Slowly, Negan’s fingers ran through your hair, his fingertips massaging your scalp soothingly while he held you tightly in his arms. Your breath was by now calm again and softly hit the skin of his neck as you nuzzled your face deeper into the nook of his shoulder. You could still feel the tears on your skin that were dry by now and left an ugly tension behind, just like you could feel the slight dampness of Negan’s white shirt beneath your face. Negan’s soft and quiet hums rumbled through his throat and let his neck gently vibrate against you the same way his chest did beneath your hand. The deepness of his voice was calming, just like the slight vibrating as he cradled you against his body to hold you a little closer.
Slowly, his head that still rested against yours turned a bit until his lips could press a small kiss on your temple, his beard stubble tickling you slightly as his hand moved gradually out of your hair, stroke first over your jaw and found its way then to the back of your neck just to let his fingers circle over your skin. He was completely enclosing you, his scent, his arms, his warmth, his legs that were placed around you as you were huddled up in his lap and cuddled yourself as much into his embrace and warmth as you could.
“Feelin’ a bit fucking better, Baby?”, you heard him quietly ask, his hot breath hitting your face as he pulled you a little closer. “Yes…thank you…for being there”, you mumbled quietly, your voice sill slightly strained from the torture of crying you had put it through before you could feel his lips curling slightly up against your skin. “Always gonna be”, he mumbled, as the caressing movements of his fingers still continued,”You’ve always got me, you know that right?” “Yeah…”, you mumbled back, your hand running up his chest to his shoulders until you could wrap your arm around his neck to hug him as tightly back as he was holding you. You could hear his quiet exhaling as the smile grew bigger on his lips as he pulled you even closer and pressed his lips anew on your skin while his hand ran back into your hair. Finally feeling how the last bit of tension and miserableness left your body, you could let go again, just let yourself fall and just feel the lightheartedness you were longing so much for. And as you then heard those three little words leaving his lips and felt his arms wrapping protectingly around you as if they were ready to shield you from any arm no matter of its size, you realized once again that you had found your safe haven in him.
The sun was shining softly through the infirmary’s windows as its sunrise danged over your skin, beginning to wake you gradually up. With each moment you were diving more out of the depths of the sleep and began to become awake, all while feeling how Negan’s chest slowly rose and fell beneath your hand, your face nuzzled against the curve of his shoulder while your legs were entangled with his as his still weak arm was wrapped around you as best as it could. A small smile began to grow on your lips as you opened your eyes, realizing that the past night had been the very first night after you had been back at Alexandria that hadn’t let a nightmare haunt you. For the first time you felt some lightheartedness wash through your body after your eyes fluttered open, finally feeling anything else than the ugly feeling a nightmare left on you. You sighed quietly but contently as you heard how Negan softly hummed in his sleep before a small satisfied growl rumbled through his chest and let it vibrate against your fingers while your still sleepy mind decided to stay just like that for some more moments.
Slowly, you moved just a few minutes later up, leaning slightly down to place soft kisses on Negan’s skin, beginning just above the white bandage before starting to carefully make your way up. His warm skin felt blissfully against your lips, the beard stubble tickling you slightly while you reached his jaw, then the sensible spot behind his ear as you felt him shifting slightly beneath you. A low, content growl rumbled through his chest and up his throat as you could feel him beginning to wake up. “Morning”, you quietly and softly mumbled into his ear, a small smile planting on your lips as you enjoyed the peaceful moment. “Mornin’, Baby”, Negan’s raspy morning voice mumbled, the small smirk on his lips audible through his voice as you felt his still weak arm trying to pull you a little closer. “Think I’m still fucking dreaming”, he mumbled as you ran the hand that had rested on his chest a bit down until you reached the edge of his shirt. “Why don’t you push those damn pants a little down and sweeten our damn morning some more…just to wake us fucking thoroughly up”, he mumbled grinning as you backed a little away, his sleepy eyes darting wolfishly down. “Tempting but I gotta pass”, you mumbled drowsily chuckling back, “Not gonna get your blood pressure up and risk breaking those stitches up again.” You nodded at his throat, a theatrically pout forming on Negan’s face as he huffed slightly before he bit his lower lip and smirked slightly at you. “They’re already long in there, gotta have healed that crap enough for some fun…and you got your hand already at the right spot”, he grumbled, shifting slightly as you could feel his lower stomach moving beneath your hand, your fingers feeling his warm skin as they laid right between the shirt and the grey sweatpants that were riding low on his hips.
Seeing and feeling Negan longing for your touch while showing you more than clear how much he wanted you let your confidence grow. So slowly, you began to softly tug and toy with the short and dark curls that peeked out of the sweatpants, low growls leaving Negan’s mouth as he tried to lean more into your touch. “Fuck…goddamn tease”, he quietly growled with another huff just as you with a small grin on your lips stopped in response to his remark. “No don’t fucking stop…move your hand right in there”, Negan mumbled groaning with a small, throaty chuckle, figuring your little plan directly out while his eyes darted at you. “We’ll see later when I get to change those bandages again, maybe you got luck”, you mumbled with a small grin as you leaned down to peck his lips, humming contently into the kiss. “Fucking hope so”, he mumbled chuckling against your lips, the grin palpable before you leaned slightly back. “Gonna get us some breakfast, sounds good?”, you asked softly smiling, already sitting yourself some more up. “Fucking good”, Negan mumbled before a small cough left his lips and let him flinch up in pain as it rumbled through his throat. “Apropos they’ve healed it enough”, you mumbled sarcastically as you nodded to his bandaged throat and stood up from the bed. “Hmm”, Negan grumbled, even though the small grin was still lingering on his lips as you leaned one last time down to let your lips meet his.
Minutes later there was no sign of anybody in the kitchen, nor in the whole house to be clear, and somehow it gave you some relief. You still hadn’t really talked to anybody about everything that had happened, not only because you were spending as good as all your time with Negan, also because any time you dared to take a step out of this house, pairs of eyes burned into you, already letting you know that they wouldn’t want to hear anything you’d like to say and explain. The only person you had talked to was Siddiq, but only because he was Negan’s Doctor. Michonne was till now the very only person of your old friends who had taken a tiny step towards you by telling you even hours before Negan had woken up that you should talk but by now a bunch of more days had passed and you slowly got the feeling that she might have changed her mind. And all of it hurt, every single bit of it. Their glances, sometimes even glares, their silence and cold behavior towards you that had hit you with all their force even though you had only spent few minutes outside.
You could feel your glance wandering over and over again to the door as you began to make some oatmeal, your body tensing up whenever your eyes wandered to the window and caught someone walking closer towards the infirmary. Your jaw clenched slightly as you cursed yourself in your head while you tried to keep yourself busy with mixing some berries you had found in the freezer into the oatmeal, just to gradually let their juice turn it into a lilac mess.
Finally on your way back to Negan’s room you could feel yourself loosing up again as the tension washed gradually out of your body. After all you had started this day with a great morning mood, feeling better than on any other day since you were back at Alexandria and you weren’t gonna let anything else ruin this for you now.
“There’s my girl again”, you heard Negan’s voice still drowsy voice say as you walked back into the room, his eyes darting at you as a grin played around the corners of his mouth. “Here I am”, you said with a chuckle, directly feeling the effect his glance and even his grin had on you as they let the rest of the tension vanish and made you feel the previous lightheartedness again. “Even got us a little new variety”, you said with a small grin as you placed the two bowls on the nightstand. “Hell yes”, Negan chuckled before he his glance glimpsed towards the lilac oatmeal and an even louder, throaty chuckle rumbled through his chest, “Fuck, now that looks like some kinda unicorn puke.” “Hope it doesn’t taste that way”, you chuckled back, almost letting yourself fall onto the chair next to the bed before your eyes caught Negan as he began his try to sat his body up, “Fuck”, he growled with a strained breath, the muscles of his arms tensed while the thick vein on the side of his neck swelled, showing the immense effort of his that still wasn’t enough as he got himself nothing more than an inch up into the pillows. “Wait, I’ll help you”, you said as you leaned up and wrapped your arms around his torso to push him carefully up while you gladly knew after the while of already helping him how you had to handle this big man properly. “Still can’t even sit my fucking self up”, he growled under his breath as you leaned a bit back and adjusted the pillows behind him, trying to make it a little more comfortable for him before you looked with a small sigh at him. You knew how much he hated it to be this weak, to not even be able to do the simplest tasks himself and to have to ask for anything and everything. And you hated it too, obviously for other reasons but the very last thing you needed was him stressing himself even more, after all this would have the complete contrary effect to his whole healing process. “You’ve lost a ton of blood, that’s normal even after this while”, you calmly said, giving him a soft smile as you saw his jaw clenching tightly ,”And that’s coming from Siddiq, he should know.” You could see Negan forcing up a smile for you, before you nodded over to the bowls. “We’re gonna eat the unicorn puke now or not?”, you asked with a grin before some relief washed over you as you saw a genuine smirk pulling the corners of his lips up. “Sure thing”, he chuckled, the sound of it that bright and honest because eating was finally one of the things he could mostly do alone again without needing anyone’s help.
So as you were beginning to eat the oatmeal your eyes caught Negan’s injured hand softly and still weakly grasping the bowl, his left hand beginning to let the spoon dig into his breakfast. And even though he was shaking and several curses left his lips whenever he was leading the lilac oatmeal towards his mouth, you let him do it his way. He needed that for himself, maybe even to not feel as helpless and bodily weak as he actually was.
“You’re smiling more, that fucking great waking up shit you pulled, something’s different about your fucking mood”, Negan chuckled after a while, scratching the last bit of oatmeal out of his bowl before he perked his brows grinning up ,“Did you have some fucking wet dream ‘bout me?” A soft chuckle left your lips as you placed your empty bowl on the nightstand, shifting slightly as you let your feet rest on the edge of the bed and shook your head. “Nah not quite…first night without a nightmare after…you know what”, you mumbled, seeing him shakily placing the empty bowl next to yours before his glance darted back at you. “Hope they stay the fuck back then”, he said as he let his hand slowly slide over the mattress towards you until his fingers could caress over the sensitive skin of your ankles . “Well then I’m even fucking more curious ‘bout what kinda great mornin’ it’s gonna be when you wake up from a dirty dream”, he mumbled with a wide grin, his teeth sinking slightly into his lower lis as his wolfish glance captured yours. “You’ll see”, you teased with a chuckle, still feeling his fingertips circling over your skin as Negan’s eyes followed their movements.
The wooden floorboards squeaked softly beneath your feet as you made your way back to the kitchen, carrying the two empty bowls in your hand before you rounded the last corner and stemmed the kitchendoor open. A small, almost inaudible gasp left your lips as your glance caught Michonne standing with her back towards you at the kitchen counter, her hands searching through a drawer while she didn’t seem as if she had noticed you entering the room. You gulped, the thought of turning on your heels and leaving the room again shooting for a tiny millisecond though your head before you cursed yourself for only thinking that way and pulled yourself together. You were no fucking coward.
Gradually, you made your way towards the kitchen counter, just before she turned around and caught your glance. “Morning”, you mumbled with a soft smile as you began to lay the bowls into the sink, still seeing her from the corner of your eyes. “Morning”, you heard her say, her voice calm and kind but still as reserved as the last time you had talked to her.
An uncomfortable silence began to set in, the kind of forced up silence that no one liked to be stuck in with anyone. Feeling how our jaw clenched uneasily you began to clean the bowls up, the sound of the flowing water filling the silence only for a bit until it got completely quiet again and your mind tried to figure out how to start a conversation or how to at least escape this awkwardness.
“How have you slept?”, you suddenly heard Michonne ask, the words and the sound of her voice revealing that she was also just trying to find a beginning. “Good…you?”, you finally said, turning your head towards her with a small smile before you grabbed a towel and began to dry the first bowl up. For another few moments, silent fell between you again after she had just given you a small nod before she raised her voice again. “You haven’t been much outside till now”, she said, leaning herself against the kitchen counter while you let out a small sigh and finally looked up at her again. “Well uhm…Siddiq can still use my help and-”, you said, stopping before you forced yourself to continue, “I don’t think anyone wants me there.” Your glance stayed on Michonne, trying to figure out what she was thinking about your answer but as she didn’t respond, you gave yourself a big push to dig a little deeper- “Does the offer with the talk still stand?”, you asked, your hand running for the felt hundredth time over the already dry bowl that was by now rather a crutch you could hold onto and keep your hands busy with. “Well, we’re talking now, so I guess yes”, she finally answered, a bit nervousness washing into your body as you knew that you couldn’t screw this chance up now. If Michonne listened to you, maybe even believed you, you felt like you might have a chance that some of the others would do so as well.
“I talked to Gabriel”, you suddenly heard her say before those words let thousands of thoughts pop up in your head. Gabriel never understood how you could get into this with Negan and while you couldn’t even blame him for feeling that way, you also knew that he had believed the things you told him. You could still remember the doubts he’s had at the beginning, the doubts if you were actually helping him because you were his friend or simply only because you had a guilty conscience. But after a while, especially after he had come back from his escape trip, you had seen that he believed you, hell, he even knew about Negan’s promise to you to try to stop the war. And just like he knew that, he as well knew that Negan had just spared him after his second try to escape out of the car because you were there with him. And he must knew that you had been an influence in Negan’s decision to give Rick even on the battlefield the chance to stop. So if anyone could show them that you hadn’t hookwinked them, it was Gabriel.
You were no hero in this story, by far not, but you weren’t a villain as well.
You were tensed when Michonne stopped for a moment, still not knowing what Gabriel had said to her before the sound of her rising voice let a small shiver run through you. “So I believe you when you say you wanted to stop it”, you suddenly heard her say, your eyes widening slightly as you thought for a moment that you hadn’t heard right. A small smile formed on your lips, a wave of relief washing through you just before you saw her nodding towards the door in the direction of Negan’s room ,”I just don’t understand-” She stopped, her jaw clenching slightly as you let out a tight breath, feeling how you dug your fingertips into the fabric of the towel you were still holding while you knew that this right now, was your chance. Even if it was just a tiny one.
“It just developed…”, you began, those three words already letting you know that this wasn’t gonna be easy to explain. Taking a deeper breath you looked at her and shifted uneasily against the kitchen counter, trying to find a way to go on. “I denied it for a long time I just-…at some point I couldn’t do that anymore..lie to myself”, you continued, trying to read something out of her face or her eyes but they stayed only attentive to listen to you, no emotions displaying in them as if she wanted you to go on until she’d allow herself to judge. “I know he’s done cruel and fucked up shit, I know, I’ve seen it and I won’t justify them, not in anyway”, you said, gulping slightly as you looked for a small moment to the bowl in your hands before glancing up again. “But he’s not just that, he’s not evil and he’s no psychopath…he doesn’t just seek out for blood like Simon did and…hell, he’s not like the Governor”, by the last name, you could see her flinch slightly, her glance showing that it obviously brought some memories back up but that’s what you needed. You needed them to fully understand that he wasn’t like any of them. “He didn’t do it the right way but when he said he wanted to save people, he didn’t lie”, you said, and just as you could already see her clenching her jaw you continued. “He’s gone through some shit, just like we did”, you said, a tight breath leaving your lips as you looked at her,”And that whole shit let him think this was the only and right way to keep people alive even though it wasn’t” “Does he know that you think that way?”, she asked before you could add anything else, her eyes wandering over your face as if she wanted to see if what you were about to answer was the truth. “Yes”, you said, keeping your voice firm to make sure that she understood just before you could see her nodding and if you weren’t taking anything wrong, she seemed to believe you.
You bit your lips slightly, knowing that you couldn’t end this conversation that way, you still needed them to show her or at least tell her that Negan was able to redeem himself.
“Either way…I just-…this whole thing is not the end of the line, people can change their sights on things again, so can he”, you said and just as you tried to grasp some hope you saw her looking straight into your eyes, her voice firm and determined as she raised it again. “That’s why he gets to see us changing this place…he’s gonna see what he did wrong. For the rest of his life, from his cell”, her words let cold shivers run down your spine, the image of Negan behind bars you had tried to suppress began to force its way up into your mind. Another tight breath left your lips, just before you heard her voice again. “And that’s a done deal”, she added, as if she wanted to make sure you understood. “I know”, you said as you glanced up at her, the words almost getting caught in your tightening throat before they left your lips. There still was a tiny hope in you that someday, at least the part “for the rest of his life” would change. You knew they would keep him for a long time in this cell, but maybe, maybe there was a chance that once he had shown to them that he was redeemable, they would change this life long sentence into a shorter one. You didn’t even know if you were just grasping hopeless straws just to keep yourself going, in a woozy dreams a few nights ago you had even seen yourself letting him go and even though you knew you couldn’t do that, you knew just as well that this crazed dream showed how heavy his sentence weighed on your shoulders as well.
“They’re taking off to the Sanctuary in about an hour…so if you wanna get anything personal over here, taking the trip wouldn’t be too bad”, you heard Michonne ripping you out of your thoughts. The thought of going back to the Sanctuary without Negan was sending an uneasy shiver through you, but Michonne had a point. “Yeah, I’ll give it some thought…Negan needs some new sweatpants and shirts anyway”, you said, giving her a small nod as you already began pondering. “Michonne, we need you on the crop field, Rick wanted to discuss something”, you suddenly heard a male voice say as the door sprung open, revealing a man you had seen the very last time on the battlefield. “Okay”, you heard Michonne say, before she looked with a small smile back at you, “Guess I’ll see you some time later then.”
“Anything happened? You’re usually faster back”, you heard Negan ask as you carefully began to unwrap the bandage around his neck, feeling his glance darting at you as he perked his brows a little up. “Talked to Michonne”, you said as you began to slip the rest of the white fabric off of him, revealing the stitched wound that still looked dangerously fresh even though it already had been a good while. “And?”, Negan asked, as you walked over to the counter, threw the used bandage into the trash and crammed up the salve Siddiq always used along with a new bandage out of one of the counter’s drawers. “It was okay…for the circumstances”, you said as you walked back to him and placed the bandage on the nightstand before giving him a soft smile,”At least she believes that I wanted to find a way out.” “Alright”, Negan said with a small smile as you began to clean the wound and eventually swirled the cap off the white tube before your thoughts wandered back to the trip to the Sanctuary, which you weren’t even sure about anymore just by looking at Negan’s wound. “Something else wrong? You’re tensed”, Negan asked, his brows perking up again as you let out a tight breath and looked at him, knowing that you couldn’t keep that information from him. “They’re taking off to the Sanctuary again”, you said as you leaned down to softy and carefully smear the salve onto his injured skin while you felt him tensing up and you very well knew that this tension wasn’t just caused by the wound. Losing the Sanctuary and his position as leader was still weighing hard on his shoulders and even though you were trying your best to soothe this pain, you knew that this was about to last for a long time, especially because he knew what else was waiting for him as soon as this injury would have healed. A cell instead of the pretty apartment. A simple and most likely awfully uncomfortable bed instead of the large one at the Sanctuary that was adorned with countless pillows and soft, dark sheets. People looking down at him instead of him being the one who was in charge of them. His beloved bat completely out of his reach instead of resting on his shoulder. Walking up and down the same few meters in the cell instead of strutting through the hallways of the Sanctuary. And there was so much more.
“And?”, you eventually heard him ask, as you leaned back and looked at him. An odd mix of uncomfortableness and tension but also curiosity was displaying in his eyes as they wandered over your face, searching for an answer. “I’ve thought for a moment that I could get some of our stuff”, you said, clenching your jaw slightly before you let out a tight breath,“The sweatpants and shirts for you run out so I guessed it’d be easier to get some of your own things…and I still got some of mine there too…Carl’s letter, clothes” “And what speaks against it?”, he eventually asked, surprising you a little bit before his brows perked up as you didn’t reluctantly shifted over the floor and grabbed the fresh bandage. “Hmm? I can see all those fucking thoughts buzzing through your sweet, pretty head. So what is it?”, he asked again, now not letting go of your glance once he had caught it. You gulped, feeling how Negan raised his weak arm and laid his hand on your hip to let you sit down right next to him on the edge of the bed. “Going alone back there after everything that happened… “, you eventually said, his glance still darting at you as you looked for a short moment to his hand that was now resting on your thigh before you looked up at him again,”And well, leaving you here with them all.” “I think I’ll get through it”, he said, his lips curling into the familiar grin ,”And over there, those fuckers won’t do anything to you, just do your thing.” The grin stayed on his lips and mixed with an uplifting smile as you could feel his thumb stroking slowly over your thigh. “So get that stuff you want.” “Negan-” “I’ll be fine, I can’t even move from the fuckin’ spot”, he said with a soft chuckle, before his eyes captured yours as he saw that you there were still some doubts buzzing around in your head ,“Baby, I ain’t gonna lie, I understand you, I wouldn’t fucking move from your damn side too but you need some time outside this shit room.” “Don’t need you to feel caged up…and well, maybe you can sneak us something nice in here”, he said as he softly chuckled and winked jokingly at you while you felt how you persuaded yourself more and more of the idea. Maybe it really was the right thing to do, after all you would have to go there earlier or later to pick those things up and if Negan was feeling fine, you might as well be able to do it now. “Alright?”, he asked before you gave him a small nod. “Alright” “So when are they taking off?”, he asked as you could still feel his soft movements over the fabric of your pants. “Shouldn’t be too long anymore”, you said as your glance wandered over to the small digital clock on the countertop. “Well then get your sweet ass over there before it’s too fucking late”, you heard Negan chuckle before your glance captured his again. “Okay, but I’ll finish your neck first”, you said, nodding to his wound that still boasted unbandaged on his throat. “Alright.”
“Gonna tell the Doc that you already did that one damn bandage”, Negan said, shortly after you had finished his bandage just a few minutes later. Nodding, you grabbed the salve from earlier and moved over to the counter just before you heard Negan’s voice. “Hey, didn’t say you could just fucking leave me without a damn kiss”, he complained with a chuckle as you turned snorting back around and saw him looking widely grinning at you. “Or a quick fuck”, he added, before you let out a chuckle and moved over to him. Leaning down you let your lips meet his before you felt how Negan hungrily claimed them while a content growl rumbled up his throat and vibrated against your lips. “Didn’t plan to leave you without that”, you mumbled with a small grin against his lips as you saw the smirk on his lips widening. “The kiss or the quickie?…Or fuckin’ both?”, he teasingly asked, biting his lip as you shoved his chest playfully and grinned against his lips. “The kiss.”
Every step closer to the front door felt like heavy metal boulders were tied to your feet and you knew that those boulders would just become heavier as soon as you would leave the house and make your way towards the trucks. Your mind was already trying to figure out how to act around them until you grabbed the front door’s handle and threw all those thoughts over board before you’d rack your brain completely.
People were buzzing over Alexandria’s streets, some familiar some complete strangers that must have moved here from the Kingdom to help rebuilding this place. You hadn’t seen Alexandria this vivid in a long time nor had you ever seen this many people here at once. For the first time since you were back you saw everything at day not at night like you had seen it when you had walked right next to the men that were carrying an unconscious and blood overflowed Negan. There were indeed a few houses that were completely destroyed by the flames from that one night while others were just partly damaged and were adorned with the coal black ashes on their walls.
Your hand tightened around the belts of the big, black sports bag you had found back in the house that would soon be home to the clothes and other personal things you would take from the Sanctuary right back to Alexandria. And just as you could feel your fingers beginning to nervously play with the loose threads on the belts you found yourself walking closer and closer to the truck. Aaron, Tara and Rosita were the only people of the ones that were rushing around the trucks that looked familiar to you, while the others must have been helpers from other communities as well. Heavily gulping you made your way towards them, already tensing up some more until you were that close that you could see them noticing you.
A tensed “Hi” from your side and a quick and cold nod of each of them but Aaron who actually greeted you back, later you found yourself in one of the trucks, staring at the wooden floor while tried to keep your mind occupied by fumbling on the bags belts. There were only three unfamiliar people next to the three and you in the truck, a man at the driving wheel and a blonde woman and a brunette man who sat next to your old friends and almost symbolically build a wall between you and them, along with the boxes of glass that must have been for the destroyed windows of the Sanctuary.
Moving on from the bag’s belts your fingers began to play with the tiny diamonds of Negan’s bracelet for you, your fingertips rolling them to and fro between them while you tried to form a list of things in your mind you could take from the Sanctuary. A small grin forced itself up on your lips as you thought about the last moments before you had left Negan’s patient room, still hearing him telling you with a big grin on his lips to not forget his red scarf. And exactly that grin told you along with the wolfish glance in his eyes that wrapping the red fabric around his neck wouldn’t be his intended use for it. You bit down your lip, trying to keep a little of the amusement of the grin in your body as you caught yourself realizing that he hadn’t even asked for more or specific things you could bring back and your suspected reason for it seemed to be the same why you also had a hard time going back.
As soon as this was done, as soon as you would have the bag packed and leave the apartment, it was over. It would have something final and ultimate, just like it would have it for Negan as soon as you would give him those things from the place he still called home whenever he spoke about it. As unrealistic and impossible as it was, here and there you could still catch the hope in his eyes that he could go back, even though either of you knew that this wasn’t going to happen. You clenched your jaw slightly as your thoughts just buzzed around the apartment, the uneasiness growing even more as you knew that this place had been a home to you as well. More of a home than Alexandria felt like now. It wasn’t the burned houses or the unfamiliar people, it was the feeling of not being welcome, of maybe not even being right there. The only person that made it feel like home right now was Negan in his patient room and you knew that the apartment would feel odd and uncomfortable as well without him. This all created a feeling in your whole body you couldn’t even properly describe, all you knew was that you wanted to get rid of it .
“We’re in about a half hour there”, you heard the man at the driving wheel say after something that felt even more than the couple of hours that it normally took to come across the distance between the two communities. “What’s that bag for?”, you suddenly heard Tara ask as her voice let your glance snap up, before it caught her face that nodded towards the bag that still stood between your legs on the floor. “Gotta get some stuff back to Alexandria”, you said with a small tight breath before you clenched your jaw slightly ,”…and some new clothes for Negan.” You knew that his name out of your mouth would provoke something in them, but still you had to say what you were about to do. You couldn’t risk to have them ending up looking into the bag and thinking you were bringing stuff for Negan you weren’t allowed to bring back or even have them taking it away. It took milliseconds for Tara’s glance to turn even colder, her brows puckering as the muscles in her cheeks and her lips twitched angrily. “Tara”, you heard Aaron say, his voice calm as he reached out to her. “Aren’t you ever ashamed?”, she hissed, her voice as sharp as a razor blade as her glare gored through you and caused the by now almost familiar shiver of uneasiness and tension. You gulped, her glance still darting at you before a scoff left her lips as you first didn’t answer to her snarky question. “Would you believe me if I’d answer?”, you asked, trying to keep your voice as firm as you could while you forced yourself to look at her. Clenching her jaw Tara stared at you, her eyes still as cold as ice and just like you were already expecting, she didn’t answer, she just looked away from you.
The last half hour in the truck was unsurprisingly filled with an icy atmosphere. Your eyes were focused on the see-through part of the tarp that let you witness how the surrounding area was becoming more and more familiar with each moment you kept driving. Your hands were back a fumbling on the bag’s belts, expressing the tension that began to build up until it got ultimately topped as your eyes saw the Sanctuary’s fences and its tall building becoming closer and you eventually felt the truck stopping and the engine hushing. “Hey. You got the glass?”, you heard the voice of D.J. say, the Savior that had also been at the gates the last time you had entered these walls before the last battle took place. “Yeah, got two other trucks coming a few minutes later, just so you know”, the man at the wheel said before the gates opened and the truck drove onto the Sanctuary’s compound. Your stomach wrenched and your ribcage seemed to press all air out of your lungs when your eyes caught more and more of the Sanctuary and everything that was emotionally tied to it.
The voices of your old friends and the new people mixed as they began to talk about where to start first, where to get the glass and where it might be most needed. Then, the truck stopped again just as your glance caught one of the Sanctuary’s main entrances and by sitting right at the trucks end and the gap that in the tarp that was used as exist, you knew that you had to be the first one to walk out. Feeling how a tight breath left your lips you grabbed the bag’s belts and stood up, your legs not only wobbly through sitting for so long but also by the thought of jumping out of the truck.
And then you did. Hearing the earthy ground scrunching beneath your feet, you grabbed the bag tighter and made yourself walk a few steps to let the others get out as well. People were all over the place, working on the damaged windows or on new made vegetable fields along the walls. Some eyes wandered over at you, a little confusion or even surprise in them as if they were wondering what you were about to do here. Somewhere in between the new crops you could see Laura getting up on her feet before she made her way over to the trucks, her glance brushing over you before she walked towards Aaron and Tara. Looking around, you knew that they hadn’t found someone to lead this place yet and you were sure that it would stay for a while this way if not maybe Negan’s former high ranking saviors would take the lead together over.
A little helpless you stood there next to the wall, unsure what to exactly do next. Just going to get yours and Negan’s stuff without even asking if you could help them would provoke them even more even though you doubted as well that they wanted you there with them. So you awkwardly waited until Laura had stopped talking to them and finally saw Aaron walking towards you, already carrying a box with new glass in his arms. If anyone of them was going to give you a proper answer, then him. ”Do you-”, you began just to get stopped as you waited until he looked at you ,”Do you need my help here?” ”Think it’s better if you get your stuff first. We’ll get along”, he tensely said, his voice sounding kinder then the words did before he gave you a quick nod and kept walking. Gulping you looked for a short moment after him before you knew that this was the time for you to get inside and get it all done.
Minutes later you found yourself walking through familiar hallways. Even though you had rarely walked through them alone, you caught yourself finding your way easily through the labyrinth of the first floors until you could get to the stair case that directly led up to the floor of your and Negan’s old apartment.
Taking a deep breath you slipped into the staircase that was just as faintly enlightened as always, even though the way up felt harder than ever before as soon as you made the first step up. Tightening your grip on the bag you climbed up the stairs, passing floor by floor while you tried to keep the memories that wanted to slip into your head from succeeding. The room alone would already give you a hard time and for your mind’s and heart’s sake you didn’t need to start this whole nostalgia thing even earlier.
And then, the last heavy metal door laid right in front of you, behind it the more than familiar hallway you had walked through uncountable times with Negan. Clenching your jaw you scolded yourself, trying to pull yourself together before you eventually grabbed the door’s handle and stemmed it open.
Step by step you got closer to your old room, your heart beginning to pound harder before you finally stood right in front of it. The heavy wooden door was still as impressive as when you had first seen it and even though your mind had imagined over and over again how it would be to be in the apartment again, it had only a few very small times switched to the moment you had to open this door and step in. And it was even harder than you had thought.
”Fuck”, you cursed, half about yourself and half about what was about to wait for you before you grabbed the door’s handle and quickly pushed it open, as if you wanted to use the method of pulling a patch quickly off to reduce the pain on the door.
And this might have worked for the door but as soon as you looked into the familiar and homey apartment, you knew that you were already damned to stay in here for a little longer.
Everything was like you had left it. Every little thing. The only thing that had changed was a bit dust that had already found its way onto the furniture but the rest was exactly the same.
You knew you should get this over with fast, you exactly knew that this was most certainly the more painless way to deal with it all but you already knew you couldn’t. You couldn’t just check it off like it was nothing. If anything was displaying the journey of the last months, whether it was the general journey of it all or the journey of hating Negan with all your guts to turning to feel the very way you felt now for him, then it was this damn room. This room was packed with memories, obviously also some painful ones but the positive were outweighing them by far, especially the ones you had made over the last time.
Shifting uncomfortably over the dark wooden floorboards, you realized more and more through what kind of torture you were about to put yourself. Trying to keep your mind occupied you forced yourself to think of the imaginary list you had made in the truck and the very first bulletpoint on it were clothes.
Slowly, you began to open the closet’s doors until you got the full insight into it and could gradually begin to grab the clothes you needed. Unsurprisingly most of them were Negan’s famous white shirts, a few lonesome grey ones hiding in between them, while you felt a small grin forming on your lips as you shook your head about the unbelievable amount he’s had of them. You had worn them too here and there, and just like everything else, the way you had worn them had changed over all this time too. At first with annoyance when he had made you move over to the apartment after an attack and didn’t have anything else than lingerie or one of his white shirt over here to let you sleep in, to wearing it after nightmares had left your own sleeping clothes soaked in cold sweat and the shirt would take their place until Negan could get you new ones the next morning, to feeling comfort when you quickly pulled them over after a shower and felt his scent enclosing you.
Trying to keep the small grin and the bit of amusement it brought you in your body, you moved on to his boxers, grabbing those you’d liked to see best on him before your eyes caught some red fabric peeking out behind his underwear. With a soft chuckle you eventually pulled the familiar red scarf out of the closet’s back, Negan’s wolfish remark echoing through your head before you folded it and laid it securely into the bag.
A bunch of shirts and your own clothes later you found yourself back on the leather couch to let your glance wander beneath the coffeetable in order to find out if it had something you needed as well. But instead of something useable you found yourself sinking deeper into the soft and by the sun rays that streamed through the big windows slightly heated leather, that still was as comforting and comfortable as before.
“Hey Sweetheart”, you heard Negan say with a big grin on his lips as he shut the door behind himself, his brows perking with a chuckle up as soon as he caught the books and magazines spread out on the coffeetable. All of them served as a timekiller for the already long while you had to stay in the apartment, just to not be seen by any of his people to make it look like you had gotten a punishment since Negan couldn’t bring himself to punish or hurt you just in any way, even if you had killed some of his man the day the war started.
”Now you’ve moved to the couch?”, Negan asked with a chuckle as he slid his leatherjacket off his arms and nodded over to you. “Yeah”, you chuckled, before you held the magazine in your hand up. “Wanna know how to make your very own sun hat?”, you joked with a small laugh as you caught Negan walking still widely grinning over to you, right before he picked one of the magazines on the coffeetable up and flicked through it. “Spring fashion…what the fuck”, he chuckled with a small groan before his eyes widened and he turned the magazine in his hands to reveal an odd neon pink and orange gown ,”Holy hell who the fuck would wear that crap.” Laughing you looked up at him, remembering having the exact same reaction when you had thumbed through the magazine and found this awful dress boasting on one of its glossy sites. “Just fucking imagine seeing some dead fucker wearing that shit. I’d laugh my ass off instead of killing that asshole. That shit would make me punch my own fucking ticket”, Negan laughed as he let himself fall next to you, tossing the magazine back on the pile of mags that had a wild mix of all possible topics, from fashion to outdoor adventures that were actually a lot more entertaining than the awful gowns in most of the glossy fashion magazines.
“Ah wait, then you haven’t seen this one here yet”, you chuckled as you leaned forward and grabbed one of the magazines from your “read” pile before you flipped through it and found the page you were looking for. “Je-sus”, Negan scoffed before he throatily chuckled as he looked at the metallic outfit that looked like someone was trying to animate aliens to beep them up into their ufo. Chuckling, you tossed the magazine on the pile again and leaned yourself back, only to feel Negan’s arm as addition to the comfortable leather. Seeing him from the corner of your eyes smirk slightly he curled the arm around you and even though you had a hard time admitting it, it felt good, even natural if you had to be completely honest. So you allowed him to pull you a bit closer just before you heard his throaty chuckle again. “That one would for fucking sure look good on you”, he chuckled, biting his lip and rising his brows suggestively as he showed you the shortest and most revealing dress he seemed to be able to find. “Shit, Negan”, you chuckled groaning as you nudged your elbow playfully into his side before you heard him let out another throaty chuckle. “What’s with that book?”, he asked as he nodded over to one of the three books on the table that had as exception a small bookmark laying in between the sheets at its beginning. “It’s alright but it hasn’t really caught me yet, so I might try myself through some to keep me busy”, you said with a small and soft chuckle, just before you looked at him and saw the grin playing around the corners of his lips. “I’d know one you’d fucking like and which would keep you busy for sure. Probably wouldn’t be able to put it down”, Negan said, as he pulled you a little closer, his eyes roaming over your face and letting something rise in you you were already trying to deny. “Alright, so what is it about?”, you asked, trying to keep yourself from letting any other feeling create in you and also to trying to actually find out what that book was. You could need some proper time killer and making fun of the horrible stuff in those fashion magazines wouldn’t last for too long anymore. “Some great guy, charismatic as shit”, Negan chuckled, before he continued ,”Real good at baseball, got some beachball sized balls…in every kinda possible way and-” With that he looked at you, the smirk widening as the corners of his lips slightly twitched and made you nudge him a little harder into his side. “You’re screwing with me”, you chuckled just as you heard his booming laugh sounding through the room as he looked at you. “Nah but I’d like to do that”, he added with a grin as you shook your head with a chuckle about him and felt him letting you sink a little more next to him. “Got something else you think would keep you busy? Now in all fucking seriousness”, he asked, his free hand running over his salt and pepper stubble. “Mhmm?”, he asked as you did’t directly answer ,”Saw you doodling some stuff on some papers…you could try drawing some kinda nude study of me.” “So much about seriousness, huh?”, you teased as you looked into his grinning face. “Oh that was serious”, he chuckled teasingly before he gave your waist a small squeeze. “I’ll think something up for ya”, he eventually said before as looked back up into his eyes,”Trust me?” Just to tease him you perked your brows up, just as a small revenge for his remarks from earlier. ”Come on”, he chuckled just before you laughed quietly and gave him a nod. “Yeah, I do.”
It ended up being even more magazines and books, an empty notebook to doodle stuff in or write the things down that needed to get out of your head and even some intern stuff of the Sanctuary that needed to be done after you had told him that when you couldn’t do anything outside the room you might as well make yourself useful on some other way. The idea of the books was in the end what got you now back on your feet, even though both your mind and your body longed to lay longer on the soft, black leather. Slowly, you made your way towards the tall shelves, crouching down to get to the books that were still beaded in a line on the dark wood. There was one book Negan had found and excitedly told you about, one he told you he’d always wanted to give a try even before the world had gone to shit but had never got himself to actually do it. You could remember some pinpoints of the story from the short summary on the book’s back. A successful athlete who was father of a sick child for which he suddenly couldn’t provide the treatment for after his career abruptly ended and who began to head for the gutter and had to eventually slip into criminal circles to get the money to save his kid. You could remember beginning it and actually liking it, but the events of the war had made you stop reading it and had never let you continue as well. So now you knew that you were about to face some harder times together as soon as he would have switch the infirmary to the cell and maybe he could fill some time with reading something he always wanted to try anyway. Either way, maybe it could cheer him at least a bit up.
Your fingers slid along the book’s backs, trying to find the black book with the sliver fonts on its side before your eyes caught the silky looking cover. Quickly you pulled it out and laid it into the bag before your eyes caught the cover of the DVD you had watched with Negan in that one night in which he had just decided to tune out along with you. During the time of your acted punishment it would have brought too much attention to carry a TV inside the apartment but in that part of the night everything had just fallen perfectly in line. A small smile pressed into the corners of your lips as you remembered the night after you had made up with him and had bonded stronger than ever before and in which you had felt as lighthearted and happy as you could. Diving deeper into your memories you suddenly remembered the bars of chocolate you had began to eat in that night of which one had stayed surprisingly untouched and probably still laid in Negan’s nightstand.
Forcing yourself up on your feet, you grabbed the bag and walked back to the bed, sat yourself onto its soft mattress and reached out to Negan’s nightstand before slowly opening it just as your eyes caught the few things that laid in the drawer. The chocolate bar, the oil and some cloth he always used to clean Lucille up, some white bandages to wrap around his wrist and the massage oil he had used for your aching back. As planned you took the chocolate, but added the massage oil and the oil for Lucille as well to the things that found their home in the bag. You weren’t even sure if you would be able to use these things once you are back in Alexandria, but your nostalgia and hope that you could make the best out of the situation urged you to let them slide into the bag and cover them a bit with Negan’s shirts, just in case. Just as you closed the nightstand’s drawer again the list of things you definitely had to take with you popped up in your head again and with that something that didn’t lay in Negan’s drawer, but in yours. Carl’s letter.
Slightly gulping you climbed over the bed, reaching out for the drawer before you opened it and saw the white paper sheet that had your name weakly and a little scrawly written on it. You softly took it into your hand and pushed the drawer shut again before you found yourself sitting in the middle of the bed while your eyes got a glimpse of the letter’s the last sentence. ”After all this, I hope you’ll get the life you wish for, I really hope you’ll be happy. You deserve it.” You heavily gulped, trying to keep the lump in your throat from developing before you scolded yourself and let out a deep sigh. You were going to be happy and you were going to be happy with Negan, no matter if there was a goddamn cell involved or not. You were gonna make the best of it, regardless of how hard it might turn out to be. And some day, some day they would listen to you, maybe even your half brother Daryl to which last encounter on the battlefield you didn’t even want to think back. Either way, you would try to make it all better, even if it was gonna take a lot work and time and even if you had to force yourself countless times to stay positive. With that thought you found yourself sinking down onto the mattress, your skin feeling the soft fabric of the sheets while your fingertips brushed against the comfy pillows as the familiar scent enclosed you for a few moments. And neither your mind nor your body fought against the urge to just be a tiny bit at peace for a moment and dived back to the morning after the movie night.
Warm breath ghosted over your face as you slowly began to slip out of the deep sleep’s grasp, slowly beginning to realize that the warmth that was surrounding you was his, just like the soft touches. “Morning, Sweetheart”, you heard him say as you slowly opened your eyes and saw him looking with sleepy eyes at you, his lips curled into the mix of a grin and a smile as he leaned down to let them caress over yours. Waking up this way, with him kissing you awake was still something new to you even though a lot about his closeness and touch felt deeply familiar. “Morning”, you mumbled with a smile against his lips, feeling him pecking your lips again before you could feel him leaning down to press a kiss on your neck, just to teasingly scratch his beard stubble over your sensitive skin, his grin already revealing that he exactly knew what he was provoking. “Shit Negan, that tickles”, you drowsily chuckled as you squirmed beneath him just as you heard his laugh. “Like that?”, he teasingly asked as he scratched his bread stubble once again over the side of your neck, letting you break out in small giggles once again. “Yeah”, you laughed, trying to wiggle yourself free just before you felt his arms tightening a little more around you. “Oh you asshole”, you chuckled as he scratched his stubbly cheek once again over your skin, letting you squirm and laugh beneath him. “Think I can live with being that kinda asshole”, he chuckled against your skin before he looked up at you with his messy bedhead and the sleepy but with playful amusement filled eyes, a bit of the relief that you finally had settled everything still displaying in them along with the lightheartedness of the morning that belonged just to you and not the war or anything else. “Yeah I can feel that”, you said with a chuckle, already catching yourself how you began to lose yourself in his eyes once again.
You kept laying there for a few more moments, just like that before you knew that you had to go on, you couldn’t keep on dwelling in the past even if it was tempting. With a deep sigh you forced yourself up into a sitting position again, just before you went down your list of things you needed. You only headed over to the bathroom after that, checking if there was anything you had left before you found yourself standing in the room and looking around, your mind trying to find something that you could get so you could stay a little longer before you had to realize that you had checked the whole list off.
And then you found yourself standing with the bag in your hands at the heavy, wooden door, your glance wandering over it before you heavily gulped.
So that was it.
Hell, at the beginning you would have betted anything on never missing this whole place, you would have been glad to be anywhere else. And now you stood there, with a thick lump in your throat, thousands of nostalgic memories rushing through your head while you most definitely knew that your opinion from back then had developed into the opposite. And in some odd way, this room was the place where you had seen the real Negan with all his sides and especially the ones he wasn’t showing anybody else than you. If you would even try to start to counting all the events up that had happened in here you would stand some more days right there on the spot. But after all, not everything about this was bad, you were alive, Negan was alive and that was after everything not self-evidently. This room wasn’t the same without him and that was the point, you had him and that mattered more than any room, any place, any person that talked shit about you or him.
And with that thought you could finally grab the door handle and stem the heavy door once more open before leaving the room behind yourself.
The sun was still shining brightly when you found yourself back on the courtyard, people still buzzing around as you shoved the bag into the Truck, right beneath the bench where you had sat earlier.
A little uneasily you looked around, trying to figure out what to do before you saw Aaron walking around the corner and right back into your direction. “We need some people who carry the glass from Block A to C. Could you help?”, he asked as he arrived, small strained breaths leaving his lips and some sweat glistening on his skin as evidence for the work he had already done. With a small smile you gave him a nod, glad that he at least wasn’t as cold as Tara before you made your way over to Block A.
The boxes with glass were spread all over the cemented ground, people picking them up one by one as you made your way closer. Just as you leaned down to grab one box your eyes caught one of the persons you had completely suppressed. Amber. In unusual casual clothes, with a flannel and some jeans instead of the black dress she had worn till the end. Turning your face to the box instead of to her you remembered your last cold and silent encounter after Negan had left them for you and right now, you really didn’t need to meet her in any kind of way again. With a small strained breath you heft the boy up, catching from the corners of your eyes how she had caught you in the room as well before you headed over to the entrance. The people that streamed in and out making it not easier for you as the box in your arms got heavier with each step. Concentrating on the box with glass you maneuvered your path through the people and some more boxes before you heard a familiar cold voice again. “What are you doing there?”, you heard Tara’s voice hiss, just as cold and snarky as before while you looked up at her and caught Amber from the corner of your eyes walking right in these moments past you, her glance brushing over Tara and you before you spoke up. “Thought I could help. Aaron asked me”, you said as calm as you could, just to see Tara nodding slowly before she clenched her jaw and made her way back to Block A.
Huffing you made your way over to C, your mood falling just by the thought that Amber out of all people had seen Tara scolding at you and could with that most certainly put two and two together and see that you had problems with your old group. Something that must be like a good fodder for her and something she might have just waited for after everything she had already done to make it harder for you. Clenching your jaw slightly you moved into C, and found a place where to put the glass. With a tight breath you stemmed it up on a small counter, just before you heard the crinkling of some glass beside you as it got put down as well. “Looks like anybody gets what they deserve, huh?”, you heard her voice say, with the same disgusting relish you had expected it to be. Looking up she caught your glance as you stayed cold and mostly calm, surpassing your urge to scoff and even spat something at her as you by all means didn’t want to give her the satisfaction she was yearning for with that remark that couldn’t only be be darted at you, but most certainly also at Negan’s life sentence as well. Your eyes caught the bruises and small wounds she had from working again, something that wasn’t anything she had done for a very long time and which were now along with the normal and even partly dirt stained clothing replacing the black dress and the jewelry. You found her shifting beneath your glance on the arguments against her that were laying right on her body before you looked up again, trying to keep yourself levelheaded. “Yeah, probably”, you just said back, the tone of your voice slightly snide, your glance still cold as her brows began to pucker angrily before you turned around and made your way outside.
It didn’t took too long anymore until you found yourself back in the truck, the last step of leaving the Sanctuary as your home behind was done when you found it becoming smaller and smaller through the window in the truck’s side. It still felt odd and even oppressive but you had something to look forward to. In a few hours you could walk back into the infirmary and find Negan peacefully asleep, could sink down on his warm chest, hook your leg around him to keep yourself on the narrow bed while his rising and falling chest could dandle you into a peaceful sleep. And that was pretty much all you wanted right now.
“So you rescheduled to go to the Hilltop first now and get the supplies from the Sanctuary there?”, Aaron asked as he shifted slightly on the bench and looked to the truck’s front. By the sound of this sentence you flinched slightly up, your body tensing even more as you heard the “Yes” leaving the lips of the man at the steering wheel. You could hear your pulse pounding in your ear just by the thought of the Hilltop and especially even more by the thought of that one person next to Maggie you would be forced to meet again.
A little belated imagine for Mother’s Day, anyway hope you enjoy it!
The sun was already shining softly through the windows as the lack of your husband’s arms around you began to wake you up, combined with the soft kicking of your unborn daughter that let you eventually completely escape the sleep’s grasp. Quietly yawning you opened your eyes, your sleepy and still a little muddled glance searching for Negan before you heard his voice on the floor and began to slowly remember what kind of day was today. “There we go”, you heard Negan quietly and still drowsily say before you heard your son’s yawn being followed by his dad’s familiar throaty chuckle ,”You look like a fucking rockstar with that damn bedhead.” “Alright, now we really gotta get downstairs”, you heard his voice again, trying to keep quiet before you heard quick but small footsteps rushing down the stairs,“Hey Buddy, be fucking careful-” “Now if I had your energy in the fucking mornings…”, Negan’s deep voice followed the steps with a chuckling huff before his heavy steps made their way down the stairs. “Daddy?”, you heard your son’s voice ask, now sounding quieter than before as they headed further away. “Yeah, Bud?”, Negan voice asked, a small yawn interrupting him before you heard a door shut.
You could hear them rummaging in the kitchen as a smile formed on your face while you heard their laughs and voices mixing, before they got more silent again as Negan must have remembered that his plan still implied to not wake you up and keep you in the land of slumber. Quietly yawning you sunk a little deeper into the pillows, trying to keep yourself comfortable as you pulled the sheets a little more over your body. For a bit, your eyes closed again, letting you dwell somewhere between being awake and dozing softly away. The air filled with the delicious scent of baking pancakes and brewing coffee before you heard the door opening again, just like Negan’s deep voice.
“Holy hell, now how did you get that batter off? That shit was fucking everywhere”, you heard him ask with a soft chuckle. “Balu licked it up”, your son’s voice said just as his words let you directly picture how your dog took gladly care of the mess of batter and half baked pancakes your son must have created. “Oh my…”, Negan chuckled, the throatiness and deepness of his laugh rumbling through his chest as you could hear him trying to stifle it to not let it form into the booming and loud laugh you knew too well as well. “Okay, then we’ll get the rest off now, ya coming with me, Bud?”, you heard him ask just before the mix of his heavy and your son’s small footsteps mixed as the wooden floorboards squeaked quietly beneath them.
Feeling how a bigger smile grew on your lips you cuddled yourself a little more into the sheets, your eyes laying on the leant door before you felt the soft kicking of your baby daughter again. Smiling you let your hand slide down to your stomach while you were more than glad that she was turning her kicks into a morning routine instead of a nightly workout. Slowly you let your fingers begin to draw small circles over the soft fabric of your loose nightdress just as she kicked again. If Negan was next to you in bed now, he’d be looking widely smiling at your baby bump, letting his large hand rest on your skin to feel the next kick just to excitedly grin and softly chuckle as soon as he could feel it. He was still acting with the very same excitement about every kick he could feel as he have had in your first pregnancy, with the only exception that he was now also motivating your son to be just as excited about the kicks of his little sister.
The sound of footsteps coming up the stairs dragged you out of your thoughts just before you heard them coming a little closer to the bedroom. “Alright Buddy, we gotta be quiet. We want it to be a fuckin’ surprise for Mommy, right?”, you heard Negan quietly say, just as you had to keep a chuckle in to keep them in the illusion that you were still sleeping and hadn’t woken up before they had even started to turn their surprise plans into reality. “Perfect, got your presents ready, big guy?”, you heard your husband ask next while the tasty scent of the pancakes he must carry with him was beginning to fill the air more and more up. “Will Mommy like it?”, you heard your son mumble just before you heard Negan’s voice sounding through to you once again. “Of course she will, you made it. She’ll fucking love it” They shifted a little more over the floorboards until you heard Negan’s chuckle rumbling through his chest. “Ah wait, shit Buddy you still got some fucking pancake batter in your hair”, he mumbled, chuckling quietly once again as you heard their voices right before the door. You closed your eyes, pretending to be still asleep while trying your very best to keep the small grin and smile off your lips as you quietly leaned a little deeper into the soft pillows. “Alright, here you go”, you heard Negan say just before you could hear the door beginning to slowly open ,“ Now lets get inside, Bud.”
Softly you heard your son taping over the floor, followed by his dad’s heavy footsteps, before you could hear him climbing up the bed. Slowly, he began to shift over to you as you still tried to do your very best to look as asleep as you could until you felt your sons small hand placing on your arm. “Mommy, wake up”, you heard him quietly say as he stroke over your arm just before you opened your eyes and saw into his widely smiling face and the familiar hazel eyes. “Hey, Boo”, you said softly, your eyes wandering to his arms that were carrying his presents for you, struggling to keep all of them in his small embrace as your glance trailed over them. A self-drawn picture, a light pink rose of which Negan must’ve cut the thorns off earlier and a light blue package that was carrying your favorite body butter inside which the both of them must have secretly bought. “Happy Mother’s Day”, he said smiling, finally releasing his presents right next to you. “Aw thank you”, you said with a happy smile as you sat yourself a little up and opened your arms for him as he chuckled softly, “Come here.” Feeling him falling dashingly into your embrace as he hugged you, you wrapped your arms around his small body and finally saw Negan coming towards you, carrying a tablet with the pancakes and some hot steaming coffee. He had a mix of a big smile and a smirk planted across his face, his tongue slid slowly over his lower lip before he placed the tablet right next to you on the nightstand and leaned down to let his lips meet yours. Gently, his lips caressed yours as his beard stubble tickled you, his hand slightly cupping the side of your face before he let go. “Happy Mother’s Day, Sweetheart. You’re the fucking best”, he mumbled against your lips with another smile before backing slightly away as he sat himself next to you on the edge of the bed. “This is awesome, thank you both”, you said brightly smiling, feeling how your son moved slowly out of your embrace before he could sit himself up. Slowly, he leaned himself down until he could lay his head on your bump just like Negan had shown him and told him that his baby sister was for sure gonna feel when he was hugging your belly. Smiling you let your glance wander back to Negan as he looked smirking at you, his dark hair still a little tousled from the night just before he leaned in to you again and gave you another soft peck. “Got some other fucking present for tonight too”, you heard him mumble quietly but audibly grinning and with that wolfish tone of his into your ear before you left out a chuckle and shoved his chest playfully just to hear his throaty chuckle rumbling up his throat. “She kicked, Mommy!”, your son suddenly enthusiastically called out just as you could feel your daughter moving again. “Yeah, she’s excited too”, you chuckled, stroking softly over your son’s back as he looked abuzz at your belly just before you could hear Negan’s chuckle once again, followed by his deep voice. “Alright so you’re gonna try our kickass pancakes now, Baby?”
Shortly after the world has gone south, the Reader meets the man she thought she would never see again
Request: “Could you do a Negan x reader story where it’s near the beginning of the outbreak and they end up helping each other through?” I had to change it a bit up to make the story properly work, but I hope y’all enjoy reading!
Soft sun rays streamed through the dusty windows as you slowly walked through the house, the floorboards creaking quietly beneath your shoes and the wooden handle of your knife securely in your hand as your eyes were attentively wandering over every possible source of a danger. Deadly danger to be exact, walkers that could have been just months or rather a good bunch of weeks ago living people you would see strolling over the street, talking to each other about the weather or complaining about their god awful jobs. Now they were nothing more than walking corpses, trying to rip the flesh off of your bones to assuage their seemingly unsatisfiable hunger and to strike you down just to eventually turn you after an unbearable torture of fever and sickness into one of them. Everything had happened so damn fast that it still sometimes felt as if you would wake up out of a nightmare any time. But you didn’t, this was the reality and you had to live with it, just like you had to live with the things you had seen and experienced over the last weeks that couldn’t have been any worse. A thick lump began to grow back in your throat as memories began to pop up in your mind, the tingling in your nose started to become heavier as tears began to shoot into your eyes just by the thought of the ones you had lost in this short period of time. The pain was still unbearable, your only option was suppressing it and bottling it securely up if you didn’t want it to tear you even more apart than it already had. With a shaky breath you looked down at yourself, your glance catching the knife in your hand your mom had carried with herself just until a week ago. Just until you had lost her as well, just like anybody else before. The damn knife was the very last thing you had left from anyone of your family, the very last thing you could hold onto even though it was just some wood and a blade. Everything else was gone, everyone else was gone.
Chocking back the tears that wanted to fight for their release you bit your lip, trying to keep the grief from taking over as you slowly made your way over to a wooden commode. Carefully you opened the first drawer that was filled with nothing but bills and other random paperwork of the person who must have lived here before. With a huff you closed it again, your eyes wandering for a short moment around yourself to make sure that you were still alone before you moved on to the second drawer, a small part of you hoping that you would at least find something useful there.
Your hands ran through it the drawer that seemed to have been store for odds and ends before your glance caught a small black and plastic wrapper, it’s surface adorned with some pretty golden font that was oddly familiar to you while its writing told you about its inside. A chocolate filled cookie. A small chuckling scoff left your lips as you picked it up, finding yourself being thrown at with memories once again. For anyone else this would have been just a lucky catch, a chocolate cookie in the goddamn apocalypse was after all a pretty nice treat but for you, this pastry meant more, way more to you. It brought you right back to the time the world hadn’t been roamed by the dead, to the time where you still had the small side job in the local coffee house and even more, it brought you back to a special costumer of yours.
The coffee house was surprisingly chock-full as you heard the voices of the chatting costumers mixing with the busy ones of your colleagues while you filled new milk into the coffee machine, glad to be able to stay at the bar instead of having to run through the bustling people. Grabbing a small cloth you cleaned the wooden counter up, keeping an eye on walk-in costumers before your eyes caught someone walking through the door. A tall man, with dark, if not black hair that was carefully slicked back, a salt and pepper beard was lingering around his lips that seemed as if they were constantly curled into a small grin or smirk and hazel eyes that could glue anyone right to the spot. You had seen him pretty often here over the last time but had never been the one to take his order even though today seemed to be the very day this was gonna change.
Watching your colleagues buzzing busily through the room you caught him walking towards you, his eyes darting at you before he leaned himself against the counter and looked grinning at you. ”Hey, two coffees to-go please”, he said, his deep voice letting a shiver run through your body before you internally scolded and pulled yourself together. ”With sugar or milk?”, you asked with a friendly smile, beginning to let the coffee machine pour the dark liquid into two paper cups. ”One with milk, the other black”, he said, the grin still lingering on his lips while his tongue slowly slid over his lower lip, before it got captured between his teeth. ”Sure thing”, you said, feeling how his hazel eyes that were still darting at you began to let you feel their effect more than you liked to admit. ”Alright, here you go”, you eventually said, with the two ready coffees in your hands just before placing them in front of him on the counter. Quickly, you crouched down to get two cookies for each coffee out of the small and different boxes beneath the bar, before your hasty hands grabbed them. Standing back up, you reached out to place them next to the cups, your mind swinging somewhere else than you wanted before you felt the hot surface of the cups touching your knuckles and the next thing you heard was the man’s gasp.
With widened eyes they caught the coffee cup falling down against his pants, a storm of curse words whirling immediately through your head. Great job, great fucking job. “Fuck”, you gasped, already making your way around the bar to walk over to him, your head turning with each moment more into the shade of a ripe tomato, “Oh god, I’m so sorry.” “it’s fucking fine”, he calmly said, picking up the cup and placing it back on the countertop before he stroke over the coffee daubed part of his shirt and pants. “Wait, I’ll get you some wet cloth”, you quickly said, your mind still scolding yourself as you rushed back behind the corner to grab a small towel before wetting it thoroughly. Now you had this handsome costumer for fucking once and sure, you just had to fuck it up and be a little damn wreck. God, what the hell was wrong with you? “Might be a little better here”, you heard him say as you looked back up, catching him trying to get out of the way of the people and your busy colleagues while he nodded into the hallway that lead into the café’s back. “Yeah, probably”, you said back, forcing a small smile onto your lips as you walked with him back into the hallway.
“Shit”, you mumbled just a bit later, your hand sliding covered in the wet cloth over his pant’s side, “I’m sorry, really” “No fucking problem, we might just get in trouble if your boss comes in now”, you heard his deep voice chuckle quietly before you looked irritated up at him. “Why?”, you asked before you saw his fingers making a swift movement around you, your mind beginning to realize what your crouching and more than suggestive position in front of him had to look like to anyone who would walk in now. “Oh…shit”, you scoffed, the blush that had vanished over the last minutes from your face coming back up again as it heated your cheeks up. Other costumers would have made a big deal out of it all, but he was actually being really nice and calm, cracking a joking remark here and there as if he was trying to loose you up as well. And you couldn’t deny that he was successful with it.
“If you’re coming late to work because of this I’m sorry”, you mumbled, finally seeing how the color of the coffee was beginning to fade. “No not work”, he said as the wet cloth slid over the white shirt ,”My wife’s in the hospital right down the street, I was early anyway. Gotta thank you, now I don’t have to wait in those cold ass hallways. Gonna be right on point after her radiotherapy-” Right there he stopped, the amused sound in his voice vanished as your eyes glimpsed up, realizing what radiotherapy meant for the reason his wife was in hospital. “Cancer…I uhm-”, he began, letting out a humorless, even nervous chuckle before he gulped down while you could feel all kinds of feelings from before vanishing out of your mind and body and instead got replaced with compassion. You knew what this kind of illness was doing to people and their loved ones, you had experienced it as a kid with one of your family members as well and now, there was this man standing in front of you, clearly uncomfortable and trying to get himself out of the mess he was sliding in. “She likes that coffee here best, so I guess that’s gonna make her day a little better”, you heard him quickly add, trying to get back to the casual and confident attitude he was usually carrying while forcing the grin back on his lips. “Yeah I’m sure of that. Also ‘cause the coffee in hospitals is always pretty shitty”, you added with a small smile, trying to loose the situation a bit up. “Hell yes, that some crappy gnat’s piss there… and they don’t have those great ass cookies. She fucking loves those fuckers with the chocolate mousse filling”, he added with a chuckle, the smile and grin on his lips now completely genuine as he had seemingly shook the tension off himself. “Oh yes, they’re the best.”
“The coffees are on me,…the cookies too”, you said a bunch of minutes later, as you placed the fresh coffees on the counter and a good handful of the chocolate filled cookies as well. “But they’re-”, he began, pointing at the cookies with a confused glance and puckered brows before you cut him off. “I know, it’s the little things, right?”, you said with a small smile, before you saw the one one his face widening. “Yeah”, he said with a smile as well, scratching his palm over his beard stubble ,“Holy hell, then thank you, bet that’s gonna make her day.” He gave you another smile as he grabbed the coffees and the cookies before´giving you a chuckling nod. “Till next time, coffee house girl.”
That was his nickname for you from this day on and just like the nickname sticked with you and escaped his lips anytime he stepped into the café, you kept on giving him the handful of chocolate filled cookies for his wife with him until it became some kind of tradition. Somehow you liked the idea of letting someone in hospital light up and even though they were just some cookies, you knew that those little things could actually bring up more happiness than one would guess. So he kept on coming into the coffee house, mostly every day, then other times with one or two days in between but he always ignored the other colleagues and walked straight up to you. It were always the two coffees and the cookies just like a talk about everything and anything, filled with his special kind of humor and with time, even some more serious topics. And next to the days you were at the café, he was quick with pointing the ones you weren’t there out too as he always ironically, dramatically and with a big grin on his lips complained about those days on which he didn’t get to make you blush, laugh or even cringe with his remarks and just got two cookies for him and his wife, that were to cap it all not even chocolate filled. You hadn’t even known his name for the most time but still, you couldn’t deny that you had caught yourself looking out for him on the usual times he came in and liking the small chats you had when you were preparing his coffees. Actually, they were even like a small break from the busy shifts.
“There she is, my favorite coffee house girl”, the familiar deep voice boomed as you watched him walking towards the bar and straight into your direction. “As always?”, you asked with a small chuckle as he leaned himself against the counter and rested his elbows on the dark wood. “Yep, as fucking always”, he said with a big grin, running his hand over the salt and pepper beard before you reached down to the box for the cookies with chocolate mousse filling. Crouching, you grabbed the last five ones of them that were lingering in the box’s back before standing back up and placing them onto the counter. “You’re lucky, these are our last ones with chocolate filling”, you said, nodding to the cookies as you began to make the coffees. “Well then thank fucking god”, he said with a small chuckle before he raised his voice again,“But I bet you would’ve kept those locked up for your favorite costumer, huh?” “Of course”, you chuckled, placing the first coffee next to the cookies while a throaty laugh left his lips. “By now, I got the feeling my wife likes you better than me”, he chuckled while a small laughing snort left your lips. “Now you should get them in the bag before my colleagues catch me”, you said, nodding towards the cookies before he grabbed them and got them into his pocket. “Feels like were dealing some kinda shit drugs”, he chuckled before he leaned himself back against the counter and looked at you, “And by the way, that shit has worked all the damn times before too.” “Nah not quite”, you said, as you saw the machine pouring the last bit of coffee into the second cup before your glance went back up at him. “Why?”, he asked, his brows puckering before the amused glance in his eyes began to vanish. “One of the others called me on about it”, you said with a small sigh, remembering the encounter about a week ago. “Shit, what did you say?”, he asked, his palm scratching over his stubbly cheek as his eyes were fixed on you. “That you paid extra for them”, you said as a small grin came back up onto your lips while you saw how his eyes lightened up again. “Good”, he said as you began to squeeze the plastic lid onto the coffee cup ,”Really don’t wanna get you in trouble for that.” “You don’t”, you said with a small smile, placing the second cup in front of him as he began to get his wallet out, his long fingers fumbling on the black leather. “Alright, then here you go”, he said with the mix of a smile and a smirk back as he placed the money in front of you before your eyes wandered in confusion over it. “That’s too much, way too-” “The rest’s for you and let me know some shit you like, can be what fucking ever. Just wanna give a bit back”, he said as your lips were still gaping surprised open while a small throaty chuckle rumbled through his chest. “That’s not necessary-” “It is”, he said, cutting you quickly off again before he gave you another smile, “Not only coming from me, also from the chocolate cookie loving woman in hospital and she’s insisting on it too.” “Alright, then thank you, and tell your wife thanks as well”, you said, the smile widening on your lips before you heard him speaking up as well. “Gonna do that for fucking sure. Oh and it’s Negan by the way, a bit fucking awkward that we still don’t know each other’s name after all that fucking time”, he chuckled but before you could respond you could hear the ringing of a phone coming out of his pant’s pocket, just before he let out a small huff, grabbed it, looked at the screen before looking back up to you. “Shit, gotta go. See ya tomorrow, coffee house girl.”
That was one of the last longer chats you had with him, after that, you could tell that his wife’s state was becoming worse with each day. He didn’t only come more rarely into the coffee house, the sorrow that must’ve eaten him more and more up had become visible with dark rings beneath his eyes, his hair hadn’t been as carefully slicked back as always and the grin that had normally lingered constantly on his lips had only curled slightly up for the bit he talked to you until he grabbed the coffees and cookies and made his way back to the hospital. Looking back, you couldn’t deny that you had caught yourself worrying more than once. But then a whole different problem emerged as the first news started to roll in, the first talks with friends about what the hell was going on started just like the thought that it was probably just a temporary problem until you were proved horribly wrong and had to see the madness with your own eyes.
“Can you get more coffee beans for the machine? They’re empty again”, Milly’s voice screeched loudly over the bar, her blonde hair hanging in messy strands into her face, almost symbolic for the stress the full coffee house was giving all of you before she stormed outside to the next costumers that were sitting down at the tables beneath the wide sunshades. Nodding you made your way into the back of the café until you had reached the small room filled with back ups before you began to search for another bag of coffee beans. “Oh come on”, you scoffed, your hands seeking unsuccessfully through the shelves until you finally got a glimpse of the brown bag you were searching for. Scoffing you grabbed its edge, just as a blood freezing scream made you flinch up, gun shots from outside booming into the coffee house as you already found yourself running with the bag in your arms back to the bar, driven by your instincts. As soon as your feet hit the wooden floor of the café, your eyes widened, your breath stopped and a mess of boiling heat and icy coldness ran through you by the scene that was playing in front of you. Milly’s face was wrenching in pain as she stumbled back into the coffee house, tears streaming over her face as she held her bleeding arm, a big wound in form of a bite boasting in her flesh, just like you had seen in all the news. People gathered around her, some staring, some trying to help while you stood in shook there, not able to move as the voices sounded muffled through your head, your eyes moving for a moment from your bleeding and screaming colleague to the outside where the gunshots were still booming. Police officers in harsh armor shot at a groaning men, their bullets hitting his body over and over again while none of them brought him to the ground. His eyes were wide open, glassy, more dead than alive, his skin deathly pale, his in Milly’s blood covered mouth gaping open as he stretched his arm out to the men. “We need to get her to the hospital”, you heard a panicking female voice scream before your eyes saw how the bullets hit the man’s head, teared it apart and seemingly let your heart stop.
That day the coffee house had closed right after Milly got taken to the hospital. As you had left the café you had still been completely shocked and paralyzed and little had you known that this had been the very last time that you’d seen this place. You could still see yourself walking hastily down the streets, your breath heavy and your heart pounding against your chest as you passed the hospital, a tiny part of your muddled mind shifting towards Negan and his wife and then back to Milly who must have thought in these moments that the doctors inside could still help her. Now she was dead and Negan probably too. Everybody you knew was gone.
Gulping harshly you twisted the cookie with your fingers before letting it slide into the pocket of your jacket. You had often damned the coffee house, had forced yourself to take the shifts in there but now you couldn’t deny that some of you missed it a little bit, maybe even more the talks with your indeed favorite costumer.
Huffing you tried to keep yourself from falling into more nostalgia as you began to search through the other drawers, actually finding some useful things even though you couldn’t deny that the cookie stayed your personal favorite.
The sun was already beginning to turn into its soft afternoon state as you made your way back out of the house, your backpack filled with some cans you had found inside that now chinked slightly with every step you took. Warm sun rays danced over your face as you strolled down the abandoned streets, your beloved knife always securely in your hand.
A few days passed and the cookie stayed in your jacket’s pocket. It was odd how people could get attached to such random things as soon as they carried memories or could be connected to something just in the tiniest way meaningful, how they took those things to grasp onto something and keep themselves going. And you knew that you definitely weren’t an exception. The knife, now the cookie, you were no bit better, actually, you were probably even an exhibit A for this phenomena.
Huffing quietly you made your way down an abandoned and narrow backroad through the forest, the blacktop filled with potholes and covered with dried leaves that showed that the influence of humanity was gradually retreating. Your mind was trying to figure out where you could spend the next night as your glance captured the way the sun began to vanish behind the skyline of the trees while the pretty and colorful sky would be more of a threat until you had found shelter for the night and the blustery darkness. Pondering you kept walking before you found yourself at the end of the path, now only trees and the underwoods emerging in front of you. Slowly, you made your way into the woods, grasping your knife a little tighter as you knew that behind every single one of these trees and bushes could wait an undead for you, ready to make you their dinner.
You kept on making your way through the forest, trying your best to avoid stumbling over the several roots and undergrowth that was trying to make it as hard as it could for you. Your senses were working flat out, your heart pumping a little harder against your chest than before as you suddenly heard the sound of footsteps. Unsure if your stressed and forcefully attentive mind was making you hallucinate you pressed yourself against the nearest, thick tree as a hide out before trying to find out if a walker or maybe even more were making their way into your direction. If it was one, you could take it out after those weeks of training without ending up as its snack, but killing a couple of these decomposing and flesh seeking corpses at once? No, you just weren’t capable to do that yet. Shoving yourself closer against the hard tree bark you listened closely, your pulse pounding louder in your ears as you could feel yourself tensing up while something got more and more clear to you. Those weren’t walker steps, they were way too steady and too heavy to resemble the stumbling and scuffing walk of the dead just in any way. That right there, was a human who was making their way closer towards you, a whole different threat than the dead, but still a threat. People were becoming more dangerous with everyday they were forced to survive in this world and with each and every moment they had to keep themselves alive no matter what it took. You had seen what people were becoming to be capable of and who the hell knew what this person somewhere near you was able to do to you if they would find you. Gulping you pressed yourself some more against the tree, the sudden cracking of a branch beneath your feet letting you flinch up as you pressed your lips on one another, forcing yourself to keep the shocked gasp in while you cursed yourself in your head. Tightening your grasp on your knife to be able to fight back if it came hard on hard you let out a quiet but shakily breath just before a familiar deep voice let you hold it.
“Any dead fucker there? Come on out, I’m fucking sure you wanna have a taste of this.” Within seconds your heart pounded even harder against your chest as you tried to find out if your mind was playing tricks on you or not. The tone, the deepness, the goddamn swearing and the throaty chuckle that sounded as addition to it, all oddly and shockingly familiar. But that couldn’t be him, right? That couldn’t be true. Hell, this was as good as impossible that he out of all still breathing people was walking up to you in the middle of the woods.
You heavily gulped, your heart still pounding with a force against your chest that you felt like anybody around you was able to hear its harsh sound while the rest of your body was reacting to the tension in every possible form. The heavy footsteps came closer, closer and closer with every second while your mind was trying to figure out what the hell to do, regardless of if it was him or not. A small, shaky breath left your lips once last time and then your pounding heart seemed to stop.
“No!”, you gasped out, your armed hand shooting up as your glance caught a raised baseball bat, in black leather clad arms and then, familiar hazel eyes that darted at you. Within seconds his narrow and determined glance turned softer and at the same time utterly shocked and confused as it wandered over you as if you were a mirage, daring to disappear the next moment. “Holy fuck…”, left his lips. his eyes wandering over you again and again, trying to check if you were actually real before you saw the small familiar grin growing back on his face as he gasped softly, ”Coffee house girl.”
So there he was, standing right in front of you. Still the same grin, the same glance in his eyes, the same tone in his voice. Only the leather jacket he must have picked up somewhere after the world had gone to shit was new, just like the baseball bat. His hair was just stroked back instead of slicked back as usual, revealing some small dark curls that seemed to have their own mind as they peaked slightly out.
And as the first shock was over and both of you began to realize that this was actually real, you didn’t need many words to decide that this encounter would lead to the both of you beginning to fight your way through the world together, instead of alone. So as you made your way through the forest and eventually over some lonely roads into the direction of a cabin he had found days ago, you could see that not only his outer appearance was a mix of new and old but also that what laid underneath. He still had the same humor, swore and cursed just as much as before, made the same colorful remarks, had the same throaty laugh that rumbled through his chest and the same charming and confident attitude and yet there was something new but still slightly familiar as well. There was a certain sadness lingering somewhere in his eyes when it got quiet for a moment, a sadness that was similar to the one you had seen the last times he had stepped into the café. And just knowing that he was alone out here was telling you enough to know its reason.
The night’s darkness was already filling the sky up when you found yourself leaning against the wooden wall of the cabin, a flickering bonfire in front of you and the man you had thought you would never see again sitting next to you while he scratched the last bit of the ravioli out of the metallic can in his hands. You still tried to realize that you weren’t dreaming this all, just like your mind was trying to get it all together and processed. You knew he wasn’t exactly the man you knew from the coffee house, you knew that he must have gone through certain changes as well, no matter if it was grief or the fact that you had to kill walking corpses to survive.
“Fuck, still can’t really believe it”, you heard him say as he leaned himself against the wood and let out a small chuckle while his glance wandered over to you. “Me neither”, you said, laying your empty can aside while you caught him looking at you as one of his hands ran over the salt and pepper stubble. “You’ve never told me your real name”, he finally said, his glance still darting at you as you pulled your legs closer against your chest to keep the coldness of the night from invading your body before you looked into his eyes. “(Y/N)” “Well, now that’s some fucking beautiful name”, he said, the grin still on his face as he ran his tongue slowly over the soft skin of his lower lip. “You’re still gonna stick with ‘coffee house girl’?”, you teased with a small chuckle as he already shook his head with a quiet but throaty laugh. “Nah, yours is better”, he mumbled before he let out another small but this time disbelieving chuckle,”Fucking dead have to begin walking for me to learn your damn name.” He ran his palm over his stubbly cheek, his eyes darting for a short moment at the flickering flames of the fire as the talk about his former nickname for you let your mind swing back to the cookie in your pocket. Now that you had a living part of your past sitting right next to you, you suddenly began to feel like you were able to let the object that was connected to it go. “But apropos coffee house, look what I found”, you said, having his attention right back again as your fingers found their way to the metallic zipper, before they slipped into the pocket and laced around the wrapper of the cookie. “Holy shit”, he said as you showed it to him with a small grin, his eyes widening slightly as he let out a small chuckle ,“Haven’t seen these since…” Quickly, the grin on his lips faded, the memories he seemed to connect to this simple pastry rising up for a moment before he rallied himself again.
“You still haven’t eaten that fucker?”, he eventually asked with a smirk as he nodded over to the black wrapper in your hand. “Not till now”, you said, giving him a soft smile as his brows perked interested up, “Wanna have the other half?” “Now if you ask, then hell yes”, he chuckled, his eyes lightening slightly up as you eventually broke the cookie in half and handed him one of them. As soon as he bit into the delicious pastry, his eyes closed for a short moment as he seemed to try to urge the positive memories to overwhelm the negative and pain filled ones. Your teeth sunk into the soft dough of the cookie as well, immediately tasting the bittersweet filling that spread deliciously out in your mouth and took you for a short moment back to the shifts in the coffee house. “Fuck…still as fan-fucking-tastic as before”, he mumbled, the grin on his lips and the tone in his voice showing that the positive memories had won over the pain. You could hear his throaty laugh mixing with yours as he made some more raving and almost theatrical remarks about the cookie and desperately tried to get the dark brown crumbs out of his beard stubble. In these moments you found yourself realizing that you were genuinely laughing for the first time since your mom had died, for the very first time you felt a little lighthearted again and you could tell that he was feeling the same way.
Gradually it got quiet between the both of you again, the flickering sound of the fire and the slight breaking of the wood as the flames began to eat it up sounded through the night before you saw his glance wandering to your knife that laid slightly in walker blood daubed next to you on the ground.
“You’ve killed someone already?”, he eventually asked with a small gulp, his eyes fixed on the blade before they wandered up to you and brought you back to reality. You weren’t only gonna have those casual chats anymore like before, these talks, talks about death and killing were now daily fare as well and still, his words let a small shiver run through your body as some memories washed up in you. “No”, you mumbled, a hard gulp running down your throat as you softly shook your head, “I’ve just…I’ve just taken someone down…you know, before-” Your eyes darted at your fingers that fumbled uneasily on the loose threads of your pants, trying to keep the pictures from conquering your mind as you could still feel his glance darting at you. “My mom…almost two weeks ago”, you eventually mumbled, letting out a shaky breath before you let yourself look over at him again while only saying those words felt like pure torture for every inch of your body. “Fuck…shit I’m sorry”, he said, compassion filling his eyes as you forced a small smile in response on your lips, trying to keep the grief that wanted to shoot some tears into your eyes from succeeding.
Your eyes were darting at the flames as you bit your lip while you already felt the tingling in your nose, knowing that your emotions were trying to break out while you already saw your sight becoming slightly blurry. “Shit…sorry, I didn’t want-”, he began regretful as he seemed to see what this conversation was stirring up in you. “It’s okay”, you quietly said, fighting your tears back as you allowed yourself to look at him while a heavy breath rumbled through his chest before you heard his deep voice. “Haven’t killed someone as well but-”, he began, gulping harshly as he ran his palm over his beard stubble ,”I couldn’t take someone down.” You didn’t need to guess much to know who this ‘someone’ was, the tone in his voice, the glance in his eyes and the way his body tensed told you the truth within seconds. “I’m sorry…”, you said, your eyes still laying on him as he shifted uncomfortably on the earthy ground. “Was still in the damn hospital…had some fucking kid do it for me…like some fucking weakly pantywaist”, he said, his voice thick with emotion as you could see him fighting against his grief that began to cloud his eyes. You were sure that this was the very first time talking about this all, the very first time for him being visibly vulnerable to someone after all these events and you could see that he needed to get this out just like you actually had to. “Doesn’t make you weak. Almost couldn’t have done it too…”, you said, not only to cheer him a little up but also because you had seen over all these months that he was strong. Gulping slightly your eyes wandered to your knife, before you let out a small sigh. “Couldn’t even keep the knife I’ve done it with…”, you mumbled, a shaky breath letting your ribcage slightly erupt while a small bit of you was surprised that you were actually beginning to open yourself. “That’s hers?”, he carefully asked, his fingers making a soft movement towards the knife as his eyes still laid on you. “Yeah”, you mumbled, clenching your jaw slightly as your eyes sticked to the knife ,”Last thing I got left.” “Keeping it like some goddamn treasure”, you mumbled with a small, nervous chuckle while you ran your hand over your pants as he gave you a small uplifting smile. “No fucking need to shame…I can even top that”, he said, letting out a small chuckle as you could see him becoming a bit more comfortable. “Hmm?”, you murmured while your brows perked interested up. “That damn baseball bat?”, he said as he nodded to the dark wooden bat next to him, “I named it after her.” “Wasn’t even mine from before or some shit…just got it from one of the guys I was in group with before…now that thing gets me through and I just…”, he mumbled, stopping as he gulped and tensed up once again, his glance wandering to the bat as you could only imagine what it meant to him, just knowing how carefully you kept your mom’s knife with yourself. “You had a group?”, you instead asked, trying to lead this conversation somewhere else as you could already see him nodding, the warm light of the flames enlightening his face as he stared at the fire. “Yeah…bunch of men, not for long, just enough time to show me how to shoot a fucking gun before…hell before the fucking dead got them all”, he scoffed, his jaw clenching slightly as he still looked into the flames as their movements mirrored in his eyes. “It’s always like that…”, he muttered with a scoff, his glance trailing off the flames and into the darkness of the night. “Was”, you added before his glance wandered quickly over at you. “Now I don’t hope I’ll end up as walker snack”, you said with a small, uplifting grin, trying to loose the both of you up. You could see the tension washing from his face as it got replaced by a small smirk that soon mixed with a smile that made you feel like he genuinely meant the words that slipped out of his lips. “You won’t, gonna take care of that”, he said just as he leaned himself some more against the wooden wall. “Works the other way around to”, you assured with a smile as he gave you a grinning nod and let out a throaty chuckle before let his deep voice sound once again through the night. “We’re gonna beat this world’s fucking ass”
• As he’s pulling you deeply into his embrace, him loving the way he can enclose you with his tall and broad figure and strong arms, especially when he eventually hears you letting a small, content hum out and feels how protected and safe he can make you feel
• Him just loving to use his ability to touch you all over as he’s letting his hand run over you and letting it slip beneath your shirt or nightdress to feel you up, truly enjoying to hear your hums and small gasps in response to his touch
• Him enjoying to let you feel how hard he is for you, as he’s getting a firm grasp on your hips to push them closer against his or simply grinds against you, regardless of if he’s using it to wake you up and sweeten your morning or simply feels his growing yearning for you as he’s holding you
• As you’re taking the next step, him having no problem with simply pulling your pants down or nightdress up after getting rid of his own boxers to thrust himself deeply into you, all while holding you tightly and using his hands to touch you all over, to cup your breasts or to pamper your sweetest spots with his long fingers
• Next to all the dirty advantages this position gives him, him also just loving the little things it lets him do. Just as nuzzling his nose into your skin, softly scratching his stubbly cheek and chin over your skin to tease and tickle you bit and being able to let his large hand cup yours or feel your fingers lacing with his
• Him loving to wake you up by placing some sloppy and drowsy morning kisses on your skin as he’s still not completely awake himself, all while kissing from your collarbones, over your neck up until the sensitive spot behind your ears as he’s holding you closer while you slowly begin to wake up
• When he’s coming back in the middle of the night, all exhausted and just glad to finally be able to lie down, him loving to slip into bed next to you and pull you carefully into his embrace until he can feel your back closely resting against his chest as he’s nuzzling his face into your neck before being finally able to relax
• As he’s sometimes accidentally waking you up in these nights with his movements, him just having to smile as soon as he hears the sound of your sleepy voice asking for him and your hand reaching a bit up to drowsily and sloppily run your fingers through his hair as he’s burying his face into the nook of your shoulder
• Him having his fun with teasing you and letting his fingers slide over your ticklish spots, only to hold you even tighter as you laughing squirm beneath his touch and try to wriggle yourself free, all until you’re breathless from laughing and mumble chuckling how you’re gonna get your revenge by purposely letting his arm go to sleep, untying your hair or simply letting him taste his own medicine as you exactly know where all his sensitive spots are
• After you’ve had sex, you’ve huddled up to him and your breaths have become slow again, him holding you tightly to feel your bare body against his, kissing your lips and your neck while letting his fingers trace up and down your sides and arm
• In the mornings, him often using his positing to keep you right with him as he refuses to let you leave bed all while hooking his legs around you and wrapping his arms even closer around your body while telling you what awesome things you could do if you’d just stay with him and let him change your shifts
• Knowing how much you love his deep voice, him loving to use his position to whisper into your ear or against your skin no matter if it’s the dirtiest things he wants to do to you, one of his colorful remarks that are meant to make you laugh, telling you to sleep tight or his ‘good mornings’, teasing you or even whispering sweet nothings as he’s cradling you gently against him
and there are so many more, I’ll keep on adding to this list and I’m sure I forgot some blogs + as soon as I’ve got all entries for the writing challenge and can make the masterlist post, you’ll see many more!💕
There’s a Negan Imagine I’ve read a whole while ago and I’m currently searching for it but I just can’t find it. If anyone knows which I’m talking about, it would be real great if you could let me know.
This is all I can remember so I hope it’s enough:
The story begins with the reader saving Negan from a walker (he’s alone, no Sanctuary or anything), she’s at fírst kinda reluctant and warily about him while they begin to search for some supplies (I guess). As much as I can remember he finds the leather jacket and she sprays some kinda quote on a window that keeps her going and Negan being Negan he makes some kind of remark about it. He also has some nickname for her which I really can’t remember but it kind of threads its way through the story. She takes him back to her home (I think it was some kind of trailer), things begin to develop, they kiss one night in bed and eventually they become a couple and live together. One day they wake up and a herd is beginning to enclose the trailer which forces them to split up so they can lead the herd into another direction. They promise each other to find back to the highway after all but things go pretty south and the reader is sure that Negan thinks she’s dead. Nevertheless she returns every day to the highway in hope he’d find her. After some long time she finally spots a group of men on the road and guess who’s their leader? He first doesn’t recognize her from afar and more or less asks her the first question he has asked her at the beginning + (I’m not sure but I think so) the nickname.
As I said, I’m not 100% sure these things are all completely right since its a good while ago that I’ve read it, but I can also remember that it was simply titled “Negan Imagine” and when I read it I was pretty surprised that it didn’t have that many notes since it was pretty great. Anyway, I’d be so grateful if any of you would have an idea which Imagine I’m talking about and could send me a link or something!!
Negan and their Newborn let the Reader wake up to the sweetest sight possible
Darkness was still filling the room when coos and small cries woke you up and took you out of the sleep’s grasp. Still with your eyes closed you felt the lack of Negan’s arms around your body just as the cries hushed and you heard his deep voice sounding softly through the room. “You gonna sleep on Daddy’s chest now? Yeah, Buddy?”, Negan’s drowsy and through the sleep even raspier voice said as the mattress began to bend slightly. Within seconds you felt his warmth right next to you again, the sheets moved softly over your skin as Negan tucked himself and your son back in.
Slowly, your tired eyes fluttered open and caught him leaning into the pillows, the tiny body of your baby placed gently on his broad chest, the white fabric of the shirt smoothing against the little boy as Negan’s large hands held him softly and made him look even tinier. Negan’s slowly rising and falling chest dandled your son gently, his eyes closed while Negan’s darted lovingly in the faint light at him, a soft but big smile planting across his face.
Softly, Negan scratched his stubbly cheek and chin over your son’s head, the boy’s short and dark hairs entangling for small moments with Negan’s salt and pepper beard while the tiny lips curled slightly up. “My little Boo”, Negan cooed quietly, his deep and raspy voice filled with the love and deep affection of a proud father. His lips placed a soft kiss on your baby’s head while his voice had as always a soothing effect on him, the countless hours he had talked to him when he had still laid in your belly seeming to pay off.
Your lips curled into a sleepy but big smile, the sight of Negan with your son filling every inch of your body with a comforting warmth that overwhelmed any bit of exhaustion the last days had made you feel.
Your eyes wandered over your baby, over the tiny hands that curled around the puckered white fabric of his Dad’s shirt, the tiny nose, the tiny lips and the rosy cheeks. All before your eyes trailed up to Negan’s face, his dark hair tousled from the sleep, the eyes still dozy before you saw his glance wandering over at you, his eyes widening slightly as he found you awake. “Shit, didn’t wanna wake you up”, he quietly mumbled as his thumb stroke softly over your baby’s head, keeping him in the peaceful slumber he was beginning to fall into. “This is making up for it”, you half joked with the big smile on your lips as you still drowsily nodded to him and your child before you slowly shifted closer towards Negan. Negan’s arm lifted up for you as you huddled up against this side, carefully and cautiously to not wake your son up. Softly you laid your head into the nook of Negan’s shoulder, your face nuzzling into his warm neck while your hand placed gently on your son’s back.
The small body rose with every small breath he took beneath your and Negan’s hands, their touches seeming to let him sleep even deeper while you could feel Negan turning his head slightly until he could place a small kiss on your skin.
There really were no words needed in these moments, even Negan stayed silent as you both knew that this right there was everything you both had wished and waited so long for.
So no matter how out of reach this world made it seem at times, after all you three were the living proof that the kind of happiness that could make your heart burst for joy was still possible.
“Fuck…”, Negan growled lowly, the sensation of your touch leaving him restless beneath your hands as a grin slipped onto your lips. Your eyes caught his tied up hands above his head, the result of a mix between deep trust and curiosity, of which he may or may not be regretting the latter in these moments as you felt him growing hungrier.
Teasingly slow you ran your still with soft fabric covered heat over his throbbing dick, urging it closer against his stomach as more low groans left his wide open hanging lips. Gritting his teeth and clenching his jaw tightly you could feel his hips stuttering beneath you, the torture of the slow teasing you had already put him through leaving its marks on him. “Fuck…now you fucking know I love you but you’re being a goddamn asshole right now”, he groaned as your covered heat and wetness rubbed teasingly over his pulsing length once again, leaving him yearning for more. “Oh I know, guess I’ve learned from the best”, you mumbled with another grin back, the darkness of lust growing in his eyes as he could obviously feel the way your arousal soaking your panties. “Come on Baby, let me feel your wet pussy”, he groaned as you stopped your rhythmic movements for a moment, shook your head before you leaned down, your hand wrapping around his neck as your eyes met his. “No”, you said lowly but sternly back, looking directly into his eyes before the grin slipped back on your lips, “Or well, maybe I’ll think about it if you beg a little.” “Shit, is that real necess-” “Yes”, you quickly cut him off, remembering the endless seeming times he had already made you beg for him before you perked your brows a little up, waiting for him to say something. “Please, Baby”, he mumbled as you leaned back again, your hold on his neck loosening up before you grinned a little wider. “What was that?”, you asked, a heavy gulp traveling down his throat that made his Adam’s apple bop up and down. “Please…”, he exhaled after a few silent moments just before you let go of him and slowly slipped out of your panties, leaving his eyes stuck on your body before you climbed back on top of him.
Wrapping your hand around his pulsing cock you slowly dragged his dickhead along your wetness, a deep groan rumbling through Negan’s chest as a small gasp left your lips while your heat grew with every second. Coating him with your own juices you could feel his being eyes stuck on you before they met your glance, his hips stuttering harder now as you could feel him attempting to thrust up into your sopping core.
Heat rushed through your palm as it slapped against Negan’s cheek, punishment and pleasure at the same time as you secretly knew that it could turn him even more on. “Don’t”, you growled, loosening the hold you had on his cock a little as he nodded, too desperate for your touch to attempt another try. The big bad wolf was turning into a shaking mess beneath you and just the thought of that you had full power over the pleasure of this strong man made the heat grow even more in you.
“Good”, you mumbled now more softly before you leaned down to place a kiss on the heated skin on his neck, sucking softly on the swelling vein on its side before you leaned slowly back. Slowly you ran your wet core over his length again, its veins swelling and pulsing harder with each time you rubbed your heat over the throbbing flesh while deep groans rumbled through his chest. Wrapping your hand back around his hard length you then teased your wetness over his dickhead once again, your other hand securely placed on his side as you slightly dug your fingertips into his skin.
“Fuck…”, you heard Negan groan again, the tip of his tongue slowly sliding over his lower lip until got caught between it and his teeth. “You want me to ride you?”, you asked with a small, teasing grin just before another small groan left his lips. “Fuck yes”, he grumbled breathless before he seemed to realize that this wasn’t gonna be enough. “Please…fuck please ride my dick”, he grumbled, a heavy breath shaking through him before he rose his voice once more, “Please, Baby.”
Slowly, you sunk down on his dick, a deep groan leaving Negan’s mouth as your other hand placed as well on his hip while he filled you with every inch more up. Moaning you reached the base of his cock, his short and dark curls rubbing softly and intoxicating against your sweet spot as you watched every of Negan’s reactions. “Baby…”, he quietly growled, forcing himself to keep his eyes open to see you beginning to bounce up and down on his dick. His eyes kept on darting at you, watching his throbbing length burying inside of your core, disappearing and reappearing over and over again as you could feel your legs quivering in pleasure. His body shook a little more, obviously having a hard time to restrict himself from thrusting and pounding up into your wet heat before his eyes met yours again. “You gonna let me touch you?”, he asked slightly panting, his tongue sliding once again over his lip as the rhythm of your hips made him moan some more. Your brow perked slightly up, a small grin growing on your lips as you dug your fingertips a little more into his side. “Come on, Baby….can I touch you?”, he asked, now more desperate than before as the muscles in his cheek twitched and your brow perked up again, showing him that he had to try a little harder. “Please…fuck, please let me touch you”, he groaned breathily, the urge to feel you, to pull you hard down on his pulsing dick and pound away into you until his hot cum could fill you up stronger than anything else in these moments.
“Okay”, you quietly mumbled with a small grin after a few moments of leaving him in torturing silence, before you leaned up until your fingers could unlace the cloth around his wrists, his sizable length still buried deeply inside you. Negan’s eyes lightened up until your hands wrapped around his wrists, forcing him to take it slow to show him that you were still in charge before you placed his large hands on your hips and gave him a nod.
A loud cry of pleasure left your lips as his hands gripped your hips while he thrusted his own up, beginning to pound away into your sopping heat. Feeling yourself swinging in more pleasure you leaned down, his hands grabbing your ass harshly as your hot breath hit his skin. “Make me cum”, you mumbled lowly into his ear, enough sternness swinging in it to make it sound like an order as you didn’t even think about giving up your control now that he could touch you. Leaning back you caught his with lust filled eyes, your fingertips burying a little harder in his skin as a small grin grew on his lips. “As you fucking wish”, he growled, his pounds growing harder within a seconds as his one of his hands moved to your most sensitive spots.
Both of your heavy breaths and moans filled the room while he began to rub and massage your pulsing clit, the mix of his hard thrusts and the intoxicating touches of his fingers letting you swing in ecstasy. Your pleasure filled mind felt like rewarding him as you leaned down to let him thrust harder and deeper and to kiss and softly nibble on his neck just the way he liked it while you heard his loud growls and curses. Your eyes began to flutter as you could feel yourself coming to our high, his fingers’ movements growing faster as he watched you quivering in response to his pounds and touches. “Negan…”, just left your lips as you could feel yourself beginning to drown in pleasure, your body slumping a little more in as one last thrust made a strong orgasm shake through you. Feeling him carrying through your high, he kept on thrusting, obviously coming closer as well until you let him cup your hips as harsh as he wanted, allowing him to use you ruthlessly. Pounding as if he wanted his massive length to tear you apart, he came even closer and gripped you harder, growling as he kept his eyes open to watch the aftermath of your orgasm wash over you. A loud groan and a bunch of curse words eventually left Negan’s lips as you could feel his cock twitching deep inside you before his hot cum began to fill you up.
Exhausted and panting you sunk down on Negan’s chest, feeling his cum beginning to drip out of your heat as he was still buried deeply inside your core. Cursing he wrapped his arms around you, keeping you closely on top of him as his head leaned against yours and his hot breath hitting against your skin before his deep voice sounded heavily breathing through to you. “Get yourself and your tight little pussy already prepared…’cause hell, next time it’s gonna be my fucking turn to make you beg.”
Warm sun rays danced over your skin as the sleep slowly loosened its grasp on you. Slowly diving out of the sleep’s depths, your body began to sense first feelings and touches again, each of them helping you softly to leave the night behind yourself and to start a new day.
Hot breath that ghosted over your skin, leaving small goosebumps of comfort all over your body and made small shivers of warmth run up and down your spine.
Warm lips that met your skin repeatedly, leaving a warm trail over the side of your neck as their soft and caressing touches brought their warmth into your body.
Rough beard stubble that combined with the softness of the lips, setting a contrast that grew into an intoxicating sensation, before they purposely but still softly chafed over you skin, teasingly and purposely using their ability to tickle you gently
Soft sheets that hugged your body smoothly, tucking you in between their comforting fabric and cuddly pillows as they build a home for anything they were swathing
Strong arms that wrapped tighter around you, enclosing you completely as they pulled you closer against a warm chest, soft and short curls of chest hair softly tickling your skin as long legs entangled with yours, one hooking around yours to keep you even closer
Familiar scent that was enshrouding you softly, creating a comfort that streamed through every fibre of your body until it had completely filled you up.
Deep growls and hums that rumbled through the warm chest and vibrated against your back, the deepness and the familiar tone arising from a voice as smooth as velvet but raspy and rough as barbed wire at the same time.
With each passing second you let the sleep more and more behind yourself until your eyes eventually fluttered slowly open. A small dozy hum left your mouth as you felt the lips that were pressing another kiss on your skin forming into something that swung between a smile and a wide grin. Just as you cuddled closer into the warmth you were longing so much for you heard a throaty but drowsy chuckle filling the air before you turned to its source. Your glance met familiar hazel eyes that were filled up with deep affection, growing yearning and jollying excitement all at once.
With lips that were curling more up with each moment and dark strands of hair that hung tousled instead of slicked back into his face, he leaned down until his forehead leaned against yours and his hot breath met your skin once again before his deep voice spoke up as he pulled you closer against his warm chest: “Good Mornin’, Baby”