Category: thewalkingdead-imagines

TWD ~ Negan Imagine – “Peaks and Troughs”

As Negan’s injured and weakened body is rising his frustration to the maximum, the Reader finds another way to let him feel like the man he is again

Warning: smut

the last part / all other previous parts (None of the previous parts have to be read to understand the plot!)


“You’re gonna shower with me?”, Negan asked as soon as you glanced up as you saw into his widely grinning face and the roguish eyes that darted at you.
After the problems with his wounds and the strong meds Siddiq had to put him through he was finally on the right path again, had instead of the thick bandage around his throat only a bandaid on to protect the cut, while his hand’s wound was as well only covered with a small bandaid as most of it was properly healed.
You knew it would take a while for his neck to fully recover, the bandaid to vanish as well, but this little sign was already a step into the right direction.
“If there’s next to you and that chair in the shower enough space, maybe”, you teased, nodding over to the wooden stool in the corner of the room Negan still needed to do something with his weakened body somewhere outside the patient’s bed.
Even though the wounds had become better, he was still bated, every step was a small fight and walking completely without being propped by anybody was still something Siddiq didn’t want him to risk.
“i’m damn sure we can make some room for ya”, he grinned, his tongue slid teasingly over his lower lip before you heard footsteps coming closer to the room.

“Hey, just wanted to let you know that you have to use the bathroom upstairs, the one with the bathtub…the shower downstairs has some problems with the pipes again”, Siddiq said with a huff as he leaned against the doorframe and glanced at the both of you, “And I don’t think they’ll have it fixed before tomorrow.”
“Alright”, you mumbled, already trying to plan out in your head how the hell you could get Negan up the stairs.
You could prop him while you were walking but even that got after a while with a man who was as tall as Negan tricky.
“You need help? With the stairs?”, you heard Siddiq ask as a bit relief washed into you before the corner of your eyes already caught Negan’s glance.
“Nah I’ll get up there”, he grumbled, while you realized that you should have known better.
Negan was stubborn as hell and since the whole weakness of his otherwise strong body was scratching on his ego and nerves, you should have already known that he was at least gonna try to get up there himself.
“Okay, I’m still here for a while so in case you change your mind or there’s a problem, just call”, Siddiq said, giving both of you a small smile before he walked back into the hallway and left you alone with a challenge that already seemed predestined to go wrong.

“You’re sure with this?”, you asked as you a little later found the both of you at the beginning of the stairs, your arm still slung around Negan’s back, trying to prop him as best as you could while the simple glance up at the stairs made you feel like you were standing at the foot of an unconquerable mountain.
And with a quick and determined “Yeah” of his you were already on your way up the stairs.

Six steps, a bunch of strained breaths and several curses on both of your sides later you knew that Negan wasn’t gonna make it up these stairs only with you by his side.
You could already feel him trembling, the only things that were keeping his body up were his determination, stubbornness and frustration and you knew that there wasn’t much time left until they would be defeated by the weakness of his still injured body.
No matter how much he was trying to deny and fight it.
Watching his movements warily you tightened the grip you had on his shirt, trying to give yourself the feeling that you could actually help him but instead you felt yourself growing more restless and nervous.
Another tight breath left Negan’s lips as he raised one of his slightly shaking legs onto the next step, his brows puckered in exertion and his eyes staring down at the wooden stairs before you could feel him shifting beneath his touch as he tried to heft himself up.
But instead of landing safely on the next step, his leg began to give in, letting him sink slightly in as a quick gasp left your lips.
“Fucking, cuntshit”, Negan cursed through gritted teeth, breathing heavily as he was trying to get himself steady again.
“I’ll call Siddiq”, you quickly said, already seeing in front of your inner eye how Negan laid even worse injured on the stiars.
“No, I can do this shit alone”, he grumbled sternly back, his voice strained and filled with growing frustration
“Negan, now’s not the damn time to play strong”, you tried to say as calm as you could even though you couldn’t keep some of your of restlessness of mixing into your voice.
“I am fucking strong, I-”
“I know…but your body isn’t working all the way you want it already”, you began, trying to get through to him as you saw him still staring sternly to the ground ,”And we don’t have to make this here even harder.”
Negan let out another scoff, letting you wonder if he was going to listen to you or if he was gonna let his stubbornness and frustration win.
And just a second later you had to witness that it was the latter as he tried once again to heave his own weight up the stairs just before you could see his knee buckling and sending him within a millisecond towards the stairs.
“Negan”, you called out, panic mixing into your voice as you tried to slip one of his arms back around your shoulders while his other was the only thing that kept him from crashing completely against the stairs.
“For fuck’s sake”, you cursed, feeling how the frustration began to grow in you as well while you knew that you couldn’t keep on doing this alone with him, if you wanted to get him somehow safely and without more wounds to the next floor.
”Siddiq?”, you called out as loud as you could, already hearing how Negan let out a few curses under his breath but right now, you couldn’t have regards for his pride.
“Yeah?”, Sides voice sounded from one of the rooms though to you as a small burden already began to fall from your shoulders, even though Negan’s weight was beginning to press harder in on you.
“Could you help us with the stairs?”, you called just as loud out again, a tight breath leaving your lips as you felt Negan growing once again restless before the sound of Siddiq’s ‘Sure’ washed a bunch of relief into your body.

”There we go”, you heard Siddiq say a bit later with a small, strained breath as he lowered Negan along with you onto the closed toilet seat.
He was still staring to the ground, his brows puckered and his jaw clenching tightly as you let out a small sigh and looked up at Siddiq, away from the grown man who was pouting like a toddler who had just got his toy taken away.
”Alright, I’m just across the hallway, grabbing some meds but after that, I’m back at the walls, just so you know”, he said, giving you a quick nod before he already strolled back to the door.
”Okay, thank you”, you said, giving him a small, grateful smile as you leaned yourself against the sink and glimpsed for a short moment to Negan who just stubbornly pressed a small and quiet ‘thanks’ out, that made it seem like it took everything in him to form that small word.
Almost as if it was a confirmation of his defeat.
”Anytime”, Siddiq said before he slipped out of the room, leaving you alone with  a sullen Negan.

Sighing you pushed yourself away from the porcelain sink and crouched down to the small wooden walnut cabinet beneath it to go search for everything you needed to finally move along before you caught Negan growing once again restless as he shifted on the seat after a few more moments.
Before you even realized it he caught your gaze for the first time since you had been at the stairs, his glance still stern and his jaw still tightly clenched while another deep sigh left your lips.
You knew how frustrating that all had to be, but right now, you were stumped.
”How long do you wanna keep on being in a snit?”,you asked with a sigh, your voice softer than the words made it seem and still hopeful that this headstrong man would loose up again.
“I needed to do this”, he growled sternly back, scoffing as his glance wandered off of you and let the frustration grow in you as well.
“And catapult you right back into that sick-bed?”, it slipped almost snapping and sarcastically out of your lips, even though you damned yourself in the very moment they echoed through the bathroom, knowing that this wouldn’t get you anywhere with him in that kinda mood.
“No”, he growled, shooting a glare at you before he let out a scoff through tight teeth ,”So I won’t fucking feel like a goddamn weak wuss anymore.”
“You’re no weak wuss”, you said quickly back, trying to calm him down even though the glare and the simple tone in his voice began to scratch heavily on your nerves,that were from the fear about him on the stairs already a bit strained.
“Oh really?”, he snapped loudly, suddenly looking back up to you as you could see the anger and frustration flaring up in his darkened eyes ,”Then why the fuck didn’t you just let me get up these damn fucking stairs?”
“Yeah, because you don’t think I’m fucking strong enough to make it”, he growled loudly, cutting you directly off as soon as your voice had trailed slightly off.
Bewildered and even more stumped than before you just stared at him, shaking your head, trying to keep yourself calm as you were telling yourself that you were the one of the both of you who should keep a clear head, even though you began to have a hard time doing so.
His glance trailed off of you just as you let a deep scoff out and let the doors of the cabinets fall shut with a loud thud.
”I’ll get some towels from downstairs”, you growled, huffing as you got yourself back on your feet and rushed towards the door.

You body was tensing when you got down the stairs, your footsteps echoing trough the air until you came to a stop in the next room.
Just as your hands began to slid over the metallic shelves, searching for some towels, your glance snapped up as a loud thud from upstairs let your blood freeze within seconds.
“Fuck! Motherfucking shitfuck!”, Negan’s booming and angered voice sounded all the way down to you as a tight breath left your lips and your mind began to figure out that he must have started another try to do something himself and had taken himself right to the ground again.
“Fuck”, it called out again, his voice now filled with desperation along the anger,“I can’t even fucking get my ass inside this shit thing…I can’t fucking keep any-fucking-one fucking safe anymore I-”
His voice trailed off and just as you heard him letting out a few more curses out you heard the sound of Siddiq’s footsteps coming down the stairs.

Your eyes were stuck to the door, a part of you asking yourself if you should go look after Negan to keep him from harming himself even more while another in you just told you not to, doubting that he would even let you help him and telling you that he just had to be alone right now.
A shivering and tight breath fell from your lips as the door swung softly open, revealing Siddiq who was carrying a small box with bandages and whose glance darted at you the moment he stepped into the room.
“Stay”, he said as soon as he saw the vacillation in your eyes ,”He’s just sitting on the bathroom floor, won’t change till he’s calmed down.”
Quietly you gave him a small nod, a heavy gulp traveled down your throat as you couldn’t shut your concern completely out yet.
“He’s not gonna get himself hurt”, Siddiq added as he placed the small box on one of the wooden counters, his voice firm but still soothing while he gave you a small uplifting smile.
You just gave him another nod as you forced a small smile on your lips as well and moved along the shelves, trying to distract yourself by finally finding the towels while Siddiq began to rummage in some drawers.
“Already guessed this was gonna happen earlier or later”, you heard Siddiq say as you turned around to him and saw him stopping as he looked up at you, “This break out”.
“Don’t go too hard on him…that wasn’t personal, you know that, right?”, he quickly added, closing the drawer in front of him before he leaned himself against the counter.
“Yeah”, you just quietly said, knowing that he was right even though the tension in your body didn’t want to vanish completely yet.
“Happens to most people when their body’s longer weak and injured than they want”, Siddiq began again, beginning to sort the bandages of the box in to the drawer.
“To some less, to others more, especially when they’ve been the opposite before”, he added, stopping for a moment as he looked up at you ,”And from what I could tell, he’s the latter.”
You let out another small breath, slowly beginning to loose yourself up as you finally grabbed some white towels and glanced for a small moment towards the door.
“I should wait a while, huh?”, you asked, looking back over to Siddiq as you already saw him slowly beginning to nod.
“Yeah, just till he’s got a cool head again.”

As everything upstairs seemed to be completely calm again and a small while had passed you had used to calm down as well, you found yourself walking up the stairs again, the towels in your hand while you hoped that he was himself again by now.
With a small, tight breath you made your way closer to the bathroom, your glance fixed at the door that was just off the latch before you let the tip of your foot push it open.
Within the moment the door swung slightly open you caught Negan’s attention.
He was sitting on the floor like Siddiq had said, just in his black boxers that were along with his clothes over the sink the evidence that he had at least been able to get out of them before his weak legs had forced him to the ground.
His hair was slightly tousled, as if he had run his fingers in his anger and desperation through it, his breath was differently to before calm and let his chest rise and fall in a slow manner as his glance was darting at you, filled with suspense, guilt and even some insecurity.
“You’ve calmed down?”, you asked as you leaned against the doorframe, trying to find a beginning with him as you saw him beginning to slowly nod while a harsh gulp traveled down his throat.
“I’m sorry”, he said genuinely, looking back up at you as his eyes hushed over your face, trying to find out what you were thinking.
Slowly nodding you pushed yourself away from the wooden doorframe, placed the towels on the closed toilet seat and climbed over Negan’s legs all while his slightly confused glance followed you.
“What’s that gonna be?”, he asked, his voice softer than the words made it seem as you let yourself fall next to him.
“Don’t know yet”, you mumbled, feeling how his warm body was leaning against your side while all you actually knew was that you wanted to settle this.

It got quiet for a few small moments while you could feel Negan growing more restless next to you until he rose his voice.
“This shit’s eating my nerves up…and you just wanna help and I-”, he began, guilt and frustration filling his voice before it broke with a deep sigh off.
“Siddiq just said that this stuff’s normal in situations like that…”, you mumbled, looking over at Negan as his eyes were darting to the ground ,”And he’s right”
“Still shouldn’t have turned the asshole mode on”, Negan grumbled, as a scoff fell from his lips while his hand ran for a short moment over his salt and pepper stubble.
“Yes… and I shouldn’t have snapped back…and should’ve turned my over caution a little down”, you mumbled, forcing a small smile on your lips you were beginning to get through to him.
“You’re frustrated and I’m afraid, not the best stuff to work with…not to mention that we two are stubborn as hell”, you added, finally hearing a tiny chuckle leaving Negan’s lips as soon as he heard the last words leaving your mouth.
The small smile on your lips began to grow at your first success before you saw Negan finally beginning to look over at you until his hazel eyes met yours.
“Still wasn’t your damn fault and hell, you’re not too overcautious”, he mumbled before another small chuckle fell from his lips as he stroke over his jaw ,”Should see me if you were hurt”
“I know, I’ve already had a small taste of that”, you responded with a chuckle, seeing how a bigger grin spread over Negan’s handsome features as a quiet but throaty laugh rumbled through his chest.
It felt like a burden fell from your shoulders and let some lightheartedness stream through your veins as you slowly let your cheek rest against the warm skin of his shoulder just to feel how Negan began to lean his head against yours.

Almost unconsciously and completely naturally his hand found yours after a few small moments, his long fingers intertwined with yours before his large palm engulfed your hand and his thumb began to draw lazy circles over your skin.
“Just wanna be able to keep you safe…feel like I can’t anymore”, you heard Negan reluctantly grumble against your skin, seemingly still having the urge to explain himself before you rose your head from his shoulder.
“You still can”, you said, looking into his eyes as he rose his brows doubtfully.
“It’s different”, you said, shrugging your shoulders slightly before you let another small smile slip onto your lips to give your words some more cogency,”but if you ask me, we’re doing pretty great at taking care of each other”
Negan’s lips began to curl slightly up again, his eyes were still stuck to your face as your fingers found their way to the inside of his underarm and began to slowly trace over his skin while your other hand was still buried in his.
“Especially when we’re sitting on the bathroom floor”, you added with a small chuckle as you let your head fall back on his shoulder and nuzzled your nose against his skin while the throaty chuckle that left Negan’s lips let it vibrate softly against your face.
“In goddamn underwear”, he added, glancing down at himself before his laugh got muffled as he leaned in and pressed a small kiss onto your forehead.

The sound of the shutting front door let you slightly flinch up, indicating that Siddiq had left the house like he had told you and showing the both of you that you couldn’t sit forever on the tiles of the floor.
“And now?”, Negan spelled it out as his head was still leaning against yours while his warm breath hit your skin.
“You still gotta bath.”
“Wow Sweetheart you’re really serving some charm up today”, Negan chuckled as he squeezed your hand slightly while you let out a small, chuckling groan.
“Didn’t mean it this way”, you mumbled with a laugh, shoving his chest slightly as his throaty chuckle sounded once again through the bathroom.
“Mhmm sure”, Negan mumbled teasingly as let out another small groan and felt Negan shifting slightly against you before he rose his voice again.
"If you want…how about we get inside this damn thing? Together”, Negan asked just as his lips formed into a grin against your skin before you rose your head from his shoulder and looked up at him.
“Don’t think we’ll get that kinda opportunity again any time soon so…”, Negan mumbled, the grin on his lips wide while he shrugged and rose his eyebrows in a teasing but overly and played innocent manner.
The played innocence quickly hushed from his features as the wolfish glance filled his eyes up and some more roguishness washed into his grin while you let a small laugh out and watched him running his tongue slowly over his lower lip.
Considering that you both were alone in the house and you could feel yourself longing for his closeness, you began to nod and saw his grin growing even wider.

The warm water was still flowing into the bath and mixed with the soap when you looked at Negan who was finally laying in the water, stretching his long legs out that had to the surprise of both of you more than enough room in the tub.
“Come in”, you heard him say with a grin as he shifted with his back against the bath and opened his arms demonstrative for you while you began to peel yourself out of your clothes.
Feeling Negan’s glance sticking onto you, you could feel some heat rising in your body and up into your cheeks until the last piece of clothing left your skin.
“There we fucking go”, you heard Negan say, his throaty chuckle rumbling through his wet chest before he raised his hand to help you step inside the tub.
Sliding your hand into his  and finally feeling the warm water touching your feet you heard how low growls fell from Negan’s lips as soon as you turned around.
Feeling how a small grin forced itself onto your lips you lowered your body until you let out a content sigh as soon as you could feel the water beginning to enclose you and felt how Negan’s arms wrapped around you to pull your back against his warm and wet chest.

“Fuck, this is good”, Negan mumbled with a pleasant sigh as soon as you laid comfortably with him in the tub, one of his arms securely wrapped around your waist, the other slung around your shoulders to keep you closely against him.
Slowly, you moved one of your hands up until you could place it on his arm just as you leaned your face against his neck and nuzzled your nose into the warm skin beneath the bandaid.
Softly pressing your lips against his neck you heard him growling contently, his arms tightened slightly while the warm water and the sensation of Negan’s bare body against yours let a warmth in your body grow
Gradually, he loosened his hold on you for a moment just to move one of his hands into the tub to let them slowly begin to scoop some warm water over your body.
“Gotta get you all nice and wet, huh?”, Negan mumbled with a grin as you quietly chuckled while his large hand slowly ran over your body and engulfed it in the warmth of the water and the one of his very own.
The soft purling of the water mixed with the sound of the low growls that rumbled through Negan’s wet chest and let it vibrate softly against your back while you began to crave more of his touch.
Slowly, you ran your hand up until your fingers could lace into his dark hair and ran softly and just the way you knew he liked it through his dark curls all while you could feel him beginning to relax beneath your touch as his head began to lean against yours and more of the content growls fell from his lips.
Feeling how a smile began to grow on your lips you let your fingers slowly move out of his hair and let them trace over his glistening skin that was adorned by some of the soap bubbles that danced over his body.
“Lean forwards”, Negan grumbled before you glanced questioning back to him.
“Not that, not gonna push my dick into you…yet”,  Negan chuckled throatily before he nodded towards you,”Just do it.”
Quietly chuckling you leaned forwards, already hearing Negan’s low growls before his large hands placed on your shoulders before slowly running down your back.
Gradually, Negan’s thumb slid along your spine, causing a content hum to fall from your lips while the rest of his large hands cupped your waist before they wandered south until they could firmly grip your hips and push you a little closer back to him.
“Dont’t stop”, you mumbled quietly before you heard Negan’s chuckle as he gave your hips a small squeeze.
“Didn’t quite catch that, Baby. Think you gotta speak up”, he chuckled as you let out a small groaning laugh.
“Oh come on”, you complained playfully before you heard the purling of the water as Negan leaned closer in.
“Hmm?”, he theatrically hummed, leaning in until his lips could brush over your skin and let his teeth tug teasingly on your skin that made you flinch slightly but long for his touch nonetheless.
“Don’t stop”, you said just before you heard Negan’s chuckle once again.
“Damn, now there we go!”, he called throatily laughing out before continuing his massage until he pulled you back into his embrace and against his warm and wet chest.
Slowly, you felt him leaning in until his lips could press kisses on your shoulder while you felt his beard stubble chafing softly against your sensitive skin.
“Oh I fucking know you like that”, he quietly chuckled against your warm skin as another hum left your lips before his lips traveled over your neck and formed a warm and damp trail along your skin.
“And this here too”, Negan purred teasingly as you could him beginning to softly nibble on your sensitive skin while one of his large hands wandered over your side, letting his rough fingertips run up and down your skin and send small, intoxicating shivers through your body.

Slowly, and with each and every more kiss and touch of his you could feel the warmth in your body slowly streaming to your middle while the knowing grin Negan’s lips formed against your skin let you know that he was exactly noticing what he was beginning to form in you.
A sudden thud downstairs made you flinch up as your eyes snapped open and stared at the closed door while you heard Negan’s throaty laugh.
“Afraid we’re gonna get caught?”, he chuckled as you looked back at him and saw into his grinning face while his brows perked teasingly up while you let out a small breath.
“Don’t fuckin’ worry”, Negan grinned as he squeezed your waist playfully ,”We’re all fucking alone in this damn house. Doc’s at the walls and no ones gonna come in here.”
A chuckle tumbled through his chest as he glanced at you and slowly let his tongue slide over his lower lip, “And if there’s still some fucker paying a visit…their ears gonna have a fucking soundgasm from the hell of a show they’ll hear…and by the way…I got the kinda feeling that you secretly like the fucking risk of being caught.”
“But not when those people are my old friends who hate you with all their gut”, you corrected him with a small grin, not able to stay serious as you heard his chuckle and felt his playful touch.
“So you usually like that fucking idea?”
You let out a small chuckling groan and nudged his side while his laugh rumbled through his chest as you leaned back against him while you heard his enthusiastic voice again, “Oh I fucking knew it!”

Within moments you could feel him all over you again, his hand trailing off from your side, slowly wandering towards your core while the grin on his lips grew with every bit he could feel your body aching more for his touch.
Your body was already tensing in anticipation until you finally felt his long fingers teasing over your core, his thumb beginning to slowly draw circles over your clit as you exhaled softly and let your head fall back against his shoulder.
Pressing yourself closer against him you could feel the way his body responded to your touch as well while he slowly began to slip his fingers closer to your core while his thumb continued to massage your sensitive nub.
With no further warning Negan pushed two fingers into you, letting you gasp out as soon as he began to pump them slowly in and out of your aching heat, causing you to arch your back as a small moan fell from your lips.
Feeling how his other hand ran up your body you began to shiver beneath his touch as it cupped your breasts and slowly began to fondle each of them while his fingers thrusted faster into you.
Buckling your hips up to press yourself closer into his touch you heard Negan’s throaty chuckle just before he began to slow his thrusts down, “Want more, don’t ya?…Straddle my lap, Baby”
His voice was low and purring and it just turned you more on as you got yourself to shift out of his embrace and tried to keep your body steady in the tub before you turned around, feeling yourself longing for him.
Your breath hitched slightly as soon as your glance caught his thick length that was already rock hard, throbbing to slip into you but as soon as you straddled his lap and began to lower yourself you heard Negan’s teasing whistle and felt his strong hands grabbing your hips.
“No, no not so fast”, he chuckled as your glance shot up to him as a throaty chuckle fell from his lips,”Damn, you’re eager as fuck.”
Biting his lip he grinned widely before you could feel his hands gripping you a little tighter before his tongue ran teasingly slow over his lower lip.
“Now I also can’t fucking wait to sink my dick into your tight pussy but I need you to come here first”, he purred as he lead you a little closer towards him while he sunk a little deeper into the water and made you realize what he was planing for you.
With a wider smirk Negan licked over his lips, his glance beginning to darken as he glanced wolfishly up at you,“Want you to feel all good, Baby…so let Daddy take care of ya.”
You could hear another purr rumbling through his body before you let out a gasp as soon as you felt his lips placing on your sweet spot, sucking and caressing it as he grabbed you harder and pressed you closer against him.
Trying to keep yourself steady on your trembling legs, soft moans began to fall from your lips as you shut your eyes and  concentrated on the wonders Negan’s tongue and lips did to you.
Your fingers began to entangle in his dark curls as you shivered in pleasure, feeling every little flick of his tongue against your aching core before one of his hands let go of your hips and wandered along your inner thighs.
All of sudden he pushed two fingers back into you, letting you moan out as he curled them inside your heat while a throaty chuckle fell from his lips.
“Fuck, Baby. You’re soaking wet,”, he purred, pushing his fingers deeper into you as you trembled in pleasure,”That damn tub here’s nothing against you.”

With each thrust Negan turned you into a bigger mess, bringing you to your high until you were shivering breathlessly against him, your hands still buried in his hair while your trembling legs had problems to keep you up even as you slowly came back.
“Hot damn”, you heard Negan mumble as he moved a little up and let you lower your body just as your eyes darted back at him, catching him looking widely grinning at you as his beard was glistening in your juices, just like his fingers as he lead them closer towards his lips.
“Shit Baby, you taste fan-fucking-tastic”, he groaned quietly as he sucked your wetness off his fingers, his eyes still keeping your glance captured while the purr in his voice let another shiver run through you.
Letting his hand move up to the back of your neck, he lead you closer to him until his lips could meet yours and let you taste yourself while deep growls rumbled through his chest as you ran your fingers over his skin and the dark, wet curls that clung onto it.
“Think you’re fucking ready for me”, he purred against your lips as they stopped caressing yours for a moment and formed with a wide smirk against your skin.
And even though your whole body yearned to feel him deeply inside you, another part of you longed to give him something back, even to show him that he definitely still was the man his muddled mind had thought he couldn’t be anymore.
“Wait…it’s my turn”, you mumbled eventually against his warm lips before your eyes fluttered open and saw him cocking a brow curiously at you.
“Damn, I’m some lucky ass fucker”, he quietly chuckled as he saw the heat rising in your cheeks before he bit his lip as you leaned in to press kisses along the throbbing vein on his neck.
Slowly making your way down you still weren’t completely steady on your legs as Negan’s body tensed in lust until he chuckled throatily as soon as your glance fell on his large erection. 
“Intimidated, Baby?”, he asked teasingly, the wide grin sounding through his voice as your body was still shaky and a part of you was still overwhelmed by his size, even though the adrenaline in your body didn’t allow any more nervousness to arise.
Moving your hand up, you wrapped it around the base of his throbbing length that was still surrounded by the warm water while you already heard a small gasp leaving Negan’s lips.
Slowly, you began to pump your hand up and down his thick girth, gradually beginning to move it in a spiraling motion as soon as you heard Negan’s moans that began to turn louder.
“Fuck”, he cussed through gritted teeth within the moment your lips wrapped around his swollen head and with that, Negan’s large hand buried in your hand as grabbed it tighter with every caress of yours.
”Your throat’s gonna turn into a fucking ski slope after al-…fucking fu-”, he growled, stopping as a moan pressed out of his lips and the fingertips of your other hand digged into his hip.
Inwardly, you were grinning widely as you heard a few lustfilled whimpers leaving his lips as soon as your tongue swirled around his dick’s head and you were in control of this big and strong man’s pleasure.
Glancing up at him he had his head fallen back against the white tiles, his eyes tightly shut and his mouth hanging open as deep moans left his lips while the vein on his neck was pulsing harshly.
“Fuck…motherfu-”, Negan growled deeply, his curses cut off by heavy breaths and groans as you glanced back down, your hand kept moving up and down his pulsing shaft and your tongue began to massage the thick vein that boasted along his cock while your lips were wrapped around him.
”Baby…”, he breathed out, as soon as you were ready to take more of him as your head bobbed up and down his length, his tight grab on your hair tightened and your hand pumped his body faster.
”Look at me, fucking…fuck look at me”, he growled breathlessly as you glanced up at him, only to look into his in lust darkened eyes and half shut eyes that darted right at you, “Fuck…now that some fucking hell of a sight…”

After a while, you could feel him becoming more restless as more heavy breaths, growls and curses fell from his lips while his wide girth was keeping your mouth except for tiny breath breaks thoroughly in charge.
“Play with my balls…fuck Baby…play with ‘em”, he growled out through gritted teeth as your fingers that had dug into his side were now moving down.
Caressing his balls he cursed out and squirmed in pleasure beneath your touch as you could feel him becoming more and more shaky.
”Fuck-…you’re gonna make me fucking cu-”, he growled out, as you concentrated on caressing his sensitive dick head some more before he suddenly began to pull you away from his throbbing erection.
”Not yet…”, he grumbled, heavily breathing as you glanced up at him ,”Hell…I need you to…fuck, ride my dick, Baby. Ride my fucking dick.”

Completely breathless and feeling some soreness spreading out in your mouth and throat, he quickly pulled you up to him, soothing you with a deep and hungry kiss before one of his hands wandered to your hips.
Feeling him digging his rough fingertips into your skin you flinched slightly up before his lips let go of yours, his other hand ran to his pulsing dick to keep himself steady.
“There we fucking go, Baby”, he growled as his strong hand helped you to lower yourself closer towards him until a gasp left your lips as his hardness slid along your wetness until it pressed right against your sopping core.

A moan fell from your lips as soon as you felt him sinking into you, inch by inch until you reached his base and felt him completely filling you up and stretching you out.
“’re so fucking tight”, Negan growled out as his other hand ran to your ass, grabbing a handful firmly while his other began pull you harder down onto him.
As soon as your hands had found their way to his broad shoulders and the pleasure of feeling him finally buried deeply inside you was streaming through your body, Negan began to guide you up and down his thick length.
Moans and heavy breaths fell from both of your lips as he thrusted over and over again into your aching heat and the warm water that was surrounding both of your bodies gave your bodies a very own satisfaction.
“Negan…fuck-”, you moaned breathily out as you let him sink deeply into your core, your fingernails digging into his heated and wet skin as your eyes fluttered in pleasure.
“Fuck…now look at how fucking great your tight pussy swallows my big fucking dick”, Negan growled out, praising you as you glanced at him while his darkened eyes were watching his throbbing cock plowing in and out of your core.
A breathy cry of pleasure left your lips as your glance wandered down at the both of you, seeing yourself how you swallowed him with every thrust while your body ached for more and more of him.
“Fucking fuckity fuck…fuck!”, Negan growled loudly out as he jerked his hips up and into you as much as his body allowed him to, while your hands began to bury into his hair as he pulled you closer against him.
Both of his large hands began to place on your ass before one firm slap on your heated skin made you rush harder down to him.
“Fuck…”,you cursed out as your fingertips dug deeper into him, you could feel yourself becoming shakier before you could feel his lips capturing yours in a rough kiss, swallowing your moans as your hips meet in an intoxicating rhythm.
Whimpering against his lips you felt his short dark curls rubbing against your sweet spot as he was repeatedly pounding his thick cock into you, leaving you shaking even harder as one of his hands found their way to your pulsing clit.
Feeling him rubbing and massaging the sensitive flesh you began to swing in more ecstasy, as you shut your eyes and began to feel your legs quivering harder.
Negan’s lips left yours, trailing down your neck before the harshness of one of his thrusts let him sink his teeth into the curve of your neck, letting you cry out in pleasure as the small stinging and the feeling of his sizable length deeply in you drove you almost crazy.
“Shit…keep going…fucking keep going, Baby”, Negan growled against your skin as you tried to keep the movements of your hips steady while your body began to ache for a release of the high that was beginning to build with a higher force up. 

Moans, heavy breaths, groans, the sound of the water and your wet skin slapping against each other filled the bathroom as you could feel Negan beginning to pound harder into you as he put more pressure on his fingers.
“Open your fucking eyes…fucking…fuck, look at me when you fucking cum for me”, Negan growled as you opened your eyes and stared into his with lust darkened glance, feeling him slowly growing closer as well while you were only seconds away from your release.
With one last hard and deep thrust of his throbbing length into your sopping heat you reached your high, pleasure washing through your body as your orgasm and Negan’s sizable dick that still pounded into you turned you into a trembling mess as he fucked you through your high.
Mumbling his name you collapsed against him, feeling him wapping his arms around you as he began to thrust relentlessly and as much as his body allowed him to into you, while you breathlessly leaned in to kiss the sensitive and heated skin of his neck while your fingers were still buried in his dark locks.
Hearing him growling in response to your touch and feeling him becoming shakier and sloppier, you felt his wet chest rising and falling in a fast pace against you while curses fell from his lips until his dick twitched deeply inside you.
Feeling how he pulled himself out of your heat in the very last second his warm cum hit your trembling skin and spilled over your stomach, leaving both of you breathless and still swinging in the trance you had put each other in.

Cleaned up from his warm seed and still shaking slightly you found yourself laying in his arms a little later, the slight narrowness of the tub pressing you closer against one another while  the warm water was still surrounding you as your head was resting on his wet chest and your fingers toyed softly with the dark curls that clung to his skin.
“This day took a damn fine turn”, Negan grumbled with a soft chuckle against your skin as he pressed his lips on your forehead.
Humming in approval you nuzzled your nose into his warm chest, closing your eyes for a short moment while his fingers traced over your wet and heated skin.
A small but throaty chuckle fell from his lips as his hot breath hit your skin while he pulled you deeper into his embrace.
“Got ourselves pretty damn dirty, huh?…Looks like we gotta try this whole shit all over again.”

Showered off and back in some new clothes you found yourself again in Negan’s patient’s room, digging out some blankets for the night while Negan laid in the bed, shifting slightly up into the pillows as he watched you.
“Why don’t you get the one from last night?”, he asked with a small chuckle as he perked his brows up and looked at you.
“Because I accidentally spilled coffee all over it this morning”, you mumbled reluctantly, before you shot Negan a warning but playful glance as he laughed throatily and already opened his mouth for another teasing remark.
“Come on at least let me have that fun…you made me go down the stairs on my fucking ass, I deserve that”, he chuckled theatrically offended as you grabbed one of the blankets and walked closer over to his bed’s side.
“Yeah so you would get into this bed here safe and sound”, you chuckled before you glanced at him, “Too bad I didn’t have a camera with me.”
“You can be an asshole you know that?”, Negan throatily chuckled as he reached out to your wrist to pull you down next to him.
“Maybe”, you quietly laughed, letting him wrap his arm around your hips before the sound of footsteps made you glance up.
“(Y/N)”, you suddenly heard a familiar voice say you had expected as one of the least to come searching for you.
Within moments Rick stood in the doorway, looking at you and Negan beside you while your surprised mind tried to read anything off of his face and his glance before he rose his voice again.
“We need to talk.”

(The gif isn’t mine/ it was originally posted by dancing-at-the-funeralparty)
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TWD ~ Negan Imagine – “Roller Coaster ”

When Negan’s dangerous wounds force him to take strong meds, old sores are reopened and take him and the reader through an emotional roller coaster

the last part / all other previous parts
(You don’t have to read any previous parts to understand the plot! Hope you all like it and enjoy reading)


The sun was already standing high on the sky as its warm sun rays streamed into the room and made the sleep slowly loose its grasp on you.
Your body still felt strained from the events at the Hilltop of the past day as you began to let your eyes flutter open and tried to suppress yesterday’s memories and to instead give the new day a chance to make it better.
Slowly, you shifted closer against Negan’s warm body, feeling how he began to stir as a few small dozy growls rumbled through his chest and let it vibrate against your body.
“Morning”, you drowsily mumbled just as you heard the quiet rattling of the cuffs that were boasting around his wrists since the last day and which got you right back to reality.
”Morning, Baby”, he mumbled just before a deep cough rumbled through his injured throat and cut him off just as you could feel his body tensing in pain against yours.
You lifted your head out of the curve of Negan’s neck, glancing worried at him just as another cough let him grimace and flinch slightly up.
“Fuck this”, he coughed out, clenching his jaw tightly as you let out an uneasy breath.
“Shit, the wound really did get worse, huh?”, you mumbled, glancing at the white bandage that boasted around his neck as you remembered last night’s pain he had just shoved off and told you he was fine.
“Nah, I ju-… fuck”, he began again, trying to do so again as another cough thwarted his plans and made him squirm as soon as the pain reached his neck and made you sit straight up, knowing that he wouldn’t make you stay this time.
“I’ll go get Siddiq.”

Just a short while later you found yourself standing next to Negan’s bed again, hearing Siddiq’s uneasy sighs as he looked over the wound that was just as bad as you had feared it to be.
Negan’s face twitched in pain anytime Siddiq’s tried to carefully clean the swollen cut that looked almost as dangerous as it had shortly after the events on the battlefield while his cuffed hands balled tightly into fists as he tried to keep the pain filled grunts in that would else cause even more pain.
”This isn’t working this way”, you heard Siddiq grumble as he cautiously tried to shift Negan’s head slightly up, trying to get him into a better angle for him to take care of his injury while he glanced stressed at the cuffs that made it harder for him to move his patient’s body.
”I’m right back”, he said after another few moments of unsuccessful tries before he gave you a quick nod and rushed over to another room just to come back a minute later, carrying a small silver key in his hands.
A tiny bit of relief tried to sneak its way into the tension Negan’s pain had brought into your body as you hoped that the cuffs would at least leave his body for now.
You shot a questioning glance over to Siddiq just as he let out a deep sigh, shrugged sightly and looked over at you.
“I understand Rick but they don’t help me with his treatment…they’re constantly in the way when I’ll try to take care of the wound on his hand and now with this one as well”, he mumbled, nodding towards Negan’s neck before he shook his head slightly ,”Also don’t need to put a patient under more unnecessary stress, prisoner or not.”
You just quietly nodded before you heard the small clinking of the unlocking cuffs, even though your relief about their absence was shrouded with the gloom of Negan’s hurting wound.

“Don’t know how this could have happened”, you heard Siddiq say with a scoff a bit later as you stood in the one of the other room of the infirmary, helping him  sorting out the things he needed for Negan’s further treatment.
Within a second a cold shudder ran over your back as your mind brought you suddenly back to yesterday’s morning and with that to the realization that you had been the last one to take care of his neck wound before it got infected.
“I changed the bandage the last time”, you pressed gulping out, feeling the pressure and tension rising within you as Siddiq’s glance shot up before he quickly shook his head.
“No, that’s not your fault. After you left I had to take it off of him again, just for another check up”, he added, already letting a small burden fall from your shoulders even though a certain tension was still poisoning your body,”Already used a stronger salve yesterday because it didn’t quite looked like it should after this amount of time.”
Siddiq gulped heavily before he let out another sigh and looked back into the drawer to some salves and tablets just before he shook his head once again and rose his tensed but calm voice.
“I didn’t want to directly take heavy measures since I didn’t want to pump him full of meds right again and stress his body more than it already is.”
“And now?”, you asked, letting a small, tight breath fall from your lips as your glance wandered up until it caught Siddiq’s eyes.
“We’ll have to switch to those meds, I don’t want to take any more chances when it comes to these wounds.”

“And now?”, you heard Negan say the very same words you had asked Siddiq before, forcing a small grin onto his lips as you got back into the room and sat down next to him.
“Siddiq’s gonna give you some stronger meds”, you said with a small sigh as your glance wandered over the thick, white bandage.
“Feels like I gotta treat that wound for the damn cuffs”, Negan grumbled, twitching slightly in pain as his voice rumbled a little too loud and heavy through his injured throat.
“(Y/N), you’ll come over for a moment?”, Siddiq’s voice let your glance dart to the door where the doctor stood, leaning against the doorframe.
Nodding you stood quickly up and followed him back into the main room of the infirmary. 

With a small sigh he nodded to meds that were placed on one of the wooden counters, before his glance wandered back to you.
“I’ve used them before on other patients, they’re pretty strong, but they’ll help the wound heal and numb the pain”, he said, running his hand through his dark hair before already beginning to grab them as he walked closer towards you.
“He’s gonna be like dazzled for the first little while after they set in…after that they could make him jump from a bright high into an utter depth…just so you won’t be surprised”, he mumbled while you already knew by the sound of his voice in connection with these words that this what was about to come wouldn’t be easy for anyone of you.
“I’ve seen all kinds of people grin in the one moment like a ceshire cat and in the other they were weeping from this stuff”, he sighed, looking down to the medicine in his hands ,”Strong curative powers sometimes demand strong side effects”
“But if we got a bit luck he’s gonna sleep through the most of it”, he quickly added as he noticed your tensed and a little warily glance.
“I’ll give them to him and then I’ll be outside for a bit, do you trust yourself to stay alone with him?” he asked, leaning himself against the wooden counters while he nodded over to his ready bag that stood the corner of the room before you gulped slightly.
“I guess I can”, you said, letting your glance wander up at him even though there was still a little doubt swinging in you ,”I really don’t wanna keep you from your tasks.”
“You don’t, this here’s my task too. Either way, if there’s something serious I don’t want you to hesitate. You’ll find me at the walls near the gate, okay?” he asked, making sure to capture your glance as if he wanted to assure that you were alright with anything that was waiting for you before you gave him a nod.
“Okay, thanks.”

For the first while after Siddiq had given Negan the meds, things went as predicted, as soon as they seemed to set in, Negan began to get more drowsy than usual until he couldn’t fight the sleep anymore and let it drag him into its depths.
For an hour and a half, maybe a bit more or less it stayed this way, he slept deeply, only grumbled here and there a bit in his sleep and had the same small and quiet growls rumbling through his chest like they always did in his sleep.

“(Y/N)?…Baby?”, you then suddenly heard Negan drowsily mumble as you stood by the window before his voice made you turn around and look with a small smile at him.
“You’re awake”, you mumbled, strolling back over to the side of his bed as you could already see him grinning widely at you.
“Hell yes, I am”, he grumbled with a smirk, the enthusiasm in his voice implying that he was right now at the high Siddiq had told you about but even though you knew that this could end faster than you liked, right now you were just glad that he was feeling as well as he could in his situation.
“Feel like I could shoot cumloads like a fucking machine gun”, he mumbled with an even wider grin and as loud as his wound allowed him to just as his eyes widened slightly as he rose his voice again and tried to lift himself a little up,”And rip some dead assholes a new one in passing”
“I’m sure you can but you gotta keep laying”, you quietly chuckled, as you placed your hand softly on his chest to guide him back against the mattress.
“Alright”, he mumbled before the grin got back on his lips as his roguish glance captured yours, “You’ll come here?”
“Yeah”, you said already seeing him trying to raise his arm a little to let you slip next to him.
Carefully, you laid your head into the curve of his neck, trying to not come too close to his swollen wound beneath the bandage as you cuddled up to him and let out a content hum as soon as his warmth was beginning to take you in.
“You know what I also feel like doing?”, you heard him ask with a wolfish undertone as he tried to slip his arm closer around you.
“Tell m-”
“Fucking”, it blustered throatily chuckling out of him, almost snickering before you could even end your sentence and realized that the meds hadn’t only boosted his happiness, they had done the very same thing with his horniness as well.
“Y’know what you could do?”, you heard him ask in the next moment before you let out a little, chuckling sigh. 
“Well, I got a good guess but go on.”
“That was a fucking great decision”, he chuckled enthusiastically before you could feel him pulling you with the strength he had left closer against his body. And as he then started to raise his voice, you already knew from the countless of dirty jokes he had told you since you knew him, how detailed and filled with his colorful language whatever was waiting for you would be.

“You know….you could suck with those great lips of yours on my fucking dick, swirl your tongue around that juicy fucking head…let me slip my cock deep down till I blow my cum into ya and turn your throat into a fucking ski slope”, he chuckled, the grin clearly audible as a small chuckle fell from your lips in response to the enthusiasm in his voice that was even drowning the purrs out that were rumbling through his chest just before he raised his voice again.
“Or hell, you could ride my dick like you’re in the fucking Kentucky Derby…shit, that would be one hell of a fuck”, he chuckled happily as you buried your head a little deeper in his shirt as his meds infused dirty talk that was stuck with extreme enthusiasm was rather beginning to serve as an entertainment instead of a turn on.

“Ahh and your fuckin’ moans when you cum for me…fucking love them”, he snickered as he leaned his head against yours and pressed a quick kiss on your skin.
“You know what I love just as fucking much as that?”, he grumbled against your skin while his voice began to turn a little softer.
“What?”, you asked mumbling, already expecting yet another enthusiastic and dirty thought of his.
“That shit you just did”, he mumbled, a smile forming against your skin before you lifted your head a little out of the curve of his neck and perked your brows in confusion up just as you saw his glance turning softer, even though the wide grin was still plastered over his lips.
“That little sigh-…hum thingy you always do when you cuddle up to me…that’s fuckin great”, he mumbled, the grin turning more into a smile as you felt a just as wide smile beginning to grow on your lips, while a small, surprised breath left your lips.
“What?”, Negan mumbled, still with the wide mix of a grin and smile on his lips as he cocked an eyebrow at you and laughed quietly, ”Too fucking cheesy for you?”
“No, not at all”, you mumbled back, a small chuckle falling from your lips as your hand slid over his chest and ran up to his shoulder ,”Just a little surprised you noticed that – but in a great way.”
“Well then-”, Negan began just before a cough rumbled roughly through his chest and up his throat while his face twitched in pain.
“Ah shit”, Negan cursed as you looked worriedly at him while the aftershocks of the cough still let him shift uncomfortably.
“I’ll get you some water”, you said as you already stood up but felt how Negan reached up as fast as he could to wrap his hand around your wrist.
“No, stay”, he grumbled the grin still on his lips.
“I’m right back”, you chuckled as you slipped your hand out of his grasp and made your way around the bed, already on you way towards the door as you turned around again ,”Just gotta take care that you and your throat are doing fine.”
“Aww”, Negan exhaled theatrically before he chuckled and glanced just as enthusiastic as wolfish at you, before his tongue ran slowly over his lip while he glanced down to his crotch.
”You’re gonna take care of him too?”, Negan asked grinning, letting his hips jerk slightly up before he glanced back at you.
“If you behave, maybe”, you chuckled and shook your head slightly about him  before you gestured towards his neck,”And favor your throat a little, we can talk all day when its fine again.”

You were still softly chuckling when you made your way into the kitchen and began to get Negan a glass with water, already expecting him to bombard you with a bunch more dirty remarks but instead of that, you found him slumbering like a little baby.
And it stayed this way for a while, which actually gave you a little relief and made you hope that his rest would give his throat the opportunity to let the swelling and its cause ebb away again.
All until he woke up again, with the difference to the last time that he wasn’t the overly happy and extremely horny man from before anymore but instead usually quiet and here and there a little dazed by the sleep that was overcoming him just for a minute or two from time to time.
And even though his silence and his dizziness made you worry a little you were glad that he at least wasn’t sinking into a low.

Shifting slightly on the chair next to the bed you adjusted your legs a bit that were still hooked casually over Negan’s while your hands were busy with sorting meds and salves into the box that rested on your lap.
Negan’s fingers were slightly fumbling on some loose threads of your pants until you could feel I’m beginning to stop while his body slightly shuddered beneath you.
Your glance wandered quickly up to him, catching him gulping heavily while he stared at the ceiling with clouded eyes as another shiver ran through his body as he uneasily breathed out.
And there it was, the low you had feared.

“Hey…Negan, what’s wrong?”, you mumbled worriedly, swinging your legs from his and placing the box on the nightstand before you moved from your chair onto the mattress right next to him.
A tremble shook slightly through his body as he gulped, turning his head a little towards you but still not daring to look you in the eyes.
“I let her rot”, Negan chocked quietly but painfully out, and without hearing anything further you knew who he was talking about, just like you knew that this would become harder than you had expected.
“I was a goddamn weak asshole”, he grumbled, scoffing as his clouded eyes met yours for a moment before they trailed off.
“Negan, what-”, you began trying to find a way through to him before his eyes that began to fill with more tears glanced back at you.
“I let someone else put her down…some fucking kid and then I fuckin’ ran…I”, he started, his breath becoming heavier as his jaw clenched in distress,  “I just left her there.”
A shivering breath left your lips as your hand placed softly on his chest, your thumb beginning to stroke soothingly over the fabric of his shirt while you grew inwardly restless, hoping that you would be able to calm him down.
“I just left her to rot on that hospital floor”, Negan chocked quietly out, as he let out another tight breath while his lip quivered slightly as he tried to glance away from you.
“Negan, hey”,you mumbled softly, trying to get his attention back at you to have a chance to soothe him,”You were probably in shock you-”
“In shock for weeks?”, he asked, perking his brows up before they puckered as a lone tear was beginning to drop from the corner of his eye down his rough cheek.
“I was in that area for fucking weeks and…”, he gulped, stopping for a moment as another pain filled shiver ran through him,”I didn’t get my ass to go back there and-”
Stopping again you glanced at him, concerned and aching in the pain the sight of him in this distressed state brought into you.
“And give her the fuckin’ burial she deserved…something I fucking owed her”, he said, his voice becoming louder before it broke off at the end of the sentence and more tears began to force their way towards release.
“I’m a piece of shit”, he scoffed, not at all in self-pity but entirely in utter disgust towards himself while exactly this disgust made a painful twinge shoot through your body.
“No you’re not”, you mumbled, trying to keep yourself calm even though you could feel your body tensing harshly ,”Don’t talk that way about yourself.”
Negan sniffled slightly just before a scoff fell from his lips as his teared up eyes darted right back at you.
“Why the fuck not? That’s nothing but the goddamn truth.”

And with those sentence that shot another sting through your body, you realized again that you had to help him through these deep rooted fears and regrets the meds had let rise with an unbearable force and without any filter to the surface.
You found yourself beginning to grasp out anything you already knew about his past, especially the things he had told you in one specific night in which the regrets had almost eaten him up as well.
And with that, also the things he had done well, the things that had made you actually grow unconsciously closer to him as they had shown you that besides his mistakes, he had realized and learned from them and had tried his best to make them up.
He had stood right by the side of his wife till the very end, had helped her through her entire sickness and hadn’t left her side until she had stopped breathing no matter who had tried to force him to leave, all while the world outside the hospital had fallen apart.
And right there was the next thing you laced into your tries to soothe him.
The mix of grief and  the unknown of an destroyed world.
Let alone grief let people do things they didn’t even want to do, let them make decisions that weren’t right, if there even was a right or wrong in those situations.
And this was exactly the thing that had made him run away.
You had seen that happen to a lot people, good people who would have almost fallen apart through grief and who had acted out in this painful distress.
Even you were certain that if you wouldn’t have had anybody with you when you went through the loss of your family, you would have turned into something you didn’t even want to imagine, especially at the beginning of a world that was ruled by the dead.
And that was the point, Negan had been hurting and grieving, had been completely alone with no one to be by his side in the worst time, and all that while he had to try to survive in a world he didn’t even know, with walking corpses around every corner that wanted to tear the flesh off his bones.
Running away hadn’t been the right thing to do, and you knew where his regrets were coming from, but you also knew that those mistakes were not born through spite or malice but simply through pure grief and pain.
After all, they were humane.

So you found yourself laying on your side next to him in the bed, his still trembling arm slung around you while you were propped on your elbow to have a look at him while one of your hand ran still softly over his chest.
“Ya know what?”, you heard Negan mumble as his still clouded eyes captured yours ,”I’ve already had one chance and I fucked it up…”
“You…”, he muttered, trailing off before he seemed to rally himself as his glance stayed fixed on your worried one ,”You’re my second chance…you’re my second chance to be happy with someone and I’m already on my way to fucking destroy it too.”
“You’re not on your way to destroy it, Negan”, you said back as soon as his voice had hushed, not only to calm him down but also because you saw this as the utter truth.
Negan quietly gulped as his glance wandered over your face before you huddled a little closer up to him.
Moving your hand slowly up you smoothed his dark hair back, watching him close his clouded eyes for a small moment as he leaned into your soothing touch .
“I’m lucky to have you, you know that?”, you quietly mumbled, as you let a small, uplifting smile grow on your lips.
And just as you began to grasp some hope, another shivering breath fell from Negan’s lips before he clenched his jaw tightly.
“Why the fuck should you be lucky to have me?”, he asked, his brows puckering tightly as this question made it feel like something broke in you.
If the meds hadn’t fully captured him, if he hadn’t been this stuck in his fears and regrets there would have still been the part of him joking around and making a dirty comment, but instead of that his eyes were fixed on you, completely serious and filled with genuine sorrow and distress.
“I bring you nothing but pain and stress”, he growled out, the anguish mixing with the same disgust you had heard before and right now as by the way he was looking at you you could tell that he meant every single word he had just said
“That’s not true, not at all”, you mumbled, feeling how a lump began to slowly grow in your throat as the way he was seeing himself began to turn into a painful torture for you too.
Tensely and worried you looked at him, with your fingers still caressing softly through his hair as you realized that just saying that this wasn’t the truth wouldn’t do it.

“Alright…buckle up because this about to get sappy”, you mumbled with a soft chuckle as you tried to loose the situation a little up while you huddled closer against him.
Taking a deep breath you looked at him, gulping slightly as you hoped that you would be able to calm him down and knew that lifting the lid to your feelings and putting them into words wasn’t by far as easy as it might seem to one.
But then, as you saw Negan growing unsteady and restless again, the words just began to flow out.
The simple fact that you had your insecurities too, had some moments in which you asked yourself why he wanted you or what he saw in you.
But whenever those damn thoughts tried to sneak up, he was right there, making you feel like you were truly the most desired woman.
He made you feel great, no matter if he did it with his very own way, with some of his very special remarks or just some glances and the way he acted around you.
He made you feel comfortable, that much that you had learned to cry again in front of someone without any shame, without feeling like you had to hide it to not seem weak.
You could simply let your guards down when you were with him which meant in this kind of world even more than it had already before.
And no matter if he realized it or not, this big bad wolf who could be at the very same time the biggest goofball with a dirty mind and a very own sense of humor that managed to make you laugh till your stomach hurt, had developed to be your crutch and calm anchor as much as you were it for him.

”Wasn’t glad for no reason to just be able to lay down next to you after all the stuff that happened yesterday”, you mumbled with a small, uplifting smile as you glanced at Negan who had begun to calm down and whose eyes had stayed like glued on you since you had begun to talk and which had stayed this way no matter how often you had trailed off to find the right words.
“I’m lucky to have you. Believe me that”, you added, letting your fingertips caress through his dark hair just the way you knew he liked it,”Alright?”
For another short moment Negan stayed quiet, his glance wandering off of you for seconds before he began to nod as he glanced back at you, “Alright.”
Finally, the corners of his lips curled slightly up and even though it was just this small and you knew that the meds still had a strong grasp on him, you were glad for the moment.
“And now we’ll sleep some more, okay?”, you asked, moving closer in to him as your fingers still massaged his scalp soothingly and your lips pressed a small kiss on his forehead before you rested your head against his.
You could feel him nodding slightly before he moved a bit in to lean his head closer against you and you finally heard the familiar content growls rumbling quietly through his chest.
Still a little tensed and hoping that he would fall asleep before the meds would let the next shock shake through him you cuddled closer, nuzzled your nose into his dark curls and didn’t stop to caress him until you were sure that he was swinging in a deep sleep.

The next days got better, Siddiq began to use milder meds as the strong ones that had put you both through a roller coaster of emotions had at least done their job.
And with that, the mood swings began to get better as well, he began to be less dazzled and dozy and the tension and concern that had been stuck in your body had been taken by the relief about his growing well being.

The sun was standing high at the sky when you were rummaging through the drawers of the infirmary’s cabinets, collecting and sorting out things Siddiq needed which had become somehow part of your job since you were spending most of the time in this house and needed something to fill your time with.
Next to that, Siddiq taught you here and there a few small things and it felt good to be a help, no matter how small it was and somehow it at least gave you the feeling that you might be able to become part of this all again.

You were just done with getting some salves and bandages ready for Siddiq when you strolled back into Negan’s patient room, catching him glancing at you with still sleepy eyes before he tried to shift himself a little up into the pillows to get a better look at you.

“Talked a lot while I had that shit runnin’ through my veins, huh?”, he suddenly mumbled as you were on your way around this bet as you got slower, not sure by the sound of his voice of what would follow this question.
“Hmm”, you just mumbled back, nodding slightly before you threw a pillow on the wooden chair next to his bed.
“Still meant a lot of the crap I said”, he continued, capturing your glance as you let yourself fall on the stool while your eyes wandered over his face as he clenched his jaw slightly.
“And I don’t only mean the fucking stuff”, he said, a chuckle falling from his lips that should obviously serve as a way to loose himself up before you could see him tensing slightly as he glanced for a small moment away from you.
“Now I’m not as well with this sappy stuff as I am when I got some damn meds fucking with me but that shit with you being my second chance-”, he began, gulping as his eyes caught yours again, “I meant that too.”
You gave him a smile, seeing how he visibly began to loose up.
“I meant what I said too…all of it”, you mumbled, leaning against he bed as you looked at him,”That wasn’t only to soothe you.”
Negan’s lips began to curl up as the tension seemed to wash completely out of his body and his large hand reached out to yours to fumble on his tiny bracelet for you that was still dangling around your wrist.
Slowly, Negan’s tongue slid over his lower lip, before a grin began to grow on his lips as he looked with a wolfish but still roguish and playfully teasing glance up at you.
“By the way, you look hot as fuck today”, he grinned, taking up that one part of what you had told him, as you began to chuckle and playfully shoved his chest.
“Seriously!”, he called out, throatily chuckling as he bit his lip and smirked at you.
“That fucking hot that I could cum on fucking command in these damn sweatpants”, he chuckled, winking at you as he grinned wider.
“Sure”, you chuckled, leaning in to peck his lips before you felt his throaty chuckle letting his lips vibrate against yours.
“Wanna give it a try?”

(The gif isn’t mine/ it was originally posted by dancing-at-the-funeralparty)
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Negan Imagine ~ Midnight Visit

After a Nightmare leaves the reader completely devastated, she hesitantly turns to the big bad wolf himself for comfort



Only a few lamps enlighten the staircases of the Sanctuary as you rushed up each step, cold shudders ran up and down your back, tears still trickled over your cheeks and seemed to become your awful and everlasting parter since the nightmare had ripped you out of your sleep.
Slinging the cardigan you had hastily overthrown closer around your body  you tried your best to get the horrific pictures that seemed like burned into your mind finally out of your head.
Since the world had gone south, nightmares hadn’t become something unusual to you but the one that made you rush through the hallways in the middle of the night had been the worst you’ve had in a long while.
That bad that your muddled mind didn’t try to shut down and calm down again but instead left anything, including any stubbornness behind and gave in to the urge in you to be comforted.
You weren’t even sure what you were actually doing in these moments, this certain urge just kept you going as more pictures forced themselves back on front of your eyes.
Tons of thick, dark blood.
Strained death rattles that combined with the blood freezing last screams of your loved ones before you had to see their dead and torn up bodies over and over again until they slowly began to reanimate, one by one.
Dead eyes that showed that none of the persons you loved to death were left in the bloody and hungry corpses that were stumbling towards you, ready to tear the flesh off your bones until you were one of them.

A whimper forced its way up your throat and left your lips as everything around you seemed to turn for a moment and your trembling hands found the closest wall next to you to keep yourself steady.
Leaning against the cold stone you pressed your eyes quickly shut for a moment, hoping that it would urge the pictures out of your head but instead, the darkness in front of our eyes made them seem even clearer.
Your eyes snapped open again as your breath grew heavier and your glance got clouded by more tears again while your body was already on its way again to its destination that somewhere inside you carried the last hope for some comfort.

‘He had told you to come if you needed something or if anything was wrong. He had told you so’, was the only thought that began to ghost though your mind as you almost unconsciously rushed further until the thought that had seemed so persuasive to your muddled and scared mind suddenly turned ridiculous as you found yourself standing in front of some certain, heavy, wooden doors.  
There was a reason why only your muddled mind had thought of this idea as good, there was a reason why your calm and even stubborn mind had seen this as the opposite.
He probably hadn’t even meant it, had just said it to sound nice or in hope you would come in and defer to his suggestive remarks, tear the clothes from both of your bodies and tumble with him right into his bed.
You had a lot grown closer than you wanted to admit, but still not that close.
Not that close that it was actually a good idea to stand in the middle of the night in front of his door, nothing more than an emotional mess and needy for some comfort.
You’d just make a fool out of yourself.
And this wasn’t you, you weren’t begging for him and you weren’t compelling anything onto him.
What the fuck were you even doing there? This wasn’t you, right? This was just the horror of the nightmare that made you act out.

With another shudder that ran down your spine you still found yourself gasping quietly for air between the whimpers that still forced themselves up your throat before your hand fell from the door handle.
You should go.
Now, before this whole situation would get even worse and before you had even less sleep left before your next shift.
Scoffing and quietly sniffling you turned your back on the door and as your hand moved up to stroke the last tears of your face you began to shuffle down the hallway until your blood seemed to freeze for a second.

The creaking sound of the wooden door as it slowly opened ran like an ice cold arrow through your body as you exhaled harshly and your eyes shut as thousands of curses about yourself shot through your head.
“(Y/N)?”, Negan’s deep and drowsy voice sounded with an confused undertone through the hallway as you let out another strained sigh and slowly turned around, realizing that you had to handle this now, somehow.

Your glance just went for the matter of a millisecond up as you turned around, catching him standing with from the sleep tousled hair, sleepy eyes and just his boxers and one of his white shirts in the hallway.
That was all you saw before you slightly dropped your head, still utterly ashamed and insecure about what to do before your muddled mind took over once again.
“You said I could come when something was wrong and I thought…”, you began, heavily gulping before you shook your head slightly ,”Nevermind…I-…this was a dumb idea…sorry for waking you up.”
You still weren’t looking up as to your surprise you heard him coming closer, his shadow in the faint light drawing other patterns over the walls before you heard the sound of his voice again while you weren’t even sure what to expect.
“Now I wasn’t fucking around when I said that”, he said, genuineness filling his voice accompanied by something else you couldn’t completely unravel and something that you hadn’t even dared to hope for in the last seconds:
A bit of the tension began to leave your body by the sound of those words, even though a small part of you still thought that you were hallucinating them.
Your mind and body were torn into all kinds of directions, just a wild mix of hope-filled longing, shame, sorrow of the nightmare and uncertainty of what the hell you were doing and if any of it was right.
In your uncertainty you looked for a short moment up, enough for him to catch your glance as his brows puckered for a moment.
“Did you-”, he asked, trailing off as his worried eyes focused on yours which the tears must have left bloodshot,”…shit, come here.”

You hadn’t even fully realized his words as you felt his arms wrapping around you and pulling you carefully against his firm chest.
And as soon as your face got buried in the curve of his warm neck and your hands found their way to his back you felt the lump in your throat growing again, tears shooting back into your eyes against your will and small whimpers traveling up your throat and falling from your lips as he pulled you deeper into his embrace.
“Did any fucker hurt you? Did-”, his voice rumbled through his throat as you felt his body tensing up as you realized what he must have thought had happened when you stood with red rimmed eyes in the middle of the night in front of his door.
“No”, you quickly said back only to feel the shame rising in you once again as you knew that you had to tell him that all this was just happening because of a lousy nightmare.
“I know this sounds ridiculous but…”, you began, your voice trailing off as you felt yourself gulping harshly ,”well…that ‘fucker’ was a nightmare.”
You didn’t really know what to expect as soon as the words had slipped out of your mouth, but much to the annoyance of the shame that was trying to make itself a home in your body, he pulled you even closer and leaned his head against yours.
“Fuck, that shit’s not ridiculous”, you heard him say back, determined and even with a soothing undertone as you could feel your body beginning to slowly relax.
You could hear him exhaling slightly, as if he wanted to start another sentence but instead of rising his voice he wrapped his arms a little tighter around you and kept you securely in his embrace until it felt like he completely enclosed you.
This wasn’t like the times he had slung his arm playfully and teasingly around your waist and had let his hand give your waist a small squeeze or the times his hands had placed on your hips to pull you closer against his body while that big grin of his had danced around the corners of his lips.
This was just a heartfelt, big bear hug.
And for the matter of a second your mind tailed off and realized that you couldn’t even remember the last time someone had held you, especially this way.

For a while you just stood there with him, engulfed in his embrace, the horrors of the nightmare slowly beginning to beat the retreat as you felt him shifting slightly and finally felt his skin vibrating against yours as he rose his voice.
“How ‘bout we get in, huh? Don’t think you came here to stand with me in this cold ass hallway”, he said, accompained by a small, loosening chuckle before you slowly lifted your head away from his warm body and hesitantly looked up at him, feeling how a tiny bit of the insecurity caused tension rushed back into your body
“Don’t worry, Sweetheart”, Negan chuckled, leaning a little in before the mix of his roguish grin and a charming smile spread over his handsome features ,”Didn’t expect you to let me fuck that nightmare outta you.”
“I mean, if you’re feeling like it…you know my dick’s always fucking ready for you”, he chuckled, giving you a small wink even though you could tell that he was also obviously trying to cheer you up in his very own way,”If not, well I gotta say I’m a damn good pillow too.”
The smile mixed a little more into the grin as you couldn’t stop a small chuckle from leaving your lips that pushed the thoughts of the nightmare some more back.
“Now that’s what I wanted to see”, Negan said, grinning triumphantly as he made a swift finger gesture towards your lips before he leaned a little closer in and let a warm shiver run through your body.
“Know how to make my girl laugh”, he mumbled with another small chuckle, letting you for a short moment remember the uncountable times he had already turned your boring shifts into the complete opposite after he had come around or had cheered you with his remarks and jokes up on a darker day.
“So you’ll come with big ol’ Negan?”, you heard him ask with a grin just before you felt an urge in you for more of what you had already felt overcoming your insecurity and doubts and letting you nod in agreement. 

Just moments later you found yourself stepping into the his large bedroom that was just enlightened by the lamp on his nightstand and the faint light that streamed through the big windows.
Within the moment your glance fell on his king size bed that was adorned with black sheets and a bunch of dark and thick pillows you felt the doubts washing back up in you.
Was that really what you should do?
Even if it wasn’t sex and just cuddling up to him, wouldn’t that mark you down as just another woman that warmed his bed just with the even worse addition that you were showing him some more your weakest sides in these moments?

“Hmm? Somethin’ off?”, you suddenly heard Negan ask as he snapped you right back into reality.
His glance trailed over your face, seemingly catching your insecure glance as he let out a small sigh.
“In case that calms ya…hell, can’t fucking remember the last time I’ve said that but this is a damn premiere for me here too”, he said, nodding towards the bed and letting a charming smile dance around his lips before his mien got infused by something he was obviously trying to hold back as best as he could, “Haven’t done that in years.”
Negan gulped heavily for a small moment, making you wonder of what exactly he was thinking of even though whatever it was, it washed a little relief into your body.
Maybe, because for this short moment, there was some insecurity in the big bad wolf too, something that made you realize that he genuinely meant what he said and something that let some doubts vanish out of your body.
Within another second you could see him forcing him to rally himself again as he let his signature grin curl his lips back up.
”You can flatter yourself with that, that’s some special service right there for you”, he chuckled before he stepped a little closer,” And only for you, you can believe me that.”
He still had the roguish grin on his lips as he said those words but the way his voice turned a little softer at the very last words made it seem like it actually meant something to him that you believed him.
And even though you weren’t too wild to admit it, it persuaded you some more and washed a specific kind of warmth into your body.
”So what do you say? You’re gonna slip with me in there?”, he asked as he swiftly gestured towards the dark and soft sheets before his face turned a little more serious, “But in case you don’t, you know you can always go back.”
”I know, but I-”, you began, feeling how the longing in your body for some more comfort and the craving of feeling his arms wrapped around you again thwarted any plans the last doubts in you had ,”I wanna stay.”

Just moments later you saw Negan slipping beneath the sheets as you strolled over to the other side of his bed and watched him shifting slightly up into the soft pillows.
Softly, you laced your fingers around the sheets’ edge and pulled it up, enough for you to slip in before your glance already caught Negan opening his arms for you while you couldn’t stop your heart from beating a little faster.
The soft sheets engulfed you within seconds and let a pleasant shiver run through your body just before you began to slowly shift over to Negan, whose eyes were darting at you while his arms opened some more for you.
“There we go”, you heard him mumble as soon as he could wrap his arms back around you, pull you closer against him and make your heart skip a beat as soon as you found yourself sinking into his warm embrace.
Slowly, the very last insecurities in you stopped fighting back and instead the longing for comfort took back over as you felt his scent and warmth beginning to enclose you.
His arms were securely wrapped around you when you ran your hand up until you could let it rest on his firm chest, nuzzled your face into the curve of his neck and felt him leaning his head against yours, letting you feel the soft tickling of his beard stubble and his hot breath against your skin.
Slowly, he loosened one of his arms to reach down to your legs until his large hand could place on your thigh, sending a warm shiver through your body before you felt him guiding you over his hip until your leg hooked around his and gave you a more comfortable position to huddle closer up to him.
”Wasn’t shitting you back there, you can use me as your damn pillow”, he quietly chuckled as he wrapped his arm back around you while you could feel yourself beginning to relax and to notice how even your mind began to calm and shut down.

For a small while it felt even a bit delusional that you were actually laying just like this with him in bed, cuddled up to the big bad wolf, feeling his chest rise and fall beneath your hand, feel his arms wrapped around you as if they didn’t even intend to ever let you go again as they cradled you against him, feel his lips and stubbly cheek brush over your temple, feel his rough fingers beginning to trace soothingly up and down your arm, feel his warm breath hitting your skin and finally feel again how you could close your eyes without seeing any of the horrible pictures again.
“You know, if you got the need to get that crap off your chest, I got an open ear for you”, you heard him quietly mumble while he shifted his head a little closer against yours while you could feel a small smile growing on your lips.
“No…It’s good that way now”, you still quietly mumbled, keeping your eyes closed as you just wanted to keep the bit of peace up instead of letting the memories of the nightmare ruin it again ,”It was just some past stuff…”
You gulped slightly, cuddling a little closer against him as if it would assure that the pictures and screams would stay away from you.
“Fuck, that’s the worst“, you could hear Negan grumble, a deep scoff leaving his lips as you could feel him tensing for a short moment as if some memories had just shot up in him as well.
And just as you felt it, he almost unconsciously wrapped his arms a bit closer around you and cradled you a little tighter against his chest.
“Thank you”, you just quietly mumbled as you felt how his lips formed into a mix of a smile and his signature grin against your skin.
“Anytime, Sweetheart”, he muttered back before you could feel his warm lips pressing a kiss on your temple that sent a just as warm shiver through your whole body, “And I’m dead honest with that.”
Softly, you smiled against his warm skin, feeling how the sleep was slowly beginning to loom in you again as a small yawn fell from your lips.
And for the first time in a very long while you didn’t feel any fear emerging within you when you felt the sleep grasping you and slowly pulling you into its depths.
All you felt was safe and protected and a part of you that was growing bigger with every passing moment wished that it would always be this way.

the gif isn’t mine/ I found it on google so credit to the original owner)
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Negan Imagine ~ Hideout

prompt 39: “I wish we could stay like this forever”


Only the flickering flame of the oil lamp and the faint light of the moon enlightened the night as you shifted slightly over the countless thick blankets.
Each of them were sprawled out all over the cement floor that belonged to one of the platforms that stuck to a more secluded building of the Sanctuary and formed a little hideout from the people, the walkers and anything else this crazy world forced onto you.

“Should’ve brought more of those damn chocolate cookies”, you heard Negan grumble, a small chuckle falling from his lips as his chest that served as your warm pillow vibrated softly beneath you.
You looked with a grin up at him, catching him stroking the last dark brown crumbles from his salt and pepper stubble before he reached over to his glass that was still filled with some scotch.
“And more whiskey, huh?”, you asked with a small chuckle as you saw him taking the last gulp of the amber drink down his throat before you could already see a bigger grin growing on his lips as the glass left his mouth and he could nod over to his side.
“Brought the whole damn bottle”, he chuckled throatily, placing the glass on the ground before raising the fancily carved glass bottle a little up till you could glance at it.
You quietly snickered before feeling the strong arm that ever since you came here rested around you tighten little as you began to let your fingertips draw patterns over his skin and heard how he let out a content hum.
“I wish we could stay like this forever”, you quietly mumbled as your eyes followed the slow movements of your fingers while you relaxed a little more against Negan’s warm body beneath you.
“Hell yes, that’d be great”, Negan muttered back, as you heard him pouring some more scotch into the glass before you felt his fingers tracing up until they could run through your hair.
“You’d just need to take a damn ride on my dick from time to time and shit would be aces”, you heard him chuckle just as you glanced up at him and quietly laughed.
“Right?”, he asked, his voice teasing and a little provocative as he grinned at you and gave your waist a small squeeze.
“Right”, you chuckled back, seeing him triumphantly grinning at you before you leaned your cheek against his chest and closed your eyes slowly, just enjoying for a moment to feel his warmth and the feeling of getting enclosed in his pleasant scent while Negan’s fingers still ran soothingly through your hair.

And right now, with chocolate cookies filling your stomachs, the warm and trickling feeling of whiskey bedewing your lips, countless of soft blankets carrying you and the feeling of your entangled bodies huddling against one another, it didn’t even matter that you couldn’t actually stay here forever.
Right now, all that mattered were these moments and they really were happier than one could imagine.

the gif isn’t mine/ I found it on google so credit to the original owner)
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The kinds of kisses Negan gives you:


• The rough and hungry kisses he gives you when you’re making out, when his whole attention is just focused on nothing else but you, you can feel his tongue teasing yours in a demanding and hungry manner, can feel and hear deep growls rumble through his chest and vibrate against your lips and feel the heat in both of your bodies rising as he keeps your body as close as he can against his

• Sloppy morning kisses that happen right after he has woken up and leans in to place his lips on your neck, your jaw and eventually your lips, all while he’s still sleepy, sometimes hasn’t even completely opened his eyes yet and just wants to feel you right there with him

• The pecks in between that are, even though they’re small, actually just as important as the long and deep kisses as they’re always there, no matter if it’s just a quick kiss before you or he’s going out to do something around the Sanctuary, one of you is in hurry but still rush over to kiss the other one or it’s simply to just have the other one for a small moment close

• Slow and loving kisses that show Negan’s other sides and which can be even more gentle than one would ever expect to come from a man like him. Those kisses are the ones you mostly share when you’re alone, when he’s got you all to himself and you can feel each and every bit of him as he’s letting his lips caress over yours and holds you tightly in his arms

• The ones he gives you right as he’s climbing back on top of you, your body still trembling from what his tongue and his lips have done to you, all while his eyes are darkened in lust, a devilish grin is dancing on his lips that are just like his beard stubble glistening in your juices as he leans in to pull you into a deep kiss and let you taste yourself

• The ones he gives you when he’s already gotta get up in the early morning hours when you’re still in bed and asleep, but wake up for a short moment when you hear him trying to get ready and leave the apartment as quiet as he can and feel him leaning down to your dozy self all while he has to grin slightly as he hears you sleepily mumbling something before he presses a small kiss on your lips and tells you quietly to go back to sleep

• The ones after he comes back from a a stressful day filled with men of his that have pissed him off or even a longer run, when he’s still pumped full with adrenaline and grabs you immediately to smash his lips on yours and pull you into a teeth clashing, rough and yearning kiss that demands to still the longing and hunger he has built up for you

• Heated kisses he presses on your lips in the hallways of the Sanctuary that are simply there to make sure that no man just nearly begins to think of taking you away from him and any of them get well reminded of the fact that you belong to him

• The ones you both have when he’s falling completely exhausted after a long and stressful day into bed, was even almost too tired to get properly out of his clothes and just lays next to you on his stomach, stretching his longs legs out and glimpsing sleepily at you before enjoying the kisses you share when you lean in and slowly caress your lips over his before you cuddle up to him

• The kisses where he murmurs and chuckles some remark against your lips that actually makes it hard for you to concentrate on your kiss and instead lets you break out in laughter that is muffled as soon as he presses his lips with more passion on yours

• Kisses when he’s beginning to get you ready for him, when he’s feeling you up and lets his hand wander over your body or even lets them slip into your panties or simply when he’s already feeling himself getting harder with each moment and can’t hold the deep and hungry growls back that rumble through his chest and throat 

• The comforting ones after one of you had nightmare or simply got haunted by the past, regrets or fears and just need some solace, kisses that are sometimes just small and even feathery, and other times desperate and longing as you need to feel the other one as close as possible

• Kisses that swallow your moans when he’s thrusting deeply inside your heat, his hands are gripping your hips and ass that hard that they will most likely leave marks as they push you even closer against his body all while he’s carrying you closer to your high and is eager to feel and see you cumming for him

• Deep and longing kisses you can have whenever you’re slowly taking things further, you’ve missed the closeness of the other one or simply need to feel each other as close as you can

• The kisses when you’re laying in his arms after you’ve had sex, the both of you have calmed down again but are still a little breathless as he’s pulling you tighter against his bare body and leans in to kiss you and to still more of the  hunger that’s still lingering in him

• Kisses when he’s using his beard stubble purposely to tease and tickle your skin, especially when he’s letting go of your lips, continues to kiss and nibble down your neck just to playfully chafe his stubbly cheek against the sensitive skin and hold you tighter in his arms to tease you just a little longer

• The ones he gives you when you’re showering or bathing together that can be rough and deep or loving and slow but always have the specialty of his wet skin pressing against yours, his from the hot water even warmer lips and his dark hair that hangs tousled and in strands into his face as you run your fingers through it

• Kisses he places either soft or teasingly on the skin he has marked with his lips, his teeth or even his hands just to make sure again that you’ve not only noticed and seen what he’s done to you and won’t forget about it anytime you see them but also let them show you that you’re his

• When you’re in bed and you’re laying in his arms, he often lets his warm lips brush against your skin, lets them place some soft kisses on your forehead or your temple all while he wraps his arms a little tighter around you and lets you bury your head in his warm chest or in the crook of his neck

• Just like he kisses your temple and especially when you’re having trouble sleeping, he also sometimes reaches out to cup your hand in his large palm and lead it to his lips, just to let them kiss and brush over your knuckles and the back over your hand and lets his beard stubble chafe slightly against your skin, all in order to just loose you a little up and help you sleep

• The kisses right after he has shaved, when his rough face is soft, you can smell the pleasant scent of his aftershave mixing with his own and instead of the familiar and beloved tickling of his salt and pepper stubble, your lips and fingers can feel his clean shaved skin right against yours as he’s melting into you

• Kisses he places on your neck that can heat your body up within seconds, that can make you let out a small gasp as soon as his lips meet your skin or you can feel him beginning to nibble and leave his marks on you as he’s beginning to feel you up and let you know how much he wants you 

the gif isn’t mine/ I found it on google so credit to the original owner)
@lovesjdm @jeffreydeanneganstrash @negans-network@sweetwittlebosco@myrabbitholetoneverland @amysuemc@ashzombie13 @warriorqueen1991@collette04 @trashimaginezblog@dragongirl420@dasani-saraai@timeladyrikaofgallifrey @dinodiegos @missmotherhen @kinkygamertrash @beahippie23@xabeautifultragedyx@negansmagic@starwarsandstufff@bdohe21 @lovesjdm @vanilla-negan @to-pick-ourselves-up-7 @roselover159@mamarhee @mini-me-ow@bellawindixon@dlb1999@the-writingdead@thelittlewolf45@collette04@adixon13@nijiru@twentyonewalkers @originalwinchestervamp@readytourie@jtklover123@i-am-lady-anarchy@marauderspads@humble-thumb@hp-hogwartsexpress @mydeliciousdandelion @unholyjs @dancing-in-embers@doggosarefun @xojeffreydeanmorgan @hela-rious48 @thelittlewolf45@smolsstuff @emoryhemsworth
(In case you want to be tagged or untagged for specific things or everything I write, just let me know)

Negan ~ Playlist


As promised, here’s my playlist for Negan and the songs below the cut are songs that fit thematically to Negan, are ones that somehow remind me of him or are also songs he’d might like as well.
I’ll keep on adding songs to this so there’s more to come!

The link to the playlist is right here and I hope y’all have a lot fun listening to it! 

“Arsonist’s Lullaby” by Hozier

“I’m So Sorry” by Imagine Dragons

“Devil’s Backbone” by The Civil Wars

“Renegades” by X Ambassadors

“99 Problems” by Hugo

“Sucker for Pain” by Imagine Dragons, Lil Wayne, Wiz Khalifa & others

“Candyman” by Christina Aguilera 

“No Good” by Kaleo

“Everybody Loves Me” by OneRepublic

“Sanctuary” by Welshly Arms

“Believer” by Imagine Dragons

“Everybody Wants To Rule the World” by Lorde

“Don’t You Know” by Kungs feat. Jamie N Commons

“Legendary” by Welshly Arms

“Bleeding Out” by Imagine Dragons

“Spirits” by The Strumbellas

“Whatever It Takes” by Imagine Dragons

”No Rest For The Wicked” by Lykke Li

“Negan” by Bear McCreary

“Warriors” by Imagine Dragons

“Way Down We Go” by Kaleo

“Breath of Life” by Florence + The Machine

“Leave A Light On” by Tom Walker

“Dangerous” by David Guetta feat. Sam Martin

“Who We Are” by Imagine Dragons

“Unstoppable” by Sia

“Seven Devils” by Florence + The Machine

“Wake Me Up” by Avicii

“Rise Up” by Imagine Dragons

“Dark Matter” by Les Friction

“Womanizer” by Britney Spears

“Runnin’” by Adam Lambert

“Feel like Makin’ Love” by Bad Company

“Daddy Issues” by The Neighbourhood

“The Greatest” by Sia

“The River” by Blues Saraceno

“Sharp Dressed Man” by ZZ Top

(the gif isn’t mine, I’ve found it on google so credit to the original owner)

TWD ~ Negan Imagine – “The Clash”

For the first time after the war’s end and the reveal of the Reader’s relationship with Negan, she is forced to encounter Daryl and Maggie at the Hilltop

the last part / all other previous parts
(You don’t have to read any previous parts to understand the plot! Hope you all like it and enjoy reading)


The sun was already turning softer as the dawn began to slowly set in and drowned the trees and all that surrounded them into a warm light as the truck rushed past them.
Normally you liked this time of the day that made all seem a little more peaceful but at this point, on this day, this time was just an indicator of you getting closer to the Hilltop, the place you wanted to be the least in these moments.
Between your legs still stood the big, black sportsbag that held all your and Negan’s personal belongings in you had taken several hours ago from the Sanctuary, before you even knew that you were about to take off to the Hilltop first before going back to Alexandria.
You weren’t even sure whose glorious idea it had been to make the big detour to the Hilltop instead of just driving back, you only knew that you couldn’t stand the idea, even worse, you were afraid of it.
Tara, Rosita and Aaron, along with the new people from other communities were talking quietly here and there and just as occasionally as you heard them talking, you could see Tara’s, even Rosita’s, cold glances wandering over to you.
Aaron was the only one of your old friends in here who didn’t treat you like a complete stranger or even enemy, he was still pretty reserved and talked as little with you as he could, but in comparison with the other two, especially Tara, he was being kind.

You gulped as you looked down to the sports bag and fumbled once again nervously on the loose black threads on its belts, knowing that sooner or later you would arrive at the Hilltop and you would have to see all those people who wanted you nothing else than gone.
And next to all them was this one person ghosting through your mind, that made it harder for you with every moment and every foot this truck drove.
The encounter on the battlefield with your half-brother had been enough for you, his coldness, his harsh and sharp, even hatred filled words, his crossbow that had pointed at you, all this still send harsh shivers through your body.
It had been about two weeks, maybe a little more or less since then, but not even nearly enough to make him calm down just a tiny bit.
You knew as soon as he would see you, see the bag and what was inside, that his blood would boil up and make him lash out again.
Hell, after everything you could understand that he was angry and needed time and space, and you were able to give him that but in his anger he was being blind as well, and that was your problem.
You had saved him from Saviors when this war had begun, you had always tried to find a way out and you weren’t Negan’s little minion.
If he’d only see that, you would be fine.
And next to all this stress with Daryl, there was also Maggie at the Hilltop and next to Negan you could imagine being the person she wanted to see the least.

The cars were driving a lot faster than usual, obviously trying to make the detour work out and as then the car began to jerk slightly as the underground got rockier, your eyes darted at the front window and caught within moments the tall, wooden walls of the hilltop.
Heavily gulping you stared back down, your body sensing the way the truck was driving up the Hill until the squeaking of the rustic gates sent ice-cold shivers through your body.
Unknown voices mixed quickly with familiar ones outside the truck, people walking around and stopping nearby, ready to help unload the supplies the trucks were bringing into the walls of their home.
Then, the engine of the vehicle hushed and the truck came to a stop even though every inch of your body had wished for it to go on and on forever so you wouldn’t have to face this whole mess.
Tara, Rosita and Aaron, along with the other three people began to get up from their seats, while you remained like stuck to the wooden bench, not knowing what to do now.
You didn’t want to face them, especially not Maggie and Daryl.
And no matter what you do, something would be wrong about it.
If you would go outside now, help carrying the stuff like it was nothing, you could already hear those voices say what a respectless fuck you were for just walking around in front of Maggie who was carrying the unborn baby of Glenn who’d been killed by the man you had fallen for.
Just by the man who was still their enemy in their eyes, especially in Daryl’s who would feel provoked by this as well.
And If you would stay inside, protect yourself from just another destroying encounter that would in the end get nobody just anything than more distress, no matter who it was, somebody would call you a spineless coward.
But even though there almost nothing you hated as much as being called cowardly, right now, being called that was the better option to one or even more fights that would most certainly sooner or later emerge.

Already beginning to move on you saw tara walking with a cold stare out of the truck, already carrying a small basket in her hands before the corners of your eyes caught Aaron stopping right next to you.
Looking up you met his glance, his eyebrows pulled questioning up as you let out a tight and uneasy breath.
“Shouldn’t I better stay inside?”, you asked, already trying to read a reaction off of Aaron’s face before he answered.
“They’re gonna come and take things in and out, they’ll see you either way”, he said, giving you a small nod before he shoved himself past your legs and stepped outside the truck as well.
Shivering you tightened the grab you had on the belts, as if you were trying to find something to hold onto while your mind was filled with muddled thoughts.
This was a lose-lose situation for you and the more you thought, the more you knew deep down that if they would find you in here, not doing a single thing, you would turn into a bigger target or they would think even less of you than they already did.
They saw you as a traitor either way, but a traitor who was now not willing to even work was probably even worse than the provocative traitor who crossed paths with those people.

So even though every inch of your body tried to keep you on this bench, every bit of the pain that was left tried to keep you inside the truck and every bit of the fear tried to keep you from standing up, you finally got yourself onto your feet.
Slowly you got on your knees, shoving the black sports bag beneath the bench as much as you could so no one would think it belonged to the supplies that were meant to be carried out.
And then you grabbed one of the boxes with some tools, moved the truck’s tarp  a little open before taking a deep breath and shutting your mind out to not let your fears make you run as far as you could into the truck.

Warmth was the first thing you felt when your feet hit the earthy ground, the very last sun rays dancing over your face as you tried to let them fill you with some lightheartedness as your slightly dazzled eyes began to get used to the light outside the dark truck.

People were buzzing around, carrying boxes in and outside the trucks, unknown faces mixing with familiar ones as your alert glance forced you to search for Daryl’s face.
And as they gladly didn’t find him, they instead caught Aaron and a group of others who were carrying some boxes as well as they made their way up the impressive stairs of the Barrington house.
With quick feet and trying to catch up on them you rushed over the uneven ground, doing your best to not trip until you finally stood behind the last member of the small group as they walked inside.
The chilly air of the old mansion let some goosebumps spread over your skin, just like the very first time you had stepped into its inside that already laid so far in the past.
Step by step you got further inside, reaching the stairs as you had do take care that none of the people who rushed down the stairs were taking you right with them.
Your stomach tightened, your body tensed up and it just got stronger as you heard this one familiar female voice that let your blood freeze within seconds.
Of course she was in here.
She was the leader, it was part of her job to tell the people where she wanted them to carry the supplies the Hilltop needed.

A cold shiver ran down your spine as you realized that you were about to see her again and even worse, she was about to face you again.
The very last time that had happened, you had cowered crying and whimpering over an unconscious Negan, cradling his blood-soaked body against yours as you held him and tried everything in your might to stop him from bleeding out until Rick had said those two words that had saved your world and had let hers break apart.

While your mind was trying to figure ways out how to get as fast as possible outside this house, your body kept moving and your feet kept taking you up the stairs while you fingertips rigged nervously into the cardboard material of the box in your sweaty hands.
And then you saw her standing next to Enid as soon as you had reached the stair’s top, while both of them were too busy explaining to another group where they had to carry the supplies in their arms to notice you.

You knew it was ridiculous, of course it was, but still you tried to hide yourself at least a little behind the blonde man who was walking right in front of you, trying to procrastinate just another awful encounter for a little longer.
You had enough of them behind you already and even though, or maybe even especially because you knew that there was no way past facing her, you wanted to keep the turmoil that was rising in your body as calm as you could for some longer, even if it were just seconds.
For a moment Maggie’s face lightened up as the other men stepped away, revealing the baby bump that was slightly hidden behind the wide shirt she was wearing but that still showed that she was at least somewhere at the beginning or maybe even in the middle of her last trimester.
Her eyes caught Aaron who was leading your group closer over to her, her voice boomed through your head as her friendly tone greeted him while you knew that this was about to hush sooner than you liked.
Your eyes trailed nervously through the room, your body shivering as your eyes suddenly caught Enid’s whose were staring right at you, coldly, while a harsh gulp ran down her throat as she seemed to realize that Maggie was about to find you too in the matter of seconds.
And then, she did.
For the matter of a second, not more.
Just that and her whole body seemed to tense up, all the muscles in her face formed it into a serious expression while she turned completely cold within this tiny second.
And within this second you tensed just as much up as well, the pressure on your ribcage seemed to press all the air out of your lungs as you were forced to step closer towards her as her glance wandered to Aaron for a moment, then she forced herself back to concentrate on the men and women in front of her and in front of you.

You could feel your own pulse pounding in your ears as there was only the blonde man in front of you left and you could see that Maggie was tensing up as well while Enid was still keeping an eye on her as she was speaking to a woman who was talking about whatsoever.
Your body felt like it was burning up as you saw the blonde stepping away and before you could prepare yourself any more or could look at her you heard her voice.
“Stairs down, first room on the right side”, that was all she said, her voice firm and strong even though there was a slight stirring inside that revealed how much was going on in her.
And then your body forced you to look up at her, her eyes darting right into yours as they screamed out the stirring that had sounded through her voice as well.
Those words had been not only the first ones from her to you after the war’s end, or even after finding out about what you had with Negan, they were the very first ones after Glenn had died.
And by the look in her eyes, you knew that she actually wanted to say something else.
She wanted to growl, maybe even yell at you, asking you what the hell was wrong with you for falling for him and for turning up at the Hilltop now.
You could hear her imaginary voice yelling about what Negan had done to Glenn, to the father of her unborn child, about how you could even look into the mirror anymore.
But she didn’t.
The woman who had once been a close friend just like all the others that had been part of this family, was now looking at you as if you were the completely opposite.
And right now, it felt like Carl had been wrong with saying  in his letter to you that no matter with who or where you were, you would be part of this family.
Right now, it felt like you weren’t part of it anymore at all, regardless of how much you wanted it.

So you just stood in front of her, knowing that anything you would say would make it all just worse while a harsh gulp traveled down your throat, your lips pressed tightly on one another while the pain filled glance which you tried to keep as strong as possible began to trail off as you just gave her a small nod.

The next thing you found yourself doing was stumbling down the stairs, doing your best to keep the calm face expression on to not let anybody see the mess that was actually going on in you.
You made yourself through a group of a few more busy people until you had found the room you were searching for and began to step inside as you already saw Aaron and two other men laying their boxes down.
Slowly you walked in, your glance searching for a place to leave your carton on before you saw the taller one of the men walking over to Aaron, placing a hand on his shoulder before he calmly rose his voice.
“Been a while already but I didn’t get the chance to say it yet…I’m sorry for what happened to Eric”, within these words your breath stopped for a moment, your mind processing within seconds what that must mean.
You knew that a lot of people had fallen on both sides, you had heard about what had happened to Tobin or to Francine and even though you had known that there had to be more, you hadn’t thought of Eric.
You hadn’t seen him around since you were back at Alexandria, but since you had barely stepped a foot outside the infirmary, you hadn’t caught any suspicion, nor had you heard Siddiq or anybody else talking about it.
And now, now that you heard it, you didn’t only feel incredibly bad for what Aaron must have gone through, you felt horrible for not noticing it earlier as well and it made you ask yourself what else you didn’t know yet.
“Thank you…it’s okay”, Aaron said, giving the tall man a small, forced up smile while you let out a tight breath and laid the box onto a small table before Aaron’s glance caught yours.
Gulping you looked at him, another tight breath falling from your lips as you stepped a little closer.
“Aaron, I didn’t know”, you said, almost exhaled as you let pressed your lips on one another, trying to search for the right words,”I’m sorry.”
“Thank you”, you just heard him answer as he gave you a small nod, clearly not too sure how to behave as well before he exhaled shivering and turned around, leaving you alone in the big room.

Just moments later you walked out of the mansion again, breathing in the fresh air as if it would urge the tension out of your body while you began to make your way over to the trucks that were parked along the side of the Barrington house.
People were still carrying boxes of supplies in and out if the trucks, even though it gradually became less busy around the vehicles.
You tried to loose yourself some more up as you made your way through a few trucks, intending to go back to the one which had gotten you here and see if you had anything left that was meant to stay at the Hilltop.
Your breath was becoming less tensed again, your ribcage rising and falling with less pressure before it suddenly stopped by the sight in front of you.
There it was, the truck you had searched for and there he was, the person you had hoped to be able to avoid in every way possible.
Your mind raved, questioning if you should just turn around and go to another truck as long as he hadn’t seen you before fate took this decision away from you.
Just as you thought it couldn’t become worse you saw Daryl grabbing the dark belts of the sports bag you had placed beneath the bench and began to pull it out with puckered brows and a questioning glance in his eyes.
A tight breath left your lips as your heart began to pound relentlessly against your chest while you knew that you had to do anything, right now.

“Wait, no. This is-”, you called almost unwittingly out, your body taking this job away from you as Daryl’s glance snapped up by the sound of your voice just as the sports bag hit the earthy ground.
His eyes glared up within seconds, the glance in them revealing to you that someone must have warned him at least about the fact that you were here before his hands ripped on the zipper and revealed Negan’s white shirts and some grey sweatpants.
“Oh I see”, Daryl snapped, his breath growing unsteady within moments just like yours grew heavy and uneasy while your mind tried desperately to figure out what to do and how to handle whatever he was about to throw your way.
“Ya have the damn nerve to get here and then-”, he growled, stopping for a short moment as he stared angrily at the bag before letting his eyes snap up to you again,”You got his damn stuff with ya?!”
“Daryl, I-”, you said, your voice breaking as your mind turned into a muddled mess, “I didn’t plan to come here,…I didn’t plan to-”
“I don’t give a damn about what ya planned”, Daryl cut you furiously off, his eyes burning into you,”You’re a disgusting backstabber no matter what.”
“I’m not. Be angry at me, alright. But I’m not a goddamn backstabber”, your voice was uneasily, even trembling slightly as the agony in your body rose with every passing second.
“You are”, Daryl growled loudly, just before his fists balled and the desperation in your body wasn’t able to be held back anymore as you rose your shaking voice.
“I saved you from some goddamn Saviors when this shit war began, I fucking tried to get Carl to you in that bomb night against Negan’s plan, I-”, you said, stopping as you let out a tight and frantic breath  ,”I made mistakes and I get that you’re fucking mad at me for being with him but I don’t ask for more than that you listen to me for once. Just fucking believe me that I tried to find a way out, I didn’t hookwink you.”
“Doesn’t that all mean anything?”, you added, the tremble in your voice even stronger than before.
“No”, Daryl snarled as he glared at you,”Not if ya want that asshole after all.”
If there was any hope left in you, it sunk even more right at these words but as you saw into Daryl’s eyes, you knew that he wasn’t done yet.

“You’ve seen it. He killed Abraham and Glenn with this shit bat. He let ‘em kill Oliva. He fucking put me in that damn cell and let me grub dog food. He made me clean that fuckin’ piss up after he burned that guy’s face. You’ve seen it”, Daryl snapped even louder, his words letting even more pain burn in you as he heavily breathed and glared at you, “He’s a damn monster…and so are you.”

His voice cut like a sharp razorblades into your skin, poisoning your body and mind with more hopelessness.
Negan wasn’t a saint, you knew that, and you weren’t gonna justify the horrible deeds he had done but right now, Daryl was acting as if he had never done anything cruel.
As if he had never killed without a second thought.
As if he had never brutally shot or slaughtered someone down or even tortured someone.
You had seen him do all that as well.
You had seen him killing without batting an eye.
You knew he had tortured Randall back at the farm as well.
After all, Randall had deserved all that for staying with a group of rapists, he had deserved to go through hell but at the time the torture had happened Daryl hadn’t known about all that.
Daryl would have done it with someone threatening but still innocent as well.

Negan had a lot of blood on his hands, but Daryl’s weren’t clean as well.

So you got it, you got that he hated Negan after everything, you got that he was mad at you for being with Negan, but in these moments he was being just plain unfair.
“Said it before, say it again. You ain’t my sister anymore, you’re fucking dead to me”, he added with a growl, snapping at you as if he wanted the razorblades to cut even deeper.
“Then I must’ve already been that a long time before you knew what I had with Negan, huh? If not, why would you’ve driven that damn garbage truck into the Sanctuary while you knew I was inside”, you asked, your voice by far not as firm as you wanted it to be but rather shaky.
By the glance in Daryl’s eyes you knew that there was an explanation, whatever it might be, in your favor or not, but just like you saw that, you saw as well that Daryl wouldn’t give you an answer to it.
“Just get yaself back to that asshole”, Daryl snapped, obviously trying to get around giving you an explanation, his body rising with frustration and anger as Daryl stepped closer again, ready to lash out, ready to take this argument to a more painful stage.

“Ya know what? Merle was right about ya all along…you’re a weak bitch”, he growled and with the sound of Merle’s name out of Daryl’s mouth the razor-blade sunk completely into your skin.  

That was it.
Merle was a bête noire for you.
All you ever saw in him was a racist and sexist asshole who was taking your brother away anytime your Mom and even your grandparents tried to get him to come on the right path again.
But anytime he was with you all for a little longer, every time things seemed to become alright, Merle showed up again and pulled him right back into his bullshit.
Every single time.
He made Daryl feel like he owed him something, like he wasn’t worth enough to be taken care of and like simply the fact that he was closer related by blood to him than to you was making Daryl have to stick to him.
It had always been a special kind of relationship you’ve had to Daryl, it never really felt like you had an older brother, it also wasn’t the same sibling relationship you’ve had with your younger sister.
It was different and often it felt more like you had to take care of him than the other way around, even though he was so much older than you.
Either way, you had always been close and even if it had always left you frustrated, angered and even shattered on the ground when he was leaving with  his older brother, you had always blamed Merle, not him.
Just this one time, when he had left with Merle while you had lived at the prison, that had been the time where you had blamed Daryl as well.
After all this time, after all these events that had let you feel like Daryl had finally seen what Merle had done and after your group had seemed like the family Daryl needed, you had felt more than betrayed when Daryl had left with Merle instead of staying with you and the others, even though you had even tried to figure a deal out.
It had felt like you had been once again the second choice after Merle.
As if no matter what he did, no matter how close you were to Daryl, he was gonna choose him over you.
After he had returned, you had gradually begun to figure things out and had begun to feel again that you weren’t the second choice after all.
But now, this sentence that had just fell from Daryl’s lips was taking you right back, was breaking up old wounds and was letting you feel like you were losing your half brother once again to someone who was already long dead.

“So now Merle’s the sacred fucking god again?”, you asked with a growling but even more desperate and confused tone as you couldn’t control the anger anymore this whole situation and the simple thought of Merle flared up in you.
“He’s at least better than you”, Daryl growled back, coming closer again as his chest rose and fell heavily up and down again, an outbreak of the vulcano that was seething in him close.
“At least he knew what family meant”, Daryl snapped back, giving the fire in you even more fuelwood.
“Merle didn’t know shit about family and you know that”, you growled back, your voice beginning to become strained as you tried to appeal to the part in Daryl, somewhere deep down  in him that knew the truth, “He le-”
“But he didn’t get his’ killed”
And with that you stood ramrod on the spot, within a second not able to move anymore as involuntary tears shot up in your eyes and the worst kind of pain rushed through your veins.
Your body began to burn in agony as Daryl’s words about your biggest regret boomed through your head, the weak spot he wasn’t poking now, he was beating it up.

Your lip quivered as your mind forced up pictures of your family, of the walkers that were all over them and left not even enough to let them reanimate.
Of the packed bags in your old home’s hallway that were turning blood red as the thick blood of the puddles were soaking their fabric.
Of exactly those ready bags your family could have safely and soundly grabbed and taken with them, if your family wouldn’t have waited for you, if Daryl and you had been just a little earlier, if you had done anything just a little faster, just packed your clothes you had at Daryl’s faster, just run to Daryl’s bike a little faster, just any little thing.

Whenever Merle had begun to say that it had been your fault, Daryl had been the one to tell him otherwise when you had been too grief drowned and weak to.
Deep down you knew Daryl was now just saying this in his anger because he knew this was gonna hurt you the most, and still it had his wished effect on you:

Tears that began to roll down your face and dropped into your quivering lips, pain that was making it unable to move for you while the first inexorable sob was traveling up your throat even though the determination in your body tried to fight it.
You didn’t want to cry, you didn’t want anybody to see you this weak but your body and and your memories really didn’t care about that.
And Daryl, Daryl just stood there and looked coldly at you, his glare burning into  while a heavy scoff left his lips.
You weren’t able to say anything, you were just as defendless as you were helpless whenever it came to the topic of your family’s death.
In all this time,  Negan had been the only one next to Daryl you had revealed this part of your past to and now Daryl had busted it out after all these years again, not caring that there were people around you that would hear it too.
The people who had stopped walking after they had heard Daryl’s loud voice, the people who were now looking at the both of you and which you were blending in again just now.
Your clouded eyes only caught how Daryl let out another scoff before he turned around and rushed away, leaving you alone with the bag in front of your feet and the people who were now beginning to walk and work again.
Your body was trembling, stuck somewhere between icy coldness and boiling heat as you leaned with another small sob down and began with shaking hands to pull the zipper shut again.
With a harsh gulp you grabbed the belts, trying to keep more tears from falling down your cheeks before you felt more tight and trembling breaths rumbling through your chest as you heft the bag inside the truck and slipped through the tarp yourself.

That was enough for you, you had done your part, you had helped and no one was getting you outside this truck again before you were arriving back at Alexandria.
You didn’t care if this meant that you were fleeing from any problem, you had tried to face it but that what had happened in response had given you the rest.
First Maggie and now Daryl.
You weren’t supposed to be out there, hell, you weren’t even supposed to be on the compound of the Hilltop.
No one wanted you here and you didn’t want to be at this place as well, you just wanted to leave it.
You just wanted to stop yourself from going through torture after torture.
And no one could blame you for that.

No one was coming into the truck to carry something out or to get something inside, they seemed to be done with this vehicle and for today, this seemed to be your only luck.
You tried to muffle your sobs that were still forced up by your body, just like the pictures and sounds you’ve had to see and heard the day your family died.
The blood.
That what was left of the ones you utterly loved.
The blood soaked bags.
The sounds of the gorging walkers that were feeding on your family’s bodies.
Daryl’s hand that grabbed yours to drag you out of the house before the walkers could get the both of you as well.
The thought and the awful fact that you could never even bury them.
All this kept your tears coming, kept your body shaking and kept your heart pounding with a painful harshness until the quiet sobs turned into whimpers.

Your tears were already tried up when Tara, Rosita and Aaron along with the three others got back into the truck.
You stayed a little hunched over on the bench, trying to keep it together and trying to not let them see what a mess you still were even though you knew that there was no way they didn’t know about the fight.
By the time the engine finally started again you felt like you had never liked its zooming sound any more than in these moments as it indicated that you could finally leave this place behind.

But before your thoughts could leave it behind as well, Merle sneaked one more time up in them as your eyes darted at the gun in Aaron’s holster and symbolized yet another boasting difference between the both of you.
While you had given guns a wide berth before all this, Merle had always wielded them around as if they were some harmless toys that were just there to boast his self-esteem or to actually keep other men from him after he had fucked something up. 
But long after the world had gone to shit, you had been the one to kill Merle’s walker, you had done it just so Daryl didn’t have to and just like you had done that, you had tried to keep yourself calm whenever Merle had been around at the prison even though he had been one of the only people, if not the only one who could bring your blood to boil within seconds.
You’ve had to admit that Merle cared in some odd way about Daryl, that he had shown the slightest sign of being redeemable, even though you could never get to take to Merle, not after everything that had happened, not after all the pain he had given you and didn’t even feel sorry for.

And as Merle finally slipped out of your mind, you realized that it would be a long drive until Alexandria.
You wouldn’t be there before the early morning hours so you just tried to do what you did before you heard that you were driving to the Hilltop.
Just trying to think of that damn moment you could huddle up to Negan and feel him cradling you against his chest.
Just this one thing you could look forward to.

Your body was aching from all the sitting on the wooden bench when you finally saw Alexandria’s sign enlightening in the truck’s headlights.
Relief began to wash over you, even a small smile grew on your lips as you knew that it would be a matter of a few moments until you could finally find some rest again.

The next thing you saw yourself doing was getting yourself out of the truck, the black sports bag in your hands while the cool night air hit your skin in a blissful way.
For a short moment your eyes caught Rick as he was walking towards the truck, beginning to check on everyone and asking Tara and Aaron a few things before he grabbed a box to carry it towards his house.
You took a deep breath before your feet began to carry you towards the infirmary, your legs still wobbly from the long drive while you swung the bag’s belts over your shoulder.
The streets were only enlightened by the fair moonlight as you made your way closer and closer towards the infirmary until you finally stood right in front of its door.
With a relieved smile on your face you grabbed the metallic handle and slowly opened the door, hoping to not wake Negan up from his sleep.
You really just wanted to lay down next to him, just that.
If you would wake him up, he would immediately see that something was wrong with you and even though you were calm again, you knew that this layer had only the chance to become as thin as a paper sheet over the drive.
And even though you longed that much for it, you knew that if Negan would take you in his arms and ask you to tell him what had happened, you would break out in tears again and after all, seeing him all ruffled and concerned about this dumb fight would just let you feel worse.
This wasn’t something he should worry about now, the only thing he should do was concentrating on recovering.
You would tell him, of course you would, you couldn’t nor wanted to keep some secrets from him, but you would do it tomorrow, when you were levelheaded enough again to not have a full on emotional breakdown.

Slowly you made your way over the wooden floorboards, letting out a few curses under your breath whenever they squeaked slightly beneath your shoe soles.
Finally your hand wrapped around the handle to the door that would lead you to Negan, before you slowly opened it and slipped inside, careful to not smash the big bag against the walls.
Just as you looked up, hoping to find Negan sleeping peacefully, your breath stopped for a moment.
He was there, he was sleeping in the bed like always but what made everything in your body whirl up were the things that were boasting around his wrists.
Silver handcuffs that tied him to the bed, the thin, metallic chains connected to them leaving only enough freedom for him to lift his hands in the slightest way.
Within seconds your pulse began to pound in your ears, tightness spread out all over your ribcage again as your eyes wandered over the metallic cuffs.
The last morning before you had taken off to the Sanctuary he hadn’t even been strong enough to sit himself up nor able to be the slightest threat possible, these goddamn cuffs weren’t necessary.
If they were anything, they were there to display power.

Within just a few more seconds your heartbeat increased and your eyes got irritated as they didn’t find something leaning against the wall.
Lucille was gone, even though the bat had been completely out of Negan’s reach.
A harsh gulp travelled down your throat as you began to realize that Rick must have used the time you weren’t there, used it to do or take the things away from Negan he couldn’t do while you were by his side.
And with the anger Rick still had towards Negan, who knew how he would use Lucille against him.
With a tight and uneasy breath you slowly felt the belts of the bag sliding down your arm, then down your hands until it met the ground with a soft thud that still boomed sharply through your muddled head.
Again you had to take in a punch in the gut and right now, it felt even worse as it destroyed the moment you had clawed on since you had stepped into the trucks at the Sanctuary.
It screwed you once again over and destroyed the small layer of calmness you had built up.
You needed answers, now, and the only person who could provide them for you right now was the man who was still outside, carrying boxes to his house.

With heavy footsteps and a just as heavy breath you walked over the streets, trying to keep yourself controlled and trying to not let the fantod the whole day had grown in you take over, especially as your eyes caught Rick walking alone over the streets.
“Rick, I need to talk to you”, you said as loud as you could to get his attention and as he stopped by the sound of your voice and a sigh left his lips you knew that he was aware of why you were walking up to him now.
Clenching his jaw he turned around to you, his hands gripping tighter into the small carton he was carrying before he let out another deep sigh.
“There’s nothing to talk about, (Y/N)”, he said sternly, his eyes meeting yours in the faint light.
“There is. Why’s Negan handcuffed and where’s the bat?”, you asked, trying to keep your voice firm instead of letting it break like it threatened to.
This day had brought you enough, you just wanted it all to end, you just wanted to have a tiny bit of peace after all. 
You didn’t want it or this night to become just another continuation of painful moments.
“’Cause he’s a prisoner and that…thing-“, Rick scoffed out, his jaw clenching again before his brows puckered slightly as he rose his voice again ,”They’ll stay on him.”
Desperation began to settle in your body as you let out a trembling breath, knowing that you couldn’t stop now.
“You didn’t put them on him before as well, why now?”
“’Cause I got the chance to, couldn’t before ‘cause you were mount guarding over him 24/7“, Rick growled, snideness clearly audible in his voice as you could feel yourself growing uneasier.
A part of you wanted to growl back, a small part of you even wanted to yell about the simple way everybody was looking at you without a chance to explain yourself but the bigger part in you knew, even after this day, that this wouldn’t get you far.
You had to soft pedal, you had to keep calm and most of all you just wanted the growing distress and agony to leave your body instead of letting it tremble like they did right now.
“Could you please uncuff him?”, you asked with a slightly shaking voice, almost feeling ridiculous as you spoke those words out but they were your only chance.
“Why should I do that, (Y/N)?”, Rick asked, his face grimacing in lack of understanding and even frustration as he walked a few steps towards you.
“’Cause he can’t even sit himself up…that’s how weak he still is, there’s no need for those cuffs”, you responded, heavily gulping and growing more restless before you rose your voice again, “If he was a possible threat to you, I could understand, but he’s not. He’s a weak and injured man and those cuffs will just make it worse.”
“You won’t change my mind”, he said sternly, just as a deep sigh left your lips and you began to realize that you wouldn’t get those damn cuffs off of him, at least not tonight.
The only hope you had was that Siddiq would say something against them, would tell Rick that they were restricting him or were giving him a harder time to treat Negan, especially the wound on his hand.
And after all, there still was another topic you had to check off.

“Then at least please tell me where the bat is”, you asked, gulping as you already knew that this wasn’t something Rick wanted to hear out of your mouth.
“What-”, he began, grimacing even more frustrated as before as his fingers pinched the bridge of his nose while he shook his head before he looked beyond belief at you ,“He killed Glenn and Abraham with that thing. Is that even clear to you?”
“Yes,…it is-”
“And ‘cause he cares about this thing you just throw everything over board? He beat them to death with it, he-”, Rick growled out, stopping before he shook his head angrily again before glaring at you, “And this right here shows me that I can’t trust you with it.”
You looked unbelieving at Rick, the frustration growing in your body as you let out a scoffing sigh.
“What? Do you think I’ll throw it around and try to kill you all with it?”, spoke the pain and desperation of the day out of you, that was now just stronger as you saw the way he looked at you and grew even more as you heard his voice again.
“Who knows.”
Your eyes filled with more hurt as you looked at him, he was angry, of course he was but this was a step too far.
It was jinxed, at least it felt that way.
And as if you weren’t able to find a way that would let you make it right with both sides.
You didn’t want to have to choose any over the other even though the situation was forcing you to and you didn’t want to settle into a goddamn villain- nor victim role, you just wanted a damn chance. 

You gulped, your glance trailing for a moment to the ground as Rick seemed to begin to notice the effect his words had on you.
A sigh left his lips that quickly mixed with a scoff as he turned around and walked a few steps before he suddenly stopped again.
“That damn thing is in the storeroom of the armory, and it will stay there”, Rick growled out before he let out another sigh, “Michonne told me. ‘bout your talk.”
With that, your glance snapped up again, remembering the first talk with one your old friends that had given you a little bit of hope that it would become some day better again.
But at least for now it didn’t look like it, right now stared Rick unbelieving into your eyes as if he couldn’t recognize you as the person he had once been close friends with.
“Tell me one thing (Y/N). Is he worth it? Is he really worth it?”, Rick asked, his glance goring through you as you looked right back into his eyes, knowing that you weren’t gonna give in now.

With a mix of frustration, pain and simple exhaustion you found yourself standing in front of Negan’s door again, your nerves even weaker than you had thought they’d become as you slipped once again into the room.
A sharp shot of pain rushed once again through you as your eyes caught the handcuffs, right before you leaned down to grab the bag and slowly walked towards him and to the chair on the other side of his bed.
Lowering the bag to the ground you let out a small strained breath, just before you heard the drowsy sound of a familiar voice.

“Sweetheart?”, you heard Negan dozily mumble, just as you turned around and looked into his sleepy eyes that were glancing in the faint light at you.
”Hey”, you just mumbled quietly, forcing a small smile onto your lips before you heard the small clinking of the cuff’s chains as Negan moved his hands slightly.
“I’m sorry…I shouldn’t have gone”, it blustered rattled out of you, your glance wandering to the chains as you gulped harshly.
“I was here before and then I…I tried to persuade Rick with the cuffs but…Lucille’s in the armory-”, you began again, your muddled mind cutting you off as it forced you to look back up at Negan’s face.
”Just come here for a moment, alright? Missed my girl”, Negan’s raspy voice asked with a sleepy grin and a quick wink, obviously trying to distract you as his words still began to loose you up, just like the sound of his voice and the simple fact that you were finally in this room.
Slowly, you sat down next to him as he shifted as much as he could to the side, dragging his hand over to him until the metallic cuffs didn’t allow him to move more.
”I’m sorry”, you mumbled again, feeling how the day and now the night as well were pressing in on you as a lump developed in your throat.
”That shit here’s not your fault”, Negan mumbled as he glanced down to the cuffs and even though he was seeming more than calm now, you knew that he had probably spent the day and night letting masses of curses about Rick rumble out of his lips, you could even imagine him yelling furiously at Rick to not touch Lucille when he had taken her.
A shivering breath left your lips as you slowly and reluctantly nodded, looking up at him again as you felt his eyes wandering over you.
”But next to that crap…I could use a damn welcome kiss”, he said as he gave you a small, uplifting grin, “A blowjob too but a damn kiss will do for the start.”
He chuckled quietly, grimacing slightly in pain as the rumbling of his laugh was hurting his throat’s wound before the grin slipped back on his lips.
Finally feeling a little lightheartedness rolling back into you, you leaned down to let your lips capture his, your hand moving up to cup the side of his jaw as his beard stubble tickled your fingertips and a contend growl rumbled through Negan’s chest and vibrated against your lips.

Slowly, you let go of his lips again, your forehead still leaning against his as you felt the scenario coming up you had thought of before walking for the first time into the house this night.
Negan’s touch didn’t only comfort you, it brought the longing in you up to let go and whirled your emotions back up only to slowly create more cracks in the thin layer of calmness.
A shivering breath left your lips, your nose tingled slightly as you could feel some tears trying to force their way up into your eyes.
”Baby, what’s else wrong?”, Negan asked, half serious, half with a deeply worried undertone as a tight breath fell from your lips and your emotions pressed the truth out of your body.
”I’m just burned out… feel like I can’t anymore”, you mumbled, your voice shaky and your eyes beginning to cloud with tears before you breathed sharply in and sat yourself up, Negan’s concerned eyes darting at you. 
“And I should be strong for you now and I’m messing it up”, you mumbled, your voice pressing through the lump in your throat as your head dropped slightly just as you heard his voice again.
“You’re not, that’s bullshit, you’ve been strong for me all these fucking days”, you heard him firmly say, even though there was still the softness of the worry clearly audible in his voice before you glanced up at him.
“There’s more, huh?”, he asked, his eyes wandering over his face as you knew that you weren’t able to hold it back anymore, you couldn’t even wait until later.
“We made a detour to the Hilltop”, it blustered shakily out of you and with these words, you unleashed the storm that had caused havoc in you.

There was no way of keeping your emotions in line anymore, you weren’t even truly in control of yourself anymore, it just all got out as if some urge in you thought that this was the only way for you to find at least a little peace.
The cold behavior of your old friends.
The encounter with Maggie.
The fight with Daryl.
It all got out.
And the latter of the people you had mentioned, had even been unknown to Negan until now.
Merle had always been a topic you weren’t wild to talk about and till now, you had just suppressed him, but the poisonous mix of Daryl’s mention of him and your family’s death had turned the tables.
So accompanied by the tears that had already taken your eyes and cheeks as their new home, Merle slipped out of your lips again, not everything about him, but just the most important things that lead to your tearful reaction.
The rest was for other times, for other countless hours you would be able to fill with him or else of your yesterdays and for the times Negan and you would still spend unraveling the puzzles of each other’s pasts some more.
So for now, it was just these important things, especially because you doubted that you could take anything more after Daryl’s words had let you shatter on the ground.
And that was also why you found yourself huddled up next to Negan, your face pressed into the curve of his neck, his arm trying to hold you against him as much as the cuffs allowed while his lips pressed some soft kisses on your forehead and temple, just like countless of soothing words and arguments against Daryl’s accusations fell from his lips, along with his familiar curses.

Dawn was already beginning to slowly set in as your tears had dried, your breath was calm again and you began to hear Negan’s deep voice once more.
“Why don’t you show me what you got back from home”, you heard him ask as his head leaned against yours.
“As some distraction, huh?”, he added as you shifted slightly and began to sit yourself up next to him, realizing that this was probably the best thing to do right now if you wanted to keep your thoughts off of Daryl and anything that surrounded him.
“Okay”, you said, your voice still strained from the crying as you gave Negan a nod and looked into his softened eyes that began to have a little less concern filling them.

Slowly, you got up from the bed, and grabbed the dark belts of the bag before you could slide it until it hit the side of the bed.
Leaning down you began to open it, your body feeling slightly drained as heaved it up to place it on your lap to have a better look in it.
“Your tons of white – and a few grey shirts…sweatpants-”, you began to mumble with a tiny grin as your hands slid through the things in the bag and got a few of them out to have a better access to the objects hidden beneath the clothes.
”Normal pants..”, you continued as Negan’s chuckle let a small grin form on your lips just as you caught the red cloth underneath another bunch of white shirts.
“Oh and I got you the red scarf”, you said, the small smile dancing around the corners of your lips as your fingers laced around the fabric and pulled it out until Negan saw it.
A big grin began to plaster on his lips, a small chuckle leaving his mouth as he looked with a wolfish and roguish glance in his eyes at you.
Us”, he corrected you with a wider grin before he rose his deep voice again, “You know what great shit we can do with that thing?”
His throaty laugh rumbled though his lips as he saw how you let a small chuckle out just before he grimaced in pain as soon as the laugh rumbled some more through his injured throat.
“Got the wound worse?”, you asked, worry laying in your voice as Negan slightly shook his head.
“Nah it’s fine, think it’s just the healing process”, he mumbled, before he gulped slightly, “Doc’s gonna look over it tomorrow anyway.”
You gave him a small nod, your eyes sticking for a moment on the white bandage that was still boasting around his neck before Negan got back on his mission to distract and cheer you up with the things you had gotten from the Sanctuary.

“That’s my favorite shirt”, he said with a small grin, nodding over to one of the countless white ones you had laid over his lap.
“What?”, you asked, your brows furrowing in slight confusion as another throaty chuckle fell from Negan’s lips.
“I’m not shitting you”, he said grinning, his tongue sliding for a short moment over his lower lip, “That shit’s fucking soft, softer than the others.”
Quickly, your fingers slid over the shirt, your fingers moving over the soft fabric as a small chuckle left your lips.
“What?”, he asked with another chuckle after you had given him next to the laugh a slightly irritated look, all while his brows perked curiously up.
“Didn’t think the big bad wolf would pay attention to the softness of his shirts”, you chuckled quietly and with a teasing undertone just before he let out a laughing snort.
“Fucking dare you to tell that anyone else”, he chuckled, the smirk still all over his lips as his eyes wandered over your face, relief mixing into his glance as he still saw the bit of lightheartedness he had managed to slip back into your body.

“Well, I’d also have some other ideas but…”, Negan mumbled after you had shown him the rest of the stuff you had gotten back before he gestured with his head towards his side, ”Now I know I can’t hold you but for the rest of the night, why don’t you use me fucking ruthlessly as your pillow?”
You gave him a nod, a soft smile laying on your lips as you packed the bag up again and placed it next to the bed. 

Finally you laid next to him down again, hooking your leg around him to keep you on the bed, your hand resting on his chest while your head leaned against his warm neck just the way you had wished you could do it for the whole time you had been in the truck.
“Ah, this is good”, Negan exhaled with a content sigh as you cuddled up to him  and his comforting scent began to shroud you again.
”Thank you”, you mumbled into his shirt, as you felt Negan’s hand caressing the small of your back as much as it could.
”There’s no fucking need to thank me for that”, Negan grumbled back, his head tilting slightly as he leaned it against yours, “especially not ‘cause I’m also the damn reason for it.”
For a short moment it got silent, but before you could tell him else you heard his voice again, now, different to before tensed and with a bit pain sounding through.
“I’m fucking sorry you gotta go through this because of my ass.”
“It’s not your fault”, you said, now quick enough to not let him drive himself deeper into this.
Raising your head you looked up at him, giving him a soft smile while your fingertips caressed slightly over his chest, trying to show him that you meant what you said.
Him giving himself the fault for all this was the last thing you wanted, nor did you ever considered him as the problem for the issues you had with the others.
Of course, they acted this way because you were with him, but that didn’t make it his fault for you, not in any way.
“It really isn’t”, you mumbled reassuring, your eyes still darting at his as he gulped slightly, the muscles in his cheek twitching uneasily by the pain it caused before he gave you a small nod.
“Don’t waste time for thoughts like that…just concentrate on recovering, alright?”, you said, softly nodding towards the bandage around his neck as you waited for a reaction of his.
“Alright”, he mumbled a little reluctantly back, before you leaned slightly in to press some kisses over his rough jaw and nuzzled your nose into his stubbly cheek the way you knew he secretly liked it.

And so you gave him comfort and solace, just like he had given you the utter most of it before.
Just like you both always did.

(The gif isn’t mine/ it was originally posted by dancing-at-the-funeralparty)
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Negan Imagine ~ Mornin’

Prompt 64: “ You’re so fucking beautiful.”


“Mornin’, Baby”, Negan’s drowsy voice grumbled as you slowly let your eyes flutter open, his warmth still completely surrounding you as you were cuddled against his cozy chest.
“Morning”, you yawned, nuzzling your face for some more moments into his skin, taking in his pleasant scent while your fingertips felt the slight tickling of his dark chest hair beneath them as a content growl rumbled through his body and let it vibrate against you.
With another small yawn you backed your head a little away and let your sleepy eyes glance up at him, a small grin playing around the corners of his lips as his dozy eyes wandered over your face.
“You’re so fucking beautiful”, Negan mumbled drowsily as a big smile slipped onto your lips even though a small groan rumbled through your throat as well.
“I just woke up…I look like a pollywog”, you sleepily chuckled as you buried your face back into his warm chest.
“Bullshit”, Negan grumbled with a small laugh as he wrapped his arms tighter around you and pressed a sloppy kiss on the top of your head, keeping you some longer just like that in his arms before his drowsy voice sounded after a cozy while of just laying in each other’s embraces through to you.

“Also don’t think a fucking pollywog could get me that rock hard…or make me cum so fucking hard”, he purred with a chuckle as his rough voice emphasized the ‘hard’s especially strong.
“Oh my”, you chuckled drowsily and playfully shoved his chest as you heard his throaty laugh and felt the way his hot breath hit your skin, just before your felt him shifting his body against yours, his arms tightening until he rolled himself with a drowsy groan on top of you.
Feeling his lips meeting the sensitive skin of your neck you let out a pleasant hum, your fingers finding their way into his dark and from the sleep tousled hair before he tightened his arms around you and made you feel the sizable bulge that was beginning to grow beneath his boxers.
“Want me to prove it?”, he asked as he backed a little away, the grin plastered over his face before his lips meet yours in a longing kiss and let the heat in your body grow.
His lips yearningly caressed yours until he let go of you and raised his brows with an even wider grin that flashed over his lips as a small chuckle escaped your lips.
“I insist on it.”

the gif isn’t mine/ I found it on google so credit to the original owner)
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Negan Imagine ~ Hot & Cold

Prompt 153: “Put me down!”


“Negan, Put me down!”, you called half laughing, half serious as you felt Negan tightening the hold he had on you, keeping you securely thrown over his shoulder as he stumped into the cold water of the lake.

The splashes of the cool wet already began to hit your skin as you gripped into his skin and began to shake your hips and legs, trying to get out of his tight grab before he could get you both even deeper into the cold. 

“Nope, and this whole fucking wiggling won’t get you anything”, you heard Negan’s chuckling voice say, his throaty laugh booming through the air as he placed a quick slap on your ass.

“Come on, this isn’t fair”, you groaned with a small laugh just as you heard his rough chuckle again and even though you couldn’t see his face you knew that he had a giant smirk plastered all over it.

“Well, this is what makes it this fucking fun!”

With that he finally stopped, the water already reaching over his hips as you could feel its coldness beginning to dive through your skin and into your veins and then Negan’s arms suddenly left your body and let you sink into the water.

Within seconds the cool water surrounded you completely, leaving you for a short moment shocked before your feet found the ground and let you rush yourself back over the water again.

“You fucking asshole”, you laughed, stroking your hair back and rubbing your eyes to get your sight clear again as you felt Negan’s arms wrapping around you and pulling you against his warm and wet chest.

“Just did as you fuckin’ told me”, he said shrugging his shoulders and rising his brows innocently before you playfully shoved his firm chest.
Just as your fingers felt the short and wet dark curls that clung to his chest beneath them, you felt him pulling you closer until his warm skin was meeting yours in the cold water, their mix creating a familiar tingling in your body.

“Oh you’ll get that back”, you chuckled, seeing him grinning wider as his tongue ran slowly and teasingly over his lower lip and his intense and roguish glance darted right into your eyes.

He smirking leaned in until his lips could meet yours, their heat mixing blissfully with the coolness the chilly water had brought on yours before his voice vibrated wolfishly against your lips.

“Can’t fucking wait for that.”

(the gif isn’t mine/ I found it on google so credit to the original owner)
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Negan Imagine ~ Caught (pt.4)

As the Reader first wakes up after the accident, a beautiful confession, an unexpected visit and a tricky challenge already wait for her

part 1 part 2  part 3 (none of these have to be necessarily read to understand the plot of the following part)


A dull pain was running through your veins and pounded in your head as you first began to feel how the unconsciousness was slowly letting go of you and gradually loosened its grasp it had on your body and mind.
Your head felt like a complete clutter as it desperately tried to put the pieces of your memories together to finally solve the puzzle of what brought you into this darkness. 
As fast as a flash Negan’s face shot through your memory, his body towering over the stem of the tree that had blocked the road as you had been on your drive back to Alexandria.
Stuttering your mind could project the picture of him letting the ax in his hands rush down onto the wood.
The very next thing you could remember were the dead, their decomposing mouths that were wrenching hungrily open, their lifeless eyes darted at Negan as they stumbled out of the woods while the loudness of the storm didn’t let him notice the emerging danger.
And then, you could only see yourself jumping out of the car, screaming for him, before your eyes caught a branch that rushed through the air, propelled by the harsh wind and then, only pain and darkness.
There was only one more thing you could remember, that didn’t even withhold pictures, it were just voices, your Dad Rick’s among others and then this one familiar deep voice that said those three little words for the very first time to your seemingly unconscious self.
The pain and darkness you were still stuck in wouldn’t let you know if you had hallucinated all this, if your body had just tried to grasp for some happiness in its pain but right now, you couldn’t even think more about the thing that mattered the most to you as the consciousness began to force you to let your eyes flutter open.

Soft and exhausted groans rumbled through your dry throat and left your lips as the light that streamed brightly into the room dazzled you.
A gasp from somewhere next to you let you turn your aching head as your eyes began to slowly get used to the brightness before they looked right into familiar, hazel eyes.
”Hey, Baby”, you heard his deep and with relief-filled voice say as it washed some warmth into your hurting body.
”Hey”, your strained voice mumbled softly back, your eyes beginning to slowly wander over his face as you could feel his large hand wrapping a little tighter around yours.
He had dark circles under his eyes, the gel out of his hair long gone as it was simply and harshly brushed back while some of his short dark curls and hair strands peaked out while his eyes were exhausted but soft as they looked at you.
”Fuck…I’ve never been so goddamn glad to see you open those pretty eyes”, you heard him say as a relieved smile formed on his lips and his hand reached up to carefully cup your cheek.
”How are you feeling?”, he asked, his thumb beginning to softly stroke over your skin as he shifted slightly next to you.
”My heads just buzzing”, you mumbled, trying to give him a small smile to not have him worrying more than he obviously already did. 
”I’m so fucking sorry”, he mumbled as he harshly gulped, the smile vanishing from his face as his brows slightly puckered in distress.
”That wasn’t your fault,…it was just an accident”, you quietly said, already seeing in the way he looked at you and hearing by the way a small, scoffing and tight breath left his lips that he wasn’t done with this.
You knew the fears and regrets of his past and they were obviously just mixing with the present.
”Some accident I could’ve prevented if I’d just…if I’d just seen those fuckers”, he scoffed, his jaw clenching as his hand left your cheek and stroked over his beard stubble.
”You couldn’t, that storm was too loud…believe me when I say it wasn’t your fault”, you quietly mumbled, your voice still strained as he began to slowly nod his hand wandering back to you, up to your shoulder as his fingers traced over your skin the way he knew you liked it.

”I was so goddamn scared, I-”, he gulped, his eyes following the movements of his fingers before his jaw clenched again and he looked up into your eyes.
”And I should’ve said it before…I should’ve told you way earlier and not fucking wait again till it’s almost too late, I just-”, he gulped again, a small tingling creating in your body as you remembered your last memory that might come true in these moments.
Negan looked at you, obviously unknowing that your muddled mind had recognized his voice in your half unconsciousness while the muscles in his cheek twitched slightly before he finally raised his voice again.
”I love you”, he brought out, his voice and those words letting a rush of warmth and affection rush through you while his eyes didn’t let go of yours, ”Hell, I love you so fucking much.”
Uneasily and even nervous this big and strong man breathed out, the glance in his eyes revealing how much he was yearning for a response while your lips curled more up.
”I love you too”, you mumbled quietly but as firm as you could back, the nervousness falling from Negan’s face as soon as he heard your voice and the familiar smirk mixed into his growing smile.
He gulped slightly, a giant burden obviously and visibly falling from his shoulders as he leaned down until he could cage you between his arms and let your lips meet his.

He was more careful with his kiss than usual, as if part of him was still fearing to hurt you some more even though the hunger that was lingering in him seemed to motivate him to pull you gradually into a deeper kiss.

Smiling you could feel him slowly letting go of your lips, his forehead leaning for moments just like that against yours as before pecked your lips once again and the smile on his lips grew into the familiar, wolfish and provoking grin.
”But I mean, how could you not love me when my fucking dick’s the goddamn master of pounding orgasms in you”, he teasingly chuckled as you playfully shoved his chest as much as you could with your still weak hand.
”Oh and there’s the big mouth again”, you mumbled with another laugh against his lips and felt the relief still washing through him as a throaty chuckle rumbled through his throat.
“Some fucking lucky big mouth”, he said against your lips, grinning and genuinely smiling some more before he leaned right into another kiss while a content growl of his vibrated against your lips.

”You’re hungry? Craving something? Shit, I’ll get you any fucking thing you want”, Negan said as he sat himself up again, his hand still caressing your side slightly as he gave you another small grin, “I even found some warm up muffins, if you’re up for some sweet shit.”
“Sounds good”, you said with a small and soft chuckle, before the rumble it caused in your dry throat made you long for something else in these moments ,”But some water first will do just fine.”
”Shit, sure, Negan quickly said as he jumped up and walked towards one of the infirmary’s counters before he came only moments later with a water glass in his hands back.

Placing the water glass on the nightstand next to your bed you began to try to sit yourself up, your hands gripping the sheets as you first felt how weak the accident had left you.
”Come here”, Negan said as soon as your small strained and tight breaths sounded through to him.
He leaned down to you and carefully wrapped his arms around you to not hurt your still weak and hurt body.
As gentle as he could he lifted you a bit up until you could lean your back into the pillows, his arms staying a little longer around your body as he pressed a kiss onto the side of your neck, the familiar tickling his beard stubble sending a pleasant shiver through your body before he leaned back again.
”Alright, here you go”, Negan said as he grabbed the glass and slowly handed it over to you, his eyes darting at your slightly trembling hands before you securely grasped around it.
”Works that way?”, he asked as he watched you slowly bringing the glass to your lips, before you gave him a small nod and began to sip on the water.
Even though your hands were still trembling, the flowing coolness of the water that ran through your throat made up for it until you let the glass leave your lips again.
”Looks like someone was goddamn thirsty”, Negan chuckled and grinned as he winked slightly at you, before he grabbed the glass and placed it back on the nightstand.
”Thank you”, you mumbled after a chuckle had left your lips as well and you could see Negan beginning to stand up to get you some of the food he had promised.
”Carson’s here by the way, I’ll let him come over to you”, he said as soon as he stood back on his feet, the grin and smile those three words of yours had brought onto his lips were still sticking onto them as he leaned down to press another, now more hungry and longing kiss on your lips.
My girl”, he smirked as he backed away, his tongue running over his lower lip as he stroke one last time over your cheek before he made his way outside the infirmary.

Carson did came in, changed the big bandaid on your temple and checked if you were alright next to the obvious injuries.
With every moment the tension of the accident and the unconsciousness from before seemed to wash some more out of your body, you still had aching muscles and a pounding head, but at least you felt better since you had waken up.

Slightly shifting you laid a little deeper into the pillows, searching for some more comfort for your body until you heard some footsteps coming closer towards the door of your room in the infirmary.
”Negan?”, you quietly asked, your voice still slightly strained as your glance darted to the door, waiting for him to walk right through it.
But instead of Negan’s large and long shadow that drew across the floor as the door opened, a smaller one dragged itself through the sunlight before your eyes caught the man who had accidentally caught and revealed your relationship with Negan in the first place.

”Dad…”, you quietly mumbled, almost gasped as you saw him walking slowly into the room, his eyes darting at you as his jaw slightly clenched and you remembered within seconds the more disastrous last encounter you’ve had with him.
Feeling how you tensed some more up and waiting for what he was about to do your glance wandered over him, seeing how he reluctantly walked some more closer until he stood at the edge of the bed.
”Couldn’t really get to you alone before…he was here 24/7…I uh…”, he gulped and hemmed and hawed, his hand running through the brunette curls as his glance darted at the floor instead of you.
”How are you feeling?”, he finally asked as his glance wandered slowly up to you again, the tension still uncomfortably palpable, even though a small bit of relief sneaked into your body just by the thought that he was at least visiting you.
After all and after what had happened between you, you wouldn’t have placed a bet on it.
”My head’s still buzzing but it’s okay”, you said, trying to give him a small, hopeful smile as you could see him shuffling uneasily over the wooden floor while you knew that now that he was here, you had to take some chances.
”Dad, I-”, you began only to get cut off as he hastily raised his voice again.
”Just get better, alright?”, he asked, his jaw clenching again as he gulped and looked back at you, an odd mix of uneasiness, tension but also a tiny bit hope in his eyes.
”Can we please figure this out? Please, Dad”, you asked, feeling how the tension send a shiver through your body as he deeply sighed, his eyes still glancing at you and just as he began to slowly and reluctantly nod, you heard a familiar pair of heavy footsteps coming closer.

Within seconds Negan stood in the doorway, a plate with some warmed up muffins in his hand while his eyes were fixed on your Dad just like your Dad’s were now darting at Negan.
A whole different kind of tension laid in the room, the two men staring at each other before Negan began to walk into the room, his jaw clenching slightly as your mind grasped the moment your more unconscious than conscious self had heard their voices arguing.
So much had happened in this small amount of time, so much that made them despise each other even more and the very only reason they weren’t trying to strangle the other one right now was only you in this sick-bed.
Your dad was standing a little longer right on the spot, as if he was trying to show Negan that if he was leaving now, he hadn’t made him do it.
”I’ll come in again some time”, he just mumbled, his glance wandering over you for not more than a second before he made his way quickly out of the room and the infirmary.

”What did he do?”, Negan asked still tensed as he sat the still warm muffins onto the nightstand, their deliciously sweet scent filling the room as you could see the way Negan’s glance darted towards the door your Dad had vanished through, then back at you.
”Asked how I was feeling”, you said, trying to soothe a bit of his tension that was revealing that he still thought your Dad might lash out again.
”Maybe this damn accident has at least some kind of advantage”, you mumbled, gulping slightly as you still saw Negan tensing ,“I know that sounds absurd, but if that at least makes him talk to me…”
”Last time he did, he fucking-”, Negan growled, his glance fixed at the door as you could see his protectiveness over you showing up again as your last encounter popped up in his head.
”I know, but if this works…things will get easier and then this whole situation will get better. For us too”, you mumbled as your still weak hand slowly reached up to his and laced around it, still trying to finally rip him away from the tension that was still filling him up.
Negan’s glance wandered over to you, his eyes softening as they met yours before he let himself fall next to you.
Slowly nodding he still looked at you, wrapping his large hand tighter around yours as the hope that was displaying in your eyes seemed to force him to take his protectiveness a little on the leash in order to give this hope and the slight relief you had grasped the support they needed right now.

With each moment the tension washed some more out of both of your bodies as you finally got to eat the muffins that were even more delicious than they smelled, all while Negan continued his tries to make you laugh and feel a little lighthearted, that got more and more successful with each minute.

Negan began to carry some magazines and other stuff in to give you a little entertainment in the plain infirmary room and to keep on distracting you from the problems that were waiting outside this house.
So as the sun was already beginning to settle, its light turned into the warm state that filled the whole room with this specific warmth you found Negan sitting, half laying on a chair next to the bed, his long legs hooked carefully over yours while he browsed through one of the magazines he had grabbed from the pile on the nightstand, searching for something he could entertain you with.
With a small chuckle you watched him, your glance stuck to the way he furrowed his brows, cursed here and there and slightly grimaced in confusion as he looked at the sides in front of him until he glanced with a grin up.

”Wanna make a test where to travel next?”, he asked as shifted slightly on the chair to get a little more comfortable.
”Yeah, alright. Go on”, you said with a small chuckle as you could already see in the wolfish and roguish glance in his eyes that there were already some remarks and ideas buzzing in his head you would soon enough know about.
”Alright first question”, he said after he cleared his throat, gave you another big smirk and glanced then away from you and onto the sides in front of him,”Where do you like to have my fucking hot cum best? a) Dripping all over your great ass b) buried deep fucking inside ya c) running down your sweet throat d) over your whole fucking stomach and-”
With that he looked grinning up at you, wiggling his eyebrows suggestively and just as he raised his voice again you raised yours as well with a chuckle.
”That is not the question that stands there on the page”, you teased with another chuckle as you nudged your knee a little up against his leg while a throaty chuckle rumbled through his chest.
”You’re still gonna answer?”, he asked, running his tongue slowly over his lips as he perked his brows up.
”After you’ve told me the real one”, you said with a grin before you raised your voice again ,”Anyway, maybe you’ve already named it…maybe not. But I’m pretty sure you know my answer either way.”
With another chuckle you looked at him, just as he bit his lip and slowly and knowingly nodded, before he sunk back into the chair and went on with the test and its real questions…at least mostly.

”Alright, you got Bora Bora…which has some nice ass beaches to fuck on…”, he chuckled as he looked up again and gave you a big grin.
”You’re unbelievable you know that?”, you chuckled, nudging his leg once again as his throaty chuckle rumbled up his throat once again.
”Oh I sure do”, he chuckled, biting his lower lip as he raised his brows, swung his legs off yours and stood up.
”And I can now fucking officially say that you”, he chuckled as he pointed at you,”love me for that.”
Smirking he leaned down, pressing a kiss onto your lips that were still pulled up into the mix of a grin and a smile.
”True?”, he mumbled against your lips as his hand cupped your jaw.

”Don’t you need to go back to the Sanctuary?”, you asked hours later as the night had already set in for a good while, only the faint but warm light of the nightstand’s lamp filled a little part of the room
”No, and don’t let that be your concern. You gotta concentrate on recovering and just that”, Negan said as he sat on the chair again, leaning forwards so he could lean against the bed while his voice was firm and his eyes filled with concern.
You gulped slightly as you looked at him, knowing that he had hundreds of people back there who would begin to ask questions if their leader was constantly at another community.
”Baby, I won’t leave till you’re completely fine again, no matter fucking what”, he said after he had seen the glance in your eyes, his voice still firm as if he felt like he had to persuade you.
”I can give them orders from here, Simon seems to be doing a good job right now so everything’s peachy”, he added, his eyes still darting at you, ”I’ll stay.”
”Okay”, you quietly mumbled with a small nod, a small yawn making its way up your throat as the exhaustion was slowly sneaking up in you again.
”Looks like someone’s fucking sleepy, huh?”, he asked as he let out a small chuckle, his fingers fumbling on the sheets that were hugging your legs before you gave him another nod and sunk a little deeper into the pillows.
”Can you come here?”, you quietly asked, longing for his warmth as the small grin still lingered on his lips.
”Fuck, sure. You want me to loose you a little up?”, he joked as he stood with another chuckle up from his chair.
”Nah, not this time”, you said with laugh before your voice turned softer, ”Can we cuddle?”
”Holy hell, of course we can”, Negan said as his glance turned a little softer as well, a smile mixing into his wolfish and roguish signature grin.
You shifted a little to the side, trying to give him some more space before he sat down next to you and swung his long legs into the bed, shifting a little to make it comfortable for the both of you.
Tucking himself along with you in, he wrapped his arms around you, one arm holding you tightly, the other reaching up to let his fingers trace over your arms the way he knew it would comfort you.
”Just try to relax”, he mumbled as you leaned your head against his warm chest and let its soothing rhythm of falling and rising dandle you softly.
“You too”, you mumbled, still sensing the tension this whole accident was causing to him, especially as it whirled up old, painful memories.
You could hear the small exhaling sound of his as his lips seemed to curl a little up before he pulled you a bit more into his embrace.
“Try my best”, he mumbled as the caressing movement of his fingers continued, ”And just as I said, tomorrow morning when you wake up, I’ll still have my ass right by your damn side.”
Smiling you nuzzled your face a little deeper into his chest, the overwhelming feeling of comfort and simply the greatest confession you could think of
from this morning trumping the aching of your muscles and the still slight pounding of your head.
”I love you, Negan”, you mumbled into his white shirt, your smile growing a little wider as you realized once again that you were actually saying these words to him.
And it grew just wider as you heard him rising his already drowsy voice again.
”I fucking love you too, Sweetheart.”

The days began to pass and with each of these days, each hour of them, you began to recover quicker than you thought.
Maybe it was Negan who really did as he had told you and stayed by your side, helped you get back on your feet, even helped you shower and do the simplest things when you were still too shaky on your weak legs and who kept you distracted from any problems and issues that were lingering outside this house, just like the glares of the people.
He was visibly beginning to feel better as well, the very first and second night had still left him mostly sleepless until he saw you beginning to successfully become stronger again and with that, the dark rings under his eyes began to vanish and the grin sneaked even more often onto his lips.
For once, your Dad came in again with Judith who proudly carried her self drawn “Get well soon”- picture in her hands that let your hope a little more grow  that you might have a chance to properly talk to them without ending up in a complete mess like it had been the last time.
He and Judith were the only ones who came in, next to Michonne who had joined them for a few small minutes.
It was just once but it was better than you had expected, especially because their reluctance seemed to be based as well on the urge to just not meet Negan.
But with that, there also was one person left you just needed to talk to and who you hadn’t even seen since your Dad had caught you with Negan.
All your Dad had told you was that he had waited for you to wake up until he left for a run, probably to leave the whole situation for a while and to get his head clear once for all, but earlier or later he would come back and you would have to face whatever would wait for you.

Standing in the middle of the room you fumbled nervously on a loose threat of your pants, your legs still a tiny bit wobbly as you knew that you couldn’t wait any longer.
Carl was back just for a few hours now and you had to talk to him, you had to get this over with and you couldn’t hide from it even though every cell in your body screamed and begged you to.
”Are you sure you wanna do this? Now?”, you heard Negan ask as he walked towards you, a questioning, even concerned, glance in his eyes as he wrapped his arms around your waist and pulled you a little closer. 
”Yeah”, you mumbled with a nod, harshly gulping as your glance met his ,”If I wait some longer who knows if he’s taking off again to the Hilltop or even another run…and I just want to get that behind myself.”
Negan nodded slightly, but there was still some doubt in his eyes that mixed with the worry you had seen especially after you had woken up.
”Earlier or later I gotta do it anyway”, you added, tensed but firm as you watched Negan nodding again, a sigh leaving his lips as he had to see that you were right after all.
”Alright”, he eventually mumbled,”How’s your head?”
”Still pounding a little from time to time but its alright”, you said, letting a small smile press into the corners of your lips as you saw Negan’s familiar grin flashing over his face, mixed up with the one he had when he was trying to uplift you or distract you with some laughs.
”Well shit, hope that asshole fucks off then”, he said, leaning a little close in as he let his tongue slide over his lower lip,”After all, I’m the only one who’s allowed to pound you.”
”Oh my”, you chuckled, shoving his chest slightly as the sound of your laugh let a triumphant smirk plaster over Negan’s face.
Leaning a bit up you let your lips caress over his, knowing that he was beside these jokes still  as tensed as you, if not more, about what you were about to approach.
”Be careful, alright?”, you heard him mumble against his lips, as exactly this tension flashed up again.
”I’ll be.”

Every step felt harder as you made your way down the street while the place that had been your idyllic home for so long now gave you the worst kinds of feelings.
You forced your mind to remember the first few moments this morning as you had woken up in Negan’s arms, the first few moments where there were no memories of the recent events in your head and all you felt were Negan’s lips that had placed feathery kisses over your neck and face until they captured you lips and the memories began to wash back into your mind.
You kept walking, trying to blend out everything around you until you stood in front of the porch and slowly made your way up the stairs.

The handle of the door felt like burning iron in your hands as you pushed it down and opened the door, your glance immediately shooting inside just to find the kitchen and living room empty.
A small bit of relief washed over you and even though you hoped to find Carl in the house, you were still glad about every bit of time you got more to prepare yourself.

You began to make your way through the house, the tension in your body urging you to just keep searching for him instead for calling out his name.
But instead of finding any signs of Carl, you heard Judith’s soft giggles coming out of her room, the door standing just a small gap open as you made a view steps towards it and slowly opened the door.
“Hey, Sweetie”, you mumbled as soon as her eyes darted at you, a bright smile on her lips as she fumbled on the wooden toy food in her hands, small pans and cups sprawled out around her.
“Hello”, she just mumbled back, a small warmth growing in you as you saw her looking at you just the way she had looked at you before all this.
“You’ll play with me?”, she quietly asked as she rose up one of the toy cups and smiled at you.
“Sure”, you said back, welcoming the distraction that let you procrastinate this awful situation some more as you already walked towards her and sat yourself down  next to the toys on the fuzzy carpet.

Your head was still slightly buzzing, but not only because of your injury, also because of what would happen in the near, almost within your grasp, future, especially regarding  Carl.
Earlier or later he would step back into the house and you would have to handle whatever would be thrown your way, whatever he wanted to know and maybe, if he was after the accident willing to do so, find a way into something better than this tension filled uncomfortableness. 

“Eat”, you heard Judith giggle as she ripped you out of your thoughts and pointed with her small fingers at the multiple wooden food she had laid into your hands and lap while you had been somewhere else with your head.
“Oh of course”, you laughed, taking a tiny pancake as you pretended to eat it as if it was the most delicious thing in the whole wide world only to hear more of her giggles.
More laughs left your lips as you saw her plunging more ‘food’ for you to eat in your lap before the soft squeaking of the door made your glance snap up.

Carl’s eyes stared down at you, a cold shiver running up and down your spine as he caught your glance, Judith’s favorite stuffed elephant in his hands that was judging from its unusual fluffiness freshly washed and just out of the dryer.
“We should talk”, he mumbled, as you got on your feet and nodded quietly.
He was filled with tension and his glance was stern, but right now you were glad that he hadn’t turned right on his heels and walked away as soon as he had seen you.
Quickly, Carl placed the elephant next to Judith while her attention darted from her wooden food directly to her favorite stuffed animal before Carl strolled back to the door as she looked one last time up at you.
“Bye bye”, Judith mumbled as she waved her hand towards the both of you, a smile on her lips as you slipped out of the room and saw her beginning to play with her elephant.

The walk down the stairs was quiet and filled with the kind of tension that pressed all air out of your lungs and left you strained until you finally got into the kitchen.
Carl was oddly calm when he let himself fall on one of the chairs at the dinner table and even as you sat down as well you still expected him to yell or at least growl at you.
”How are you?”, he asked, calm even a little concerned as his glance wandered over you and got for a short moment stuck on the wound on your temple.
”Alright, I’m as good as the old one again, just some some stuff here and there”, you said with a small smile, trying to shake off the tension just before Carl’s slightly reserved nod made some of it wash right back in.
“I want you to answer my questions, all of them”, Carl finally spoke up, a firm tone in his voice while you began to nod.

“Does he treat you well?”
“What?”, you asked, your brows perking up in confusion as you heard him ask the question you had least expected him to ask.
You had expected a biting “How could you?”, “What did you even think?”, even an “Aren’t you ashamed?”.
All that but not this question.
“Is he good to you?”, Carl repeated himself, his glance still darting at you.
“Yes…yes, he really is”, you brought out, trying to tell from the way Carl was looking at you what was going on in him but instead of giving you any chance to analyze him, he continued with the next question.
“Daryl coming back, the lowered amount of food and medicine he’s taking…was that you?”, he asked, shifting slightly on his chair  before you gave him a nod, your glance falling onto your hands which nervously sweating palms were pressed onto the fabric of your pants.
“Yeah”, you added, looking up at him again, trying to show him that you were honest and oppositely to what Tara and Daryl were thinking, you weren’t trying to harm them in any way.
Carl nodded quietly, his calm and sorted behavior showing in these moments how much he must have used the time on the run to cool off, just like it showed even more how grown up your little halfbrother already was.
You could still remember him threatening Negan in the infirmary and now, now he was the one talking to you in the most settled manner about something that was letting most of the others fall into a deep rage.

“Would you’ve kept pretending you had nothing going on with him if Dad wouldnt have found out…?”, you heard him ask as you uneasily gulped, knowing that what you were about to say wouldn’t please him much.
“Yes…I know it’s not right, of course not…I just didn’t know how to handle it all…I just wanted to have both”, you mumbled, feeling the tension rising before you rose your voice again, “I was scared to lose one of you or even both if you’d find out.”
Carl quietly nodded, the tension that had been there before was laying once again over him and something in you hoped that he would be able to understand you at least a tiny bit.
“You love him?”, you heard him finally bring out, the tone in his voice sounding as if it disturbed him to ask you that question, especially because he already seemed to know the answer.
“Yes…”, you said, your glance meeting Carl’s again but before you could see his reaction to what you had just confirmed, a loud shot sounded through the air that let your body flinch up, let your head turn around and let the blood in your veins freeze as your glance snapped outside.
Then, another shot.

(the gif isn’t mine/I found it on google/credit to the original owner)
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