Slowly, Negan’s fingers ran through your hair, his fingertips massaging your scalp soothingly while he held you tightly in his arms. Your breath was by now calm again and softly hit the skin of his neck as you nuzzled your face deeper into the nook of his shoulder. You could still feel the tears on your skin that were dry by now and left an ugly tension behind, just like you could feel the slight dampness of Negan’s white shirt beneath your face. Negan’s soft and quiet hums rumbled through his throat and let his neck gently vibrate against you the same way his chest did beneath your hand. The deepness of his voice was calming, just like the slight vibrating as he cradled you against his body to hold you a little closer.
Slowly, his head that still rested against yours turned a bit until his lips could press a small kiss on your temple, his beard stubble tickling you slightly as his hand moved gradually out of your hair, stroke first over your jaw and found its way then to the back of your neck just to let his fingers circle over your skin. He was completely enclosing you, his scent, his arms, his warmth, his legs that were placed around you as you were huddled up in his lap and cuddled yourself as much into his embrace and warmth as you could.
“Feelin’ a bit fucking better, Baby?”, you heard him quietly ask, his hot breath hitting your face as he pulled you a little closer. “Yes…thank you…for being there”, you mumbled quietly, your voice sill slightly strained from the torture of crying you had put it through before you could feel his lips curling slightly up against your skin. “Always gonna be”, he mumbled, as the caressing movements of his fingers still continued,”You’ve always got me, you know that right?” “Yeah…”, you mumbled back, your hand running up his chest to his shoulders until you could wrap your arm around his neck to hug him as tightly back as he was holding you. You could hear his quiet exhaling as the smile grew bigger on his lips as he pulled you even closer and pressed his lips anew on your skin while his hand ran back into your hair. Finally feeling how the last bit of tension and miserableness left your body, you could let go again, just let yourself fall and just feel the lightheartedness you were longing so much for. And as you then heard those three little words leaving his lips and felt his arms wrapping protectingly around you as if they were ready to shield you from any arm no matter of its size, you realized once again that you had found your safe haven in him.
A little belated imagine for Mother’s Day, anyway hope you enjoy it!
The sun was already shining softly through the windows as the lack of your husband’s arms around you began to wake you up, combined with the soft kicking of your unborn daughter that let you eventually completely escape the sleep’s grasp. Quietly yawning you opened your eyes, your sleepy and still a little muddled glance searching for Negan before you heard his voice on the floor and began to slowly remember what kind of day was today. “There we go”, you heard Negan quietly and still drowsily say before you heard your son’s yawn being followed by his dad’s familiar throaty chuckle ,”You look like a fucking rockstar with that damn bedhead.” “Alright, now we really gotta get downstairs”, you heard his voice again, trying to keep quiet before you heard quick but small footsteps rushing down the stairs,“Hey Buddy, be fucking careful-” “Now if I had your energy in the fucking mornings…”, Negan’s deep voice followed the steps with a chuckling huff before his heavy steps made their way down the stairs. “Daddy?”, you heard your son’s voice ask, now sounding quieter than before as they headed further away. “Yeah, Bud?”, Negan voice asked, a small yawn interrupting him before you heard a door shut.
You could hear them rummaging in the kitchen as a smile formed on your face while you heard their laughs and voices mixing, before they got more silent again as Negan must have remembered that his plan still implied to not wake you up and keep you in the land of slumber. Quietly yawning you sunk a little deeper into the pillows, trying to keep yourself comfortable as you pulled the sheets a little more over your body. For a bit, your eyes closed again, letting you dwell somewhere between being awake and dozing softly away. The air filled with the delicious scent of baking pancakes and brewing coffee before you heard the door opening again, just like Negan’s deep voice.
“Holy hell, now how did you get that batter off? That shit was fucking everywhere”, you heard him ask with a soft chuckle. “Balu licked it up”, your son’s voice said just as his words let you directly picture how your dog took gladly care of the mess of batter and half baked pancakes your son must have created. “Oh my…”, Negan chuckled, the throatiness and deepness of his laugh rumbling through his chest as you could hear him trying to stifle it to not let it form into the booming and loud laugh you knew too well as well. “Okay, then we’ll get the rest off now, ya coming with me, Bud?”, you heard him ask just before the mix of his heavy and your son’s small footsteps mixed as the wooden floorboards squeaked quietly beneath them.
Feeling how a bigger smile grew on your lips you cuddled yourself a little more into the sheets, your eyes laying on the leant door before you felt the soft kicking of your baby daughter again. Smiling you let your hand slide down to your stomach while you were more than glad that she was turning her kicks into a morning routine instead of a nightly workout. Slowly you let your fingers begin to draw small circles over the soft fabric of your loose nightdress just as she kicked again. If Negan was next to you in bed now, he’d be looking widely smiling at your baby bump, letting his large hand rest on your skin to feel the next kick just to excitedly grin and softly chuckle as soon as he could feel it. He was still acting with the very same excitement about every kick he could feel as he have had in your first pregnancy, with the only exception that he was now also motivating your son to be just as excited about the kicks of his little sister.
The sound of footsteps coming up the stairs dragged you out of your thoughts just before you heard them coming a little closer to the bedroom. “Alright Buddy, we gotta be quiet. We want it to be a fuckin’ surprise for Mommy, right?”, you heard Negan quietly say, just as you had to keep a chuckle in to keep them in the illusion that you were still sleeping and hadn’t woken up before they had even started to turn their surprise plans into reality. “Perfect, got your presents ready, big guy?”, you heard your husband ask next while the tasty scent of the pancakes he must carry with him was beginning to fill the air more and more up. “Will Mommy like it?”, you heard your son mumble just before you heard Negan’s voice sounding through to you once again. “Of course she will, you made it. She’ll fucking love it” They shifted a little more over the floorboards until you heard Negan’s chuckle rumbling through his chest. “Ah wait, shit Buddy you still got some fucking pancake batter in your hair”, he mumbled, chuckling quietly once again as you heard their voices right before the door. You closed your eyes, pretending to be still asleep while trying your very best to keep the small grin and smile off your lips as you quietly leaned a little deeper into the soft pillows. “Alright, here you go”, you heard Negan say just before you could hear the door beginning to slowly open ,“ Now lets get inside, Bud.”
Softly you heard your son taping over the floor, followed by his dad’s heavy footsteps, before you could hear him climbing up the bed. Slowly, he began to shift over to you as you still tried to do your very best to look as asleep as you could until you felt your sons small hand placing on your arm. “Mommy, wake up”, you heard him quietly say as he stroke over your arm just before you opened your eyes and saw into his widely smiling face and the familiar hazel eyes. “Hey, Boo”, you said softly, your eyes wandering to his arms that were carrying his presents for you, struggling to keep all of them in his small embrace as your glance trailed over them. A self-drawn picture, a light pink rose of which Negan must’ve cut the thorns off earlier and a light blue package that was carrying your favorite body butter inside which the both of them must have secretly bought. “Happy Mother’s Day”, he said smiling, finally releasing his presents right next to you. “Aw thank you”, you said with a happy smile as you sat yourself a little up and opened your arms for him as he chuckled softly, “Come here.” Feeling him falling dashingly into your embrace as he hugged you, you wrapped your arms around his small body and finally saw Negan coming towards you, carrying a tablet with the pancakes and some hot steaming coffee. He had a mix of a big smile and a smirk planted across his face, his tongue slid slowly over his lower lip before he placed the tablet right next to you on the nightstand and leaned down to let his lips meet yours. Gently, his lips caressed yours as his beard stubble tickled you, his hand slightly cupping the side of your face before he let go. “Happy Mother’s Day, Sweetheart. You’re the fucking best”, he mumbled against your lips with another smile before backing slightly away as he sat himself next to you on the edge of the bed. “This is awesome, thank you both”, you said brightly smiling, feeling how your son moved slowly out of your embrace before he could sit himself up. Slowly, he leaned himself down until he could lay his head on your bump just like Negan had shown him and told him that his baby sister was for sure gonna feel when he was hugging your belly. Smiling you let your glance wander back to Negan as he looked smirking at you, his dark hair still a little tousled from the night just before he leaned in to you again and gave you another soft peck. “Got some other fucking present for tonight too”, you heard him mumble quietly but audibly grinning and with that wolfish tone of his into your ear before you left out a chuckle and shoved his chest playfully just to hear his throaty chuckle rumbling up his throat. “She kicked, Mommy!”, your son suddenly enthusiastically called out just as you could feel your daughter moving again. “Yeah, she’s excited too”, you chuckled, stroking softly over your son’s back as he looked abuzz at your belly just before you could hear Negan’s chuckle once again, followed by his deep voice. “Alright so you’re gonna try our kickass pancakes now, Baby?”
Shortly after the world has gone south, the Reader meets the man she thought she would never see again
Request: “Could you do a Negan x reader story where it’s near the beginning of the outbreak and they end up helping each other through?” I had to change it a bit up to make the story properly work, but I hope y’all enjoy reading!
Soft sun rays streamed through the dusty windows as you slowly walked through the house, the floorboards creaking quietly beneath your shoes and the wooden handle of your knife securely in your hand as your eyes were attentively wandering over every possible source of a danger. Deadly danger to be exact, walkers that could have been just months or rather a good bunch of weeks ago living people you would see strolling over the street, talking to each other about the weather or complaining about their god awful jobs. Now they were nothing more than walking corpses, trying to rip the flesh off of your bones to assuage their seemingly unsatisfiable hunger and to strike you down just to eventually turn you after an unbearable torture of fever and sickness into one of them. Everything had happened so damn fast that it still sometimes felt as if you would wake up out of a nightmare any time. But you didn’t, this was the reality and you had to live with it, just like you had to live with the things you had seen and experienced over the last weeks that couldn’t have been any worse. A thick lump began to grow back in your throat as memories began to pop up in your mind, the tingling in your nose started to become heavier as tears began to shoot into your eyes just by the thought of the ones you had lost in this short period of time. The pain was still unbearable, your only option was suppressing it and bottling it securely up if you didn’t want it to tear you even more apart than it already had. With a shaky breath you looked down at yourself, your glance catching the knife in your hand your mom had carried with herself just until a week ago. Just until you had lost her as well, just like anybody else before. The damn knife was the very last thing you had left from anyone of your family, the very last thing you could hold onto even though it was just some wood and a blade. Everything else was gone, everyone else was gone.
Chocking back the tears that wanted to fight for their release you bit your lip, trying to keep the grief from taking over as you slowly made your way over to a wooden commode. Carefully you opened the first drawer that was filled with nothing but bills and other random paperwork of the person who must have lived here before. With a huff you closed it again, your eyes wandering for a short moment around yourself to make sure that you were still alone before you moved on to the second drawer, a small part of you hoping that you would at least find something useful there.
Your hands ran through it the drawer that seemed to have been store for odds and ends before your glance caught a small black and plastic wrapper, it’s surface adorned with some pretty golden font that was oddly familiar to you while its writing told you about its inside. A chocolate filled cookie. A small chuckling scoff left your lips as you picked it up, finding yourself being thrown at with memories once again. For anyone else this would have been just a lucky catch, a chocolate cookie in the goddamn apocalypse was after all a pretty nice treat but for you, this pastry meant more, way more to you. It brought you right back to the time the world hadn’t been roamed by the dead, to the time where you still had the small side job in the local coffee house and even more, it brought you back to a special costumer of yours.
The coffee house was surprisingly chock-full as you heard the voices of the chatting costumers mixing with the busy ones of your colleagues while you filled new milk into the coffee machine, glad to be able to stay at the bar instead of having to run through the bustling people. Grabbing a small cloth you cleaned the wooden counter up, keeping an eye on walk-in costumers before your eyes caught someone walking through the door. A tall man, with dark, if not black hair that was carefully slicked back, a salt and pepper beard was lingering around his lips that seemed as if they were constantly curled into a small grin or smirk and hazel eyes that could glue anyone right to the spot. You had seen him pretty often here over the last time but had never been the one to take his order even though today seemed to be the very day this was gonna change.
Watching your colleagues buzzing busily through the room you caught him walking towards you, his eyes darting at you before he leaned himself against the counter and looked grinning at you. ”Hey, two coffees to-go please”, he said, his deep voice letting a shiver run through your body before you internally scolded and pulled yourself together. ”With sugar or milk?”, you asked with a friendly smile, beginning to let the coffee machine pour the dark liquid into two paper cups. ”One with milk, the other black”, he said, the grin still lingering on his lips while his tongue slowly slid over his lower lip, before it got captured between his teeth. ”Sure thing”, you said, feeling how his hazel eyes that were still darting at you began to let you feel their effect more than you liked to admit. ”Alright, here you go”, you eventually said, with the two ready coffees in your hands just before placing them in front of him on the counter. Quickly, you crouched down to get two cookies for each coffee out of the small and different boxes beneath the bar, before your hasty hands grabbed them. Standing back up, you reached out to place them next to the cups, your mind swinging somewhere else than you wanted before you felt the hot surface of the cups touching your knuckles and the next thing you heard was the man’s gasp.
With widened eyes they caught the coffee cup falling down against his pants, a storm of curse words whirling immediately through your head. Great job, great fucking job. “Fuck”, you gasped, already making your way around the bar to walk over to him, your head turning with each moment more into the shade of a ripe tomato, “Oh god, I’m so sorry.” “it’s fucking fine”, he calmly said, picking up the cup and placing it back on the countertop before he stroke over the coffee daubed part of his shirt and pants. “Wait, I’ll get you some wet cloth”, you quickly said, your mind still scolding yourself as you rushed back behind the corner to grab a small towel before wetting it thoroughly. Now you had this handsome costumer for fucking once and sure, you just had to fuck it up and be a little damn wreck. God, what the hell was wrong with you? “Might be a little better here”, you heard him say as you looked back up, catching him trying to get out of the way of the people and your busy colleagues while he nodded into the hallway that lead into the café’s back. “Yeah, probably”, you said back, forcing a small smile onto your lips as you walked with him back into the hallway.
“Shit”, you mumbled just a bit later, your hand sliding covered in the wet cloth over his pant’s side, “I’m sorry, really” “No fucking problem, we might just get in trouble if your boss comes in now”, you heard his deep voice chuckle quietly before you looked irritated up at him. “Why?”, you asked before you saw his fingers making a swift movement around you, your mind beginning to realize what your crouching and more than suggestive position in front of him had to look like to anyone who would walk in now. “Oh…shit”, you scoffed, the blush that had vanished over the last minutes from your face coming back up again as it heated your cheeks up. Other costumers would have made a big deal out of it all, but he was actually being really nice and calm, cracking a joking remark here and there as if he was trying to loose you up as well. And you couldn’t deny that he was successful with it.
“If you’re coming late to work because of this I’m sorry”, you mumbled, finally seeing how the color of the coffee was beginning to fade. “No not work”, he said as the wet cloth slid over the white shirt ,”My wife’s in the hospital right down the street, I was early anyway. Gotta thank you, now I don’t have to wait in those cold ass hallways. Gonna be right on point after her radiotherapy-” Right there he stopped, the amused sound in his voice vanished as your eyes glimpsed up, realizing what radiotherapy meant for the reason his wife was in hospital. “Cancer…I uhm-”, he began, letting out a humorless, even nervous chuckle before he gulped down while you could feel all kinds of feelings from before vanishing out of your mind and body and instead got replaced with compassion. You knew what this kind of illness was doing to people and their loved ones, you had experienced it as a kid with one of your family members as well and now, there was this man standing in front of you, clearly uncomfortable and trying to get himself out of the mess he was sliding in. “She likes that coffee here best, so I guess that’s gonna make her day a little better”, you heard him quickly add, trying to get back to the casual and confident attitude he was usually carrying while forcing the grin back on his lips. “Yeah I’m sure of that. Also ‘cause the coffee in hospitals is always pretty shitty”, you added with a small smile, trying to loose the situation a bit up. “Hell yes, that some crappy gnat’s piss there… and they don’t have those great ass cookies. She fucking loves those fuckers with the chocolate mousse filling”, he added with a chuckle, the smile and grin on his lips now completely genuine as he had seemingly shook the tension off himself. “Oh yes, they’re the best.”
“The coffees are on me,…the cookies too”, you said a bunch of minutes later, as you placed the fresh coffees on the counter and a good handful of the chocolate filled cookies as well. “But they’re-”, he began, pointing at the cookies with a confused glance and puckered brows before you cut him off. “I know, it’s the little things, right?”, you said with a small smile, before you saw the one one his face widening. “Yeah”, he said with a smile as well, scratching his palm over his beard stubble ,“Holy hell, then thank you, bet that’s gonna make her day.” He gave you another smile as he grabbed the coffees and the cookies before´giving you a chuckling nod. “Till next time, coffee house girl.”
That was his nickname for you from this day on and just like the nickname sticked with you and escaped his lips anytime he stepped into the café, you kept on giving him the handful of chocolate filled cookies for his wife with him until it became some kind of tradition. Somehow you liked the idea of letting someone in hospital light up and even though they were just some cookies, you knew that those little things could actually bring up more happiness than one would guess. So he kept on coming into the coffee house, mostly every day, then other times with one or two days in between but he always ignored the other colleagues and walked straight up to you. It were always the two coffees and the cookies just like a talk about everything and anything, filled with his special kind of humor and with time, even some more serious topics. And next to the days you were at the café, he was quick with pointing the ones you weren’t there out too as he always ironically, dramatically and with a big grin on his lips complained about those days on which he didn’t get to make you blush, laugh or even cringe with his remarks and just got two cookies for him and his wife, that were to cap it all not even chocolate filled. You hadn’t even known his name for the most time but still, you couldn’t deny that you had caught yourself looking out for him on the usual times he came in and liking the small chats you had when you were preparing his coffees. Actually, they were even like a small break from the busy shifts.
“There she is, my favorite coffee house girl”, the familiar deep voice boomed as you watched him walking towards the bar and straight into your direction. “As always?”, you asked with a small chuckle as he leaned himself against the counter and rested his elbows on the dark wood. “Yep, as fucking always”, he said with a big grin, running his hand over the salt and pepper beard before you reached down to the box for the cookies with chocolate mousse filling. Crouching, you grabbed the last five ones of them that were lingering in the box’s back before standing back up and placing them onto the counter. “You’re lucky, these are our last ones with chocolate filling”, you said, nodding to the cookies as you began to make the coffees. “Well then thank fucking god”, he said with a small chuckle before he raised his voice again,“But I bet you would’ve kept those locked up for your favorite costumer, huh?” “Of course”, you chuckled, placing the first coffee next to the cookies while a throaty laugh left his lips. “By now, I got the feeling my wife likes you better than me”, he chuckled while a small laughing snort left your lips. “Now you should get them in the bag before my colleagues catch me”, you said, nodding towards the cookies before he grabbed them and got them into his pocket. “Feels like were dealing some kinda shit drugs”, he chuckled before he leaned himself back against the counter and looked at you, “And by the way, that shit has worked all the damn times before too.” “Nah not quite”, you said, as you saw the machine pouring the last bit of coffee into the second cup before your glance went back up at him. “Why?”, he asked, his brows puckering before the amused glance in his eyes began to vanish. “One of the others called me on about it”, you said with a small sigh, remembering the encounter about a week ago. “Shit, what did you say?”, he asked, his palm scratching over his stubbly cheek as his eyes were fixed on you. “That you paid extra for them”, you said as a small grin came back up onto your lips while you saw how his eyes lightened up again. “Good”, he said as you began to squeeze the plastic lid onto the coffee cup ,”Really don’t wanna get you in trouble for that.” “You don’t”, you said with a small smile, placing the second cup in front of him as he began to get his wallet out, his long fingers fumbling on the black leather. “Alright, then here you go”, he said with the mix of a smile and a smirk back as he placed the money in front of you before your eyes wandered in confusion over it. “That’s too much, way too-” “The rest’s for you and let me know some shit you like, can be what fucking ever. Just wanna give a bit back”, he said as your lips were still gaping surprised open while a small throaty chuckle rumbled through his chest. “That’s not necessary-” “It is”, he said, cutting you quickly off again before he gave you another smile, “Not only coming from me, also from the chocolate cookie loving woman in hospital and she’s insisting on it too.” “Alright, then thank you, and tell your wife thanks as well”, you said, the smile widening on your lips before you heard him speaking up as well. “Gonna do that for fucking sure. Oh and it’s Negan by the way, a bit fucking awkward that we still don’t know each other’s name after all that fucking time”, he chuckled but before you could respond you could hear the ringing of a phone coming out of his pant’s pocket, just before he let out a small huff, grabbed it, looked at the screen before looking back up to you. “Shit, gotta go. See ya tomorrow, coffee house girl.”
That was one of the last longer chats you had with him, after that, you could tell that his wife’s state was becoming worse with each day. He didn’t only come more rarely into the coffee house, the sorrow that must’ve eaten him more and more up had become visible with dark rings beneath his eyes, his hair hadn’t been as carefully slicked back as always and the grin that had normally lingered constantly on his lips had only curled slightly up for the bit he talked to you until he grabbed the coffees and cookies and made his way back to the hospital. Looking back, you couldn’t deny that you had caught yourself worrying more than once. But then a whole different problem emerged as the first news started to roll in, the first talks with friends about what the hell was going on started just like the thought that it was probably just a temporary problem until you were proved horribly wrong and had to see the madness with your own eyes.
“Can you get more coffee beans for the machine? They’re empty again”, Milly’s voice screeched loudly over the bar, her blonde hair hanging in messy strands into her face, almost symbolic for the stress the full coffee house was giving all of you before she stormed outside to the next costumers that were sitting down at the tables beneath the wide sunshades. Nodding you made your way into the back of the café until you had reached the small room filled with back ups before you began to search for another bag of coffee beans. “Oh come on”, you scoffed, your hands seeking unsuccessfully through the shelves until you finally got a glimpse of the brown bag you were searching for. Scoffing you grabbed its edge, just as a blood freezing scream made you flinch up, gun shots from outside booming into the coffee house as you already found yourself running with the bag in your arms back to the bar, driven by your instincts. As soon as your feet hit the wooden floor of the café, your eyes widened, your breath stopped and a mess of boiling heat and icy coldness ran through you by the scene that was playing in front of you. Milly’s face was wrenching in pain as she stumbled back into the coffee house, tears streaming over her face as she held her bleeding arm, a big wound in form of a bite boasting in her flesh, just like you had seen in all the news. People gathered around her, some staring, some trying to help while you stood in shook there, not able to move as the voices sounded muffled through your head, your eyes moving for a moment from your bleeding and screaming colleague to the outside where the gunshots were still booming. Police officers in harsh armor shot at a groaning men, their bullets hitting his body over and over again while none of them brought him to the ground. His eyes were wide open, glassy, more dead than alive, his skin deathly pale, his in Milly’s blood covered mouth gaping open as he stretched his arm out to the men. “We need to get her to the hospital”, you heard a panicking female voice scream before your eyes saw how the bullets hit the man’s head, teared it apart and seemingly let your heart stop.
That day the coffee house had closed right after Milly got taken to the hospital. As you had left the café you had still been completely shocked and paralyzed and little had you known that this had been the very last time that you’d seen this place. You could still see yourself walking hastily down the streets, your breath heavy and your heart pounding against your chest as you passed the hospital, a tiny part of your muddled mind shifting towards Negan and his wife and then back to Milly who must have thought in these moments that the doctors inside could still help her. Now she was dead and Negan probably too. Everybody you knew was gone.
Gulping harshly you twisted the cookie with your fingers before letting it slide into the pocket of your jacket. You had often damned the coffee house, had forced yourself to take the shifts in there but now you couldn’t deny that some of you missed it a little bit, maybe even more the talks with your indeed favorite costumer.
Huffing you tried to keep yourself from falling into more nostalgia as you began to search through the other drawers, actually finding some useful things even though you couldn’t deny that the cookie stayed your personal favorite.
The sun was already beginning to turn into its soft afternoon state as you made your way back out of the house, your backpack filled with some cans you had found inside that now chinked slightly with every step you took. Warm sun rays danced over your face as you strolled down the abandoned streets, your beloved knife always securely in your hand.
A few days passed and the cookie stayed in your jacket’s pocket. It was odd how people could get attached to such random things as soon as they carried memories or could be connected to something just in the tiniest way meaningful, how they took those things to grasp onto something and keep themselves going. And you knew that you definitely weren’t an exception. The knife, now the cookie, you were no bit better, actually, you were probably even an exhibit A for this phenomena.
Huffing quietly you made your way down an abandoned and narrow backroad through the forest, the blacktop filled with potholes and covered with dried leaves that showed that the influence of humanity was gradually retreating. Your mind was trying to figure out where you could spend the next night as your glance captured the way the sun began to vanish behind the skyline of the trees while the pretty and colorful sky would be more of a threat until you had found shelter for the night and the blustery darkness. Pondering you kept walking before you found yourself at the end of the path, now only trees and the underwoods emerging in front of you. Slowly, you made your way into the woods, grasping your knife a little tighter as you knew that behind every single one of these trees and bushes could wait an undead for you, ready to make you their dinner.
You kept on making your way through the forest, trying your best to avoid stumbling over the several roots and undergrowth that was trying to make it as hard as it could for you. Your senses were working flat out, your heart pumping a little harder against your chest than before as you suddenly heard the sound of footsteps. Unsure if your stressed and forcefully attentive mind was making you hallucinate you pressed yourself against the nearest, thick tree as a hide out before trying to find out if a walker or maybe even more were making their way into your direction. If it was one, you could take it out after those weeks of training without ending up as its snack, but killing a couple of these decomposing and flesh seeking corpses at once? No, you just weren’t capable to do that yet. Shoving yourself closer against the hard tree bark you listened closely, your pulse pounding louder in your ears as you could feel yourself tensing up while something got more and more clear to you. Those weren’t walker steps, they were way too steady and too heavy to resemble the stumbling and scuffing walk of the dead just in any way. That right there, was a human who was making their way closer towards you, a whole different threat than the dead, but still a threat. People were becoming more dangerous with everyday they were forced to survive in this world and with each and every moment they had to keep themselves alive no matter what it took. You had seen what people were becoming to be capable of and who the hell knew what this person somewhere near you was able to do to you if they would find you. Gulping you pressed yourself some more against the tree, the sudden cracking of a branch beneath your feet letting you flinch up as you pressed your lips on one another, forcing yourself to keep the shocked gasp in while you cursed yourself in your head. Tightening your grasp on your knife to be able to fight back if it came hard on hard you let out a quiet but shakily breath just before a familiar deep voice let you hold it.
“Any dead fucker there? Come on out, I’m fucking sure you wanna have a taste of this.” Within seconds your heart pounded even harder against your chest as you tried to find out if your mind was playing tricks on you or not. The tone, the deepness, the goddamn swearing and the throaty chuckle that sounded as addition to it, all oddly and shockingly familiar. But that couldn’t be him, right? That couldn’t be true. Hell, this was as good as impossible that he out of all still breathing people was walking up to you in the middle of the woods.
You heavily gulped, your heart still pounding with a force against your chest that you felt like anybody around you was able to hear its harsh sound while the rest of your body was reacting to the tension in every possible form. The heavy footsteps came closer, closer and closer with every second while your mind was trying to figure out what the hell to do, regardless of if it was him or not. A small, shaky breath left your lips once last time and then your pounding heart seemed to stop.
“No!”, you gasped out, your armed hand shooting up as your glance caught a raised baseball bat, in black leather clad arms and then, familiar hazel eyes that darted at you. Within seconds his narrow and determined glance turned softer and at the same time utterly shocked and confused as it wandered over you as if you were a mirage, daring to disappear the next moment. “Holy fuck…”, left his lips. his eyes wandering over you again and again, trying to check if you were actually real before you saw the small familiar grin growing back on his face as he gasped softly, ”Coffee house girl.”
So there he was, standing right in front of you. Still the same grin, the same glance in his eyes, the same tone in his voice. Only the leather jacket he must have picked up somewhere after the world had gone to shit was new, just like the baseball bat. His hair was just stroked back instead of slicked back as usual, revealing some small dark curls that seemed to have their own mind as they peaked slightly out.
And as the first shock was over and both of you began to realize that this was actually real, you didn’t need many words to decide that this encounter would lead to the both of you beginning to fight your way through the world together, instead of alone. So as you made your way through the forest and eventually over some lonely roads into the direction of a cabin he had found days ago, you could see that not only his outer appearance was a mix of new and old but also that what laid underneath. He still had the same humor, swore and cursed just as much as before, made the same colorful remarks, had the same throaty laugh that rumbled through his chest and the same charming and confident attitude and yet there was something new but still slightly familiar as well. There was a certain sadness lingering somewhere in his eyes when it got quiet for a moment, a sadness that was similar to the one you had seen the last times he had stepped into the café. And just knowing that he was alone out here was telling you enough to know its reason.
The night’s darkness was already filling the sky up when you found yourself leaning against the wooden wall of the cabin, a flickering bonfire in front of you and the man you had thought you would never see again sitting next to you while he scratched the last bit of the ravioli out of the metallic can in his hands. You still tried to realize that you weren’t dreaming this all, just like your mind was trying to get it all together and processed. You knew he wasn’t exactly the man you knew from the coffee house, you knew that he must have gone through certain changes as well, no matter if it was grief or the fact that you had to kill walking corpses to survive.
“Fuck, still can’t really believe it”, you heard him say as he leaned himself against the wood and let out a small chuckle while his glance wandered over to you. “Me neither”, you said, laying your empty can aside while you caught him looking at you as one of his hands ran over the salt and pepper stubble. “You’ve never told me your real name”, he finally said, his glance still darting at you as you pulled your legs closer against your chest to keep the coldness of the night from invading your body before you looked into his eyes. “(Y/N)” “Well, now that’s some fucking beautiful name”, he said, the grin still on his face as he ran his tongue slowly over the soft skin of his lower lip. “You’re still gonna stick with ‘coffee house girl’?”, you teased with a small chuckle as he already shook his head with a quiet but throaty laugh. “Nah, yours is better”, he mumbled before he let out another small but this time disbelieving chuckle,”Fucking dead have to begin walking for me to learn your damn name.” He ran his palm over his stubbly cheek, his eyes darting for a short moment at the flickering flames of the fire as the talk about his former nickname for you let your mind swing back to the cookie in your pocket. Now that you had a living part of your past sitting right next to you, you suddenly began to feel like you were able to let the object that was connected to it go. “But apropos coffee house, look what I found”, you said, having his attention right back again as your fingers found their way to the metallic zipper, before they slipped into the pocket and laced around the wrapper of the cookie. “Holy shit”, he said as you showed it to him with a small grin, his eyes widening slightly as he let out a small chuckle ,“Haven’t seen these since…” Quickly, the grin on his lips faded, the memories he seemed to connect to this simple pastry rising up for a moment before he rallied himself again.
“You still haven’t eaten that fucker?”, he eventually asked with a smirk as he nodded over to the black wrapper in your hand. “Not till now”, you said, giving him a soft smile as his brows perked interested up, “Wanna have the other half?” “Now if you ask, then hell yes”, he chuckled, his eyes lightening slightly up as you eventually broke the cookie in half and handed him one of them. As soon as he bit into the delicious pastry, his eyes closed for a short moment as he seemed to try to urge the positive memories to overwhelm the negative and pain filled ones. Your teeth sunk into the soft dough of the cookie as well, immediately tasting the bittersweet filling that spread deliciously out in your mouth and took you for a short moment back to the shifts in the coffee house. “Fuck…still as fan-fucking-tastic as before”, he mumbled, the grin on his lips and the tone in his voice showing that the positive memories had won over the pain. You could hear his throaty laugh mixing with yours as he made some more raving and almost theatrical remarks about the cookie and desperately tried to get the dark brown crumbs out of his beard stubble. In these moments you found yourself realizing that you were genuinely laughing for the first time since your mom had died, for the very first time you felt a little lighthearted again and you could tell that he was feeling the same way.
Gradually it got quiet between the both of you again, the flickering sound of the fire and the slight breaking of the wood as the flames began to eat it up sounded through the night before you saw his glance wandering to your knife that laid slightly in walker blood daubed next to you on the ground.
“You’ve killed someone already?”, he eventually asked with a small gulp, his eyes fixed on the blade before they wandered up to you and brought you back to reality. You weren’t only gonna have those casual chats anymore like before, these talks, talks about death and killing were now daily fare as well and still, his words let a small shiver run through your body as some memories washed up in you. “No”, you mumbled, a hard gulp running down your throat as you softly shook your head, “I’ve just…I’ve just taken someone down…you know, before-” Your eyes darted at your fingers that fumbled uneasily on the loose threads of your pants, trying to keep the pictures from conquering your mind as you could still feel his glance darting at you. “My mom…almost two weeks ago”, you eventually mumbled, letting out a shaky breath before you let yourself look over at him again while only saying those words felt like pure torture for every inch of your body. “Fuck…shit I’m sorry”, he said, compassion filling his eyes as you forced a small smile in response on your lips, trying to keep the grief that wanted to shoot some tears into your eyes from succeeding.
Your eyes were darting at the flames as you bit your lip while you already felt the tingling in your nose, knowing that your emotions were trying to break out while you already saw your sight becoming slightly blurry. “Shit…sorry, I didn’t want-”, he began regretful as he seemed to see what this conversation was stirring up in you. “It’s okay”, you quietly said, fighting your tears back as you allowed yourself to look at him while a heavy breath rumbled through his chest before you heard his deep voice. “Haven’t killed someone as well but-”, he began, gulping harshly as he ran his palm over his beard stubble ,”I couldn’t take someone down.” You didn’t need to guess much to know who this ‘someone’ was, the tone in his voice, the glance in his eyes and the way his body tensed told you the truth within seconds. “I’m sorry…”, you said, your eyes still laying on him as he shifted uncomfortably on the earthy ground. “Was still in the damn hospital…had some fucking kid do it for me…like some fucking weakly pantywaist”, he said, his voice thick with emotion as you could see him fighting against his grief that began to cloud his eyes. You were sure that this was the very first time talking about this all, the very first time for him being visibly vulnerable to someone after all these events and you could see that he needed to get this out just like you actually had to. “Doesn’t make you weak. Almost couldn’t have done it too…”, you said, not only to cheer him a little up but also because you had seen over all these months that he was strong. Gulping slightly your eyes wandered to your knife, before you let out a small sigh. “Couldn’t even keep the knife I’ve done it with…”, you mumbled, a shaky breath letting your ribcage slightly erupt while a small bit of you was surprised that you were actually beginning to open yourself. “That’s hers?”, he carefully asked, his fingers making a soft movement towards the knife as his eyes still laid on you. “Yeah”, you mumbled, clenching your jaw slightly as your eyes sticked to the knife ,”Last thing I got left.” “Keeping it like some goddamn treasure”, you mumbled with a small, nervous chuckle while you ran your hand over your pants as he gave you a small uplifting smile. “No fucking need to shame…I can even top that”, he said, letting out a small chuckle as you could see him becoming a bit more comfortable. “Hmm?”, you murmured while your brows perked interested up. “That damn baseball bat?”, he said as he nodded to the dark wooden bat next to him, “I named it after her.” “Wasn’t even mine from before or some shit…just got it from one of the guys I was in group with before…now that thing gets me through and I just…”, he mumbled, stopping as he gulped and tensed up once again, his glance wandering to the bat as you could only imagine what it meant to him, just knowing how carefully you kept your mom’s knife with yourself. “You had a group?”, you instead asked, trying to lead this conversation somewhere else as you could already see him nodding, the warm light of the flames enlightening his face as he stared at the fire. “Yeah…bunch of men, not for long, just enough time to show me how to shoot a fucking gun before…hell before the fucking dead got them all”, he scoffed, his jaw clenching slightly as he still looked into the flames as their movements mirrored in his eyes. “It’s always like that…”, he muttered with a scoff, his glance trailing off the flames and into the darkness of the night. “Was”, you added before his glance wandered quickly over at you. “Now I don’t hope I’ll end up as walker snack”, you said with a small, uplifting grin, trying to loose the both of you up. You could see the tension washing from his face as it got replaced by a small smirk that soon mixed with a smile that made you feel like he genuinely meant the words that slipped out of his lips. “You won’t, gonna take care of that”, he said just as he leaned himself some more against the wooden wall. “Works the other way around to”, you assured with a smile as he gave you a grinning nod and let out a throaty chuckle before let his deep voice sound once again through the night. “We’re gonna beat this world’s fucking ass”
• As he’s pulling you deeply into his embrace, him loving the way he can enclose you with his tall and broad figure and strong arms, especially when he eventually hears you letting a small, content hum out and feels how protected and safe he can make you feel
• Him just loving to use his ability to touch you all over as he’s letting his hand run over you and letting it slip beneath your shirt or nightdress to feel you up, truly enjoying to hear your hums and small gasps in response to his touch
• Him enjoying to let you feel how hard he is for you, as he’s getting a firm grasp on your hips to push them closer against his or simply grinds against you, regardless of if he’s using it to wake you up and sweeten your morning or simply feels his growing yearning for you as he’s holding you
• As you’re taking the next step, him having no problem with simply pulling your pants down or nightdress up after getting rid of his own boxers to thrust himself deeply into you, all while holding you tightly and using his hands to touch you all over, to cup your breasts or to pamper your sweetest spots with his long fingers
• Next to all the dirty advantages this position gives him, him also just loving the little things it lets him do. Just as nuzzling his nose into your skin, softly scratching his stubbly cheek and chin over your skin to tease and tickle you bit and being able to let his large hand cup yours or feel your fingers lacing with his
• Him loving to wake you up by placing some sloppy and drowsy morning kisses on your skin as he’s still not completely awake himself, all while kissing from your collarbones, over your neck up until the sensitive spot behind your ears as he’s holding you closer while you slowly begin to wake up
• When he’s coming back in the middle of the night, all exhausted and just glad to finally be able to lie down, him loving to slip into bed next to you and pull you carefully into his embrace until he can feel your back closely resting against his chest as he’s nuzzling his face into your neck before being finally able to relax
• As he’s sometimes accidentally waking you up in these nights with his movements, him just having to smile as soon as he hears the sound of your sleepy voice asking for him and your hand reaching a bit up to drowsily and sloppily run your fingers through his hair as he’s burying his face into the nook of your shoulder
• Him having his fun with teasing you and letting his fingers slide over your ticklish spots, only to hold you even tighter as you laughing squirm beneath his touch and try to wriggle yourself free, all until you’re breathless from laughing and mumble chuckling how you’re gonna get your revenge by purposely letting his arm go to sleep, untying your hair or simply letting him taste his own medicine as you exactly know where all his sensitive spots are
• After you’ve had sex, you’ve huddled up to him and your breaths have become slow again, him holding you tightly to feel your bare body against his, kissing your lips and your neck while letting his fingers trace up and down your sides and arm
• In the mornings, him often using his positing to keep you right with him as he refuses to let you leave bed all while hooking his legs around you and wrapping his arms even closer around your body while telling you what awesome things you could do if you’d just stay with him and let him change your shifts
• Knowing how much you love his deep voice, him loving to use his position to whisper into your ear or against your skin no matter if it’s the dirtiest things he wants to do to you, one of his colorful remarks that are meant to make you laugh, telling you to sleep tight or his ‘good mornings’, teasing you or even whispering sweet nothings as he’s cradling you gently against him
Negan and their Newborn let the Reader wake up to the sweetest sight possible
Darkness was still filling the room when coos and small cries woke you up and took you out of the sleep’s grasp. Still with your eyes closed you felt the lack of Negan’s arms around your body just as the cries hushed and you heard his deep voice sounding softly through the room. “You gonna sleep on Daddy’s chest now? Yeah, Buddy?”, Negan’s drowsy and through the sleep even raspier voice said as the mattress began to bend slightly. Within seconds you felt his warmth right next to you again, the sheets moved softly over your skin as Negan tucked himself and your son back in.
Slowly, your tired eyes fluttered open and caught him leaning into the pillows, the tiny body of your baby placed gently on his broad chest, the white fabric of the shirt smoothing against the little boy as Negan’s large hands held him softly and made him look even tinier. Negan’s slowly rising and falling chest dandled your son gently, his eyes closed while Negan’s darted lovingly in the faint light at him, a soft but big smile planting across his face.
Softly, Negan scratched his stubbly cheek and chin over your son’s head, the boy’s short and dark hairs entangling for small moments with Negan’s salt and pepper beard while the tiny lips curled slightly up. “My little Boo”, Negan cooed quietly, his deep and raspy voice filled with the love and deep affection of a proud father. His lips placed a soft kiss on your baby’s head while his voice had as always a soothing effect on him, the countless hours he had talked to him when he had still laid in your belly seeming to pay off.
Your lips curled into a sleepy but big smile, the sight of Negan with your son filling every inch of your body with a comforting warmth that overwhelmed any bit of exhaustion the last days had made you feel.
Your eyes wandered over your baby, over the tiny hands that curled around the puckered white fabric of his Dad’s shirt, the tiny nose, the tiny lips and the rosy cheeks. All before your eyes trailed up to Negan’s face, his dark hair tousled from the sleep, the eyes still dozy before you saw his glance wandering over at you, his eyes widening slightly as he found you awake. “Shit, didn’t wanna wake you up”, he quietly mumbled as his thumb stroke softly over your baby’s head, keeping him in the peaceful slumber he was beginning to fall into. “This is making up for it”, you half joked with the big smile on your lips as you still drowsily nodded to him and your child before you slowly shifted closer towards Negan. Negan’s arm lifted up for you as you huddled up against this side, carefully and cautiously to not wake your son up. Softly you laid your head into the nook of Negan’s shoulder, your face nuzzling into his warm neck while your hand placed gently on your son’s back.
The small body rose with every small breath he took beneath your and Negan’s hands, their touches seeming to let him sleep even deeper while you could feel Negan turning his head slightly until he could place a small kiss on your skin.
There really were no words needed in these moments, even Negan stayed silent as you both knew that this right there was everything you both had wished and waited so long for.
So no matter how out of reach this world made it seem at times, after all you three were the living proof that the kind of happiness that could make your heart burst for joy was still possible.
“Fuck…”, Negan growled lowly, the sensation of your touch leaving him restless beneath your hands as a grin slipped onto your lips. Your eyes caught his tied up hands above his head, the result of a mix between deep trust and curiosity, of which he may or may not be regretting the latter in these moments as you felt him growing hungrier.
Teasingly slow you ran your still with soft fabric covered heat over his throbbing dick, urging it closer against his stomach as more low groans left his wide open hanging lips. Gritting his teeth and clenching his jaw tightly you could feel his hips stuttering beneath you, the torture of the slow teasing you had already put him through leaving its marks on him. “Fuck…now you fucking know I love you but you’re being a goddamn asshole right now”, he groaned as your covered heat and wetness rubbed teasingly over his pulsing length once again, leaving him yearning for more. “Oh I know, guess I’ve learned from the best”, you mumbled with another grin back, the darkness of lust growing in his eyes as he could obviously feel the way your arousal soaking your panties. “Come on Baby, let me feel your wet pussy”, he groaned as you stopped your rhythmic movements for a moment, shook your head before you leaned down, your hand wrapping around his neck as your eyes met his. “No”, you said lowly but sternly back, looking directly into his eyes before the grin slipped back on your lips, “Or well, maybe I’ll think about it if you beg a little.” “Shit, is that real necess-” “Yes”, you quickly cut him off, remembering the endless seeming times he had already made you beg for him before you perked your brows a little up, waiting for him to say something. “Please, Baby”, he mumbled as you leaned back again, your hold on his neck loosening up before you grinned a little wider. “What was that?”, you asked, a heavy gulp traveling down his throat that made his Adam’s apple bop up and down. “Please…”, he exhaled after a few silent moments just before you let go of him and slowly slipped out of your panties, leaving his eyes stuck on your body before you climbed back on top of him.
Wrapping your hand around his pulsing cock you slowly dragged his dickhead along your wetness, a deep groan rumbling through Negan’s chest as a small gasp left your lips while your heat grew with every second. Coating him with your own juices you could feel his being eyes stuck on you before they met your glance, his hips stuttering harder now as you could feel him attempting to thrust up into your sopping core.
Heat rushed through your palm as it slapped against Negan’s cheek, punishment and pleasure at the same time as you secretly knew that it could turn him even more on. “Don’t”, you growled, loosening the hold you had on his cock a little as he nodded, too desperate for your touch to attempt another try. The big bad wolf was turning into a shaking mess beneath you and just the thought of that you had full power over the pleasure of this strong man made the heat grow even more in you.
“Good”, you mumbled now more softly before you leaned down to place a kiss on the heated skin on his neck, sucking softly on the swelling vein on its side before you leaned slowly back. Slowly you ran your wet core over his length again, its veins swelling and pulsing harder with each time you rubbed your heat over the throbbing flesh while deep groans rumbled through his chest. Wrapping your hand back around his hard length you then teased your wetness over his dickhead once again, your other hand securely placed on his side as you slightly dug your fingertips into his skin.
“Fuck…”, you heard Negan groan again, the tip of his tongue slowly sliding over his lower lip until got caught between it and his teeth. “You want me to ride you?”, you asked with a small, teasing grin just before another small groan left his lips. “Fuck yes”, he grumbled breathless before he seemed to realize that this wasn’t gonna be enough. “Please…fuck please ride my dick”, he grumbled, a heavy breath shaking through him before he rose his voice once more, “Please, Baby.”
Slowly, you sunk down on his dick, a deep groan leaving Negan’s mouth as your other hand placed as well on his hip while he filled you with every inch more up. Moaning you reached the base of his cock, his short and dark curls rubbing softly and intoxicating against your sweet spot as you watched every of Negan’s reactions. “Baby…”, he quietly growled, forcing himself to keep his eyes open to see you beginning to bounce up and down on his dick. His eyes kept on darting at you, watching his throbbing length burying inside of your core, disappearing and reappearing over and over again as you could feel your legs quivering in pleasure. His body shook a little more, obviously having a hard time to restrict himself from thrusting and pounding up into your wet heat before his eyes met yours again. “You gonna let me touch you?”, he asked slightly panting, his tongue sliding once again over his lip as the rhythm of your hips made him moan some more. Your brow perked slightly up, a small grin growing on your lips as you dug your fingertips a little more into his side. “Come on, Baby….can I touch you?”, he asked, now more desperate than before as the muscles in his cheek twitched and your brow perked up again, showing him that he had to try a little harder. “Please…fuck, please let me touch you”, he groaned breathily, the urge to feel you, to pull you hard down on his pulsing dick and pound away into you until his hot cum could fill you up stronger than anything else in these moments.
“Okay”, you quietly mumbled with a small grin after a few moments of leaving him in torturing silence, before you leaned up until your fingers could unlace the cloth around his wrists, his sizable length still buried deeply inside you. Negan’s eyes lightened up until your hands wrapped around his wrists, forcing him to take it slow to show him that you were still in charge before you placed his large hands on your hips and gave him a nod.
A loud cry of pleasure left your lips as his hands gripped your hips while he thrusted his own up, beginning to pound away into your sopping heat. Feeling yourself swinging in more pleasure you leaned down, his hands grabbing your ass harshly as your hot breath hit his skin. “Make me cum”, you mumbled lowly into his ear, enough sternness swinging in it to make it sound like an order as you didn’t even think about giving up your control now that he could touch you. Leaning back you caught his with lust filled eyes, your fingertips burying a little harder in his skin as a small grin grew on his lips. “As you fucking wish”, he growled, his pounds growing harder within a seconds as his one of his hands moved to your most sensitive spots.
Both of your heavy breaths and moans filled the room while he began to rub and massage your pulsing clit, the mix of his hard thrusts and the intoxicating touches of his fingers letting you swing in ecstasy. Your pleasure filled mind felt like rewarding him as you leaned down to let him thrust harder and deeper and to kiss and softly nibble on his neck just the way he liked it while you heard his loud growls and curses. Your eyes began to flutter as you could feel yourself coming to our high, his fingers’ movements growing faster as he watched you quivering in response to his pounds and touches. “Negan…”, just left your lips as you could feel yourself beginning to drown in pleasure, your body slumping a little more in as one last thrust made a strong orgasm shake through you. Feeling him carrying through your high, he kept on thrusting, obviously coming closer as well until you let him cup your hips as harsh as he wanted, allowing him to use you ruthlessly. Pounding as if he wanted his massive length to tear you apart, he came even closer and gripped you harder, growling as he kept his eyes open to watch the aftermath of your orgasm wash over you. A loud groan and a bunch of curse words eventually left Negan’s lips as you could feel his cock twitching deep inside you before his hot cum began to fill you up.
Exhausted and panting you sunk down on Negan’s chest, feeling his cum beginning to drip out of your heat as he was still buried deeply inside your core. Cursing he wrapped his arms around you, keeping you closely on top of him as his head leaned against yours and his hot breath hitting against your skin before his deep voice sounded heavily breathing through to you. “Get yourself and your tight little pussy already prepared…’cause hell, next time it’s gonna be my fucking turn to make you beg.”
Warm sun rays danced over your skin as the sleep slowly loosened its grasp on you. Slowly diving out of the sleep’s depths, your body began to sense first feelings and touches again, each of them helping you softly to leave the night behind yourself and to start a new day.
Hot breath that ghosted over your skin, leaving small goosebumps of comfort all over your body and made small shivers of warmth run up and down your spine.
Warm lips that met your skin repeatedly, leaving a warm trail over the side of your neck as their soft and caressing touches brought their warmth into your body.
Rough beard stubble that combined with the softness of the lips, setting a contrast that grew into an intoxicating sensation, before they purposely but still softly chafed over you skin, teasingly and purposely using their ability to tickle you gently
Soft sheets that hugged your body smoothly, tucking you in between their comforting fabric and cuddly pillows as they build a home for anything they were swathing
Strong arms that wrapped tighter around you, enclosing you completely as they pulled you closer against a warm chest, soft and short curls of chest hair softly tickling your skin as long legs entangled with yours, one hooking around yours to keep you even closer
Familiar scent that was enshrouding you softly, creating a comfort that streamed through every fibre of your body until it had completely filled you up.
Deep growls and hums that rumbled through the warm chest and vibrated against your back, the deepness and the familiar tone arising from a voice as smooth as velvet but raspy and rough as barbed wire at the same time.
With each passing second you let the sleep more and more behind yourself until your eyes eventually fluttered slowly open. A small dozy hum left your mouth as you felt the lips that were pressing another kiss on your skin forming into something that swung between a smile and a wide grin. Just as you cuddled closer into the warmth you were longing so much for you heard a throaty but drowsy chuckle filling the air before you turned to its source. Your glance met familiar hazel eyes that were filled up with deep affection, growing yearning and jollying excitement all at once.
With lips that were curling more up with each moment and dark strands of hair that hung tousled instead of slicked back into his face, he leaned down until his forehead leaned against yours and his hot breath met your skin once again before his deep voice spoke up as he pulled you closer against his warm chest: “Good Mornin’, Baby”
The wind blew softly over the endless seeming hill, moving each blade of grass in a gentle rhythm, the warm sun let the green of the grassy hill shine in an even brighter shade while the sun’s rays hit the framed and colorful glass that was hung up on a tree not too far down the mound.
Normally, nothing on this idyllic hill would indicate or stand in any relation to a battle, actually, it looked more like a landscape that would be used in movies to let happy children play and run over the mound in all peacefulness and with heartwarming laughter. But now, now instead of happy children there were men and women armed with guns placed almost on the hills top, just a bit behind its peak so that anyone who’d approach from its foot wouldn’t see the lingering danger.
You leaned against the hood of the car that had brought you along with Negan here, Lucille resting right next to you against the metal as you could see Negan stepping towards his people that were gathering around him. “You’re gonna step all into a fucking line. when I count ‘two’ you step forwards till these fuckers can see you. ‘One’… ‘one’ means fucking shoot but thefirst ones are for their feet, blow up the durst right in front of them and around their sorry asses. It’s just to swing our fucking dicks out…They’re gonna be fucking circled. Thanks to Eugene here, we got enough fucking bullets to allow ourself such a move. And that’s the thing, they’re gonna see the power our fucking bullet-cum shots have! By then, they’re gonna drop to their damn knees and surrender”, Negan called through the air, his arms rising slightly while you secretly knew that this wasn’t the original plan. There were massive changes in it, changes made for you, changes made for the promise he had given you to find a way out. Without you, without the promise and without you setting him straight and showing him that killing everyone wasn’t him in any way, the first bullets wouldn’t meet the ground, they’d meet the heads and bodies of the people you still considered family. So this all, all these changes he had made seemed after last night and after the last talk you had like a last desperate chance to keep his promise, maybe even like a chance to keep himself from turning into something he wasn’t as well.
“They’ll fucking surrender ’cause there’s gonna be no way out anymore”, Negan called out before you heard the voice of one brave man calling back. “And what if they don’t surrender? What if they shoot at us, Boss?”, he called, letting a cold shiver run down your spine and even though you could just see the leather clad back of Negan, you knew that he was gulping harshly now, just as harshly and tightly as his jaw was clenching in these moments. “We fight back”, Negan tensely said, while even though this felt like the sharp blade of a knife digging into your body, you couldn’t be angry at him for this. If Rick would open the fire, Negan would be hogtied, with no chance of a different choice. Then it would be all about shooting or dying right there and only the thought of it, just like your deep fears of losing anybody else made you dizzy.
”You look damn fine together”, you heard Negan’s voice say as he snapped you back into reality. With a grin he walked back to you, gesturing with a chuckle between you and Lucille while his Saviors were getting ready. You allowed a smile to sneak onto your lips, just as he reached you and cupped the back of your neck with his gloved hand to caress your skin lightly. ”They’re making their way out of the woods now, only matter of five-six minutes till they’ve arrived where you want them”, the crackling male voice said that sounded out of Negan’s walkie, that didn’t only let his hand fall from your neck to grab the small device, but also made an awful tension accompany the one that was already making itself a home in your body.
“Alright, got it”, Negan spoke back into the walkie before he tucked it once again onto his belt and let his glance meet yours. ”It’s gonna work out”, he quietly mumbled, forcing the corners of his lips to curl a little up to give you an uplifting smile before he leaned down to press another kiss on your lips. In this moment, you didn’t even care about the people around you, all you wanted was just to feel him and let his kiss calm and comfort you a little. Your hands reached up to cup his face softly and hold him a bit closer before your lips slowly let go of one another.
”Boss?”, yo heard a man call as Negan backed way again just before he turned around and looked over to his people. ”Yep? What’s the fucking matter, Dan?”, Negan asked, his hand stroking one last time soothingly over your shoulder before he walked over to the man, his hand stroking over his salt and pepper stubble as you watched him disappearing between the Saviors.
You looked over the hill, just the thought that your friends, along with Daryl were on their way up here made heat and coldness mix horribly in your body and thinking about the reaction of your half-brother when he would ultimately see what you had with Negan made it only worse. Your eyes captured Gabriel crouching on the floor, his eyes staring with angst up the hill’s top, not too far from him stood Dwight, his hands tied while the prisoner cloth he was wearing brought memories up you just wanted to suppress.
Minutes later the men and women stood in line, creating something that looked like a long thread that wreathed along the hill’s side while your eyes kept darting at Negan and the gun in his hand. Part of you felt like you should walk up there too, another one told you to stay back, maybe even to simply show your friends that you weren’t armed, nor had the intention to fire a gun into their direction. So you kept leaning against the hood until the loud whistling of every single person that was part of the thread made the blood in your veins freeze. They were here.
“Well, damn, Rick, look at that. Pegged again. Pegged so very hard. I ambushed your ambush with an even bigger ambush”, Negan spoke as his voice sounded loudly through the bullhorn his device was connected to while you pressed your nervously sweating palms against the fabric of your pants. “How about you step out and face us?!”, Rick’s voice sounded loudly up the hill, sending chills through your body just before you heard Negan again. “Oh, I am everywhere, Rick. Some more bullhorns, more walkies. Pick a direction to run. See how you do. Make it fun for all of us”, he said, while you shifted on the metal, your hand finding the end of Lucille hoping that she might give you a little bit of the feeling of secureness, just like she had done it during Negan and Simon’s fight.
“Guess what else I did. I brought you some of your old friends. You remember your old buddy Eugene? Well, he is the person that made today possible. Same goes for Dwighty boy here. In case you were wondering, he didn’t ream you on purpose. No, he is just a a gutless nothin’ that sucks at life, and now he gets to stand up here and watch it all, and he’s gonna live with that”, Negan continued, your fingers tightening while the small breaths that left your body got accompanied by a bit shakiness ,”And then there’s you. It never had to be a fight. You just had to accept how things are.”
For a small moment, it got quiet, just before Negan’s voice sounded once again over the hill. “I know you’ve heard what I said last night. I fucking know you’ve heard the last opportunity my generous ass gave you. Now Rick, this is the time for decisions. Think I’ll give you a lil’ food for thought”, Negan said and with that you knew what was about to happen.
“Three! Two!”, Negan’s voice boomed as the men and women stepped forward, with raised guns, Negan’s arm lifting up as well while another set of cold shivers ran through your body, hoping that anything would just end well and those damn first bullets were the last ones that were shot today. “One!”
You had expected to hear the earsplitting sound of uncountable bullets being fired, you had even expected to flinch a little as soon as you would hear them, you had expected to see everyone in the line to still stand where they stood. But nothing of that happened.
Instead, a loud mess of the sound of clicks, gunshots and small explosions sounded through the air, letting you jolt in shock up as you saw the line of people going to the ground as their guns exploded in their hands.
“Now”, you heard coming from the hill’s foot, realizing what was about to happen now before your eyes darted immediately at Negan, his loud groaning in pain letting everything in you ache as you saw him turning furiously to Eugene, to the man who had made these bullets that left now a good bunch on Negan’s men dead, others groaning in pain as they held their hands and arms. “Eugene!”, Negan loudly growled while you still stood like glued to the spot, still realizing what had just happened before something ripped you horribly out of the shocked trance.
Gabriel suddenly jumped up, rushing towards Negan before his fist met his face, letting him stumble back as you found yourself wrapping your fingers tighter around Lucille just as the corner of your eyes caught Dwight loudly screaming and running towards Negan. Within milliseconds he tackled him, pushing him closer towards you before you could feel your other hand wrapping around Lucille as you rose her up, the adrenaline shooting through your veins while your mind completely shut down in these moments, the only thing that was keeping you going was the urge to protect him.
Dwight and Negan were only a few feet away from you as you let her rush with all force you had against Dwight’s back, letting him sink groaning to the ground while Negan’s glance snapped towards you as you heavily breathing stared at him and the gaping bloody wound the exploded gun had ripped into his glove and his hand. “Come”, you just heard him pant, his unharmed hand wrapping around yours as he pulled you with him into the paths the uncountable cars were creating.
You felt stuck like in one of your nightmares as you rushed over the ground while you began more and more to realize what was happening and that right now, right in these moments your biggest fears were on their way to fulfill themselves. Negan’s people were practically unarmed right now, their complete defeat just a matter of moments and you knew what Rick was about to do, what he had always said he would do. He would try to kill Negan.
“You gotta stay here, stay in or behind a car…just stay fucking safe”, you heard Negan pant as he suddenly stopped and turned towards you, his eyes filled with bewilderment about what had just happened while fear and concern mixed within. And just as you wanted to protest and tell him that you weren’t gonna leave him alone while Rick was about to begin his hunt on him and his people, you jolted up as a bolt shot in between the both of you and eventually shattered into the glass of the car behind you.
Your eyes snapped into the direction of the bolt’s source even though you already knew to whom this bolt belonged and the crossbow that must have shot it. Daryl.
Your eyes met his ice cold glance at the other end of the car mass, his eyes darted right at you, the accuracy with which you knew he could shoot letting you realize within seconds that he had purposely tried to split you up. And the blood freezing glare in his eyes showed you everything else you needed to know: He knew, He had known before and now he had seen the final evidence that gave the last drop of anger into the full barrel to let it deluge.
The muscles in Daryl’s face twitched dangerously, the crossbow still up as Negan’s curses sounded muffled through your head before Daryl got distracted by something on the side of the hill while you felt Negan pulling with him, away from the danger you had never thought and hoped would become one.
Your steps were fast, heavy and harder with each you took as you felt the tightening feeling in your chest that made it impossible to breathe freely. The so idyllic hill had by now turned into a place you just wanted to leave more than anything, the wind that had moved the blades of grass so calmly felt now biting against your skin, the sun rays felt like they were burning marks into you even though the sun was in its pleasant afternoon state and the reflection of the glass that was hung up on the tree that got closer and closer was dazzling your eyes. Your fingers laced tighter around Negan’s, your hands a shaky and sweaty mess while everything in your body began to refuse to let go of him, nor to let anyone else get this close who could just harm a hair on his head.
With one more stepped you reached almost end of the cars, just two more vehicles standing in the way before you abruptly felt Negan pulling the both of you to your knees, using a car as a hideout for some short moments. Panting he turned around, his glance meeting yours that was displaying a whole range and mess of emotions while a harsh gulp was pressing its way down his throat. “Listen, you gotta stay here, okay? They want my ass, not yours. And I’ll get this done, I’ll be fucking fine. Just stay safe”, he panted, his other hand reaching up to cup the side of your face, half reassuring and calming, half to make sure that you were listening to his words. ”Wait, wha-”, you stumbled out, ready to protest once again just before you got cut off by gun shots. “Shit”, Negan’s voice growled, your shaky hands pressing Lucille into his after you had held her with an unbelievable tightness for the last minutes. ”Stay back”, you suddenly heard him say as you heard footsteps and shots coming closer, revealing how close the person that could be no other than Rick came.
Within seconds his hand left yours, his legs letting him jump up as the adrenaline made you rise up as well, cold shivers running through your body as you caught Rick making his way out of the cars with continuing shots. “Negan!”, you called out, your body wrenching in indescribable fear as you could see him storming past the cars, down to the with glass decorated tree until the last vehicles kept you from seeing him but before you could do anything else a raspy and familiar voice behind you let the blood in your veins freeze.
“On ya knees”, he growled as you turned around, your eyes filled with shock and disbelief as he glared coldly at you. “Daryl-”, you tried to begin, but got directly cut off by his growling and snapping voice. “I said on ya knees!”, he yelled, letting you flinch as he darted the crossbow at you, the pain that was shooting through you beginning to let your eyes fill with tears as you began to sink down to the ground. “Daryl, I tried to help-”, you quietly said as you looked up at him, your voice shaky as he cut you once again off. “By jumping on that asshole’s dick?!”, he snarled, his words cutting into your skin like sharp razorblades as you tried to rally yourself. ”No, I-” ”Shut up, don’t wanna hear ya lies”, he snapped, his glance glaring down at you while this pain mixed with more fear as another gun shot sounded through the air. Your lips already quivered, everything in your body tightened threateningly while more tears began to make their way into your eyes as result of the indescribable pain and hopelessness you were beginning to feel. ”That’s the truth, pleas-” “I said, shut up”, he snapped again, rising the bolt that was secured into the crossbow’s string right up to your forehead as a pain filled shudder washed through you, trying to realize that Daryl was pointing his weapon at you as if you were his enemy. “You’re not gonna shoot me. Daryl, I’m your-”, you tried to get him back to seeing you the way he once had, just before his next words let you shadder on the ground. “Sister? Nah, (Y/N) you’re not”, he growled, pressing the crossbow closer towards you, “Ya said it to me thousands of times. family’s not blood, it’s way more than that…and ya were right for once…You’re no family anymore, you’re a stranger.”
The tears that had already lingered in your eyes were now spilling over, running down your cheek as you felt as if you got torn apart. Everything in you ached and wrenched, his destroying words burning into you and letting a horrible nausea wash over you, as one of your worst fears seemed as if they were about to become reality.
You were losing them.
They weren’t dying, no, but you were losing them on a whole different way. Daryl wasn’t just saying those words just like that, he meant them, he meant them with almost every fibre of his body while only a few seemed to stay xy, creating a small bit of stirring in his eyes as the tears ran down your face. All your hopes got shattered within these moments, all those hopes that everything was gonna work out and end up fine didn’t just vanish into thin air, they rather got set on fire while you had to slowly watch them crumbling apart.
“His people are down, surrendered and now, now Rick’s gonna end him”, Daryl growled, more pain running through your body as you still didn’t want this all to be true. A small part of you waited for you to wake up out of this nightmare, find yourself in the bed beneath the warm and comfortable sheets before feeling Negan embracing you closer and cradling you against his chest like he always did when you dreamed badly.
But you didn’t, you didn’t wake up because this was the horrible reality and it just got worse as Daryl grabbed your shoulders, dragged you further with him. “Daryl, stop”, you half growled, half shakily said as you felt his finger digging into your skin just as his head snapped towards you again. ”Shut u-” “No I won’t fucking shut up now, I never betrayed you, I swear. I just want it to stop. I don’t wanna lose anyone of you-” ”Ya already have. You’re dead to me”, he growling spatted, his brows puckering angrily as he dragged you further,”Gonna lose that asshole too now. Hope the fucks were worth it.” All you did was stare at him with more tears in your eyes, each word tearing you more and more apart and cutting deeper into you as the tone in his voice made it seem like all he saw in you anymore was Negan’s little fucktoy, which was the very last thing you were. The worst thing was that you knew Daryl, you knew that the anger was trumping the hurting by now and that he could grow unbelievably cold as soon as he had reached this point. He wasn’t gonna listen to you. For now, you really were dead to him, nothing was gonna change that in these moments and you painfully realized that in these moments.
Your whole body trembled, every single bit of you feeling as if you were burned alive while the fear that you could now also lose Negan just grew and began to eat you up. Eventually Daryl dragged you out of the mass of cars and towards a mix of Saviors with raised hands and people from the Hilltop, the Kingdom and Alexandria that were moving over the hill’s peak and were all staring down the mound.
And just as you reached them, just as you left the cars behind yourself you got pushed to your knees again, you saw what they were looking at.
Rick and Negan both standing, by the tree, panting and visibly haggard after another fight as Negan slowy rose Lucille until she was at the same height as his elbows while Rick seemed to talk. Cold shivers ran through your body, your heart began to pump even harsher against your chest as you shifted on the grass while you could feel your head beginning to pound as the fear in your body rose and the question of what was going to happen now echoed through your head.
Nobody was doing anything, every single person on this hill stood there in awe, not able to do something, not even able to tell what exactly was happening between those two men in these seconds. The tension in your body rose with every of these seconds, Daryl’s crossbow still darting at you before the hope that seemed so gone began to softly grow in your body once again and even formed a tiny relieving smile on your lips as Negan began to lower Lucille until her end met the ground.
He was stopping, whatever Rick was saying in these moments, whatever might be going through Negan’s mind in these moments, if it was his promise to you, if it was Carl’s letter or anything else, it made him stop.
Daryl’s words were still cutting deep, just the fact that he was still pointing his crossbow at you was letting shudders of pain run through you, but this scene down at the tree allowed you to grasp a bit of hope.
Maybe everything wasn’t as lost as you had just thought, maybe it wasn’t too late. Maybe this was going to end after all, maybe Rick had finally seen that Carl had been right, that this didn’t need to be a fight anymore and that it was worth it to stop it, to find a way out and work for peace together. Maybe at least a tiny part of the future you wished so badly and long for would come true if they would finally pull themselves together now.
They were still standing like that in front of each other, Lucille now sliding out of Negan’s hands and with that you allowed the hope in you to grow a little more that this was the end of the war. So hell, maybe those little future plans Negan had said earlier in the car to you and the things you had dared to wish for were finally more reality than dream and you would just find yourself tonight with Negan in the big bed and fall asleep with him right there. That’s all you wanted, so that this goddamn rollercoaster ride of emotions and actions would finally end and you could just be happy for once in this fucked up world.
Maybe, the fear of losing Negan because of this goddamn fight would finally vanish and make room for the lightheartedness you were longing so much for. Maybe, with Rick and Negan stopping this whole thing, Daryl would someday at least consider to listen to you. So maybe, maybe this was the start of something better.
But then, you fell to pieces as Rick let his hand suddenly rush up against Negan’s throat and shattered all your hopes within milliseconds.
He had cut his throat in the moment Negan had least expected it.
Blood, blood was the next and only thing you could see as you ran, carried by your weakening legs, your body wrenching in unbearable pain, sobs erupting your body as the man you were falling so deeply in love with sunk to his knees, holding his throat as thick, red blood streamed over his hand.
You almost tripped repeatedly as your feet stumbled down the mound, your vision already blurred by the tears that ran unstoppable over your cheeks while whimpers and more sobs shook through you.
You couldn’t lose him.
You couldn’t lose him.
“Negan”, you whimpered as your eyes caught him on the ground, his body twisted as his hand still held his throat, his eyes fluttering while more sobs left your body as you sunk to your knees next to him. “Negan, please”, you whimpered as your hand reached up to his, letting it slide weakly to the side as you desperately pressed your palm onto the cut wound, trying to stop the blood from flowing even more out of his body. “He stopped, Rick!…He fucking stopped”, you sobbed as you turned around, his eyes staring down at you, his hands holding a bloody piece of colored glass while you broke some more apart by the sound of Negan’s quiet and wheezing gasps that let your eyes immediately dart back to him. “Hold on, Negan…please”, you whimpered, the hot blood covering your hands and fingers that had so lovingly caressed his beard stubble earlier, that had traced softly along his skin as he had held you, that had run through his dark hair, that had felt the comforting smoothness of his leatherjacket and that had laced with his fingers the last time he had assured you he was going to be fine. And now, now he was laying right next to you, his body twitching slightly, the wheezing gasps becoming quieter, his eyes becoming more glassy as they fluttered slower, his lips gaping open as his blood was coating you, coating the white shirt you had just this morning nuzzled your face into to feel his warmth and coating the white cloth you had wrapped around his wrist.
Your blurry vision tried to catch his glance that was becoming more and more glassy with each little second, staring into the emptiness instead of your eyes as you felt like death tried to take him out of your bloody grasp.
“Stay with me…plea-”, a sob cut you off, your whole body a mess as you slumped more in, your forehead sinking down against his, “I can’t lose you-…I-”.
But you were,
You were losing him.
You were losing right him in these moments.
Everything you had feared, everything that had brought you sleepless night was coming true now:
First your friends and Daryl.
You were losing everything you had.
One of your hands moved up into his hair, holding him tighter as his eyes closed and more uncontrollable sobs left your lips while your other hand kept pressing down on the wound, desperately trying to keep the blood in his body. “Negan, please”, you whimpered, your tears hitting his face as you crumbled down next to him, anything in you holding onto the tiniest hope that he would open his eyes again. Just a bunch of days ago you had gotten him back after everything that had happen at the junkyard, had tied your bonds with him tighter than ever before and now, now he was laying bleeding in your arms on the edge of death, letting the future you had dared to imagine with him disappear into thin air. Something about this took you horribly back to the day at the very beginning of this all, the day you had lost your family, the day you had stepped into your old home and had to see a large group of walkers tearing them apart, leaving nothing of them but the unbearable pain, the pain you had hoped you would never feel again but the same pain you were feeling right in these moments again which tore you apart. “Please”, you plead in a whimper, his blood covering more and more of you as you suddenly heard Rick’s voice.
Weakened by the sobs you slowly rose and heft your upper body off of Negan, still not completely believing what words had left Rick’s lips before you heard Maggie’s crying screams in protest to Rick’s change of mind and saw a young dark haired man running towards you, you had never seen before.
He let down his backpack as soon as he reached the tree and already began to open it with hastily hands. “Please save him…plea-…please help him”, you whimpered, your voice shaking as he kneeled down on Negan’s other side, beginning to grab medical utensils out of the backpack before his glance met yours. “Alright, you have to keep on pressing”, he said as calm as he could, nodding to your hand that was still placed securely on Negan’s neck. “I know this is hard for you, but you have to follow my orders now to save him, okay? Listen closely”, he said just as calm as he could even though a bit nervousness sneaked into his voice as you just nodded, tears still running down your face while every bit of you was determined to do whatever it took to save Negan, no matter what you had to do.
And so you blindly followed his instructions, tried to keep your muddled mind focused, let your hands move as quickly to the parts of Negan the young man ordered you to, all while Negan’s lifeless face and body were still ripping deep wounds into you. You tried everything to keep yourself working and tried to keep the fear of losing him out of your body to be the best help you could be in these moments until you fell into the state of just functioning.
You lost all feeling of time, had no idea how long it took until two other men came up to you with a cot and crouched down next to you, ready to take Negan as soon as the doctor would give them his go. His voice sounded at some point muffled through your head as it wasn’t directed at you but at the two other men, your eyes glued to Negan, glued to his lifeless seeming body and his blood that wasn’t only covering him, but you as well. You could feel your eyes becoming clouded with new tears again, feel the lump growing back in your body in response to the view of him even though a tiny bit relief in you washed up as the blood had stopped becoming more and the bandage around his neck was finally more white than red. “We’ll get him to the truck now”, you heard the doc say, only able to sound through to you as his hand laid on your arm and made your eyes snap away from Negan. You just nodded, watching paralyzed how the two other men began to carefully get him onto the cloth while your eyes followed each bit Negan’s body moved, still too scared that anything else could happen now.
When you first got on your feet again, everything around you seemed to turn as you could feel how all that had happened here beneath this tree had drained every bit of energy from you. When you first turned around again into the direction of the cars, the mass of people were gone, the Saviors were gone, the Alexandrian’s were gone, the people from the Hilltop and the Kingdom were gone, Daryl was gone, only Rick stood still on his weakened legs, while Michonne held Maggie in her arms who was still crying into Michonne’s shirt. You were too muddled, too much trapped in a trance to keep yourself focused on her, you knew she must go through horrible pain in these moments but all you wanted was Negan alive, the opposite of what she wished for. Right as your glance wandered off of her, your eyes captured Lucille on the ground while you instinctively knew that you had to take her with you, no matter who might try to stop you. This wasn’t just a weapon, this was way more for Negan. So as the men were making their first steps up, you leaned down and laced your fingers around her handle, actually feeling a tiny bit of the secureness she had given you before until you tightened your grab and made your way up.
You stumbled up the hill, your eyes only leaving Negan for a tiny moment as your eyes caught his present, the tiny diamond bracelet dangling on your wrist, covered in his blood as the evening sun made the now blood red diamonds gleam up in a way that let your guts twist.
You still found yourself shaking as soon as you walked over the hill’s peak, seeing a few people packing some things into the last remaining cars before their eyes darted at you, Negan and the three other men. You blended their glances out, just trying to concentrate on Negan as they loaded him into the back of the truck which brought another mass of emotions up in you. This wasn’t just any truck, this was the dark truck in which you had spent as good as all drives with him and eventually had laid in it’s back with him, on provisory mattresses and thick blankets before he had first kissed you. You gulped harder, new tears shooting up in your eyes as all those memories rushed through you before you heft yourself inside.
“Keep his head steady”, you heard the doctor say as calming as he could as you found yourself in the truck, your back leaning against its walls with Lucille right next to you as he carefully moved Negan’s head into your lap. “Okay”, you mumbled quietly and still shakily, your glance glued to Negan’s face as one of your hands moved to cup his jaw softly, the other buried in his hair to caress him gently as you kept his head steady. You knew he couldn’t notice anything around him, still you tried to move your bloody fingertips in the way you knew he liked it and which would let him hum contently in any other situation. Trembling breaths still erupted your chest slightly as you tried to keep them small, to not move Negan unnecessarily in any way as the transporter began to move down the hill and eventually reached the road.
Over and over again you internally told yourself that he was going to be fine as you stared down at him, your thumb stroking softly over his blood daubed beard stubble as you carefully and cautiously leaned down to place a small kiss on his forehead.
But still, the drive was the hardest you had ever taken. You could hear the voices around you, you even noticed them say that you were heading to Alexandria but that was it. Everything else just bounced back, not able to make it through your muddled mind as all you did was keeping Negan’s head steady, caressing him with soft and desperate touches while you kept on internally pleading that he was going to be alright.
When the car eventually stopped it was already dark, just the headlights of the truck illuminating Alexandria’s gates before you slowly drove into the place you once called home until the engine stopped once again and with this time ultimately. ”We’re there”, you just heard the doc say, before the other two men were getting Negan back on the cot, your body aching a little as you felt the loss of his touch, the fear that he could be taken away from you on a whole other way still deeply rooted in your body.
You found yourself walking over Alexandria’s streets with Lucille in your hand while you knew that the last time you had walked these paths this place had been on fire. But now, now the heat of the flames wasn’t biting into your skin, the cool night air was instead hitting your flesh that felt almost wounded from all the crying. You gulped harshly as you caught your reflection in the window of one of the houses, your face looking even haggard from afar, the puffiness and soreness of your cheeks, just like the aching of your burning eyes wasn’t visible to you from afar but more than palpable. You could see all your clothes and hands that were covered in Negan’s blood, leaving not only an awful tension on your skin but also harsh shivers that ran through you. Your glance left the window again as you could see where you were heading, the infirmary coming closer with every step you took while your eyes kept wandering to Negan, checking on him as if you could change something.
Finally, you could exhale a little as they eventually laid him onto one of the beds in one of the rooms of the infirmary the fire had left completely untouched, even though the flames had generally shown a lot mercy on this house and as much as you had seen it, only one or two rooms were painted in coal black instead of the white paint.
So there he laid, completely still, a little too tall for the bed while your fingers reached out to his still in leather clad arm, softly running your fingertips over its smoothness to calm yourself a little more down while you heard the doctor walking in and out of the house, as he seemed to get some other stuff.
For the first time you were alone with Negan again. Surreal and horribly real felt anything about this all at once, while all you wanted for him to do was just wake up, open his eyes, get that grin of his back on his lips before telling you another cringy and dirty joke he had picked up. But he didn’t, he didn’t even budged in the slightest way he just laid there in dead silence. You could feel your emotions boiling back up, urging new tears into your eyes as you gulped harshly in hope to remove the thick lump that was beginning to grow once again in your throat. Shaking you leaned down to him, your hand reaching out to the side of his head until you could feel his hair running softly through your fingers while you gently and cautiously to not hurt him more nestled your nose into his stubbly cheek.
For once his comforting scent was trumping the metallic reek of blood as your eyes closed while some lonely tears trickled down your cheeks and your trembling lips pressed a soft kiss on his skin.
You stayed just like that until you heard footsteps coming towards the room that made you flinch slightly before your eyes went up, meeting the doctor’s as his glance wandered first over Negan then you. “Thank you”, you mumbled, trying to force a grateful smile on your lips as you looked up to the man. “It’s my job”, he said back, a small smile on his lips as he gave you a nod. “I know, anyway, thank you for saving him”, you responded, your finger still softly stroking over Negan’s arm as if death could still take him away from you if you’d stop touching or feeling him in any way.
“I’m Siddiq by the way”, he said as you looked back up again, placing a small bottle he had brought with him on the countertop. “(Y/N)”, you said back just as you could see in his eyes that he was pondering about something. “Carl told me about you…in the night the bombs went off”, he said, his voice thick a he gulped slightly. “He helped me too”, he added, as you slowly began to put the pieces together, remembered the first sentences of Carl’s letter to Negan about the person he helped as he got bit. That person was Siddiq. ”I’m trying to give back”, he said, leaning slightly against the wall as he let out a small sigh. “You’re doing a good job at it”, you mumbled back, your glance wandering back to Negan and his chalk pale face that kept the concern in you up. “Good to hear. Before we clean him up and get to his hand…Michonne has already brought some new stuff for you”, you heard Siddiq say, letting you first look up to him, then to your clothes and your hands that were still full of his blood. Feeling it on you was horrible and you really did want to change and just get this awful feeling off your skin, but the fears of loss were still raging in you, worse than any feeling of blood on your body could ever feel. And if you would leave now and something would happen to him, whatever the hell it was, you knew you weren’t gonna forgive yourself that. “He’s gonna be fine”, Siddiq’s voice ripped you out of your thoughts, giving you an uplifting smile as you looked up at him and gulped heavily. “I’m a doctor, I should know, right?”, he added, still with the smile as you slowly nodded, before you saw his glance wandering to Lucille which you had leaned against the bed. “I’m not sure if Rick will allow the bat here”, he gulped, a tight breath leaving your lips as he let out a small sigh, seemingly seeing that you weren’t gonna give into this,”At least, please….at least place it completely out of his reach.” You looked at him, slowly nodding and realizing that he was right. You rather had her here and on the other side of the room than completely gone. So you grabbed her, your glance falling back to Negan as your fingers left his arm before you slowly walked across the room and placed her in a corner so that he would still be able see her.
“I’ll take care of him”, Siddiq added as he noticed how your glance fell back on Negan and you could feel some bad consciousness sneaking up in you for leaving now before you gave him a small nod and forced yourself out of the room.
Minutes later you found yourself in the bathroom, the new clothes laying on the edge of the bathtub while you rubbed Negan’s blood off your skin, watching it flowing down the drain while it took you repeatedly right back to the tree and Negan’s twisted body as it threatened to bleed out. Trying to focus to get this done quickly you peeled yourself out of the blood soaked clothes, kept washing off the blood, not only off your hands but practically of each part of your body that had touched Negan’s before you washed your face, trying to get the ugly and tensing feeling of the dried and new tears off your skin and eventually washed the blood off the small diamonds on your wrist.
With fresh clothes on and feeling a tiny bit better you walked back into the room, finding Siddiq sitting next to Negan, the removed and damaged leather glove laying on the nightstand as he took care of the wound on Negan’s hand. “Can I help?”, you quietly asked, letting him turn around to you before he gave you a friendly nod.
And with that, you got Negan eventually with Siddiq’s help out of his blood soaked clothes, began to clean him thoroughly up, got him into a new white shirt and a pair of grey sweatpants, renewed the bandage on his wrist and helped Siddiq with the one on Negan’s injured hand until you found yourself sitting exhausted on the chair right next to Negan. “Guess you want to stay here, right?”, Siddiq asked as he stood in the door frame before you have him a nod. “Yeah”, you mumbled, knowing that nothing and no one was going to get you away from Negan now. “Okay, I’m right on the first floor if you need my help”, he said, as you gave him a small but tired smile just before he vanished behind the door and his foodsteps descended until you couldn’t hear them anymore.
Slowly, you lowered your head onto Negan’s chest, the faint pounding of his heart beat beginning to calm you a bit down as it assured you that he was staying right with you. Your hand found his again as you let your fingers lace with his and allowed yourself to close your eyes, feeling his scent and warmth enclosing you even though you knew that the fears of losing him wouldn’t allow you to fall asleep. Instead of laying happily with him in the big bed at the Sanctuary as you had wished, he laid horribly injured in this bed, your own body slumped against his side while the the fears wouldn’t let you go. Your mind had already problems processing everything that had happened on this day, the questions of what was going to happen now to the Sanctuary and most of all Negan as soon as he would wake up were ghosting through your mind. But after all, they got pushed away by the simple fact that he was alive and that mattered the most to you in these moments.
Restless days and nights followed. Days on which you were only leaving his side for the most necessary things, on which you did your best to help Siddiq to renew Negan’s bandages, on which neither Michonne nor Rick were coming in, on which you asked yourself if Daryl was ever going to be able to talk to you, on which you found yourself like glued to Negan’s side, still too afraid to leave him, on which you realized even more how much he meant to you, on which you caressed him with soft touches as if it would make him wake up sooner. Nights in which you rarely slept and when you did, nightmares haunted you that took you right back to a Negan that was bleeding to death and which made you wake up in cold sweat and made you break down in tears only to be comforted by feeling Negan’s pulse and heartbeat until you huddled yourself against him as close as you could.
The sun was shining softly through the windows after yet another hard night, your fingers were tracing slowly and lazily over Negan’s arm before emerging footsteps lead your glance towards the door and eventually caught a person you hadn’t seen in days. Michonne. With a plate of food in her hands, a cup in the other she walked towards you and eventually placed it on the nightstand before she nodded towards it. “You have to eat, Siddiq told me you haven’t done that since you’re here”, she said, the tone in her voice aloof as if she didn’t know how to handle you after everything that had happened. “Thank you, but-”, you mumbled, not feeling hungry at all before she quickly cut you off. “No but, you have to eat”, she determinedly said before you gave her a small nod, knowing that your body actually needed everything she had brought you, even though you still weren’t sure if you’d be able to get any of it down your throat. For a few moments you could see Michonne looking at you, as if she was trying to read you, her glance then wandering over Negan and your hand that was still placed on his arm. Your glance met hers, unsure what to say, unsure if you should tell also her that you had never betrayed them, unsure if she would believe you but before you could even do a thing, she preempted you. “We’ll talk some time later”, she mumbled before you slowly gave her a small nod and even though that didn’t sound like much, you were glad that she was at least willing to talk to you. Turning on her heels she walked back towards the door before she moved one last time around and let her glance met yours. “Siddiq said chances are high he is going to wake up today”, she said as you shifted slightly on your seat, not quite sure how to answer. “I hope so”, you eventually brought out knowing, that in the end she knew anyway of what you had with Negan. “Me too”, she calmly said before she ultimately turned around and left, leaving you with the feeling that they had planned something for him, something you didn’t know in any way about.
The day went just like the last days, with the only exceptions that you kept on wondering what Michonne or even Rick might plan and that the chances of finally seeing Negan opening his eyes again were higher than on any other day.
You shifted slightly on your chair as the midday sun streamed through the windows, taking a sip of the water Michonne had brought you before you could feel Negan shifting beneath your hand. Snapping your head towards him your eyes widened slightly, part of you believing you had hallucinated before you heard a tiny and raspy groan leaving his lips. “Negan?”, you mumbled, a relieved smile beginning to plant on your lips as you moved up from the chair and instead sat down on the bed’s edge to see more of him. Slowly, his eyes began to flutter, letting feelings of happiness stream for the first time in days through your body as you reached up to softly cup the side of his face. “Negan?”, you mumbled again, trying to help him to get out of the last grasp the unconsciousness had on him before you saw him slowly opening his eyes. “Baby?”, you heard his raspy and exhausted voice say, his glance confused as if he was still trying to find himself before his eyes caught yours and let another wave of relief wash through you. “Hey”, you just quietly mumbled, the wide smile on your lips now unable to remove anymore as your thumb softly caressed his stubbly cheek. Just as you opened your mouth again to continue you heard footsteps and caught Siddiq walking into the room. “He’s awake?”, he asked as he stood actually a little surprised in the doorframe. “Yes”, you mumbled as you first looked up from Negan and saw the doctor walking with fast steps towards the bed just as a dry cough went through Negan’s hurting throat that let him grimace in pain. “You’ll get him some water? I’ll take care of the rest”, Siddiq said as he grabbed some of his utensils while you nodded before your glance fell back at Negan. “I’ll be right back”, you said, assuring that his still exhausted mind understood you before you leaned down to let your smiling lips press a kiss on his forehead until you eventually got up from the bed.
You had a hard time leaving him, now that you finally had him back but if you could at least make him feel a little better with some water that would stop his throat from being the dry desert it must be now, you were okay with it.
With fast steps you rushed towards the kitchen, hearing the beeping of a walkie and Siddiqs voice saying something that was not understandable to you as you searched for a water bottle and a glass. With your hasty hands almost pushing everything in your way over and making it all actually harder for you than it had to be, you almost hadn’t noticed Michonne and Rick stepping into the house. Just as you grabbed a water bottle you saw them coming inside, their glances brushing for a short moment over you before you realized that Siddiq must have called them, telling them that Negan was awake. You could feel the tension in your body rising as you saw them making their way out of the kitchen and instead heading towards Negan’s room as exactly this tension made your hands even more hasty.
“We know you’re awake”, you heard Michonne’s voice sounding faintly through the walls as you grabbed a glass and heard her continuing after Negan must have quietly responded something, "Good, because we need to tell you some things. And you don’t have to open your eyes now. But you’re gonna open them soon. Because we’re gonna make you watch what happens.” “And this isn’t about who you killed. No, we’ve killed people. No, this is about what you did to us, what you did to so many people. How you made people live for you, how you put people under your boot”, you heard Rick’s voice say just before Negan’s raspy and weak voice spoke up. “I saved people!” “Michonne”, you could hear Siddiq say while the water was rushing into the glass just as the tension and restlessness in you grew more as you heard her voice again. “He needs to know. This isn’t a discussion.” “We can open up his stitches for a little while just to remind him”, and with that coming out of Rick’s mouth you grabbed the glass and rushed towards the room, your protectiveness over Negan rising up once again as your fast footsteps sounded through over the wooden floor.
Just as you stepped inside the room you saw Rick turning around to you, but even more you saw Michonne’s grasp wrapping around Negan’s injured throat. Heavily gulping and an in concern narrowing glance you walked towards the bed and caught her eyes. ”Please, I think he got it”, you mumbled as calmly as you could, persuading Michonne to let go as instead you placed the glass of water on the nightstand before your fingers found Negan’s bandaged hand until his fingers for the first time in days responded to your touch as you felt how they curled slightly around yours. “Carl pictured something better. All of us working together for something bigger than all of us. And you’ll have a job, too”, Rick said as he walked up to Michonne the tension in your body rising as you could hear in Rick’s voice that it wasn’t gonna be something good. “Yeah. You get to be a part of it”, Michonne added, your glance switching between them and Negan before you heard Rick speaking up once again. “You’ll be an example of what this will be. We’re not gonna kill you. We’re not gonna hurt you. You’re gonna rot in a cell. For the rest of your life, day after day”, and with that, a cold shiver ran through your body, letting every inch of you ache as your eyes were glued on Negan, his still glassy eyes staring up from Rick up to the ceiling as his brows slightly puckered.
The shivers in your body didn’t stop as you curled your fingers a little tighter around Negan’s, the shock rooting deep in your body as your mind forced you to imagine him in the cell Morgan had build so long ago.
But what did you expect? Rick had let Negan live but letting him run around free or even making a deal with him now was something you had hoped for even though you didn’t believe it yourself. He still despised Negan with every fibre of his body and everyone else including Maggie and your half-brother wanted revenge, you could even imagine that they still wanted his death and were everything else than pleased with him ‘just’ being held as a prisoner.
”You’re gonna be evidence that we’re making a civilization, something like what we had, something we’re gonna get back. And you get to watch it happen. And you get to see how wrong you were about what people can be, about what life can be. You, alive, is gonna help show people that things have changed, that keepin’ you breathing earns another way, a better way. That’s the part you’ll play”, Rick said, the slight growling in his voice clearly audible as Negan gulped, the muscles in his cheek twitched while his lips pressed into a thin line “So after all this maybe you’re good for something”, Michonne added, before they looked one last time at you and began to leave the room along with Siddiq.
“I didn’t know”, you quietly mumbled with a gulp as their footsteps had hushed. Your glance moved to Negan, looking apologizing at him as you felt him softly squeezing your hand the way he so often did when he wanted to give you some comfort. Your glance wandered over the door before you first let go of Negan, rounded the bed to eventually close it to give the both of you a little more privacy.
Just as the door closed with a small thud you heard Negan’s raspy gasp before you turned around and looked into his eyes that stared clouded with some tears at you. “I stopped…i tried to-”, he mumbled before the hurting of his injury cut him off, just as you reached the bed again and sat down by his side. “I know…I know, I’ve seen it”, you softly and soothingly said, leaning a bit down as your fingers caressed over his cheek, his eyes still looking at you as you knew how much it meant to him that you had seen him do what you had always plead for and seen him keeping his promise to you. The emotions washed back over you as your forehead sunk against his, his eyes closing while you first felt this specific kind of warmth streaming through your body again as both of your lips found one another. Even though the longing and even desperation in you called for a more passionate kiss you kept your touches soft, still too afraid to hurt him as your lips moved gently in rhythm with his.
“I was so damn scared”, you mumbled shakily against his lips as you couldn’t keep those words locked up anymore, feeling his hot breath hitting your skin as he leaned slightly up to let his lips capture yours again.
You leaned deeper in, longing so badly for feeling him with you after all these restless days.
“Lucille’s here too…took her with me”, you mumbled eventually as your forehead leaned against his again before you slowly backed away to reveal the bat that stood in the corner. “Wasn’t allowed to keep her closer but so you can at least see her”, you said, a small smile growing on Negan’s lips as his glance wandered from the bat to you. “You’re the fucking best, you know that?”, his raspy voice mumbled, letting a bigger smile grow on your lips before he weakly nodded to his arm. “You gonna come here?”, he quietly asked as he tried to move his arm a little to give you a bit space on the bed. You nodded, carefully lowering your body until you sunk against him, your arm wrapping around his torso, your leg hooking around his to keep yourself securely on the bed, your face nuzzling into his chest until you felt his warm skin and the tickling chest hair beneath the fabric of his shirt.
Negan tried to wrap his arm a little tighter around you, the weakness of his body still keeping him from moving much more as a tight breath let his chest rumble.
“And what now?”, he quietly asked after a while of just laying like that with each other. “We’ll get together through this”, you mumbled, repeating the words he had once told you whole trying to keep the relief and happiness in your body up and trying to not let the shock over what Rick had said trump or even push them away. “Is that what you want?…Fucking whole life with a prisoner?”, he asked tensely, his weak voice still slightly shaky as you looked up from his chest. “Yes, if that prisoner is you then yes”, you said, not even letting the thought of you wanting him less just because he wasn’t the leader of a community anymore and instead a prisoner settle in his mind. Negan’s face loosened a little up, his eyes becoming softer as he heard your words. “I’ve almost lost you…I won’t let that happen again”, you quietly said, as after the last days had painfully but truly shown you what he meant to you and after almost having him bleed to death in your arms, you refused to let anything in you hold you back from showing him. Everything could be over so fast, that was a lecture that had been given to you again on the most painful way so you weren’t gonna waste any more time.
“And after all…Rick has gone from wanting nothing else but killing you to this here, so he can someday go from taking you as a prisoner to something else, something better too”, you quietly mumbled after a while as you shifted a little more against him, as you tried to give him some of the hope you had urged yourself to have for the future. Negan’s glance captured yours as he gave you as much of a nod as his injury allowed him to while a tight breath left his lips, showing you that you couldn’t stop now. “You know I don’t think you had the right methods,…but I know you had the right intentions”, you muttered, letting out a small sigh, “So I know that you can find other ways, and maybe some time you’ve found them and Rick will see that too…who knows.”
Negan’s arm tightened a little more, as you reached up, your hand cupping the side of his jaw as he slowly leaned into your touch, his brows puckering a little in pain as he closed his eyes for a moment, the injury and the truly life changing and hard words Rick had said obviously weighing hard on him.
“No matter how long this all that might take, I’m with you and I’ll stay with you, okay?”, you mumbled, trying to comfort him a little as he opened his eyes again, his softening glance wandering over his face as a small smile pressed into the corners of his lips. “Okay”, he quietly said, his hand moving a little more over you as he tried to pull you a bit closer before you let your head sink with a smile back onto his chest and felt him cradling you as much as he could against his body. “You know what?”, you whispered softly as you cuddled closer, “That’s my promise to you.”
“Shh…it’s okay”, you quietly mumbled in the most soothing voice you could provide to the big man that laid sobbing in your arms, his face buried deeply into the curve of your neck while his hot tears dampened your shirt.
You didn’t have to think much to know that no one at the Sanctuary had ever seen the big bad wolf just as nearly emotional as now, that had just been left to you and no other person. But even to you this was new, even though you had thought you had already seen him in all kinds of possible states.
And so the urge to calm him down and comfort him grew with every second while you could feel the waves of pain that washed through your body with every sob and whimper you heard coming from him.
“Fuck…fucking shit fuck”, he half growled, half sobbed as he clung onto you, a trembling breath erupting his chest before you began to lean back into the bed, half dragging him with yourself to make the both of you lay down.
“Everything’s gonna be fine in the end, okay Negan? Everything’s gonna be okay”, you said, your hand reaching up to run your fingers soothingly through his hair just the way you knew he liked it while the sound of his cries and the feeling of the shivers that ran through his body let a thick lump grow in your throat.
Negan didn’t respond a thing, he just held you tighter in his arms to keep you as close as possible while your voice and touch seemed to finally begin to slowly calm him down.
Minutes later, his chest was still rising at a fast pace up and down, but gradually the sobs stopped and all what left his lips were small and shaky breaths. Slowly, you felt him moving his head a little until he could lean his forehead against your neck while you turned your face slightly to place a small kiss on his skin and let your fingers caress over his salt and pepper stubble.
“I don’t fucking know how to go on”, he shakily said, his favorite curse word pressing in a stronger manner out of his lips as if it would display his whole desperation. “Then we’ll find a way how. The most important thing is that you can. You can go on, I know that…and you know that you can count on me. No matter what”, you soothingly said, your fingers caressing now over his temple as another heavy breath shook his chest. “I don’t even deserve that, I don’t deserve you-” “Stop, you deserve me”, you cut him off, not even letting these thoughts settle down in his mind that were ghosting through it whenever the fears and regrets of his past mixed with new ones.
Slowly, Negan moved up, his usually strong body now still weakened before his glance met yours. Even in the faint light you could see the marks the tears had left on him, his eyes still slightly swollen, the dried ,and new and wet tears sticking to his skin while his usually carefully slicked back hair was now slightly tousled. His forehead began to lean against yours, his still unsteady breaths hitting your skin as you reached up to softly remove the last tears from his face and beard stubble.
“We’ll get through this, okay? Together”, you mumbled as your eyes met his just before you could see him nodding while his arms wrapped a little closer around you. “Okay”, his now croaky and raspy voice mumbled before he slowly leaned down until his still trembling lips could meet yours. Softly and displaying all the affection you felt for him, your lips began to caress over his as you could feel him sinking more into the kiss as if it was the solution to all of his problems.
And of course it wasn’t, that would be too easy and good to be true, but in some way the kiss was the beginning of the solution you both would achieve. Together.
• As soon as he notices someone who’s taking too much of that specific liking in you, him beginning to keep an eye on that person, especially when they’re trying to get some similar shifts as you or just “randomly” meets you in the hallways or in the hall
• Him trusting you, no question, but simply the thought of someone taking you away from him or trying to show that they’re better for you lets an ice-cold shudder run down his spine
• Him turning to show more that you’re with him and taken, including wrapping his arms around you when the person is close or even suddenly pulling you into a deep kiss
• Him turning quiet and even a little grumpy when he hears you, even though innocently, talking about the person in any way, just not liking that this person is getting this kind of attention from you
• Him here and there definitely using his higher position to prevent them from purposely taking the same shifts as you or simply trying to schedule them on other runs when they’ve tried to go on one with you
• Him being acting cold whenever he is around that person, but mostly rather trying to avoid them in any way in the first place
• When you’re with him, it being a constant back and worth between him being tensed up and even frustrated, and him trying to search for your closeness to assure himself and you that no one else gets between you
• All that intensifies until you get what’s happening and reassure him that neither this person nor anyone else is a danger to your relationship
• And even though he believes you and feels utter relief, if this person still tries to get too close to you, him making a step towards them to warn them about what he could make happen if they don’t keep their hands off of you