Summary: While the Reader has to deal with the annoying sides of being a woman, Negan tries his best to take care of his girl and her pain in his cell.
This is one of the drabbles for the time jump between season 8 and 9! It’s linked to my series, so If you like you can find itrighthere, but you can also easily read it independently from it.
“Right here?”, Negan asked as you felt him shifting over the softly squeaking mattress, letting his large hand caress over your lower stomach that felt like an elephant was sitting on your belly, pressing in on it while thousands of knives where diving and wrenching into your hurting flesh. “Yeah”, you mumbled, cuddling more into his side, feeling his arm wrapping tighter around your body as his thumb slowly stroke over your skin. “Fuck this”, you grumbled, feeling another cramp spreading out over your lower stomach, letting you squirm beneath the thin blanket of the prison’s bed while Negan let out a small sigh. “Ah shit, that fucker in there throwing a fit again?”, he asked, letting you sink a little more into his side as you slowly nodded, feeling the pressure pushing more into your already hurting body. “Hell, if I could, I’d get ya some hot bag or some damn chocolate”, he mumbled, pressing a kiss against your temple while a bit of disappointment was swinging in his voice. “I know, but your hand’s doing a pretty great job too”, you chuckled softly, reaching out to caress your fingertips over the back of his hand for a moment. “That’s what it always does, right?”, Negan chuckled throatily, tightening his embrace a little around you while his warm hand soothed your pain a bit and calmed the storm within your body’s middle. “Yeah, it sure does”, you mumbled with a small laugh, leaning your face into the warmth of his neck, breathing contently and deeply in and out as soon as his scent and warmth began to lull you a little more into their comfortableness before another cramp made you flinch slightly. “Fuck…that bad?”, Negan mumbled concerned, circling his fingers gently over your skin as if it would magically let the pain vanish. “Yeah…shit, I already took one tablet at the infirmary…hoped it would kick in faster…fucking hate this crap”, you grumbled, huffing as you shifted a little, as if it would loosen the tension that was building up in your lower stomach. “Well then maybe I gotta put a baby in there next time so you can skip over this shit”, Negan chuckled, trying to make you laugh and distract you while thumping his pointing finger softly onto your skin as you let out a small chuckle and cuddled closer into his embrace and the fabric of his prison suit. “Yeah so I can deal with the millionth times worse pain nine months later”, you joked, feeling how Negan leaned his head against yours and caressed your stomach a little more with the rough tips of his fingers and the warmth of his palm. “Anyway….for now I just need you to keep your hand there and cuddle me some more”, you mumbled, feeling how he tucked you a little more in while a small chuckle let his chest vibrate as you shifted a bit to nuzzle your face into it, craving the warmth that was radiating through the steel blue fabric. “Aye, aye, Captain…as you fucking wish”, Negan chuckled, pressing another kiss on your forehead, letting his warm lips caress over your skin while his thick beard stubble scratched softly against it. “If you need somethin’ else, need the seamann to sail the red sea or just give you some nice ass back rub…just let me know”, Negan mumbled against your skin as he softly laughed and held you a little closer as you let out a small chuckle. “I will, but this is perfect right now”, you mumbled, humming as you felt his warm hand caressing once more over your stomach. “Alright, then just let me keep ya warm and cozy and then, hopefully, this fucker will calm their ass down”, Negan mumbled against your skin as he pulled you a little closer into his embrace, motivating you to nuzzle your face deeper into his warm chest until you closed your eyes and just let him hold you in his strong arms.
• The rough and hungry kisses he gives you when you’re making out, when his whole attention is just focused on nothing else but you, you can feel his tongue teasing yours in a demanding and hungry manner, can feel and hear deep growls rumble through his chest and vibrate against your lips and feel the heat in both of your bodies rising as he keeps your body as close as he can against his
• Sloppy morning kisses that happen right after he has woken up and leans in to place his lips on your neck, your jaw and eventually your lips, all while he’s still sleepy, sometimes hasn’t even completely opened his eyes yet and just wants to feel you right there with him
• The pecks in between that are, even though they’re small, actually just as important as the long and deep kisses as they’re always there, no matter if it’s just a quick kiss before you or he’s going out to do something around the Sanctuary, one of you is in hurry but still rush over to kiss the other one or it’s simply to just have the other one for a small moment close
• Slow and loving kisses that show Negan’s other sides and which can be even more gentle than one would ever expect to come from a man like him. Those kisses are the ones you mostly share when you’re alone, when he’s got you all to himself and you can feel each and every bit of him as he’s letting his lips caress over yours and holds you tightly in his arms
• The ones he gives you right as he’s climbing back on top of you, your body still trembling from what his tongue and his lips have done to you, all while his eyes are darkened in lust, a devilish grin is dancing on his lips that are just like his beard stubble glistening in your juices as he leans in to pull you into a deep kiss and let you taste yourself
• The ones he gives you when he’s already gotta get up in the early morning hours when you’re still in bed and asleep, but wake up for a short moment when you hear him trying to get ready and leave the apartment as quiet as he can and feel him leaning down to your dozy self all while he has to grin slightly as he hears you sleepily mumbling something before he presses a small kiss on your lips and tells you quietly to go back to sleep
• The ones after he comes back from a a stressful day filled with men of his that have pissed him off or even a longer run, when he’s still pumped full with adrenaline and grabs you immediately to smash his lips on yours and pull you into a teeth clashing, rough and yearning kiss that demands to still the longing and hunger he has built up for you
• Heated kisses he presses on your lips in the hallways of the Sanctuary that are simply there to make sure that no man just nearly begins to think of taking you away from him and any of them get well reminded of the fact that you belong to him
• The ones you both have when he’s falling completely exhausted after a long and stressful day into bed, was even almost too tired to get properly out of his clothes and just lays next to you on his stomach, stretching his longs legs out and glimpsing sleepily at you before enjoying the kisses you share when you lean in and slowly caress your lips over his before you cuddle up to him
• The kisses where he murmurs and chuckles some remark against your lips that actually makes it hard for you to concentrate on your kiss and instead lets you break out in laughter that is muffled as soon as he presses his lips with more passion on yours
• Kisses when he’s beginning to get you ready for him, when he’s feeling you up and lets his hand wander over your body or even lets them slip into your panties or simply when he’s already feeling himself getting harder with each moment and can’t hold the deep and hungry growls back that rumble through his chest and throat
• The comforting ones after one of you had nightmare or simply got haunted by the past, regrets or fears and just need some solace, kisses that are sometimes just small and even feathery, and other times desperate and longing as you need to feel the other one as close as possible
• Kisses that swallow your moans when he’s thrusting deeply inside your heat, his hands are gripping your hips and ass that hard that they will most likely leave marks as they push you even closer against his body all while he’s carrying you closer to your high and is eager to feel and see you cumming for him
• Deep and longing kisses you can have whenever you’re slowly taking things further, you’ve missed the closeness of the other one or simply need to feel each other as close as you can
• The kisses when you’re laying in his arms after you’ve had sex, the both of you have calmed down again but are still a little breathless as he’s pulling you tighter against his bare body and leans in to kiss you and to still more of the hunger that’s still lingering in him
• Kisses when he’s using his beard stubble purposely to tease and tickle your skin, especially when he’s letting go of your lips, continues to kiss and nibble down your neck just to playfully chafe his stubbly cheek against the sensitive skin and hold you tighter in his arms to tease you just a little longer
• The ones he gives you when you’re showering or bathing together that can be rough and deep or loving and slow but always have the specialty of his wet skin pressing against yours, his from the hot water even warmer lips and his dark hair that hangs tousled and in strands into his face as you run your fingers through it
• Kisses he places either soft or teasingly on the skin he has marked with his lips, his teeth or even his hands just to make sure again that you’ve not only noticed and seen what he’s done to you and won’t forget about it anytime you see them but also let them show you that you’re his
• When you’re in bed and you’re laying in his arms, he often lets his warm lips brush against your skin, lets them place some soft kisses on your forehead or your temple all while he wraps his arms a little tighter around you and lets you bury your head in his warm chest or in the crook of his neck
• Just like he kisses your temple and especially when you’re having trouble sleeping, he also sometimes reaches out to cup your hand in his large palm and lead it to his lips, just to let them kiss and brush over your knuckles and the back over your hand and lets his beard stubble chafe slightly against your skin, all in order to just loose you a little up and help you sleep
• The kisses right after he has shaved, when his rough face is soft, you can smell the pleasant scent of his aftershave mixing with his own and instead of the familiar and beloved tickling of his salt and pepper stubble, your lips and fingers can feel his clean shaved skin right against yours as he’s melting into you
• Kisses he places on your neck that can heat your body up within seconds, that can make you let out a small gasp as soon as his lips meet your skin or you can feel him beginning to nibble and leave his marks on you as he’s beginning to feel you up and let you know how much he wants you
Shortly after the world has gone south, the Reader meets the man she thought she would never see again
Request: “Could you do a Negan x reader story where it’s near the beginning of the outbreak and they end up helping each other through?” I had to change it a bit up to make the story properly work, but I hope y’all enjoy reading!
Soft sun rays streamed through the dusty windows as you slowly walked through the house, the floorboards creaking quietly beneath your shoes and the wooden handle of your knife securely in your hand as your eyes were attentively wandering over every possible source of a danger. Deadly danger to be exact, walkers that could have been just months or rather a good bunch of weeks ago living people you would see strolling over the street, talking to each other about the weather or complaining about their god awful jobs. Now they were nothing more than walking corpses, trying to rip the flesh off of your bones to assuage their seemingly unsatisfiable hunger and to strike you down just to eventually turn you after an unbearable torture of fever and sickness into one of them. Everything had happened so damn fast that it still sometimes felt as if you would wake up out of a nightmare any time. But you didn’t, this was the reality and you had to live with it, just like you had to live with the things you had seen and experienced over the last weeks that couldn’t have been any worse. A thick lump began to grow back in your throat as memories began to pop up in your mind, the tingling in your nose started to become heavier as tears began to shoot into your eyes just by the thought of the ones you had lost in this short period of time. The pain was still unbearable, your only option was suppressing it and bottling it securely up if you didn’t want it to tear you even more apart than it already had. With a shaky breath you looked down at yourself, your glance catching the knife in your hand your mom had carried with herself just until a week ago. Just until you had lost her as well, just like anybody else before. The damn knife was the very last thing you had left from anyone of your family, the very last thing you could hold onto even though it was just some wood and a blade. Everything else was gone, everyone else was gone.
Chocking back the tears that wanted to fight for their release you bit your lip, trying to keep the grief from taking over as you slowly made your way over to a wooden commode. Carefully you opened the first drawer that was filled with nothing but bills and other random paperwork of the person who must have lived here before. With a huff you closed it again, your eyes wandering for a short moment around yourself to make sure that you were still alone before you moved on to the second drawer, a small part of you hoping that you would at least find something useful there.
Your hands ran through it the drawer that seemed to have been store for odds and ends before your glance caught a small black and plastic wrapper, it’s surface adorned with some pretty golden font that was oddly familiar to you while its writing told you about its inside. A chocolate filled cookie. A small chuckling scoff left your lips as you picked it up, finding yourself being thrown at with memories once again. For anyone else this would have been just a lucky catch, a chocolate cookie in the goddamn apocalypse was after all a pretty nice treat but for you, this pastry meant more, way more to you. It brought you right back to the time the world hadn’t been roamed by the dead, to the time where you still had the small side job in the local coffee house and even more, it brought you back to a special costumer of yours.
The coffee house was surprisingly chock-full as you heard the voices of the chatting costumers mixing with the busy ones of your colleagues while you filled new milk into the coffee machine, glad to be able to stay at the bar instead of having to run through the bustling people. Grabbing a small cloth you cleaned the wooden counter up, keeping an eye on walk-in costumers before your eyes caught someone walking through the door. A tall man, with dark, if not black hair that was carefully slicked back, a salt and pepper beard was lingering around his lips that seemed as if they were constantly curled into a small grin or smirk and hazel eyes that could glue anyone right to the spot. You had seen him pretty often here over the last time but had never been the one to take his order even though today seemed to be the very day this was gonna change.
Watching your colleagues buzzing busily through the room you caught him walking towards you, his eyes darting at you before he leaned himself against the counter and looked grinning at you. ”Hey, two coffees to-go please”, he said, his deep voice letting a shiver run through your body before you internally scolded and pulled yourself together. ”With sugar or milk?”, you asked with a friendly smile, beginning to let the coffee machine pour the dark liquid into two paper cups. ”One with milk, the other black”, he said, the grin still lingering on his lips while his tongue slowly slid over his lower lip, before it got captured between his teeth. ”Sure thing”, you said, feeling how his hazel eyes that were still darting at you began to let you feel their effect more than you liked to admit. ”Alright, here you go”, you eventually said, with the two ready coffees in your hands just before placing them in front of him on the counter. Quickly, you crouched down to get two cookies for each coffee out of the small and different boxes beneath the bar, before your hasty hands grabbed them. Standing back up, you reached out to place them next to the cups, your mind swinging somewhere else than you wanted before you felt the hot surface of the cups touching your knuckles and the next thing you heard was the man’s gasp.
With widened eyes they caught the coffee cup falling down against his pants, a storm of curse words whirling immediately through your head. Great job, great fucking job. “Fuck”, you gasped, already making your way around the bar to walk over to him, your head turning with each moment more into the shade of a ripe tomato, “Oh god, I’m so sorry.” “it’s fucking fine”, he calmly said, picking up the cup and placing it back on the countertop before he stroke over the coffee daubed part of his shirt and pants. “Wait, I’ll get you some wet cloth”, you quickly said, your mind still scolding yourself as you rushed back behind the corner to grab a small towel before wetting it thoroughly. Now you had this handsome costumer for fucking once and sure, you just had to fuck it up and be a little damn wreck. God, what the hell was wrong with you? “Might be a little better here”, you heard him say as you looked back up, catching him trying to get out of the way of the people and your busy colleagues while he nodded into the hallway that lead into the café’s back. “Yeah, probably”, you said back, forcing a small smile onto your lips as you walked with him back into the hallway.
“Shit”, you mumbled just a bit later, your hand sliding covered in the wet cloth over his pant’s side, “I’m sorry, really” “No fucking problem, we might just get in trouble if your boss comes in now”, you heard his deep voice chuckle quietly before you looked irritated up at him. “Why?”, you asked before you saw his fingers making a swift movement around you, your mind beginning to realize what your crouching and more than suggestive position in front of him had to look like to anyone who would walk in now. “Oh…shit”, you scoffed, the blush that had vanished over the last minutes from your face coming back up again as it heated your cheeks up. Other costumers would have made a big deal out of it all, but he was actually being really nice and calm, cracking a joking remark here and there as if he was trying to loose you up as well. And you couldn’t deny that he was successful with it.
“If you’re coming late to work because of this I’m sorry”, you mumbled, finally seeing how the color of the coffee was beginning to fade. “No not work”, he said as the wet cloth slid over the white shirt ,”My wife’s in the hospital right down the street, I was early anyway. Gotta thank you, now I don’t have to wait in those cold ass hallways. Gonna be right on point after her radiotherapy-” Right there he stopped, the amused sound in his voice vanished as your eyes glimpsed up, realizing what radiotherapy meant for the reason his wife was in hospital. “Cancer…I uhm-”, he began, letting out a humorless, even nervous chuckle before he gulped down while you could feel all kinds of feelings from before vanishing out of your mind and body and instead got replaced with compassion. You knew what this kind of illness was doing to people and their loved ones, you had experienced it as a kid with one of your family members as well and now, there was this man standing in front of you, clearly uncomfortable and trying to get himself out of the mess he was sliding in. “She likes that coffee here best, so I guess that’s gonna make her day a little better”, you heard him quickly add, trying to get back to the casual and confident attitude he was usually carrying while forcing the grin back on his lips. “Yeah I’m sure of that. Also ‘cause the coffee in hospitals is always pretty shitty”, you added with a small smile, trying to loose the situation a bit up. “Hell yes, that some crappy gnat’s piss there… and they don’t have those great ass cookies. She fucking loves those fuckers with the chocolate mousse filling”, he added with a chuckle, the smile and grin on his lips now completely genuine as he had seemingly shook the tension off himself. “Oh yes, they’re the best.”
“The coffees are on me,…the cookies too”, you said a bunch of minutes later, as you placed the fresh coffees on the counter and a good handful of the chocolate filled cookies as well. “But they’re-”, he began, pointing at the cookies with a confused glance and puckered brows before you cut him off. “I know, it’s the little things, right?”, you said with a small smile, before you saw the one one his face widening. “Yeah”, he said with a smile as well, scratching his palm over his beard stubble ,“Holy hell, then thank you, bet that’s gonna make her day.” He gave you another smile as he grabbed the coffees and the cookies before´giving you a chuckling nod. “Till next time, coffee house girl.”
That was his nickname for you from this day on and just like the nickname sticked with you and escaped his lips anytime he stepped into the café, you kept on giving him the handful of chocolate filled cookies for his wife with him until it became some kind of tradition. Somehow you liked the idea of letting someone in hospital light up and even though they were just some cookies, you knew that those little things could actually bring up more happiness than one would guess. So he kept on coming into the coffee house, mostly every day, then other times with one or two days in between but he always ignored the other colleagues and walked straight up to you. It were always the two coffees and the cookies just like a talk about everything and anything, filled with his special kind of humor and with time, even some more serious topics. And next to the days you were at the café, he was quick with pointing the ones you weren’t there out too as he always ironically, dramatically and with a big grin on his lips complained about those days on which he didn’t get to make you blush, laugh or even cringe with his remarks and just got two cookies for him and his wife, that were to cap it all not even chocolate filled. You hadn’t even known his name for the most time but still, you couldn’t deny that you had caught yourself looking out for him on the usual times he came in and liking the small chats you had when you were preparing his coffees. Actually, they were even like a small break from the busy shifts.
“There she is, my favorite coffee house girl”, the familiar deep voice boomed as you watched him walking towards the bar and straight into your direction. “As always?”, you asked with a small chuckle as he leaned himself against the counter and rested his elbows on the dark wood. “Yep, as fucking always”, he said with a big grin, running his hand over the salt and pepper beard before you reached down to the box for the cookies with chocolate mousse filling. Crouching, you grabbed the last five ones of them that were lingering in the box’s back before standing back up and placing them onto the counter. “You’re lucky, these are our last ones with chocolate filling”, you said, nodding to the cookies as you began to make the coffees. “Well then thank fucking god”, he said with a small chuckle before he raised his voice again,“But I bet you would’ve kept those locked up for your favorite costumer, huh?” “Of course”, you chuckled, placing the first coffee next to the cookies while a throaty laugh left his lips. “By now, I got the feeling my wife likes you better than me”, he chuckled while a small laughing snort left your lips. “Now you should get them in the bag before my colleagues catch me”, you said, nodding towards the cookies before he grabbed them and got them into his pocket. “Feels like were dealing some kinda shit drugs”, he chuckled before he leaned himself back against the counter and looked at you, “And by the way, that shit has worked all the damn times before too.” “Nah not quite”, you said, as you saw the machine pouring the last bit of coffee into the second cup before your glance went back up at him. “Why?”, he asked, his brows puckering before the amused glance in his eyes began to vanish. “One of the others called me on about it”, you said with a small sigh, remembering the encounter about a week ago. “Shit, what did you say?”, he asked, his palm scratching over his stubbly cheek as his eyes were fixed on you. “That you paid extra for them”, you said as a small grin came back up onto your lips while you saw how his eyes lightened up again. “Good”, he said as you began to squeeze the plastic lid onto the coffee cup ,”Really don’t wanna get you in trouble for that.” “You don’t”, you said with a small smile, placing the second cup in front of him as he began to get his wallet out, his long fingers fumbling on the black leather. “Alright, then here you go”, he said with the mix of a smile and a smirk back as he placed the money in front of you before your eyes wandered in confusion over it. “That’s too much, way too-” “The rest’s for you and let me know some shit you like, can be what fucking ever. Just wanna give a bit back”, he said as your lips were still gaping surprised open while a small throaty chuckle rumbled through his chest. “That’s not necessary-” “It is”, he said, cutting you quickly off again before he gave you another smile, “Not only coming from me, also from the chocolate cookie loving woman in hospital and she’s insisting on it too.” “Alright, then thank you, and tell your wife thanks as well”, you said, the smile widening on your lips before you heard him speaking up as well. “Gonna do that for fucking sure. Oh and it’s Negan by the way, a bit fucking awkward that we still don’t know each other’s name after all that fucking time”, he chuckled but before you could respond you could hear the ringing of a phone coming out of his pant’s pocket, just before he let out a small huff, grabbed it, looked at the screen before looking back up to you. “Shit, gotta go. See ya tomorrow, coffee house girl.”
That was one of the last longer chats you had with him, after that, you could tell that his wife’s state was becoming worse with each day. He didn’t only come more rarely into the coffee house, the sorrow that must’ve eaten him more and more up had become visible with dark rings beneath his eyes, his hair hadn’t been as carefully slicked back as always and the grin that had normally lingered constantly on his lips had only curled slightly up for the bit he talked to you until he grabbed the coffees and cookies and made his way back to the hospital. Looking back, you couldn’t deny that you had caught yourself worrying more than once. But then a whole different problem emerged as the first news started to roll in, the first talks with friends about what the hell was going on started just like the thought that it was probably just a temporary problem until you were proved horribly wrong and had to see the madness with your own eyes.
“Can you get more coffee beans for the machine? They’re empty again”, Milly’s voice screeched loudly over the bar, her blonde hair hanging in messy strands into her face, almost symbolic for the stress the full coffee house was giving all of you before she stormed outside to the next costumers that were sitting down at the tables beneath the wide sunshades. Nodding you made your way into the back of the café until you had reached the small room filled with back ups before you began to search for another bag of coffee beans. “Oh come on”, you scoffed, your hands seeking unsuccessfully through the shelves until you finally got a glimpse of the brown bag you were searching for. Scoffing you grabbed its edge, just as a blood freezing scream made you flinch up, gun shots from outside booming into the coffee house as you already found yourself running with the bag in your arms back to the bar, driven by your instincts. As soon as your feet hit the wooden floor of the café, your eyes widened, your breath stopped and a mess of boiling heat and icy coldness ran through you by the scene that was playing in front of you. Milly’s face was wrenching in pain as she stumbled back into the coffee house, tears streaming over her face as she held her bleeding arm, a big wound in form of a bite boasting in her flesh, just like you had seen in all the news. People gathered around her, some staring, some trying to help while you stood in shook there, not able to move as the voices sounded muffled through your head, your eyes moving for a moment from your bleeding and screaming colleague to the outside where the gunshots were still booming. Police officers in harsh armor shot at a groaning men, their bullets hitting his body over and over again while none of them brought him to the ground. His eyes were wide open, glassy, more dead than alive, his skin deathly pale, his in Milly’s blood covered mouth gaping open as he stretched his arm out to the men. “We need to get her to the hospital”, you heard a panicking female voice scream before your eyes saw how the bullets hit the man’s head, teared it apart and seemingly let your heart stop.
That day the coffee house had closed right after Milly got taken to the hospital. As you had left the café you had still been completely shocked and paralyzed and little had you known that this had been the very last time that you’d seen this place. You could still see yourself walking hastily down the streets, your breath heavy and your heart pounding against your chest as you passed the hospital, a tiny part of your muddled mind shifting towards Negan and his wife and then back to Milly who must have thought in these moments that the doctors inside could still help her. Now she was dead and Negan probably too. Everybody you knew was gone.
Gulping harshly you twisted the cookie with your fingers before letting it slide into the pocket of your jacket. You had often damned the coffee house, had forced yourself to take the shifts in there but now you couldn’t deny that some of you missed it a little bit, maybe even more the talks with your indeed favorite costumer.
Huffing you tried to keep yourself from falling into more nostalgia as you began to search through the other drawers, actually finding some useful things even though you couldn’t deny that the cookie stayed your personal favorite.
The sun was already beginning to turn into its soft afternoon state as you made your way back out of the house, your backpack filled with some cans you had found inside that now chinked slightly with every step you took. Warm sun rays danced over your face as you strolled down the abandoned streets, your beloved knife always securely in your hand.
A few days passed and the cookie stayed in your jacket’s pocket. It was odd how people could get attached to such random things as soon as they carried memories or could be connected to something just in the tiniest way meaningful, how they took those things to grasp onto something and keep themselves going. And you knew that you definitely weren’t an exception. The knife, now the cookie, you were no bit better, actually, you were probably even an exhibit A for this phenomena.
Huffing quietly you made your way down an abandoned and narrow backroad through the forest, the blacktop filled with potholes and covered with dried leaves that showed that the influence of humanity was gradually retreating. Your mind was trying to figure out where you could spend the next night as your glance captured the way the sun began to vanish behind the skyline of the trees while the pretty and colorful sky would be more of a threat until you had found shelter for the night and the blustery darkness. Pondering you kept walking before you found yourself at the end of the path, now only trees and the underwoods emerging in front of you. Slowly, you made your way into the woods, grasping your knife a little tighter as you knew that behind every single one of these trees and bushes could wait an undead for you, ready to make you their dinner.
You kept on making your way through the forest, trying your best to avoid stumbling over the several roots and undergrowth that was trying to make it as hard as it could for you. Your senses were working flat out, your heart pumping a little harder against your chest than before as you suddenly heard the sound of footsteps. Unsure if your stressed and forcefully attentive mind was making you hallucinate you pressed yourself against the nearest, thick tree as a hide out before trying to find out if a walker or maybe even more were making their way into your direction. If it was one, you could take it out after those weeks of training without ending up as its snack, but killing a couple of these decomposing and flesh seeking corpses at once? No, you just weren’t capable to do that yet. Shoving yourself closer against the hard tree bark you listened closely, your pulse pounding louder in your ears as you could feel yourself tensing up while something got more and more clear to you. Those weren’t walker steps, they were way too steady and too heavy to resemble the stumbling and scuffing walk of the dead just in any way. That right there, was a human who was making their way closer towards you, a whole different threat than the dead, but still a threat. People were becoming more dangerous with everyday they were forced to survive in this world and with each and every moment they had to keep themselves alive no matter what it took. You had seen what people were becoming to be capable of and who the hell knew what this person somewhere near you was able to do to you if they would find you. Gulping you pressed yourself some more against the tree, the sudden cracking of a branch beneath your feet letting you flinch up as you pressed your lips on one another, forcing yourself to keep the shocked gasp in while you cursed yourself in your head. Tightening your grasp on your knife to be able to fight back if it came hard on hard you let out a quiet but shakily breath just before a familiar deep voice let you hold it.
“Any dead fucker there? Come on out, I’m fucking sure you wanna have a taste of this.” Within seconds your heart pounded even harder against your chest as you tried to find out if your mind was playing tricks on you or not. The tone, the deepness, the goddamn swearing and the throaty chuckle that sounded as addition to it, all oddly and shockingly familiar. But that couldn’t be him, right? That couldn’t be true. Hell, this was as good as impossible that he out of all still breathing people was walking up to you in the middle of the woods.
You heavily gulped, your heart still pounding with a force against your chest that you felt like anybody around you was able to hear its harsh sound while the rest of your body was reacting to the tension in every possible form. The heavy footsteps came closer, closer and closer with every second while your mind was trying to figure out what the hell to do, regardless of if it was him or not. A small, shaky breath left your lips once last time and then your pounding heart seemed to stop.
“No!”, you gasped out, your armed hand shooting up as your glance caught a raised baseball bat, in black leather clad arms and then, familiar hazel eyes that darted at you. Within seconds his narrow and determined glance turned softer and at the same time utterly shocked and confused as it wandered over you as if you were a mirage, daring to disappear the next moment. “Holy fuck…”, left his lips. his eyes wandering over you again and again, trying to check if you were actually real before you saw the small familiar grin growing back on his face as he gasped softly, ”Coffee house girl.”
So there he was, standing right in front of you. Still the same grin, the same glance in his eyes, the same tone in his voice. Only the leather jacket he must have picked up somewhere after the world had gone to shit was new, just like the baseball bat. His hair was just stroked back instead of slicked back as usual, revealing some small dark curls that seemed to have their own mind as they peaked slightly out.
And as the first shock was over and both of you began to realize that this was actually real, you didn’t need many words to decide that this encounter would lead to the both of you beginning to fight your way through the world together, instead of alone. So as you made your way through the forest and eventually over some lonely roads into the direction of a cabin he had found days ago, you could see that not only his outer appearance was a mix of new and old but also that what laid underneath. He still had the same humor, swore and cursed just as much as before, made the same colorful remarks, had the same throaty laugh that rumbled through his chest and the same charming and confident attitude and yet there was something new but still slightly familiar as well. There was a certain sadness lingering somewhere in his eyes when it got quiet for a moment, a sadness that was similar to the one you had seen the last times he had stepped into the café. And just knowing that he was alone out here was telling you enough to know its reason.
The night’s darkness was already filling the sky up when you found yourself leaning against the wooden wall of the cabin, a flickering bonfire in front of you and the man you had thought you would never see again sitting next to you while he scratched the last bit of the ravioli out of the metallic can in his hands. You still tried to realize that you weren’t dreaming this all, just like your mind was trying to get it all together and processed. You knew he wasn’t exactly the man you knew from the coffee house, you knew that he must have gone through certain changes as well, no matter if it was grief or the fact that you had to kill walking corpses to survive.
“Fuck, still can’t really believe it”, you heard him say as he leaned himself against the wood and let out a small chuckle while his glance wandered over to you. “Me neither”, you said, laying your empty can aside while you caught him looking at you as one of his hands ran over the salt and pepper stubble. “You’ve never told me your real name”, he finally said, his glance still darting at you as you pulled your legs closer against your chest to keep the coldness of the night from invading your body before you looked into his eyes. “(Y/N)” “Well, now that’s some fucking beautiful name”, he said, the grin still on his face as he ran his tongue slowly over the soft skin of his lower lip. “You’re still gonna stick with ‘coffee house girl’?”, you teased with a small chuckle as he already shook his head with a quiet but throaty laugh. “Nah, yours is better”, he mumbled before he let out another small but this time disbelieving chuckle,”Fucking dead have to begin walking for me to learn your damn name.” He ran his palm over his stubbly cheek, his eyes darting for a short moment at the flickering flames of the fire as the talk about his former nickname for you let your mind swing back to the cookie in your pocket. Now that you had a living part of your past sitting right next to you, you suddenly began to feel like you were able to let the object that was connected to it go. “But apropos coffee house, look what I found”, you said, having his attention right back again as your fingers found their way to the metallic zipper, before they slipped into the pocket and laced around the wrapper of the cookie. “Holy shit”, he said as you showed it to him with a small grin, his eyes widening slightly as he let out a small chuckle ,“Haven’t seen these since…” Quickly, the grin on his lips faded, the memories he seemed to connect to this simple pastry rising up for a moment before he rallied himself again.
“You still haven’t eaten that fucker?”, he eventually asked with a smirk as he nodded over to the black wrapper in your hand. “Not till now”, you said, giving him a soft smile as his brows perked interested up, “Wanna have the other half?” “Now if you ask, then hell yes”, he chuckled, his eyes lightening slightly up as you eventually broke the cookie in half and handed him one of them. As soon as he bit into the delicious pastry, his eyes closed for a short moment as he seemed to try to urge the positive memories to overwhelm the negative and pain filled ones. Your teeth sunk into the soft dough of the cookie as well, immediately tasting the bittersweet filling that spread deliciously out in your mouth and took you for a short moment back to the shifts in the coffee house. “Fuck…still as fan-fucking-tastic as before”, he mumbled, the grin on his lips and the tone in his voice showing that the positive memories had won over the pain. You could hear his throaty laugh mixing with yours as he made some more raving and almost theatrical remarks about the cookie and desperately tried to get the dark brown crumbs out of his beard stubble. In these moments you found yourself realizing that you were genuinely laughing for the first time since your mom had died, for the very first time you felt a little lighthearted again and you could tell that he was feeling the same way.
Gradually it got quiet between the both of you again, the flickering sound of the fire and the slight breaking of the wood as the flames began to eat it up sounded through the night before you saw his glance wandering to your knife that laid slightly in walker blood daubed next to you on the ground.
“You’ve killed someone already?”, he eventually asked with a small gulp, his eyes fixed on the blade before they wandered up to you and brought you back to reality. You weren’t only gonna have those casual chats anymore like before, these talks, talks about death and killing were now daily fare as well and still, his words let a small shiver run through your body as some memories washed up in you. “No”, you mumbled, a hard gulp running down your throat as you softly shook your head, “I’ve just…I’ve just taken someone down…you know, before-” Your eyes darted at your fingers that fumbled uneasily on the loose threads of your pants, trying to keep the pictures from conquering your mind as you could still feel his glance darting at you. “My mom…almost two weeks ago”, you eventually mumbled, letting out a shaky breath before you let yourself look over at him again while only saying those words felt like pure torture for every inch of your body. “Fuck…shit I’m sorry”, he said, compassion filling his eyes as you forced a small smile in response on your lips, trying to keep the grief that wanted to shoot some tears into your eyes from succeeding.
Your eyes were darting at the flames as you bit your lip while you already felt the tingling in your nose, knowing that your emotions were trying to break out while you already saw your sight becoming slightly blurry. “Shit…sorry, I didn’t want-”, he began regretful as he seemed to see what this conversation was stirring up in you. “It’s okay”, you quietly said, fighting your tears back as you allowed yourself to look at him while a heavy breath rumbled through his chest before you heard his deep voice. “Haven’t killed someone as well but-”, he began, gulping harshly as he ran his palm over his beard stubble ,”I couldn’t take someone down.” You didn’t need to guess much to know who this ‘someone’ was, the tone in his voice, the glance in his eyes and the way his body tensed told you the truth within seconds. “I’m sorry…”, you said, your eyes still laying on him as he shifted uncomfortably on the earthy ground. “Was still in the damn hospital…had some fucking kid do it for me…like some fucking weakly pantywaist”, he said, his voice thick with emotion as you could see him fighting against his grief that began to cloud his eyes. You were sure that this was the very first time talking about this all, the very first time for him being visibly vulnerable to someone after all these events and you could see that he needed to get this out just like you actually had to. “Doesn’t make you weak. Almost couldn’t have done it too…”, you said, not only to cheer him a little up but also because you had seen over all these months that he was strong. Gulping slightly your eyes wandered to your knife, before you let out a small sigh. “Couldn’t even keep the knife I’ve done it with…”, you mumbled, a shaky breath letting your ribcage slightly erupt while a small bit of you was surprised that you were actually beginning to open yourself. “That’s hers?”, he carefully asked, his fingers making a soft movement towards the knife as his eyes still laid on you. “Yeah”, you mumbled, clenching your jaw slightly as your eyes sticked to the knife ,”Last thing I got left.” “Keeping it like some goddamn treasure”, you mumbled with a small, nervous chuckle while you ran your hand over your pants as he gave you a small uplifting smile. “No fucking need to shame…I can even top that”, he said, letting out a small chuckle as you could see him becoming a bit more comfortable. “Hmm?”, you murmured while your brows perked interested up. “That damn baseball bat?”, he said as he nodded to the dark wooden bat next to him, “I named it after her.” “Wasn’t even mine from before or some shit…just got it from one of the guys I was in group with before…now that thing gets me through and I just…”, he mumbled, stopping as he gulped and tensed up once again, his glance wandering to the bat as you could only imagine what it meant to him, just knowing how carefully you kept your mom’s knife with yourself. “You had a group?”, you instead asked, trying to lead this conversation somewhere else as you could already see him nodding, the warm light of the flames enlightening his face as he stared at the fire. “Yeah…bunch of men, not for long, just enough time to show me how to shoot a fucking gun before…hell before the fucking dead got them all”, he scoffed, his jaw clenching slightly as he still looked into the flames as their movements mirrored in his eyes. “It’s always like that…”, he muttered with a scoff, his glance trailing off the flames and into the darkness of the night. “Was”, you added before his glance wandered quickly over at you. “Now I don’t hope I’ll end up as walker snack”, you said with a small, uplifting grin, trying to loose the both of you up. You could see the tension washing from his face as it got replaced by a small smirk that soon mixed with a smile that made you feel like he genuinely meant the words that slipped out of his lips. “You won’t, gonna take care of that”, he said just as he leaned himself some more against the wooden wall. “Works the other way around to”, you assured with a smile as he gave you a grinning nod and let out a throaty chuckle before let his deep voice sound once again through the night. “We’re gonna beat this world’s fucking ass”
Warm sun rays danced over your skin as the sleep slowly loosened its grasp on you. Slowly diving out of the sleep’s depths, your body began to sense first feelings and touches again, each of them helping you softly to leave the night behind yourself and to start a new day.
Hot breath that ghosted over your skin, leaving small goosebumps of comfort all over your body and made small shivers of warmth run up and down your spine.
Warm lips that met your skin repeatedly, leaving a warm trail over the side of your neck as their soft and caressing touches brought their warmth into your body.
Rough beard stubble that combined with the softness of the lips, setting a contrast that grew into an intoxicating sensation, before they purposely but still softly chafed over you skin, teasingly and purposely using their ability to tickle you gently
Soft sheets that hugged your body smoothly, tucking you in between their comforting fabric and cuddly pillows as they build a home for anything they were swathing
Strong arms that wrapped tighter around you, enclosing you completely as they pulled you closer against a warm chest, soft and short curls of chest hair softly tickling your skin as long legs entangled with yours, one hooking around yours to keep you even closer
Familiar scent that was enshrouding you softly, creating a comfort that streamed through every fibre of your body until it had completely filled you up.
Deep growls and hums that rumbled through the warm chest and vibrated against your back, the deepness and the familiar tone arising from a voice as smooth as velvet but raspy and rough as barbed wire at the same time.
With each passing second you let the sleep more and more behind yourself until your eyes eventually fluttered slowly open. A small dozy hum left your mouth as you felt the lips that were pressing another kiss on your skin forming into something that swung between a smile and a wide grin. Just as you cuddled closer into the warmth you were longing so much for you heard a throaty but drowsy chuckle filling the air before you turned to its source. Your glance met familiar hazel eyes that were filled up with deep affection, growing yearning and jollying excitement all at once.
With lips that were curling more up with each moment and dark strands of hair that hung tousled instead of slicked back into his face, he leaned down until his forehead leaned against yours and his hot breath met your skin once again before his deep voice spoke up as he pulled you closer against his warm chest: “Good Mornin’, Baby”
There are those nights where you wake up to the sound of Negan’s calls and sobs in his sleep, other times its the way he shakes and quietly whimpers as he’s holding you tightly in his sleep or its the way his body flips up, ripped out of sleep while shivers let his body erupt.
In those nights the big bad wolf is nothing more than a person who’s being tortured by their nightmares that combine regrets, painful memories and fears of loss into a horrible and aching mix.
And in those nights, the very only thing that can calm him down and get him out of the painful trance the nightmare has trapped him in is you, your touch and your voice.
Right then all what gives him relieve is the way your arms wrap around him, the way he can bury his tearstained face into the curve of your neck and the way your quiet but soothing voice tells him that everything’s fine.
It’s those moments where he lays trembling in your embrace, small sobs still rumbling through his body and his unsteady breath hitting your skin when you realize again how much he trusts you, how much he needs you and how much you both need each other
When your fingertips brush through his hair, massage his scalp and caress his neck soothingly, that’s when you feel him calming slowly down, the trembling of his body decreasing while you hear his deep but unsteady and muffled voice mumbling those three little words repeatedly, making sure that you know how important you are to him and making sure that those regrets that have followed him in his nightmare won’t ever repeat themselves again.
And when he hears you saying them back, his body relaxes some more as he holds you tightly, as if he wants to assure that no one takes you away from him before you slowly feel his breath becoming slow and steady.
Even if he has fallen asleep, you still continue to let your fingers run through his hair, place small kisses on his skin and stroke over his back and shoulders just to ensure that the nightmare doesn’t come back and instead, peaceful sleep encloses him.
And you do all that because you love him, just like he loves you.
• Him hating to see you in pain, especially when the cramps let you squirm and flinch only for him to curse the hell out of them as he tries to find a way to let you feel better
• Him letting his large, warm hand rest on your lower stomach or stroke softly over your skin, in hope that his touch and the warmth of his hand soothes the pain of your cramps at least a little bit
• Him playfully suggesting here and there that he really wouldn’t mind helping you out on a little different way which is gonna let this nasty problem vanish for about nine months
• Him getting you all the comfort necessities you need, no matter if it’s a hot water bag, tablets or other medicine against the pain, a cozy blanket or just a good bunch of chocolate
• Him being there when you simply need to be cuddled and just need to feel his warm arms wrapping around you as well as having him cradling you against his chest to let his warmth, his scent and simply his presence give you some comfort
• Him trying his best to handle your mood swings, no matter if you’re tearing up because you simply dropped a piece of the chocolate or if you turn annoyed because you don’t even know yourself why you have suddenly become so easily irritable
• Him cooking you some comfort food, all while trying to make you laugh and telling you that a bowl of his very own homemade spaghetti can really do some wonders
Just a short and happy little piece to say goodbye to this badass kid.
“I found something!”, you suddenly heard Carl call out from one of the other rooms across the hallway of the abandoned house. “What?”, you called back, a big smile already plastered over face as you closed the drawer of the small wardrobe you had searched through and waited curiously for his voice to call back. “You’re gonna have to come over to find out”, you heard him laugh, just as you already made your way out of the room and began to let your glance search for him, wandering through a bunch of empty rooms until you found him. Standing in the middle of the room, he held widely smiling a big can of chocolate pudding up, his hand clawed around the metal as if the can in his hands was a treasure chest, the other holding a few plastic spoons. “Oh my…”, you mumbled, the imaginary taste of the chocolate already filling your mouth as your glance wandered repeatedly from his smiling face to the can, checking if you weren’t dreaming. “Come on”, he said, making a quick head gesture to the big window behind him as you gave him a questioning look. “Do you wanna eat it or not?”, he chuckled just as your face lightened up even more as you finally walked over to him and the window, let your fingers dig in between the wood to shove it as far up as you could. “I guess that’s a yes”, he chuckled as you let out a small laugh, beginning to climb out on the roof just before you turned around to stretch your hand out to the can. “I’ll take it, you’ll have an easier time getting on here”, you said just as a small whimsically smirk mixed into Carl’s smile. “No way, I know you”, he grinned, pressing the plastic spoons instead into your hand’s palm just as you raised the other in a playfully offended manner.
Just moments later you found yourself sitting on the edge of the roof, the last sunrays of the colorful sunset filling the air as you heard Carl successfully opening the can. “Finally”, he mumbled, removing the metal with his knife as you already saw the thick, delicious looking chocolate pudding beneath it. Feeling your mouth watering you quickly grabbed the spoons and handed one over to Carl before you dug it deeply into the pudding, taking a big full spoon of it before you quickly shoved it into your mouth. Humming contently, you closed your eyes for a moment, tasting the mix of sweetness and the pleasant slight taste of tartness just before you let your eyes flutter back open and looked right into Carl’s with happiness filled eyes. “You know what, Carl? You’re the best”, you mumbled smiling, letting your thumb stroke over the corners of your lips to wipe them clean. “Yeah, the best finder”, he chuckled as he shoved another spoon full of chocolate pudding into his mouth as you shook you head with a small chuckle. “And the very best in eating chocolate pudding up”, you chuckled just as Carl looked with a grin up, his lips stained with chocolate. “Well, you gotta be faster”, he chuckled, digging once again into the pudding. “By the way…I also meant the best in general”, you mumbled as you smiled at him just as you saw him blushing slightly beneath the shadow his sheriff head casted onto his skin. “You’re that too…for me”, he said with a smile as he looked up from the can, your eyes locking for a short moment before the grin got back onto his lips. “Wouldn’t want to share my chocolate pudding with anybody else”, he said with a small smirk, just before it widened as he saw that his teasing worked successfully on you. “Your chocolate pudding?”, you asked with a laugh as you shoved his shoulder slightly, before you dug your spoon back into the pudding, deliberately taking a ridiculous big spoon full of it. “Alright, our chocolate pudding.”
The sun was already beginning to vanish behind the skyline of the tries as the both of you laid on your backs on the roof, your bellies filled up with the delicious pudding while you both knew that sometimes you just need the right person by your side to be happy…and maybe some chocolate pudding too.
(I’ll put a warning on this, simply because serious illnesses are some pretty sensitive content and I don’t wanna offend or unsettle anyone)
“Come here, Baby”, you heard Negan’s husky voice rumble as he stretched his arms slightly out, just enough for you to let your body fall into his embrace. A content growl left his lips as soon as you cuddled against his warm chest, your eyes closing within the moment you felt his warmth and scent enclosing you. Carefully, he began to tuck you in along with him beneath the dark blanket as his warm lips pressed a soft kiss on your forehead, letting a comfortable warmth settle in your body. “You know what? I could stay like this for fucking ever. I’d just need someone to hand me some whisky and sandwiches here and there and I’d be just fine”, he quietly chuckled as your lips formed into a smile against the fabric of his white shirt. “Oh and my dick buried inside your pussy or down your throat from time to time would be some fine shit too”, he added with another chuckle as you slightly shoved his chest with a small laugh. “What? You can’t tell me that wouldn’t be awesome”, he mumbled with a big grin that was clearly audible through his words. You opened your eyes again, grinning slightly as your glance met his warm hazel eyes just before you leaned in to kiss him slowly, your fingers entangling with the dark curls on the nape of his neck. “Yeah, that would be great”, you mumbled quietly against his skin, his scruff slightly tickling you as his lips curled into a smile against yours just before you heard his deep voice rising again. ”Now I feel cheesy as fuck for saying that but maybe, maybe these happy fucking endings are still possible.”
Not for the both of you.
You could still hear Carson’s words ringing through your head over and over again, telling you that this knob you had discovered by pure chance was worse than just a swelling. Way worse.
Tears began to burn in your eyes as you shifted on the leather couch, pulling your legs closely against your chest as the lump in your throat grew thicker. You had never kept secrets from each other and you couldn’t keep this secret you had been carrying with you for a small while now hidden forever. He was noticing your changed behavior, the rare becoming kisses and touches of yours, the way you tried to avoid him and your slowly running out excuses whenever he asked you if something was wrong Nothing of this was fair. Nothing. You felt terrible for lying to him, for treating him that way but anytime you felt him coming close, anytime you felt him kissing you, anytime you felt him letting his hands run over your body or saw him looking with an affection filled glance at you it got clear to you how much you’d have to hurt him. You were aware of that you would fight as long as you could, but you were also aware of that your chances to survive such thing in an apocalypse were vanishingly low and you couldn’t put him through this again. You couldn’t put him through the torture of slowly losing a loved one again. You had seen him in nights with horrible nightmares, the nights where he had heavily panting and with widened eyes ripped you out of your sleep to make sure that you were okay and no one had taken you from him like the cancer had taken Lucille. In these nights, where tears ran over his rough cheeks, this big, strong man laid trembling in your arms, holding you as tightly as he could while his face was buried into the curve of your neck, his salty tears and his unsteady breath hitting your skin as your fingers ran through his dark hair, softly massaging his scalp and caressing the back of his neck until he fell asleep again. But what now? What would happen to him if the same thing would repeat itself and you were gone as well?
With a tight breath you stared at the coffee table just as the sound of the opening door let you flinch up. Negan’s eyes immediately roamed over you, a certain tension lingering in his body as he walked closer, leaning Lucille against the couch before he leaned in to kiss you, almost testing, as if he wanted to check if you were letting him. Slowly, you began to feel his hot breath on your skin as his his lips came closer, just until the moment the pain in your body was taking control again and letting your face shift slightly away. An uneasy breath left Negan’s lips as he backed off, his eyes staring down at you as his glance seemed to gore through your body. “Could you tell me what the fuck is going on?”, he asked with an uneasy undertone as you slowly looked up at him, seeing how his jaw clenched tightly as a rush of panic shot through your veins. “(Y/N)? Would you fucking tell me now what the hell is wrong?”, he asked again through gritted teeth while a desperate sound swung within his voice as you didn’t answer while your mind formed into a mass of pure terror and the fear about what was to come. “We haven’t fucked in god knows how fucking long, you don’t even let me fucking touch nor kiss you for fuck’s sake-”, he continued before he gulping stopped, his glance darkening even more as he pinched the bridge of his nose, a dangerous rumble wandering through his chest before he glared at you again. “Is it someone else? Some goddamn fucker I know?”, he growled angrily, his eyes dangerously narrowed while yours widened as you stared shocked at him. “What?! No, I-”, you stumbled, as you felt how your body began to tremble more with every passing second. “Then tell me”, he loudly snapped, his jaw clenching again as you desperately searched for words, your breath quickening as his glance stayed stuck on you. “Fine”, he hissed, grabbing Lucille as he began to angrily stump towards the door, just as you jumped up from the couch. “Wait, I…”, you began, seeing him stopping and turning around as the lump in your throat grew thicker, the tears were back in your eyes as you stared into his. “Negan,…I’m sick”, you began gulping, before you raised your unsteady voice again. “I-I might have cancer…”, you said trembling, tears beginning to roll down your cheeks as his face went chalk-white within a second as Lucille fell out of his hands and met the ground with a loud thud. “What?”, he almost inaudibly asked, his now bleary eyes still staring into yours as the shock and panic in him began to take over. “I went to Carson because I found a knob and he…”, you began again, whimpers beginning to leave your lips as Negan’s chest went trembling up and down. “You’ll be fine”, he mumbled, directly switching into the denial as he looked shivering at you. “Negan, I-”, you began just before he cut you quickly of, painfully knowing what you were about to say. “You’ll be fine”, he urged louder, still trembling as he walked closer. “I-I’ll get anything you need, any fucking thing Carson needs to treat that shit or-”, he said, stopping as the lump in his throat grew too big while the tension in his body visibly grew. Gulping you looked at him, fearing that his possibly false hopes would hurt him even more as you raised your voice. “That’s not possi-” “It is!”, he called loudly out, his glance stern for a moment, not allowing any doubt to conquer him before his eyes got soft again. “I won’t let you d-”, he began more quiet, the tremble back in his voice as he ran a just as strongly trembling hand over his face. “I won’t let anything happen to you”, he mumbled, gulping as he tried to keep the tears in his eyes from falling down his cheeks.
Slowly his hand reached up to cup the back of your neck, pulling you closer until he could lean his forehead carefully against yours as he closed his eyes while more trembling breaths left his lips. Feeling how more small tears escaped your eyes your glance wandered over his sorrowful face just as your weak voice rose again. “I didn’t tell you because…I just-…you don’t deserve to go through that again…”, you whimpered right before he backed slowly away, his eyes looking almost in pain filled disbelief at you. “Baby, this isn’t about me and it fucking shouldn’t, not in any goddamn way”, he said gulping, his chest rising unsteadily before he sighed deeply, his brows puckering in a sad manner as a first tear rolled over his cheek. “I-I don’t want you to be strong for me now, fuck...I’m gonna be fucking strong for you and you’ll take all of your goddamn strength into beating the shit out of this crap”, he said, his voice still shivering slightly as he stared at you before pulling you closer, his still trembling fingers lacing around your jaw as he lifted it to make you look straight into his clouded eyes. “Please,…promise me”, he asked, gulping uneasily while his eyes filled up with more tears as you nodded slowly, trying to let the small ounce of hope you had left flare up. Slowly, he pulled you deeply into his embrace, his hand running through your hair as he let your face bury into the crook of his neck. “I love you. I-I love you so fucking much”, he mumbled as you felt a few of his tears wetting your skin while he pulled you that close against his trembling body as if his tight hold could stop the illness from taking you away. “I love you too”, you mumbled back, feeling how new tears began to roll over your cheeks as you hugged him tightly back, as you knew that you would fight this fight for him. Even if this fight might already be a lost fight.
”Nothing, again”, Carl mumbled with a scoff as he tossed the empty backpack of the walker he had just killed next to the stump of a moss strewed tree. You were already out here for a few days and still, you had found nothing usable. With a grumble, you saw him standing up, adjusting the belts of his own backpack that was filled with fewer supplies then days ago when you had left Alexandria. The cold and harsh wind hit your skin and let the leaves of the trees rustle above you as you saw how Carl began to stump away. With a growl you stood up, following Carl while shook your head slightly. As a team, you had always somehow worked fine, really fine to be honest but anyway, there had always been something between you, some kind of tension you couldn’t even really describe.
The hard forest ground scrunched beneath your shoes as you saw the clouds growing thicker and darker above your head, underlining the mood the both of you had along with the wind that let shudders run down your back over and over again. ”Carl, could you slow a bit down for fuck’s sake?”, you asked loudly, trying to overtone the loud rustle of the trees while Carl, much to your annoyance, didn’t show any reaction that came close to stopping or at least walking a little less fast. ”Goddamnit, Car-”, you cursed before you felt cold hands grabbing for you, adrenaline shooting within a second through your body as you turned around while your glance caught the tall walker and it’s widely wrenched mouth. Your hand shot within a second to the knife in your waistband, but before you could grab it your body hit the ground with a loud thud. Groaning in pain your eyes widened as you felt the rotting body falling onto yours, burying you completely beneath it as the dead groans echoed through your head as they got louder and louder before they suddenly stopped.
Feeling how drops of cold, dark red blood landed on your neck you looked up right as your eyes caught the knife that slid out of the walker’s skull. Carl’s knife. ”(Y/N)? (Y/N), are you okay?”, you heard him ask in a panicking tone as you shoved the walker with his help from your body. ”Yeah, yeah I’m fine”, you mumbled as you slowly sat up again, the shock still stuck in your bones. You gulped down before you looked up at him again and met his surprisingly panic-filled glance that was still darted concerned at you until he realized that you’ve been looking at him. Shaking his head slightly he gulped down, refusing to look directly into your eyes again before he quickly got up and looked just for a short moment down to you. ”We should keep walking”, he mumbled as you gave him a short nod, as you already felt how a few raindrops fell on your skin.
You got back on your feet as quickly as your hurting muscles and bones from your fall to the ground let you, already hearing how Carl made his way through the thicket as his glance and the tone in his voice from before was still stuck in your mind. You were a team outside here and sure, you helped each other when one of you was in trouble, but this wasn’t the first time he was acting that way when some threat was near you and the number of times he reacted that way was amassing over the last time. Still, it took just seconds after the threat was gone for him to go back to the gruff and sometimes even a bit cold way he was to you most of the time. You huffed, trying to wrap your head around it while the wind got stronger, the number of raindrops that hit your skin and the fabric of your jacket increased and the clouds tinted into a darker shade with every second that passed. Your glance wandered around, trying to search for shelter until you finally caught a small cabin between the trees not too far away from you. “Carl, there’s a cabin. We gotta get in here before that storm gets worse”, you said with a huff as Carl kept walking. “Carl”, you said loudly again trying to get his attention. “We can’t go back with nothing”, he said without turning around to you as you let out a sigh. “We maybe won’t even get back if we don’t get in there now”, you said with a tensed tone in your voice, the trees beginning to rustle even louder while the grumbling of an approaching thunder sounded through the cold air. Your glance wandered up to the dark clouds before you looked back and saw Carl slowly turning back around to you. He sighed, looked pondering at the crowns of the trees that swung threatening with every time the wind hit their limbs. “Alright”, he muttered reluctantly before he finally followed you through the trees until you stood in front of the small cabin’s door. Hitting with your fist against the wood you let out a small sigh before you leaned against it, trying to find out if a walker was just waiting for the both of you in its inside. “Nothing”, you mumbled as you leaned back again and looked at Carl who just gave you a small nod.
Within a moment you had grabbed the rusty handle of the door and had opened it, letting you both look into its inside that was just enlightened because of the windows that were still surprisingly intact. Your eyes got slowly used to the light as they caught a small table standing in one corner of the room, two chairs surrounding it on the other side a bed. One bed. You gulped down as you slowly walked inside, heard the sound of Carl’s backpack dropping to the floor while the door closed with a thud. “Uhm…there’s only one bed…”, you mumbled as you walked closer and dropped your own backpack before you turned around to Carl. “I can sleep on the floor”, he said with a huff before you shook your head, regardless of how weird whatever what was going on between you was, he didn’t need to spend another night on the floor when there was a bed with room for two available. “You don’t have to…we can sleep in here together for all I care”, you said as you sat down on the bed that bent slightly beneath your weight, the damp sheets beneath you brushing against the palms of your hands. “Hmm alright”, he muttered as he grabbed his backpack and moved to the other side.
The wind let the windows rattle as raindrops ran down its glass while the thunder growls got louder and louder as you laid just a bit later beneath the blanket. You grumbled slightly as you tried to get comfortable in the old even slightly squeaking bed while your thoughts drifted back to what had happened before you had found this cabin. From the corner of your eyes, you could see Carl shoving the sheets a bit more over his body to keep himself warm. “Thank you, for this thing with the walker”, you mumbled just loud enough to overtone the sound of the howling wind. “No problem…good night”, he mumbled without looking over to you. “Good night”, you mumbled back before it got quiet between the both of you again, the only thing hearable was the thunderstorm that was raging outside. A small cold shudder ran down your back as you closed your eyes and the growing tiredness that was stuck in your bones let you blend out the storm and made the sleep slowly settle down in your body.
The rumbling of the thunder had already let you wake up a few times in this cold night, but this time it wasn’t the storm that let your eyes flutter open. This time, your slowly opening eyes caught Carl’s hands as they wrapped the blanket tighter around your body. You grumbled confused as you shifted, Carl’s hands retracting as soon as he saw you moving beneath the sheets before your tired eyes caught his glance. “You were freezing and I..I just…”, he mumbled a bit helpless, trying to refuse to look at you while you slowly sat up. “It’s okay…I was just a little surprised”, you said as a small yawn escaped your lips as he turned for a short moment with a questioning glance at you. “I mean…It’s just because you being that kind to me isn’t that usual”, you mumbled as you leaned against the headboard. “Hmm”, he just grumbled as he looked outside, where the storm still raged and moments passed until he finally raised his voice again. “It’s just…I want to take care of you”, he mumbled that reluctant and that quiet that if the wind had been just a little bit louder, you would’ve bet you had imagined it. He shrugged his shoulders, seeming to be unsure how to explain it to you, or rather himself as well, as you slowly scooted next to him and looked outside. “Sorry, for being an idiot to you…I don’t know why…I just-”, he mumbled as the branches of a tree hit the window and you slowly looked over at him. “Well,…I wasn’t less of an idiot to you either”, you mumbled as you let out a small sigh. “Seems like we needed a thunderstorm to admit that, huh?”, he asked with a small chuckle as he looked over to you and made you chuckle slightly as well before you saw how a walker began to stumble closer to the window, its rotting hands beginning to punch against the glass. “I’ll get it”, you mumbled as you shoved the blanket off of your body, grabbed your knife and as you already walked over to the door you heard him. “I can get it too”, you heard Carl’s voice say as you turned around and saw how he had already scooted to the edge of the bed before a small smile grew on your lips “No, You took care of me so now, I’m gonna do that for you”
Negan and the Reader have a pillow fight that quickly ends up on the bedroom floor…
“Negan, No!”, you said loudly as you raised one hand to stop the pillow that flew into your direction from hitting you. You should have known what you’ve gotten yourself into when you had thrown a pillow at Negan as revenge for his non-stop teasing.
So there you stood in your shared room, the living evidence for the saying “In every man there is a child”, standing just meters away from you on the other side of the room while you had one pillow in your hand, two others laying in front of your feet. “I’m waiiiting”, he sang as he looked with a provocative grin at you before you threw the pillow across the room, to your annoyance, without hitting Negan.* “There goes the pillow, losing its goddamn target by light years”, Negan commented in tone as if he was reporting in a very Negan way from a sporting event. You let out a small scoff, playfully glared at Negan who just stood there, chuckling and grinning widely. “Come on baby, that wasn’t even close”, he chuckled as he grabbed the pillow from the ground and looked at you, moved his brows slightly in a teasing way up, before another pillow landed right in his face. “But this one was”, you teased with a triumphal grin on your lips, as you heard Negan curse under his breath. ”Just you fucking wait, Sweetheart”, he said with a wide grin as he let his arm wind up and the pillow hit you within the next moment. “Shit”, you mumbled as you crouched down and reached out to grab the pillow before another one hit you with that much force that you stumbled back and landed on the ground. “Fuck, baby, are you alright?”, Negan asked concerned as he already walked over to you and you looked with a grin up to him. “Yeah, I am, don’t worry, but you’re so gonna get that back”, you laughed as you took his hand and got back up, one pillow still in your hand and ready to use. “You really don’t wanna do that”, Negan said with a grin, his tongue sliding quickly over his lower lip as he nodded to the pillow in your hand. “Oh, I think I do”, you said grinning before you wound up and let the pillow hit him before you felt how he suddenly grabbed you. With one movement and before you could do anything against it, you ended up on the floor, Negan on top of you while a big smirk was planted all over his face.
“You’re gonna surrender, baby?”, he purred smirking as he hovered above you. “Never”, you said grinning while your tries to free yourself stayed pretty unsuccessful. Negan’s loud and throaty chuckle sounded through the room before he pushed the other pillows around the both of you away and grinned widely at you. With a quick move, he grabbed your wrists and brought them up above your head, pinning you completely down beneath him before he growled in a low and lingering tone. “Fuck, now that’s a pretty sight”, he purred as he bowed grinning down to you, stopped shortly before your lips touched and you could feel his hot breath on your skin. With a grin he leaned down to press his lips on the sensitive skin of your neck, letting a pleasant shudder run through your body while a deep rumble traveled up from his chest and escaped his lips. For a moment your eyes fluttered and eventually closed as you felt how his lips brushed along your skin, up to your jaw. You gasped as could feel him grinding against your core, letting you know that he could take you right there on the floor if you would just tell him what he wanted to hear. But that really wasn’t your plan, at least for now.
His lips kept traveling over your skin until you felt how he pressed a kiss on the corner of your lips before he let go of you and made a small whine leave your lips as you felt the loss of his touch right before he looked back up to you. “What about now?”, he asked huskily as his eyes stared with a wolfish glance into yours while you felt how your breath quickened. “No”, you said back, seeing how his glance just intensified and knowing exactly what you were unleashing in him. “Well shit, I feel like someone really needs a punishment…“