Category: twd preferences

thewalkingdead-imagines:

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“Ten fucking minutes left!”, Negan called out as he dashed through the bedroom, his eyes gleaming excitedly up as he grabbed your wrist and pulled you up from the black leather couch.
“Follow me Baby, ‘cause I got a surprise!”, he chuckled as he bit his lip with a grin and dragged you away.
“Hell, Negan, where are we going?”, you asked as he quickly grabbed Lucille, swung her on his shoulder and opened the heavy wooden door of the apartment hastily.
“As I said, it’s a damn surprise so don’t make me fucking ruin it for you”, he chuckled as the door fell shut behind you and he pulled you with him through the hallways of the Sanctuary until you got to the stairs that let up to the roof.
His large hand wandered from your wrist to your hand as he let his fingers entangle with yours while he stumped the stairs just as excitedly as before up.

Just seconds later you found yourself standing in front of a bunch of massive fire crackers, ready to be fired and shot into the night sky, next to them a small provisional clock that was counting down, a gas lamp and eventually an amused Negan who was grinning widely at you.
“Simon found this shit on a damn run and boom! Here we are”, he chuckled as he leaned slightly back, his glance filled with the joy of a kid who had just gotten a new toy to play with.
“And no worries. My men got that shit with the dead fucks covered”, he said as he walked towards you.
“Come here”, he mumbled before he pulled you into his arms as they wrapped tightly around you and pulled you close.
“Last minute’s going. Get ready”, he said as he looked at the clock before he glanced with a smirk back to you.
Your arms wrapped around his torso as you cuddled closer into his warm chest that was being the best heater in this cold December night and leaned your head against his neck before you heard his voice counting down.
“Ten – Nine – Eight – Seven – Six – Five – Four – Three – Two- One -”
And with that you felt his warm lips on yours as he pulled you into a deep and smoldering kiss that managed to get your knees weak, while small hums and growls rubbled through his chest.
“Happy New fucking Year, Baby”, he muttered against your lips, your eyes still closed before you slowly opened them and looked into his happy face.
“Happy New Year”, you mumbled as you pecked his lips and felt him leaning his forehead against yours for a moment while a deep content hum left his lips.

“Alright, first one”, Negan called out moments later as he had let go of you and his lips had curled back into the wide grin while he was stumping towards the first smaller tube like fire cracker that was securely placed on the ground.
“You ready?”, he asked as he looked with a smirk back to you.
“Of course”, you chuckled before he leaned down, enlightened the fuse and quickly jogged back to you just as a tall spray alike flame in form of thousands of small glittery sparks bursted out of the tube.
“Ho-ly shit! Now look at that damn fucker! Small as hell but cums like a big one!”, Negan called out as he pulled you closer to him, happy laughs erupting his and also your body while you watched the flame bursting higher until it slowly burned out.
A small cold shudder ran over your back as Negan’s warmth left your side to grab the lighter from the ground for the next firecracker.
“Ah shit, wait”, you heard him say as soon as his glance had caught the tremble that shook through your body.
Quickly, his leather jacket slid from his body before he grabbed it and walked closer.
“Leave it on. Negan, you’re gonna freeze”, you said as you nodded to the plain white shirt he was just wearing underneath while he shrugged his shoulders.
“Well shit, then my ass gotta have to freeze”, he said with a small chuckle before you gave in and slid your arms through the warm leather sleeves.
“Hell, now you’d just need to wear no fucking thing underneath”, Negan mumbled with a wide smirk and a throaty chuckle as his eyes roamed over you.
Letting out a laugh as you slightly shoved his chest you nodded back to the fire crackers.
“Maybe later but now it’s my turn”, you chuckled as you took the lighter out of Negan’s hand and walked towards a bunch connected rockets.
Quickly, you enlightened the fuse before you stepped back again and rushed to Negan’s side while the first firecracker painted the night sky in a bright red. 
Just as Negan’s arms wrapped back around you, the next rocket let the sparks switch from red to light blue while you leaned against him and stared up into the sky that painted into more and more beautiful colors with every moment.
“That was a great surprise”, you mumbled as you leaned slightly up to peck his lips.
His warm lips placed on yours again while you heard another rocket shooting up before you felt his lips forming into a wide smirk against yours.
“Well, Baby got some good news for you, ‘cause there’s another rock hard surprise just waiting for you in my damn pants.”

tagging:
@lovesjdm @jeffreydeanneganstrash @negans-network @sweetwittlebosco@myrabbitholetoneverland @amysuemc @ashzombie13 @collette04 @trashimaginezblog @dragongirl420 @bananakid42@dasani-saraai@timeladyrikaofgallifrey @dinodiegos @missmotherhen @kinkygamertrash @beahippie23 @xabeautifultragedyx @negansmagic@starwarsandstufff @bdohe21 @lovesjdm @vanilla-negan @to-pick-ourselves-up-7 @roselover159 @mamarhee @mini-me-ow @bellawindixon@dlb1999 @the-writingdead@thelittlewolf45 @collette04 @adixon13 @nijiru@twentyonewalkers @originalwinchestervamp @readytourie @jtklover123
(In case you want to be tagged or untagged for specific things or everything I write, just let me know)

thewalkingdead-imagines:

Christmas Special

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• Him looking the first time forward to Christmas again since the apocalypse started, simply because he knows he’s going to spend this time with you

• Him using every single opportunity to get you under a mistletoe to tease you about how disrespectful it would be if you would ignore that tradition so he can steal a longing kiss from you

• For Christmas eve, him planning far ahead everything in detail, so he can spend this night only with you while being sure that no one’s gonna disturb you once you’re alone

• Him sending his men out to get a Christmas tree, decoration and literally anything else that is somehow Christmas related

• For your gift, him searching through the whole Sanctuary before going on a run himself to search for something special and something he truly knows about that you’re gonna love it

• You being able to persuade him to take less from other communities at least at Christmas time

• Him joking how good Lucille would look with Christmas lights wrapped around her before you actually get him a string of lights as a joke only to have a widely smiling and truly amused Negan walking with an in Christmas light wrapped Lucille around in your room

• During the whole holiday season, him teasing you with Christmas related remarks, while asking you if you’ve been naughty or nice or if you wanna taste his candy cane are just a few examples

• Before giving you your gift, him first messing around, telling you he’s got his dick wrapped up with a ribbon for you as a present before giving you his actual gift while whispering in your ear that you can still, of course, have his dick as an extra present

• Him being entirely happy as he sees how your eyes light up once you have unpacked your gift and eventually hug him tightly, only for him to pull you even closer as a wide smile is planted all over his face

• Him acting around as nervous as a child when it comes to his gift, all while trying to guess what it is until he can finally unpack it

• Spending the whole rest of the night cuddled up, wrapped in a thick, warm blanket, drinking hot chocolate or his favorite scotch while just enjoying that you are able to spend this time, especially in the world you’re living in, with the person you love

• As you both already begin to drift off into a deep sleep him pulling you even closer and whispering with a smirk in your ear that he’s so gonna give his extra gift to you on Christmas morning


tagging:
@lovesjdm @jeffreydeanneganstrash @negans-network @sweetwittlebosco@myrabbitholetoneverland @amysuemc @ashzombie13 @collette04 @trashimaginezblog @dragongirl420 @bananakid42@dasani-saraai @timeladyrikaofgallifrey @dinodiegos @missmotherhen @kinkygamertrash @beahippie23 @xabeautifultragedyx @negansmagic @starwarsandstufff @bdohe21 @lovesjdm @vanilla-negan @to-pick-ourselves-up-7 @roselover159 @mamarhee @mini-me-ow @bellawindixon @dlb1999 @the-writingdead @thelittlewolf45 @collette04 @adixon13 @nijiru @twentyonewalkers @originalwinchestervamp @readytourie
(In case you want to be tagged or untagged for specific things or everything I write, just let me know)

thewalkingdead-imagines:

Prompt 41:“I’m pregnant”
Christmas Special!

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The Christmas lights of the tree were letting a soft light stream through the room as you were placing your present for Negan beneath the thick branches.
Your glance fell for a short moment onto the gift box that was filled with a bottle of his favorite Scotch and the pair of leather gloves you had found on a run for him, since his old ones were already torn up and the damaged seams on their sides seemed pretty much irreparable.
And judging from the softness of the black leather that should perfectly fit his hands, they had probably costed a big bunch of money before all of this.
But the gloves weren’t the only thing you had for him.
The thing that was way more important was the small sonogram picture that showed everything Negan and you had wished for.

You both had tried for a good while, had already held a bunch of negative pregnancy tests in your hands so till you took the latest one, you had waited.
You had just wanted to be sure, keep yourself and Negan from experiencing another disappointment and keep yourself from having to see the sad look in his eyes when he stared at the single line on the test.
So when you had taken the last one, you hadn’t just been pretty late, something had already felt different as well.
You hadn’t known what it exactly was but in the end this feeling had been right.
You were pregnant.

So now you were holding the small black and white picture in your hand, ready to place it in the small gift box.
The original reason why you had let Carson perform the ultrasound scan on you had simply been that you wanted to be completely sure before telling Negan but now, with Christmas right around the corner this scan had given you another great opportunity.
A warm feeling spread through your body as your hand rested on your belly and your glance wandered over the sonogram picture.
Even though all that could be discerned on the picture so far was a small, light, elongated spot in-between the dark circle, your heart began to pump like crazy while a giant smile painted on your lips every single time your glance brushed over the picture’s surface.
That was your baby.

Lowering the lid of the box, you slowly saw the picture vanishing beneath it before your fingers began to lace a bowtie around the small edges just as the thud of the heavy wooden door let you flinch up.
“Oh shit, did I just catch someone fucking red-handed?”, Negan asked with a throaty chuckle as you turned around to him, hiding the box behind your back.
“I did”, Negan stated with another laugh as he saw the way you stared at him.
Widely grinning he walked closer, before he leaned to the side to catch the small box behind your back
“Now what do we have there?”, Negan asked as he raised his brows curiously.
“It’s-uh-just a little extra”, you mumbled as Negan stepped closer until not more than an inch fit between the both of you.
“Well, when It’s just a little extra I’m damn sure you could give me a hint what the hell you got in there”, he mumbled with a big grin while his tongue slid slowly over his lower lip.
“No”, you said, a small grin planting on your lips as well as you tried to relax.
“Let me at least guess”, he said as he bit his lips and placed one of his large hands on your waist.
“Uh-uh”, you muttered, shaking your head with another small grin while Negan groaned theatrically.
“Come on”, he pleading urged with a laugh as you shook your head again.
A sigh left Negan’s lips before the grin on them grew wider as he leaned in.
Before you could do anything else his hands kept a firm grab on your waist as his lips began to tease over the sensitive flesh of your neck.
“No, that’s not fair”, you groaned with a laugh in protest, as Negan’s lips placed more kisses over your neck while one of your hands placed on his chest, trying to push him softly away.
“Oh I know”, he mumbled against your skin as he pulled you closer, before a small huff left your lips.
“Alright, then go on. Three tries, not more”, you muttered, knowing too well that he wouldn’t ever guess what you were hiding.
Negan backed away from you as he eyed the small size of the box and bit his lip once again.
“Alright, first one…you got some hot-ass panties in there which you are gonna put on for me tonight”, he guessed as one of his hands pointed teasingly up to you while the smirk on his lips grew wider.
“No”, you said, watching the smirk on his face fade.
“Some-”, he began before a knock on the door distracted him.
“Simon, I said no fucking interruptions anymore”, Negan scoffed as you saw the door opening.
“The men got the shit to the kitchen you wanted to have, just wanted to let you know”, Simon said with a huff as he leaned against the door before he scratched the back of his head.
“Well, everything except for the bread”, he said as he grimaced while you already heard Negan letting out a deep scoff.
“Can’t those fuckers get some shit right for fucking once?”, Negan rhetorically asked with a huff before he let the palm of his hand run over his stubble and looked back to Simon.
“Either way, I’ll handle that…go on ahead”, Negan said scoffing and with a quick finger movement that let Simon close the door again.
“Alright gotta get shit done but after that, no single fucker’s gonna disturb us anymore”, Negan said with a grin before he leaned in to peck your lips.
“Only good thing is that this crap’s gonna keep me from thinking about that fucking extra gift…you sure that there are no cute-ass panties inside?”, he teased mumbling against your lips before you shoved his chest with a laugh.
“Very sure”, you said with another chuckle before you felt his warm lips placing on yours again and the urge to finally tell him that you were about to be parents just grew with every single second, even after Negan let go of you and made his way to prepare your dinner.

“Fuck, this is good”, Negan groaned delightfully as he shoved another spoon of the chocolate mousse you both had for dessert in his mouth.
The basket with the bread that had been completely filled was already looking blanker and your both plates that had been filled with a bunch of delicious foods were empty by now and while all that had changed over the evening, the one thing had stayed the same.
The small box laid still at the same spot on your lap and just waited for the right moment.
Your fingers were nervously running over the box’s edges as you watched how Negan set the now empty small bowl down and wiped the chocolate mousse with his finger quickly from his beard stubble.
You gulped, knowing that you couldn’t wait much longer anymore before you gave yourself a push, grabbed the box and laid it on the table.
Negan’s brows raised curiously but before he could say a thing you opened your mouth.
“So…uhm…‘cause it’s my extra gift I thought I could already give it to you”, you said with a small smile as you slowly shoved the small box over to him,
“So I finally get to see what the hell you hid in there? Now that’s a damn fucking honor”, he chuckled as he dramatically placed a hand on his chest.
“That shit’s been tickling my balls the whole damn day”, he added with another chuckle as he grabbed the small box.
You gulped nervously but with a smile across your face as you watched him unknotting the red bowtie.
A big amused smirk was still laying on his lips while your heart pumped heavily and your breath stopped for short moment as he lifted the lid and revealed the sonogram picture.
His brows puckered for a moment and the smirk changed before his mouth dropped slightly open as he slowly seemed to get what this picture meant.
I’m pregnant”, you spelled it out to give his mind the last push before he  turned even more big-eyed as he looked up to you.
“You’re gonna be a Dad”, you mumbled with a big smile as the happiness over-toned the astonishment on Negan’s face.
“Holy-”, he began but stopped, still somehow not believing what was happening right there as he stood up, still taken aback before he stumbled over to you.
You had just lifted yourself from your seat as you felt Negan’s strong arms wrapping tightly around you, pulling you as close as they could against his chest, before you felt one of his hands burying into your hair, keeping your head deeply in the curve of his neck.
His chest was rising and falling at a fast pace, just as his breath that repeatedly hit your skin while you could swear to be able to feel the intense way his heart was pounding against his chest.

For moments you stayed just like that before Negan’s arms slightly loosened as he backed away, some tears of joy watering his eyes as his lips seemed to form into a wider smile with every second.
“We’re…fuck, we’re gonna have a baby”, he mumbled happily but still astonished as you nodded with a wide smile.
Leaning back in, one of his hands cupped the back of your neck and pulled you into a deep, longing kiss while his other slowly and carefully began to place on your belly.
First you felt just his fingers, then his warm palm before his thumb began to slowly stroke in small circles over your stomach.
Slowly, more and more warmth streamed through your body before his lips let go of yours and his still with joy filled glance wandered from your face to the place where his hand rested.
Your palms were still resting on his chest as he dropped on your chair, your hands wandering to his shoulders and neck as his hands placed on your hips.
Carefully, he reached out to pull your top a bit up, his glance still focused on your belly as he pulled you closer, wrapped his arms around your hips and leaned his head against your stomach.
His beard stubble tickled your skin as he let out a content sigh, the big smile that was just as bright as yours was still planted all over his face as he turned his head to place a kiss on your belly.
“Hey kiddo, here’s Daddy”, Negan murmured against your skin with a small, happy chuckle while your hand ran slowly through his dark hair and caressed his neck.
His nose nestled back against your skin with a content hum, the smile that was formed on his lips began to be clearly palpable against your belly while his warm breath hit your skin repeatedly. 

So if you wanted to say it with Negan’s words, the ones he seemed to have mostly lost to the joy that was filling him up right now, you both were right in these moments the most happiest fuckers this motherfucking asshole of a world had to offer.


tagging:
@lovesjdm @jeffreydeanneganstrash @negans-network @sweetwittlebosco@myrabbitholetoneverland @amysuemc @ashzombie13 @collette04 @trashimaginezblog @dragongirl420 @bananakid42@dasani-saraai @timeladyrikaofgallifrey @dinodiegos @missmotherhen @kinkygamertrash @beahippie23 @xabeautifultragedyx @negansmagic @starwarsandstufff @bdohe21 @lovesjdm @vanilla-negan @to-pick-ourselves-up-7 @roselover159 @mamarhee @mini-me-ow @bellawindixon @dlb1999 @the-writingdead @thelittlewolf45 @collette04 @adixon13 @nijiru @twentyonewalkers @originalwinchestervamp @readytourie
(In case you want to be tagged or untagged for specific things or everything I write, just let me know)

thewalkingdead-imagines:

Summary: When Negan escapes from his cell to find a way to a better future with the reader, he provokes a storm in Alexandria that gets the one person in trouble he wants to protect the most.

the last part / all other previous parts (None of the previous parts have to be read to understand the plot!)

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Sleep was still lulling you into its depths as a low voice began to stream through to you, slowly tickling the consciousness awake.
Softly groaning your tired mind tried to sort the voice into a category as it sounded through your head once more, pushing you enough to the edge of wakefulness to let your eyes flutter slowly open.
Your view was blurry at first, only taking in the brown hair and hazy features of the man in front of you before it got clearer with each passing second.
“Miles?”, you groaned drowsily, wrinkling your brows in confusion before your head bounced into reality and made you remember where you were.
In a bed of the infirmary, not by Negan’s side in the cell.
Working all day and night before laying down to take a nap while all the patients were sleeping –
Shit.
“Oh crap, the patients”, you called out, standing almost straight in your bed as you were suddenly wide awake, cursing yourself for oversleeping.
You had laid down when it had been completely dark outside, now the morning sun was shining brightly through the windows, urging you to realize that your exhaustion had urged your body to take more sleep than you had planned.
“Its fine, they’re all still sleeping, and if they wake up, Karen’s already ready to take care of them. We’re taking over now, came back earlier from the run than we thought”, your co worker said, giving you a small smile as your muscles began to tense a little less and the adrenaline that had rushed through your veins decreased, “I just decided to wake you up so you know we’re back.”
“Okay, thank you…sorry though, just couldn’t keep my eyes open anymore and they were all asleep”, you mumbled, adjusting your clothes as you heft yourself up from the bed and have him an apologizing smile.
“Don’t worry, can’t blame it on you, keeping that thing here going all alone is one hell of a job, no wonder you needed a break”, he chuckled before he nodded towards the half open door, “You mind getting Karen and me up to speed? Then you’re all free for now.”

“And Will’s wound is doing better, still needs the salve Siddiq mixed for him though.. but that must be it”, you said as you found yourself standing ten minutes later in the kitchen of the infirmary while both of them listened to you as you finished going through the list of patients that laid in the beds of the infirmary.
“Great, then we see you back tomorrow, right?”, Karen asked with a smile, already grabbing some bandages while you gave her a small nod.
“Yeah, see ya”, you said back, grabbing your jacket while the anticipation begun to grow in your body, only rising as you finally stepped out onto the porch that was enlightened by the morning sun.
A soft breeze was brushing over your skin, bringing a little peace into your still tried body while a smile began to grow on your lips as you realized that only a few minutes parted you from huddling up to Negan.
You couldn’t wait to feel his arms wrapping around you, feel him tucking you in along with him beneath the blanket and nuzzle your nose into the warmth of his neck just so you could doze back off and get something of the sleep back you lost while treating the patients all night. Your thoughts only let the smile grow wider as you hopped down the stairs of the porch and made your way down the street, enjoying the warmth of the rising sun that danced over your skin.
A content sigh left your lips as you made your way further down the street, your eyes fixing on the path you were making every single day for the last seven years before a figure made its way into your field of vision that threw your good mood slowly off.
His face was twisted in anger, the eyebrows pulled into a tight curve, his eyes squinting even though it couldn’t cover the furiousness burning within them while his hands clutched a piece of paper while he stumped towards you.
For a moment, you questioned that Kent was walking towards you, wondering if it had to do anything with the bad news about Rosita and Eugene you had gotten yesterday but with each step he came closer, you excluded it more and more.
He was having you as his target, for whatever reason.
“You wanna tell me anything about this?!”, he growled, as only a couple feet parted you, the hand with the paper sheet rising up, almost holding it into your face as you glanced full of confusion at him.
“What is this?”, you only choked out watching as more fury spread over his features with each of your words.
“Are you fucking kidding me?”, he growled, his jaw clenching threateningly as he pushed the sheet finally into your hands.
“Laid on his bed in his cell, you wanna explain this?”
With now shaking hands you began to unfold the paper, still utterly confused and with the worst scenarios sneaking into your head before your eyes eventually scanned over the familiar handwriting that shook you to the core.

I’m coming back, Sweetheart. Gabriel let the door open and I had to take the damn chance. I’ll be fine, so don’t you worry your pretty head off. Don’t risk shit and come after me, just trust me. I’ll make it right for us.
Love you more than fucking anything.
– Negan

“He’s gone”, Kent spellt it out for you as an icy shudder ran down your back while your eyes went over and over along the lines, still feeling as if you were caught in a surreal dream instead of reality.
“You set this up with him? Pushing the fault on Gabriel? You-”, Kent growled out but instead of reacting to his accusations your mind ran past it, your head only twirling around Negan as you cut him off.
“He can’t be gone-…I-”, you stumbled, your fingers clamping on the edge of the sheet, your eyes still tracing over it over and over again while your throat was beginning to tighten as your body filled with worry and more confusion. Before you could even notice anything else you felt yourself moving past him, urged to see it for yourself, urged to go to the place you last saw Negan.
“Where the hell are you going?”, you heard the man snap, keeping up with you as you rushed down the still empty streets of Alexandria.
“I…I have to see this for myself.”

Keep reading

Summary: When Negan escapes from his cell to find a way to a better future with the reader, he provokes a storm in Alexandria that gets the one person in trouble he wants to protect the most.

the last part / all other previous parts (None of the previous parts have to be read to understand the plot!)

image

Sleep was still lulling you into its depths as a low voice began to stream through to you, slowly tickling the consciousness awake.
Softly groaning your tired mind tried to sort the voice into a category as it sounded through your head once more, pushing you enough to the edge of wakefulness to let your eyes flutter slowly open.
Your view was blurry at first, only taking in the brown hair and hazy features of the man in front of you before it got clearer with each passing second.
“Miles?”, you groaned drowsily, wrinkling your brows in confusion before your head bounced into reality and made you remember where you were.
In a bed of the infirmary, not by Negan’s side in the cell.
Working all day and night before laying down to take a nap while all the patients were sleeping –
Shit.
“Oh crap, the patients”, you called out, standing almost straight in your bed as you were suddenly wide awake, cursing yourself for oversleeping.
You had laid down when it had been completely dark outside, now the morning sun was shining brightly through the windows, urging you to realize that your exhaustion had urged your body to take more sleep than you had planned.
“Its fine, they’re all still sleeping, and if they wake up, Karen’s already ready to take care of them. We’re taking over now, came back earlier from the run than we thought”, your co worker said, giving you a small smile as your muscles began to tense a little less and the adrenaline that had rushed through your veins decreased, “I just decided to wake you up so you know we’re back.”
“Okay, thank you…sorry though, just couldn’t keep my eyes open anymore and they were all asleep”, you mumbled, adjusting your clothes as you heft yourself up from the bed and have him an apologizing smile.
“Don’t worry, can’t blame it on you, keeping that thing here going all alone is one hell of a job, no wonder you needed a break”, he chuckled before he nodded towards the half open door, “You mind getting Karen and me up to speed? Then you’re all free for now.”

“And Will’s wound is doing better, still needs the salve Siddiq mixed for him though.. but that must be it”, you said as you found yourself standing ten minutes later in the kitchen of the infirmary while both of them listened to you as you finished going through the list of patients that laid in the beds of the infirmary.
“Great, then we see you back tomorrow, right?”, Karen asked with a smile, already grabbing some bandages while you gave her a small nod.
“Yeah, see ya”, you said back, grabbing your jacket while the anticipation begun to grow in your body, only rising as you finally stepped out onto the porch that was enlightened by the morning sun.
A soft breeze was brushing over your skin, bringing a little peace into your still tried body while a smile began to grow on your lips as you realized that only a few minutes parted you from huddling up to Negan.
You couldn’t wait to feel his arms wrapping around you, feel him tucking you in along with him beneath the blanket and nuzzle your nose into the warmth of his neck just so you could doze back off and get something of the sleep back you lost while treating the patients all night. Your thoughts only let the smile grow wider as you hopped down the stairs of the porch and made your way down the street, enjoying the warmth of the rising sun that danced over your skin.
A content sigh left your lips as you made your way further down the street, your eyes fixing on the path you were making every single day for the last seven years before a figure made its way into your field of vision that threw your good mood slowly off.
His face was twisted in anger, the eyebrows pulled into a tight curve, his eyes squinting even though it couldn’t cover the furiousness burning within them while his hands clutched a piece of paper while he stumped towards you.
For a moment, you questioned that Kent was walking towards you, wondering if it had to do anything with the bad news about Rosita and Eugene you had gotten yesterday but with each step he came closer, you excluded it more and more.
He was having you as his target, for whatever reason.
“You wanna tell me anything about this?!”, he growled, as only a couple feet parted you, the hand with the paper sheet rising up, almost holding it into your face as you glanced full of confusion at him.
“What is this?”, you only choked out watching as more fury spread over his features with each of your words.
“Are you fucking kidding me?”, he growled, his jaw clenching threateningly as he pushed the sheet finally into your hands.
“Laid on his bed in his cell, you wanna explain this?”
With now shaking hands you began to unfold the paper, still utterly confused and with the worst scenarios sneaking into your head before your eyes eventually scanned over the familiar handwriting that shook you to the core.

I’m coming back, Sweetheart. Gabriel let the door open and I had to take the damn chance. I’ll be fine, so don’t you worry your pretty head off. Don’t risk shit and come after me, just trust me. I’ll make it right for us.
Love you more than fucking anything.
– Negan

“He’s gone”, Kent spellt it out for you as an icy shudder ran down your back while your eyes went over and over along the lines, still feeling as if you were caught in a surreal dream instead of reality.
“You set this up with him? Pushing the fault on Gabriel? You-”, Kent growled out but instead of reacting to his accusations your mind ran past it, your head only twirling around Negan as you cut him off.
“He can’t be gone-…I-”, you stumbled, your fingers clamping on the edge of the sheet, your eyes still tracing over it over and over again while your throat was beginning to tighten as your body filled with worry and more confusion. Before you could even notice anything else you felt yourself moving past him, urged to see it for yourself, urged to go to the place you last saw Negan.
“Where the hell are you going?”, you heard the man snap, keeping up with you as you rushed down the still empty streets of Alexandria.
“I…I have to see this for myself.”

Your breath was shivering and harsh as you stumbled down the stairs, almost falling as you felt your legs becoming weaker with each step while your trembling hands still clutched the handwritten note.
Part of you still tried to convince yourself hat you were still laying in the bed at the infirmary your mind was only churning up an odd dream fueled by your body’s exhaustion but as soon as you stepped into the cellar even this part vanished into thin air.
The cell was empty.
For a moment you froze to the spot before you stumbled slowly into the cell, glancing around the room, at the bed where Kent had found the note you were holding in your hands as if your life depended on it.
“You’re gonna stop playing that game now?”, you heard Kent’s voice suddenly behind you, snapping you out of the trance the shock had kept you in while you first realized what he was accusing you off.
“I am not playing any game”, you choked out as you turned around, glancing into his furious eyes that contributed to the mess of emotions that was beginning to whirl faster through you,”How the hell should I’ve helped him?”
You could feel yourself torn up between the worry of what would happen now and the rising anger of Kent’s accusation, only fueled by a provoking rising of his eyebrows as if you were pulling an act on him.
“I haven’t seen him since yesterday midday, I was at the infirmary the whole time, ask the patients or Miles and Karen…”, you said, just as shaky as peeved, too shaken by what was happening around you to react to the mess he was trying to throw at you.
“Sure thing, (Y/N)”, he snapped sarcastically, shaking his head as he stared with you before he let out a thick huff and stormed up the stairs, following the voices that were beginning to grow louder outside the jail.
A shaky breath fell from your lips as you found yourself alone in the middle of the cell, still confused and as if you were stuck in a surreal dream.
You found yourself sitting down on his bed, staring at the note in your hands while reality began to sneak up on you and began to filter your emotions out of the mess that was whirling through you.
You weren’t mad at Negan, not at all. You’d always wanted him out of this cell, but with these circumstances right now, you were more worried than anything.
He was one strong and big man, but also one that hadn’t been outside for seven years and hadn’t even killed nor seen a walker since then. 
He was lacking practice and even though you trusted in his skills and determination, even the fittest fighters were able to get lost and hurt out there.
And that was the last damn thing you wanted.

For the first time in all these years, Negan could actually feel the sun shining down on him. Not just some light beaming through the windows of his cell, no, actual sunshine that seemed to surrounded all of him as he sat at the door of an empty caravan, chewing on some of the tomatoes he’d taken with him out of Alexandria. It wasn’t too much, but it was fine for the start.
Being outside was great, so damn great that it still felt little surreal even though he had to pay for it with a bittersweet taste that came along with the new grasped freedom.
He was alone, no living fuck anywhere around him and, and this bothered him much more right now, he still had to make a plan on how to act out what had actually made him leave the cell.
He still had to find a way to make it all right, to change his and her future into a brighter one than the one that had awaited them in the dark cell and fuck, he had to do so before anyone could find him outside here. They were probably all swarming out by now, trying to make up where he could go and how to catch him
All he hoped for at least was that they had found his letter and Gabey was man enough to admit that he had fucked up locking his cell door, putting no blame on his girl and leaving her the fuck alone.
A low groan left Negan’s lips as he swallowed the last piece to the tomato and washed it with the last gulp of water left in his bottle down, trying to shut down his worried thoughts and instead focus on his goal.
Pinching the bridge of his nose he breathed thoroughly out, clenching his jaw as he silenced his mind before a noise sounded through his head that he hadn’t heard in years.
A sickly sounding groan combined with snapping sounds of rotting teeth clashing on one another and low growls that were heralding the slowly approaching threat.
And even after all this time his instincts still reacted as fast as a lightning bolt striking through the air, forcing him to snap around as look into the dead eyes that were fixing on him.
A fucking dead asshole, with rotting skin dangling of its bones, threatening to fall off of it with every slurfing step it took as it rounded the caravan and snapped its jaw at Negan. Quickly, it elicited an annoyed huff to fall from his lips as he raised his body up and grabbed the shovel he took from Alexandria, ready to kill his first walker since seven years.

“It was my fault…I was thinking about Rosita-…I left the cell door open”, Gabriel’s voice sounded through the window in Negan’s cell through to you, eliciting a wave of relieve to wash over your body. For the last bit you’d only heard a bunch of people outside the cell wondering and theorizing about how Negan had escaped, some speaking in your favor while others were ranting about how it had only been a matter of time till you’d help him get out.
You hadn’t bothered to leave the cell and defend yourself once more, still too startled and worried to do much. 
A small part of what they said was right, you had lost some thoughts about letting him leave, but not out of spite towards the others, but for his wellbeing, especially during the time he had been nearly suicidal.
You’d always feared he’d fall into this hole again but no matter what you had thought, Negan had kept you from thinking any more about it than the bare minimum.
You could still hear him say he wouldn’t leave, even if you’d rip the door out of its angles, not wanting to risk your place in Alexandria and exchange it for a life on the run just so he could be a free man.
And he was right in the end, you’d always want him to leave the peaceful way, maybe get integrated into the community, no matter how surreal that seemed to the most.
Still, he was gone now.
Because it had been Gabriel to leave the door open, and not you.
A thick huff left your lips as you stared to your hands, hoping to grasp any sane thought even though the voices outside made thinking clearly even harder.
“We have to leave now and get him before Michonne returns. Can’t risk it.”
“Gotta plan it thoroughly. We need to have groups in all directions and with enough people…he’s an asshole but sly as a fox, we need to be sure to get him once we spot him.”
An ice cold shudder ran down your back as you listened to their voices, realizing once more that this was the bitter reality.
Of course they were gonna search for him.
A shivering sigh rumbled through your body as you sprung up, glancing through the windows that were showing you the Alexandrian’s that must have almost forgotten about you in their anger and almost panic.
They were still talking as they were slowly departing from the cell, making up a plan to catch Negan as fast as they could and with that, arguing about the one thing you couldn’t let happen.
No matter what Negan had asked you to do, no matter how much you liked to be able to stay back, trust him, follow his plea for once and hope that everything would just work out, you couldn’t.
You had to find him.
Before they did.

“Home, Sweet Home”, the words rolled from Negan’s lips smoothly as he finally stared at the familiar in front of him, the dark fabric that stood tall and impressive in front of him, like the stronghold it had always been.
His eyes wandered over his old home, the place that might help him to turn shit around for him and his girl now, all while a small grin forming on his lips for the first time in hours.
Till now, this fucking day hadn’t been much of a lucky one.
Killing walkers was as much of a pain in the ass as ever, especially when one of them lands on your supplies and taints them with its mushy and bloody fuckery of a body.
Drinking water out of a small river was a damn dumb idea too, that was noted in the back of his mind now as well, mostly after his body had cranked in disgust until all the shit that had swum in his stomach had left his body the wrong way out, and as a special treat, right at the damn clearing this whole shit had begun.
Fuck, he wasn’t even sure what had urged him there, regret, nostalgia, whatfuckingever, still the odds weren’t much in his favor and rather taunting to force him to throw up especially there.
Next damn thing had been a bunch of wild dogs that had almost torn him apart in a shop for clothes, ending up with him saving his ass in the very last minute.
But hey, at least he had a new fucking leather jacket, and damn that smooth shit felt so much better than that prison suit on his skin.
And now, it almost felt a little like it used too, a leatherjacket slung around his torso, a grin on his lips and a metal pipe resting on his shoulder like his dirty girl had used to.
Maybe this old place could help him with a new start.
Maybe this could be it.
Maybe.

A few food cans were clicking in your backpack, the knife tightly in your hands as you shuffled from the road first into the woods, hoping that the other Alexandrian’s wouldn’t directly see you and keep you from searching for him.
You stayed at its edge though, enough to see the road to keep track on where you were heading while you made your way through the undergrowth, each step determined.
He could be going anywhere judging from his note that seemed to say much by saying nothing concrete at all as well, for obvious reasons, still, your head was working on full speed, trying to figure out where to go, where to search for him.
He wanted to change something, for you two, so maybe he was going back to the root of it all to find a start.
The Sanctuary.
“(Y/N)”, a familiar voice made you flinch, echoing from the road through the trees as it let you immediately flinch up and turned your head towards its source.
“Judith? What are you doing outside?”, you choked out the moment you saw the girl standing on the blacktop, glancing at you while she clutched the heavy colt in her hands. 
“Same as you, I guess”, she said, shrugging her shoulders as you sighed and climbed out of the undergrowth of the woods, glancing to your sides to see if she was alone before a thicker huff left your lips.
“Judith, you can’t go out alone, what if-”
“Well now I’m not alone anymore, right?”, she said, nodding towards you and actually eliciting a small chuckle off your lips before you stepped closer to her, torn between what to do now before you already saw her changing the look in her eyes, almost as if she could guess that you’d tell her to let you take her home, to not get her into even more danger than she already was by simply being outside.
“I won’t go back…and I still got something to tell you”, she said, glancing up from beneath her Sheriff’s hat as you let out another sigh.
“Judi-”
“I let him go”, she mumbled, widening your eyes only with this small sentence as he pressed her lips sheepishly on one another before raising her voice again.
“I saw him climbing over the wall…he promised me not to hurt anyone, not even if they’d tried to hurt him…so I let him leave”, she said, huffing softly as her fingers fumbled on the metal of her gun, “He said he’ll make everything alright for you both, that’s why he had to go.”
A heavy breath fell from your lips as you listened to her, hearing those words again that fitted to the one on the note that were stuffed into the pockets of your pants.
“Maybe I can help you find him before the others, so you can talk to him”, she said, glancing up at you with that look that told you that she wouldn’t take a ‘no’ nor would she let you walk her home, back to Alexandria that must be about an hour march away by now.
“Okay…but you’ll stay right by my side”, you eventually said reluctantly after a couple moments of pondering and hoping that you’d be earlier back than Michonne before you watched a smile spreading over the girl’s lips.
“Great!”, she exclaimed, a wide smile spreading over her lips as she grabbed her colt tighter, held her hat with the other hand and began to sprint forward over the street, leaving your side within seconds.
“You’re coming?”, she called the next moment, turning around to look smiling but challenging at you before you couldn’t hide a grin as you shook your head and let out a small laugh.
“What did I just say?”

This wasn’t what he had wanted, not even what he had fucking expected the he had stood outside, all enthusiastic and hopeful too see his old home after all this time again. But there he was now, sitting in the great hall of the Sanctuary, or rather of what was left of it. 
It looked like nothing ever had happened here, as if this factory had been empty from the moment on the world had gone to shit.
As if no people had ever buzzed through this hall, working and selling their goods.
As if he had never held meetings in the room far up in the Sanctuary’s floors.
As if there never had been life inside these walls.
As if everything he had worked for and built up had never taken place. 

He didn’t even know what he had exactly expected when he had arrived here, after seven and a fucking half years. He’d known a couple things, the stuff (Y/N) had heard and told him, but even she hadn’t known everything about this place, nor its downfall. 
But here, here was nothing left. No person alive, just dead fuckers and one of his former lieutenants who had also seemed to have kicked the bucket years ago.
But shit, at least he’d stayed till the very end…oppositely to everybody else.
A thick gulp traveled down Negan’s throat as he glanced around from his crouched position on the couch in the middle of the hall at the furniture he had found sprawled out across the place and which was now aligned to a small room, almost as big as his cell back in Alexandria.
He couldn’t deny that part of him had hoped that moving things around and creating a little space with them would elicit a feeling of comfort in him, but there was nothing.
Just emptiness.
The ring for his girl he had stuffed into his pant’s pocket before escaping his cell was pressing now into his skin, as if it was trying to remind him that it was still present, urging and pushing his mind to rotate over and over again, churning him up from the very inside.
He’d really hoped he’d find something here that could help him change the situation, change their future and make it better, whatever the hell it might be.
But with nothing left here, his hopes seemed to dangle on a thin thread, daring to tear each other second.
Running his hand over his face, along the scruffy salt and pepper beard and over his mouth that had changed from a grin back into a form that looked like the one of a pissed off but especially sad smiley, he glanced around once more, feeling how a thick lump was forming in his throat, growing along with his desperation.
No matter how much he wished for some solution to pop up in his head, for this place to change into something better just like the future he had longed for, he realized with every minute he spent within these walls that there was none.
Not outside here at least.
Here was nothing to built up on, nothing but dead fuckers and ruined buildings.
He hated to admit it, hated even more that this was the painful truth, but there was not only more for him back in Alexandria, but also more for her, for them both.
He had to go back.

“Oh no”, you huffed as you spotted the approaching four walkers between the trees, stumbling through the undergrowth you were making your way through along with Judith.
“I’ll help”, she said as soon as you grabbed your knife, keeping it tightly in your hands before you turned around and glanced right at her.
“Oh no, I know you can do this but there’s enough trouble going on right now. I won’t get you into any more danger”, you said, trying to work against her stubborn little head while the groans of the dead got louder, “Those aren’t that many, I can take care of them, just stay here.”
You saw her nodding for a moment, right before your glance stayed a little longer on her before you turned back around and stepped towards the growling walkers that were already stretching their rotting arms out for you.
With a huff you grasped the wooden handle of the knife tighter, stepping closer towards the first dead one as you kicked its weak legs back, snapping them by the knees into half and forcing it to stumble back into the ground, harmless enough for you to step over it and drive your knife into its skull.
Sighing heavily you marched towards the other three, while you heard an approaching engine in the distance that pushed itself into your head as you made your way closer to the walkers.
It were probably Alexandrians on their way to search for Negan, and while the thought of them finding him brought nausea over you again you forced yourself to concentrate on the threat right in front of you.
You were swinging in a deadly trance as you fought walker after walker, panting as you struggled a little with the last and tallest one until its body finally got limp and fell lifeless to the ground.
Just as you caught your breath again and shook the blood of the knife, ready to turn around to Judith your body flinched up in shock by the sound of a gunshot echoing through the air.
Gasping for air you turned around, already seeing what you had expected, Judith was gone, and so was her colt, the gun that had to be responsible for the shot.
“Fuck!”, you cursed loudly, filled with desperation and worry as you glanced around, trying to retrieve the source of the shot before you saw her standing on the blacktop of the road, a good bit away from your position in the woods, her body crouched, as if she was talking to someone or something on the ground.
“Goddamn it”, you cursed under your fastening breath, already imagining the worst as you rushed through the undergrowth, trying to stay upright and not to trip over every root and bush in your way.
You were only a few dozen meter away from reaching the blacktop as you finally saw a figure appearing beside her, tall and broad, right before this figure became a person whose appearance took your breath away once more.
“Negan”, you breathed out, still not fully believing your eyes as your footsteps fastened, almost entangling with the undergrowth as you rushed through it until you reached the wood’s edge with a harshly beating heart and relief that began to wash all over you.
You mumbled his name again the moment your eyes finally caught his, softening them as you watched a smile growing on his lips, pushing his dimples forward beneath the salt and pepper stubble.
“You’re okay”, you mumbled with another relieved sigh, rushing towards him, lost in your emotions until you could finally feel his arms wrapping around your body and pulling you close against his.
“Yeah..’cept for that this little lady shot me off the damn motorcycle”, you heard him mumble into your hair with a low chuckle, right before the adrenaline in your veins sunk a little and you began to combine what had just happened and look around you.
Not only Negan was here, clad into a new leather jacket instead of the prison suit, there was also a motorcycle almost laying beside the road, its frontwheel still spinning slightly from the sudden impact it had gone through by Negan’s fall after Judith’s shot.
“Jud-”, you called out, spinning in his arms around to her before he pulled you closer and made you look at him, calming you a little with his touch that felt soothing after the distress and nerve-racking emotions the day had put you through till now.
“She told me she’d shoot if she’d see me again here so…”, he mumbled with a chuckle, shrugging his shoulders slightly before you heard the voice of the girl sounding through the air again.
“I’ll give you a second…”
“But don’t go too far, okay? Can’t have you slipping away again…I just don’t want you hurt, Judith”, you said, giving her a caring but warning look in response to what had happened just minutes ago before she nodded, this time more genuinely, before grabbing her colt and walking a bit until plunging down onto the edge of the blacktop.
Breathing throughly through you forced your glance from Judith and instead closed your eyes as you hugged Negan back again, nuzzling your nose into his neck while you could feel more and more burden falling off your shoulders until his voice rumbled through to you.
“You’re not mad at my ass?”
“No…you just scared the shit out of me, you got no idea how many of them are out here searching for you”, you muttered back, sighing quietly as you huddled up to him ,”I’m just so glad you’re fine.”
For another moment he stayed quiet, just cradling you and allowing you to calm down until your mind was less of a mess again before he shifted uncomfortably.
“Sweetheart?”, he mumbled, pushing you with the tension in his voice to make you dive out of his neck’s curve and look into his eyes ,“I’m going back”
“What?”, it directly jumped out of your lips, eliciting confusion once more as you stared blankly at him.
In your euphoria you hadn’t even wasted a thought to what was coming next, if he was staying outside, what he had wanted to do for the both of you or if he had a new plan, but even though you could have imagined many answers, going back wasn’t one of the first ones you thought of.
“Cell and all…I’m going back to Alexandria”, he added, clearly and determined, leaving no space for doubt even though confusion was still keeping all of your facial expression hostage.
“I uhm…I thought I could change something”, he mumbled, sighing as he stared for a moment into the woods before his glance met yours again,”For us…get us that damn future we’ve been thinking’ ‘bout.”
A weak, even sad smile was growing on his lips, catapulting your thoughts to your talks about the wishes the cell wouldn’t let you fulfill.
”Now I know I…I know I can’t”, he mumbled, gulping thickly as his voice was filled with pain and defeat while a heavy breath rumbled through his his chest.
“Sanctuary’s gone…all of it…and-…fuck, there’s no damn other way out here for me to prove to them that I ain’t belong into that cell”, he said, trying to keep himself talking while you just looked at him, allowing him to get everything off his chest that needed to leave.
“And I won’t bring you out here into this shit world for sure. Not you…not anything that could ever be on the way”, he mumbled with another sad smile, caressing the side of your stomach before he sighed once more and clenched his jaw uneasily, “There’s no future out here…I gotta accept that.”
“In Alexandria, hell I know you’re safe, I know you got a doc when you need one, got shit to fill your stomach”, he chuckled softly as he rose his voice again, trying to lift both of your moods as a small grin slipped into the sad smile,”And I got some gossip at my little window, and that’s better than those fuckin’ dead asshats tryin’ to turn my ass into a snack.”
“Are you sure?”, was the first thing to slip out of your lips as you were glancing concerned at him, “I don’t want you to feel like you gotta go back just for me…I don’t want that.”
“It’s all fine, Sweetheart. Trust me, it’s fine”, he said the moment your voice hushed, leaving you no space to argue his decision. For another moment, you looked at him, watching his reaction, the glance that was filled with genuineness and muscles that were relaxed, as if he was at peace with his choice. 
“And who knows…maybe I get the chance to prove other shit”, he mumbled, tipping in to plant a small kiss on your lips before backing away and capturing your eyes once more, “I’m not givin’ up on our future, just gotta find a different way.”
Softly, you nodded, still trying to sort the mess in your head that slowly got less entangled by the relief that washed more and more through your veins.
“And at least I got a new leather jacket, knew you were always a sucker for that”, he added with another low chuckle, eliciting to let a soft laugh fall from your lips as well before another voice made you turn around.
“Are you ready? Can we go home?”, Judith asked, glancing at you out of a little distance before you gave her a smiling nod and stepped finally out of Negan’s embrace.
“Yeah, we can go home”, you said, seeing a small smile growing on her lips as well before she turned around and marched forward, the sheriff hat on her head swinging a little from side to side as it was still way too large before your eyes detached from her and found Negan again.
“Everything will work out just fuckin’ fine”, he mumbled, taking his first steps to follow Judith and grasping your hand in the process, engulfing it in his large palm and squeezing it softly, letting you hope that he was right, letting you hope that there was no aftermath to his escape, letting you hope for your future.

(The gif isn’t mine/ it was originally posted by dancing-at-the-funeralparty)
tagging:

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Summary: Pregnancy is hard, especially when the baby’s keeping you awake all night, but it can be a little easier when you got a husband who gets up in the middle of the night for you to still your cravings with his handmade spaghetti.

This is my entry for @negans-writings writing challenge and my prompt was “hand-made” and it’s set in the non-apocalyptic world. Thank you so much for hosting this challenge, I had a lot fun with this!!

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Softly groaning you shifted over the mattress, one hand caressing over your bump, feeling the movements underneath your skin by the tiny hands and feet as you pushed yourself deeper into the pillows.
Usually, you loved feeling the motions of your baby, but right now, you just wanted to sleep while your kid seemed to plan something very different for you. It was in the middle of the damn night, that far in that you didn’t even want to look at the clock on the nightstand to not make you feel even worse.
And it wasn’t even only the exhaustion, your pregnancy cravings had seemed to reach their peak and were only adding up onto your annoyance.
God, you wished to have a big portion of Negan’s handmade spaghetti now, with enough of that delicious tomato sauce to almost drown the noodles but unfortunately, the man who could do the dish best was peacefully sleeping next to you and you had no plans of waking him up because of your cravings. He’d already prepared enough weird stuff for you since they had stared, no matter how odd they had been, he deserved the sleep.
Of course, you could stand up and get something else, but heaving yourself out of the bed with your six month belly and then getting all active again would make it even harder to fall asleep later.
Ugh, this was a big ol’ mess.
“Baby?”, you suddenly heard Negan’s voice drowsily mumble, snapping your glance right back to the man by your side who was glancing with sleepy eyes at you.
“Sorry for shifting so much”, you mumbled as you sighed quietly, moving closer to his side, right to the spot where you had shifted away earlier to prevent him from waking up ,”The baby won’t stop kicking.”
“It’s okay, don’t have classes till midday anyway”, he mumbled as he gave you a sleepy smile,”Don’t ya worry your pretty head.”
You nodded softly before a thick yawn escaped your mouth while you moved as much as you could with your bump into his side, nuzzling your head against his chest and into his warmth.
Closing your eyes for a moment you hummed softly, right before another kick made you shift until Negan’s large palm placed on your belly.
“You gonna calm down now, buddy?”, Negan mumbled, the small grin in his voice audible as his thumb caressed over the thin fabric that covered your skin ,”Now I get bouncing ‘round in there must be one hell of a fuckin’ fun but ya gotta let your mom sleep a little.”
“Hmm think they got other plans”, you mumbled with a sleepy chuckle as soon as you felt another kick and glanced from your huddled position up at Negan right as the hunger made your stomach grumble loudly.
“Now that wasn’t the baby, was it?”, he chuckled deeply, his drowsy eyes glancing at you while another grin let the corners of his lips curl up.
“Nah”, you mumbled, catching his eyes as you let out a little sigh, “I’m hungry too…doesn’t make it all better, huh?”
“Whatcha cravin’?”, he asked with a smirk the moment your voice hushed, more tease mixing in his still drowsy voice,”Ice cream on toast again?”
“Nah but that was really good tho…”, you mumbled with a soft chuckle that quickly mixed with another yawn before you glanced sheepishly at him, at first unsure if you should tell him.
You wanted those spaghetti but hell, you didn’t want him to get going too and lose even more sleep.
“Hmm?”, Negan mumbled, raising his brows as he pulled you a little closer while you realized that he would neither stop asking nor would believe you if you’d just mumble anything.
 “It’s Spaghetti”, you eventually mumbled, sighing softly as you felt his hand caressing over your bump,“Your Spaghetti.”
“Now that will be easy”, he retorted quickly and with a big grin on his lips as he let go of you and instead begun to tuck on his boxer shorts with a deep chuckle.
“I didn’t mean that one”,you laughed, shoving his chest with a grin on your face  ,”I crave the ones with tomato sauce.”
“Ouch”, he theatrically called out, placing his hand dramatically above his heart on his chest before another low chuckle traveled up his throat as he leaned down and pressed a kiss against your temple.
“Well then let’s get up”, he mumbled just a second later against your skin, startling you in the first moment as he let go of you and shifted towards the edge of the large bed.
“No, that’s why I didn’t tell you right away, you don’t need to stand up for me”, you complained, glancing at him as you crawled closer towards him to pull him back to you in the bed ,”Again.”
“Baby, I don’t fuckin mind. We’re awake now anyway and as I said, don’t have shit till midday”, he chuckled as he heft himself up and grinned in the barely lit room at you.
 “C’mon, let’s have some midni-”, he stopped, glancing at the clock on his nightstand before looking with a still sleepy but even wider grin at you, “3 am snack.”

The kitchen was lit in soft lights as you found yourself huddled up on the cozy bench by the large window, entangled in a thick blanket and with a cardigan wrapped around your shoulders while you watched Negan stirring in the pan on the oven.
The smell of the cooking sauce was slowly beginning to fill the room, the scent of the fruity tomatoes combining with the strong garlic and the tasty spices while you could literally feel your mouth watering. With a soft smile you glanced down at your stomach, tracing and caressing your fingers over the imprints that bumped up here and there before they disappeared again only to appear once more at another spot.
The baby had calmed down for a bit when you had made your way down the stairs earlier and had settled onto the bench, but now they seemed to be up and about again, burning the candle at both ends.
“Smells good as fuck, huh?”, Negan chuckled as he glanced for a moment over at you with a roguish grin, stirring his sauce a little more as he watched you nodding eagerly.
“It does”, you mumbled, slowly standing up as you gave in to the smell that was driving you wild and lured you closer to the stove.
“Daddy’s takin’ some good fuckin’ care of his two favorites”, he chuckled the very next moment as his glance wandered from you back to his sauce, making sure that it wasn’t scorching while you tapped closer towards him.
“He is”, you said with a soft smile, wrapping your arms around him from behind, hugging him as much as your bump allowed while you buried your nose in the fabric of his shirt and pressed your lips for a small moment against it, “You’re the best.”
“You wanna try?”, you heard him ask in the very next moment, pushing you to immediately let your arms fall from his frame and scoot next to him.
“Yes!”
“Now that was quick”, he laughed, dipping the spoon into the thick sauce before reaching up with it, allowing the intensifying tense to let your mouth water in anticipation. Finally, you wrapped your lips around the wooden spoon, humming as soon as you tasted the delicious handmade sauce that spread over your tongue and seemed to let your tastebuds explode.
“Mhmm this is good”, you nearly moaned, watching as Negan’s raised eyebrows narrowed in a teasing manner, his lips beginning to gape open to begin some dirty remarks for sure before you stopped him as you snapped the spoon out of his hands and dipped it back into the sauce a couple more times to get more of the red tastiness.
“Baby, if you still want something left for the noodles ya gotta stop now”, he chuckled, his long fingers reaching back to get the spoon back into his hands while you sighed with a little pout but let him take it back.
“Don’t ya worry, you two get more in just a little!”

And you did, not more than ten minutes later you sat huddled up on the bench again and watched Negan pouring the sauce onto the plates with spaghetti, just as much as your cravings had made you long for before you watched him finally walking over to you.
“Oh someone’s excited”, he chuckled, raising his brows suggestively before he placed a fork and the steaming meal in your hands. It took only seconds for you to dig the fork into the noodles, and shove the first load into your mouth with a satisfied hum. 
“Thank you”, you mumbled after the felt fourth fork, swallowing thickly and glancing smiling widely at him, watching as he looked with an amused but affectionate glance in his eyes right at you.
“Anytime, Sweetheart”, he chuckled, stroking a little tomato-sauce off his salt and pepper stubble before he caressed his hand over your bump with a softer growing grin, “Can’t wait till our kiddo can taste that shit too, might have to wait some more but damn, really wanna see that cute little face when they make a fuckin’ mess outta it.”
“They’ll love it, pretty sure of it”, you mumbled as you took another fork full of spaghetti into your mouth before nodding down to your stomach and chuckling softly, “Seemed like they calmed down too, they’re enjoying the stuff they get.”
“Oh they better do”, Negan laughed, caressing once more over your stomach before leaning in to peck your lips and pull you a little closer.
And as you sunk into his side and nuzzled your head into his skin, the exhaustion that was stuck in your bones wasn’t as present as before but was beating the retreat as pure happiness was settling within you.  
You had everything you needed, not only the spaghetti of which you were definitely gonna get a second plate later, but a baby on the way you had wished so long for and a husband by your side who could turn the middle of the night into the best time of the day.
You were one sleepy but unbelievably happy woman.
You really were.


tagging:
@agespenst @imaginesforthepeople @porgs-r-us @squidgy84 @toxic-ink@Nobodylastname @nice-shoes-nerd @thegirlwiththelyrics99 @tolieboy @writteninthestars288@magical-spit @straightestgay-voice @xsnak-3x @myrabbitholetoneverland  @dasani-saraai @negan-is-god@harry-titss@traumbruch @negans-network@theblankestostares @amysuemc@ashzombie13 @trashimaginezblog @jeffreydeanneganstrash @sweetwittlebosco @futureofdestiel @bananakid42 @dragongirl420 @kalliewinchester-queenofhell@futureofdestiel @timeladyrikaofgallifrey @osakamilk @kattyshea20 @dinodiegos @missmotherhen @kinkygamertrash @beahippie23 @xabeautifultragedyx @negansmagic@starwarsandstufff @bdohe21 @lovesjdm @vanilla-negan @to-pick-ourselves-up-7 @roselover159 @mamarhee @the-writingdead @traumbruch @bellawindixon @dlb1999 @thelittlewolf45 @collette04 @ask-kakashihatake @princessbelgoof@adixon13@botanicalthoughts @nijiru@cheyanhicks @jtklover123 @twentyonewalkerss@originalwinchestervamp @readytourie@ijashanaa @i-am-lady-anarchy @marauderspads @humble-thumb @hp-hogwartsexpress @mydeliciousdandelion @warriorqueen1991 @unholyjs @kentuckywalker @mydeliciousdandelion@dancing-in-embers @gackts-guwashi @ugh-abbyxx @frozenhuntress67 @hela-rious48 @thoughtfullyoptimisticgalaxy @xojeffreydeanmorgan @thelittlewolf45 @babygirlmeepi @thehybridsqueen@blueeyedsoutherngal @naniky @negans-network @the-wintergirl @fangirl-and-medstudent-help @lovesjdm @oofasaurus
(In case you want to be tagged or untagged for specific things or everything I write, just let me know! Also: The gif is not mine, I got it from google so credit to the original owner)

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• Him going all out in order to start the New Year with a blast, no matter if it’s about food, fireworks or anything else that could give the both of you some more fun

• This includes an extra lingerie set for you as well, which he gifts you with a big grin on his face and by telling you that it fits perfectly to the festive mood

• As soon as the time’s there, him pulling you on the rooftop of the Sanctuary. telling you with an almost child-like joy that he’s still got something prepared for you

• Him surprising you with a bunch of prepared fireworks he had let his men collect from each and every possible ship they could find

• Him contentiously staring at the watch he brought with him as he pulls you into a tight hug, keeping you right there with him as he cradles you against his chest and roars the countdown along with you into the brisk night air

• As soon as the clock hits midnight, he’s pulling you into a deep kiss, holding you as tight as he can while you get lost in each other until the need for air parts you and he mumbles his ‘Happy New Year’ wishes against your lips

• Him then finally getting over to the fireworks, lightening them along with you until the dark sky’s drowned in all possible colors and keep you both in awe

• When everything’s becoming quiet again, him reaching over to you to pull you quickly back into his embrace, only to lowly purr that it’s about time to head back to the room to continue the celebrations in an even better way

tagging:

@agespenst @imaginesforthepeople @porgs-r-us @squidgy84 @toxic-ink@Nobodylastname @nice-shoes-nerd@thegirlwiththelyrics99 @tolieboy @writteninthestars288@magical-spit @straightestgay-voice@xsnak-3x@myrabbitholetoneverland@dasani-saraai@negan–is–god@harry-titss@traumbruch @negans-network @theblankestostares @amysuemc@ashzombie13 @trashimaginezblog@jeffreydeanneganstrash@sweetwittlebosco@futureofdestiel@bananakid42@dragongirl420@kalliewinchester-queenofhell@futureofdestiel@timeladyrikaofgallifrey@osakamilk @kattyshea20@dinodiegos@missmotherhen@kinkygamertrash @beahippie23@xabeautifultragedyx @negansmagic@starwarsandstufff@bdohe21 @lovesjdm @vanilla-negan @to-pick-ourselves-up-7@roselover159@mamarhee @the-writingdead@traumbruch@bellawindixon@dlb1999@thelittlewolf45@collette04@ask-kakashihatake@princessbelgoof@adixon13@botanicalthoughts @nijiru@cheyanhicks@jtklover123@twentyonewalkers @originalwinchestervamp@readytourie @ijashanaa @i-am-lady-anarchy@marauderspads@humble-thumb@hp-hogwartsexpress @mydeliciousdandelion@warriorqueen1991@unholyjs@kentuckywalker @mydeliciousdandelion @dancing-in-embers @gackts-guwashi @ugh-abbyxx@frozenhuntress67@hela-rious48@thoughtfullyoptimisticgalaxy@xojeffreydeanmorgan@thelittlewolf45@babygirlmeepi@thehybridsqueen@blueeyedsoutherngal @naniky @negans-network​ @the-wintergirl​ @fangirl-and-medstudent-help​ @lovesjdm

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Summary: After living through the night after Negan’s self harm in the cell, the reader’s hopes for a better day get destroyed as Maggie visits Alexandria and Rick’s fate is sealed at the bridge…

the last part / all other previous parts (None of the previous parts have to be read to understand the plot!)

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Sun beams enlightened hazel eyes, letting them light up in their warm tone, enhancing each of their features and the flow of their colors as they always did around this time in the morning, when the light intensified and streamed through the metal bars on the cell’s windows.
But there was a difference to those other mornings, one that still had the ability to let an ice-cold shudder run down your spine.
Those eyes were just as captivating as always but at the same time the glance stuck in them displayed each moment that had happened last evening and the following night.
They were still slightly reddened, the rings beneath them dark and the rest of his features still coined by the tears that had flown over them in the last night.
They were dried by now, just like the blood on his forehead wound that still looked as horrific as last night, despite your tries to take care of it.
Part of you still didn’t want to believe it, even though you deep down knew that everything about this was true, every single bit.
And just as much as you knew this, you knew that you had to find a way to help him out of this pit of darkness he seemed to have fallen into.

A small sigh left your lips as you felt his hand cupping yours a little tighter, letting his fingers intertwine with yours a little more as you shifted closer against him. The first hard part of this morning laid behind you, the first careful attempts to talk to him properly, not just about Michonne’s conversation with him and that what had followed, but also the reason she had decided to visit him.
A tiny bit of this talk seemed to have already paid off as you glanced for a moment at his breakfast that was gone by now, leaving only a few bread crumbs on the white plate beside the bed behind.
It was just a tiny step, but at the same time it felt like a big and mighty one.
You still weren’t sure how often he had done this to himself, how often his skull had met the cold stone and the agony just thinking about it just like the fear of triggering something in him hindered you from asking further.
”It’s almost time for your shift…you should call the guard down”, Negan mumbled with a heavy gulp, even though you could tell he was trying his best to keep his voice firm.
”I don-”
”No, you won’t stay here for me and get yourself into trouble, not gonna happen”, he cut you off, pushing the thought about staying with him that had ghosted through your head away before it could fully unfold.
”Siddiq would understand…I’m sure of that…if you feel like you need me here with you, I’ll stay”, you said, your voice soothing as you glanced at him and caught him gulping heavily as his eyes wandered over the gray cement ground.
”Still, you’d get some kinda problems for fuckin’ sure…I’ll be fine…as long as I can have you back in that bed here tonight I’ll be fine”, he said after a couple of silent moments, squeezing your hand lightly as he glanced up and forced a weak smile onto his lips.
You still looked at him with doubt, feeling like you didn’t want to leave him alone right now even though his words began to push you slowly into a different direction.
”I’ll be fine, Baby”, he mumbled once again as gulped, “I…I won’t do it again.”
His voice was quiet even though he tried to put firmness into it as he grasped your hand tighter and glanced for a moment at you.
You wanted to say something, put all those thoughts that were swirling through your head into sentences but instead you leaned in and reached with your free hand up to cup the side of his jaw, softly caressing it before you slowly leaned in.
Your forehead rested against his, careful to not hurt his wound as you closed your eyes for a moment and let your fingertips toy softly with his thick beard.
You could feel him moving a little until his hot breath was brushing over your lips before they eventually captured yours, gently even though some small, needy growls still rumbled though his chest and vibrated against your skin as his warmth took you in.
”I love you..so damn much. You know that, right?”, you softly mumbled as your lips parted again, feeling like he needed to hear those words more than ever before.
”Yeah…I love you too, Sweetheart”, he rasped quietly, pulling you into his embrace until your face could bury into the curve of his neck and his arms could wrap tightly around your figure, allowing him to lean his head against yours and softly nuzzle his nose into your hair.
You could feel yourself melting into his hug just as much as he melted against your body, cradling you and keeping you deeply in his embrace as you closed your eyes for a moment, knowing that you had to leave this moment of comfort, earlier or later.

The walk to the infirmary was harder than ever, feeling bad conscience poking you with each step you took even though part of you knew that there was no way Negan would have let you risk just getting an ounce of trouble for neglecting your shifts for him.
Still, your thoughts were cycling around him, around the self-inflicted wound on his forehead, the horror that must still linger inside him and around the fact that he was alone again, alone with that horror.
But instead of being able to get back into the cell with him and make sure his demons weren’t flaring up again, you found yourself at the end of the endless seeming path to the infirmary as you shoved your jacket off and tried to get rid of a bit of the tension right along with it.
You could feel Siddiq’s eyes wandering over you, his brows furrowing slightly as you could tell that your first tries of loosing up were more than unsuccessful.
”Everything okay?”, he mumbled as he leaned himself against the kitchen counter, still eyeing you as if it would give him answers.–
”Yeah I just-”, you began, stopping as you felt your throat tightening and thoughts of last night washed up again.
“Can you take a look at Negan?”, you reluctantly mumbled after a few silent seconds, feeling the fear creeping up in you again that his wound might be worse than it looked, that he could have hurt himself more than you thought.
“What’s the matter?”, Siddiq asked, moving a little closer as you could already feel your body beginning to cramp by the thought of having to speak part of last night’s events out again.
“He uhm-”, you said, gulping as the barrier in your head stopped you for a second from ending your sentence ,”He…he bashed his head against the wall.”
The words felt like poison to your body, biting into your skin, stinging in your mouth, twisting and wrenching your heart in the worst way imaginable while a horrific mix of boiling heat and icy coldness washed over your back.
“Purposely”, you added in response to the confusion on Siddiq’s face while this one word just increased the effects of its poison.
“I’m not sure how often exactly,…must have been a few times, I-”, you went on, feeling your throat lightning with each words as yo twisted your hands nervously, “,..I cleaned the wound and… and I don’t think he’s got a concussion but I’m not one hundred percent sure.”
You glanced at him, saw the concern that was displayed on his features before you breathed shivering out and gulped quietly.
“He doesn’t know I’m asking…I just-”,you began again, the whirling up thoughts stopping you once more before Siddiq already took charge and gave you a small smile.
“I’ll take a look.”
“Thank you”, you breathed out, forcing a smile onto your lips as well before Siddiq sighed quietly and stepped a little closer as he ran his palm over his dark beard stubble.
“How about you get a little out for a bit?”, he asked after a small pause, glancing carefully at you as if he wanted to test the waters before he rose his voice again,“Got Will at outlook B, got himself hurt when he tried to repair some loose bars…looks like he’s got a wound on his forearm but I can’t tell more just from a few words nor if he’d need to come home. But I’d need someone to take a look at it.”
You pondered, sighing quietly as the thought of being this far from Negan in his current state let the restlessness inside you whirl up once more.
“Think you need to calm a little down too…that could be a way”, he added onto it, seeing the doubt that was painted all over your face.
You knew he was right.
You knew he was but still you hesitated, wrestling with your ongoing thoughts, even though you knew just as well that Negan would want you to go and especially not stay back because of him.
To be honest, if he would find out you did, it could just make his feelings and fears worse.
Silent moments passed until you gulped quietly and began to slowly nod, remembering Negan’s words from this morning.
You were gonna be back with him tonight, just like he said.
“Yeah…”, you eventually mumbled, looking into Siddiq’s eyes as you caught him nodding slightly,”I’ll just let Negan know, just to be sure…then I’ll get on my way there.”

The car vibrated beneath you as you drove over the abandoned country roads, following the paths that were here and there vested with guidance sings that showed you the way.
The med bag and a half loaded gun on the passenger seat shifted from side to side as you turned into the next road, taking care to not miss a sign and risk having to drive a detour.
Gas was a rare becoming good these days, leaving only a few cars available for each community and one of them was transporting you through the forests and overgrown fields in these moments.
You couldn’t fully tear your thoughts from Negan as he kept swinging through your head.
You were still deeply worried, even though he had done nothing else than encourage you at your little  detour to the cell before you had swung yourself into the car.
You tried to keep that in mind, tried to let the small smile he had put on his lips for you calm you, just like his warm hand that had engulfed yours and squeezed it softly as he had told you to take care before rasping those three words that had as always elicited this special warmth in your depths.
They had been the last ones he had told you before you had left and they still echoed through your head and acted soothing on you even though you couldn’t deny the worry that was washing up again and again, flooding your mind until you forced yourself to concentrate on your upcoming job.
After all, maybe you should use Siddiqs advice and use this opportunity, earn some strength which you could help Negan with in the end as well.
Hell, use even Negan’s words, even though a part of you feared that he had put on a show or even just chocked back his agony to not burden more concern onto you.
This was still the man who had harmed himself last night, and the more you reminded yourself of it, the more you wanted to turn around and head back to Alexandria.
But instead, the car began to softly shake as you turned into the last road on your way, the blacktop already coined by nature’s forces it was constantly exposed to, letting the car shake a little more as your eyes caught Will’s outlook and the small house beside it from afar.

Shadows danced over the ground of the cell as Negan stared to its cold cement surface, sniffling quietly as he rubbed his eyes that must be as red and swollen as a damn monkey’s ass from all the tears that had broken out of him again.
He hated this shit, of course he did, even more than the damn stinging salve Siddiq had daubed onto his wound but this all was still far from how much he hated what he was doing to his girl.
He was putting her through pain and he knew it.
He had most certainly heard it last night, when she had thought he had fallen asleep in her arms and small but heartbreaking sobs had erupted her body.
Only the memory of it shot painful venom into his veins, leaving him with an ugly but still certain feeling that he couldn’t do this anymore to her.
Shit, he couldn’t see the damn tears in her pretty eyes anymore which he had forced into them, he couldn’t see the way she was losing sleep over him and woke up with more worry, he couldn’t live with the feeling that he was the reason for her pain.
Maybe he didn’t have to do this much longer, the shadows that had danced over the ground belonged to two people Negan knew, one of which he had last seen on the day of the battle, who had begged and screamed for his death.
She was on her way down here in those moments, he could already hear her footsteps.
Maybe he was just minutes away from leaving this damn world and doing for fucking once the right thing, making the way free for (Y/N) to finally be happy without any sorrow and worry. 
The door creaked as it opened and the widow finally stepped in, glancing at him as if part of her couldn’t believe that she had actually reached her destination while the rest of her stared with hatred and disgust down at him.
Maybe it wouldn’t take much to drive her over the edge, just some egging and provoking here and there, mention the night he took the life of her husband, the way he cracked open that man’s skull and popped out his eyeball, maybe even lie and say he enjoyed that shit.
That whole crap should be enough to make her do it.
Make her do it before his girl got back.
She didn’t have to see this, she didn’t have to see this happening.
And once it was done, when she’d find him it would hurt like hell and the thought of it wrenched him apart, but soon, when his body was already rotting in the ground and the most tears had been cried, she’d realize that he was right.
He was just a burden.
She was better off without him.

“Alright, that’s it…but I’ll still get you back to Alexandria”, you mumbled not more than a half hour later, fixing the last bit of his bandage as he shifted uncomfortably on the worn off chair he had plopped himself earlier on.
“Really? Think that’s necessary?”, he grumbled, puckering his brows as he stared at his covered wound and huffed quietly.
His blue eyes were scanning over the cloth, as he ran his hand through his dirty blonde hair that was sticking out from the multiple times he must have already done it before he glanced reluctantly back at the small house.
“Yeah, that bandage is fine for the first bit but I want Siddiq to look over that…and I don’t think you should be out here with that kinda wound”, you mumbled back, pushing your used utensils back into the leather bag before glancing up at him.
“Okay”, he finally said before he heft himself slowly up from the wooden chair and let out a strained groan, “Just gotta get my stuff.”
“No, you gotta rest. Stay, I’ll get it for you.”

“Alright, there we go”, you mumbled as you got him into the passenger seat after placing his bag of clothes in the backseat, hearing him groan quietly as he fell onto the fabric and adjusted himself a little.
“Thanks”, he said, a sharp breath falling from his lips as he shifted his arm into his lap to give it a little stabilization before you shut his door with a dull thud and moved over the driver’s side.
Moments later you started the engine, letting the car zoom and shake slightly beneath you as you began to roll down the street again.
“Thought you’d be much more tense”, Will said after a small while as he leaned into the backseat, fumbling on his walkie as you let your brows pucker in confusion while you turned your head and glanced a little questioning at him.
“Hmm?”, you mumbled, looking back at the street as you the corners of your eyes caught him running a palm over his short dirty blonde beard stubble,“Now I didn’t think you’d be so calm with Maggie coming to Alexandria.”
With that an ice-cold shudder ran down your back as your head snapped towards him, your eyes burning into him as you tried to figure out if this was real or if you had just hallucinated his voice.
“What?!”, it left your lips almost without your own notice, your eyes only looking back at the road for a split second before you stared back at Will.
“You don’t know? Must’ve been a half hour before you got here”, he grumbled, holding up his walkie as he cleared his throat, “Got a shitty connection out here but enough to figure out she arrived…thought you had a walkie with ya too.”
“No, no I don’t I-”, your voice broke off as panic began to wash through your veins, adding onto the tension that had been lingering the whole time within you.
She hadn’t been in Alexandria for all this time, she wasn’t visiting for some cookies and a nice cup of tea.
She was there for Negan.
Your foot began to press down onto the gas pedal, simultaneously to your up-speeding heartbeat as your brain began to visualize your deepest fears that could happen right in these moment.
You shouldn’t have driven out.
You shouldn’t have fucking driven out.
If you hadn’t you’d be there now, you’d be there to keep her away from him.
He needed you and you weren’t there to protect him.
You were in this fucking fucked up car, in the middle of fucking nowhere.
“(Y/N), you gotta slow the hell down”, Will mumbled nervously, shifting uneasily in the seat beside you as you shook your head and glanced for a moment at him.
“She could be doing what fucking ever to him right now, I won’t slow down”, you said, half panted, your voice filled with panic you couldn’t hold back anymore.
Part of you tried to keep yourself under control, the other, the one that seemed to take over right now, put terror in each and every of your cells.
You knew her, you knew what she was capable of, she’d kill him if she got the chance.
That’s all she ever wanted.
“Will, I need you to give me your walkie”, you said, trying to grasp a clear thought before you already saw him shaking his head from the corner of your eyes.
“No, forget it (Y/N), not until you go down from that damn gas pedal”, he said, trying to keep his voice firm as you let out a stressed sigh.
“Alright, if you don’t hand it over, could you please ask if they know where she exactly is? Please, Will”, you said, your breath shaky as you slowed a small bit down for a moment, hoping to persuade him before he huffed slightly but finally got it up to his lips.
His voice boomed through your head even though he was talking lowly, your heartbeat pounded and echoed through your head as you waited for an answer coming from the other side.
But it didn’t.
“Told you we got a shitty connection out here”, he grumbled as he lowered the walkie again while the fear in you seemed to fill you up until you threatened to burst.
“Fuck”, you cursed, pushing the wheel slightly as your foot pressed down on the pedal again while a lump began to slowly grow in your throat.
Just last night he had hurt himself and now, shit, now someone tried to do what fucking ever to him.
What if you weren’t there on time.
What if Michonne wouldn’t hold her back or if it wasn’t enough?
You couldn’t lose him.
You couldn’t lose Negan.

Your nervously sweaty becoming palms pressed against the wheel, your foot growing heavy on the pedal while the walkie began to rustle, not even full words streaming through it, only loose vowels that were as good as impossible to fully combine.
“Sounds like some shit’s going down”, Will grumbled to himself, only letting you grow more uneasy as the trees rushed fast by you, letting them look like a green blurry mess beside you until you suddenly caught figures and horses with a carriage appearing at the horizon that just had to be from Alexandria.
They were blocking the road as they were buzzing around the carriages, fast and as restless as your racing heart.
Your car got closer and closer until you were forced to gradually slow down, especially as you began to slowly recognize them.
Beneath others, there were Diane and Michonne, from afar it looked like you could even see Carol and then, then you saw someone else.
Maggie.
Your heart skipped a beat as you skimmed over her, catching the crowbar in her hand that let a whole different nausea wash over your body.
She was coming back from Alexandria, she was with Michonne…so had she been at his cell? Had she hurt him? Had she-
Before you could grasp another thought the panic of losing Negan took over your mind, mixing the most terrible emotions within you and letting you feel like you blacked out for a moment as your senses only perceived their figures shortly before you, the stopping car beneath you, the sharp sound of the car’s door as you crashed it back into its frame and the way your feet hit the blacktop.
Eyes were fixed on you, on your in panic and anger trembling body, on your eyes that had already become watery, on the heavy breaths that let your chest rise and fall rapidly.
Your glance wandered over the crowbar, over its clean surface that didn’t let one ounce of relief run through you.
That didn’t mean shit, especially not to a mind as full of panic as yours.
Every single emotion rushing through you just got worse with each step as one special pair of eyes were fixed on you as you stomped towards them, focusing on you and wandering in a glare over your face.
For the first time after one and a half year.
“What the hell did you do to him?!”, it blustered out of you, half angrily panting, half with your voice threatening to break at the end of the question while your whole body formed into an agony mess, fearing whatever the answer may be.
Maggie’s glance narrowed some more as you stood before her, her lips pursed in an angered manner before the sound of her voice let every cell in you shudder.

“Nothing”, she snarled, the tone in her voice cold as this one word echoed through your head and couldn’t decide if it should elicit confusion or relief, ”Wanted to kill him but you know what? He’s already so much worse than dead.”
She huffed, her face pulling a thicker frown onto it as she stepped closer to your suddenly frozen self and clenched her jaw tensely before a tinge of satisfaction spread over her features.
“He begged me to kill him. Let that sink in, (Y/N). He begged me crying and sobbing on his damn knees to kill him.”
No.
No, that couldn’t be true.
She was just messing with you, right?
Just trying to drive you wild to hurt you.
But her voice sounded genuine, that painfully genuine that part of you tried to avoid seeing it, even though her eyes spoke the same language.
What she was saying was the truth…and after knowing what had happened last night, after knowing how fragile he was at the moment…even this one part in you that tried to deny it lost its fight.
“He wanted me to do it because he couldn’t”, she growled, the hint of satisfaction still painted on her face as you first recognized the single tears that had begun to roll down your cheeks, along your features that were still frozen in shock and pain.
“He’s so pathetic and weak he couldn’t-”
Her voice still echoed through your ears as she got cut off by the sound of nearby shots and louder becoming growls of the dead, before a mess of voices and information prattled in on you within just a couple of moments, visualizing a horrifying picture even though its mass only let you catch pieces of its puzzle.
Diane panted about a shootout at the camp between some Saviors and the departing Kingdomers with consequences that ended bloodily, with deaths especially on the latter side.
Daryl who you hadn’t even recognized till now was running closer, with eyes searching panicking over the forest, growling over splitting up with Rick so he could lead the herd further away from the communities and the bridge, all while the disturbing loudness of a mass of undead growls and the closeness of the bridge didn’t bode well.
Something had went wrong.
Horribly wrong.
The fast footsteps of Michonne and the rest of the group boomed over the earthy ground, seemingly letting it quake every second as they ran.
And you ran with them.
You were torn. Completely and utterly torn.
Back in Alexandria was Negan, your mind was rushing around him, visualizing what must have happened between him and Maggie while each more moment your mind made up hurt you more.
He wanted to die.
Negan wanted to die.
The man you were loving had begged someone to kill him.
You couldn’t wrap your head around it while your body was far ahead of it.
It was wrenching in agony, similar but still different to the pain you had felt under that tree on the hill, with his blood sticking to your fingers as he threatened to bleed to death.
Still, your feet were running.
Scared about what might happen at the bridge that could change everything while you knew at the same time that there was no way you could return now to Alexandria.
Part of you wanted to split up, split into two, get one part of yourself to Negan while letting the other one run towards the bridge.
The decision was made for you as your eyes caught the bridge, caught a mass of dead bodies stumbling over it while its end within the trees couldn’t be seen,  while your hand instantly and driven by your instincts reached to your gun holster, lacing your fingers around it, ready to use it if you had to.
“What was that?”, Carol shouted through the growls as another shot filled the air before your eyes ran over the bridge that filled more and more with walkers that had a very certain goal in their eyes.
“It’s Rick”, another voice shouted as you caught him near the end of the bridge on the other side of the river, pressing his hand onto his side that was soaked in dark red blood while his hand with the revolver was still high up, darting at the walkers in front of him until his glance fell for a moment on the group of people by the river’s side.
Shock rushed through your veins as you stared at him, catching how Daryl’s figure showed up beside you while your fingers still rested around your gun that tingled from the stress that seemed to multiply with each passing seconds.
“Move north, break up the rest.
Bring some guns!”, you heard Maggie shout, footsteps echoing over the ground as more people rushed towards the river.
Instead of following her lead like the others behind you your glance stayed fixed on your friend on the bridge as you saw him glancing down at you and Daryl, confusion and shock spread over his face as you could see him puckering his brows softly in concern as he shook his head and moved his blood covered hand as if he wanted to stop you all, as if he wanted to signal that it was okay this way.
From the corner of your eye you could catch the others running through the woods closer towards the bridge while your glance stayed focused on Rick and the walkers that stumbled closer, stretching their arms toward his figure as only meters parted them.
For a second you got dragged out of the trance this whole situation had thrown you in as Daryl threw his crossbow from his shoulder, grabbed a bolt and cocked it into its bowstring before rushing back to let it shoot towards the closest Walker to Rick, almost tearing the rotting head apart as it hit its target.
Your eyes stayed fixed to your half-brother as your fingers finally pulled the gun out of its holster, your glance meeting his as he pushed in another bolt.
For the first time since he knew of what you had with Negan, you seemed to have a little bit of the old connectedness back as neither of you needed words to know what you were going to do. Together.
Your hand grasped the gun tightly as you rose it up, darting at the walkers before Rick as you pulled the trigger, releasing bullets that brought down walkers as much as Daryl’s bolts did.
Rick glancing back and worth between the both of you and the walkers,  bending as he had to give in to the pain his wound was forcing up in him while his eyes got fixed on something within the dead for moments.
Slowly, he glanced a last time at the both of you as you reached the end of your weapons’ capabilities, gulping softly as he nodded grateful towards you while he rose his colt, his arm shaking threateningly as his blood began to cover the silver surface of his gun before his finger moved to the trigger.
And he pulled it.

For a moment, the world seemed to stop spinning as the bridge turned into a giant fireball, enlightening the air as its heat hit your skin and brought your blood to boil.
Rick had blown himself up.
He had blown himself and the bridge up to save all of you.
The realization of who you had just lost began to kick in as your lips began to tremble and tears began to slowly fill your eyes, blurring your view of the burning walkers that began to fall down the remains of the bridge into the wild water of the bridge that was as effervesced as the feelings that were streaming through your body.
“No”, left your quivering lips as this day turned more and more into a living nightmare. 
Your glance was fixed to the burning bridge that began to be covered in thick, black smoke that rose up onto the sky until the corners of your eyes caught Daryl’s head sinking in pain and utter grief.
Your head turned towards him as you felt your throat tightening while the first tears began to roll down your cheeks, catching his shoulders beginning to shake as he spun his body slowly away from the place that had become the death of his best friend.
You wanted to say something but instead his teary glance only met yours for the matter of seconds, filled with a pain that you had seen rarely in his eyes before he sniffled as turned once for all away, grabbing his crossbow tightly as he made his way into the woods, slumped in like a wounded animal with nowhere to go instead of away.
Away of the bridge.
Away of the one place that had been supposed to be part of the future Carl had wished for.
Away from the place that had turned out to be the opposite.
Rick was gone and you still couldn’t believe it, couldn’t fully grasp it as your mind rushed through the years you had known him, from the moment he had shown up at the campsite to this very last moment on the bridge, leaving you with a feeling of grief you had hoped to never feel again.
Still, you did.
Rick Grimes was dead.

You couldn’t remember much of the way back, it was like a cloth torn apart my moths, leaving blank spaces that couldn’t get filled.
All you recognized was your heavy foot on the gas pedal, the trees rushing past you, mixing into a mess of green and brownish spots until you caught Alexandria’s gates.
From then on, cries and murmurs mixed with one another, your eyes caught Michonne as she parted herself from Carol, still crying and whimpering as she vanished alone in her home to sink into her deep cut grief, Alexandria’s residents stood either in shock by another or cried silently, all while you stumbled panicking towards the brownstones.
You had just lost a close friend and you still couldn’t grasp it, couldn’t realize it.
All you knew was only that you couldn’t lose Negan as well.
Agony was dominating your body as you got closer to the tall houses, fearing that he might have harmed himself again or worse.
With every damn time someone hurts themselves, their dread towards it sinks, with every damn time someone hurts themselves, their ability to take a step further becomes more likely.
What if Negan had reached that point already?
What if you would step down those stairs and see him there, dark red blood trickling down his skin and staring with dead eyes at you that had just this morning looked with deep running love at you?
What if you had already lost him but just didn’t know it yet?
What if?
You fought against those thoughts, tried to keep the little flame of hope up in you as you reached the houses and found yourself rushing down the stairs, trembling and afraid of what was to come.
Your panicking glance bounced around the room like a pair of table tennis balls, searching for his figure as soon as you reached the end of the stairs before you did.
Slumped in he sat on is bed. Alive.
Still, your eyes scanned over him, searching for wounds but all you could catch was the injury of last night and the empty yet hurt expression that was spread all over his face, up until the moment his eyes met yours. 

The moments between this once glance and the time that passed until the guard had opened the door and let you slip inside had been as torn apart as the time you had spent in the car back home. 
Almost as if it hadn’t happened.
Still, you stood in front of him now, trying to make him look at you as he gulped and glanced at you, his eyes swollen and red from the crying even though an odd expression laid over his face, as if he was pretending that nothing of what you had heard had happened.
“What’s happening outside? Sounds like one hell of a mess”, he asked, obviously trying to bring up as much firmness as his sobs dreaded voice could, forming into words what his facial expression had already told you.
He was trying to be strong for you right now, you could see it right there and then in front of you as the man you loved tried to keep the threateningly rickety scaffold he was upright for you.
You couldn’t lie to him now, not even withhold it.
Not now that he knew something was going on, not in these circumstances.
In the end, it would just make it worse, besides the fact that you were by far not emotionally stable enough in these challenging moments to decide completely rationally.
“Rick’s dead”, it blustered out of you, the words seeming so impossible as you spoke them out, as if it wasn’t real, almost, as if you were telling a lie.
“What?!”

Painful stings pelted onto your body as you brought as short as you could out what had happened at the bridge, unable to go in detail as your body feared more agony that only waited for its moment to sneak up.
The words left your lips almost as if they didn’t belong to you, they just flew out as your eyes stayed fixed to Negan’s face, each muscle that twitched, each dried tear on his skin.
Tears clouded your eyes as he reached out to you, pulling you trembling closer until he could wrap his shaking arms around you, trying to comfort you even at his lowest.
His touch was soothing as you gave in to it and its caresses for a couple of moments, before you had to tear yourself from him as you got to the part that you feared the most, the part you had to tell him even though your whole body twisted even only thinking about it.
 
“Negan,…Maggie was there too”, you mumbled, indirectly revealing your knowledge to him as your voice was breaking in the end while his face fell in the matter of seconds, breaking the thin shield of calmness he had put on for you before it twisted in agony, wrenching you apart as you caught tears beginning to force their way into his eyes, unable to be held back anymore, as his shoulders slumped in like the ones of a hurt animal.
“I…I’m sorry”, he whimpered, his head lowering as the sob shook through him, shooting painful stings through your veins as you stared at him in pain.
“I should be dead…I have to be dead”, he mumbled, turning slowly away from you as your throat tightened again, his tears and words forcing a thick lump into your throat.
“No”, it broke out of you with as much force and strength as you could bring up before his tearful eyes glanced for the matter of a second up before they stared back to the ground as a shudder let his shoulders shake.
“’Cause…’cause I’m just a fuckin’ burden, you’d be better off without me.”
“No, no Negan I wouldn’t-”
“You should go…”, he mumbled shakily, “Maybe if I try that crap again I’ll get it done myself.”
The pain that got elicited by those words was indescribable, mimicking knives that dug into your body and turned and twisted until you were an agony filled mess, with more tears filling your eyes and a shock running through you that let your lips gap open but didn’t allow to let words flow out of it at first.
“Negan, stop saying that”, you finally said, your voice hitching through the tears that began to choke you ,”And I won’t leave you.”
“You should be able to mourn now,…you should be able to lean all the fuckin way onto me and not have to fucking worry even fuckin’ more”, he said, his voice as broken as the man in front of you before he shook his head as more tears rolled down his cheeks and got entangled in his thick beard.
“Heard you crying last night…when you thought I was sleeping”, he brought out, adding more shock to the agony whirling through your body as you tried to step closer to him before his weak voice echoed off the cold walls once more, “You shouldn’t suffer because of me…you-…you deserve to be happy and I can’t give you that.”
“That’s not true”, you chocked out, reaching towards his shaking hand until you could softly grasp it,”Negan, you make me happy.”
“No, no, all I do is make you worry-”
“I worry because I love you. That’s part of the deal…you’d worry about me too”, you said, your voice coined by the thick lump in your throat as you carefully moved closer until you could reach up and softly place your hand on his neck while the other still grasped his fingers , “If you love someone you worry about them when they’re not feeling well..but that doesn’t mean they don’t make you happy.”
A shivering breath fell from your lips as you couldn’t prevent the most urging tears to make their way down your cheeks, letting you sniffle quietly as you tried to keep the rest of you as much under control as you could.
“And I think in some way you know that…”,you gulped, trying to catch his glance as your fingertips caressed over the trembling skin of his neck ,”All this shit here is just fucking with your head.”
Negan’s face wrenched in pain as you glanced through tears clouded eyes at him, feeling him shaking beneath you as it broke completely out of him, sobs rumbling through his chest as you tried to push yourself out of the shock that froze your bones.
Negan began to slump in even more, trembling like an aspen leaf as your hand left his and instead allowed you to wrap your arms around him, pull him into your own shaking embrace until his head sunk into the curve of your neck and his quivering arms slung around your body.
His hot tears and his panting breath hit your skin as you dandled him back and forth in your arms, your hand caressing through his dark hair as more tears ran down your cheeks as you somehow tried to comfort the broken man in your arms.
“I can’t lose you”, it broke whimpering out of you, pulling him deeper into your embrace as you cradled him, closing your eyes as you leaned your head against his, nuzzling your nose into his hair as he slowly tightened his arms around you as well.

The sun was already going down when you found yourself sitting on the side of the bed, still holding him as he leaned against your side, sniffling as his face stayed buried in the curve of your neck and his shaking breath hit your skin.
Your fingers ran through his hair, drawing slow circles as your lips pressed to his temple, softly and careful as you tried to keep more tears from coming up again.
“I need you here with me, Negan”, you quietly mumbled as you held him closer, feeling how the lump began to press in on your throat again no matter how much you tried to fight it, “I don’t know what I’d do without you.”
Negan shifted closer, his arms still trembling as he slung them a little more around your waist as you tried to keep your voice from breaking.
“I don’t know how to get through those nights with the nightmares, I don’t know how to live without you, I-”, you said, feeling how your voice broke either way before you felt him slowly beginning to lift his head from your shoulder until he could glance at you.
His eyes were still swollen from the tears, his lips still trembling as you reached up, cupping his jaw as you caressed your fingers along his beard, chocking back more tears as you caught his glance and breathed softly out, “Negan, you’re my everything.”
His face relaxed a little by your words while your thumb gently stroke over his cheek, wiping away the last tears as you quietly gulped.
“If I could, I’d take all that damn pain from you onto me…I really would but I can’t…”,  you mumbled as his still clouded hazel eyes ran over your face, “I can’t just fix everything but I…I can help you through it…but you have to want it…”
He swallowed thickly, his eyes wandering for a moment to the ground before they met yours again as a quivering breath fell from his lips.
“I want it…I just don’t wanna-”, he stopped, unable to put the rest into words even though you could figure it out yourself. 
“I love you”, he brought out, his voice thick with emotion as you softly nodded and began to lean in, trying to grasp some hope even though you still knew how fragile he was.
“I love you too”, you mumbled back just before your lips softly captures his, feeling him melting into your touch the moment you met while he held you a little closer than before.
It was just a short, sweet kiss, but still it seemed to bring a little comfort into both of your bodies before your lips parted again but his face remained close to yours.
“Let’s lay down, alright?”, you carefully asked after a couple of moments, trying to shift this whole situation a little before you could feel him slightly nod.

You slowly moved back into the pillows, letting him move against your side as you pulled him back into your embrace, into the very same position as you had already laid in last night.
Slowly you moved in to nuzzle your nose into his hair while your fingertips caressed over his arm, slowly tracing up and down the prison’s suit fabric as you slowly began to feel him relax a little.
“Everything will get better, Negan”, you mumbled, moving your hand slowly up to brush over his beard, caressing it softly as you heard the first peaceful sound leaving his lips since you got back.
You tried to grasp it, let it give you some more strength even though there was still an unbelievable amount of distress lingering within you.
Still, you tried to push it away for a moment and take a breath, to focus on helping the man in your arms. 
“And you know what? As soon as things have calmed down, I will try to find Lucille…maybe she’s even still here…and I’ll try to figure things out, maybe we can make this all a bit better…get you out of here just for an hour or so to work or maybe just get some things inside here…but it will get better, okay?”, you mumbled as your fingers ran along his jaw before you pressed another small kiss to his forehead.
You could still hear the mess that was happening outside stream inside the cell through the windows, hear the grief the people outside were experiencing which was lingering in you as well, only pushed back by the mission to take care of Negan even though you knew it would break through earlier or later.
But next to all this pain and stress, as you finally heard him say “okay” quietly back, a part of you eased a little.
You knew this wasn’t it with this one word, by far not.
The rockiest of the roads you already had to overcome as a couple laid in front of you now, densely cluttered with large and sharp rocks that were ready to turn this path into a harsh and merciless test.
Still, you refused to let the hope in you vanish.
You were going to do everything in your might to help Negan through this, stand by his side along this rocky road until and beyond he would reach its end.
No matter if it would take weeks, months or even years…

(The gif isn’t mine/ it was originally posted by dancing-at-the-funeralparty)

tagging:

@agespenst @imaginesforthepeople @porgs-r-us @squidgy84 @toxic-ink@Nobodylastname @nice-shoes-nerd@thegirlwiththelyrics99 @tolieboy @writteninthestars288@magical-spit @straightestgay-voice@xsnak-3x@myrabbitholetoneverland@dasani-saraai@negan–is–god@harry-titss@traumbruch @negans-network@theblankestostares @amysuemc@ashzombie13 @trashimaginezblog@jeffreydeanneganstrash@sweetwittlebosco@futureofdestiel@bananakid42@dragongirl420@kalliewinchester-queenofhell@futureofdestiel@timeladyrikaofgallifrey@osakamilk @kattyshea20@dinodiegos@missmotherhen@kinkygamertrash @beahippie23@xabeautifultragedyx @negansmagic@starwarsandstufff@bdohe21 @lovesjdm @vanilla-negan @to-pick-ourselves-up-7@roselover159@mamarhee @the-writingdead@traumbruch@bellawindixon@dlb1999@thelittlewolf45@collette04@ask-kakashihatake@princessbelgoof@adixon13@botanicalthoughts @nijiru@cheyanhicks@jtklover123@twentyonewalkers @originalwinchestervamp@readytourie @ijashanaa @i-am-lady-anarchy@marauderspads@humble-thumb@hp-hogwartsexpress @mydeliciousdandelion@warriorqueen1991@unholyjs@kentuckywalker @mydeliciousdandelion @dancing-in-embers @gackts-guwashi @ugh-abbyxx@frozenhuntress67@hela-rious48@thoughtfullyoptimisticgalaxy@xojeffreydeanmorgan@thelittlewolf45@babygirlmeepi@thehybridsqueen@blueeyedsoutherngal @naniky @negans-network​ @the-wintergirl​ @fangirl-and-medstudent-help​ @lovesjdm

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Summary: While Negan talks to Michonne, the reader has no clue about their fatal conversation until she comes back from work and finds a bleeding and crying Negan in his cell…

the last part / all other previous parts (None of the previous parts have to be read to understand the plot!)

image

Agony struck through your body as you writhed in your disturbed sleep, the screams in your head forming into a horrific orchestra, determined to bring you down and drive you crazy until a deep, soothing voice began to interrupt them and sound through to you.
It grasped you, taking you to tear you out of the nightmare’s grasp while a familiar warmth began to engulf you tighter, bringing your consciousness slowly back as the dream still tried to pull you back into its darkness.
“Baby? Hey….Baby, wake up”, Negan’s voice mumbled, bringing you closer to the surface of finally waking up again until you broke through it and began to sense what the horror in your head was doing not just to your mind, but to your body as well.
You were trembling like an aspen leaf, your chest rising and falling through sharp breaths that cut through your throat and got disrupted by the taste of salty tears that trickled down your cheeks as a wave of icy coldness and boiling heat mixed within your veins.
“Shh…hey, it’s over. Everything’s fuckin’ fine. I’m here, Sweetheart”, Negan’s voice sounded through to you once more as you were finally able to open your eyes, glancing at his face that was only softly enlightened in the moonlight but which gave enough light to show the concern that had taken charge of his features.
Pants were still leaving your trembling lips as his eyes caught yours, running over your face in worry as his hand reached up, his thumb stroking softly over your skin to get rid of the salty tears.
Still in panic your glance wandered in restlessness over his face, his throat, his body, checking that he was fine and trying to prove to yourself that the nightmare hadn’t shown the truth.
There were no screams, he wasn’t torn up, there was no thick, dark red blood covering him, trickling down on the pile of rotten corpses that belonged once to the people you loved.
He was alive, not a hint of blood on his body, nor on the prison suit and there he was, laying right beside you, holding you in his arms and pulling you deeper into his embrace to comfort you.
“Hey, look at me, Baby”, he mumbled, trying his best to hold your gaze that still wasn’t sure enough that he was actually safe and sound, “It’s okay, everything‘s okay.”
Finally, you got yourself to look into his eyes as you slowly began to calm down and felt his thumb continuing its calming brushes over your wetted cheeks .
Slowly, you began to nod, sniffling slightly before he you watched him leaning in in the faint light until his lips could caress soothingly over yours, keeping them captured until he felt you melting into him, yearning for the kiss and his touches as if they could force the rest of what the nightmare had left in your bones out of your body.
His lips had just left yours as you sunk against him, burying your face into the crook of his neck as the fear got hold of you again and urged you deeper into his embrace, as if he would vanish into thin air if you let go.
“I love you”, your still trembling lips mumbled against his skin as you felt him tightening his arms around you before a set of warm lips placed on your temple.
“I love you too”, he mumbled back, pressing another kiss against your skin as you cuddled closer into his embrace, “So fuckin’ much.”

You stayed this way for minutes, engulfed by Negan’s arms as you were calming your body and mind down, slowly getting the trembling under control as well as the mess the nightmare had formed on your head.
“You wanna talk?”, you heard Negan eventually mumble as you found yourself sitting next to him on the edge of the cheap bed, feeling how he wrapped his  blanket around your shoulders as you glanced reluctantly at him, not sure if you should worry him even more.
But before you could think more, he let out a deep sigh and pulled you closer, recognizing the signals you were sending him.
After all, that man knew you and he knew that look.
“Was about my damn ass, huh?”, he grumbled, wrapping his arm around your waist as you longed for his warmth that set a clear contrast to the iciness that was radiating from the cold cement ground against the soles of your feet.
“You…the others”, you mumbled, gulping heavily as you tried to keep the pictures out of your mind before you slowly leaned your head against his shoulder and felt him resting his against yours.
“Well, now it’s over and fuckin’ done…I don’t die, that’s not how it works”, Negan mumbled, a soft, supportive chuckle in his voice, meant to cheer you up as his hand reached up and stroke for a moment along your cheeks.
“You tell me when you need your man to loose ya up, right?”, he added, his hand that was still cupping your waist squeezing it playfully as he finally elicited a small chuckle to fall from your lips as well.
“Yes”, you mumbled against the blue fabric of his prison suit as you huddled closer up to his tall frame,”But for now…can you just hold me?”
“Oh I can do that sure as shit”, he mumbled back as he loosened his hold on you for a moment to scoot back on the bed and eventually open his arms for you.
“Thank you”, you said, giving him a small but grateful smile as you climbed back into the bed, ”Thank you for being there.”
“No damn need to thank me…that’s my job, isn’t it?”, he grumbled with a small chuckle as you got closer to him, “Come here.”
Quietly, you let yourself fall next to him again, feeling how he wrapped his arms around you and grabbed your leg carefully to hook it over his, making sure that he could hold you as close as possible.
”There you go”, he mumbled as he pulled the blanket back over your bodies, tucking you in along with him as you nuzzled your nose into the warmth of his neck, breathed deeply and contently out before allowing yourself to close your eyes again without having to fear that those pictures rushed up again.
“You got no idea how much you help me with that”, you mumbled against his skin, feeling how he leaned his head back against yours, pressing a kiss to your forehead before a questionably hum left his lips.
“Hmm?”
“You help me deal with this”, you muttered in response as you cuddled into his comforting warmth ,”You make me stronger.”

The gravel was crunching beneath your shoes’ soles as you made your way towards the infirmary, the lack of sleep dragging on your body while you tried your best to stay awake.
The extra strong coffee you had made yourself at your old home was still lingering on your lips, letting you hope that it would kick in soon while your heavy eyelids sent you a whole different message.
You had woken up at least five more times that night, not crying and trembling like the first time after the nightmare, but with enough restlessness stuck in your body to have a hard time falling asleep once again.
Each time Negan had been the one to let you sink back into those sleepy depths again, just with holding and caressing you until your body relaxed again in his arms and allowed you to get at least a little sleep.
Without him there, you were sure you wouldn’t have been able to get more than an hour sleep, sure, it still wasn’t much, but you were grateful for every damn minute, especially after a nightmare as horrific as the one that had haunted you this last night.
You knew that these things wouldn’t just completely vanish because someone loved you, that’s just not the way it works but since you had him with you, they were at least a little less frequent and much easier to deal with.
Especially, because you also knew how these nights were without someone by your side and thinking back to them let an icy shudder run up and down your spine.
You huffed quietly as your tired eyes finally captured the infirmary from afar, reminding you of the extra hours you probably had to add onto your usual shifts once again.
A cold was going around, nothing threatening but strong enough to let a few people lay pretty low in the bed’s of the infirmary, joining the two workers who had hurt themselves working on the bridge and who all needed to be taken care of.
And since the consequences of your involuntary participation in the fight between Daryl and Justing had let you lay just as low as the patients at the infirmary for two whole days, it was your turn to take over the extra shifts at the infirmary.
You hadn’t returned to Rick’s big project above the river, not because of the fight, but because Siddiq needed you in Alexandria.
You could still see the disappointment written over Rick’s face as he got the news, taking with you also a bunch of others from the bridge that just added onto the problems that had emerged after the fight.
Justin’s sudden and gruesome death along with the vanishing of a bunch of other saviors were just a few of the things that had let he situation escalate, tearing a giant crack into the alleged pace that had rested between the communities. 
You could tell how important the bridge was to Rick, building something for the future, for the future that Carl would have wanted.
And now you were looking at the nearest future in front of you at the end of the path, hoping that you wouldn’t have to take yet another extra shift.
You got less time to be with Negan because of them, shrinking your time with him to a minimum before you were forced to sleep if you didn’t want to walk around as dead as the walkers outside the gates the next day.
It wasn’t just dreading on your nerves, you could tell it was dreading on his too, even though he was trying to stay strong for you.
Still, there always was this underlying darkness that kept welling up from time to time, trying to pull him into its depths and take him in.
Until now, you could always manage to pull him out again, one way or another, and let him see the light again but this shrunk time didn’t contribute to it.
And even though you tried to suppress it, tried to stay positive, if you were honest, there was a painful and wrenching fear lingering deep down in you that one day, you might not be able to pull him out of this darkness anymore.

“You want me to eat? Well, I want you to stay and talk to me”, Negan mumbled, glancing from the sandwich to the woman who was staring disbelieving and annoyed at him.
He needed to do this, he needed to be seen as a human again, not just the monster behind bars.
He needed to talk.
“I mean, I I’m proof that you’re making a civilization, right? I mean, that’s what your boyfriend says, so hard to be that if I’m dead from starvation”, he added, watching the annoyance on Michonne’s face growing some more before her huff echoed through the room.
“First, (Y/N) wouldn’t let you do-”, she began, stopping as she stepped closer to the bars, narrowing her glance as a shudder ran down Negan’s back.

“She doesn’t know, does she? You didn’t tell her about this…this little game.”
“No”, he responded in a growl, feeling an uncomfortable iciness spreading over his body. He wasn’t gonna let anyone pull her into this, especially not if this conversation would end up to have consequences for him.
No, fuckin’ sir.
”Don’t pull her into this”, he added in a rasp, hearing another annoyed snort falling from her lips as she clenched her jaw and stared at him, as if she was prepared to attack.
“Second, I thought you said you weren’t on strike.”
“I’m not if you stay and talk to me”, he mumbled, going for a second try, trying to read something off her face in the faint light before Michonne made a sudden movement, grabbing the edge of the chair and pulling it towards her.
“I’d say it’s about 20 minutes before the sun hits that bar.
That’s all you get. Then, you’re gonna eat every last bite”, she growled, a glare in her eyes as she plopped down on the chair, “You wanna talk? Let’s talk.”


“Sarah, you have to eat”, you mumbled with a small sigh as your glance wandered over the girl in the bed in front of you, coined by the thick cold she had caught herself.
Her eyes were slightly swollen, a cloudy glance stuck in them, her nose was reddened by the countless times she had wiped it, the blonde hair was hanging in strands around her face while the rest of her body was buried beneath thick  blankets.
“At least a little”, you added, placing the soup on the nightstand by her side as you slowly caught her shaking her head while a painful cough rumbled through her throat.
“I’m not hungry.”
“I know…I get it, but you have to try, at least a few spoons so your body can get some strength back”, you mumbled, a slightly pleading tone in your voice as you felt like you were playing a record back over and over again.
“Okay”, she finally muttered after a few more silent moments, ultimately grabbing the bowl and the spoon before slowly and hesitantly taking a few first gulps. 
Giving her a thankful smile you turned around to go on with your work, hoping to not catch one nasty cold yourself before you heard Siddiq’s voice echoing through to you.
“(Y/N)? Need your assistance over here.”

“I’m grateful at least one of the women I’ve loved doesn’t have to see me like this”, Negan mumbled, feeling his heart sinking a little by those words as he leaned against the cold wall and glimpsed at the woman behind the bars.
Till now this damn talk had been all easy for him, now, slowly, the hard one emerged and urged uneasiness into his bones.
“What do you mean? As opposed to the asshole that you were before?”, she huffed, giving him an snide glance from her position on the old wooden chair.
“God, she was…she was an angel”, he continued, ignoring the remark as his throat threatened to grow tight, throttling his air a little as he let out a deep sigh.
“She deserved better than she got…(Y/N) does too…wish I could give her more.”
Her eyes filled with all kinds of remarks he could figure out just too well but instead of speaking them out she remained silent for a moment before finally opening her mouth again.
“What happened to her? Your wife?”
“What used to happen”, he answered, the invisible thread spinning tighter around his throat as a cold shudder ran down his back, “Cancer.”
“We would’ve loved to have had a kid…”, it fell from his lips, urging the old memories and thoughts further into his mind before new ones mixed in and let him once more realize what could be…or rather what could have been if shit would have turned out in some damn other way.
“If things were different…I’d love to have kids with (Y/N) too”, he mumbled, his voice shivering slightly as it filled with emotion before he gulped thickly and glanced back at Michonne.
“Kid like Carl…”, he mumbled, seeing the twitch in her muscles, revealing what his mention elicited in him even though Negan could feel the sting in himself as well.
That kid had been something special, someone he would have loved to mentor some more…to actually have him like him.
”You got lucky.”
“I think about him every damn day.
But he’s still here.
In everything we do.
I look around, and I see him everywhere”, she said, her voice thick with emotion as Negan moved a little closer and sighed quietly.
“Do you see him in this cell?”
“Everywhere.”

“Haven’t slept well, huh?”, you heard Siddiq ask as he shoved the rest of his utensils back into the drawer, glancing at you as soon as it crashed back into the counter.
“Woke up a couple of times”, you mumbled, leaving the nightmare part intentionally out as you met his glance and saw him nodding slowly before a small smile grew on his lips.
“Go take a nap upstairs.”
”Really?”, you asked a little astounded as he began to nod once more.
“Yeah, half hour can do wonders sometimes…I know that”, he mumbled, letting a small chuckle out before he nodded back towards the patient rooms,”And I’ll be fine for that time, seems like we got a little break now, so use it.”
“Okay”, you responded, feeling how your body was already yearning more for a bed as soon as the opportunity seemed to unfold itself,”Thank you.”

A content groan left your lips as soon as you fell onto the bed, stretching your tired limbs out as soon as you settled into its middle and rested your head onto the soft pillows.
Another hum left your lips as you closed your eyes, hoping to get the best out of the half hour while the soft blankets and pillows let a small part of you remember the nights with Negan in his large bed back at the sanctuary.
The luscious black sheets and countless pillows that got only topped by the way Negan’s arms wrapped around you at night and kept you in his embrace.
If you were honest, those strong arms were something you were missing right now too, no matter how big and comfy the bed was.
A small huff left your lips as you opened your eyes just a little, glimpsing at the digital clock on the nightstand that let you remember to just use the time you had.
So instead of letting your thoughts run free some more, you cuddled into the pillows, humming quietly before closing your eyes again and allowing yourself to drift a little off.

“She made me…not weak”, Negan mumbled, a hard gulp traveling down his throat as he shifted over the cement ground, feeling how the cold stone of the wall pressed into his back as he ran a palm over his thick beard, “And now…with (Y/N)…”
Another sigh left his lips, filled with tension as he glimpsed up, catching the Michonne’s glance just for the matter of a second.
”Before her…I thought having someone you love with you in this…in some way it does make you weak…the dead harden us, y’know”, he mumbled, letting out a bittersweet chuckle as the woman behind the bar just stared at him, not disinterested, but rather as if his words began to let something stir within her.
”You feel like a shell of a fuckin’ person walking around, well that keeps you alive ‘cause you’re in some damn way not as vulnerable or fuckin scared, whatever”, Negan scoffed lightly, gulping as he felt the stinging pain of the past trying to bite his ass, ”My wife’s death put me in that kinda bubble…that’s what got me through for some time…”
Another deep sigh fell from his lips, the difficulty of talking about her and the pain connected to her death pressing in on him before he glanced up at Michonne and caught her eyes.
”And I can tell you’ve gone through that phase too, in some way.”
She stayed quiet, her glance intensifying by his words that told him he was right, even though she didn’t say a word, didn’t move an inch.
”And then, well then if you’re lucky you meet someone who makes ya feel alive again”, he went on, seeing how she kept staring at him as another small chuckle left his lips, ”That fuckin’ bubble bursts and shit’s scary as fuck, dangerous too ‘cause…as I said, it makes you vulnerable as hell.”
”Then why did you get together with her? Why are you still with her when it makes you so vulnerable?”, she suddenly spoke up, startling him a little by her abrupt response and the snapping even a little venomous sound.
”I’m just a human too, even though you probably see that different”, he said, breathing through as he glanced at his hands that fumbled on the loose threads that surrounded the fabric covering his knees ,”That temptation to feel shit again was bigger in the end. She trumped that.”
“And now, well now I guess part of me was wrong back then…sure loving someone makes you vulnerable…maybe weak too, ‘cause she’s my raw fuckin’ point…but that strength she gives me…that outweighs that weakness…gives you a reason to keep going”, he mumbled, feeling a little warm sneak up deep within him as he talked about her.
”And if I’m honest, when I got her with me I often catch my damn self not even giving a single flying fuck. Not fucking caring if it makes me weak or strong…that’s what she’s doing to me”, he quietly chuckled, having to admit even to himself how big her impact was on him, especially in this dark time ,“I’m just happy to have her.”
“What’s your point?”, Michonne growled, her voice sharp as she stared down at him on the cold cement ground.

”As much as Ricky the prick is a pain in the ass to me, to you he’s probably in some way what (Y/N) is to me.”
”Negan, what do you want to tell me with this?”, she added, the growl in her voice still clearly audible as he glanced up at her and made sure that she looked him in the eye for his next words.
”We’re the same.”

Siddiq had been right, the half hour had helped, letting you feeling at least a little more awake through the next few hours until you found yourself back in the kitchen, cleaning the bowl Sarah had finished much to your gladness.
Siddiq stood next to you, sorting  in the new meds and bandages into the drawers before he stopped to glance outside, sighing quietly as he propped his hands onto the wooden counter.
Distracted by him you glanced up as well, catching a set of four men and women coming from the gates, carrying a few small boxes that gave away the place they had come from pretty quickly.
”Coming from the bridge, huh?”, Siddiq mumbled, quiet enough that it could sound like he was speaking to himself before you slowly nodded.
”I liked working there”, he added, letting out a small sigh as he shrugged his shoulders and gave you a small crooked smile,”Was a bit of a challenge.”
”Yeah…I liked it too”, you mumbled, thinking about the opportunity to be in the woods, another set of surrounding than all the same walls in the infirmary for a few hours a day.
“Maybe if the cold beats retreat we’ll get to go there again…at least for some shifts”, you said, turning off the water and reaching out for a small black towel to dry the bowl in your hands up while Siddiq remained quiet.
”What?”, you mumbled quietly as he still hadn’t said anything back, before he slowly shook his head.
”Heard they’re pulling even more people back…heard rumors Carol’s taking her team too and besides, Eugene told me the waters been becoming harsher from the rainfalls, some kinda roulette game if the bridge’s gonna hold or not.”
A sigh left your lips as soon as Siddiq’s voice hushed, leaving you torn about the thought what must be going on in Rick in these moments, standing in front of the alleged shards of his heart project.
”Shit…feel sorry for Rick”, you mumbled, catching Siddiq nodding quietly before he shrug his shoulders and pushed himself to loose the tension that had begun to spread over his face before he glanced back at you.
”Maybe it still works out, who knows.”
”Yeah”, you mumbled, giving him a small smile before you glanced back outside, finding the men and women that slowly got completely out of your view, descending behind a few of the rebuild houses.
Within just a few moments Michonne replaced them, walking down the street with fast steps that let her dreads dance over her shoulders as she stumped over the blacktop.
Your glance followed her for a second or two before you glanced down again to the sink, hoping that at least on this day you could leave on time to return to Negan.

“We don’t have your bat, Negan”, Michonne’s voice echoed through the cell, a firm tone in her voice as an ice-cold shudder ran down Negan’s back, taking his body in within the matter of milliseconds.
That couldn’t be true…no that couldn’t be fucking true.
“But…but she said Lucille’s at the armory-”, his voice brought out, shivering as he thought back to the things (Y/N) had told him after confronting Rick.
She wouldn’t lie to him.
No, fuck no she wouldn’t do that.
She had been the one to take Lucille with her on that goddamn day at the hill, she had been the one to make sure the bat could stay a little in his room at the infirmary…so what the fuck had they done after he had been imprisoned…what the fuck had they done to her?!
Heavy breaths left his lips as he stared at the women behind the bars, his brows puckering in desperation while a small, sly smile formed on her lips as her voice echoed through the cell again.
“She was.”

“See you tomorrow”, you said, a smile spread over your lips as you shoved your jacket over your arms while your glance wandered from the descending Siddiq to the clock that finally showed you that you could leave as planned, with enough time left to make a short stop-by at your old home to get some new clothes for the night and maybe even hop into the bath for a quick shower.
A content sigh left your lips as you finally slipped outside and walked down the porch’s stairs before a familiar voice stopped you from going any farther.
“(Y/N), Wait”, Michonne’s voice made you turn around to her as she approached fast until only a meter parted you.
“We have to talk…about Negan”, she said, the firmness in her voice immediatley letting a shudder run down your back as you stared in confusion at her, waiting for her to say something. 
“I know you didn’t know but I want you to do so now,…in case something like that happens again”, she said, a sigh leaving her lips as she glanced at you while the restlessness in your body grew.
“Michonne what?”
“He refused to eat, only gave in when I agreed to talk to him.”
”He didn’t eat?”, a coldness shook through you, sending an awful mix of emotions through your veins, an odd feeling of disbelief filling you up even though you could tell she was saying the truth, ”For how long?”
”Since yesterday, but it’s ended now, hopefully”, she sighed, your mind still trying to sort everything she had just said before you heard her voice again.
”You should check on him, either way…the sooner the better”, she mumbled, her voice as firm as before, ”Didn’t take everything I said very well.”
”Is he-”
”I don’t know what he’s doing. But in case he’s throwing a tantrum, I can’t have that. Don’t need him to drive the guards crazy.”

Those last words of Michonne kept echoing through your head as you rushed down the streets, your shoes’ soles hitting the blacktop with fast steps while your breath grew quicker and sharper, daring to slice cuts into your throat.
How the fuck hadn’t you noticed he wasn’t eating?
Or had there even been a chance for you to do so?
He always got the meals during the day, the plates were each and every day already gone when you got there.
Your head was an only mess, trying to figure out what exactly Michonne could have told him while his refusal got clearer to you, it made sense, even though it was hard to admit.
That damn darkness was creeping up again, the memories of what he’d lost, the knowledge of how people were seeing him now, like a monster behind bars.
and that was just a small part of it.
Your heart pounded up into your throat, your pulse echoing through your ears as you finally approached the brownstones, not sure what to exactly await before the odd glance the guard was giving you just let the uneasiness in you grow.
“Well, thank god you’re here”, a huff left his lips, pushing you to furrow your brows in worry and confusion before he slowly shook his head and pulled the keys out of his pants pockets.
“What-”
“See for yourself.”

The moment the door to the house opened your heart skipped a beat, letting the blood in your veins freeze as a rush of panic and concern washed over you.
Cries bounced off the walls, deep, heart wrenching sobs that belonged to the man you loved.
All out of sudden your feet began to run, to rush through the house, shut out everything around you as you stemmed the door to the cellar open and got hit by the uncovered sound of his agony filled sobs and whimpers that let your heart break a little more with each second you were exposed to them.
You couldn’t think, couldn’t even perceive the way you stumbled down the stairs even though your shaking and fast legs dared to let you fall with each step.
Everything in you had blacked out until you caught the metal bars appearing in front of you, showing you the fitting picture to the sounds that reechoed through the cell.
There he was, almost vanishing in the faint light, cowering in the middle of the cell, his hands buried in his short dark hair, his body slightly teetering back and forth as tears streamed down his cheeks and wetted his thick beard as the sobs let his chest rise and fall in a threatening fast rhythm.

“Negan…”, fell from your lips, quietened by the lump that was forming in your throat, urging tears into your eyes as you stared at the picture of misery in front of you Negan had turned into.
“I won’t open the door until he’s on the bed. Rule is rule. Don’t know if he’s fakin’ just to attack as soon as that door’s open”, you suddenly heard the guard’s voice sound through to you, adding with those three sentences a boiling anger to your deep worry that formed into a threatening glare that snapped towards the guard.
“You can’t fucking possibly think that?! Get that damn door open”, blustered out of you, not as aggressive as the emotions in you tried to push it but breaking and panicking by the thought to not get to him.
A sigh left the guard’s lips, his brows pulled into a deep frown before he clenched his jaw and pushed the key into the lock, pushing the door just enough open for you to slip in.
The anger in you wanted to shoot him one more glare for this petty act, but instead the worry in you took over, pushing you through the gap in the door before you found yourself sinking to your knees in front of him.
The tears began to blurry your view as your lips gaped open, letting restless breaths fall from your lips as you slowly reached out to him, placing your hand on his shaking shoulder as you suddenly heard his broken voice sounding through to you.
”Lucille’s gone”, he sobbed, confusion rushing through your mind as soon as he spoke up once more, ”She…she’s out there again.”
”I thought she’s in the armory…”, your trembling voice mumbled as you shifted closer to him, remembering what they’ve had told such a long time ago, after you had taken her with you from the tree on the hill, after Negan had been imprisoned, while your mind was working flat out now, trying to find answers even though there was no way.
Was”, Negan whimpered, his broken voice sending painful stings through your body as he finally looked up at you, showing in the faint light enough for you to see his red rimmed eyes that were swollen from the still flowing tears, ”Said she got lost on a weapon transfer…they didn’t fuckin-…fuckin bother to look aft-”
”Oh my…”, only fell from your lips, the agony that was taking him in was settling over to you as well, forming a whirlwind of pain within you that grew and picked up pace with each second.
“Come here…”, you mumbled, feeling your voice trembling as you wrapped your arms around him, pulling him into your embrace before his shaking body melted against you, his face burying into the curve of your neck.
His hot tears met your skin as you cradled him, your hand reaching up to caress through his hair, trying to comfort him as well as you could before something wet touched your fingertips, letting you flinch away before your eyes stared in the faint light at your fingers whose tips were covered in his thick, red blood.
A shivering breath fell from your lips, your mind trying desperately to figure out why he was bleeding, why blood was trickling from the wound on his forehead you hadn’t been able to see in the faint light.
Heavy pants began to shake through your ribcage, letting it rise and fall against Negan’s slumped shape in your embrace as your eyes wandered in panic through the cell, before the sunbeams streaming through the gaps of the metal bars on the windows highlighted a spot on the stone wall that shook a wave of pain through you.
Blood was sticking to the stone, shimmering threateningly in the light while your heart seemed to stop for a moment and a wave of nausea washed over you as realization kicked in.
He had done this to himself.
he had bashed his head against the wall.
He had-
”Negan, wha-”, your voice couldn’t bring the sentence to an end before it broke, the lump in your throat growing to a size that made it harder and harder for you to speak.
Panic began to rush through you as your mind kept trying to tell you to keep a cool head and be strong for him even though nothing seemed harder than this in these moments.
You should know how to deal with this, you should.
But this was the man you loved in your arms, still sobbing and whimpering, his body trembling in your embrace while the blood of his self-inflicted wound was sticking to your fingers and was still slowly trickling down his forehead.
Tears blurred your view again as your body began to tremble harder, enough for Negan’s whimpers to stop for a moment and loose his own shaking body out of your embrace.
You wanted to say something, not only ask him why even though you secretly knew the answer, but rather comfort him and find a solution that would let his pain vanish.
But while a wrenching fight was happening between your wild running emotions and your mind, Negan slowly backed away, enough for his tears clouded eyes to capture your face that was still taken hostage by shock, pain and a good ounce of disbelief.
“Don’t cry”, his trembling lips brought out, his face wrenching in agony as his trembling hand reached up and brushed over your cheek that had become home to the first tears that had rolled down your face against your will ,“I…I don’t want to you cry because of this-”
“Negan, you bashed-…you harmed yourself, I-”, it blustered out of you even though you wanted to say anything else, ”I’m just-”
New tears trickled down his face as he tried to suppress another sob to erupt his chest while his hand fell from your face.
“I’m sorry”, he whimpered, lowering his head as suddenly all the alarm clocks in your head clicked on and let the urge to stay strong and keep a cool head for him to overcome the wild running emotions of pain.
“No, no, don’t Negan…you don’t have to feel guilty, okay? Don’t do that…”, you said, trying to keep your voice as steady as you could as you reached out to him, softly cupping his face to lead it up until you could glance at him.
“Okay?”, you mumbled again, brushing your thumbs over his cheeks to get rid of his tears and give him some soothing touches before you slowly saw him nod.
“I love you”, you quietly mumbled as you leaned in, kissing him softly, hoping that it might calm him at least a tiny bit.
“I love you too…I-” he mumbled against your lips, his voice breaking as new tears welled up in his eyes and throttled him.
“Shh…It’s okay”, you mumbled, keeping your voice soft as you caressed his face even though you were fighting against the tears that tried to find their way into your eyes as well ,”It’s okay, Negan.”
You gulped quietly before you pulled him back into your embrace and cradled him tightly, kissing the top of his head while you tried to not only calm him but yourself down so you could help him instead of breaking out in tears.

“We’ll calm down now and find a solution…okay?”, you quietly mumbled into his hair, nuzzling it as you cradled him tightly while small whimper left his lips.
“There is no-”
“There is”, you cut him off,  softly but firm enough to sound persuading, hoping to shut down his negative thoughts,”I’m here, alright?”
Your fingers ran through his hair, the tips still daubed with his blood as you caressed them over his scalp, teetering him softly back and forth while the feeling of new tears pressing against your skin let you rise your voice again.
“Always.”

You weren’t sure how long you exactly stayed this way on the cold cement floor,  his trembling body melted against yours, his face buried into the curve of your neck while you cradled and caressed him, trying to calm him further down while the constant shroud of tears in your eyes kept taunting you.
Softly, you pressed another kiss to his hair, nuzzling your nose into his dark locks while your fingers suddenly touched the blood on his forehead again, letting you flinch slightly as you knew that you couldn’t stay this way forever.
Who knew how often he had done that to himself, who knew what that could have as consequences.
Hell, you needed to be strong now, you had to take care now and check him as well as you could and maybe distract him a little with treating his wound would help at least a tiny bit.
“We…we need to get that cleaned up”, you eventually mumbled, gulping to get rid of the rest of the lump that had been lingering in your throat,”Alright? And then we’ll take it from there.”

Seeing Negan trying to lift his weakened body up and slumping himself over to the bed broke your heart all over again, the hurt glance in his eyes only contributing to it as you sat down on the squeaking mattress.
Your hand patted his softly before you bent down, your still trembling fingers reaching past the thin book and the few magazines you had been able to bring him, even though it had taken a lot of persuasion and discussions with the guard.
Finally, you got to the bit of medical utensils you had deposed here when you had still taken care of his cut wound before grabbing them and shifting back closer to him, enough to let him feel your closeness.
“Okay, there we go”, you quietly mumbled as you sprinkled disinfection liquid onto a thin cloth, glancing softly at him before you carefully reached up to dab the cloth over his wound.
Negan flinched slightly by the sting the disinfection was eliciting before lowing his head slightly to make it a little easier for you.
It did, treatment wise, but hell, it also made it harder.
With that, you saw the wound in all its gruesome glory.
Saw what he had done to himself.
A small gasp left your lips, almost sounding like a whimper you couldn’t suppress as a stream of light hit his wound, enlightening it as you tried to concentrate even though the voice in your head began to count how many times he must have bashed his head against the wall to get to this wound.
Every time your mind added another bash a stinging pain shot through your body, making it harder for you to stay focused, making it easier for the tears that kept shrouding your eyes.
It had to have been at least five times…if not more and you were afraid that there may be more injury lingering beneath the wound than your eyes could perceive.
Another shivering breath left your lips as you tried to remove the blood before you felt Negan’s still slightly shaking hand reaching out to you.
Lightly, it grasped yours that still rested on the mattress, squeezing it gently like it already had done so often when trying to comfort you in the past.
Lowering your hand from his cleaned wound you laid the cloth next to the bed, just to reach up again and cup the side of his face to let him glance at you.
For a moment, you were torn, unsure if you should ask him how often he had done this or let it be, avoiding the risk to well up pain and stress again that would ruin the bit of calmness he had achieved by now, especially because you weren’t sure if this information would be worth much in your hands.
You decided for the latter, hoping that you could ask Siddiq later on to take care of his physical health and for now, trying to take care of what seemed much more urgent.
His mental health.
“I’m sorry you have to-”, you heard him mumble, his voice breaking in the end as you shook your head softly and brushed your thumb over his cheek.
“Shh, it’s okay…it’s okay…don’t worry about me now”, you muttered, feeling how more thoughts pressed in on your mind, the rest of his talk with Michonne, or even more what had led to it, the hunger strike.
An urge in you wanted to know about those things but you kept pressing them back, telling yourself that you should take care of them on the next morning, when the situation had calmed a little down and distanced itself.
For now, there was only one thing that had directly led to his behavior and his breakdown, or at least it had been the one to trigger it and finally open the gate for all the darkness that had already so often tried to captivate him.
God, you knew how much the bat meant to him, what kind of memories were stuck in it and not only that, but also what an emotional crutch it had been for him through the apocalypse and its troubles.
You had to find a way to get her back, somehow.

You glanced back up again, looking with agony in your veins at the man in front of you who seemed like he was slowly breaking apart, giving in to the pressure that had been lingering over him over the last year and a half.
It elicited a fear in you that crawled through your body, nestling in beneath your skin as you reached out to him and bit new forming tears back.
“Come here”, you softly mumbled, shifting back onto the mattress until your could lean into the pillow and guide him closer to you.
Within seconds he allowed himself to fall back into your embrace, bury his head into the curve of your neck as his large and tall frame huddled up to yours.
You cradled him softly against your body, running your fingers through his hair, while your arm wrapped tightly around him as your mind spooled back to the reason for this all, just as much as the urge to help him. 
“I’ll try to find her-”
“No”,  he cut you off, his voice still coined by the sobs and whimpers from before as he rose his head from your shoulder for a moment and let his bleary but determined eyes glance at you ,”No, you won’t go out there for me when that shit herd’s roamin’ around.”
You stared at him, unsure and a little desperate in what to do now before you breathed through and gulped softly, nodding as you knew that this wasn’t gonna be the way to go, at least not right now.
You guided his head back into the curve of your neck, brushing over his hair before you sighed softly and tried to let your head work as well as it could in these moments, before you rose your voice again.
“You know what? Maybe Michonne didn’t say the truth, maybe she’s still somewhere here. Maybe she just didn’t want you to know”, you said, keeping your voice as soothing as you could as he shifted slightly in your embrace.
“You think that?”, he asked, his voice raspy as he nuzzled his face closer into your neck while a small ounce of hope seemed to create within the desperation that had taken hostage of his voice before.
“I think it’s more than possible…why should they leave her behind when she’s one of the things they can have power over you with? I know that’s nothing great to hear…I know…but I’m sure they wouldn’t want to miss out on that opportunity”, you mumbled, not only to calm him but also because you felt like this could actually be true.
There was much that could simply get lost, but something as powerful and meaningful as Negan’s bat? The possibility was small.
“So yeah, I think she could still be here…”, you added as you could feel his breath growing a little steadier as you teased your fingers through his hair, pressing another kiss to his forehead as you leaned your head against his.
“I love you, Negan…I love you so much”, you softly mumbled, feeling how the lump that was still lingering in your throat was pressing in on you again as you cradled him tightly and felt how your worry about him took some more charge over your body as the urge to just function was slowly vanishing
A soft ‘I love you too’ was the only thing that got a tiny smile for a moment on your lips before new tears formed in your eyes as you nuzzled your nose into his hair and caressed him softly.

You kept cradling him, holding him tightly in your embrace until you felt him beginning to slowly relax, the exhaustion the sobs and the hunger strike had brought into him mixing with the bit of calmness you had been able to create.
With the passing time, his breath grew steadier, his body melted against yours and his head sunk a little deeper into your neck until you could tell that he had fallen asleep by the time everything outside had turned pitch black.
Just then, just when you were sure he was somewhere in the depths of sleep you allowed the tears that had lingered in your eyes to break out and roll down your cheeks, releasing the tension and pain that had been stuck in your body.
You knew that you had to find a way to help him as soon as the sun would rise again, but right now a part of you was just thankful that he seemed to be at least swinging in a peaceful sleep.
It was an odd mix of emotions that streamed through your body, fear and deep worry mixing with shock and a bit disbelief that still let part of this whole scene seem surreal while you quietly sniffled and tried to somehow handle the fact what he had done to himself hours before in just this cell.
Eventually, your last tears dropped into his black locks as you closed your eyes and nuzzled his hair, hoping dearly that better days would await the both of you as you held him just as soothingly and tightly as he had held you in the last night.


(The gif isn’t mine/ it was originally posted by dancing-at-the-funeralparty)

tagging:

@agespenst @imaginesforthepeople @porgs-r-us @squidgy84 @toxic-ink@Nobodylastname @nice-shoes-nerd@thegirlwiththelyrics99 @tolieboy @writteninthestars288@magical-spit @straightestgay-voice@xsnak-3x@myrabbitholetoneverland@dasani-saraai@negan–is–god@harry-titss@traumbruch @negans-network@theblankestostares @amysuemc@ashzombie13 @trashimaginezblog@jeffreydeanneganstrash@sweetwittlebosco@futureofdestiel@bananakid42@dragongirl420@kalliewinchester-queenofhell@futureofdestiel@timeladyrikaofgallifrey@osakamilk @kattyshea20@dinodiegos@missmotherhen@kinkygamertrash @beahippie23@xabeautifultragedyx @negansmagic@starwarsandstufff@bdohe21 @lovesjdm @vanilla-negan @to-pick-ourselves-up-7@roselover159@mamarhee @the-writingdead@traumbruch@bellawindixon@dlb1999@thelittlewolf45@collette04@ask-kakashihatake@princessbelgoof@adixon13@botanicalthoughts @nijiru@cheyanhicks@jtklover123@twentyonewalkers @originalwinchestervamp@readytourie @ijashanaa @i-am-lady-anarchy@marauderspads@humble-thumb@hp-hogwartsexpress @mydeliciousdandelion@warriorqueen1991@unholyjs@kentuckywalker @mydeliciousdandelion @dancing-in-embers @gackts-guwashi @ugh-abbyxx@frozenhuntress67@hela-rious48@thoughtfullyoptimisticgalaxy@xojeffreydeanmorgan@thelittlewolf45@babygirlmeepi@thehybridsqueen@blueeyedsoutherngal @naniky @negans-network​ @the-wintergirl​ @fangirl-and-medstudent-help​ @lovesjdm

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Halloween Special & entry for @underatedcharactersunite “7 Minutes in Heaven” writing challenge!
I had so much fun writing this so hopefully you’ll enjoy it too and check out the other works of the participating authors!🎃🖤

Summary: When the reader finally decided to follow Negan’s invitation to a halloween party, little did she know that an unexpected game would reveal more than just a surprising confession.

My prompt: “Bottle of Whiskey”

image

Music was echoing through the hallways, bouncing off the cold stone as it streamed through the air and filled up your way. 
You got closer to its source with each step you took as you fumbled nervously on the sleeves of the dress that was swinging around your body, soft, dark red fabric that felt blissfully on your skin.
A shivering breath left your lips as you reached up, readjusting the hood of the dress a little bit and gulped quietly as you entered the next and last hallway before getting to your destination, the halloween party whose host had gifted you the exact dress that was engulfing your body in these moments.
Its hood and the deep red color gave away the intended costume pretty fast, even though you could tell by the sumptuous fabric and its subtle style that it definitely hadn’t been just some costume you could buy in some shop before shit hit the fan, but rather a piece you could find in a pretty little boutique.
You could still see Negan’s roguish grin when he had gifted it to you just days ago, telling you with a wink that you could take the dress as a personal way of his to invite you to the party.
He had been gone as fast as he had come, giving you no chance to protest the luxurious gift or even give him an answer to the invitation.
And till an hour ago, you hadn’t even known the answer yourself.
You’d wanted to see him, if you were honest there was nothing else you wanted as much but you had your reasons for your doubts.
You actually liked him, not directly because of his position as the strong leader but rather because of the things he said and did when he was around you.
The visits on your work.
The times he ate alone with you in the kitchen.
The moments he spent with you during your breaks.
And hell, so much more.
And all of them filled with his odd but entertaining sense of humor, his charm, his roguish grin that kept dancing over his lips but also, and that was something that seemed to stay hidden from most people, his other, if you even dared to say so, softer sides.
So his invite had for sure elicited an excited warmth within you and had kept a large smile on your face for the rest of the evening until you had fallen into your bed and old fears began to sneak up as soon as the light was shut down and darkness began to surround you.
What if this all was just one sided and you were actually misinterpreting all of it?
Negan was a charmer, a big one, and even though the feeling liked to sneak up in you to tell you that he might see something in you, there still was this little devil on your shoulder telling that you were just a nice time killer.
Just as it told you that the dress you were wearing was no evidence for anything, he had six wives who were getting tons of those black dresses, one red one didn’t show anything.
And those wives were just adding onto this, if you were honest, they were probably the main reason you doubted to come.
Only the thought of him with them made you feel sick to the stomach, let alone the chance that you might have to see them swirling around him tonight.
Your stomach tightened again in response to your train of thought, keeping the uneasiness in you alive as you felt the cold metal of the final door pressing into your palm.
You could still always leave, right?
With this last thought you breathed out and pushed the handle down, let the music hit you as the darkened room that was filled here and there with some colorful lights took you in.
The door shut fell into its lock behind you as your eyes roamed through the room, along the people wearing provisory costumes and whose attention laid mostly on the drinks in their hands and the people around them that gave each of them a break from the cruel world outside.
Your gaze wandered around the room, caught a strongly buzzed Simon rushing through groups of people as fast as his state let him while a loud laughter left his lips each time he tried to start a conversation with anyone in his way.
Your eyes caught caught all this but no bunch of black dresses.
A first bit of relief began to wash into you as your eyes began to double check, wandering over the faces of all the guests you could see but still, they weren’t here.
And just as you allowed yourself to breath with a little more ease, your eyes caught the reason you were actually standing in this room.
He sat alone at the bar, a glass of whiskey in his hand, the large, fancy looking bottle standing right next to him as he took another gulp of the amber liquid.
He looked as breathtakingly handsome as ever, no doubt, even though his appearance was slightly changed for this night.
He was all in black, his usual leatherjacket clinging to his broad shoulders, a black shirt underneath that was as dark as his pants and the boots that were free from any dried mud the days around the Sanctuary’s compound usually left on them.
A pair of dark gray wolf ears was finishing his outfit, sticking right out of his black hair and letting him match more than ever the look of the big bad wolf.
Much to your surprise he didn’t seem to enjoy the party as much as you had expected, his jaw was clenched beneath the salt and pepper beard that peppered his face as he swallowed the whiskey and stared over the edge of the glass into emptiness.
Should you walk up to him?
Or should you just wait until he noticed you?
Just as this debate began to form in your head it got taken away from you as a pair of hazel eyes meet yours, glancing at you as they slightly widened and the frown that had pressed over his face got replaced by an excited grin.
“There she is!”, you could hear him say, loud enough for you to hear it on the other side of the room while the glance in his eyes and the gravel of his deep voice elicited a whole other kind of warmth to wash into your body and let your cheeks light up.

You were thanking the dimmed light over and over again in those moments as you saw him pushing his tall frame away from the bar, grabbing the glass, the bottle of whiskey and his bat that was resting beside him before strutting over to you.
You could tell by his walk that he’s had a good bit of the whiskey already, a little tipsy if you looked close enough even though the sound of his voice had still been steady, not a hint of slurring, differently to his second hand man who was still rushing through the room.
“Hey there, doll”, Negan chuckled, the smirk spreading wider over his face as he let his tongue run over his lower lip as his eyes ran over your body and brought the heat in you to rise with each passing second, “Shit, you look hot as hell. Fuckin’ beautiful…knew it would look great on ya.”
“Thanks”, you said, feeling a smile on your face growing as he nodded over to a nearby bar table, hinting at you to move over to its place in the corner of the room.

“Almost thought you wouldn’t come anymore”,you heard him mumble as soon as he had placed the bottle and the glass on the wooded surface and leaned back over to you.
His voice wasn’t filled with any kind of accusation, rather a mix of relief and a bit disappointment sounding through its deepness before he lightened up again and rose his voice with another chuckle, “Whatever, doesn’t matter, you’re here now!”
“You want something to drink? Can get ya anything you want. Hell, we can share this nice ass whiskey or I’ll get you some other shit…just think tequila and gin will be hard to get a damn grasp on, Simon’s watching like some fuckin’ broody hen over that crap”, he said, laughing quietly as he glanced over to Simon before looking back at you, his eyes nearly analyzing your face before he let out another throaty chuckle ,”But if you want hell, I’ll throw myself in a fight with him. Lucille’s thirsty too.”
He grinned down to his bat as you let out a small laugh, feeling how you grew more and more comfortable, just like the tingling in your stomach did.
“Oh, I bet she i-”
“Aaaand our first pair is-”, you suddenly heard Simon slur loudly, darting your attention to his figure within a group of people, gesturing even more excessively than he usually did as he looked into the faces of his bystanders ,”Can I get some drum roll!”
He laughed out, shoving up the sleeves of his shirt before he swung his arms around, until his fingertip ended up pointing right into your direction.
“The big man and his-”, he grumbled, circling his finger as long as his drunk mind was searching for the right words before they blustered out of him,”His little red ridin’ hood”
“What the hell’s that?”, Negan scoffed, turning around to his second hand man, the frown from before spreading over his features again in response to the sudden interruption.
“Seven minutes in heaven”, Simon blurted out, grinning satisfied about his glorious drunk idea.
“Come on Simon, we’re not in fuckin’ high school anymore”, Negan scoffed, running a palm over his salt and pepper beard as a growl left his lips.
“You can play the advanced version too…if y’know what I mean, boss”, Simon drunkenly grinned, stepping a little closer as he suggestively raised his thick brows and nodded towards the door on the other side of the room, “Big bad wolf devours the red rid-”
“Shut up”, Negan cut him growling off, shooting him a warning glare that Simon’s boozed brain didn’t seem to quiet get.
“Come on, Boss man”, he grumbled, his curled fist nudging Negan’s leather call arms as you began to realize that Simon wouldn’t let it be.
Another annoyed and helpless huff left Negan’s lips as he was looking at his second hand man who allowed himself way more than he’d ever do in a sober state.
You grew more restless before you let out a sigh and reached out to Negan’s arm, letting your fingers grasp his sleeve to get his attention.
“We can just go over, he’s drunk as fuck…I don’t think he’ll stop otherwise”, you mumbled as soon as his hazel eyes met yours in the dimmed light, raising his brows questionably. His glance wandered over you, not in the hungry, suggestive way you would usually expect, but rather testing, maybe even a little concerned: “That okay for you?”
You nodded, even though the suggestive glances of the people surrounding Simon would be enough to give anyone doubt, no matter the fact  that you knew Negan wouldn’t push you to anything if you agreed to go.
Still, there was this odd tingling in your stomach that seemed to grow with each passing second before you caught Simon grinning at you.
“Oh someone wanna gets fuc-”
“Shut up, Simon or I swear I’ll rip that stupid mustache off your damn face”, Negan growled, his eyes piercing through the shorter man in front of him before he clenched his jaw and glanced back at you, “Lets get away from that drunk asshole.”

“Some damn crap…”, Negan mumbled as he walked after you into the faintly lighted room, his hands carrying the whiskey and his bat before he placed the bottle on the table in the middle of the room and leaned Lucille against its edge.
“They probably expect me to fuck your brains out now”, a small snort left his lips before he looked at you, stopping abruptly as he got a little closer and and ran a palm over his jaw, noticing the way you looked at him.“We don’t have to do anything if you don’t want to…no fuckin’ pressure here. We can just sit down and sip that delicious whiskey.”
You wanted to be close to him, of course you did, in one way or another, but not with this dumb game. There was a temptation lingering in its depths, the chance to at least feel his lips on yours, feel his hands running over your body but there was still something else holding you back, telling you that this wasn’t the way to go.
Noticing your first hesitation he plopped down on the chair, taking the further decision from you as he nodded at the chair diagonally from his, only the table’s edge parting you.
Sitting down you could see him reaching out to another clean glass on the table before he nudged it towards you and began to pour some whiskey into both of your glasses, sipping on its amber liquid as soon as he could get a grasp on it.
“Why did you come so late?”, he asked after a short moment of silence, licking the liquor from his lips before his hazel eyes met yours again, “That’s no fuckin’ accusation…just wondering.”

Didn’t want to take the chance to see your tarted up wives wiggling around you and risk throwing up if I had to see you leaving with them.

That’s what was rushing through your head, but it wasn’t leaving your mouth, in no way you were gonna just give that away and make yourself look like some desperate little fool in front of him.
So instead you cupped the fancy glass in your hands, played nervously around its sharp cut edges and decided to tell the best fitting alternative you could bring up that was still filled with truth, even though not so specific.
“Wasn’t sure if that was my place to be.”
“Didn’t give you that great ass dress for nothing”, he said back as soon as your voice had hushed, sipping on the whiskey with a small grin as he gestured swiftly at the red fabric engulfing your body.
“Hmm?”, he mumbled, taking another thick gulp of his whiskey as you gulped, unsure if you should tell the truth this time.
You glanced up at him, giving him a little helpless smile as you knew that by the moments that had passed by now you had to tell before you raised your voice, more bittersweetness mixing into it than you liked.
“You got six wives you give tons of dresses to. It’s nothing someone can be smug about…that’s nothing special.”
“Well, you are”, he startled you with his quick answer as he suddenly began to glance down at his glass and the bottle beside it, turning quieter and more hesitant while a wave of surprise and warmth rushed through your veins,”They’re not here for a reason. Didn’t want them here…with you.”
You could feel your mouth beginning to gap softly open in surprise as you stared at him, still not sure if that what had just left his lips was real or just a ridiculous mirage, meant to trick you and show you what you longed for only to turn out to vanish into thin air.
“Now who do you think did I throw this party for?”, Negan said, raising his brows as if he was astounded by your astonishment.
“But why-?”, just left your lips, your voice soft and still filled with surprise as you glanced at him and caught the way his eyes began to slowly burn into yours.
“Heard you talking ‘bout it to that guy on a run…just wanted to give you a lil’ treat”, he mumbled, glancing down as the big bad wolf suddenly seemed not as pumped up with confidence as usual, but rather unsure of what was to come next.
For a moment, you put your surprise and the warmth his words had elicited back, remembering the conversation with the younger Savior.
You could still hear him pointing out that the 31th was coming soon, how you had told each other what you had done on Halloween with friends or even family, swinging for a moment in nostalgia, even if it was just short and briefly.
All that but you had never thought Negan had noticed.
“Know how important those fucking memories can be…or at least that what we can carry with us into this shithole of a world”, he interrupted your train of thought as you caught him glancing for the split of a second down to his bat before a small bittersweet chuckle left his lips, “Wasn’t even the answer to your question, huh?”
You said nothing, not because of his question, but because you were still astounded by him, by what he had done for you.
That wasn’t just some dirty remark or compliment he was whispering in your ear  to charm you or show you his interest, that man had organized all this in the room next door just because he thought you would like it.
That wasn’t just something flirty, that was a big heartfelt gesture you had never expected to experience again.
And you dumbass had almost not come.
Hell, now you could understand his questions, the small remark about thinking you wouldn’t show up anymore, and you began to feel terrible about it.
“Fuck, you make me nervous like some fuckin’ teenage boy”, he suddenly chuckled, the things the whiskey was doing to him slightly showing in his glance and the way his laugh rumbled through his broad chest ,”Now that’s something you can be fucking smug about.”
“Fuck…I’m talking too much…fuckin’ whiskey”, he said the next moment, shaking his head as he ran his palm over his beard and stared down at the liquid in his glass.
“No…it’s fine”, you softly mumbled before you gulped slightly,“I didn’t tell you the whole answer to your question either.”
Negan’s brows perked up, curiosity and a little surprise twinkling in his eyes as you gave yourself another push.
“I didn’t want to see them with you”, you grumbled, leaving his glance to nervously switch to the large bottle of whiskey that was  ,”That’s why.”
“Really?”, you heard him say, the slight astonishment in his voice letting you glance back a him while his signature grin began to finally spread back over his lips.
“Don’t even think about teasing me ‘bout it”, you mumbled, loosing up as you chuckled quietly and nudging his knee slightly beneath the table while you caught his grin growing wider.
“Don’t worry”, he grumbled, chuckling throatily as his large hand reached out to yours and gave it a soft but teasing squeeze, before he took another gulp of his whiskey and nodded toward you,“You can tease me back too. Gave you the best fucking content for that crap.”
“Hmm”, you mumbled in approval, grinning and softly chuckling as a pleasant and excited cocktail of emotions rushed through your veins that just got intensified as Negan’s hand kept cupping yours, his thumb slowly brushing over the hand of your back.
“But thank you…for this all”, you mumbled  as you slowly glanced up into his eyes,”And sorry for coming so late, I just-”
“No need to thank me and don’t you be sorry, you couldn’t know.  Planning was a little fucking off…my ass just had to get fuckin’ used to doing that kinda stuff again…for someone”, he mumbled stopping for a moment before he glanced back at you,”And like I said, you’re here, that’s fucking all that matters.”
A smile mixed into the grin on your lips as the genuineness in his voice just let the warmth flowing through your body grow and made you feel how your cheeks began to glow.
To your surprise, instead of making another remark he just let out another chuckle, glanced for a moment at your intertwined hands before his eyes captured yours again, keeping them locked to his while it suddenly became completely quiet in the room, only the music and voices of the people next door sounding softly through to you.
You could feel the tension growing in the air, spanning in between you as his touch and his glance let the growing warmth seep into every of your cells, only letting your longing for him become larger.

Two minutes left…”, Simon suddenly yelled drunkenly through the door, eliciting a growl to fall from Negan’s lips as he atmosphere in the room got suddenly broken off by his second hand man.
“You’re not answering ‘cause you’re balls deep i-”
“Oh shut the fuck up, Simon”, Negan angrily growled, glaring at the door as he stood up, grabbing his bat just to swing it against the door’s wood, successfully silencing and chasing Simon away.
As you turned around, trying to get a better look at the door your eyes caught Negan’s hand reaching out to you, offering you a help to get back on your feet.
Sliding your hand into his, the warmth was back there, the longing was flaring up once more as he lifted you with ease on your feet, letting you land right in front of him, only a few inches parting you.
The sudden movement let the hood of your dress fall back, landing softly on your back as your eyes first met Negan’s again, catching his glance burning into you as he quietly chuckled.
“Shit, let me get that for ya”, he grumbled, reaching up and around your neck to grasp the hood and place it over the back of your head once more.
“Damn…”, he grumbled, leaving his hands at the side of your face, his eyes nearly analyzing it as the ran over your features.
“Alright, two more minutes till we’re out…”, he mumbled, his glance still as intense as before until they landed back to lock with yours, “Hell, we can just wait it out, unless you-”
He stopped, the hunger spreading further over his face as it elicited the heat to rise in your body, unlocking more of the yearning you were feeling for him and the urge to finally feel his lips on yours.
“We can try, right?”, you suddenly softly mumbled, surprised by yourself as your emotions were taking charge, overpowering any doubtful thoughts and talked for you, creating a flickering in Negan’s eyes that let the butterflies in your stomach go wild.
“Yeah, we can fuckin’ try”, he grumbled back, his hands finally cupping your face as he leaned down, his hot breath brushing over your skin until his lips finally captured yours.
The tingling warmth and smokiness the whiskey was leaving on his lips mixed pleasantly with his own taste as his lips caressed over yours, testing at first, as if a small part of him expected you to still pull away.
But instead you sunk into him, felt yourself melting into his touch while deep growls rumbled through his chest as you carefully placed your hands over his leather jacket, its smooth surface brushing against his fingertips.
Negan’s careful caresses turned quickly stronger, their growing intensity elicited a content hum to travel up your throat as his large and warm hands slowly left your cheeks and wandered down until his arms could wrap around your waist and pull you flush against his tall frame.
You ran your fingers up until they tangled into his dark hair, brushing past the thin headband that was holding his wolf ears up while you took in every little piece he gave you, every little caress, growl and touch.
His beard stubble softly tickled your skin as he sunk further into the kiss, taking you right along with him into a trance that made you after all slowly realize that this all was actually happening, this all was real.
Eventually, your lips slowly parted, urged away from each other by the growing need for oxygen even though you still remained close, his lips hovering over yours as his hot breath brushed over your skin.
“Hot damn…”, his deep voice lowly grumbled, letting your cheeks glow some more up before a certain drunk voice boomed through the door again.
“You done, boss man? Seven minutes are over…prob’ly by far already…can’t tell anymore”, Simon slurred with a quiet laugh eliciting a growl to fall from Negan’s lips, his face turning slightly as if he was preparing for another snapping remark until your voice made him halt.
“Just let him talk”, you mumbled, the smile he had put on your lips becoming everlasting as you caught how the grin that began to replace the frown and his eyes captured yours once more as his tongue ran slowly over his lower lip.
“Now how ‘bout we grab that nice ass whiskey, some of those corny ass halloween muffins and get our asses outta here…can think of a better place to continue”, he mumbled as he leaned in, pecking your lips as the longing in you let you hum in approval against his lips.
“That a fuckin’ yes?”, he chuckled as he backed just a little away, enough for you to look into his eyes and see the playful way his brows perked up, close enough to still feel his hot breath on your skin.
Feeling how he pulled you closer, the warmth and the realization that your wished were finally on their way to come true spread out in your body before you slowly began to nod.
“Yes.”

(The gif isn’t mine/ I found it on google so credits to the original owner)

tagging:

@agespenst @imaginesforthepeople @porgs-r-us @squidgy84 @toxic-ink@Nobodylastname @nice-shoes-nerd@thegirlwiththelyrics99 @tolieboy @writteninthestars288@magical-spit @straightestgay-voice@xsnak-3x@myrabbitholetoneverland@dasani-saraai@negan–is–god@harry-titss@traumbruch @negans-network@theblankestostares @amysuemc@ashzombie13 @trashimaginezblog@jeffreydeanneganstrash@sweetwittlebosco@futureofdestiel@bananakid42@dragongirl420@kalliewinchester-queenofhell@futureofdestiel@timeladyrikaofgallifrey@osakamilk @kattyshea20@dinodiegos@missmotherhen@kinkygamertrash @beahippie23@xabeautifultragedyx @negansmagic@starwarsandstufff@bdohe21 @lovesjdm @vanilla-negan @to-pick-ourselves-up-7@roselover159@mamarhee @the-writingdead@traumbruch@bellawindixon@dlb1999@thelittlewolf45@collette04@ask-kakashihatake@princessbelgoof@adixon13@botanicalthoughts @nijiru@cheyanhicks@jtklover123@twentyonewalkers @originalwinchestervamp@readytourie @ijashanaa @i-am-lady-anarchy@marauderspads@humble-thumb@hp-hogwartsexpress @mydeliciousdandelion@warriorqueen1991@unholyjs@kentuckywalker @mydeliciousdandelion @dancing-in-embers @gackts-guwashi @ugh-abbyxx@frozenhuntress67@hela-rious48@thoughtfullyoptimisticgalaxy@xojeffreydeanmorgan@thelittlewolf45@babygirlmeepi@thehybridsqueen@blueeyedsoutherngal @naniky @negans-network​ @the-wintergirl​ @fangirl-and-medstudent-help​ @lovesjdm

(In case you want to be tagged or untagged for specific things or everything I write, just let me know)