Category: twd 8×11

thewalkingdead-imagines:

An imagine about the 11th episode of season 8

While the war continues and Gabriel’s on his way back to the Sanctuary, Negan finally opens up to the reader.

the last part /all other previous parts
(You don’t have to read any previous parts to understand the plot! Hope you all like it and enjoy reading)

image

The hallways of the Sanctuary were faintly enlightened as you made your way side by side with Negan through them, tension filling you up by the thought that he was about give you an explanation why he had left after kissing you and why he had acted like a goddamn jerk later on.
This tension got accompanied by another strained feeling, produced by what you had heard about the escape of Carson and your friend Gabriel as you had followed Negan through the hallway.

And then you sat in the apartment, the moment you had waited for became real as you sat down on the leather couch and watched how Negan let himself fall onto the armchair towards it. 
His glance was fixed onto the end of Lucille’s handle as he held her in between his legs and rolled her end uneasily over the carpet, a deep sigh leaving his lips as he ran one hand over is face, trying to find a beginning.
”I guess I got a special fucking talent for fucking things up that matter the most to me…”, he mumbled, a nervous and humorless chuckle leaving his lips as his words sent a shiver through your body.
He gulped harshly, his glance still casted to the ground as he took a deep breath.
You knew exactly that this was hard for him, talking about his own feelings especially when they made him vulnerable, but right now you couldn’t have consideration for that.
Deliberately or not, he hadn’t done that with you too in that truck, even though this was by far not the reason.
You simply needed to know, you finally needed to get an answer to the “Why?” that was spooking through your head for already way too long.
“I panicked, fuck…I know that’s no damn excuse”, he mumbled, his eyes meeting yours for a moment before he clenched his jaw and breathed stressfully out. 
“I would’ve been the last person to not understand if you would’ve told me you needed some time for yourself to get sorted, …I know how that feels”, you mumbled, not to directly reproach him with it but rather to show him that  you weren’t mad at him for panicking but for what he had done.
“I know, I just-”, he said, stopping as the words seemed to be stuck in his throat again.
A moment of silence followed as he stared into the emptiness, his lips pressed tightly on one another as he heavily gulped.
“You make me feel shit again and that…”, he began, uneasiness in his voice before he took another deep and heavy breath, “It fucking terrifies me.”
You weren’t even looking directly in his eyes but right there, right in these moments there was nothing of the big bad wolf left in his glance, in it he was just a man at one of his most vulnerable points.
The words echoed through your head, stirring up something in you and creating   tiny bit of that familiar warmth in your body.
“I didn’t have that since Lucille and I-”, Negan said his body tension up as he shifted uncomfortably on the armchair while that feeling in you increased as he opened more up to you.
“In that damn truck,…it all got so real, I couldn’t see past shit anymore and that crap battered my ass down… and it hit the fucking panic button. I just…I didn’t know what to do”, he said as he gulped harshly, his brows puckering as he tried to keep himself sorted.
“I’ve already screwed once marriage up and now,…fuck”, he scoffed, running a hand over his face as his voice broke, the desperation in it so real that it send shivers through your bones that just got stronger as he finally looked directly into your eyes.

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thewalkingdead-imagines:

The first part of an imagine about the 11th episode of season 8

The reader’s first talk with Negan after their fight and after she has found out about Carl’s death, turns out different than she thought…

the last part / all other previous parts
(You don’t have to read any previous parts to understand the plot! Hope you all like it and enjoy reading)

image

Cold sweat damped your clothes as your eyes snapped open, your body pressed deeply into the pillows as the nightmare that had enclosed you till now was leaving an ugly tension in your shaking body.
After a long break without them, the nightmares were back again and after the past night, it would’ve been a small wonder if they hadn’t returned.
This time Negan’s arms weren’t wrapped around you, comforting you and pulling you into his chest to cradle you softly.
No, this time the only thing surrounding you were the dark sheets and the several pillows of Negan’s bed.
Your ribcage was still harshly rising and falling as you looked down at yourself, finding your body still covered in the clothes of last night and with that, all the memories were back.
Carl was dead.
That boy you had known since the beginning of this all was dead and a part of you was still in refusal to believe it but the more memories of the past night popped up in your mind the harder it was to deny that he was never going to come back.
On top of that, your mind began to circle around Negan again, the man who had first roiling fled after kissing you, had treated you painfully repellant and had then acted all concerned and caring after seeing what the loss of Carl did to you. 
You scoffed by the thought of him while the confusion about the changes of his behavior were taking up a good part of you.
You let yourself sink deeper into the pillows, even though trying to fall asleep again was no option, the nightmare was still stuck in your bones and you could really relinquish on a direct repetition of its torture. 

For minutes you just laid in the bed, staring at the ceiling while trying to keep your thoughts out of your head before peeling yourself out of the sheets.
Your feet hit the wooden floor before you heft yourself up and immediately felt how the way you had treated your body over the last day punished you now.
You hadn’t eaten anything, had drunk maybe a few gulps of water and the remains of the hourlong crying were still stuck in your body, even though you felt in comparison to yesterday at least a bit well rested.
Dizziness was filling your body as you made your way over to the wardrobe to pull out some new clothes while you tried your best to ignore Negan’s stuff and his scent that was surrounding them.
As quickly as your still wobbly legs allowed you shuffled towards the bathroom, trying to get ready for a day that was hopefully better than the last.

Freshly showered you sat on the edge of the bed, the hot shower had, of course, made the dizziness not better but now that you had taken a small break, had sorted yourself back, your body seemed to be willing to work with you at least for now.
Your glance roamed over the room, trying to find something to eat to keep the dizziness banned but much to your annoyance, you found nothing.
With a sigh you got back up again, the feeling of hunger spreading further out in your body as you grabbed the handle of the heavy wooden door.
Slowly, you opened it, your glance wandering quickly into the hallway as you quietly prayed to not come across Negan as soon as you would leave the apartment.
This time, luck seemed to be on your side as you made your way outside, strolled along the familiar hallway until you got to your first destination.

With a small strained breath you stemmed the heavy metal door open, just before you stepped into the faintly enlightened stairwell.
Your footsteps sounded dull through the air as you made your way down the stairs, passing another floor as your thoughts began to whirl around Negan just as you felt yourself missing one of the stair threads.
Faster than you could think you found yourself falling, your body sliding down a few steps until you fell with a dull thud on the cold cement floor of the next platform.
“Fuck!”, you cursed as a stinging pain shoot through your hip and ankle, your voice echoing through the staircase as you grew annoyed of yourself.
Your hand slid quickly to your ankle, your fingers massaging it for a short moment before you heft yourself up.
A small huff left your lips as you looked down to your feet, before the tension first left your body a bit as the pain slid gradually out of your body.
“Holy hell, are you alright?”, you suddenly heard a familiar, deep and raspy voice say from the beginning of the stairs, a weird feeling spreading out in your whole body by the simple sound of him.
“Yeah, I’m fine”, you mumbled stroking over your clothes for a moment before an urge in you forced you to look up to him.
There he was, his tall frame standing right at the stairs’ railing, while you could still see in the faint light how his glance was glued on you, some pain, even insecurity flickering in his eyes.
He slowly nodded, a hard gulp traveling down his throat as you felt a tension and tremble filled breath leaving your lips while your mind tried to figure out how to handle whatever would happen now as your glance went to the floor.
“He wrote you a letter”, you suddenly heard Negan’s voice add, the stress in it clearly audible as your gaze shot up again as he rose his voice, “Carl,..he wrote letters.”
“I just…I thought you needed to know”, he said, his palm running uneasily over his beard stubble as his jaw clenched and a rush of coldness and heat washed through your body, several new question popping up in your mind as you took a heavy breath while the curiosity trumped your urge to leave.
“Do you know what stood in them?…in mine?”, you asked, the tension between the both of you was filling up the whole staircase while a shiver went up and down your spine.
“Rick just told me about his and mine…Carl, hell, he wants us to fucking stop, make peace”, you heard him say, the turmoil still clearly audible in his voice.
Something in you was still surprised, even after you had witnessed what Carl had said at the gates and with that, a question forced itself out of your lips.
“Would you?”
“I gave you a promise, right?”, he said, some warmth beginning to grow in your body as you remembered the promise to try to find a way out, even consider it if a solution came from the other side.
“But fuck, it doesn’t work that way, Rick wants to plug along and kill my ass, so this shit keeps stirring”, Negan grumbled, his jaw clenching  once again as his glance stayed glued on you.
“(Y/N), I-”, he began, just as he got cut off by the sound of the opening door behind him and two voices that immediately let the tiny warmth that had still stuck in your body vanish.
“Negan?”, the brunette asked, her hand finding Negan’s arm before it slid over his shoulder as you already saw the other, red-haired woman sneak to his other side, Negan’s glance leaving you for the first time.
“So what now?”, she asked breathy as your breath seemingly stopped for a moment, your pulse pounded in your ear as your mind began to process the scene that was playing at the beginning of the stairs and even more, what that meant.
Some more nausea washed over you as you realized that the floor you had passed before falling, the floor at which’s entrance Negan was standing right now was the one of his wives.
He had been with those two women who were now like glued to his side.
He had been there, had probably even spent the rest damn night there and that fucker still had the nerve to talk to you, to even tell you about Carl.

You found yourself rushing down the stairs, an urge in you propelling you to keep moving and just try to bring as much distance between yourself and Negan, even though you already felt the dizziness from before coming back.
You should have just walked away, you told yourself, just walked away before he could begin a conversation with you.
You were all fucked over again, Carl’s letter whirling as a painful addition through your mind as you first noticed the tears that were burning in your eyes.
You had no idea where to go, the only thing your mind could grasp was the kitchen while you felt the increasing tightening of your ribcage, pressing all the air out of your lungs.
Why?
That was the question which spooked through your mind, combined with a thousand of different additions that just created more and more pain in your body.

 Minutes later you found yourself rushing into the thankfully empty kitchen, the times your glance got blurry increased before you clawed your fingertips into the kitchen’s counter, trying to keep yourself steady on your legs and trying to get the thought of Negan with those women out of your head.
You bit your lip, trying to hold back the tears that were urging for their release.
You didn’t want shed a single tear for him, he didn’t deserve any of them and still, the first tear rolled over your cheek.
You flinched as you heard the kitchen-door opening further behind you, your hand flipping up to quickly wipe the tear off your skin.
“Here are you”, you heard the voice of the man say you wanted to see the least in these moments.

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Photo

wicked-chocolatine:

Negan in 8.11
        « Ah, you see how Lucille is getting to know our beautiful, cold friend here? That’s it. Look at that.
No more smashing and bashing.
With this.. Well, this, it can just be a touch.
Or a big, wet kiss.
Either way, this gets you full membership, and that’s what we want.
We want people to join the club.
Hilltop is gonna learn to toe the line one way or another, dead or alive
Or some kinda shit in between. »

An imagine about the 11th episode of season 8

While the war continues and Gabriel’s on his way back to the Sanctuary, Negan finally opens up to the reader.

the last part /all other previous parts
(You don’t have to read any previous parts to understand the plot! Hope you all like it and enjoy reading)

image

The hallways of the Sanctuary were faintly enlightened as you made your way side by side with Negan through them, tension filling you up by the thought that he was about give you an explanation why he had left after kissing you and why he had acted like a goddamn jerk later on.
This tension got accompanied by another strained feeling, produced by what you had heard about the escape of Carson and your friend Gabriel as you had followed Negan through the hallway.

And then you sat in the apartment, the moment you had waited for became real as you sat down on the leather couch and watched how Negan let himself fall onto the armchair towards it. 
His glance was fixed onto the end of Lucille’s handle as he held her in between his legs and rolled her end uneasily over the carpet, a deep sigh leaving his lips as he ran one hand over is face, trying to find a beginning.
”I guess I got a special fucking talent for fucking things up that matter the most to me…”, he mumbled, a nervous and humorless chuckle leaving his lips as his words sent a shiver through your body.
He gulped harshly, his glance still casted to the ground as he took a deep breath.
You knew exactly that this was hard for him, talking about his own feelings especially when they made him vulnerable, but right now you couldn’t have consideration for that.
Deliberately or not, he hadn’t done that with you too in that truck, even though this was by far not the reason.
You simply needed to know, you finally needed to get an answer to the “Why?” that was spooking through your head for already way too long.
“I panicked, fuck…I know that’s no damn excuse”, he mumbled, his eyes meeting yours for a moment before he clenched his jaw and breathed stressfully out. 
“I would’ve been the last person to not understand if you would’ve told me you needed some time for yourself to get sorted, …I know how that feels”, you mumbled, not to directly reproach him with it but rather to show him that  you weren’t mad at him for panicking but for what he had done.
“I know, I just-”, he said, stopping as the words seemed to be stuck in his throat again.
A moment of silence followed as he stared into the emptiness, his lips pressed tightly on one another as he heavily gulped.
“You make me feel shit again and that…”, he began, uneasiness in his voice before he took another deep and heavy breath, “It fucking terrifies me.”
You weren’t even looking directly in his eyes but right there, right in these moments there was nothing of the big bad wolf left in his glance, in it he was just a man at one of his most vulnerable points.
The words echoed through your head, stirring up something in you and creating   tiny bit of that familiar warmth in your body.
“I didn’t have that since Lucille and I-”, Negan said his body tension up as he shifted uncomfortably on the armchair while that feeling in you increased as he opened more up to you.
“In that damn truck,…it all got so real, I couldn’t see past shit anymore and that crap battered my ass down… and it hit the fucking panic button. I just…I didn’t know what to do”, he said as he gulped harshly, his brows puckering as he tried to keep himself sorted.
“I’ve already screwed once marriage up and now,…fuck”, he scoffed, running a hand over his face as his voice broke, the desperation in it so real that it send shivers through your bones that just got stronger as he finally looked directly into your eyes.

“I’m sorry”, he said, honesty and genuineness filing his voice and the glance that was capturing you displaying the whole mess of emotions that were rushing through him.
And you believed him.
It wasn’t the “I’m sorry” in the end that made the forgiveness in you grow, it was the trust he was giving you in those moments, something about the way he opened up that was so raw and vulnerable, which showed you how much whatever you both had was worth to him and how deep it already was.
“I better go now, huh?”, Negan suddenly said uneasily, a harsh gulp going down his throat as he lifted himself up from his seat, his glance leaving you now completely while he made his way towards the door as something in you snapped.
“No, don’t”, left your lips as you felt the urge to have him stay with you, just as your words made Negan stop and let him turn back around to you.
You found yourself back on your feet, slowly walking towards him, the tension in you rising before you stood in front of him, close enough to touch him, even kiss him.
“Stay”, you mumbled, a tension filled breath leaving your lips until you looked up at Negan and meet his glance again, filled with mix of surprise and utter relief.
“I’m so fucking sorry”, he quietly said, his eyes not leaving yours while his hand slowly, almost cautiously wandered up till his fingers meet the still bruised skin of your neck, his touch so light that it seemed like he wanted to find out how close you let him.
“I know”, you said just as quiet and softly back, his touch stirring your emotions even more up as you felt his thumb gently stroking over your skin while it got once again clear to you how badly you had missed his closeness.
“And I’m sorry about Carl too. I know how much you liked him…fuck, that kid was the future”, Negan said, his jaw clenching slightly as a sigh left his lips.
“And he was right, this has to stop”, you muttered back, your glance staying on Negan to see his reaction, just as he bit his lip and let out a deeper sigh.
“Well but Rick doesn’t want to stop till he makes me kick the bucket. Hell, that’s the reason why Eugene’s in that damn machine shop”, he said, his voice rising again as he saw the way your glance filled back up with tension.
“It’s the very last solution. It doesn’t have to come that far…hell, I don’t want it to come that far, but I gotta be prepared”, he added, the muscles in his cheek twitching uneasily as you nodded, a small sigh leaving your lips as you just hoped that this last solution wouldn’t ever be needed.

And just as you looked back into his eyes, the walkie that was clipped into his belt crackled and brought out a male voice.
Sir? Got some good and bad news. Good one: Derek’s group got the priest but the bad…Carson’s dead. Anyway, they’re about to arrive at B in 20
“Fuck”, left Negan’s lips immediately as he tensed up again.
“Take it”, you mumbled as you saw his unsure glance before he grabbed the walkie with a small scoff.
“The priest still working? That fever and whatever the hell those fucker guts did to him haven’t chewn his ass up yet?”, he asked, his other hand leaving your neck as he stroked stressed over his beard stubble.
Something’s wrong with his eyes, Sir”, the voice said back as the concern about your friend grew again.
“What do you mean somethings wrong with his fucking eyes?”, Negan asked back, his brows puckering in confusion.
Mel said they’re blood rimmed. Guess the infection fucked his eyesight up, apparently he can see just the bare minimum”, the man answered, letting the tension in you rise at the thought what torture Gabriel must be going through.
“You’re at the gates, right?”, Negan asked, his fingers picking the bridge of his nose as he sighed deeply.
Yes, Sir.
“Tell them to send to come to the meeting room. With the priest”, Negan said, before he tucked the walkie back into his belt and let his glance meet yours again.
“You wanna come with me there, right?”
“Right.”

Minutes later you found yourself walking into the meeting room, bright light falling through the big windows as Negan made his way towards one end of the table.
You followed him, letting yourself fall onto the chair next to him as he stretched his long legs out and placed Lucille on the already heavily damaged surface of the wooden table.
“What are you gonna do with him now?”, you asked, gulping slightly as you really didn’t want to have the peace between the both of you destroyed again.
“If he’s cooperating, tells me how the fuck he got out…guess I’ll just send him to our mullet friend and give him some work to do”, Negan said, his hand running over his jaw as he watched you closely while a sigh left your lips.
“He’s sick, he’ll just get worse there”, you said, uneasily shifting on the chair as Negan let out a deep sigh.
“And I can’t just let that slip. I can’t. I still got a reputation to fucking uphold”, he replied, trying to justify what he was planning as his glance told you that he didn’t want to lose what you both had just gotten back.
You knew there had to be punishment, you got what Negan had to do to keep his leading role up but there needed to be a way that didn’t result in Gabriel being directly taken from the sanctuary to this machine shop.
“Then at least send him later there. If he had a little break, he’ll work better. It’s just logical, no one of your Saviors gonna be able to deny that”, you said, your glance staying on Negan to see his reaction as you saw him beginning to ponder.
“I’ll take care of him for so long”, you added, hoping this would persuade him some more and as he nodded you knew, that he was in the end, just doing this for you.
“But tomorrow morning, I’ll send them there, no matter fucking what”, he said as he sat himself a bit more up, his glance softening a bit again as he heard your voice.
“Okay.”
And with that, you already heard a bunch of footsteps approaching, before a knock eventually echoed through the room.
“Come in”, you heard Negan’s deep voice say, his glance darting just like yours at the door before it swung open and revealed two Saviors and Gabriel in between the both of them.
He looked horrible, sweat was glistening on his skin, dampening his shirt while his eyes were just as blooded rimmed as the Savior from earlier had described it.
His eyes seemed to try to find something in the room and as his brows puckered slightly while his head was turned towards the both of you, you knew that he had seen you next to Negan.
The woman pressed Gabriel down onto the chair at the other end of the table as the man went up to the both of you, rummaging in his bag before he placed a bottle with tablets onto the table.
“Had that with him”, he said as Negan’s brows perked interested up ,“But he didn’t steal it, they’re not ours, guess he found that in at the cabin where we scooped him up.”
With a nod and a swift finger gesture Negan send the savior back to the end of the room while your glance stayed fixed on Gabriel who trembled harshly, his lips quivering while he tried to keep himself with his last strength up.
“Well, hello again Gabey. Didn’t think I’d see you right here in this damn room again but well, here we are”, Negan said as he leaned back in his chair, his hands spread out for a moment, a small grin of his lips as his glance was glued on the priest.
“Now tell me Gabey, how did you get out? And I need the truth here”, Negan said, his glance narrowing for a moment before you heard Gabriel’s weak voice sounding through the room.
“Carson”, he said, gulping before you heard his voice again ,”I don’t know how but he got the keys to the car…he got us out.”
Negan bit his lip, his glance wandering over Gabriel’s face as if he was searching for a possible lie just before he began to slowly nod.
“Alright.”
“Now as you know, I can’t just leave your little road trip unregarded”, Negan continued, leaning towards the table until he could place his elbows on the damaged wood and place his hands on Lucille’s handle.
Gabriel’s lack of reaction to the act that would have let him flinch anytime else just showed you how bad his eyesight had already gotten.
But”, Negan suddenly said loudly, his finger pointing for a short moment at Gabriel  ,“You got the luck to work with an old old friend of yours. Hope your sense of touch is better than your fucking eyesight.”
The tension that laid over Gabriel’s body loosened sightly just before you heard Negan’s voice again.
“But for now”, he said as he pointed at the male Savior, “Derek, get him to the infirmary. I need his ass tomorrow at the machine shop, so I want you to pick him up at 7 and load him up. Dr. Mullet’s gonna need another set of hands.”
And with that, the man and the woman grabbed Gabriel again, heft him up on his weak legs and brought him as fast as his exhausted body would carry him out of the meeting room.
Your eyes followed the three of them until the door shut with a dull thud, just as you found Negan looking at you.
“Take care when you’re there. I know we had this discussion before but I don’t want him to give you even a small fucking cold”, Negan said, his glance glued on you as he stood up from his seat.
“Just so you know, I’ll pay Smartypants a small fucking visit while you’re at the infirmary”, he continued as you stood up, before his hand found your arm, his fingers stroking lightly over the fabric of your shirt.
“I know I’ve made you a bunch of promises these last days but…I won’t fucking repeat my mistakes. I’ll do fucking anything to make this shit up, I promise”, he mumbled before his eyes met yours again and you quietly nodded, your body beginning to long for more of his touch as you heard the genuineness once again in his voice.
Of course, what had happened had hit you deeply, but you had already made it hard for him and now Negan was trying hard, really hard and the reason why he had done it hadn’t been spite but fear and next to that, you were sick of fighting or feeling any sorrow.
Carl’s death was still so present and was stuck awfully in your bones, dragging out the stress with Negan after he had truly apologized more than once was something you really didn’t need on top of that.
Negan’s eyes followed you closely as you moved towards him, not reacting until he was sure that you wanted him close.
But then he wrapped his arms around you, pulling you tightly against his chest as you nuzzled your face against his neck, his scent now finally filling you up with comfort again as he rested his head against yours.
“I won’t let you down”, he mumbled as his hot breath hit your skin, while you cuddled closer against him.
“I hope so for you”, you muttered with a small grin, loosening the mood a bit between the both of you as you heard Negan’s quiet but throaty chuckle as response before you pulled you deeper into his warm embrace.

With the bottle of antibiotics in your hands you walked towards the infirmary, your body already tensing up by the thought that Carson was gone and you were the only one Gabriel could count on now.
Then, you stood in front of the door, your fingers pulling the metallic handle down before you stepped into the family enlightened room.
There he was, laying in the bed, his eyes half closed as his head turned into your direction by the sound of the opening door.
“Hey, it’s me”, you said as you slipped into the room.
“I got the meds with me”, you added as you walked towards him while Gabriel’s eyes tried to follow you as much as they could.
“I thought I’d made it”, he mumbled, tears filling his eyes as you felt something in you aching, just by the thought that he didn’t even know about Carl yet.
“It’s okay. You’ll be fine”, you quietly said in a soothing tone, trying to calm him down as you looked concerned down to him.
“Pushing your work till tomorrow morning was all I could do”, you added with a gulp as he quietly nodded.
“It’s okay”, he mumbled as you let out a sigh, telling yourself that you had to make him feel as well as you could in those hours you had now.

So you began making sure he had a full glass of water at the table, tried to get him to eat as much food as you could manage to scrape up and as he could manage to swallow without feeling like he was about to throw up.
You tried your best to remember the things Carson had done when you had visited Gabriel before, tried to remember how much and how often he had given him the antibiotics.
Next to that you found some new clothes for him for the next day and tried as well as you could to find out what he needed even though you hadn’t by far the abilities to heal someone like Gabriel.
Carson was a doctor and he almost failed.
But you tried your best.
This was one of your friends and you were in their debt, especially because you were with Negan, the man who was their enemy.

With a sigh you let yourself eventually fall on the chair next to Gabriel’s bed as his tired eyes tried to keep looking at you.
“Remember when you asked me to make Negan stop this?”, you asked before Gabriel slowly nodded his head.
“He made me a promise before we took off to Alexandria”, you said as Gabriel got more attentive and shifted slightly in the pillows.
“If there are ways out, he’s gonna consider them, even when they come from the other side”, you said as a small smile grew on his lips before it quickly hushed again.
“But he’s making bullets. As far as I know they’re not the sign of peace”, Gabriel’s weak voice mumbled as you gulped uneasily.
“I know, and I hope that they’ll never get shot…they’re the last solution”, you said as Gabriel’s brows furrowed sightly.
“You believe that?”, he asked, a small cough leaving his lips.
“Yes”,  you said as you shifted slightly on your chair ,”’Cause people are a resource to Negan. He’s not gonna cut off that resource if there’s a way around.”
“Lets hope you’re right”, Gabriel mumbled, swallowing hard as a tremble of his body let him flinch slightly, a small groan leaving his lips.
And as you watched him, remembered his tears from before, you knew that you couldn’t tell him about Carl, not yet and not now.
Of course he deserved to know, but he was already a mess and you didn’t want to make it any worse.
“You should try to sleep”, you quietly said as Gabriel just nodded and slowly closed his eyes while you leaned back in your chair, just trying to grasp some hope that he would do at least a little better in the morning.

“Sweetheart?”, you heard a familiar voice say about two hours later as the door of the infirmary opened and made you turn around.
Your eyes caught Negan who stood in the door frame, Lucille resting on his shoulder as he a mix between a smile and a smirk spread over his lips.
“Got us some food back at the apartment. Gonna have one of my guards stay at Gabe’s door over the night”, Negan said, his voice quiet as you tried to stand up without making too many noises.
Gabriel was still sleeping as you quietly made your way over to Negan and already saw one of his Saviors coming towards the both of you.
Your glance wandered for once back to Gabriel, a bit of bad conscience sneaking up in you by the thought that you were leaving.
“He’s gonna sleep anyway now, you can’t do more for him”, you heard Negan say before you slowly nodded.
He was right.

And with that, you made your way back to the apartment until you found yourself sitting on the leather couch, Negan sitting in the armchair as he nodded at the sandwiches in front of you on the coffee table.
“You gotta eat. I don’t need you to get dizzy again”, he said as he bit into his sandwich before you leaned down and got yourself one too.

After two sandwiches, you leaned fully sated back into the leather, your mind beginning to swirl around something as your glance fell on Negan’s walkie.
“Negan,…what did you reply to Rick?”, you asked as Negan’s prows perked up, half confused, half curious.
“When he told you there was no way out anymore, what did you reply?”, you added, as Negan let out a small sigh and leaned back into the fabric of the armchair.
“Told him he wasn’t innocent about Carl’s death too. This whole thing, this assload of crap he keeps stirring and stirring kept him from keeping Carl from dying”, Negan said before he let out a deeper sigh, knowing that he had to be honest with you, “I told him he had failed as a father.”
“Fuck Negan, he hasn’t failed as a father”, you said as you sat yourself up, a sigh leaving your lips as well as you looked for a moment to your hands before meeting Negan’s eyes again.
“He’s just going to if he’s not respecting the last wish of his dying son, maybe even hold onto a promise he gave him”, you mumbled as you gulped heavily, the thought of Carl still hurting.
“He’s gonna get more people killed. Even more if they’re not gonna get my warning tomorrow”, Negan scoffed before your brows went questioning up, your body tensing just by the word “warning”.
“Negan, what warning?”, you asked before his glance captured yours again, a sigh leaving his lips.
“You’ve seen what dead fucker guts can do, right? All what’s gonna happen  is to coat weapons in their fucking blood and shit and if Ricky boy and his people don’t agree to a deal…well some of them will get some nasty shit”, he said and just as he saw your body tensing harder, your brows puckering in shock he spoke up again.
“This is the only alternative to worse crap and more death. I’ll keep my promise Sweetheart, if they make up a deal earlier or let me make one, nothing’s gonna happen…if not, I gotta give them another warning”, he said, a heavy breath letting his chest rumble as you could see the fear in him rising to lose you again.
You gulped, feeling sick only by the thought of what could happen.
“When you’re going…let me come with you. I…I need to at least try to make them agree”, you said as you gulped heavily.
You knew each side would just go on and go on with those things if nothing would happen and at this point you could also understand why.
But after all you needed to try, not even because you necessarily thought you would be able to persuade them. You were no hero, not someone who was just gonna save the day for anyone and get peace just with the snap of your fingers, but you knew that you would make yourself reproaches for the rest of your life if you wouldn’t try to stop more people close to you from dying.
And who knew, who knew what stood in your letter from Carl.
Who knew what he wished for you to do.

“Okay”, Negan said, nodding quietly before he ran a hand over his face, silence falling between you until he stood up and looked down at you.
“I need to get my head clear, you do too. Fuck we need to give our brains some vacation from that crap”, he said, louder now as the stress got audible in his voice.
“I don’t know if we get to”, you said back, just remembering of what you all were stuck in before Negan’s glance captured you again.
“I’m tired, (Y/N). I’m fucking tired of this whole shit and I know you’re fucking exhausted too”, he scoffed out, his hand running through his dark hair before he spoke up again.
“Tomorrow morning I gotta be there for my people again. Be lock, stock and fucking barrel their damn leader, But nothings gonna be done tonight anymore, so why not use the time?”, he said, making a swift arm movement and before you could say anything he continued again.
“I’ll get someone to get a TV in here. Throw in some fucking movie, get some whiskey and chocolate and we’ll just get to tune the fuck out. Just for a couple of hours.”
“How does that sound?”, he asked as you couldn’t deny that a break from all the sorrow and stress of the last time was really more than needed.
If you could finally have it, after feeling like everything was trying to suck the strength out of your body, why not?

And with that, you found yourself not a half hour later on the bed, Negan fumbling on the DVD player of the TV one of his men brought in earlier, before he threw his hands in the air and let out a triumphantly “Finally!”.
“Killing some dead fuckers is easier than playing a damn fucking dvd”, Negan grumbled with a small laugh as he crawled next to you into bed, already wearing his grew sweatpants and the usual plain white shirt before he nipped on his whiskey.
The movie, that seemed like the result of a comedy and a crime movie having a baby, flickered over the screen as Negan laid back into the pillows, pulled the blanket over the both of you and lifted his arm slightly as his glance asked you if you were okay to come that close again.
Slowly, you pushed yourself to let yourself sink into his embrace again, let your head rest in the curve of his neck while he wrapped his arm tightly around you.
Gradually, you allowed to let his warmth give you the comfort it had given you before the events in the truck and with that, you began to slowly relax.
Your hand rested on Negan’s slowly rising and falling chest, his rough fingertips began to trace up and down your lower arm as he leaned his head against yours and sighed contently.
“Fuck, I fucking forgot the chocolate”, Negan grumbled before he stretched himself a bit, let his arm reach out to the still closed package of chocolate before opening it with a quick motion and eventually holding it out to you.
“I swear, that shit is awesome”, he mumbled with a small chuckle as you took one of the pieces, humming as soon as you felt the bittersweet sensation of the chocolate spreading out in your mouth.
“I was right, huh?”, he quietly laughed as he swallowed his own piece while you reached out for another.
“Hell, it should always be that fucking way”, you heard Negan mumble, almost that quiet that it could seem like he was thinking just a little too loud.

You didn’t even pay much attention to the movie as you cuddled closer against him, while something about the way how this all was so unusually normal made you ask yourself how things might have been if you wouldn’t be in this whole war, if you would have met Negan on the most “normal” way possible in this whole world.
Or maybe just a world, where you could lay every night like this in bed, watching some movie, eating some chocolate while never having to fear that the next day could bear a horror.
But after all, right now you were thankful for the moment, thankful for just having a little bit peace in this room that seemed to be cut off from the cruel world outside.
With every passing moment you could feel yourself getting more lost in him again, in this bed in which you had laid yesterday completely alone, with wet clothes after Negan had carried your sleeping body inside.
A part of you you hoped that your reconciliation with Negan was the first step into something better, into a future without this goddamn war.

The credits flickered over the monitor as Negan took the last sip of his whiskey and switched off the TV before he let himself roll onto his side, his arm still around you as your faces were as close again as they had been the other night.
The longing was back in your body, if you wanted it or not, and as Negan leaned slowly down you knew that you would just let yourself fall again.
The bittersweet chocolate and the smoky whiskey mixed with his own taste as his lips captured slowly yours.
His fingers laced around your jaw as his lips caressed yours softly and almost cautiously as he gave you a gentle kiss that you usually wouldn’t expect from a man like him.
“Good night, Sweetheart”, he mumbled against your lips, as your eyes were still closed, a part of you swinging in this certain trance again.
And this time, he didn’t leave, this time he pulled you closer into his embrace and wrapped his arms around you as if he didn’t even think about letting you ever go again.


(The gif isn’t mine/ it was originally posted by dancing-at-the-funeralparty)
tagging:
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The first part of an imagine about the 11th episode of season 8

The reader’s first talk with Negan after their fight and after she has found out about Carl’s death, turns out different than she thought…

the last part / all other previous parts
(You don’t have to read any previous parts to understand the plot! Hope you all like it and enjoy reading)

image

Cold sweat damped your clothes as your eyes snapped open, your body pressed deeply into the pillows as the nightmare that had enclosed you till now was leaving an ugly tension in your shaking body.
After a long break without them, the nightmares were back again and after the past night, it would’ve been a small wonder if they hadn’t returned.
This time Negan’s arms weren’t wrapped around you, comforting you and pulling you into his chest to cradle you softly.
No, this time the only thing surrounding you were the dark sheets and the several pillows of Negan’s bed.
Your ribcage was still harshly rising and falling as you looked down at yourself, finding your body still covered in the clothes of last night and with that, all the memories were back.
Carl was dead.
That boy you had known since the beginning of this all was dead and a part of you was still in refusal to believe it but the more memories of the past night popped up in your mind the harder it was to deny that he was never going to come back.
On top of that, your mind began to circle around Negan again, the man who had first roiling fled after kissing you, had treated you painfully repellant and had then acted all concerned and caring after seeing what the loss of Carl did to you. 
You scoffed by the thought of him while the confusion about the changes of his behavior were taking up a good part of you.
You let yourself sink deeper into the pillows, even though trying to fall asleep again was no option, the nightmare was still stuck in your bones and you could really relinquish on a direct repetition of its torture. 

For minutes you just laid in the bed, staring at the ceiling while trying to keep your thoughts out of your head before peeling yourself out of the sheets.
Your feet hit the wooden floor before you heft yourself up and immediately felt how the way you had treated your body over the last day punished you now.
You hadn’t eaten anything, had drunk maybe a few gulps of water and the remains of the hourlong crying were still stuck in your body, even though you felt in comparison to yesterday at least a bit well rested.
Dizziness was filling your body as you made your way over to the wardrobe to pull out some new clothes while you tried your best to ignore Negan’s stuff and his scent that was surrounding them.
As quickly as your still wobbly legs allowed you shuffled towards the bathroom, trying to get ready for a day that was hopefully better than the last.

Freshly showered you sat on the edge of the bed, the hot shower had, of course, made the dizziness not better but now that you had taken a small break, had sorted yourself back, your body seemed to be willing to work with you at least for now.
Your glance roamed over the room, trying to find something to eat to keep the dizziness banned but much to your annoyance, you found nothing.
With a sigh you got back up again, the feeling of hunger spreading further out in your body as you grabbed the handle of the heavy wooden door.
Slowly, you opened it, your glance wandering quickly into the hallway as you quietly prayed to not come across Negan as soon as you would leave the apartment.
This time, luck seemed to be on your side as you made your way outside, strolled along the familiar hallway until you got to your first destination.

With a small strained breath you stemmed the heavy metal door open, just before you stepped into the faintly enlightened stairwell.
Your footsteps sounded dull through the air as you made your way down the stairs, passing another floor as your thoughts began to whirl around Negan just as you felt yourself missing one of the stair threads.
Faster than you could think you found yourself falling, your body sliding down a few steps until you fell with a dull thud on the cold cement floor of the next platform.
“Fuck!”, you cursed as a stinging pain shoot through your hip and ankle, your voice echoing through the staircase as you grew annoyed of yourself.
Your hand slid quickly to your ankle, your fingers massaging it for a short moment before you heft yourself up.
A small huff left your lips as you looked down to your feet, before the tension first left your body a bit as the pain slid gradually out of your body.
“Holy hell, are you alright?”, you suddenly heard a familiar, deep and raspy voice say from the beginning of the stairs, a weird feeling spreading out in your whole body by the simple sound of him.
“Yeah, I’m fine”, you mumbled stroking over your clothes for a moment before an urge in you forced you to look up to him.
There he was, his tall frame standing right at the stairs’ railing, while you could still see in the faint light how his glance was glued on you, some pain, even insecurity flickering in his eyes.
He slowly nodded, a hard gulp traveling down his throat as you felt a tension and tremble filled breath leaving your lips while your mind tried to figure out how to handle whatever would happen now as your glance went to the floor.
“He wrote you a letter”, you suddenly heard Negan’s voice add, the stress in it clearly audible as your gaze shot up again as he rose his voice, “Carl,..he wrote letters.”
“I just…I thought you needed to know”, he said, his palm running uneasily over his beard stubble as his jaw clenched and a rush of coldness and heat washed through your body, several new question popping up in your mind as you took a heavy breath while the curiosity trumped your urge to leave.
“Do you know what stood in them?…in mine?”, you asked, the tension between the both of you was filling up the whole staircase while a shiver went up and down your spine.
“Rick just told me about his and mine…Carl, hell, he wants us to fucking stop, make peace”, you heard him say, the turmoil still clearly audible in his voice.
Something in you was still surprised, even after you had witnessed what Carl had said at the gates and with that, a question forced itself out of your lips.
“Would you?”
“I gave you a promise, right?”, he said, some warmth beginning to grow in your body as you remembered the promise to try to find a way out, even consider it if a solution came from the other side.
“But fuck, it doesn’t work that way, Rick wants to plug along and kill my ass, so this shit keeps stirring”, Negan grumbled, his jaw clenching  once again as his glance stayed glued on you.
“(Y/N), I-”, he began, just as he got cut off by the sound of the opening door behind him and two voices that immediately let the tiny warmth that had still stuck in your body vanish.
“Negan?”, the brunette asked, her hand finding Negan’s arm before it slid over his shoulder as you already saw the other, red-haired woman sneak to his other side, Negan’s glance leaving you for the first time.
“So what now?”, she asked breathy as your breath seemingly stopped for a moment, your pulse pounded in your ear as your mind began to process the scene that was playing at the beginning of the stairs and even more, what that meant.
Some more nausea washed over you as you realized that the floor you had passed before falling, the floor at which’s entrance Negan was standing right now was the one of his wives.
He had been with those two women who were now like glued to his side.
He had been there, had probably even spent the rest damn night there and that fucker still had the nerve to talk to you, to even tell you about Carl.

You found yourself rushing down the stairs, an urge in you propelling you to keep moving and just try to bring as much distance between yourself and Negan, even though you already felt the dizziness from before coming back.
You should have just walked away, you told yourself, just walked away before he could begin a conversation with you.
You were all fucked over again, Carl’s letter whirling as a painful addition through your mind as you first noticed the tears that were burning in your eyes.
You had no idea where to go, the only thing your mind could grasp was the kitchen while you felt the increasing tightening of your ribcage, pressing all the air out of your lungs.
Why?
That was the question which spooked through your mind, combined with a thousand of different additions that just created more and more pain in your body.

 Minutes later you found yourself rushing into the thankfully empty kitchen, the times your glance got blurry increased before you clawed your fingertips into the kitchen’s counter, trying to keep yourself steady on your legs and trying to get the thought of Negan with those women out of your head.
You bit your lip, trying to hold back the tears that were urging for their release.
You didn’t want shed a single tear for him, he didn’t deserve any of them and still, the first tear rolled over your cheek.
You flinched as you heard the kitchen-door opening further behind you, your hand flipping up to quickly wipe the tear off your skin.
“Here are you”, you heard the voice of the man say you wanted to see the least in these moments.

“Just-”, you began, just before he cut you off.
“No, I won’t just fucking go now. Not while you think I pulled some shit I didn’t fucking pull”, he said, a harsh gulp traveling down your throat as you heard his heavy footsteps coming closer while the blurriness began to get accompanied by seconds of a black wall in front of your eyes.
“I’ll send them to a goddamn outpost, that’s why I was there and had some damn chitchat with them”, Negan said, uneasiness in his voice as you clawed your fingertips harsher into the counter while your legs turned wobblier.
Did he really think you were gonna believe that?
Why the hell should he send them to an outpost?
“I don’t wanna hear your lies”, you mumbled, your voice pressed through the lump that was still sticking in your throat just as Negan came even closer until he stood right next to you and let your body tense harder up.
“That’s no fucking lie”, he said, harsher now, combined with desperation as the feeling of dizziness let your body sink slightly.
“Shit, you haven’t eaten anything, now have you?”, Negan asked concerned as you tried to concentrate on keeping yourself standing and to not look as weak as you actually felt in these moments.
“Fuck Sweetheart, you gotta sit down. I’ll get you some food”, Negan added, his voice filling with even more concern as the blackness flickered once again in front of your eyes.
“No”, you grumbled, gulping heavily as you didn’t even think about letting him close now, after what had just happened ,“I don’t need you to take care of me.”
“And I don’t need you to flake the fuck out”, he said harshly and firmly back but just as the room began to turn in front of your eyes as your knees buckled slighty.
“Shit”, you just heard him say, his arm slinging around your waist, his touch letting shivers run through your body as he guided you towards the dining table and let your body slide onto a chair before you could defend yourself.
You would have stood up again, but you couldn’t, your body plead you to keep sitting and your weak legs, just like your glance that was a flickering mess between blurriness and blackness wasn’t giving you any other choice than staying on the chair.
A trembling breath left your lips as you heard the fridge opening, the sound of some cutlery and of a pouring liquid filling the room before Negan placed a plate with something that smelled like some fruity parfait, cutlery and a glass with water on the table.
“Eat”, he ordered sternly just before a big sigh left his lips as you stubbornly didn’t move and the sternness got replaced by desperation ,“Fuck (Y/N), please.”
You sat yourself slightly up, as much as you could, but still refused to take what he had given to you.
“Alright, I won’t go till you’ve eaten”, you suddenly heard Negan say as he let himself fall onto the chair on the other side of the small table, just as your glance went the first time up to him.
“You’re an asshole”, you grumbled while the break on the chair began to let you see more clear again, Negan’s brows were slightly raised, his palm stroking over his beard stubble while his glance burned into you.
“I know, but the faster you get that crap down your throat and let me get the fuck clear that those ‘lies’ were the damn truth, the faster I’m gone.  And that’s what you want, right?”, he said, a sigh leaving his lips as you could hear a tiny bit of pain sounding through his voice at the last sentence.
Your face twisted in a bit of annoyance before you turned towards the table, you didn’t like it, you did everything else than that, but you needed to eat to either get stronger again and get yourself out of this kitchen or make Negan leave.

So you grabbed the fork and began to give your body the sweet meal it was craving desperately for while you felt Negan’s glance stuck on you before he rose his voice.
“Dr. Mullet has to make me some goddamn bullets and since that fucker knows some machine shop I’ll send him there. Frankie and Tanya are just there to keep his fucking head in the game”, he said, the last part of what he was saying there sounding still so absurd that you a small scoff left your lips.
“Yeah, of course”, you mumbled ironically but quietly, the pain acknowledging  your body already as its home as you felt the lump in your throat growing again.
“Just like they keep your head in the game?”, you mumbled, your voice sounding by far not as snarky as this comment intended it to be but rather broken and uneasy.
You shoved a big fork full of the parfait into your mouth, trying to keep yourself busy and to just get this done as fast as you could.
“Frankie was a masseuse before crap hit the fan and Tanya a damn chef. Massages and Food. That’s fucking why”, Negan said, his voice stressed as he seemed to recognize that it needed more than that to show you that he was telling the truth after all.
“And fuck no, they’re not keeping my goddamn head in the game”, he added, as you saw from the corner of your eyes how he let his hand run over his clenching jaw once again.
“Like I said last night, I know I’ve fucked up…but I’m not pulling a fucking Pinocchio here”, he said, fumbling stressed on Lucille’s handle and readjusting himself uneasily on the chair as his glance wandered over you, searching for any sign of understanding.
The sound in his voice was genuine and after all you knew him more than well enough to be able to hear when he was lying.
Judging from that, he wasn’t in these moments.
Part of you wanted to believe him and even craved to get some more of his touch while the other was still suspicious and urged you to protect yourself from another disappointment.
As he rose his voice again, you forced yourself to look up, let your glance, which was now thanks to the food getting clearer again, meet his, letting it judge if the truth was slipping out of his lips or just a lie.
“I don’t need them here, so I’ll send them to Smartypants…If you want, hell, you can have a damn insight in the plans or take a good damn look at the fucking list with food and massage oil and shit for that damn outpost”, he said, gulping as he you found yourself beginning to believe him.
“I’m sorry for going full asshole in that truck…I really am. Now I don’t expect you to forgive me or act like everything’s fucking peachy. Just believe me that I’m telling truth here”, he said, his eyes refusing to leave yours for moments once he had captured your glance as that weird feeling began to stir in your stomach again.
You slowly nodded, as a bit hope flashed up in Negan’s eyes before he let out a sigh as his eyes first left yours and glanced to the plate, that was now empty.
He gulped slightly, realizing that this was the time to comply the deal as he heft himself up and walked over to the door before he turned once more around.
“Let me know if there’s some way I can make it up to you”, he sighed, before he forced himself to turn away from you and grab the door’s handle.
Just as you heard its metallic squeaking, you gave yourself a harsh push as you found yourself longing for answers.
“Tell me why.”
With those words, he turned around again, his eyes meeting yours as a small gulp travelled down his throat just while you had to give yourself another push to get the next words to leave your lips.
“Why you acted that way after-”, you began, letting out a small sigh,“after the kiss,…I guess that’s a good start.”
Uneasily he slid his palm over his beard stubble while the tension in you grew, just like the secret hope that he would agree.
“Alright, but not here”, he finally sat as he made his way over to you, a small wave of relief washing over you that got slowed down by the suspicion that he was trying to stall you some more.
A small shiver ran through your body as Negan stood eventually towards you as you shifted uncomfortably on the hard wood of the chair.
”As soon as we’re in the apartment, I’ll tell you”, he said as he stretched his large hand out for you to take,“I fucking promise.”
And with that you reluctantly reached out for him, let your hand slide into his warm palm while his touch was filling you up with the comfortable warmth you had secretly missed so much.
You got back on your feet again as you found yourself close to him and a small, familiar smirk sneaked onto his lips.
Instead of letting you go, he let his fingers intertwine with yours and squeezed your hand slightly as he lead you out of the room, just as he wanted to make sure that you were staying with him.


(The gif isn’t mine/ it was originally posted by dancing-at-the-funeralparty)
tagging:
@agespenst @imaginesforthepeople @porgs-r-us @squidgy84 @toxic-ink @Nobodylastname @nice-shoes-nerd@thegirlwiththelyrics99 @tolieboy @writteninthestars288 @magical-spit @straightestgay-voice @xsnak-3x @myrabbitholetoneverland@dasani-saraai @negan–is–god @harry-titss @traumbruch @negans-network @theblankestostares @amysuemc @ashzombie13 @trashimaginezblog @jeffreydeanneganstrash @sweetwittlebosco@futureofdestiel @bananakid42 @dragongirl420 @kalliewinchester-queenofhell @futureofdestiel @timeladyrikaofgallifrey @osakamilk @kattyshea20 @dinodiegos @missmotherhen @kinkygamertrash @beahippie23 @xabeautifultragedyx @negansmagic@starwarsandstufff @bdohe21@lovesjdm @vanilla-negan @to-pick-ourselves-up-7 @roselover159 @mamarhee @the-writingdead@traumbruch @bellawindixon @dlb1999 @thelittlewolf45@collette04 @ask-kakashihatake @princessbelgoof@adixon13 @botanicalthoughts @nijiru @cheyanhicks @jtklover123@twentyonewalkers @originalwinchestervamp @readytourie@ijashanaa@i-am-lady-anarchy @marauderspads @humble-thumb@hp-hogwartsexpress @mydeliciousdandelion@warriorqueen1991 @unholyjs @kentuckywalker @mydeliciousdandelion  @dancing-in-embers
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