Category: twd imagine

Regular

Negan Imagine ~ Hot Shower

All you need after getting into a heavy snowstorm is a hot shower with the big bad wolf, right?

Winter Special!

“Negan, I swear to fucking god my toes are freezing off”, you called out as you stumped with fast steps up the stairs, panting underneath the thick but drained layers of clothes that were clinging to your body, caused by the sudden snowstorm that had overwhelmed your original beautiful walk within the woods that had resembled a winter wonderland.

“Sure”, Negan chuckled teasingly, the keys he tossed onto the wooden regal in the hallway echoing up to you as you fumbled on your scarf to get the soaked fabric off your body.

“Told ya already in the car I could warm you up…the special way”, Negan chuckled with even more tease in his voice as the zipper of his jacket mixed with a couple of his heavy footsteps, “I mean you’re already soaking wet so…”

With that you tossed your drained scarf down the stairs, right into the widely grinning face of his. 

His eyes were still gleaming, his lips were still drawn into a smirk as he caught the scarf with his large hands, just to run one of his gloved hands over his already wet salt and pepper stubble that matched his glistening black hair.

“Oh you’ll regret that…I’ll get ya”, he chuckled, grinning devilish at you as you shrieked by his sudden movement up the stairs, before laughter rumbled through your body as you turned back around and ran further up.

Both of your footsteps echoed over the wooden floor as you stormed towards the bathroom at the end of the hallway, your fingers fumbling on your jacket to toss it behind yourself, trying to create some obstacles for Negan to overcome.

“That won’t stop me”, he chuckled just as you grabbed the handle of the bathroom’s door, ripping it open so you could slip in and push it shut right before reached you.

“Hey!”, he shouted laughing as he heard you turning the lock while a grin spread over your lips as you saw the shadows his boots were casting beneath the door.

Stepping closer to it you began to drag the soaked clothes off your body and tossed them to the floor, purposely loud so he could hear it.

”Baby, that right there is my job”, got finally elicited by him as he nudged with his boots against the door, trying to get your attention.

“Nah, not now.”

“That’s my punishment for you”, you added as you got to your underwear that was just as you had expected as drained as everything else you’ve had clung to your body ,”For your glorious shortcut through the woods.”

“You always love that!”, he chuckling tried to defend his idea that had ended up letting the both of you err through the storm that had gotten thicker and harder with each moment.

“Not in a fucking snowstorm, when everything’s white so you can’t see shit”, you laughed, reaching into the shower to turn the water on, already pushing it into the highest direction in hope to get hot water as soon as possible.

“Now Baby that’s something you should be used to”, he chuckled, the satisfaction of using this opportunity to tease you sounding clearly through his voice as you stepped into the shower and grinned at the door.

Within seconds the hot water hit your skin and washed over your freezing toes, eliciting a satisfied moan to fall from your lips that turned the man in front of the door into a whining dog.

“I’m really suffering out here, think that’s enough”, he said, audibly pouting as you chuckled softly and decided to finally deliver him from his pain outside.

Reaching out of the shower you turned the key, trying to not slip as you stretched yourself a little more to pull the handle down and open the door.

“Get in”, you mumbled with a grin as soon as your eyes met his gleaming hazel ones.

You could swear you had rarely seen that man get so fast out of his clothes as now, seemingly taking him only seconds to strip down to nothing and slip into the shower to you.

His large hand ran through his damp hair, stroking the black strands back as he grinned at you, running his tongue slowly over his lower lip until his arms flicked suddenly towards you.

In the matter of a split second he pulled you against his still cold body, cradling you against his chest as the sudden struck of coldness rushed through your body that had been spoiled with hot water until now.

“Oh you asshole”, you chuckled, squirming as he held you purposely closer, enjoying to torture you a little for locking him out.

“Yeah, that asshole you madly fucking love”, he grumbled with a low laugh back, pressing his lips to your temple before he moved the both of you closer to the hot water again, enough so its broad stream could hit the both of you.

“Ah this is fuckin’ good”, he groaned out as you slung your arms around his torso and felt the water slowly heating up his skin beneath your fingertips.

Slowly you glanced up, looking into the warm eyes that ran over your face before he leaned in and captured your lips, pulling you into a blissfully deep kiss.

You hummed against his lips, hearing him groaning softly in response that elicited a whole other heat within your body as you sunk further into his kiss and his strong embrace.

“Fuck, this is perfect”, Negan grumbled against your lips as you eventually parted, pecking them once more before he pulled you closer, allowing you to nuzzle your face into the curve of his neck while the hot water kept pelting down on the both of you.

You hummed softly as you nuzzled your nose into his heated skin, closing your eyes for a moment as his fingers traced up and down your spine and elicited small, pleasant waves of comfort to wash through your body.

“Can we stay just like this for a bit?”, you softly mumbled as you cuddled closer against his broad and tall frame, enjoying his closeness as he dipped down to press his lips on your shoulder and let his salt and pepper stubble brush in the most pleasant way along your skin.

“Sure we can”, he mumbled back as he leaned up again, resting his head against yours as he slung his arms a little tighter around you while a small grin grew on your lips as a memory flashed back up.

“And then we can get back to that offer from the car…if it still stands”, you mumbled, just as a throaty laughter rumbled through his chest and his booming voice echoed through the bathroom.

“Oh it damn right does!”

The gif isn’t mine/ I found it on google so credit to the original owner

tagging:

@agespenst @imaginesforthepeople @porgs-r-us @squidgy84 @toxic-ink@Nobodylastname @nice-shoes-nerd@thegirlwiththelyrics99 @tolieboy @writteninthestars288@magical-spit @straightestgay-voice@xsnak-3x@myrabbitholetoneverland@dasani-saraai@negan–is–god@harry-titss@traumbruch @negans-network@theblankestostares @amysuemc@ashzombie13 @trashimaginezblog@jeffreydeanneganstrash@sweetwittlebosco@futureofdestiel@bananakid42@dragongirl420@kalliewinchester-queenofhell@futureofdestiel@timeladyrikaofgallifrey@osakamilk @kattyshea20@dinodiegos@missmotherhen@kinkygamertrash @beahippie23@xabeautifultragedyx @negansmagic@starwarsandstufff@bdohe21 @lovesjdm @vanilla-negan @to-pick-ourselves-up-7@roselover159@mamarhee @the-writingdead@traumbruch@bellawindixon@dlb1999@thelittlewolf45@collette04@ask-kakashihatake@princessbelgoof@adixon13@botanicalthoughts @nijiru@cheyanhicks@jtklover123@twentyonewalkers @originalwinchestervamp@readytourie @ijashanaa @i-am-lady-anarchy@marauderspads@humble-thumb@hp-hogwartsexpress @mydeliciousdandelion@warriorqueen1991@unholyjs@kentuckywalker @mydeliciousdandelion @dancing-in-embers @gackts-guwashi @ugh-abbyxx@frozenhuntress67@hela-rious48@thoughtfullyoptimisticgalaxy@xojeffreydeanmorgan@thelittlewolf45@babygirlmeepi@thehybridsqueen@blueeyedsoutherngal @naniky @negans-network​ @the-wintergirl​ @fangirl-and-medstudent-help​ @lovesjdm

(In case you want to be tagged or untagged for specific things or everything I write, just let me know)

Negan’s Winter Writing Challenge

thewalkingdead-imagines:

I’ve been thinking a while about finally celebrating the follower milestone and the 2 year anniversary of this blog, so here it finally is, my Winter Writing Challenge for Negan.
Beneath the ‘keep-reading’-cut are about 35 winter related prompts (including some Christmas and New Year related ones) which you can use all the way you like!

Anybody’s welcome to join and I honestly can’t wait to see more Negan fics all over tumblr!

image

Rules:

• Please send me an ask, containing the prompt(s) you’d like to have (You can also send it anonymously in case you have a secondary writing blog and don’t wanna show your main one. Just mention the blog you’re participating with.)

•  You don’t have to follow me to participate, the challenge is open to anyone  no matter if you’re a writing blog or even haven’t written anything before, if you’re interested, you’re more than welcome to give it a shot

• You can either choose just one prompt or combine two if you like, but please don’t go over this maximum

• You can choose any prompt you want, even if somebody else already has it  but if I notice that one prompt (or combination) is chosen 4 or even 5 times, I’ll most likely close it, so we end up with a bigger variety. 

• It can be fluff, smut, angst, whatever you can imagine (in case you write about sensitive topics please use warnings)

• It has to be Negan x Reader (but which gender you choose is of course up to you)

• It can be as long (or short) as you want, but if you reach over 500 words, please use a ‘keep-reading’ cut

• It can be set in the apocalyptic world of ‘The Walking Dead’ but you can also set it in an AU or in the time before the apocalypse if you like 

• Make sure to tag me and use the hashtag “Negan’s Winter Writing Challenge”. As soon as I’ve seen your imagine, I’ll send you a message, but since tumblr is known for messing tags up, you are welcome to send me a message and let me know in case I don’t respond in the matter of a day.

• The deadline is the 27th of december (If you need more time, that is absolutely no problem, just please let me know!) 

Thanks in advance to everyone who’s interested in taking part, if you don’t wanna participate yourself, I’d be real happy if you’d still share this post!

Keep reading

❄️Still enough time left to sign up!❄️

Negan Drabble ~ New Start

Hoping to slowly leave the horror of Negan’s breakdown behind, the Reader helps Negan shave to make a first tiny step into a new direction. 

This is a drabble for the time jump within season 9! It’s linked to my series, so If you like you can find it right here, but you can also easily read it independently from it.

image

“Let’s get rid of that Santa beard”, you mumbled with a smile as you picked up the scissors from the small nightstand of Negan’s cell.
Right next to the scissors had laid two small bowls with shaving foam and warm water, a small fluffy towel and a straight razor that were waiting for their job later on.
You turned around, giving him another smile as you glanced at him on the wooden chair in the middle of the cell, still with his slightly slumped in figure and the healing but still horribly visible wound on his forehead.
This one horrifying day was about a week and a half ago by now, Alexandria was still in a complete exceptional state after Rick’s death and you had the odd feeling that this would last for a good while longer.
The first days after, you hadn’t left Negan’s side, stayed huddled up in the bed with him, cradling and holding him close, only leaving it to pick up his food and make sure he was eating as much as he could.
He still was in a state that made your heart ache but for today and to finally but slowly help him out of this slump, you thought of making a small but maybe meaningful step in a new direction and finally get rid of his thick beard, to literally cut him off from the terrible memories that were now connected to it. Especially now, since the people who usually took care of his beard and his hair cut would have waited a whole lot longer until taking action again.
Slowly, you stepped closer to him, reaching up to run your fingertips softly through his dark hair until he raised his head a little to glance at you as your fingertips trailed down until they could grasp a bit of his beard.
“Ready?”, you mumbled with another small smile as he slowly nodded.
“Ready as hell…let’s get that fucker off”, he mumbled, forcing a small smile onto his lips as you ran your fingers once more along his jaw before getting back to your work.

“Thought you liked it…the beard”, Negan mumbled, for the first time in a while some of his old tease sounding through his deep voice again as you finished your work with the scissor and brushed your fingers over his jaw to get rid of the salt and pepper hair that was entangling into the rest of his stubble.
“I did, just think we gotta start off new, huh?”, you mumbled, leaving his side for a moment to get the shaving foam and the thick brush.
“Like those girl’s gettin’ their hair colored or cut the fuck off after breaking up with some jerk?”
“Kinda”, you said softly chuckling as you turned back around to him and felt as if you saw for the first time ever since a bit of his signature grin spreading over his lips, taking in his handsome features that had been held hostage by pain way too much in the last while.
It was just a small one, and still it let some more hope wash into your body as you glanced with a loving smile at him.
Slowly, you got the foam on his face, brushing it in the rest of his beard before some memories flowed back into your mind, letting you grin slightly as Negan’s glance captured yours.
“Remember that first time I did this?”, you mumbled in response to his questioning glance as you looked down on him, his face’s lower half completely covered in white foam just like all this time ago in Rick’s house.
“Hmm, yeah”, he grumbled, the small grin that let your heart flutter still on his lips as you placed the bowl of foam down beside him.
“You looked just like this with all that foam on, really had to control myself to not laugh”, you softly chuckled, grabbing the warm water and the towel to get ready to shave.
“Still caught that grin, believe me that, Sweetheart”, he mumbled back before he pointed swiftly up to his in white covered face, “That’s how you usually look.”
A half chuckle, half groan left your lips as you shoved his shoulder playfully in response to his old humor that was finally showing through again, enjoying this lighthearted moment while it lasted.
He could fall back into this black pit every minute, so if you had the chance to first grasp some small but happy moments, you were gonna do so.
They were a start.

The razor knife slid along his skin as you carefully got the rest of his beard step by step off, touching him softly to keep him in posture until you could finally wash the little rest off foam off and let him brush the towel over his bare skin.
“Can finally see your face again”, you eventually mumbled as you traced your fingers over his skin, sensing its softness after only being used of the long and rough beard,”So damn smooth.”
For another small moment you could see the smile on his lips before slowly but surely the darkness that tried to devour him began to try its best to settle in again, clouding his glance and doing its best to push the smile off his face.
Softly, you caressed your fingers over his skin, cupping his face as you tried to find a way to get him at least for this small moment back into the lightheartedness you had felt before.
One more time you glanced at him before you slowly leaned down and captured his lips, gentle and careful to feel him all the way as your hands held him close to you.
Your lips moved in a pleasant and even calming rhythm until you felt him pulling you down onto his lap, wrapping his arms around you as some small but content growls rumbled up his throat.
Slowly letting go of him you glanced into his hazel eyes, giving him another small peck before he pulled you closer and nuzzled his face into the curve of your neck.
“Love you, Baby”, he mumbled, pressing a small kiss against your skin as he held you tight, almost as close as in those nights before in which it seemed like you were his only anchor holding him here.
“I love you too, Negan”, you mumbled back, wrapping your arms around him as you nuzzled your nose into his dark hair, closing your eyes, hoping that even though the light at the end of the tunnel was still far out of reach, that this would be at least a first tiny step into the right direction.


(The gif isn’t mine/ it was originally posted by dancing-at-the-funeralparty)

tagging:

@agespenst @imaginesforthepeople @porgs-r-us @squidgy84 @toxic-ink@Nobodylastname @nice-shoes-nerd@thegirlwiththelyrics99 @tolieboy @writteninthestars288@magical-spit @straightestgay-voice@xsnak-3x@myrabbitholetoneverland@dasani-saraai@negan–is–god@harry-titss@traumbruch @negans-network@theblankestostares @amysuemc@ashzombie13 @trashimaginezblog@jeffreydeanneganstrash@sweetwittlebosco@futureofdestiel@bananakid42@dragongirl420@kalliewinchester-queenofhell@futureofdestiel@timeladyrikaofgallifrey@osakamilk @kattyshea20@dinodiegos@missmotherhen@kinkygamertrash @beahippie23@xabeautifultragedyx @negansmagic@starwarsandstufff@bdohe21 @lovesjdm @vanilla-negan @to-pick-ourselves-up-7@roselover159@mamarhee @the-writingdead@traumbruch@bellawindixon@dlb1999@thelittlewolf45@collette04@ask-kakashihatake@princessbelgoof@adixon13@botanicalthoughts @nijiru@cheyanhicks@jtklover123@twentyonewalkers @originalwinchestervamp@readytourie @ijashanaa @i-am-lady-anarchy@marauderspads@humble-thumb@hp-hogwartsexpress @mydeliciousdandelion@warriorqueen1991@unholyjs@kentuckywalker @mydeliciousdandelion @dancing-in-embers @gackts-guwashi @ugh-abbyxx@frozenhuntress67@hela-rious48@thoughtfullyoptimisticgalaxy@xojeffreydeanmorgan@thelittlewolf45@babygirlmeepi@thehybridsqueen@blueeyedsoutherngal @naniky @negans-network​ @the-wintergirl​ @fangirl-and-medstudent-help​ @lovesjdm

(In case you want to be tagged or untagged for specific things or everything I write, just let me know)

Negan’s Winter Writing Challenge

thewalkingdead-imagines:

I’ve been thinking a while about finally celebrating the follower milestone and the 2 year anniversary of this blog, so here it finally is, my Winter Writing Challenge for Negan.
Beneath the ‘keep-reading’-cut are about 35 winter related prompts (including some Christmas and New Year related ones) which you can use all the way you like!

Anybody’s welcome to join and I honestly can’t wait to see more Negan fics all over tumblr!

image

Rules:

• Please send me an ask, containing the prompt(s) you’d like to have (You can also send it anonymously in case you have a secondary writing blog and don’t wanna show your main one. Just mention the blog you’re participating with.)

•  You don’t have to follow me to participate, the challenge is open to anyone  no matter if you’re a writing blog or even haven’t written anything before, if you’re interested, you’re more than welcome to give it a shot

• You can either choose just one prompt or combine two if you like, but please don’t go over this maximum

• You can choose any prompt you want, even if somebody else already has it  but if I notice that one prompt (or combination) is chosen 4 or even 5 times, I’ll most likely close it, so we end up with a bigger variety. 

• It can be fluff, smut, angst, whatever you can imagine (in case you write about sensitive topics please use warnings)

• It has to be Negan x Reader (but which gender you choose is of course up to you)

• It can be as long (or short) as you want, but if you reach over 500 words, please use a ‘keep-reading’ cut

• It can be set in the apocalyptic world of ‘The Walking Dead’ but you can also set it in an AU or in the time before the apocalypse if you like 

• Make sure to tag me and use the hashtag “Negan’s Winter Writing Challenge”. As soon as I’ve seen your imagine, I’ll send you a message, but since tumblr is known for messing tags up, you are welcome to send me a message and let me know in case I don’t respond in the matter of a day.

• The deadline is the 27th of december (If you need more time, that is absolutely no problem, just please let me know!) 

Thanks in advance to everyone who’s interested in taking part, if you don’t wanna participate yourself, I’d be real happy if you’d still share this post!

Weiterlesen

Negan’s Winter Writing Challenge

thewalkingdead-imagines:

I’ve been thinking a while about finally celebrating the follower milestone and the 2 year anniversary of this blog, so here it finally is, my Winter Writing Challenge for Negan.
Beneath the ‘keep-reading’-cut are about 35 winter related prompts (including some Christmas and New Year related ones) which you can use all the way you like!

Anybody’s welcome to join and I honestly can’t wait to see more Negan fics all over tumblr!

image

Rules:

• Please send me an ask, containing the prompt(s) you’d like to have (You can also send it anonymously in case you have a secondary writing blog and don’t wanna show your main one. Just mention the blog you’re participating with.)

•  You don’t have to follow me to participate, the challenge is open to anyone  no matter if you’re a writing blog or even haven’t written anything before, if you’re interested, you’re more than welcome to give it a shot

• You can either choose just one prompt or combine two if you like, but please don’t go over this maximum

• You can choose any prompt you want, even if somebody else already has it  but if I notice that one prompt (or combination) is chosen 4 or even 5 times, I’ll most likely close it, so we end up with a bigger variety. 

• It can be fluff, smut, angst, whatever you can imagine (in case you write about sensitive topics please use warnings)

• It has to be Negan x Reader (but which gender you choose is of course up to you)

• It can be as long (or short) as you want, but if you reach over 500 words, please use a ‘keep-reading’ cut

• It can be set in the apocalyptic world of ‘The Walking Dead’ but you can also set it in an AU or in the time before the apocalypse if you like 

• Make sure to tag me and use the hashtag “Negan’s Winter Writing Challenge”. As soon as I’ve seen your imagine, I’ll send you a message, but since tumblr is known for messing tags up, you are welcome to send me a message and let me know in case I don’t respond in the matter of a day.

• The deadline is the 27th of december (If you need more time, that is absolutely no problem, just please let me know!) 

Thanks in advance to everyone who’s interested in taking part, if you don’t wanna participate yourself, I’d be real happy if you’d still share this post!

Weiterlesen

Negan’s Winter Writing Challenge

thewalkingdead-imagines:

I’ve been thinking a while about finally celebrating the follower milestone and the 2 year anniversary of this blog, so here it finally is, my Winter Writing Challenge for Negan.
Beneath the ‘keep-reading’-cut are about 35 winter related prompts (including some Christmas and New Year related ones) which you can use all the way you like!

Anybody’s welcome to join and I honestly can’t wait to see more Negan fics all over tumblr!

image

Rules:

• Please send me an ask, containing the prompt(s) you’d like to have (You can also send it anonymously in case you have a secondary writing blog and don’t wanna show your main one. Just mention the blog you’re participating with.)

•  You don’t have to follow me to participate, the challenge is open to anyone  no matter if you’re a writing blog or even haven’t written anything before, if you’re interested, you’re more than welcome to give it a shot

• You can either choose just one prompt or combine two if you like, but please don’t go over this maximum

• You can choose any prompt you want, even if somebody else already has it  but if I notice that one prompt (or combination) is chosen 4 or even 5 times, I’ll most likely close it, so we end up with a bigger variety. 

• It can be fluff, smut, angst, whatever you can imagine (in case you write about sensitive topics please use warnings)

• It has to be Negan x Reader (but which gender you choose is of course up to you)

• It can be as long (or short) as you want, but if you reach over 500 words, please use a ‘keep-reading’ cut

• It can be set in the apocalyptic world of ‘The Walking Dead’ but you can also set it in an AU or in the time before the apocalypse if you like 

• Make sure to tag me and use the hashtag “Negan’s Winter Writing Challenge”. As soon as I’ve seen your imagine, I’ll send you a message, but since tumblr is known for messing tags up, you are welcome to send me a message and let me know in case I don’t respond in the matter of a day.

• The deadline is the 27th of december (If you need more time, that is absolutely no problem, just please let me know!) 

Thanks in advance to everyone who’s interested in taking part, if you don’t wanna participate yourself, I’d be real happy if you’d still share this post!

Weiterlesen

TWD ~ Negan Imagine – “What Comes After”

Summary: After living through the night after Negan’s self harm in the cell, the reader’s hopes for a better day get destroyed as Maggie visits Alexandria and Rick’s fate is sealed at the bridge…

the last part / all other previous parts (None of the previous parts have to be read to understand the plot!)

image

Sun beams enlightened hazel eyes, letting them light up in their warm tone, enhancing each of their features and the flow of their colors as they always did around this time in the morning, when the light intensified and streamed through the metal bars on the cell’s windows.
But there was a difference to those other mornings, one that still had the ability to let an ice-cold shudder run down your spine.
Those eyes were just as captivating as always but at the same time the glance stuck in them displayed each moment that had happened last evening and the following night.
They were still slightly reddened, the rings beneath them dark and the rest of his features still coined by the tears that had flown over them in the last night.
They were dried by now, just like the blood on his forehead wound that still looked as horrific as last night, despite your tries to take care of it.
Part of you still didn’t want to believe it, even though you deep down knew that everything about this was true, every single bit.
And just as much as you knew this, you knew that you had to find a way to help him out of this pit of darkness he seemed to have fallen into.

A small sigh left your lips as you felt his hand cupping yours a little tighter, letting his fingers intertwine with yours a little more as you shifted closer against him. The first hard part of this morning laid behind you, the first careful attempts to talk to him properly, not just about Michonne’s conversation with him and that what had followed, but also the reason she had decided to visit him.
A tiny bit of this talk seemed to have already paid off as you glanced for a moment at his breakfast that was gone by now, leaving only a few bread crumbs on the white plate beside the bed behind.
It was just a tiny step, but at the same time it felt like a big and mighty one.
You still weren’t sure how often he had done this to himself, how often his skull had met the cold stone and the agony just thinking about it just like the fear of triggering something in him hindered you from asking further.
”It’s almost time for your shift…you should call the guard down”, Negan mumbled with a heavy gulp, even though you could tell he was trying his best to keep his voice firm.
”I don-”
”No, you won’t stay here for me and get yourself into trouble, not gonna happen”, he cut you off, pushing the thought about staying with him that had ghosted through your head away before it could fully unfold.
”Siddiq would understand…I’m sure of that…if you feel like you need me here with you, I’ll stay”, you said, your voice soothing as you glanced at him and caught him gulping heavily as his eyes wandered over the gray cement ground.
”Still, you’d get some kinda problems for fuckin’ sure…I’ll be fine…as long as I can have you back in that bed here tonight I’ll be fine”, he said after a couple of silent moments, squeezing your hand lightly as he glanced up and forced a weak smile onto his lips.
You still looked at him with doubt, feeling like you didn’t want to leave him alone right now even though his words began to push you slowly into a different direction.
”I’ll be fine, Baby”, he mumbled once again as gulped, “I…I won’t do it again.”
His voice was quiet even though he tried to put firmness into it as he grasped your hand tighter and glanced for a moment at you.
You wanted to say something, put all those thoughts that were swirling through your head into sentences but instead you leaned in and reached with your free hand up to cup the side of his jaw, softly caressing it before you slowly leaned in.
Your forehead rested against his, careful to not hurt his wound as you closed your eyes for a moment and let your fingertips toy softly with his thick beard.
You could feel him moving a little until his hot breath was brushing over your lips before they eventually captured yours, gently even though some small, needy growls still rumbled though his chest and vibrated against your skin as his warmth took you in.
”I love you..so damn much. You know that, right?”, you softly mumbled as your lips parted again, feeling like he needed to hear those words more than ever before.
”Yeah…I love you too, Sweetheart”, he rasped quietly, pulling you into his embrace until your face could bury into the curve of his neck and his arms could wrap tightly around your figure, allowing him to lean his head against yours and softly nuzzle his nose into your hair.
You could feel yourself melting into his hug just as much as he melted against your body, cradling you and keeping you deeply in his embrace as you closed your eyes for a moment, knowing that you had to leave this moment of comfort, earlier or later.

The walk to the infirmary was harder than ever, feeling bad conscience poking you with each step you took even though part of you knew that there was no way Negan would have let you risk just getting an ounce of trouble for neglecting your shifts for him.
Still, your thoughts were cycling around him, around the self-inflicted wound on his forehead, the horror that must still linger inside him and around the fact that he was alone again, alone with that horror.
But instead of being able to get back into the cell with him and make sure his demons weren’t flaring up again, you found yourself at the end of the endless seeming path to the infirmary as you shoved your jacket off and tried to get rid of a bit of the tension right along with it.
You could feel Siddiq’s eyes wandering over you, his brows furrowing slightly as you could tell that your first tries of loosing up were more than unsuccessful.
”Everything okay?”, he mumbled as he leaned himself against the kitchen counter, still eyeing you as if it would give him answers.–
”Yeah I just-”, you began, stopping as you felt your throat tightening and thoughts of last night washed up again.
“Can you take a look at Negan?”, you reluctantly mumbled after a few silent seconds, feeling the fear creeping up in you again that his wound might be worse than it looked, that he could have hurt himself more than you thought.
“What’s the matter?”, Siddiq asked, moving a little closer as you could already feel your body beginning to cramp by the thought of having to speak part of last night’s events out again.
“He uhm-”, you said, gulping as the barrier in your head stopped you for a second from ending your sentence ,”He…he bashed his head against the wall.”
The words felt like poison to your body, biting into your skin, stinging in your mouth, twisting and wrenching your heart in the worst way imaginable while a horrific mix of boiling heat and icy coldness washed over your back.
“Purposely”, you added in response to the confusion on Siddiq’s face while this one word just increased the effects of its poison.
“I’m not sure how often exactly,…must have been a few times, I-”, you went on, feeling your throat lightning with each words as yo twisted your hands nervously, “,..I cleaned the wound and… and I don’t think he’s got a concussion but I’m not one hundred percent sure.”
You glanced at him, saw the concern that was displayed on his features before you breathed shivering out and gulped quietly.
“He doesn’t know I’m asking…I just-”,you began again, the whirling up thoughts stopping you once more before Siddiq already took charge and gave you a small smile.
“I’ll take a look.”
“Thank you”, you breathed out, forcing a smile onto your lips as well before Siddiq sighed quietly and stepped a little closer as he ran his palm over his dark beard stubble.
“How about you get a little out for a bit?”, he asked after a small pause, glancing carefully at you as if he wanted to test the waters before he rose his voice again,“Got Will at outlook B, got himself hurt when he tried to repair some loose bars…looks like he’s got a wound on his forearm but I can’t tell more just from a few words nor if he’d need to come home. But I’d need someone to take a look at it.”
You pondered, sighing quietly as the thought of being this far from Negan in his current state let the restlessness inside you whirl up once more.
“Think you need to calm a little down too…that could be a way”, he added onto it, seeing the doubt that was painted all over your face.
You knew he was right.
You knew he was but still you hesitated, wrestling with your ongoing thoughts, even though you knew just as well that Negan would want you to go and especially not stay back because of him.
To be honest, if he would find out you did, it could just make his feelings and fears worse.
Silent moments passed until you gulped quietly and began to slowly nod, remembering Negan’s words from this morning.
You were gonna be back with him tonight, just like he said.
“Yeah…”, you eventually mumbled, looking into Siddiq’s eyes as you caught him nodding slightly,”I’ll just let Negan know, just to be sure…then I’ll get on my way there.”

The car vibrated beneath you as you drove over the abandoned country roads, following the paths that were here and there vested with guidance sings that showed you the way.
The med bag and a half loaded gun on the passenger seat shifted from side to side as you turned into the next road, taking care to not miss a sign and risk having to drive a detour.
Gas was a rare becoming good these days, leaving only a few cars available for each community and one of them was transporting you through the forests and overgrown fields in these moments.
You couldn’t fully tear your thoughts from Negan as he kept swinging through your head.
You were still deeply worried, even though he had done nothing else than encourage you at your little  detour to the cell before you had swung yourself into the car.
You tried to keep that in mind, tried to let the small smile he had put on his lips for you calm you, just like his warm hand that had engulfed yours and squeezed it softly as he had told you to take care before rasping those three words that had as always elicited this special warmth in your depths.
They had been the last ones he had told you before you had left and they still echoed through your head and acted soothing on you even though you couldn’t deny the worry that was washing up again and again, flooding your mind until you forced yourself to concentrate on your upcoming job.
After all, maybe you should use Siddiqs advice and use this opportunity, earn some strength which you could help Negan with in the end as well.
Hell, use even Negan’s words, even though a part of you feared that he had put on a show or even just chocked back his agony to not burden more concern onto you.
This was still the man who had harmed himself last night, and the more you reminded yourself of it, the more you wanted to turn around and head back to Alexandria.
But instead, the car began to softly shake as you turned into the last road on your way, the blacktop already coined by nature’s forces it was constantly exposed to, letting the car shake a little more as your eyes caught Will’s outlook and the small house beside it from afar.

Shadows danced over the ground of the cell as Negan stared to its cold cement surface, sniffling quietly as he rubbed his eyes that must be as red and swollen as a damn monkey’s ass from all the tears that had broken out of him again.
He hated this shit, of course he did, even more than the damn stinging salve Siddiq had daubed onto his wound but this all was still far from how much he hated what he was doing to his girl.
He was putting her through pain and he knew it.
He had most certainly heard it last night, when she had thought he had fallen asleep in her arms and small but heartbreaking sobs had erupted her body.
Only the memory of it shot painful venom into his veins, leaving him with an ugly but still certain feeling that he couldn’t do this anymore to her.
Shit, he couldn’t see the damn tears in her pretty eyes anymore which he had forced into them, he couldn’t see the way she was losing sleep over him and woke up with more worry, he couldn’t live with the feeling that he was the reason for her pain.
Maybe he didn’t have to do this much longer, the shadows that had danced over the ground belonged to two people Negan knew, one of which he had last seen on the day of the battle, who had begged and screamed for his death.
She was on her way down here in those moments, he could already hear her footsteps.
Maybe he was just minutes away from leaving this damn world and doing for fucking once the right thing, making the way free for (Y/N) to finally be happy without any sorrow and worry. 
The door creaked as it opened and the widow finally stepped in, glancing at him as if part of her couldn’t believe that she had actually reached her destination while the rest of her stared with hatred and disgust down at him.
Maybe it wouldn’t take much to drive her over the edge, just some egging and provoking here and there, mention the night he took the life of her husband, the way he cracked open that man’s skull and popped out his eyeball, maybe even lie and say he enjoyed that shit.
That whole crap should be enough to make her do it.
Make her do it before his girl got back.
She didn’t have to see this, she didn’t have to see this happening.
And once it was done, when she’d find him it would hurt like hell and the thought of it wrenched him apart, but soon, when his body was already rotting in the ground and the most tears had been cried, she’d realize that he was right.
He was just a burden.
She was better off without him.

“Alright, that’s it…but I’ll still get you back to Alexandria”, you mumbled not more than a half hour later, fixing the last bit of his bandage as he shifted uncomfortably on the worn off chair he had plopped himself earlier on.
“Really? Think that’s necessary?”, he grumbled, puckering his brows as he stared at his covered wound and huffed quietly.
His blue eyes were scanning over the cloth, as he ran his hand through his dirty blonde hair that was sticking out from the multiple times he must have already done it before he glanced reluctantly back at the small house.
“Yeah, that bandage is fine for the first bit but I want Siddiq to look over that…and I don’t think you should be out here with that kinda wound”, you mumbled back, pushing your used utensils back into the leather bag before glancing up at him.
“Okay”, he finally said before he heft himself slowly up from the wooden chair and let out a strained groan, “Just gotta get my stuff.”
“No, you gotta rest. Stay, I’ll get it for you.”

“Alright, there we go”, you mumbled as you got him into the passenger seat after placing his bag of clothes in the backseat, hearing him groan quietly as he fell onto the fabric and adjusted himself a little.
“Thanks”, he said, a sharp breath falling from his lips as he shifted his arm into his lap to give it a little stabilization before you shut his door with a dull thud and moved over the driver’s side.
Moments later you started the engine, letting the car zoom and shake slightly beneath you as you began to roll down the street again.
“Thought you’d be much more tense”, Will said after a small while as he leaned into the backseat, fumbling on his walkie as you let your brows pucker in confusion while you turned your head and glanced a little questioning at him.
“Hmm?”, you mumbled, looking back at the street as you the corners of your eyes caught him running a palm over his short dirty blonde beard stubble,“Now I didn’t think you’d be so calm with Maggie coming to Alexandria.”
With that an ice-cold shudder ran down your back as your head snapped towards him, your eyes burning into him as you tried to figure out if this was real or if you had just hallucinated his voice.
“What?!”, it left your lips almost without your own notice, your eyes only looking back at the road for a split second before you stared back at Will.
“You don’t know? Must’ve been a half hour before you got here”, he grumbled, holding up his walkie as he cleared his throat, “Got a shitty connection out here but enough to figure out she arrived…thought you had a walkie with ya too.”
“No, no I don’t I-”, your voice broke off as panic began to wash through your veins, adding onto the tension that had been lingering the whole time within you.
She hadn’t been in Alexandria for all this time, she wasn’t visiting for some cookies and a nice cup of tea.
She was there for Negan.
Your foot began to press down onto the gas pedal, simultaneously to your up-speeding heartbeat as your brain began to visualize your deepest fears that could happen right in these moment.
You shouldn’t have driven out.
You shouldn’t have fucking driven out.
If you hadn’t you’d be there now, you’d be there to keep her away from him.
He needed you and you weren’t there to protect him.
You were in this fucking fucked up car, in the middle of fucking nowhere.
“(Y/N), you gotta slow the hell down”, Will mumbled nervously, shifting uneasily in the seat beside you as you shook your head and glanced for a moment at him.
“She could be doing what fucking ever to him right now, I won’t slow down”, you said, half panted, your voice filled with panic you couldn’t hold back anymore.
Part of you tried to keep yourself under control, the other, the one that seemed to take over right now, put terror in each and every of your cells.
You knew her, you knew what she was capable of, she’d kill him if she got the chance.
That’s all she ever wanted.
“Will, I need you to give me your walkie”, you said, trying to grasp a clear thought before you already saw him shaking his head from the corner of your eyes.
“No, forget it (Y/N), not until you go down from that damn gas pedal”, he said, trying to keep his voice firm as you let out a stressed sigh.
“Alright, if you don’t hand it over, could you please ask if they know where she exactly is? Please, Will”, you said, your breath shaky as you slowed a small bit down for a moment, hoping to persuade him before he huffed slightly but finally got it up to his lips.
His voice boomed through your head even though he was talking lowly, your heartbeat pounded and echoed through your head as you waited for an answer coming from the other side.
But it didn’t.
“Told you we got a shitty connection out here”, he grumbled as he lowered the walkie again while the fear in you seemed to fill you up until you threatened to burst.
“Fuck”, you cursed, pushing the wheel slightly as your foot pressed down on the pedal again while a lump began to slowly grow in your throat.
Just last night he had hurt himself and now, shit, now someone tried to do what fucking ever to him.
What if you weren’t there on time.
What if Michonne wouldn’t hold her back or if it wasn’t enough?
You couldn’t lose him.
You couldn’t lose Negan.

Your nervously sweaty becoming palms pressed against the wheel, your foot growing heavy on the pedal while the walkie began to rustle, not even full words streaming through it, only loose vowels that were as good as impossible to fully combine.
“Sounds like some shit’s going down”, Will grumbled to himself, only letting you grow more uneasy as the trees rushed fast by you, letting them look like a green blurry mess beside you until you suddenly caught figures and horses with a carriage appearing at the horizon that just had to be from Alexandria.
They were blocking the road as they were buzzing around the carriages, fast and as restless as your racing heart.
Your car got closer and closer until you were forced to gradually slow down, especially as you began to slowly recognize them.
Beneath others, there were Diane and Michonne, from afar it looked like you could even see Carol and then, then you saw someone else.
Maggie.
Your heart skipped a beat as you skimmed over her, catching the crowbar in her hand that let a whole different nausea wash over your body.
She was coming back from Alexandria, she was with Michonne…so had she been at his cell? Had she hurt him? Had she-
Before you could grasp another thought the panic of losing Negan took over your mind, mixing the most terrible emotions within you and letting you feel like you blacked out for a moment as your senses only perceived their figures shortly before you, the stopping car beneath you, the sharp sound of the car’s door as you crashed it back into its frame and the way your feet hit the blacktop.
Eyes were fixed on you, on your in panic and anger trembling body, on your eyes that had already become watery, on the heavy breaths that let your chest rise and fall rapidly.
Your glance wandered over the crowbar, over its clean surface that didn’t let one ounce of relief run through you.
That didn’t mean shit, especially not to a mind as full of panic as yours.
Every single emotion rushing through you just got worse with each step as one special pair of eyes were fixed on you as you stomped towards them, focusing on you and wandering in a glare over your face.
For the first time after one and a half year.
“What the hell did you do to him?!”, it blustered out of you, half angrily panting, half with your voice threatening to break at the end of the question while your whole body formed into an agony mess, fearing whatever the answer may be.
Maggie’s glance narrowed some more as you stood before her, her lips pursed in an angered manner before the sound of her voice let every cell in you shudder.

“Nothing”, she snarled, the tone in her voice cold as this one word echoed through your head and couldn’t decide if it should elicit confusion or relief, ”Wanted to kill him but you know what? He’s already so much worse than dead.”
She huffed, her face pulling a thicker frown onto it as she stepped closer to your suddenly frozen self and clenched her jaw tensely before a tinge of satisfaction spread over her features.
“He begged me to kill him. Let that sink in, (Y/N). He begged me crying and sobbing on his damn knees to kill him.”
No.
No, that couldn’t be true.
She was just messing with you, right?
Just trying to drive you wild to hurt you.
But her voice sounded genuine, that painfully genuine that part of you tried to avoid seeing it, even though her eyes spoke the same language.
What she was saying was the truth…and after knowing what had happened last night, after knowing how fragile he was at the moment…even this one part in you that tried to deny it lost its fight.
“He wanted me to do it because he couldn’t”, she growled, the hint of satisfaction still painted on her face as you first recognized the single tears that had begun to roll down your cheeks, along your features that were still frozen in shock and pain.
“He’s so pathetic and weak he couldn’t-”
Her voice still echoed through your ears as she got cut off by the sound of nearby shots and louder becoming growls of the dead, before a mess of voices and information prattled in on you within just a couple of moments, visualizing a horrifying picture even though its mass only let you catch pieces of its puzzle.
Diane panted about a shootout at the camp between some Saviors and the departing Kingdomers with consequences that ended bloodily, with deaths especially on the latter side.
Daryl who you hadn’t even recognized till now was running closer, with eyes searching panicking over the forest, growling over splitting up with Rick so he could lead the herd further away from the communities and the bridge, all while the disturbing loudness of a mass of undead growls and the closeness of the bridge didn’t bode well.
Something had went wrong.
Horribly wrong.
The fast footsteps of Michonne and the rest of the group boomed over the earthy ground, seemingly letting it quake every second as they ran.
And you ran with them.
You were torn. Completely and utterly torn.
Back in Alexandria was Negan, your mind was rushing around him, visualizing what must have happened between him and Maggie while each more moment your mind made up hurt you more.
He wanted to die.
Negan wanted to die.
The man you were loving had begged someone to kill him.
You couldn’t wrap your head around it while your body was far ahead of it.
It was wrenching in agony, similar but still different to the pain you had felt under that tree on the hill, with his blood sticking to your fingers as he threatened to bleed to death.
Still, your feet were running.
Scared about what might happen at the bridge that could change everything while you knew at the same time that there was no way you could return now to Alexandria.
Part of you wanted to split up, split into two, get one part of yourself to Negan while letting the other one run towards the bridge.
The decision was made for you as your eyes caught the bridge, caught a mass of dead bodies stumbling over it while its end within the trees couldn’t be seen,  while your hand instantly and driven by your instincts reached to your gun holster, lacing your fingers around it, ready to use it if you had to.
“What was that?”, Carol shouted through the growls as another shot filled the air before your eyes ran over the bridge that filled more and more with walkers that had a very certain goal in their eyes.
“It’s Rick”, another voice shouted as you caught him near the end of the bridge on the other side of the river, pressing his hand onto his side that was soaked in dark red blood while his hand with the revolver was still high up, darting at the walkers in front of him until his glance fell for a moment on the group of people by the river’s side.
Shock rushed through your veins as you stared at him, catching how Daryl’s figure showed up beside you while your fingers still rested around your gun that tingled from the stress that seemed to multiply with each passing seconds.
“Move north, break up the rest.
Bring some guns!”, you heard Maggie shout, footsteps echoing over the ground as more people rushed towards the river.
Instead of following her lead like the others behind you your glance stayed fixed on your friend on the bridge as you saw him glancing down at you and Daryl, confusion and shock spread over his face as you could see him puckering his brows softly in concern as he shook his head and moved his blood covered hand as if he wanted to stop you all, as if he wanted to signal that it was okay this way.
From the corner of your eye you could catch the others running through the woods closer towards the bridge while your glance stayed focused on Rick and the walkers that stumbled closer, stretching their arms toward his figure as only meters parted them.
For a second you got dragged out of the trance this whole situation had thrown you in as Daryl threw his crossbow from his shoulder, grabbed a bolt and cocked it into its bowstring before rushing back to let it shoot towards the closest Walker to Rick, almost tearing the rotting head apart as it hit its target.
Your eyes stayed fixed to your half-brother as your fingers finally pulled the gun out of its holster, your glance meeting his as he pushed in another bolt.
For the first time since he knew of what you had with Negan, you seemed to have a little bit of the old connectedness back as neither of you needed words to know what you were going to do. Together.
Your hand grasped the gun tightly as you rose it up, darting at the walkers before Rick as you pulled the trigger, releasing bullets that brought down walkers as much as Daryl’s bolts did.
Rick glancing back and worth between the both of you and the walkers,  bending as he had to give in to the pain his wound was forcing up in him while his eyes got fixed on something within the dead for moments.
Slowly, he glanced a last time at the both of you as you reached the end of your weapons’ capabilities, gulping softly as he nodded grateful towards you while he rose his colt, his arm shaking threateningly as his blood began to cover the silver surface of his gun before his finger moved to the trigger.
And he pulled it.

For a moment, the world seemed to stop spinning as the bridge turned into a giant fireball, enlightening the air as its heat hit your skin and brought your blood to boil.
Rick had blown himself up.
He had blown himself and the bridge up to save all of you.
The realization of who you had just lost began to kick in as your lips began to tremble and tears began to slowly fill your eyes, blurring your view of the burning walkers that began to fall down the remains of the bridge into the wild water of the bridge that was as effervesced as the feelings that were streaming through your body.
“No”, left your quivering lips as this day turned more and more into a living nightmare. 
Your glance was fixed to the burning bridge that began to be covered in thick, black smoke that rose up onto the sky until the corners of your eyes caught Daryl’s head sinking in pain and utter grief.
Your head turned towards him as you felt your throat tightening while the first tears began to roll down your cheeks, catching his shoulders beginning to shake as he spun his body slowly away from the place that had become the death of his best friend.
You wanted to say something but instead his teary glance only met yours for the matter of seconds, filled with a pain that you had seen rarely in his eyes before he sniffled as turned once for all away, grabbing his crossbow tightly as he made his way into the woods, slumped in like a wounded animal with nowhere to go instead of away.
Away of the bridge.
Away of the one place that had been supposed to be part of the future Carl had wished for.
Away from the place that had turned out to be the opposite.
Rick was gone and you still couldn’t believe it, couldn’t fully grasp it as your mind rushed through the years you had known him, from the moment he had shown up at the campsite to this very last moment on the bridge, leaving you with a feeling of grief you had hoped to never feel again.
Still, you did.
Rick Grimes was dead.

You couldn’t remember much of the way back, it was like a cloth torn apart my moths, leaving blank spaces that couldn’t get filled.
All you recognized was your heavy foot on the gas pedal, the trees rushing past you, mixing into a mess of green and brownish spots until you caught Alexandria’s gates.
From then on, cries and murmurs mixed with one another, your eyes caught Michonne as she parted herself from Carol, still crying and whimpering as she vanished alone in her home to sink into her deep cut grief, Alexandria’s residents stood either in shock by another or cried silently, all while you stumbled panicking towards the brownstones.
You had just lost a close friend and you still couldn’t grasp it, couldn’t realize it.
All you knew was only that you couldn’t lose Negan as well.
Agony was dominating your body as you got closer to the tall houses, fearing that he might have harmed himself again or worse.
With every damn time someone hurts themselves, their dread towards it sinks, with every damn time someone hurts themselves, their ability to take a step further becomes more likely.
What if Negan had reached that point already?
What if you would step down those stairs and see him there, dark red blood trickling down his skin and staring with dead eyes at you that had just this morning looked with deep running love at you?
What if you had already lost him but just didn’t know it yet?
What if?
You fought against those thoughts, tried to keep the little flame of hope up in you as you reached the houses and found yourself rushing down the stairs, trembling and afraid of what was to come.
Your panicking glance bounced around the room like a pair of table tennis balls, searching for his figure as soon as you reached the end of the stairs before you did.
Slumped in he sat on is bed. Alive.
Still, your eyes scanned over him, searching for wounds but all you could catch was the injury of last night and the empty yet hurt expression that was spread all over his face, up until the moment his eyes met yours. 

The moments between this once glance and the time that passed until the guard had opened the door and let you slip inside had been as torn apart as the time you had spent in the car back home. 
Almost as if it hadn’t happened.
Still, you stood in front of him now, trying to make him look at you as he gulped and glanced at you, his eyes swollen and red from the crying even though an odd expression laid over his face, as if he was pretending that nothing of what you had heard had happened.
“What’s happening outside? Sounds like one hell of a mess”, he asked, obviously trying to bring up as much firmness as his sobs dreaded voice could, forming into words what his facial expression had already told you.
He was trying to be strong for you right now, you could see it right there and then in front of you as the man you loved tried to keep the threateningly rickety scaffold he was upright for you.
You couldn’t lie to him now, not even withhold it.
Not now that he knew something was going on, not in these circumstances.
In the end, it would just make it worse, besides the fact that you were by far not emotionally stable enough in these challenging moments to decide completely rationally.
“Rick’s dead”, it blustered out of you, the words seeming so impossible as you spoke them out, as if it wasn’t real, almost, as if you were telling a lie.
“What?!”

Painful stings pelted onto your body as you brought as short as you could out what had happened at the bridge, unable to go in detail as your body feared more agony that only waited for its moment to sneak up.
The words left your lips almost as if they didn’t belong to you, they just flew out as your eyes stayed fixed to Negan’s face, each muscle that twitched, each dried tear on his skin.
Tears clouded your eyes as he reached out to you, pulling you trembling closer until he could wrap his shaking arms around you, trying to comfort you even at his lowest.
His touch was soothing as you gave in to it and its caresses for a couple of moments, before you had to tear yourself from him as you got to the part that you feared the most, the part you had to tell him even though your whole body twisted even only thinking about it.
 
“Negan,…Maggie was there too”, you mumbled, indirectly revealing your knowledge to him as your voice was breaking in the end while his face fell in the matter of seconds, breaking the thin shield of calmness he had put on for you before it twisted in agony, wrenching you apart as you caught tears beginning to force their way into his eyes, unable to be held back anymore, as his shoulders slumped in like the ones of a hurt animal.
“I…I’m sorry”, he whimpered, his head lowering as the sob shook through him, shooting painful stings through your veins as you stared at him in pain.
“I should be dead…I have to be dead”, he mumbled, turning slowly away from you as your throat tightened again, his tears and words forcing a thick lump into your throat.
“No”, it broke out of you with as much force and strength as you could bring up before his tearful eyes glanced for the matter of a second up before they stared back to the ground as a shudder let his shoulders shake.
“’Cause…’cause I’m just a fuckin’ burden, you’d be better off without me.”
“No, no Negan I wouldn’t-”
“You should go…”, he mumbled shakily, “Maybe if I try that crap again I’ll get it done myself.”
The pain that got elicited by those words was indescribable, mimicking knives that dug into your body and turned and twisted until you were an agony filled mess, with more tears filling your eyes and a shock running through you that let your lips gap open but didn’t allow to let words flow out of it at first.
“Negan, stop saying that”, you finally said, your voice hitching through the tears that began to choke you ,”And I won’t leave you.”
“You should be able to mourn now,…you should be able to lean all the fuckin way onto me and not have to fucking worry even fuckin’ more”, he said, his voice as broken as the man in front of you before he shook his head as more tears rolled down his cheeks and got entangled in his thick beard.
“Heard you crying last night…when you thought I was sleeping”, he brought out, adding more shock to the agony whirling through your body as you tried to step closer to him before his weak voice echoed off the cold walls once more, “You shouldn’t suffer because of me…you-…you deserve to be happy and I can’t give you that.”
“That’s not true”, you chocked out, reaching towards his shaking hand until you could softly grasp it,”Negan, you make me happy.”
“No, no, all I do is make you worry-”
“I worry because I love you. That’s part of the deal…you’d worry about me too”, you said, your voice coined by the thick lump in your throat as you carefully moved closer until you could reach up and softly place your hand on his neck while the other still grasped his fingers , “If you love someone you worry about them when they’re not feeling well..but that doesn’t mean they don’t make you happy.”
A shivering breath fell from your lips as you couldn’t prevent the most urging tears to make their way down your cheeks, letting you sniffle quietly as you tried to keep the rest of you as much under control as you could.
“And I think in some way you know that…”,you gulped, trying to catch his glance as your fingertips caressed over the trembling skin of his neck ,”All this shit here is just fucking with your head.”
Negan’s face wrenched in pain as you glanced through tears clouded eyes at him, feeling him shaking beneath you as it broke completely out of him, sobs rumbling through his chest as you tried to push yourself out of the shock that froze your bones.
Negan began to slump in even more, trembling like an aspen leaf as your hand left his and instead allowed you to wrap your arms around him, pull him into your own shaking embrace until his head sunk into the curve of your neck and his quivering arms slung around your body.
His hot tears and his panting breath hit your skin as you dandled him back and forth in your arms, your hand caressing through his dark hair as more tears ran down your cheeks as you somehow tried to comfort the broken man in your arms.
“I can’t lose you”, it broke whimpering out of you, pulling him deeper into your embrace as you cradled him, closing your eyes as you leaned your head against his, nuzzling your nose into his hair as he slowly tightened his arms around you as well.

The sun was already going down when you found yourself sitting on the side of the bed, still holding him as he leaned against your side, sniffling as his face stayed buried in the curve of your neck and his shaking breath hit your skin.
Your fingers ran through his hair, drawing slow circles as your lips pressed to his temple, softly and careful as you tried to keep more tears from coming up again.
“I need you here with me, Negan”, you quietly mumbled as you held him closer, feeling how the lump began to press in on your throat again no matter how much you tried to fight it, “I don’t know what I’d do without you.”
Negan shifted closer, his arms still trembling as he slung them a little more around your waist as you tried to keep your voice from breaking.
“I don’t know how to get through those nights with the nightmares, I don’t know how to live without you, I-”, you said, feeling how your voice broke either way before you felt him slowly beginning to lift his head from your shoulder until he could glance at you.
His eyes were still swollen from the tears, his lips still trembling as you reached up, cupping his jaw as you caressed your fingers along his beard, chocking back more tears as you caught his glance and breathed softly out, “Negan, you’re my everything.”
His face relaxed a little by your words while your thumb gently stroke over his cheek, wiping away the last tears as you quietly gulped.
“If I could, I’d take all that damn pain from you onto me…I really would but I can’t…”,  you mumbled as his still clouded hazel eyes ran over your face, “I can’t just fix everything but I…I can help you through it…but you have to want it…”
He swallowed thickly, his eyes wandering for a moment to the ground before they met yours again as a quivering breath fell from his lips.
“I want it…I just don’t wanna-”, he stopped, unable to put the rest into words even though you could figure it out yourself. 
“I love you”, he brought out, his voice thick with emotion as you softly nodded and began to lean in, trying to grasp some hope even though you still knew how fragile he was.
“I love you too”, you mumbled back just before your lips softly captures his, feeling him melting into your touch the moment you met while he held you a little closer than before.
It was just a short, sweet kiss, but still it seemed to bring a little comfort into both of your bodies before your lips parted again but his face remained close to yours.
“Let’s lay down, alright?”, you carefully asked after a couple of moments, trying to shift this whole situation a little before you could feel him slightly nod.

You slowly moved back into the pillows, letting him move against your side as you pulled him back into your embrace, into the very same position as you had already laid in last night.
Slowly you moved in to nuzzle your nose into his hair while your fingertips caressed over his arm, slowly tracing up and down the prison’s suit fabric as you slowly began to feel him relax a little.
“Everything will get better, Negan”, you mumbled, moving your hand slowly up to brush over his beard, caressing it softly as you heard the first peaceful sound leaving his lips since you got back.
You tried to grasp it, let it give you some more strength even though there was still an unbelievable amount of distress lingering within you.
Still, you tried to push it away for a moment and take a breath, to focus on helping the man in your arms. 
“And you know what? As soon as things have calmed down, I will try to find Lucille…maybe she’s even still here…and I’ll try to figure things out, maybe we can make this all a bit better…get you out of here just for an hour or so to work or maybe just get some things inside here…but it will get better, okay?”, you mumbled as your fingers ran along his jaw before you pressed another small kiss to his forehead.
You could still hear the mess that was happening outside stream inside the cell through the windows, hear the grief the people outside were experiencing which was lingering in you as well, only pushed back by the mission to take care of Negan even though you knew it would break through earlier or later.
But next to all this pain and stress, as you finally heard him say “okay” quietly back, a part of you eased a little.
You knew this wasn’t it with this one word, by far not.
The rockiest of the roads you already had to overcome as a couple laid in front of you now, densely cluttered with large and sharp rocks that were ready to turn this path into a harsh and merciless test.
Still, you refused to let the hope in you vanish.
You were going to do everything in your might to help Negan through this, stand by his side along this rocky road until and beyond he would reach its end.
No matter if it would take weeks, months or even years…

(The gif isn’t mine/ it was originally posted by dancing-at-the-funeralparty)

tagging:

@agespenst @imaginesforthepeople @porgs-r-us @squidgy84 @toxic-ink@Nobodylastname @nice-shoes-nerd@thegirlwiththelyrics99 @tolieboy @writteninthestars288@magical-spit @straightestgay-voice@xsnak-3x@myrabbitholetoneverland@dasani-saraai@negan–is–god@harry-titss@traumbruch @negans-network@theblankestostares @amysuemc@ashzombie13 @trashimaginezblog@jeffreydeanneganstrash@sweetwittlebosco@futureofdestiel@bananakid42@dragongirl420@kalliewinchester-queenofhell@futureofdestiel@timeladyrikaofgallifrey@osakamilk @kattyshea20@dinodiegos@missmotherhen@kinkygamertrash @beahippie23@xabeautifultragedyx @negansmagic@starwarsandstufff@bdohe21 @lovesjdm @vanilla-negan @to-pick-ourselves-up-7@roselover159@mamarhee @the-writingdead@traumbruch@bellawindixon@dlb1999@thelittlewolf45@collette04@ask-kakashihatake@princessbelgoof@adixon13@botanicalthoughts @nijiru@cheyanhicks@jtklover123@twentyonewalkers @originalwinchestervamp@readytourie @ijashanaa @i-am-lady-anarchy@marauderspads@humble-thumb@hp-hogwartsexpress @mydeliciousdandelion@warriorqueen1991@unholyjs@kentuckywalker @mydeliciousdandelion @dancing-in-embers @gackts-guwashi @ugh-abbyxx@frozenhuntress67@hela-rious48@thoughtfullyoptimisticgalaxy@xojeffreydeanmorgan@thelittlewolf45@babygirlmeepi@thehybridsqueen@blueeyedsoutherngal @naniky @negans-network​ @the-wintergirl​ @fangirl-and-medstudent-help​ @lovesjdm

(In case you want to be tagged or untagged for specific things or everything I write, just let me know)

Negan’s Winter Writing Challenge

I’ve been thinking a while about finally celebrating the follower milestone and the 2 year anniversary of this blog, so here it finally is, my Winter Writing Challenge for Negan.
Beneath the ‘keep-reading’-cut are about 35 winter related prompts (including some Christmas and New Year related ones) which you can use all the way you like!

Anybody’s welcome to join and I honestly can’t wait to see more Negan fics all over tumblr!

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Rules:

• Please send me an ask, containing the prompt(s) you’d like to have (You can also send it anonymously in case you have a secondary writing blog and don’t wanna show your main one. Just mention the blog you’re participating with.)

•  You don’t have to follow me to participate, the challenge is open to anyone  no matter if you’re a writing blog or even haven’t written anything before, if you’re interested, you’re more than welcome to give it a shot

• You can either choose just one prompt or combine two if you like, but please don’t go over this maximum

• You can choose any prompt you want, even if somebody else already has it  but if I notice that one prompt (or combination) is chosen 4 or even 5 times, I’ll most likely close it, so we end up with a bigger variety. 

• It can be fluff, smut, angst, whatever you can imagine (in case you write about sensitive topics please use warnings)

• It has to be Negan x Reader (but which gender you choose is of course up to you)

• It can be as long (or short) as you want, but if you reach over 500 words, please use a ‘keep-reading’ cut

• It can be set in the apocalyptic world of ‘The Walking Dead’ but you can also set it in an AU or in the time before the apocalypse if you like 

• Make sure to tag me and use the hashtag “Negan’s Winter Writing Challenge”. As soon as I’ve seen your imagine, I’ll send you a message, but since tumblr is known for messing tags up, you are welcome to send me a message and let me know in case I don’t respond in the matter of a day.

• The deadline is the 27th of december (If you need more time, that is absolutely no problem, just please let me know!) 

Thanks in advance to everyone who’s interested in taking part, if you don’t wanna participate yourself, I’d be real happy if you’d still share this post!

Prompt
1. “Is that my sweater?”
2. “Kissing at midnight is for suckers…I got better ideas.”
3. “It’s finally snowing!”
4. “You look like Santa with that beard.”
5. “You’re cold? I’d have some ideas how to change that…”
6.  “Let’s take a walk in the snow.”
7. “You’re my secret santa, aren’t you?”
8. “You’re warm…you’re like my personal heater”
9. “Let’s get drunk on eggnog and fuck under the christmas tree!”
10. “Well, looks like we’re snowed in.”
11. “Those are supposed to be christmas cookies, you can’t shape them like dicks.”
12. “Let’s get cozy in front of the fireplace.”
13. “Bet you’d like to taste my candy cane, don’t ya?”
14. “Stop stealing all the blankets!”
15. “It’s almost midnight.”
16. “You shouldn’t be alone on Christmas.”
17. “Shit, the car’s stuck in the snow.”
18. “You know what? We’ll have a firework show on our very own…”

Keyword
19. Snowstorm
20. Leather gloves
21. Fireball whiskey
22. Cold hands
23. Firecracker
24. Red lingerie
25. Lead-pouring
26. Gift ribbon
27. Snowball fight
28. Crackling Fireplace
29. Mistletoe
30. Hot chocolate
31. Red scarf
32. Baking
33. Christmas lights
34. New Year’s kiss
35. Warm Leather Jacket
36. Fuzzy Socks
37. Christmas morning

I’ll simply tag some blogs that come to my mind, writing blog or not, but of course, you are absolutely not obligated to participate. I just figured some of you or your followers might be interested 🙂

 @twdsunshine @negans-network@collette04  @vanilla-negan @to-pick-ourselves-up-7@mini-me-ow @the-writingdead @flames-bring-a-ton-of-ash@writteninthestars288 @negan-is-god @i-am-lady-anarchy @i-am-negan-trash @jodiereedus22 @hyphymanatee @viraloutbreakcontrol @warriorqueen1991 @thewalkingdeadimagines @alyisdead @badluckgirl @originalwinchestervamp @neganswinchesters @ezekiels-tigers @underatedcharactersunite @simons-thirst-squad @twdsunshine @sergeantangel @imagine-daryldixon @naughtyneganjdm @jdmfanfiction @neganuniverse @im-negan @pseudonymfox @genevievedarcygranger

(Note: the gif is not mine, I found it on google so credit to the original owner)

Regular

Now I know that it’s been taking a bit for me to write the next part to my negan series (college is taking a lot time from me right now…) and I really hope that I’ll finish it wednesday but since I can’t be sure I thought about giving you a small foretaste! 
Below the cut is the first bit of the imagine (ca. 900 words). Hope ya’ll enjoy it 🙂

Sun beams enlightened hazel eyes, letting them light up in their warm tone, enhancing each of their features and the flow of their colors as they always did around this time in the morning, when the light intensified and streamed through the metal bars on the cell’s windows.
But there was a difference to those other mornings, one that still had the ability to let an ice-cold shudder run down your spine.
Those eyes were just as captivating as always but at the same time the glance stuck in them displayed each moment that had happened last evening and the following night.
They were still slightly reddened, the rings beneath them dark and the rest of his features still coined by the tears that had flown over them in the last night.
They were dried by now, just like the blood on his forehead wound that still looked as horrific as last night, despite your tries to take care of it.
Part of you still didn’t want to believe it, even though you deep down knew that everything about this was true, every single bit.
And just as much as you knew this, you knew that you had to find a way to help him out of this pit of darkness he seemed to have fallen into.

A small sigh left your lips as you felt his hand cupping yours a little tighter, letting his fingers intertwine with yours a little more as you shifted closer against him. The first hard part of this morning laid behind you, the first careful attempts to talk to him properly, not just about Michonne’s conversation with him and that what had followed, but also the reason she had decided to visit him.
A tiny bit of this talk seemed to have already paid off as you glanced for a moment at his breakfast that was gone by now, leaving only a few bread crumbs on the white plate beside the bed behind.
It was just a tiny step, but at the same time it felt like a big and mighty one.
You still weren’t sure how often he had done this to himself, how often his skull had met the cold stone and the agony just thinking about it just like the fear of triggering something in him hindered you from asking further.
”It’s almost time for your shift…you should call the guard down”, Negan mumbled with a heavy gulp, even though you could tell he was trying his best to keep his voice firm.
”I don-”
”No, you won’t stay here for me and get yourself into trouble, not gonna happen”, he cut you off, pushing the thought about staying with him that had ghosted through your head away before it could fully unfold.
”Siddiq would understand…I’m sure of that…if you feel like you need me here with you, I’ll stay”, you said, your voice soothing as you glanced at him and caught him gulping heavily as his eyes wandered over the gray cement ground.
”Still, you’d get some kinda problems for fuckin’ sure…I’ll be fine…as long as I can have you back in that bed here tonight I’ll be fine”, he said after a couple of silent moments, squeezing your hand lightly as he glanced up and forced a weak smile onto his lips.
You still looked at him with doubt, feeling like you didn’t want to leave him alone right now even though his words began to push you slowly into a different direction.
”I’ll be fine, Baby”, he said once again as he gulped, “I won’t do it again…”
His voice was quiet even though he tried to put firmness into it as he grasped our hand tighter and glanced for a moment at you.
You wanted to say something, put all those thoughts that were swirling through your head into sentences, tell him to not worry about you worrying about him but instead you leaned in and reached with your free hand up to cup the side of his jaw, softly caressing it before you slowly leaned in.
Your forehead rested against his, careful to not hurt his wound as you closed your eyes for a moment and let your fingertips toy softly with his thick beard.
You could feel him moving a little until his hot breath was brushing over your lips before they eventually captured yours, gently even though some small, needy growls still rumbled though his chest and vibrated against your skin as his warmth took you in.
”I love you..so damn much. You know that, right?”, you softly mumbled as your lips parted again, feeling like he needed to hear those words more than ever before.
”Yeah…I love you too, Sweetheart”, he rasped quietly, pulling you into his embrace until your face could bury into the curve of his neck and his arms could wrap tightly around your figure, allowing him to lean his head against yours and softly nuzzle his nose into your hair.
You could feel yourself melting into his hug just as much as he melted against your body, cradling you and keeping you deeply in his embrace as you closed your eyes for a moment, knowing that you had to leave this moment of comfort, earlier or later.

TWD ~ Negan Imagine – “The Obliged”

Summary: While Negan talks to Michonne, the reader has no clue about their fatal conversation until she comes back from work and finds a bleeding and crying Negan in his cell…

the last part / all other previous parts (None of the previous parts have to be read to understand the plot!)

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Agony struck through your body as you writhed in your disturbed sleep, the screams in your head forming into a horrific orchestra, determined to bring you down and drive you crazy until a deep, soothing voice began to interrupt them and sound through to you.
It grasped you, taking you to tear you out of the nightmare’s grasp while a familiar warmth began to engulf you tighter, bringing your consciousness slowly back as the dream still tried to pull you back into its darkness.
“Baby? Hey….Baby, wake up”, Negan’s voice mumbled, bringing you closer to the surface of finally waking up again until you broke through it and began to sense what the horror in your head was doing not just to your mind, but to your body as well.
You were trembling like an aspen leaf, your chest rising and falling through sharp breaths that cut through your throat and got disrupted by the taste of salty tears that trickled down your cheeks as a wave of icy coldness and boiling heat mixed within your veins.
“Shh…hey, it’s over. Everything’s fuckin’ fine. I’m here, Sweetheart”, Negan’s voice sounded through to you once more as you were finally able to open your eyes, glancing at his face that was only softly enlightened in the moonlight but which gave enough light to show the concern that had taken charge of his features.
Pants were still leaving your trembling lips as his eyes caught yours, running over your face in worry as his hand reached up, his thumb stroking softly over your skin to get rid of the salty tears.
Still in panic your glance wandered in restlessness over his face, his throat, his body, checking that he was fine and trying to prove to yourself that the nightmare hadn’t shown the truth.
There were no screams, he wasn’t torn up, there was no thick, dark red blood covering him, trickling down on the pile of rotten corpses that belonged once to the people you loved.
He was alive, not a hint of blood on his body, nor on the prison suit and there he was, laying right beside you, holding you in his arms and pulling you deeper into his embrace to comfort you.
“Hey, look at me, Baby”, he mumbled, trying his best to hold your gaze that still wasn’t sure enough that he was actually safe and sound, “It’s okay, everything‘s okay.”
Finally, you got yourself to look into his eyes as you slowly began to calm down and felt his thumb continuing its calming brushes over your wetted cheeks .
Slowly, you began to nod, sniffling slightly before he you watched him leaning in in the faint light until his lips could caress soothingly over yours, keeping them captured until he felt you melting into him, yearning for the kiss and his touches as if they could force the rest of what the nightmare had left in your bones out of your body.
His lips had just left yours as you sunk against him, burying your face into the crook of his neck as the fear got hold of you again and urged you deeper into his embrace, as if he would vanish into thin air if you let go.
“I love you”, your still trembling lips mumbled against his skin as you felt him tightening his arms around you before a set of warm lips placed on your temple.
“I love you too”, he mumbled back, pressing another kiss against your skin as you cuddled closer into his embrace, “So fuckin’ much.”

You stayed this way for minutes, engulfed by Negan’s arms as you were calming your body and mind down, slowly getting the trembling under control as well as the mess the nightmare had formed on your head.
“You wanna talk?”, you heard Negan eventually mumble as you found yourself sitting next to him on the edge of the cheap bed, feeling how he wrapped his  blanket around your shoulders as you glanced reluctantly at him, not sure if you should worry him even more.
But before you could think more, he let out a deep sigh and pulled you closer, recognizing the signals you were sending him.
After all, that man knew you and he knew that look.
“Was about my damn ass, huh?”, he grumbled, wrapping his arm around your waist as you longed for his warmth that set a clear contrast to the iciness that was radiating from the cold cement ground against the soles of your feet.
“You…the others”, you mumbled, gulping heavily as you tried to keep the pictures out of your mind before you slowly leaned your head against his shoulder and felt him resting his against yours.
“Well, now it’s over and fuckin’ done…I don’t die, that’s not how it works”, Negan mumbled, a soft, supportive chuckle in his voice, meant to cheer you up as his hand reached up and stroke for a moment along your cheeks.
“You tell me when you need your man to loose ya up, right?”, he added, his hand that was still cupping your waist squeezing it playfully as he finally elicited a small chuckle to fall from your lips as well.
“Yes”, you mumbled against the blue fabric of his prison suit as you huddled closer up to his tall frame,”But for now…can you just hold me?”
“Oh I can do that sure as shit”, he mumbled back as he loosened his hold on you for a moment to scoot back on the bed and eventually open his arms for you.
“Thank you”, you said, giving him a small but grateful smile as you climbed back into the bed, ”Thank you for being there.”
“No damn need to thank me…that’s my job, isn’t it?”, he grumbled with a small chuckle as you got closer to him, “Come here.”
Quietly, you let yourself fall next to him again, feeling how he wrapped his arms around you and grabbed your leg carefully to hook it over his, making sure that he could hold you as close as possible.
”There you go”, he mumbled as he pulled the blanket back over your bodies, tucking you in along with him as you nuzzled your nose into the warmth of his neck, breathed deeply and contently out before allowing yourself to close your eyes again without having to fear that those pictures rushed up again.
“You got no idea how much you help me with that”, you mumbled against his skin, feeling how he leaned his head back against yours, pressing a kiss to your forehead before a questionably hum left his lips.
“Hmm?”
“You help me deal with this”, you muttered in response as you cuddled into his comforting warmth ,”You make me stronger.”

The gravel was crunching beneath your shoes’ soles as you made your way towards the infirmary, the lack of sleep dragging on your body while you tried your best to stay awake.
The extra strong coffee you had made yourself at your old home was still lingering on your lips, letting you hope that it would kick in soon while your heavy eyelids sent you a whole different message.
You had woken up at least five more times that night, not crying and trembling like the first time after the nightmare, but with enough restlessness stuck in your body to have a hard time falling asleep once again.
Each time Negan had been the one to let you sink back into those sleepy depths again, just with holding and caressing you until your body relaxed again in his arms and allowed you to get at least a little sleep.
Without him there, you were sure you wouldn’t have been able to get more than an hour sleep, sure, it still wasn’t much, but you were grateful for every damn minute, especially after a nightmare as horrific as the one that had haunted you this last night.
You knew that these things wouldn’t just completely vanish because someone loved you, that’s just not the way it works but since you had him with you, they were at least a little less frequent and much easier to deal with.
Especially, because you also knew how these nights were without someone by your side and thinking back to them let an icy shudder run up and down your spine.
You huffed quietly as your tired eyes finally captured the infirmary from afar, reminding you of the extra hours you probably had to add onto your usual shifts once again.
A cold was going around, nothing threatening but strong enough to let a few people lay pretty low in the bed’s of the infirmary, joining the two workers who had hurt themselves working on the bridge and who all needed to be taken care of.
And since the consequences of your involuntary participation in the fight between Daryl and Justing had let you lay just as low as the patients at the infirmary for two whole days, it was your turn to take over the extra shifts at the infirmary.
You hadn’t returned to Rick’s big project above the river, not because of the fight, but because Siddiq needed you in Alexandria.
You could still see the disappointment written over Rick’s face as he got the news, taking with you also a bunch of others from the bridge that just added onto the problems that had emerged after the fight.
Justin’s sudden and gruesome death along with the vanishing of a bunch of other saviors were just a few of the things that had let he situation escalate, tearing a giant crack into the alleged pace that had rested between the communities. 
You could tell how important the bridge was to Rick, building something for the future, for the future that Carl would have wanted.
And now you were looking at the nearest future in front of you at the end of the path, hoping that you wouldn’t have to take yet another extra shift.
You got less time to be with Negan because of them, shrinking your time with him to a minimum before you were forced to sleep if you didn’t want to walk around as dead as the walkers outside the gates the next day.
It wasn’t just dreading on your nerves, you could tell it was dreading on his too, even though he was trying to stay strong for you.
Still, there always was this underlying darkness that kept welling up from time to time, trying to pull him into its depths and take him in.
Until now, you could always manage to pull him out again, one way or another, and let him see the light again but this shrunk time didn’t contribute to it.
And even though you tried to suppress it, tried to stay positive, if you were honest, there was a painful and wrenching fear lingering deep down in you that one day, you might not be able to pull him out of this darkness anymore.

“You want me to eat? Well, I want you to stay and talk to me”, Negan mumbled, glancing from the sandwich to the woman who was staring disbelieving and annoyed at him.
He needed to do this, he needed to be seen as a human again, not just the monster behind bars.
He needed to talk.
“I mean, I I’m proof that you’re making a civilization, right? I mean, that’s what your boyfriend says, so hard to be that if I’m dead from starvation”, he added, watching the annoyance on Michonne’s face growing some more before her huff echoed through the room.
“First, (Y/N) wouldn’t let you do-”, she began, stopping as she stepped closer to the bars, narrowing her glance as a shudder ran down Negan’s back.

“She doesn’t know, does she? You didn’t tell her about this…this little game.”
“No”, he responded in a growl, feeling an uncomfortable iciness spreading over his body. He wasn’t gonna let anyone pull her into this, especially not if this conversation would end up to have consequences for him.
No, fuckin’ sir.
”Don’t pull her into this”, he added in a rasp, hearing another annoyed snort falling from her lips as she clenched her jaw and stared at him, as if she was prepared to attack.
“Second, I thought you said you weren’t on strike.”
“I’m not if you stay and talk to me”, he mumbled, going for a second try, trying to read something off her face in the faint light before Michonne made a sudden movement, grabbing the edge of the chair and pulling it towards her.
“I’d say it’s about 20 minutes before the sun hits that bar.
That’s all you get. Then, you’re gonna eat every last bite”, she growled, a glare in her eyes as she plopped down on the chair, “You wanna talk? Let’s talk.”


“Sarah, you have to eat”, you mumbled with a small sigh as your glance wandered over the girl in the bed in front of you, coined by the thick cold she had caught herself.
Her eyes were slightly swollen, a cloudy glance stuck in them, her nose was reddened by the countless times she had wiped it, the blonde hair was hanging in strands around her face while the rest of her body was buried beneath thick  blankets.
“At least a little”, you added, placing the soup on the nightstand by her side as you slowly caught her shaking her head while a painful cough rumbled through her throat.
“I’m not hungry.”
“I know…I get it, but you have to try, at least a few spoons so your body can get some strength back”, you mumbled, a slightly pleading tone in your voice as you felt like you were playing a record back over and over again.
“Okay”, she finally muttered after a few more silent moments, ultimately grabbing the bowl and the spoon before slowly and hesitantly taking a few first gulps. 
Giving her a thankful smile you turned around to go on with your work, hoping to not catch one nasty cold yourself before you heard Siddiq’s voice echoing through to you.
“(Y/N)? Need your assistance over here.”

“I’m grateful at least one of the women I’ve loved doesn’t have to see me like this”, Negan mumbled, feeling his heart sinking a little by those words as he leaned against the cold wall and glimpsed at the woman behind the bars.
Till now this damn talk had been all easy for him, now, slowly, the hard one emerged and urged uneasiness into his bones.
“What do you mean? As opposed to the asshole that you were before?”, she huffed, giving him an snide glance from her position on the old wooden chair.
“God, she was…she was an angel”, he continued, ignoring the remark as his throat threatened to grow tight, throttling his air a little as he let out a deep sigh.
“She deserved better than she got…(Y/N) does too…wish I could give her more.”
Her eyes filled with all kinds of remarks he could figure out just too well but instead of speaking them out she remained silent for a moment before finally opening her mouth again.
“What happened to her? Your wife?”
“What used to happen”, he answered, the invisible thread spinning tighter around his throat as a cold shudder ran down his back, “Cancer.”
“We would’ve loved to have had a kid…”, it fell from his lips, urging the old memories and thoughts further into his mind before new ones mixed in and let him once more realize what could be…or rather what could have been if shit would have turned out in some damn other way.
“If things were different…I’d love to have kids with (Y/N) too”, he mumbled, his voice shivering slightly as it filled with emotion before he gulped thickly and glanced back at Michonne.
“Kid like Carl…”, he mumbled, seeing the twitch in her muscles, revealing what his mention elicited in him even though Negan could feel the sting in himself as well.
That kid had been something special, someone he would have loved to mentor some more…to actually have him like him.
”You got lucky.”
“I think about him every damn day.
But he’s still here.
In everything we do.
I look around, and I see him everywhere”, she said, her voice thick with emotion as Negan moved a little closer and sighed quietly.
“Do you see him in this cell?”
“Everywhere.”

“Haven’t slept well, huh?”, you heard Siddiq ask as he shoved the rest of his utensils back into the drawer, glancing at you as soon as it crashed back into the counter.
“Woke up a couple of times”, you mumbled, leaving the nightmare part intentionally out as you met his glance and saw him nodding slowly before a small smile grew on his lips.
“Go take a nap upstairs.”
”Really?”, you asked a little astounded as he began to nod once more.
“Yeah, half hour can do wonders sometimes…I know that”, he mumbled, letting a small chuckle out before he nodded back towards the patient rooms,”And I’ll be fine for that time, seems like we got a little break now, so use it.”
“Okay”, you responded, feeling how your body was already yearning more for a bed as soon as the opportunity seemed to unfold itself,”Thank you.”

A content groan left your lips as soon as you fell onto the bed, stretching your tired limbs out as soon as you settled into its middle and rested your head onto the soft pillows.
Another hum left your lips as you closed your eyes, hoping to get the best out of the half hour while the soft blankets and pillows let a small part of you remember the nights with Negan in his large bed back at the sanctuary.
The luscious black sheets and countless pillows that got only topped by the way Negan’s arms wrapped around you at night and kept you in his embrace.
If you were honest, those strong arms were something you were missing right now too, no matter how big and comfy the bed was.
A small huff left your lips as you opened your eyes just a little, glimpsing at the digital clock on the nightstand that let you remember to just use the time you had.
So instead of letting your thoughts run free some more, you cuddled into the pillows, humming quietly before closing your eyes again and allowing yourself to drift a little off.

“She made me…not weak”, Negan mumbled, a hard gulp traveling down his throat as he shifted over the cement ground, feeling how the cold stone of the wall pressed into his back as he ran a palm over his thick beard, “And now…with (Y/N)…”
Another sigh left his lips, filled with tension as he glimpsed up, catching the Michonne’s glance just for the matter of a second.
”Before her…I thought having someone you love with you in this…in some way it does make you weak…the dead harden us, y’know”, he mumbled, letting out a bittersweet chuckle as the woman behind the bar just stared at him, not disinterested, but rather as if his words began to let something stir within her.
”You feel like a shell of a fuckin’ person walking around, well that keeps you alive ‘cause you’re in some damn way not as vulnerable or fuckin scared, whatever”, Negan scoffed lightly, gulping as he felt the stinging pain of the past trying to bite his ass, ”My wife’s death put me in that kinda bubble…that’s what got me through for some time…”
Another deep sigh fell from his lips, the difficulty of talking about her and the pain connected to her death pressing in on him before he glanced up at Michonne and caught her eyes.
”And I can tell you’ve gone through that phase too, in some way.”
She stayed quiet, her glance intensifying by his words that told him he was right, even though she didn’t say a word, didn’t move an inch.
”And then, well then if you’re lucky you meet someone who makes ya feel alive again”, he went on, seeing how she kept staring at him as another small chuckle left his lips, ”That fuckin’ bubble bursts and shit’s scary as fuck, dangerous too ‘cause…as I said, it makes you vulnerable as hell.”
”Then why did you get together with her? Why are you still with her when it makes you so vulnerable?”, she suddenly spoke up, startling him a little by her abrupt response and the snapping even a little venomous sound.
”I’m just a human too, even though you probably see that different”, he said, breathing through as he glanced at his hands that fumbled on the loose threads that surrounded the fabric covering his knees ,”That temptation to feel shit again was bigger in the end. She trumped that.”
“And now, well now I guess part of me was wrong back then…sure loving someone makes you vulnerable…maybe weak too, ‘cause she’s my raw fuckin’ point…but that strength she gives me…that outweighs that weakness…gives you a reason to keep going”, he mumbled, feeling a little warm sneak up deep within him as he talked about her.
”And if I’m honest, when I got her with me I often catch my damn self not even giving a single flying fuck. Not fucking caring if it makes me weak or strong…that’s what she’s doing to me”, he quietly chuckled, having to admit even to himself how big her impact was on him, especially in this dark time ,“I’m just happy to have her.”
“What’s your point?”, Michonne growled, her voice sharp as she stared down at him on the cold cement ground.

”As much as Ricky the prick is a pain in the ass to me, to you he’s probably in some way what (Y/N) is to me.”
”Negan, what do you want to tell me with this?”, she added, the growl in her voice still clearly audible as he glanced up at her and made sure that she looked him in the eye for his next words.
”We’re the same.”

Siddiq had been right, the half hour had helped, letting you feeling at least a little more awake through the next few hours until you found yourself back in the kitchen, cleaning the bowl Sarah had finished much to your gladness.
Siddiq stood next to you, sorting  in the new meds and bandages into the drawers before he stopped to glance outside, sighing quietly as he propped his hands onto the wooden counter.
Distracted by him you glanced up as well, catching a set of four men and women coming from the gates, carrying a few small boxes that gave away the place they had come from pretty quickly.
”Coming from the bridge, huh?”, Siddiq mumbled, quiet enough that it could sound like he was speaking to himself before you slowly nodded.
”I liked working there”, he added, letting out a small sigh as he shrugged his shoulders and gave you a small crooked smile,”Was a bit of a challenge.”
”Yeah…I liked it too”, you mumbled, thinking about the opportunity to be in the woods, another set of surrounding than all the same walls in the infirmary for a few hours a day.
“Maybe if the cold beats retreat we’ll get to go there again…at least for some shifts”, you said, turning off the water and reaching out for a small black towel to dry the bowl in your hands up while Siddiq remained quiet.
”What?”, you mumbled quietly as he still hadn’t said anything back, before he slowly shook his head.
”Heard they’re pulling even more people back…heard rumors Carol’s taking her team too and besides, Eugene told me the waters been becoming harsher from the rainfalls, some kinda roulette game if the bridge’s gonna hold or not.”
A sigh left your lips as soon as Siddiq’s voice hushed, leaving you torn about the thought what must be going on in Rick in these moments, standing in front of the alleged shards of his heart project.
”Shit…feel sorry for Rick”, you mumbled, catching Siddiq nodding quietly before he shrug his shoulders and pushed himself to loose the tension that had begun to spread over his face before he glanced back at you.
”Maybe it still works out, who knows.”
”Yeah”, you mumbled, giving him a small smile before you glanced back outside, finding the men and women that slowly got completely out of your view, descending behind a few of the rebuild houses.
Within just a few moments Michonne replaced them, walking down the street with fast steps that let her dreads dance over her shoulders as she stumped over the blacktop.
Your glance followed her for a second or two before you glanced down again to the sink, hoping that at least on this day you could leave on time to return to Negan.

“We don’t have your bat, Negan”, Michonne’s voice echoed through the cell, a firm tone in her voice as an ice-cold shudder ran down Negan’s back, taking his body in within the matter of milliseconds.
That couldn’t be true…no that couldn’t be fucking true.
“But…but she said Lucille’s at the armory-”, his voice brought out, shivering as he thought back to the things (Y/N) had told him after confronting Rick.
She wouldn’t lie to him.
No, fuck no she wouldn’t do that.
She had been the one to take Lucille with her on that goddamn day at the hill, she had been the one to make sure the bat could stay a little in his room at the infirmary…so what the fuck had they done after he had been imprisoned…what the fuck had they done to her?!
Heavy breaths left his lips as he stared at the women behind the bars, his brows puckering in desperation while a small, sly smile formed on her lips as her voice echoed through the cell again.
“She was.”

“See you tomorrow”, you said, a smile spread over your lips as you shoved your jacket over your arms while your glance wandered from the descending Siddiq to the clock that finally showed you that you could leave as planned, with enough time left to make a short stop-by at your old home to get some new clothes for the night and maybe even hop into the bath for a quick shower.
A content sigh left your lips as you finally slipped outside and walked down the porch’s stairs before a familiar voice stopped you from going any farther.
“(Y/N), Wait”, Michonne’s voice made you turn around to her as she approached fast until only a meter parted you.
“We have to talk…about Negan”, she said, the firmness in her voice immediatley letting a shudder run down your back as you stared in confusion at her, waiting for her to say something. 
“I know you didn’t know but I want you to do so now,…in case something like that happens again”, she said, a sigh leaving her lips as she glanced at you while the restlessness in your body grew.
“Michonne what?”
“He refused to eat, only gave in when I agreed to talk to him.”
”He didn’t eat?”, a coldness shook through you, sending an awful mix of emotions through your veins, an odd feeling of disbelief filling you up even though you could tell she was saying the truth, ”For how long?”
”Since yesterday, but it’s ended now, hopefully”, she sighed, your mind still trying to sort everything she had just said before you heard her voice again.
”You should check on him, either way…the sooner the better”, she mumbled, her voice as firm as before, ”Didn’t take everything I said very well.”
”Is he-”
”I don’t know what he’s doing. But in case he’s throwing a tantrum, I can’t have that. Don’t need him to drive the guards crazy.”

Those last words of Michonne kept echoing through your head as you rushed down the streets, your shoes’ soles hitting the blacktop with fast steps while your breath grew quicker and sharper, daring to slice cuts into your throat.
How the fuck hadn’t you noticed he wasn’t eating?
Or had there even been a chance for you to do so?
He always got the meals during the day, the plates were each and every day already gone when you got there.
Your head was an only mess, trying to figure out what exactly Michonne could have told him while his refusal got clearer to you, it made sense, even though it was hard to admit.
That damn darkness was creeping up again, the memories of what he’d lost, the knowledge of how people were seeing him now, like a monster behind bars.
and that was just a small part of it.
Your heart pounded up into your throat, your pulse echoing through your ears as you finally approached the brownstones, not sure what to exactly await before the odd glance the guard was giving you just let the uneasiness in you grow.
“Well, thank god you’re here”, a huff left his lips, pushing you to furrow your brows in worry and confusion before he slowly shook his head and pulled the keys out of his pants pockets.
“What-”
“See for yourself.”

The moment the door to the house opened your heart skipped a beat, letting the blood in your veins freeze as a rush of panic and concern washed over you.
Cries bounced off the walls, deep, heart wrenching sobs that belonged to the man you loved.
All out of sudden your feet began to run, to rush through the house, shut out everything around you as you stemmed the door to the cellar open and got hit by the uncovered sound of his agony filled sobs and whimpers that let your heart break a little more with each second you were exposed to them.
You couldn’t think, couldn’t even perceive the way you stumbled down the stairs even though your shaking and fast legs dared to let you fall with each step.
Everything in you had blacked out until you caught the metal bars appearing in front of you, showing you the fitting picture to the sounds that reechoed through the cell.
There he was, almost vanishing in the faint light, cowering in the middle of the cell, his hands buried in his short dark hair, his body slightly teetering back and forth as tears streamed down his cheeks and wetted his thick beard as the sobs let his chest rise and fall in a threatening fast rhythm.

“Negan…”, fell from your lips, quietened by the lump that was forming in your throat, urging tears into your eyes as you stared at the picture of misery in front of you Negan had turned into.
“I won’t open the door until he’s on the bed. Rule is rule. Don’t know if he’s fakin’ just to attack as soon as that door’s open”, you suddenly heard the guard’s voice sound through to you, adding with those three sentences a boiling anger to your deep worry that formed into a threatening glare that snapped towards the guard.
“You can’t fucking possibly think that?! Get that damn door open”, blustered out of you, not as aggressive as the emotions in you tried to push it but breaking and panicking by the thought to not get to him.
A sigh left the guard’s lips, his brows pulled into a deep frown before he clenched his jaw and pushed the key into the lock, pushing the door just enough open for you to slip in.
The anger in you wanted to shoot him one more glare for this petty act, but instead the worry in you took over, pushing you through the gap in the door before you found yourself sinking to your knees in front of him.
The tears began to blurry your view as your lips gaped open, letting restless breaths fall from your lips as you slowly reached out to him, placing your hand on his shaking shoulder as you suddenly heard his broken voice sounding through to you.
”Lucille’s gone”, he sobbed, confusion rushing through your mind as soon as he spoke up once more, ”She…she’s out there again.”
”I thought she’s in the armory…”, your trembling voice mumbled as you shifted closer to him, remembering what they’ve had told such a long time ago, after you had taken her with you from the tree on the hill, after Negan had been imprisoned, while your mind was working flat out now, trying to find answers even though there was no way.
Was”, Negan whimpered, his broken voice sending painful stings through your body as he finally looked up at you, showing in the faint light enough for you to see his red rimmed eyes that were swollen from the still flowing tears, ”Said she got lost on a weapon transfer…they didn’t fuckin-…fuckin bother to look aft-”
”Oh my…”, only fell from your lips, the agony that was taking him in was settling over to you as well, forming a whirlwind of pain within you that grew and picked up pace with each second.
“Come here…”, you mumbled, feeling your voice trembling as you wrapped your arms around him, pulling him into your embrace before his shaking body melted against you, his face burying into the curve of your neck.
His hot tears met your skin as you cradled him, your hand reaching up to caress through his hair, trying to comfort him as well as you could before something wet touched your fingertips, letting you flinch away before your eyes stared in the faint light at your fingers whose tips were covered in his thick, red blood.
A shivering breath fell from your lips, your mind trying desperately to figure out why he was bleeding, why blood was trickling from the wound on his forehead you hadn’t been able to see in the faint light.
Heavy pants began to shake through your ribcage, letting it rise and fall against Negan’s slumped shape in your embrace as your eyes wandered in panic through the cell, before the sunbeams streaming through the gaps of the metal bars on the windows highlighted a spot on the stone wall that shook a wave of pain through you.
Blood was sticking to the stone, shimmering threateningly in the light while your heart seemed to stop for a moment and a wave of nausea washed over you as realization kicked in.
He had done this to himself.
he had bashed his head against the wall.
He had-
”Negan, wha-”, your voice couldn’t bring the sentence to an end before it broke, the lump in your throat growing to a size that made it harder and harder for you to speak.
Panic began to rush through you as your mind kept trying to tell you to keep a cool head and be strong for him even though nothing seemed harder than this in these moments.
You should know how to deal with this, you should.
But this was the man you loved in your arms, still sobbing and whimpering, his body trembling in your embrace while the blood of his self-inflicted wound was sticking to your fingers and was still slowly trickling down his forehead.
Tears blurred your view again as your body began to tremble harder, enough for Negan’s whimpers to stop for a moment and loose his own shaking body out of your embrace.
You wanted to say something, not only ask him why even though you secretly knew the answer, but rather comfort him and find a solution that would let his pain vanish.
But while a wrenching fight was happening between your wild running emotions and your mind, Negan slowly backed away, enough for his tears clouded eyes to capture your face that was still taken hostage by shock, pain and a good ounce of disbelief.
“Don’t cry”, his trembling lips brought out, his face wrenching in agony as his trembling hand reached up and brushed over your cheek that had become home to the first tears that had rolled down your face against your will ,“I…I don’t want to you cry because of this-”
“Negan, you bashed-…you harmed yourself, I-”, it blustered out of you even though you wanted to say anything else, ”I’m just-”
New tears trickled down his face as he tried to suppress another sob to erupt his chest while his hand fell from your face.
“I’m sorry”, he whimpered, lowering his head as suddenly all the alarm clocks in your head clicked on and let the urge to stay strong and keep a cool head for him to overcome the wild running emotions of pain.
“No, no, don’t Negan…you don’t have to feel guilty, okay? Don’t do that…”, you said, trying to keep your voice as steady as you could as you reached out to him, softly cupping his face to lead it up until you could glance at him.
“Okay?”, you mumbled again, brushing your thumbs over his cheeks to get rid of his tears and give him some soothing touches before you slowly saw him nod.
“I love you”, you quietly mumbled as you leaned in, kissing him softly, hoping that it might calm him at least a tiny bit.
“I love you too…I-” he mumbled against your lips, his voice breaking as new tears welled up in his eyes and throttled him.
“Shh…It’s okay”, you mumbled, keeping your voice soft as you caressed his face even though you were fighting against the tears that tried to find their way into your eyes as well ,”It’s okay, Negan.”
You gulped quietly before you pulled him back into your embrace and cradled him tightly, kissing the top of his head while you tried to not only calm him but yourself down so you could help him instead of breaking out in tears.

“We’ll calm down now and find a solution…okay?”, you quietly mumbled into his hair, nuzzling it as you cradled him tightly while small whimper left his lips.
“There is no-”
“There is”, you cut him off,  softly but firm enough to sound persuading, hoping to shut down his negative thoughts,”I’m here, alright?”
Your fingers ran through his hair, the tips still daubed with his blood as you caressed them over his scalp, teetering him softly back and forth while the feeling of new tears pressing against your skin let you rise your voice again.
“Always.”

You weren’t sure how long you exactly stayed this way on the cold cement floor,  his trembling body melted against yours, his face buried into the curve of your neck while you cradled and caressed him, trying to calm him further down while the constant shroud of tears in your eyes kept taunting you.
Softly, you pressed another kiss to his hair, nuzzling your nose into his dark locks while your fingers suddenly touched the blood on his forehead again, letting you flinch slightly as you knew that you couldn’t stay this way forever.
Who knew how often he had done that to himself, who knew what that could have as consequences.
Hell, you needed to be strong now, you had to take care now and check him as well as you could and maybe distract him a little with treating his wound would help at least a tiny bit.
“We…we need to get that cleaned up”, you eventually mumbled, gulping to get rid of the rest of the lump that had been lingering in your throat,”Alright? And then we’ll take it from there.”

Seeing Negan trying to lift his weakened body up and slumping himself over to the bed broke your heart all over again, the hurt glance in his eyes only contributing to it as you sat down on the squeaking mattress.
Your hand patted his softly before you bent down, your still trembling fingers reaching past the thin book and the few magazines you had been able to bring him, even though it had taken a lot of persuasion and discussions with the guard.
Finally, you got to the bit of medical utensils you had deposed here when you had still taken care of his cut wound before grabbing them and shifting back closer to him, enough to let him feel your closeness.
“Okay, there we go”, you quietly mumbled as you sprinkled disinfection liquid onto a thin cloth, glancing softly at him before you carefully reached up to dab the cloth over his wound.
Negan flinched slightly by the sting the disinfection was eliciting before lowing his head slightly to make it a little easier for you.
It did, treatment wise, but hell, it also made it harder.
With that, you saw the wound in all its gruesome glory.
Saw what he had done to himself.
A small gasp left your lips, almost sounding like a whimper you couldn’t suppress as a stream of light hit his wound, enlightening it as you tried to concentrate even though the voice in your head began to count how many times he must have bashed his head against the wall to get to this wound.
Every time your mind added another bash a stinging pain shot through your body, making it harder for you to stay focused, making it easier for the tears that kept shrouding your eyes.
It had to have been at least five times…if not more and you were afraid that there may be more injury lingering beneath the wound than your eyes could perceive.
Another shivering breath left your lips as you tried to remove the blood before you felt Negan’s still slightly shaking hand reaching out to you.
Lightly, it grasped yours that still rested on the mattress, squeezing it gently like it already had done so often when trying to comfort you in the past.
Lowering your hand from his cleaned wound you laid the cloth next to the bed, just to reach up again and cup the side of his face to let him glance at you.
For a moment, you were torn, unsure if you should ask him how often he had done this or let it be, avoiding the risk to well up pain and stress again that would ruin the bit of calmness he had achieved by now, especially because you weren’t sure if this information would be worth much in your hands.
You decided for the latter, hoping that you could ask Siddiq later on to take care of his physical health and for now, trying to take care of what seemed much more urgent.
His mental health.
“I’m sorry you have to-”, you heard him mumble, his voice breaking in the end as you shook your head softly and brushed your thumb over his cheek.
“Shh, it’s okay…it’s okay…don’t worry about me now”, you muttered, feeling how more thoughts pressed in on your mind, the rest of his talk with Michonne, or even more what had led to it, the hunger strike.
An urge in you wanted to know about those things but you kept pressing them back, telling yourself that you should take care of them on the next morning, when the situation had calmed a little down and distanced itself.
For now, there was only one thing that had directly led to his behavior and his breakdown, or at least it had been the one to trigger it and finally open the gate for all the darkness that had already so often tried to captivate him.
God, you knew how much the bat meant to him, what kind of memories were stuck in it and not only that, but also what an emotional crutch it had been for him through the apocalypse and its troubles.
You had to find a way to get her back, somehow.

You glanced back up again, looking with agony in your veins at the man in front of you who seemed like he was slowly breaking apart, giving in to the pressure that had been lingering over him over the last year and a half.
It elicited a fear in you that crawled through your body, nestling in beneath your skin as you reached out to him and bit new forming tears back.
“Come here”, you softly mumbled, shifting back onto the mattress until your could lean into the pillow and guide him closer to you.
Within seconds he allowed himself to fall back into your embrace, bury his head into the curve of your neck as his large and tall frame huddled up to yours.
You cradled him softly against your body, running your fingers through his hair, while your arm wrapped tightly around him as your mind spooled back to the reason for this all, just as much as the urge to help him. 
“I’ll try to find her-”
“No”,  he cut you off, his voice still coined by the sobs and whimpers from before as he rose his head from your shoulder for a moment and let his bleary but determined eyes glance at you ,”No, you won’t go out there for me when that shit herd’s roamin’ around.”
You stared at him, unsure and a little desperate in what to do now before you breathed through and gulped softly, nodding as you knew that this wasn’t gonna be the way to go, at least not right now.
You guided his head back into the curve of your neck, brushing over his hair before you sighed softly and tried to let your head work as well as it could in these moments, before you rose your voice again.
“You know what? Maybe Michonne didn’t say the truth, maybe she’s still somewhere here. Maybe she just didn’t want you to know”, you said, keeping your voice as soothing as you could as he shifted slightly in your embrace.
“You think that?”, he asked, his voice raspy as he nuzzled his face closer into your neck while a small ounce of hope seemed to create within the desperation that had taken hostage of his voice before.
“I think it’s more than possible…why should they leave her behind when she’s one of the things they can have power over you with? I know that’s nothing great to hear…I know…but I’m sure they wouldn’t want to miss out on that opportunity”, you mumbled, not only to calm him but also because you felt like this could actually be true.
There was much that could simply get lost, but something as powerful and meaningful as Negan’s bat? The possibility was small.
“So yeah, I think she could still be here…”, you added as you could feel his breath growing a little steadier as you teased your fingers through his hair, pressing another kiss to his forehead as you leaned your head against his.
“I love you, Negan…I love you so much”, you softly mumbled, feeling how the lump that was still lingering in your throat was pressing in on you again as you cradled him tightly and felt how your worry about him took some more charge over your body as the urge to just function was slowly vanishing
A soft ‘I love you too’ was the only thing that got a tiny smile for a moment on your lips before new tears formed in your eyes as you nuzzled your nose into his hair and caressed him softly.

You kept cradling him, holding him tightly in your embrace until you felt him beginning to slowly relax, the exhaustion the sobs and the hunger strike had brought into him mixing with the bit of calmness you had been able to create.
With the passing time, his breath grew steadier, his body melted against yours and his head sunk a little deeper into your neck until you could tell that he had fallen asleep by the time everything outside had turned pitch black.
Just then, just when you were sure he was somewhere in the depths of sleep you allowed the tears that had lingered in your eyes to break out and roll down your cheeks, releasing the tension and pain that had been stuck in your body.
You knew that you had to find a way to help him as soon as the sun would rise again, but right now a part of you was just thankful that he seemed to be at least swinging in a peaceful sleep.
It was an odd mix of emotions that streamed through your body, fear and deep worry mixing with shock and a bit disbelief that still let part of this whole scene seem surreal while you quietly sniffled and tried to somehow handle the fact what he had done to himself hours before in just this cell.
Eventually, your last tears dropped into his black locks as you closed your eyes and nuzzled his hair, hoping dearly that better days would await the both of you as you held him just as soothingly and tightly as he had held you in the last night.


(The gif isn’t mine/ it was originally posted by dancing-at-the-funeralparty)

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