too…earlier or later”, you grumbled into the steel blue prisoner suit that was hugging his broad shoulders, while Negan’s body vibrated with a chuckle against your body. “Go ahead, you got-”, with that he loosened his grasp a little on you to turn around and get a glimpse of the small digital clock that had found itself for the sake of your shifts to the cement ground of the cell by now, “-three minutes to undress your man and run your pretty hands all over him till you gotta head out.” Negan snickered, looking back at you as he gave you a wolfish wink before you playfully shoved his chest and leaned up to peck your lips. “Bet that man can’t hold himself back and makes me come in late”, you grumbled against his lips that were curled up into a wide grin while his large hand gave your waist a small, teasing squeeze. “Just the truth”, you chuckled, cuddling a little closer to his tall frame. “Mhmm yeah”, Negan grumbled before his grin grew a little wider, “But tonight?” His roguish glance was capturing yours as his tongue ran over his bottom lip until it got caught between his pearly whites, “Yes, tonight.”
A chilly breeze was filling Alexandria’s streets, sending cool shivers down your spine that couldn’t even be fought by the midday sun that was by now rising above the Safe zone as you made your way to your shift at the infirmary. Your stint at the crops had been more stressful than usual, Molly and Seth had been pulled from their work to join the group that began to work on a windmill, just one of the projects Rick was planning to start with the help of the book those stranger’s had given to Maggie. The streets looked a little more filled than usual, everybody seemed to be excited about the new step that appeared more like the new beginning Rick had promised than just the rebuilding of the damaged houses that seemed to rather have a bittersweet undertone swinging within.
When you arrived at the infirmary, Rosita was already gone, like most of the times, trying to avoid you by any costs and as you found a note reading that she had already left a good bit earlier than usual to help at the windmill, you were actually surprised that she had bothered to let you know. Except for scant ‘Hello’s’, you probably hadn’t even talked more than five proper sentences with her since you were back, and all of them had only been about patients and meds that needed to be refilled. With a small huff you shoved your jacket off your body and quickly hung it up before taking a look at list with the long-treatment patients Siddiq had left behind when he had switched for Maggie’s pregnancy to the hilltop. Your eyes ran quickly over it, trying to unravel his messy handwriting to find out who would come in today to get a new load of meds for the next bit of time. It was just one but as your glance wandered further a small shiver shook through your body as you found Gabriel’s name on the list that was sorted in for some time within the next week and you already grew a little restless by the thought of meeting him again. You had only seen him from afar, walking towards his destroyed church when you had been outside at the crops, and it hadn’t been more than a couple of times but the ones you had had always brought up the hours you had spent at the Sanctuary’s infirmary along with Carson, trying to help him while he was finding step by step more out about the relationship you had with Negan. Gulping you laid the list back down and looked outside, watching a group of six men and women carrying large planks of wood that had to be for the new project at the other side of Alexandria.
The sudden creaking of the opening front door made you flinch, urging your glance from the people outside to your left and right into dark eyes that looked bewildered at you before they narrowed dangerously within the split of a second.
”Where’s Rosita?”, Tara’s voice tensely asked, your glance wandering from her glaring eyes to her hand that was clutching her lower arm, blood leaking through the gaps her fingers couldn’t close. ”Already at the windmill”, you scantly said, catching how her eyes narrowed some more as she let out a strained huff and clutched her arm tighter. ”But I can take care of that too”, you said, just as scantly as before while you could feel yourself growing more tense with every passing second she was standing there in the door frame, glaring at you. “Yeah, sure” she just scoffed with a bittersweet chuckle, a provoking tone swinging widely in her voice as she shook her head slightly while you could feel how anger began to pool within yourself. She was doing it again, treating you as if you were worth shit, just like she had done it that day at the Sanctuary. You had put up with it back then but the anger and frustration had stayed lingering deep inside you and now, you were done with it. ”Listen, whatever the hell you got there seems pretty bad. So either you let me do my damn job now or you patch yourself up. But don’t complain if it gets infected”, it blustered out of you, your harsh tone not only surprising yourself a little bit but rather giving you more satisfaction. For sure, this wasn’t the perfect way to react to this, not in your position in the infirmary, but you’ve been acting levelheaded towards her for long enough. Right now, you didn’t care if this was right or wrong. Tara’s glare intensified and only got interrupted by some suppressed winces as she tightened her grasp on her arm to keep more blood from flowing out of her open wound. ”I can do it myself”, she eventually growled, stepping away from the doorframe and into the infirmary. Just as you saw her heading confidently towards the drawers, clearly intending to get her the things she needed herself you stepped forward and let your hands slip in between the drawers, pulling out bandages and disinfection liquids. If she wanted to do it herself, so be it, but this was still your workplace, and you weren’t gonna let her rummage wildly in the drawers or play the boss, like she had done it at the Sanctuary, at a place where you were feeling oppositely to most spots in Alexandria at least relatively confident and in charge. Maybe this was a bit childish, maybe not, but just as little as you cared about if this was right you cared about that right now. ”Here”, you just growled, shoving the utensils over the wooden counters and towards her until she could reach them. Within moments you heard the echoing sounds of water pelting into the sink as you caught from the corner of your eyes how she began to cautiously clean the long cut on her arm up. You let out a strained breath and moved towards another shelf on the other side of the room, trying to keep yourself occupied to be distracted from the growing frustration that was coiling within your body. You were used to that people treated you with caution here, asked for Rosita first and often watched every step you made, every move you did on them, and even though it always gave you a little sting to see their wary glance, no one had denied to be taken care of by you until now. Actually, you seemed to gain a little more trust of them with each day, with every time someone got satisfied out of the infirmary and maybe told others that you weren’t as horrible as most of them thought after your relationship with Negan made a circuit. It were baby steps, teeny tiny baby steps but they counted. And as much as they counted as much bothered it you that Tara now threatened to destroy a bit of the confidence you had built up.
The thuds of the utensils and Tara’s more or less successful tries to patch herself up sounded through the infirmary as you rummaged in the shelfs, folding up some sheets for the patients beds that must have been brought here in the morning. Each of her thudding sounds annoyed you, reminding you of the situation you were stuck in until another one accompanied them as she suddenly shrieked painfully out and let your glance from the white sheets shoot to her bleeding arm. You couldn’t see what exactly she had done to hurt herself more than she already was, but judging by the way she was holding her arm with a face grimacing in agony, strained breathes leaving her lips and the utensils sprawled out around her on the counter, her tries to treat herself had been worse than you had thought. You gulped, seeing the deep red blood flowing in lines down her arm before her glance caught yours and shot you a venomous glare. ”What the hell are you looking at?”, she growled squirming slightly and with her voice filled with utter frustration as you just let out a huff and turned back to the sheets. ”Oh right, you think you can do this better and hey, you probably do but you know what, (Y/N)? I’d rather fucking stab myself than let you do anything for me”, she snapped just as you were about to face your work again but instead glanced up and caught her glare darting right at you. Your lips parted and an urge in you wanted to say something in response to the frustration and anger that was whirling up in you but instead you just shook your head in disbelief, being held back by the last little stings of self-control that were pulling strained on you. Just as you were facing the sheets again and tried to gulp down your grudge another knock let you flinch slightly, now instead of leading your glance to Tara, to the door where a blonde woman stood and glanced confused between the both of you. ”Do we have to treat ourselves?”, she asked, a bit nervousness swinging in her voice as you let a heavy breath fall from your lips, feeling how the frustration was acting up again as you slowly shook your head. ”No, as long as you’re okay with being me doing it, I’ll take care of you”, you said with a small smile towards the woman while your voice was calm but with enough sharpness swinging in your tone to let Tara shoot you another venomous glare. ”Alright, yeah”, the woman nodded, a bit relief falling into her tone as she stepped into the infirmary and finally got you the job back you were actually supposed to do. But you were riled up, and much to your annoyance, that was showing as soon as you began to take care of the woman’s complains. Your hands were hasty, boorish even, your whole body was tensed, your head was somewhere else than where it was supposed to be and it didn’t even ebb down after Tara finally left the infirmary, accompanied by a poorly looking bandage around her arm that made you wonder for a short moment how the hell it was staying on.
And it went on just like this, you needed several attempts to get bandaids and bandages right, gave the long term patient at first the wrong bundle of meds, found yourself letting salves and tablets fall repeatedly to the ground when you were trying to sort them back into the drawer and finally, almost hurt a patient’s wound more with your hands that just didn’t want to stay under your control.
Cursing you found yourself pacing through the infirmary after you had just seen off your latest patient, feeling how you were about to turn into a grumpy mess, mad and upset about yourself and the incident that had caused all this, as you were picking up the trash the treatment had created. A heavy breath was falling from your lips as you gulped harshly before your eyes glanced from the pieces of bandage in your hands to the slim diamond bracelet that was softly dangling from your wrist, marked a little from the work and anything you had gone through since Negan had given it to you. For a moment your eyes stayed fixed on it, knowing that you’d give a whole lot to just sink into his arms right now, shut your eyes and let him hold you for a while until the whirlwind of emotions in you would calm down again. Taking a deep breath you glanced up again and rushed around the corner of the counters before a stinging pain suddenly shot through from your toe up your leg and filled your body out within seconds. “Fuck!”, you called growling out, watching how your foot rushed in pain away from the corner it had just bumped into while the sting seemed to become worse with every single passing second. “Fucking crap”, you scoffed squirming out, grimacing in pain as you leaned yourself against the counter, trying to stay there until the sting had ebbed away. “Shit, you’re okay?”, a familiar voice made your eyes shoot up and let them glance into glaucous eyes that were darting with concern right back at you from the other side of the room. “Yeah”, you said, nodding and pushing yourself away from the counter to stand right back up while your glance brushed over Caleb standing in the doorframe, holding a small paperbag in his hands. “Just bumped my toe”, you added with a small and a little embarrassed chuckle before you nodded to the blonde man who was just walking into the infirmary and closed the door behind himself. “You’re hurt?”, you asked, glancing up and down on him to find any possible injuries before he began to shake his head as he glanced back up at you. “No, I’m fine. Gotta take another break from the crops ‘cause the Hilltop’s bringing new supplies…and they brought this too”, he said, lifting the paperbag in his hand a little up as he stepped closer,”We all didn’t really have a lunch break today so I figured you could use some. We already had one at the crops, so this is all yours.” With that he laid the bag right in front of you on the counter, giving you a friendly smile as he nodded for you to open it. You glanced down, letting your fingers gape the opening wider until you could glance inside and glimpse at the self baked sweet bun from the Hilltop you could remember them giving to Alexandria already at the very first supply handover. ”Thank you”, you said, giving him a smile as you felt a little ease washing through your body before it brought out the hunger you had suppressed thanks to the stress. And with that the suspense was right back in your body. “Everything alright? I mean, except for that toe”, Caleb asked with a sympathetic chuckle, leading your eyes back up to him as he turned a little more serious ,”You’re kinda tense.” An exhaling breath fell from your lips, weighing out the possibilities whether he would believe a poor excuse of yours or not. “Yes, I just-”, you began, gulping slightly as your eyes roamed over the infirmary before they met his again, realizing that there was no going back. “It’s that obvious?”, you asked with small and a little helpless chuckle as you propped yourself against the counter and eyed him. “Mhmm”, he said, nodding as he gave you another small smile as if he was trying to motivate you to go on. You let out a sigh, glancing for a moment outside to a few people who were carrying new supplies towards the houses and gave yourself a little push. “Just a bit frustrated…Tara and I-”, you said, stopping to look up to him ,”Kinda came to blows.” “Since then everything goes pretty much downhill here”, you added, another sigh falling from your lips while you tried to keep the little smile on your face where it was, to seem a little less of the mess you actually were. “Looks fine here as much as I can tell”, Caleb said with an uplifting smile, propping himself slightly against the edge of the wooden counter and ran a hand over the slight stubble that was covering his jaw. “Well, now”, you mumbled with a small and a little nervous chuckle as you made a quick hand gesture around the room that was except for the both of you empty of any patients, “I fucked up some things I really shouldn’t have fucked up.” Your eyes wandered from Caleb through the room, a bit restless and uneasy before you suddenly heard his voice leading you right back to his eyes as he was gesturing toward the paperbag on the counter. ”How about you eat something and then everything might look a little better”, Caleb said with another friendly smile dancing over his lips as he nudged the paperbag a little closer towards you “At least that always helps me.”
After realizing rather quickly that he was actually being right, you found yourself sitting at the table right next to one of the large windows in the infirmary, eating the sweet bun that was slowly stilling your hunger. Caleb had let him fall right on the chair towards you and after trying to light your mood a little more and cheer you up, he was now fumbling on his walkie and was talking to his sister, trying to find out when the Hilltop would finish bringing new seedlings to the crops and they could start to work again. “I’ll just tell you when I get new information”, the voice of the younger girl sounded with a sigh through the walkie, her words slightly crackling through the statics. “Alright”, Caleb grumbled as you swallowed another piece of the soft dough and watched him tugging the walkie back to the waistband of his jeans before his glance wandered back to you. His lips that had before been pressed into a thin line loosened up again, giving you another kind smile as he shuffled in his seat to sit a little straighter up until he could prop his arms on the wooden table. “Better now?”, he asked, perking his eyebrows a little up while you fumbled on the paperbag beneath the last bit of the bun you had left. “Yeah, a bit”, you said with a small smile at the guy who had without a doubt been the most open and friendly person towards you since you were back and right now, you were glad to have someone who you might even be able to call a friend with you in the infirmary. “Knew it!”, Caleb chuckled triumphantly as a small grin mixed into the smile that still let the corners of his lips curl up. “Thank you”, you mumbled gratefully as you slowly leaned back into the chair and took the last bite of the bun that had soothed the tension in you a little as well. “Anytime”, you just heard Caleb say as your glance was wandering from his outside, to the people who were still carrying supplies and even some of the self made weapons from the Hilltop towards the armory. You followed their way a little, curious what kind of things they were bringing else until your blood suddenly froze as your eyes caught the glimpse of a certain leather vest and its two wings that boasted proudly on its back. You could feel your lips beginning to gape open as your eyes were staring outside, seeing your half brother moving further with the group. He was a good bit away from the infirmary, but close enough for you to notice the way he was tensing, to notice how his eyes were roaming narrowly over the streets in hope to just not catch your figure. “Yeah, he’s here too…I’m sorry, wasn’t sure if…how I should tell you”, Caleb’s voice ripped you finally away from Daryl and the memory of your last disastrous encounter. You glanced back at him, seeing him looking from the large window right at you with an apologetic and even a little insecure glance in his eyes as he let out a small sigh. “No, it’s fine. I just-”, you mumbled, still a little in shock as a thick gulp wandered down your throat while you were trying your best to keep it together and rally yourself. Clenching your jaw uneasily you couldn’t keep yourself from glancing outside again, just to see how the vest and his straggly brown hair eventually vanished behind the front of a house. “Do you know when they are planning on leaving again?”, it just flew out of you before you were even realizing what you were saying, driven by the fear to cross his path again as soon as your shift would end and you had to leave the infirmary. Slowly, Caleb shook his head, his eyes still filled with the apologetic look before he let out another small sigh. “No…but I guess at the latest some time around the late evening. They got a good bunch of people with them so it shouldn’t take too long anymore”, he said, his tone a little soothing as you slowly nodded and leaned more into the backrest, trying to keep your eyes from wandering back outside while the suspense that had seemed to be slightly gone was back with its full force, if not even worse than before. “It will be-”, Caleb began again with soothing tone but got quickly cut off by the beeping of his walkie that mixed with an annoyed huff of his until the voice of his younger sister sounded through the room. “Caleb? They’re done, but you don’t need to come back to the crops. Rick just said he’s gonna mix up some groups anyway from tomorrow on now that he needs people for the windmill…doesn’t make much sense to begin something now we probably can’t finish, the shift’s almost over anyway”, Eden’s voice crackled through the walkie while her last view words made you look at the clock on the wall, letting your eyes run over the moving fingers until you realized that it was about time for you to end your shift and leave the infirmary now as well, but there was something holding you back from just heading out. And this certain something was that you really didn’t want to run into Daryl, not by any means. By now, several weeks had passed since the disastrous argument, but every time you just thought of it you could see the deadly glare in his eyes, taste the venom and hatred in his voice and feel the painful shocks his destroying words had sent through your body. You didn’t need a repetition of that. And you didn’t want to provoke Daryl into another fight by showing up outside, or have him cause some other trouble, maybe even with Rick himself in case he’d find out that he had was on a better path with you again.
You were that deeply sunken into your thoughts about Daryl that you didn’t even notice at first that Caleb had lifted himself from his chair and stepped closer towards you until the very moment you heard his voice. “Don’t you wanna leave too?”, he asked, his voice calm as you glanced up in him, trying to hide in what kind of mess your thoughts were beginning to turn you into before the way Caleb began to look at you told you how much you had just failed your try. He let out a small sigh and reached up to run a palm over his lightish beard stubble before he glanced back down into your eyes. “Daryl, huh?”, he asked, immediately letting a cool shudder run down your back as you only heard his name and knew that you couldn’t deny your problem anymore in front of him. “Yeah”, you mumbled reluctantly, hating to feel that vulnerable while your eyes left his for a moment and wandered uneasy through the room. “My home’s close to the brownstones, so if you want, I’ll accompany you till there. Don’t think he’ll approach you when you’re with someone”, Caleb said, leading your glance back to his friendly eyes and the small smile on his lips while a thick gulp travelled down your throat. “You don’t have to…I really don’t wanna pull you into this or make you put yourself out for me. I can just wait some longer”, you mumbled with a small but to your annoyance nervous chuckle back before Caleb slowly shook his head. “Come on, (Y/N). You can’t tell me you really want that. And, like I said, I live nearby the browns you don’t bother me in any way”, he said, his voice still calm even though a little more firm than before ,”I’d also do it if I was living on the other side of Alexandria, that goes without saying.” The smile was still lingering on his lips as you slowly began to nod, realizing that he was right. He wanted to help so why not let him? And next to that, the day had already worn your nerves off enough, having to wait even longer would only make it worse. “Alright, then let’s go”, Caleb said, before he glanced once more down at you, while you were trying to rally yourself and somehow get your mind prepared for whatever could encounter you outside this house. “It will work out. You got this”, he said, looking at you and the small but thankful smile you were forcing past the suspense that was lingering in your body before his hand reached up to give your shoulder a soft pat. His touch left you again as his voice hushed but for a short moment, his touch that was still lingering slightly on you reminded you of the way a bit jealousy had sneaked up into Negan’s glance the first time you had told him about the people at the crops…or rather Caleb. Even though he had denied it and you knew that he really was glad that you had found at least someone in this mess who was kind from the first moment on towards you, especially now that he was locked up you could tell that this hint of jealousy was still there. No matter if there was no reason for it. You didn’t want someone else, not in any way and this little soft pat Caleb had given you was just another proof. You didn’t feel anything, it was a friendly gesture, but that was it. Besides, you didn’t think that Caleb was interested in you. He was a gracious guy, but he hadn’t made a clear move on you, nor had you ever seen him being something else than kind towards someone. This all, just like his offer now was just him being him, without any further thoughts. Right?
A small huff left your lips as you shoved those thoughts away from you and finally lifted yourself off the chair. It didn’t matter, the only thing that mattered quite a bit now was that you still craved to just fall into Negan’s arms and have him cradle you against his warm chest and that it wouldn’t take too long anymore until this wish could be fulfilled.
As soon as you finally stepped along with Caleb outside, the chilly breeze from this midday had turned even colder, allowing itself to warn you that the days would get even colder from now on than they already were. With a sharp breath falling from your lips you pulled your jacket closer around your body, trying to not let the cold conquer your body as you stepped down the porch and felt the wind beginning to bite into your skin.
The suspense was flaring up from the moment on you made your way down the street, felt your eyes wandering over them, seeing less people than before wandering over them and beginning to head towards the gates, letting you hope that Daryl was already there. Just as Caleb began to distract you a bit with talking about the things he already knew about the to-be windmill, the tension was slowly beginning to beat retreat and you could feel yourself slowly loosing up, your eyes caught something from afar that foiled both of those good signs within milliseconds. There he stood, like glued to the blacktop beneath his worn off boots, with eyes hidden behind a few brunette hair strands that could burn into you even through the distance that was laying between the both of you. For the split of a second your heart and breath seemed to stop, boiling heat and icy coldness mixed into a painful mess within your pulsing veins as you just stared at him while your feet came abruptly to a harsh halt, just like Caleb’s just a moment later. For seconds it just stayed this way, your mind was racing, questioning what he would do now, what you should do now. It was almost unrecognizable from afar but you could still capture the way his hands balled into fists that were just as tensed as the rest of his body, but still, he stayed this way. He didn’t move a step closer towards you, not a single one. Your head was running wilder with each passing second, creating a mess in your mind while a part of you just wanted to let your glance leave the one of your half brother and get your feet to work but your body didn’t seem as if it was under your control in these moments. All until your eyes caught how Daryl’s eyes left yours, his hands still balled into fists as if they were the only thing holding him back from exploding before he turned around and paced down the road towards the gates, leaving you alone. You had no idea how long you had stood there with him, it probably hadn’t even been long enough to fill a full minute but it had been enough to fuck you up all over again. Only seeing him before had brought all kinds of emotions up in you again, but it had been nothing to whatever had happened just now and which was still leaving you standing pinpointed to the street. “(Y/N)? Lets go on”, you heard Caleb calmly and reassuring say as he placed his hand on your back, trying to pull your glance away from the point Daryl had stood just moments ago and get you out of the trance this situation had catapulted you in. “Yeah”, you mumbled still a little absently as you glanced back at Caleb and saw him looking with some concern swinging in his glaucous eyes at you. “You okay?”, he asked as his hand slowly left your back while you gave him a slow nod, still trying to pretend as if you could lead him on. Because actually, nothing was okay. No fucking goddamn thing was okay right now.
The next few minutes rushed past you as you were still stuck in a trance like state while you just kept walking beside Caleb until a small exhaling breath was leaving your lips as you caught yourself walking closer to the brownstones. Every step felt like it was getting a little faster until you finally walked closer up to Roger, leaning against the wall outside one of the brownstone’s, fumbling on the gun holster on his belt while you could already see the keys to Negan’s cell printing through the guard’s pant’s pocket. “I’m fine from here on…Thank you”, you finally said as stopped and turned your head to face Caleb, meeting his kind eyes before he gave you a small nod. “Anytime”, he said with a small smile, “See you tomorrow at the crops if nothing changes?” “Yeah, see you there”, you said back, forcing a small smile on your lips before Caleb gave you another nod, waiting a second more to let his eyes run over your face, as if he was checking up on your wellbeing, before he turned around and made his way down the road.
You tried your best to keep a facade up in front of Negan’s usual guard, but by now, as you made your way down the stairs into the basement, it felt like even Roger was beginning to sense the suspense that was radiating off your body. Your footsteps echoed over the cement ground, your heart beating a little faster with each of them until you finally stood in front of the metal bars and could glimpse past Roger into the cell’s inside and right at Negan. He was sitting on the bed, like always, until the door would lock behind you and he was finally allowed to stand up again. A shivering breath was falling from your lips as your glance wandered over his face, over his eyes that were filled with anticipation which remembered you of your shared morning together that had been so much better than the rest of the day.
The sound of the unlocking door sounded even more pleasing than ever in your ears as it finally let the door spring open and allowed you to slip into the cell, while you could already see Negan’s glance wandering over you, the excitement leaving his eyes while his brows were beginning to softly pucker in response to the tension that was painted all over your face. Just seconds later the metal door crashed back into the lock with a sharp thud, accompanying with the clicking sound as the key left the small hole again and finally allowed Negan to get up. “Hey”, you mumbled, trying to not lose it right at this point even though you could feel the bottled up emotions building more and more pressure up, threatening to free themselves before you wanted them too. “Hey Baby…what’s wrong?”, Negan asked as he stepped closer, his eyes filled with concern as he reached out until his large hands could grasp your waist and pull you closer, letting the pleasant warmth run through you you had wished to feel all day long. Another shivering breath left your lips as you tried to find words, tried to put all the things that happened before into sentences until you just found yourself sinking against his chest, yearning to feel more of his warmth and comfort. Your arms wrapped around his torso as he pulled you closer, letting you nuzzle your face into the curve of his neck, inhaling his consoling scent while his warm breath brushed over your skin as he leaned in closer against you. “Sweetheart, what the hell happened?”, he asked, worry swinging in his voice as a harsh gulp travelled down your throat. “People from the hilltop are here, bringing supplies…Daryl too”, you mumbled against his warm skin, feeling him tensing by the sound of your words that ultimately forced you to back a little off and look into his concerned eyes. “Fuck…did he start some shit again?”, he asked, his hazel eyes darting over your face as if he could read the answer off of it while you could feel words beginning to press out of your lips, leaving the muddled mess your mind had become. “No…just saw him from afar, he didn’t come close but I bet if Caleb wouldn’t have been with me-”, with that you stopped, realizing too late that bringing Caleb into this was for sure not the best idea before you caught how the muscles in Negan’s cheeks twitched slightly, his lips formed into a slimmer line while something else mixed into his eyes, giving the concern company. He was trying to hold it back, you could tell, trying to persuade himself that he should just be glad that there had been someone with you at that time. But just as much as your muddled head didn’t allow you to fully think clearly, as much could you see that there was something boiling deep within him, no matter if he liked it or not. “He was just kind to accompany me till here”, you began, your tone soft as you were trying to find a way to put the puzzle parts together and tell him about your whole day without confusing yourself or him ,”He was at the infirmary to give me some food they brought from the hilltop ‘cause we all didn’t have much for lunch and i just had some fight with tara and my day’d went fucking downhill from there on and he just stayed to cheer me up, I-” You stopped again. You weren’t making anything better, fuck, you were just getting yourself further into this. “Sure”, Negan said, his voice tough but still letting it shimmer through that he was having a battle with himself while you could feel more restlessness in you growing. You didn’t want this now, you had waited countless hours to just come here and finally be able to let your guards down and relax, but instead this day seemed to be damned to just get worse. “Like I said, he was just being nice”, you said, your tone still soft but mixed with a reassuring firmness while much to your bother, Negan let a small, humorless chuckle out and nodded slowly. “Yeah, that’s what he always is”, he said, his voice a weird mix of sarcasm and the tiny part in him that was still trying to keep it together, “I know those kinda fucking guys.” The last part was in a lower tone, as if he was grumbling it to himself as his glance left yours while you could feel the frustration flaring up in you again, taking the last defense of your strained nerves down to conquer your body anew and take control of it. “Negan, I had a fucking shit day”, it blustered out of you, his eyes darting at yours the moment he heard the distress in your voice while a thick lump began to grow in your throat, filled with all the emotions the day had thrown at you ,”All I fucking wanted this whole damn time was get here and see you, I don’t wanna start a fight about some shit like that.” A deep, shivering breath fell from your lips as you stared at him, seeing how his eyes began to soften by the sound of your last sentence before guilt began to sneak into them as soon as your voice had hushed and you noticed that your eyes had turned clouded by the few tears the lump in your throat had forced up. “Alright, I-…shit, I’m sorry”, he said, his voice beginning to soften as much as his eyes had before while he slowly began to tighten his arms gently around you, trying to find out if you let him. “I just-”, he began, struggling to find the right words as his eyes wandered over your face, saying more than thousands words could. A sigh left your lips as you looked at him, gulping slightly as you saw more worry mixing into his eyes. “You still wanna come here? Tell big ol’ Negan ‘bout this crap day?” His eyes were brushing over yours, a deeply apologetic glance stuck in them. “Wanna make your day better, not fucking worse with my jealous fucking ass”, he grumbled, his thumb slowly caressing over your back as you looked into his genuine eyes before you slowly began to nod. “If that jealous ass eases up, then yeah, I still want that”, you mumbled, a tiny smile sneaking into the corners of your lips before a small and relieved chuckle fell from his lips. “Oh he’ll do that for fucking sure, I fucking promise that”, Negan mumbled, pulling you closer into his embrace as soon as you let him just for you to finally feel like you can let go as soon as you could cuddle yourself closer against his warmth and close your eyes.
As the sun had almost fully beat the retreat and the kerosene lamp next to the bed was already throwing its faint light against the stone walls, you were laying next to Negan, cuddled up against his side after you had finished telling him everything about the several past hours, about everything that had wrecked your nerves and turned you into the mess you had been when you had arrived at the cell. Negan had kept cradling you against his chest, soothing you and asking you about everything until you could tell that he was sure that everything was off your chest. All while he had kept his little promise, even though you hadn’t gone into detail with your conversation with Caleb, you didn’t need to unnecessary throw wood into a fire, especially since this conversation wasn’t all too important and besides that, you were sure that you wouldn’t be without jealously if the roles were reversed. Besides, Negan was in here for just about two weeks and to no ones surprise, this was dreading harshly on his nerves too. You could often see him swinging between still acting as if he was the leader who was still in charge of everything around him and the dark moments that made him realize that he was a locked up prisoner instead. “Feelin’ a bit better?”, Negan’s deep voice drawled as he pressed a kiss to your temple, cradling you a little tighter as you slowly began to nod. “Yeah”, you mumbled, nuzzling your face deeper into his warm skin before you pressed a soft kiss against his neck that quickly let a deep hum rumble through Negan’s chest. “Wanna feel even better?”, he asked, a soft chuckle leaving his lips before you slowly lifted your head from his shoulder to look into his slightly grinning face ad gave him a questioning look. “Before you came here Roger boy said I got water for two hours, got about an hour left now…you wanna come with me?”, he asked, biting his lower lip slightly as he raised his brows, “I mean that water’s probably still dick shrinking cold but I promise I’ll make it fun. Gonna be a damn fine distraction.”
It didn’t need more than another one of his roguish grins to persuade you from his idea which quickly let you find yourself stripped down to nothing by Negan himself in the small wanna-be bathroom that was only enlightened by the bit of light that could slip from the cell through the narrow opening in the stone wall to you. Negan’s grin had grown even bigger, his body was close enough to yours to let you feel the warmth that was radiating from it as he grabbed the handle of the shower, reluctant at first. “Afraid he’ll shrink too much?”, you teased with a chuckle as Negan’s wolfish glance shot quickly up and a devilish smirk plastered over his lips. “Nah, got you with me to let him grow again lickety-fucking-split”, he chuckled, his hand reaching up to give your waist a teasing squeeze before he turned the shower slowly on and raised his brows as soon as the water began to hit his bare skin. “Seems like we got some damn luck today. Shit’s at least lukewarm”, he chuckled, glancing back up to you before you stepped closer, still feeling his warm, large hand on your body until the water began to pelt down on you as well. It really was lukewarm, enough so it was still somehow pleasant to feel it running down your skin before the feeling got quickly drowned out by Negan’s arms wrapping around you, pulling you close until you were pressed against him. A deep rumble let his body vibrate against you as soon as your hands ran up his skin, over the dark curls that peppered his firm chest while you glanced up at him until his hazel eyes could capture yours. Slowly, he leaned down, his lips meeting yours within seconds as his kiss and his touches seemed to slowly wash a bit of the left tension out of you. His beard stubble tickled you slightly as he placed another peck on your lips before leaning back and looking at you for a moment, a smile sneaking into the grin that was still painted on his face before his arms left your body, letting him turn to his side to grab the bar of soap that was resting in a small metal basket on the ground. “This fucker isn’t as damn nice as the shit we had at the Sanctuary…hell, this all isn’t that fucking great but-…hope this is still gonna make ya feel better”, he said the moment he stood right in front of you again, a bit of the sorrow he seemed to try his best to suppress still swinging in his voice before he glanced up at you. A forced up, even a little desperate smile was pressed into the grin that had become smaller before you let the corners of his your lips curl up as you wrapped your arms around his neck and pressed a soft kiss over his lips. “It already is”, you mumbled against his skin, leaning a bit back to give him another smile that let his signature grin grow on his lips again.
The water kept on pelting down on you, the pressure varying as drastically as you had expected from the poor pipes in the unfinished house but as soon as you felt Negan’s touch on you again, you couldn’t care less. He was running the soap slowly over your skin, circling it over your shoulders, down the valley of your breasts, along your sides and your stomach while his other hand was keeping you close to him and let warm shivers run down your body. With each little moment you felt him close, the built up suspense seemed to leave your body a bit more, allowing you to sink into a comfortable bubble that excluded anything but you both and this small room. Soon enough Negan ran the soap down your back, before turning you around to let his hands wander over your skin, over the muscles that ached slightly from the work at the crops. Slowly, he found each of the little spots that bothered you, letting you relax beneath his touch and his soothing hands that kept massaging and pampering you. His fingers drew circles over the back of your neck, before they wandered over your shoulders and then down your sides, putting pressure on them at the very right places while you began to relax more and more.
You kept staying in this bubble as you found yourself in Negan’s embrace, your back pressed against his chest, with his arms keeping you as close as possible while his face was buried in the crook of your neck, his soft lips kissing the sensitive skin while the drastic contrast of his rough beard stubble was creating a pleasant sensation deep within you. With your eyes closed and content hums leaving your lips your hands laid on his own, your fingers tracing softly over his while Negan playfully tugged on your skin, chuckling deeply as you flinched slightly in response but then immediately melted against him. You could feel your longing for him pool in your middle, only strengthened by the way you could feel him slowly growing hard against you while deep hums and growls let his chest vibrate against your back. Slowly, one of Negan’s large hands left your soft grasp and travelled down your body, his fingertips brushing over your skin until you felt him finding your sweetest spots. A hum left your lips as soon as you felt him beginning to circle his fingers in slow movements over the sensitive flesh, while more water ran down your body and mixed its sensation with the ones of the kisses Negan’s warm lips were still pressing in over your neck. One by one, you could feel his fingers finding an intoxicating rhythm, could feel him grinding himself more against you, just to gradually turn your knees weaker with every touch and every passing second. A soft moan was falling from your lips as his fingers kept on pampering your clit, heating your body more and more up right until the moment a wince was leaving your lips as you felt the sudden loss of his touch. “Oh Baby, you’ll get more”, Negan chuckled, reassuring you as he turned you around in his arms, leading you closer towards the wall until the cold stone was pressing against your back while his warm body quickly captured yours again within his embrace. His lips found yours in a yearning kiss, swallowing the small hums and moans that left your lips in response to his touch before you slowly slid your hands down his sides, in between your bodies to give him a little bit of the caress back he had given you until you were quickly stopped. “Uh-Uh”, Negan grumbled with a chuckle against your lips, his fingers grasping around your wrist as he backed a little away, grinning at you as a wolfish glance was filling his eyes ,”Let Daddy take care of ya.” Biting his lip he looked at you, loosening his hold on you again while your brows puckered in surprise as soon as he closed the distance between your bodies again. “What? Just wanna make you feel fucking good after this shit ass day”, he said, leaning in to press another kiss to your lips before his own began to travel down your neck again and left a warm path along your wet skin. “Just ‘bout you now”, he mumbled against your skin, his large hands grabbing your waist as you could feel a smile growing on your lips and felt the fuzzy warmth within you mixing with the yearning heat. Slowly, Negan leaned back for a moment, his hazel eyes meeting yours in the faint light as he gave you another smirk and rose his deep voice, ”So lean back and enjoy the damn show.”
And you did so, longing to relax more after this frustrating day and even more so longing to feel him as close as you could. And It didn’t take long until he was giving you anything you could yearn for. His lips were caressing over yours again, switching perfectly in-between deep, rough and passionate kisses, and soft ones that let you carefully feel his every bit of him. His hands were all over you, feeling you up, fondling your breasts and brushing over just the right spots until they had found their place and brought you the pleasure they had already given you before as his fingers were pampering your clit again, first almost torturously slow before putting more pressure and passion into each touch that let the heat in you flare up. Your soft moans began to echo through the small room as soon as his lips left yours, beginning to travel south, kissing along your shoulder and your collarbones, before wandering down until his lips could suck softly on your nipples and his tongue could draw slow but intoxicating circles around the sensitive buds. Your hands found their way quickly into his dark and wet hair, gripping it as soon as you could feel him beginning to tease his fingers along your soaked core while his lips kept traveling further down, until they could find your pulsing clit as his knee hit the cement floor. “Just for you”, he grumbled with a chuckle as soon as you glanced down to his kneeling position that let a small laugh escape your lips which quickly turned into a heavy moan within the moment his fingers pushed deeply inside you and his lips and tongue began to use their magic on your sensitive and yearning flesh. You were losing yourself in him, more and more with every second, with each grip of his large hand on your hip, with each deep thrust of his fingers into your heat, with each bit he turned you more into a trembling and moaning mess, with each flick of his tongue against your clit, with each bit his rough beard stubble sent pleasant shivers down your spine, with every bit he gave you until he drove you over the edge and let an intoxicating orgasm rumble through your whole body that left you shaking within its aftershocks.
You were slumped against him as you first found yourself diving out of the trance he had set you in, your body was like molten against his, only held up by the strong embrace he had captured you in. A big smile was plastered all over your lips as your head was leaned against his warm neck, your eyes closed as you took his comforting scent in and felt the last water drops hitting your skin before the pipes would give up for today. The day had been pushed somewhere far into the depths of the back of your head, formed into something so small that it didn’t even matter right in these moments. Right now, what really mattered was that you were captured in a pair of strong arms that kept you far away from the sorrow the day had brought, that made it feel like everything was actually fine. And those moments proved more than enough that it had been more than worth to wait all these countless hours for exactly this, for something no one else could give you, no fucking matter if there were thick stone walls around you, if there was a shower that acted as if it would die any moment or if there was only a cheap bed in the edge of a cell. It didn’t matter a single bit, the only thing that mattered was the man who was still holding you in his warm and strong embrace right now.
Only the faint light from the high windows was streaming into the cell when Negan found himself laying in the cheap bed again, wide awake in the middle of the night, looking at the very much sleeping bundle in his arms, curled up to his side, with her head resting on his chest and her steady breath hitting his skin. It calmed him a little down, this warmth beside him and was usually enough to let him sooner or later fall asleep as well, but this night was different. A deep sigh left his lips, the vibration making her shift slightly in her sleep, letting him freeze the moment he felt her movements, not wanting to wake her up before she quickly took that worry away from him as she nuzzled her head into his skin again. Slowly, Negan shifted his head, enough so he could press a kiss on her forehead, just to eventually lean his head against hers and wrap his arms a little tighter around her body that quickly let a fuzzy warmth in him grow. Hell, she really was doing some things to him. She gave his heart a rock hard boner, or no, that was a understatement, she made that heart boner cum hard in thick fucking spurts from some giant balls that wouldn’t ever drain. Yeah, that was probably the best description about his feelings in his words even though, and he had a bit of a hard time to admit that, he could find overly sappy and cringe-worthy romantic movie words for them as well. And that with more ease than ever.
It actually filled him with pride to see her that peacefully asleep in his arms, with her guards completely down and calmed down from the shit day that laid past her. He really couldn’t deny that he was feeling like a proud fucker, right up until the point where he wasn’t, where the thoughts that were keeping him awake this night sneaked up again and tried to punch down any fine feeling that was trying to build up in him. And there was something – someone – else that made those thoughts even worse. This fucker out there, who was playing the role he should be playing. He should have been there to calm her down after the fight with Tara. He should have been there to cheer her up after things went downhill at the infirmary, make her laugh until she couldn’t breathe with his dirty jokes or distract her the way he liked to do it. Hell, he should have been there when she had been outside and had seen Daryl. He should have been there. But he wasn’t. He was in this dark shit cell.
He could feel frustration and jealousy boiling up in him just the second he began to think about it, feeling their steam rise up until they built questions in his head that bounced relentlessly around in his skull like fucking ping pong balls. Was that all enough for her long term when she had so much more outside waiting for her? Just him in this goddamned cell? Every night on this crappy ass bed? Hell, she deserved better than this all and maybe it was just a matter of time till she would realized that. He trusted her with his life, no question, and he didn’t ever see her as the one to just leave him if things got though, they had been through way too much already to believe that. But could he blame her if this shit here would be too much at some point? He hated to admit it but no, he couldn’t. He couldn’t stand this hellhole as well, and he was only locked up for about two damn weeks, there were so many fucking countless days to come. Some day, he thought, he probably would come out, see what the fuck Rick the fucking prick was trying to build but till then, a long time would pass. So what the hell could he give her in here? A good fuck? Yes, that was about it and even though he liked to believe that his dick could solve as good as any problem, he knew that this wasn’t actually the reality. And the longer he was alone with his thoughts, the more they were trying to eat him up. He had never been able to make everything the way he wanted up to Lucille, and now that he had a second chance, he couldn’t give her as much as she deserved too. He was doomed to fuck this up as well, earlier or later, and anytime this thought sneaked up in his head a rush of nausea washed over him, almost swallowing him completely. A shivering breath left his tensed up body as he cradled the sleeping figure in his arms as close as he could against himself, holding her tight as he closed his eyes, asking himself if the nights he would be able to do this were already counted.
The sun was slipping its first sun rays into the cell when Negan’s eyes fluttered open, only after they had rested for not more than two hours, maybe three, if he was lucky. Quietly, he cleared his throat, feeling the slight itching of the new bandaid that was pressing over his wound as he was shifting a little against the pillow beneath his head before his drowsy glance fell on (Y/N) in his arms, still as peacefully asleep as he had lastly found her. For a moment he tried to push the dark thoughts from last night out of his mind and let his head lean against hers again to maybe catch a bit more sleep, even though it probably were just a few damn minutes. Just as his eyes shut again and he could feel the sleep trying to grasp him,the echoing footsteps down the stairs by the cell let his eyes shoot open again, provoking a pissed grunt to fall from his lips. “Roger, you fucking early bastard”, he grumbled under his breath, turning his head to face the metal bars so he could see what kind of bullshit his guard was about to create now. It was way too early to get his girl out of the cell, so why the fuck was he down here? Hoping to get a glimpse at his glorious morning boner? Well pardon Sir, gotta disappoint you, that fuckers out of order this morning due to fucking sleep de-fucking-privation…or some other shit. A heavy breath left Negan’s lips as he still heard more footsteps echoing through the walls, and normally he would have put on a teasing remark for his guard, enjoy to annoy some more the shit out of this guy but for the sake of her sleep, he passed on that today. Negan still expected to see the tall, dark haired guy to turn up in front of the metal bars, with the same ol’ face expression that let him think that he might constantly had a stick rammed up his ass but instead another guy, someone he couldn’t remember to have seen before, stood at the door, glancing at him. Instead of Roger that guy was blonde and a good couple of years younger, but tall as well, not as tall as he himself, nor as tall as his usual grumpy guard but still tall. He didn’t have much of the I-got-a-stick-up-my-ass expression on his face, but at the moment, Negan couldn’t care less. The only thing he began to care about was where that guys eyes were wandering, and they weren’t wandering to him, they were wandering to the sleeping figure in his arms, sticking to her enough to let a certain annoyance grow in his body. “So, who are you?”, Negan grumbled, his eyes already narrowed as he finally got that fuckers glance away from his girl. “Your new guard”, the man said, letting out a small sigh before he rose his voice again, “They wanted to have Roger on the team for the windmill for the next few days. So for now, I’ll take his shifts over.” “Well, then hello new guard”, Negan said, his voice still drowsy and cold as his eyes wandered over the man’s face, trying to find out what was bothering him about it other than the fact that his glance was still switching obviously often and way more than he liked to his still thankfully sleeping girl. “Well, see you later then”, his guard said, shifting uneasily over the floor before he gave him quick nod and turned towards the door that lead upstairs, beginning to beat retreat. “Hey, what’s your name, boy?”, Negan asked just as he began to hear the dull footsteps sounding over the cement floor, before they came closer again until the blonde man was looking right at him again as he rose his voice. “Caleb.”