Summary: When Negan escapes from his cell to find a way to a better future with the reader, he provokes a storm in Alexandria that gets the one person in trouble he wants to protect the most.
Sleep was still lulling you into its depths as a low voice began to stream through to you, slowly tickling the consciousness awake.
Softly groaning your tired mind tried to sort the voice into a category as it sounded through your head once more, pushing you enough to the edge of wakefulness to let your eyes flutter slowly open.
Your view was blurry at first, only taking in the brown hair and hazy features of the man in front of you before it got clearer with each passing second.
“Miles?”, you groaned drowsily, wrinkling your brows in confusion before your head bounced into reality and made you remember where you were.
In a bed of the infirmary, not by Negan’s side in the cell.
Working all day and night before laying down to take a nap while all the patients were sleeping –
“Oh crap, the patients”, you called out, standing almost straight in your bed as you were suddenly wide awake, cursing yourself for oversleeping.
You had laid down when it had been completely dark outside, now the morning sun was shining brightly through the windows, urging you to realize that your exhaustion had urged your body to take more sleep than you had planned.
“Its fine, they’re all still sleeping, and if they wake up, Karen’s already ready to take care of them. We’re taking over now, came back earlier from the run than we thought”, your co worker said, giving you a small smile as your muscles began to tense a little less and the adrenaline that had rushed through your veins decreased, “I just decided to wake you up so you know we’re back.”
“Okay, thank you…sorry though, just couldn’t keep my eyes open anymore and they were all asleep”, you mumbled, adjusting your clothes as you heft yourself up from the bed and have him an apologizing smile.
“Don’t worry, can’t blame it on you, keeping that thing here going all alone is one hell of a job, no wonder you needed a break”, he chuckled before he nodded towards the half open door, “You mind getting Karen and me up to speed? Then you’re all free for now.”
“And Will’s wound is doing better, still needs the salve Siddiq mixed for him though.. but that must be it”, you said as you found yourself standing ten minutes later in the kitchen of the infirmary while both of them listened to you as you finished going through the list of patients that laid in the beds of the infirmary.
“Great, then we see you back tomorrow, right?”, Karen asked with a smile, already grabbing some bandages while you gave her a small nod.
“Yeah, see ya”, you said back, grabbing your jacket while the anticipation begun to grow in your body, only rising as you finally stepped out onto the porch that was enlightened by the morning sun.
A soft breeze was brushing over your skin, bringing a little peace into your still tried body while a smile began to grow on your lips as you realized that only a few minutes parted you from huddling up to Negan.
You couldn’t wait to feel his arms wrapping around you, feel him tucking you in along with him beneath the blanket and nuzzle your nose into the warmth of his neck just so you could doze back off and get something of the sleep back you lost while treating the patients all night. Your thoughts only let the smile grow wider as you hopped down the stairs of the porch and made your way down the street, enjoying the warmth of the rising sun that danced over your skin.
A content sigh left your lips as you made your way further down the street, your eyes fixing on the path you were making every single day for the last seven years before a figure made its way into your field of vision that threw your good mood slowly off.
His face was twisted in anger, the eyebrows pulled into a tight curve, his eyes squinting even though it couldn’t cover the furiousness burning within them while his hands clutched a piece of paper while he stumped towards you.
For a moment, you questioned that Kent was walking towards you, wondering if it had to do anything with the bad news about Rosita and Eugene you had gotten yesterday but with each step he came closer, you excluded it more and more.
He was having you as his target, for whatever reason.
“You wanna tell me anything about this?!”, he growled, as only a couple feet parted you, the hand with the paper sheet rising up, almost holding it into your face as you glanced full of confusion at him.
“What is this?”, you only choked out watching as more fury spread over his features with each of your words.
“Are you fucking kidding me?”, he growled, his jaw clenching threateningly as he pushed the sheet finally into your hands.
“Laid on his bed in his cell, you wanna explain this?”
With now shaking hands you began to unfold the paper, still utterly confused and with the worst scenarios sneaking into your head before your eyes eventually scanned over the familiar handwriting that shook you to the core.
I’m coming back, Sweetheart. Gabriel let the door open and I had to take the damn chance. I’ll be fine, so don’t you worry your pretty head off. Don’t risk shit and come after me, just trust me. I’ll make it right for us.
Love you more than fucking anything.
“He’s gone”, Kent spellt it out for you as an icy shudder ran down your back while your eyes went over and over along the lines, still feeling as if you were caught in a surreal dream instead of reality.
“You set this up with him? Pushing the fault on Gabriel? You-”, Kent growled out but instead of reacting to his accusations your mind ran past it, your head only twirling around Negan as you cut him off.
“He can’t be gone-…I-”, you stumbled, your fingers clamping on the edge of the sheet, your eyes still tracing over it over and over again while your throat was beginning to tighten as your body filled with worry and more confusion. Before you could even notice anything else you felt yourself moving past him, urged to see it for yourself, urged to go to the place you last saw Negan.
“Where the hell are you going?”, you heard the man snap, keeping up with you as you rushed down the still empty streets of Alexandria.
“I…I have to see this for myself.”
Your breath was shivering and harsh as you stumbled down the stairs, almost falling as you felt your legs becoming weaker with each step while your trembling hands still clutched the handwritten note.
Part of you still tried to convince yourself hat you were still laying in the bed at the infirmary your mind was only churning up an odd dream fueled by your body’s exhaustion but as soon as you stepped into the cellar even this part vanished into thin air.
The cell was empty.
For a moment you froze to the spot before you stumbled slowly into the cell, glancing around the room, at the bed where Kent had found the note you were holding in your hands as if your life depended on it.
“You’re gonna stop playing that game now?”, you heard Kent’s voice suddenly behind you, snapping you out of the trance the shock had kept you in while you first realized what he was accusing you off.
“I am not playing any game”, you choked out as you turned around, glancing into his furious eyes that contributed to the mess of emotions that was beginning to whirl faster through you,”How the hell should I’ve helped him?”
You could feel yourself torn up between the worry of what would happen now and the rising anger of Kent’s accusation, only fueled by a provoking rising of his eyebrows as if you were pulling an act on him.
“I haven’t seen him since yesterday midday, I was at the infirmary the whole time, ask the patients or Miles and Karen…”, you said, just as shaky as peeved, too shaken by what was happening around you to react to the mess he was trying to throw at you.
“Sure thing, (Y/N)”, he snapped sarcastically, shaking his head as he stared with you before he let out a thick huff and stormed up the stairs, following the voices that were beginning to grow louder outside the jail.
A shaky breath fell from your lips as you found yourself alone in the middle of the cell, still confused and as if you were stuck in a surreal dream.
You found yourself sitting down on his bed, staring at the note in your hands while reality began to sneak up on you and began to filter your emotions out of the mess that was whirling through you.
You weren’t mad at Negan, not at all. You’d always wanted him out of this cell, but with these circumstances right now, you were more worried than anything.
He was one strong and big man, but also one that hadn’t been outside for seven years and hadn’t even killed nor seen a walker since then.
He was lacking practice and even though you trusted in his skills and determination, even the fittest fighters were able to get lost and hurt out there.
And that was the last damn thing you wanted.
For the first time in all these years, Negan could actually feel the sun shining down on him. Not just some light beaming through the windows of his cell, no, actual sunshine that seemed to surrounded all of him as he sat at the door of an empty caravan, chewing on some of the tomatoes he’d taken with him out of Alexandria. It wasn’t too much, but it was fine for the start.
Being outside was great, so damn great that it still felt little surreal even though he had to pay for it with a bittersweet taste that came along with the new grasped freedom.
He was alone, no living fuck anywhere around him and, and this bothered him much more right now, he still had to make a plan on how to act out what had actually made him leave the cell.
He still had to find a way to make it all right, to change his and her future into a brighter one than the one that had awaited them in the dark cell and fuck, he had to do so before anyone could find him outside here. They were probably all swarming out by now, trying to make up where he could go and how to catch him.
All he hoped for at least was that they had found his letter and Gabey was man enough to admit that he had fucked up locking his cell door, putting no blame on his girl and leaving her the fuck alone.
A low groan left Negan’s lips as he swallowed the last piece to the tomato and washed it with the last gulp of water left in his bottle down, trying to shut down his worried thoughts and instead focus on his goal.
Pinching the bridge of his nose he breathed thoroughly out, clenching his jaw as he silenced his mind before a noise sounded through his head that he hadn’t heard in years.
A sickly sounding groan combined with snapping sounds of rotting teeth clashing on one another and low growls that were heralding the slowly approaching threat.
And even after all this time his instincts still reacted as fast as a lightning bolt striking through the air, forcing him to snap around as look into the dead eyes that were fixing on him.
A fucking dead asshole, with rotting skin dangling of its bones, threatening to fall off of it with every slurfing step it took as it rounded the caravan and snapped its jaw at Negan. Quickly, it elicited an annoyed huff to fall from his lips as he raised his body up and grabbed the shovel he took from Alexandria, ready to kill his first walker since seven years.
“It was my fault…I was thinking about Rosita-…I left the cell door open”, Gabriel’s voice sounded through the window in Negan’s cell through to you, eliciting a wave of relieve to wash over your body. For the last bit you’d only heard a bunch of people outside the cell wondering and theorizing about how Negan had escaped, some speaking in your favor while others were ranting about how it had only been a matter of time till you’d help him get out.
You hadn’t bothered to leave the cell and defend yourself once more, still too startled and worried to do much.
A small part of what they said was right, you had lost some thoughts about letting him leave, but not out of spite towards the others, but for his wellbeing, especially during the time he had been nearly suicidal.
You’d always feared he’d fall into this hole again but no matter what you had thought, Negan had kept you from thinking any more about it than the bare minimum.
You could still hear him say he wouldn’t leave, even if you’d rip the door out of its angles, not wanting to risk your place in Alexandria and exchange it for a life on the run just so he could be a free man.
And he was right in the end, you’d always want him to leave the peaceful way, maybe get integrated into the community, no matter how surreal that seemed to the most.
Still, he was gone now.
Because it had been Gabriel to leave the door open, and not you.
A thick huff left your lips as you stared to your hands, hoping to grasp any sane thought even though the voices outside made thinking clearly even harder.
“We have to leave now and get him before Michonne returns. Can’t risk it.”
“Gotta plan it thoroughly. We need to have groups in all directions and with enough people…he’s an asshole but sly as a fox, we need to be sure to get him once we spot him.”
An ice cold shudder ran down your back as you listened to their voices, realizing once more that this was the bitter reality.
Of course they were gonna search for him.
A shivering sigh rumbled through your body as you sprung up, glancing through the windows that were showing you the Alexandrian’s that must have almost forgotten about you in their anger and almost panic.
They were still talking as they were slowly departing from the cell, making up a plan to catch Negan as fast as they could and with that, arguing about the one thing you couldn’t let happen.
No matter what Negan had asked you to do, no matter how much you liked to be able to stay back, trust him, follow his plea for once and hope that everything would just work out, you couldn’t.
You had to find him.
Before they did.
“Home, Sweet Home”, the words rolled from Negan’s lips smoothly as he finally stared at the familiar in front of him, the dark fabric that stood tall and impressive in front of him, like the stronghold it had always been.
His eyes wandered over his old home, the place that might help him to turn shit around for him and his girl now, all while a small grin forming on his lips for the first time in hours.
Till now, this fucking day hadn’t been much of a lucky one.
Killing walkers was as much of a pain in the ass as ever, especially when one of them lands on your supplies and taints them with its mushy and bloody fuckery of a body.
Drinking water out of a small river was a damn dumb idea too, that was noted in the back of his mind now as well, mostly after his body had cranked in disgust until all the shit that had swum in his stomach had left his body the wrong way out, and as a special treat, right at the damn clearing this whole shit had begun.
Fuck, he wasn’t even sure what had urged him there, regret, nostalgia, whatfuckingever, still the odds weren’t much in his favor and rather taunting to force him to throw up especially there.
Next damn thing had been a bunch of wild dogs that had almost torn him apart in a shop for clothes, ending up with him saving his ass in the very last minute.
But hey, at least he had a new fucking leather jacket, and damn that smooth shit felt so much better than that prison suit on his skin.
And now, it almost felt a little like it used too, a leatherjacket slung around his torso, a grin on his lips and a metal pipe resting on his shoulder like his dirty girl had used to.
Maybe this old place could help him with a new start.
Maybe this could be it.
A few food cans were clicking in your backpack, the knife tightly in your hands as you shuffled from the road first into the woods, hoping that the other Alexandrian’s wouldn’t directly see you and keep you from searching for him.
You stayed at its edge though, enough to see the road to keep track on where you were heading while you made your way through the undergrowth, each step determined.
He could be going anywhere judging from his note that seemed to say much by saying nothing concrete at all as well, for obvious reasons, still, your head was working on full speed, trying to figure out where to go, where to search for him.
He wanted to change something, for you two, so maybe he was going back to the root of it all to find a start.
“(Y/N)”, a familiar voice made you flinch, echoing from the road through the trees as it let you immediately flinch up and turned your head towards its source.
“Judith? What are you doing outside?”, you choked out the moment you saw the girl standing on the blacktop, glancing at you while she clutched the heavy colt in her hands.
“Same as you, I guess”, she said, shrugging her shoulders as you sighed and climbed out of the undergrowth of the woods, glancing to your sides to see if she was alone before a thicker huff left your lips.
“Judith, you can’t go out alone, what if-”
“Well now I’m not alone anymore, right?”, she said, nodding towards you and actually eliciting a small chuckle off your lips before you stepped closer to her, torn between what to do now before you already saw her changing the look in her eyes, almost as if she could guess that you’d tell her to let you take her home, to not get her into even more danger than she already was by simply being outside.
“I won’t go back…and I still got something to tell you”, she said, glancing up from beneath her Sheriff’s hat as you let out another sigh.
“I let him go”, she mumbled, widening your eyes only with this small sentence as he pressed her lips sheepishly on one another before raising her voice again.
“I saw him climbing over the wall…he promised me not to hurt anyone, not even if they’d tried to hurt him…so I let him leave”, she said, huffing softly as her fingers fumbled on the metal of her gun, “He said he’ll make everything alright for you both, that’s why he had to go.”
A heavy breath fell from your lips as you listened to her, hearing those words again that fitted to the one on the note that were stuffed into the pockets of your pants.
“Maybe I can help you find him before the others, so you can talk to him”, she said, glancing up at you with that look that told you that she wouldn’t take a ‘no’ nor would she let you walk her home, back to Alexandria that must be about an hour march away by now.
“Okay…but you’ll stay right by my side”, you eventually said reluctantly after a couple moments of pondering and hoping that you’d be earlier back than Michonne before you watched a smile spreading over the girl’s lips.
“Great!”, she exclaimed, a wide smile spreading over her lips as she grabbed her colt tighter, held her hat with the other hand and began to sprint forward over the street, leaving your side within seconds.
“You’re coming?”, she called the next moment, turning around to look smiling but challenging at you before you couldn’t hide a grin as you shook your head and let out a small laugh.
“What did I just say?”
This wasn’t what he had wanted, not even what he had fucking expected the he had stood outside, all enthusiastic and hopeful too see his old home after all this time again. But there he was now, sitting in the great hall of the Sanctuary, or rather of what was left of it.
It looked like nothing ever had happened here, as if this factory had been empty from the moment on the world had gone to shit.
As if no people had ever buzzed through this hall, working and selling their goods.
As if he had never held meetings in the room far up in the Sanctuary’s floors.
As if there never had been life inside these walls.
As if everything he had worked for and built up had never taken place.
He didn’t even know what he had exactly expected when he had arrived here, after seven and a fucking half years. He’d known a couple things, the stuff (Y/N) had heard and told him, but even she hadn’t known everything about this place, nor its downfall.
But here, here was nothing left. No person alive, just dead fuckers and one of his former lieutenants who had also seemed to have kicked the bucket years ago.
But shit, at least he’d stayed till the very end…oppositely to everybody else.
A thick gulp traveled down Negan’s throat as he glanced around from his crouched position on the couch in the middle of the hall at the furniture he had found sprawled out across the place and which was now aligned to a small room, almost as big as his cell back in Alexandria.
He couldn’t deny that part of him had hoped that moving things around and creating a little space with them would elicit a feeling of comfort in him, but there was nothing.
The ring for his girl he had stuffed into his pant’s pocket before escaping his cell was pressing now into his skin, as if it was trying to remind him that it was still present, urging and pushing his mind to rotate over and over again, churning him up from the very inside.
He’d really hoped he’d find something here that could help him change the situation, change their future and make it better, whatever the hell it might be.
But with nothing left here, his hopes seemed to dangle on a thin thread, daring to tear each other second.
Running his hand over his face, along the scruffy salt and pepper beard and over his mouth that had changed from a grin back into a form that looked like the one of a pissed off but especially sad smiley, he glanced around once more, feeling how a thick lump was forming in his throat, growing along with his desperation.
No matter how much he wished for some solution to pop up in his head, for this place to change into something better just like the future he had longed for, he realized with every minute he spent within these walls that there was none.
Not outside here at least.
Here was nothing to built up on, nothing but dead fuckers and ruined buildings.
He hated to admit it, hated even more that this was the painful truth, but there was not only more for him back in Alexandria, but also more for her, for them both.
He had to go back.
“Oh no”, you huffed as you spotted the approaching four walkers between the trees, stumbling through the undergrowth you were making your way through along with Judith.
“I’ll help”, she said as soon as you grabbed your knife, keeping it tightly in your hands before you turned around and glanced right at her.
“Oh no, I know you can do this but there’s enough trouble going on right now. I won’t get you into any more danger”, you said, trying to work against her stubborn little head while the groans of the dead got louder, “Those aren’t that many, I can take care of them, just stay here.”
You saw her nodding for a moment, right before your glance stayed a little longer on her before you turned back around and stepped towards the growling walkers that were already stretching their rotting arms out for you.
With a huff you grasped the wooden handle of the knife tighter, stepping closer towards the first dead one as you kicked its weak legs back, snapping them by the knees into half and forcing it to stumble back into the ground, harmless enough for you to step over it and drive your knife into its skull.
Sighing heavily you marched towards the other three, while you heard an approaching engine in the distance that pushed itself into your head as you made your way closer to the walkers.
It were probably Alexandrians on their way to search for Negan, and while the thought of them finding him brought nausea over you again you forced yourself to concentrate on the threat right in front of you.
You were swinging in a deadly trance as you fought walker after walker, panting as you struggled a little with the last and tallest one until its body finally got limp and fell lifeless to the ground.
Just as you caught your breath again and shook the blood of the knife, ready to turn around to Judith your body flinched up in shock by the sound of a gunshot echoing through the air.
Gasping for air you turned around, already seeing what you had expected, Judith was gone, and so was her colt, the gun that had to be responsible for the shot.
“Fuck!”, you cursed loudly, filled with desperation and worry as you glanced around, trying to retrieve the source of the shot before you saw her standing on the blacktop of the road, a good bit away from your position in the woods, her body crouched, as if she was talking to someone or something on the ground.
“Goddamn it”, you cursed under your fastening breath, already imagining the worst as you rushed through the undergrowth, trying to stay upright and not to trip over every root and bush in your way.
You were only a few dozen meter away from reaching the blacktop as you finally saw a figure appearing beside her, tall and broad, right before this figure became a person whose appearance took your breath away once more.
“Negan”, you breathed out, still not fully believing your eyes as your footsteps fastened, almost entangling with the undergrowth as you rushed through it until you reached the wood’s edge with a harshly beating heart and relief that began to wash all over you.
You mumbled his name again the moment your eyes finally caught his, softening them as you watched a smile growing on his lips, pushing his dimples forward beneath the salt and pepper stubble.
“You’re okay”, you mumbled with another relieved sigh, rushing towards him, lost in your emotions until you could finally feel his arms wrapping around your body and pulling you close against his.
“Yeah..’cept for that this little lady shot me off the damn motorcycle”, you heard him mumble into your hair with a low chuckle, right before the adrenaline in your veins sunk a little and you began to combine what had just happened and look around you.
Not only Negan was here, clad into a new leather jacket instead of the prison suit, there was also a motorcycle almost laying beside the road, its frontwheel still spinning slightly from the sudden impact it had gone through by Negan’s fall after Judith’s shot.
“Jud-”, you called out, spinning in his arms around to her before he pulled you closer and made you look at him, calming you a little with his touch that felt soothing after the distress and nerve-racking emotions the day had put you through till now.
“She told me she’d shoot if she’d see me again here so…”, he mumbled with a chuckle, shrugging his shoulders slightly before you heard the voice of the girl sounding through the air again.
“I’ll give you a second…”
“But don’t go too far, okay? Can’t have you slipping away again…I just don’t want you hurt, Judith”, you said, giving her a caring but warning look in response to what had happened just minutes ago before she nodded, this time more genuinely, before grabbing her colt and walking a bit until plunging down onto the edge of the blacktop.
Breathing throughly through you forced your glance from Judith and instead closed your eyes as you hugged Negan back again, nuzzling your nose into his neck while you could feel more and more burden falling off your shoulders until his voice rumbled through to you.
“You’re not mad at my ass?”
“No…you just scared the shit out of me, you got no idea how many of them are out here searching for you”, you muttered back, sighing quietly as you huddled up to him ,”I’m just so glad you’re fine.”
For another moment he stayed quiet, just cradling you and allowing you to calm down until your mind was less of a mess again before he shifted uncomfortably.
“Sweetheart?”, he mumbled, pushing you with the tension in his voice to make you dive out of his neck’s curve and look into his eyes ,“I’m going back”
“What?”, it directly jumped out of your lips, eliciting confusion once more as you stared blankly at him.
In your euphoria you hadn’t even wasted a thought to what was coming next, if he was staying outside, what he had wanted to do for the both of you or if he had a new plan, but even though you could have imagined many answers, going back wasn’t one of the first ones you thought of.
“Cell and all…I’m going back to Alexandria”, he added, clearly and determined, leaving no space for doubt even though confusion was still keeping all of your facial expression hostage.
“I uhm…I thought I could change something”, he mumbled, sighing as he stared for a moment into the woods before his glance met yours again,”For us…get us that damn future we’ve been thinking’ ‘bout.”
A weak, even sad smile was growing on his lips, catapulting your thoughts to your talks about the wishes the cell wouldn’t let you fulfill.
”Now I know I…I know I can’t”, he mumbled, gulping thickly as his voice was filled with pain and defeat while a heavy breath rumbled through his his chest.
“Sanctuary’s gone…all of it…and-…fuck, there’s no damn other way out here for me to prove to them that I ain’t belong into that cell”, he said, trying to keep himself talking while you just looked at him, allowing him to get everything off his chest that needed to leave.
“And I won’t bring you out here into this shit world for sure. Not you…not anything that could ever be on the way”, he mumbled with another sad smile, caressing the side of your stomach before he sighed once more and clenched his jaw uneasily, “There’s no future out here…I gotta accept that.”
“In Alexandria, hell I know you’re safe, I know you got a doc when you need one, got shit to fill your stomach”, he chuckled softly as he rose his voice again, trying to lift both of your moods as a small grin slipped into the sad smile,”And I got some gossip at my little window, and that’s better than those fuckin’ dead asshats tryin’ to turn my ass into a snack.”
“Are you sure?”, was the first thing to slip out of your lips as you were glancing concerned at him, “I don’t want you to feel like you gotta go back just for me…I don’t want that.”
“It’s all fine, Sweetheart. Trust me, it’s fine”, he said the moment your voice hushed, leaving you no space to argue his decision. For another moment, you looked at him, watching his reaction, the glance that was filled with genuineness and muscles that were relaxed, as if he was at peace with his choice.
“And who knows…maybe I get the chance to prove other shit”, he mumbled, tipping in to plant a small kiss on your lips before backing away and capturing your eyes once more, “I’m not givin’ up on our future, just gotta find a different way.”
Softly, you nodded, still trying to sort the mess in your head that slowly got less entangled by the relief that washed more and more through your veins.
“And at least I got a new leather jacket, knew you were always a sucker for that”, he added with another low chuckle, eliciting to let a soft laugh fall from your lips as well before another voice made you turn around.
“Are you ready? Can we go home?”, Judith asked, glancing at you out of a little distance before you gave her a smiling nod and stepped finally out of Negan’s embrace.
“Yeah, we can go home”, you said, seeing a small smile growing on her lips as well before she turned around and marched forward, the sheriff hat on her head swinging a little from side to side as it was still way too large before your eyes detached from her and found Negan again.
“Everything will work out just fuckin’ fine”, he mumbled, taking his first steps to follow Judith and grasping your hand in the process, engulfing it in his large palm and squeezing it softly, letting you hope that he was right, letting you hope that there was no aftermath to his escape, letting you hope for your future.
(The gif isn’t mine/ it was originally posted by dancing-at-the-funeralparty)
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