Category: twd series

thewalkingdead-imagines:

Summary: When Negan escapes from his cell to find a way to a better future with the reader, he provokes a storm in Alexandria that gets the one person in trouble he wants to protect the most.

the last part / all other previous parts (None of the previous parts have to be read to understand the plot!)

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Sleep was still lulling you into its depths as a low voice began to stream through to you, slowly tickling the consciousness awake.
Softly groaning your tired mind tried to sort the voice into a category as it sounded through your head once more, pushing you enough to the edge of wakefulness to let your eyes flutter slowly open.
Your view was blurry at first, only taking in the brown hair and hazy features of the man in front of you before it got clearer with each passing second.
“Miles?”, you groaned drowsily, wrinkling your brows in confusion before your head bounced into reality and made you remember where you were.
In a bed of the infirmary, not by Negan’s side in the cell.
Working all day and night before laying down to take a nap while all the patients were sleeping –
Shit.
“Oh crap, the patients”, you called out, standing almost straight in your bed as you were suddenly wide awake, cursing yourself for oversleeping.
You had laid down when it had been completely dark outside, now the morning sun was shining brightly through the windows, urging you to realize that your exhaustion had urged your body to take more sleep than you had planned.
“Its fine, they’re all still sleeping, and if they wake up, Karen’s already ready to take care of them. We’re taking over now, came back earlier from the run than we thought”, your co worker said, giving you a small smile as your muscles began to tense a little less and the adrenaline that had rushed through your veins decreased, “I just decided to wake you up so you know we’re back.”
“Okay, thank you…sorry though, just couldn’t keep my eyes open anymore and they were all asleep”, you mumbled, adjusting your clothes as you heft yourself up from the bed and have him an apologizing smile.
“Don’t worry, can’t blame it on you, keeping that thing here going all alone is one hell of a job, no wonder you needed a break”, he chuckled before he nodded towards the half open door, “You mind getting Karen and me up to speed? Then you’re all free for now.”

“And Will’s wound is doing better, still needs the salve Siddiq mixed for him though.. but that must be it”, you said as you found yourself standing ten minutes later in the kitchen of the infirmary while both of them listened to you as you finished going through the list of patients that laid in the beds of the infirmary.
“Great, then we see you back tomorrow, right?”, Karen asked with a smile, already grabbing some bandages while you gave her a small nod.
“Yeah, see ya”, you said back, grabbing your jacket while the anticipation begun to grow in your body, only rising as you finally stepped out onto the porch that was enlightened by the morning sun.
A soft breeze was brushing over your skin, bringing a little peace into your still tried body while a smile began to grow on your lips as you realized that only a few minutes parted you from huddling up to Negan.
You couldn’t wait to feel his arms wrapping around you, feel him tucking you in along with him beneath the blanket and nuzzle your nose into the warmth of his neck just so you could doze back off and get something of the sleep back you lost while treating the patients all night. Your thoughts only let the smile grow wider as you hopped down the stairs of the porch and made your way down the street, enjoying the warmth of the rising sun that danced over your skin.
A content sigh left your lips as you made your way further down the street, your eyes fixing on the path you were making every single day for the last seven years before a figure made its way into your field of vision that threw your good mood slowly off.
His face was twisted in anger, the eyebrows pulled into a tight curve, his eyes squinting even though it couldn’t cover the furiousness burning within them while his hands clutched a piece of paper while he stumped towards you.
For a moment, you questioned that Kent was walking towards you, wondering if it had to do anything with the bad news about Rosita and Eugene you had gotten yesterday but with each step he came closer, you excluded it more and more.
He was having you as his target, for whatever reason.
“You wanna tell me anything about this?!”, he growled, as only a couple feet parted you, the hand with the paper sheet rising up, almost holding it into your face as you glanced full of confusion at him.
“What is this?”, you only choked out watching as more fury spread over his features with each of your words.
“Are you fucking kidding me?”, he growled, his jaw clenching threateningly as he pushed the sheet finally into your hands.
“Laid on his bed in his cell, you wanna explain this?”
With now shaking hands you began to unfold the paper, still utterly confused and with the worst scenarios sneaking into your head before your eyes eventually scanned over the familiar handwriting that shook you to the core.

I’m coming back, Sweetheart. Gabriel let the door open and I had to take the damn chance. I’ll be fine, so don’t you worry your pretty head off. Don’t risk shit and come after me, just trust me. I’ll make it right for us.
Love you more than fucking anything.
– Negan

“He’s gone”, Kent spellt it out for you as an icy shudder ran down your back while your eyes went over and over along the lines, still feeling as if you were caught in a surreal dream instead of reality.
“You set this up with him? Pushing the fault on Gabriel? You-”, Kent growled out but instead of reacting to his accusations your mind ran past it, your head only twirling around Negan as you cut him off.
“He can’t be gone-…I-”, you stumbled, your fingers clamping on the edge of the sheet, your eyes still tracing over it over and over again while your throat was beginning to tighten as your body filled with worry and more confusion. Before you could even notice anything else you felt yourself moving past him, urged to see it for yourself, urged to go to the place you last saw Negan.
“Where the hell are you going?”, you heard the man snap, keeping up with you as you rushed down the still empty streets of Alexandria.
“I…I have to see this for myself.”

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thewalkingdead-imagines:

Summary: After the endless seeming days after the fight full of worrying and missing Negan, the Reader returns to his cell to finally make up with him.

Warning: a bit smut

the last part / all other previous parts (None of the previous parts have to be read to understand the plot!)

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“You came back.”

You felt like you could still hear those words echoing through the cell as the metal bar door crushed into its lock behind you and Rick’s heavy footsteps began to descend until they hushed completely.
Negan stood still there like glued to the spot, his bare feet pressing against the cold cement ground while his eyes were wandering over your face, nearly analyzing it, as if he couldn’t believe you were actually there, as if you were more of a mirage the loneliness of the prison had forced him to imagine.
His face was taken hostage by a wild mix of emotions, ranking from surprise and disbelief that let the muscles of his face fall flat, to happiness that curled the slightly open gaping lips just a little but softly up, to uncertainty that was letting his brows twitch for a short moment.
“Yeah”, you mumbled softly as you were finally able to open your mouth, feeling  how all those emotions that were written over his face were running through your veins too.
You had missed him, you had known that before, that much that it had felt like a pain able to wrench you apart, but now that you were seeing him, not more than a few meter away from you, you realized it once more.
As soon as your voice had hushed, Negan’s eyes ran slowly south, down until they suddenly captured your wrist, catching the absence of the bracelet, of his gift.
His eyes widened slightly in the matter of milliseconds, a harsh gulp travelled down his throat while his body tensed up as if the blood in his veins had frozen.
You’d bet that normally, he’d just be confused if he was seeing you without it but now, now this had to seem like you were there for the beginning of the end.
”I didn’t take it off. It broke..happened at the infirmary, I-”, you mumbled, feeling how the tension got a hold of you as well, your eyes wandering consistently over his face only to be stopped as you saw it softening again in relief.
It got silent for a few seconds, both of you unsure what to do, what to say before a shivering breath fell from his lips as his head dropped slightly, before he swallowed harshly and glanced slowly back up to you.
”I-…fuck”, he scoffed, only stepping slowly closer before his hand was reaching up to stroke uneasily over his thick salt and pepper stubble before he tried to rally himself and find the right words.
”I don’t think little of you, I don’t fucking…I’m just, fuck”, he scoffed, his jaw clenching tightly as he took a deep breath before his eyes found yours again, eliciting a warmth to slowly sneak up in you that got suddenly larger with the next few words ,”I can’t lose you. I’m just so damn fucking scared of it that I-”
“Shit, that’s why I freaked out when that Caleb fucker-. Fuck, I was jealous, I know, fucking sick to the fucking stomach jealous. But not ‘cause I don’t trust you or think you’ll take the easy damn way and just piss off…I’m just shitless fucking terrified.”
“I-”, he sighed deeply, obviously showing that he wanted to say and explain more, push those words out that seemed to be like stuck to the back of his throat while you could feel that they wouldn’t get out before each of you got some of the tension out of your bodies.

You weren’t even sure how it exactly happened, somehow your body took over your mind for a moment and only let it come back as soon as only centimeters parted you, your eyes met for the split of a second before your arms wrapped slowly around his neck, a little cautious about his possible reaction before this caution got quickly pushed out of your mind as soon as you could feel his strong arms wrapping around you.
First slow, as if he was still expecting you to pull away before he got his confidence back as he felt you slowly melting against him.
His embrace got tighter, his arms cradled you closely against his chest as your face leaned against his neck, taking in his familiar scent and finally feeling his warmth surrounding and lulling you in again.
God, had you missed this.
It had been three days, nothing much if circumstances were normal, but with the fight and the uncertainty of the future swinging threateningly through each passing moment, those three days had felt like a painful eternity.
Your bodies clung to one another, almost as if you were afraid the other one would vanish as soon as you’d let go just a little bit.
It took only moments for his head to drop to your shoulder, before his nose nuzzled slowly into the fabric of your shirt, breathing thoroughly in and out as he cradled you even tighter against his broad chest.

”I missed you…so fucking much”, he finally mumbled, and even though his voice got muffled by your shirt you could still hear the mass of emotions that was streaming through each of his cells and elicited a wave of warmth to wash over you.
”I missed you too”, you mumbled back, feeling how the growing warmth inside you got larger with each of his words and each passing second he held you.
“I’m sorry I took so long to come back…I-…Negan, I was scared too”, you quietly mumbled, your voice breaking a little before you felt him shaking his head slowly against your shoulder.
“You’re back, damn, that’s all that matters to me”, he mumbled against the fabric, pulling you even closer as you got slowly lost in his comforting warmth.
You longed to simply stay like this forever, just not ever let go but there was a small part in the back of your head telling you that you couldn’t, you still had to get the rest that was still uncertain out of the world, you had to settle every little misunderstanding or issue, even if the temptation to just let him hold you through the whole night was growing with each second you spend longer this close to him.
And you could feel those exact thoughts running through his head too, letting him shift slightly as both of you seemed reluctant to break off the comforting hug.
”Still got some more shit to explain to you”, he finally muttered slowly, his voice clearly showing the reluctancy that was stuck within him before he gulped harshly as soon as you slowly leaned back, just enough to look into his eyes.
You could sense a little fear and nervousness dancing through his glance that just got a little less as you slowly nodded and gave him a soft ‘okay’.

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thewalkingdead-imagines:

Summary: After the fight, both, Negan and the Reader go through their personal hells. And while Negan is locked up in his cell, with his hopes for her return shrinking with each passing day, the reader fights a battle with herself until she encounters an unexpected helper.

This part is written alternating between both POVs and we finally got a bunch of appearances of the other characters again!

the last part / all other previous parts (None of the previous parts have to be read to understand the plot!)

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There he sat, completely quiet, with his eyes staring into the emptiness of the dark cell while the thoughts in his head were too loud to understand or even grasp any of them.
His knuckles were swollen, dark red blood shimmering on the thin skin, evidence of the times he had punched his fists against the cold, hard stone.
It hadn’t helped him to let out any of the frustration, anger, regret and disappointment that was filling his body all the way to the stop, it had just given him another pain adding to the one boiling within him.
It hadn’t been many, maybe two or three punches and by the second one he had already slumped against the wall, recognizing what had happened, what he had done, what he might have lost.
Hot tears had burned in his eyes waiting for their release, pants had left his lips along with growling curses that weren’t nearly able to express the mess that was going kamikaze in his mind.
And now, fuck now he was sitting slumped in on the cheap bed like some sorry fuck, his elbows digging into his thighs as his hands were buried in his hair, his eyes staring at the cement ground,  burning from the tears that had found their way earlier or later out of them, falling down his cheeks only to leave an uneasy and drying tension on his heated skin.
Last night around this time, she had laid in his arms, cuddled up to his side with her head resting on his chest, contently and steadily breathing in her peaceful sleep.
He had guessed these nights would be counted, but little had he known that it would be the last one.
He had fucked it up.
Again.
Big fucking time.

The first sun streams were beginning to fall into the room as your eyes slowly fluttered open, battered from the tears you had shed before falling exhaustedly asleep.
For the first seconds, you found yourself irritated, wondering why you were laying sprawled out on the bed in your old room instead of huddled up in Negan’s arms before your mind began to replay the events of the last night step by step, letting you live right through it again.
Negan’s burning jealousy of the guy you saw nothing else in than a friend, the way he had already looked at him as he had done his job as new guard and brought you down to the cell,  the suspense that had radiated through him just a while later, his loud, booming filled voice that was filled with anger and desperation, the accusation that you would leave him just like that earlier or later anyway for someone else outside, simply because he was stuck in this dark, cold cell.
A shiver ran through your body as soon as you found yourself shifting over the sheets, feeling how the clothes of the last day dug into your skin and reminded you even more of the fact that everything seemed to have changed.
For moments you just felt empty, completely and entirely empty, as if anything that had happened had just been a nightmare.
But it hadn’t, if it had, you’d find yourself in Negan’s arms right now, feel him kissing and cradling you, soothing you until you could fall asleep again instead of staying wide awake and alone in this large bed.
A weird mix of madness and pain was beginning to sneak up within you again, creating too many thoughts for you to process.
A tight breath left your lips as you pressed yourself into the soft pillows, suddenly tensing up as you heard Rick and Michonne’s voices echoing dully through the house, reminding you in the worst way possible that there was more for you to come.
They would notice that you had slept here instead of the cell.
They would ask questions.
They would know.
And you would have to go out there, continue your shifts at the infirmary as if nothing had happened, while all you wanted to actually do was bury your head under the sheets, press it into the pillows and never get out of them again or at least until every of your problems had magically vanished.

Quiet curses left your lips as you pushed yourself up into the pillows against the  headboard, hearing how their voices got more distant, letting you hope for a second that they would leave the house.
But just moments later this little hope got destroyed as you heard the cabinets in the kitchen cluttering, heard their voices continuing and heard one of them still strolling through the house.
Of course, they weren’t leaving yet, it was way too early, too early for them to leave, too early for the little time window you spent each morning in this house to happen, including getting ready for the day after spending the night at the cell.
So you couldn’t even pretend to have simply arrived earlier, not even after you felt yourself weighing out any possible explanation.
Your eyes darted at the small digital clock on the nightstand, trying to find out how much longer you could push it until you would have to do something if you didn’t want to be late for your shift and make everything even worse.

It took a few more minutes for you to lay in the bed, filling up with more thoughts and emotions with each moment until you got yourself to heft your still exhausted body up, make it walk until you could shed your clothes to get yourself under the shower.
It often helped washing a bit of stress off of you but all it did this time was setting you for moments into a dull trance, staring at the water and soap that were going in a little tornado down the drain.
You could feel the stream flowing down your skin, feel the drops hitting the back of your head as hard as the thoughts in your head seemed to pound against your skull.
It was odd how weirdly opposite emotions were able to mix.
The anger within you, paired with the disappointment about the things he had said, while on the other side your whole body and mind missed him deeply.
Around that time of the day, you’d usually still be laying in his arms after just waking up, feeling him drowsily mumbling his good mornings to you before pulling you once more closer into his embrace until he could brush his lips over your temple, kiss you and let you slowly start the day with him.
Yesterday, you had figured that at least after the first bumper caused by the guard change things would get back to normal, but little had you known that this had just been the beginning.
But that didn’t mean you would never have these mornings again, right?
After you would get those things out of the world, they’d come back…right?
If you would get those things out of the world.
But what if not?

A sharp, cutting breath fell from your lips as you caught an ice-cold shudder running down your spine by the thought, letting you recognize just now that tears had shot into your eyes, burning for their release.
“Fuck”, you scoffed, brushing the tears that were threatening to fall down your cheeks from your skin before you moved around to turn the shower off, frustrated that this had turned into the opposite of what you had hoped it would be.
Forcing yourself to suppress your up boiling emotions and thoughts for at least a small while you grabbed the towel, breathed deeply through and stepped out the shower.

You were pushing it, pushing the time, pushing yourself until you found yourself finally standing in front of the door, with the handle in your hand, still not knowing what the hell you should tell them if they asked questions even though you had racked your brain for the last while over it.
The creaking of the opening door eventually echoed horribly through your head as you made your way out of the room, hearing their voices somewhere downstairs while more shivering and tight breaths left your lips.
The stairs grid beneath your shoe soles as you made your ways down, growing more tense with each step until you finally got into the hallway, hoping that the both of them were busy making breakfast in the kitchen, maybe not even noticing you.
And you kept hoping this until the moment you suddenly saw a shadow spreading over the floorboards that were enlightened by the bright morning light, right before Rick stepped into the hallway, his hand holding a mug of coffee while he glanced still a little drowsy, but mostly confused at you.

Keep reading

Summary: When Negan escapes from his cell to find a way to a better future with the reader, he provokes a storm in Alexandria that gets the one person in trouble he wants to protect the most.

the last part / all other previous parts (None of the previous parts have to be read to understand the plot!)

image

Sleep was still lulling you into its depths as a low voice began to stream through to you, slowly tickling the consciousness awake.
Softly groaning your tired mind tried to sort the voice into a category as it sounded through your head once more, pushing you enough to the edge of wakefulness to let your eyes flutter slowly open.
Your view was blurry at first, only taking in the brown hair and hazy features of the man in front of you before it got clearer with each passing second.
“Miles?”, you groaned drowsily, wrinkling your brows in confusion before your head bounced into reality and made you remember where you were.
In a bed of the infirmary, not by Negan’s side in the cell.
Working all day and night before laying down to take a nap while all the patients were sleeping –
Shit.
“Oh crap, the patients”, you called out, standing almost straight in your bed as you were suddenly wide awake, cursing yourself for oversleeping.
You had laid down when it had been completely dark outside, now the morning sun was shining brightly through the windows, urging you to realize that your exhaustion had urged your body to take more sleep than you had planned.
“Its fine, they’re all still sleeping, and if they wake up, Karen’s already ready to take care of them. We’re taking over now, came back earlier from the run than we thought”, your co worker said, giving you a small smile as your muscles began to tense a little less and the adrenaline that had rushed through your veins decreased, “I just decided to wake you up so you know we’re back.”
“Okay, thank you…sorry though, just couldn’t keep my eyes open anymore and they were all asleep”, you mumbled, adjusting your clothes as you heft yourself up from the bed and have him an apologizing smile.
“Don’t worry, can’t blame it on you, keeping that thing here going all alone is one hell of a job, no wonder you needed a break”, he chuckled before he nodded towards the half open door, “You mind getting Karen and me up to speed? Then you’re all free for now.”

“And Will’s wound is doing better, still needs the salve Siddiq mixed for him though.. but that must be it”, you said as you found yourself standing ten minutes later in the kitchen of the infirmary while both of them listened to you as you finished going through the list of patients that laid in the beds of the infirmary.
“Great, then we see you back tomorrow, right?”, Karen asked with a smile, already grabbing some bandages while you gave her a small nod.
“Yeah, see ya”, you said back, grabbing your jacket while the anticipation begun to grow in your body, only rising as you finally stepped out onto the porch that was enlightened by the morning sun.
A soft breeze was brushing over your skin, bringing a little peace into your still tried body while a smile began to grow on your lips as you realized that only a few minutes parted you from huddling up to Negan.
You couldn’t wait to feel his arms wrapping around you, feel him tucking you in along with him beneath the blanket and nuzzle your nose into the warmth of his neck just so you could doze back off and get something of the sleep back you lost while treating the patients all night. Your thoughts only let the smile grow wider as you hopped down the stairs of the porch and made your way down the street, enjoying the warmth of the rising sun that danced over your skin.
A content sigh left your lips as you made your way further down the street, your eyes fixing on the path you were making every single day for the last seven years before a figure made its way into your field of vision that threw your good mood slowly off.
His face was twisted in anger, the eyebrows pulled into a tight curve, his eyes squinting even though it couldn’t cover the furiousness burning within them while his hands clutched a piece of paper while he stumped towards you.
For a moment, you questioned that Kent was walking towards you, wondering if it had to do anything with the bad news about Rosita and Eugene you had gotten yesterday but with each step he came closer, you excluded it more and more.
He was having you as his target, for whatever reason.
“You wanna tell me anything about this?!”, he growled, as only a couple feet parted you, the hand with the paper sheet rising up, almost holding it into your face as you glanced full of confusion at him.
“What is this?”, you only choked out watching as more fury spread over his features with each of your words.
“Are you fucking kidding me?”, he growled, his jaw clenching threateningly as he pushed the sheet finally into your hands.
“Laid on his bed in his cell, you wanna explain this?”
With now shaking hands you began to unfold the paper, still utterly confused and with the worst scenarios sneaking into your head before your eyes eventually scanned over the familiar handwriting that shook you to the core.

I’m coming back, Sweetheart. Gabriel let the door open and I had to take the damn chance. I’ll be fine, so don’t you worry your pretty head off. Don’t risk shit and come after me, just trust me. I’ll make it right for us.
Love you more than fucking anything.
– Negan

“He’s gone”, Kent spellt it out for you as an icy shudder ran down your back while your eyes went over and over along the lines, still feeling as if you were caught in a surreal dream instead of reality.
“You set this up with him? Pushing the fault on Gabriel? You-”, Kent growled out but instead of reacting to his accusations your mind ran past it, your head only twirling around Negan as you cut him off.
“He can’t be gone-…I-”, you stumbled, your fingers clamping on the edge of the sheet, your eyes still tracing over it over and over again while your throat was beginning to tighten as your body filled with worry and more confusion. Before you could even notice anything else you felt yourself moving past him, urged to see it for yourself, urged to go to the place you last saw Negan.
“Where the hell are you going?”, you heard the man snap, keeping up with you as you rushed down the still empty streets of Alexandria.
“I…I have to see this for myself.”

Your breath was shivering and harsh as you stumbled down the stairs, almost falling as you felt your legs becoming weaker with each step while your trembling hands still clutched the handwritten note.
Part of you still tried to convince yourself hat you were still laying in the bed at the infirmary your mind was only churning up an odd dream fueled by your body’s exhaustion but as soon as you stepped into the cellar even this part vanished into thin air.
The cell was empty.
For a moment you froze to the spot before you stumbled slowly into the cell, glancing around the room, at the bed where Kent had found the note you were holding in your hands as if your life depended on it.
“You’re gonna stop playing that game now?”, you heard Kent’s voice suddenly behind you, snapping you out of the trance the shock had kept you in while you first realized what he was accusing you off.
“I am not playing any game”, you choked out as you turned around, glancing into his furious eyes that contributed to the mess of emotions that was beginning to whirl faster through you,”How the hell should I’ve helped him?”
You could feel yourself torn up between the worry of what would happen now and the rising anger of Kent’s accusation, only fueled by a provoking rising of his eyebrows as if you were pulling an act on him.
“I haven’t seen him since yesterday midday, I was at the infirmary the whole time, ask the patients or Miles and Karen…”, you said, just as shaky as peeved, too shaken by what was happening around you to react to the mess he was trying to throw at you.
“Sure thing, (Y/N)”, he snapped sarcastically, shaking his head as he stared with you before he let out a thick huff and stormed up the stairs, following the voices that were beginning to grow louder outside the jail.
A shaky breath fell from your lips as you found yourself alone in the middle of the cell, still confused and as if you were stuck in a surreal dream.
You found yourself sitting down on his bed, staring at the note in your hands while reality began to sneak up on you and began to filter your emotions out of the mess that was whirling through you.
You weren’t mad at Negan, not at all. You’d always wanted him out of this cell, but with these circumstances right now, you were more worried than anything.
He was one strong and big man, but also one that hadn’t been outside for seven years and hadn’t even killed nor seen a walker since then. 
He was lacking practice and even though you trusted in his skills and determination, even the fittest fighters were able to get lost and hurt out there.
And that was the last damn thing you wanted.

For the first time in all these years, Negan could actually feel the sun shining down on him. Not just some light beaming through the windows of his cell, no, actual sunshine that seemed to surrounded all of him as he sat at the door of an empty caravan, chewing on some of the tomatoes he’d taken with him out of Alexandria. It wasn’t too much, but it was fine for the start.
Being outside was great, so damn great that it still felt little surreal even though he had to pay for it with a bittersweet taste that came along with the new grasped freedom.
He was alone, no living fuck anywhere around him and, and this bothered him much more right now, he still had to make a plan on how to act out what had actually made him leave the cell.
He still had to find a way to make it all right, to change his and her future into a brighter one than the one that had awaited them in the dark cell and fuck, he had to do so before anyone could find him outside here. They were probably all swarming out by now, trying to make up where he could go and how to catch him
All he hoped for at least was that they had found his letter and Gabey was man enough to admit that he had fucked up locking his cell door, putting no blame on his girl and leaving her the fuck alone.
A low groan left Negan’s lips as he swallowed the last piece to the tomato and washed it with the last gulp of water left in his bottle down, trying to shut down his worried thoughts and instead focus on his goal.
Pinching the bridge of his nose he breathed thoroughly out, clenching his jaw as he silenced his mind before a noise sounded through his head that he hadn’t heard in years.
A sickly sounding groan combined with snapping sounds of rotting teeth clashing on one another and low growls that were heralding the slowly approaching threat.
And even after all this time his instincts still reacted as fast as a lightning bolt striking through the air, forcing him to snap around as look into the dead eyes that were fixing on him.
A fucking dead asshole, with rotting skin dangling of its bones, threatening to fall off of it with every slurfing step it took as it rounded the caravan and snapped its jaw at Negan. Quickly, it elicited an annoyed huff to fall from his lips as he raised his body up and grabbed the shovel he took from Alexandria, ready to kill his first walker since seven years.

“It was my fault…I was thinking about Rosita-…I left the cell door open”, Gabriel’s voice sounded through the window in Negan’s cell through to you, eliciting a wave of relieve to wash over your body. For the last bit you’d only heard a bunch of people outside the cell wondering and theorizing about how Negan had escaped, some speaking in your favor while others were ranting about how it had only been a matter of time till you’d help him get out.
You hadn’t bothered to leave the cell and defend yourself once more, still too startled and worried to do much. 
A small part of what they said was right, you had lost some thoughts about letting him leave, but not out of spite towards the others, but for his wellbeing, especially during the time he had been nearly suicidal.
You’d always feared he’d fall into this hole again but no matter what you had thought, Negan had kept you from thinking any more about it than the bare minimum.
You could still hear him say he wouldn’t leave, even if you’d rip the door out of its angles, not wanting to risk your place in Alexandria and exchange it for a life on the run just so he could be a free man.
And he was right in the end, you’d always want him to leave the peaceful way, maybe get integrated into the community, no matter how surreal that seemed to the most.
Still, he was gone now.
Because it had been Gabriel to leave the door open, and not you.
A thick huff left your lips as you stared to your hands, hoping to grasp any sane thought even though the voices outside made thinking clearly even harder.
“We have to leave now and get him before Michonne returns. Can’t risk it.”
“Gotta plan it thoroughly. We need to have groups in all directions and with enough people…he’s an asshole but sly as a fox, we need to be sure to get him once we spot him.”
An ice cold shudder ran down your back as you listened to their voices, realizing once more that this was the bitter reality.
Of course they were gonna search for him.
A shivering sigh rumbled through your body as you sprung up, glancing through the windows that were showing you the Alexandrian’s that must have almost forgotten about you in their anger and almost panic.
They were still talking as they were slowly departing from the cell, making up a plan to catch Negan as fast as they could and with that, arguing about the one thing you couldn’t let happen.
No matter what Negan had asked you to do, no matter how much you liked to be able to stay back, trust him, follow his plea for once and hope that everything would just work out, you couldn’t.
You had to find him.
Before they did.

“Home, Sweet Home”, the words rolled from Negan’s lips smoothly as he finally stared at the familiar in front of him, the dark fabric that stood tall and impressive in front of him, like the stronghold it had always been.
His eyes wandered over his old home, the place that might help him to turn shit around for him and his girl now, all while a small grin forming on his lips for the first time in hours.
Till now, this fucking day hadn’t been much of a lucky one.
Killing walkers was as much of a pain in the ass as ever, especially when one of them lands on your supplies and taints them with its mushy and bloody fuckery of a body.
Drinking water out of a small river was a damn dumb idea too, that was noted in the back of his mind now as well, mostly after his body had cranked in disgust until all the shit that had swum in his stomach had left his body the wrong way out, and as a special treat, right at the damn clearing this whole shit had begun.
Fuck, he wasn’t even sure what had urged him there, regret, nostalgia, whatfuckingever, still the odds weren’t much in his favor and rather taunting to force him to throw up especially there.
Next damn thing had been a bunch of wild dogs that had almost torn him apart in a shop for clothes, ending up with him saving his ass in the very last minute.
But hey, at least he had a new fucking leather jacket, and damn that smooth shit felt so much better than that prison suit on his skin.
And now, it almost felt a little like it used too, a leatherjacket slung around his torso, a grin on his lips and a metal pipe resting on his shoulder like his dirty girl had used to.
Maybe this old place could help him with a new start.
Maybe this could be it.
Maybe.

A few food cans were clicking in your backpack, the knife tightly in your hands as you shuffled from the road first into the woods, hoping that the other Alexandrian’s wouldn’t directly see you and keep you from searching for him.
You stayed at its edge though, enough to see the road to keep track on where you were heading while you made your way through the undergrowth, each step determined.
He could be going anywhere judging from his note that seemed to say much by saying nothing concrete at all as well, for obvious reasons, still, your head was working on full speed, trying to figure out where to go, where to search for him.
He wanted to change something, for you two, so maybe he was going back to the root of it all to find a start.
The Sanctuary.
“(Y/N)”, a familiar voice made you flinch, echoing from the road through the trees as it let you immediately flinch up and turned your head towards its source.
“Judith? What are you doing outside?”, you choked out the moment you saw the girl standing on the blacktop, glancing at you while she clutched the heavy colt in her hands. 
“Same as you, I guess”, she said, shrugging her shoulders as you sighed and climbed out of the undergrowth of the woods, glancing to your sides to see if she was alone before a thicker huff left your lips.
“Judith, you can’t go out alone, what if-”
“Well now I’m not alone anymore, right?”, she said, nodding towards you and actually eliciting a small chuckle off your lips before you stepped closer to her, torn between what to do now before you already saw her changing the look in her eyes, almost as if she could guess that you’d tell her to let you take her home, to not get her into even more danger than she already was by simply being outside.
“I won’t go back…and I still got something to tell you”, she said, glancing up from beneath her Sheriff’s hat as you let out another sigh.
“Judi-”
“I let him go”, she mumbled, widening your eyes only with this small sentence as he pressed her lips sheepishly on one another before raising her voice again.
“I saw him climbing over the wall…he promised me not to hurt anyone, not even if they’d tried to hurt him…so I let him leave”, she said, huffing softly as her fingers fumbled on the metal of her gun, “He said he’ll make everything alright for you both, that’s why he had to go.”
A heavy breath fell from your lips as you listened to her, hearing those words again that fitted to the one on the note that were stuffed into the pockets of your pants.
“Maybe I can help you find him before the others, so you can talk to him”, she said, glancing up at you with that look that told you that she wouldn’t take a ‘no’ nor would she let you walk her home, back to Alexandria that must be about an hour march away by now.
“Okay…but you’ll stay right by my side”, you eventually said reluctantly after a couple moments of pondering and hoping that you’d be earlier back than Michonne before you watched a smile spreading over the girl’s lips.
“Great!”, she exclaimed, a wide smile spreading over her lips as she grabbed her colt tighter, held her hat with the other hand and began to sprint forward over the street, leaving your side within seconds.
“You’re coming?”, she called the next moment, turning around to look smiling but challenging at you before you couldn’t hide a grin as you shook your head and let out a small laugh.
“What did I just say?”

This wasn’t what he had wanted, not even what he had fucking expected the he had stood outside, all enthusiastic and hopeful too see his old home after all this time again. But there he was now, sitting in the great hall of the Sanctuary, or rather of what was left of it. 
It looked like nothing ever had happened here, as if this factory had been empty from the moment on the world had gone to shit.
As if no people had ever buzzed through this hall, working and selling their goods.
As if he had never held meetings in the room far up in the Sanctuary’s floors.
As if there never had been life inside these walls.
As if everything he had worked for and built up had never taken place. 

He didn’t even know what he had exactly expected when he had arrived here, after seven and a fucking half years. He’d known a couple things, the stuff (Y/N) had heard and told him, but even she hadn’t known everything about this place, nor its downfall. 
But here, here was nothing left. No person alive, just dead fuckers and one of his former lieutenants who had also seemed to have kicked the bucket years ago.
But shit, at least he’d stayed till the very end…oppositely to everybody else.
A thick gulp traveled down Negan’s throat as he glanced around from his crouched position on the couch in the middle of the hall at the furniture he had found sprawled out across the place and which was now aligned to a small room, almost as big as his cell back in Alexandria.
He couldn’t deny that part of him had hoped that moving things around and creating a little space with them would elicit a feeling of comfort in him, but there was nothing.
Just emptiness.
The ring for his girl he had stuffed into his pant’s pocket before escaping his cell was pressing now into his skin, as if it was trying to remind him that it was still present, urging and pushing his mind to rotate over and over again, churning him up from the very inside.
He’d really hoped he’d find something here that could help him change the situation, change their future and make it better, whatever the hell it might be.
But with nothing left here, his hopes seemed to dangle on a thin thread, daring to tear each other second.
Running his hand over his face, along the scruffy salt and pepper beard and over his mouth that had changed from a grin back into a form that looked like the one of a pissed off but especially sad smiley, he glanced around once more, feeling how a thick lump was forming in his throat, growing along with his desperation.
No matter how much he wished for some solution to pop up in his head, for this place to change into something better just like the future he had longed for, he realized with every minute he spent within these walls that there was none.
Not outside here at least.
Here was nothing to built up on, nothing but dead fuckers and ruined buildings.
He hated to admit it, hated even more that this was the painful truth, but there was not only more for him back in Alexandria, but also more for her, for them both.
He had to go back.

“Oh no”, you huffed as you spotted the approaching four walkers between the trees, stumbling through the undergrowth you were making your way through along with Judith.
“I’ll help”, she said as soon as you grabbed your knife, keeping it tightly in your hands before you turned around and glanced right at her.
“Oh no, I know you can do this but there’s enough trouble going on right now. I won’t get you into any more danger”, you said, trying to work against her stubborn little head while the groans of the dead got louder, “Those aren’t that many, I can take care of them, just stay here.”
You saw her nodding for a moment, right before your glance stayed a little longer on her before you turned back around and stepped towards the growling walkers that were already stretching their rotting arms out for you.
With a huff you grasped the wooden handle of the knife tighter, stepping closer towards the first dead one as you kicked its weak legs back, snapping them by the knees into half and forcing it to stumble back into the ground, harmless enough for you to step over it and drive your knife into its skull.
Sighing heavily you marched towards the other three, while you heard an approaching engine in the distance that pushed itself into your head as you made your way closer to the walkers.
It were probably Alexandrians on their way to search for Negan, and while the thought of them finding him brought nausea over you again you forced yourself to concentrate on the threat right in front of you.
You were swinging in a deadly trance as you fought walker after walker, panting as you struggled a little with the last and tallest one until its body finally got limp and fell lifeless to the ground.
Just as you caught your breath again and shook the blood of the knife, ready to turn around to Judith your body flinched up in shock by the sound of a gunshot echoing through the air.
Gasping for air you turned around, already seeing what you had expected, Judith was gone, and so was her colt, the gun that had to be responsible for the shot.
“Fuck!”, you cursed loudly, filled with desperation and worry as you glanced around, trying to retrieve the source of the shot before you saw her standing on the blacktop of the road, a good bit away from your position in the woods, her body crouched, as if she was talking to someone or something on the ground.
“Goddamn it”, you cursed under your fastening breath, already imagining the worst as you rushed through the undergrowth, trying to stay upright and not to trip over every root and bush in your way.
You were only a few dozen meter away from reaching the blacktop as you finally saw a figure appearing beside her, tall and broad, right before this figure became a person whose appearance took your breath away once more.
“Negan”, you breathed out, still not fully believing your eyes as your footsteps fastened, almost entangling with the undergrowth as you rushed through it until you reached the wood’s edge with a harshly beating heart and relief that began to wash all over you.
You mumbled his name again the moment your eyes finally caught his, softening them as you watched a smile growing on his lips, pushing his dimples forward beneath the salt and pepper stubble.
“You’re okay”, you mumbled with another relieved sigh, rushing towards him, lost in your emotions until you could finally feel his arms wrapping around your body and pulling you close against his.
“Yeah..’cept for that this little lady shot me off the damn motorcycle”, you heard him mumble into your hair with a low chuckle, right before the adrenaline in your veins sunk a little and you began to combine what had just happened and look around you.
Not only Negan was here, clad into a new leather jacket instead of the prison suit, there was also a motorcycle almost laying beside the road, its frontwheel still spinning slightly from the sudden impact it had gone through by Negan’s fall after Judith’s shot.
“Jud-”, you called out, spinning in his arms around to her before he pulled you closer and made you look at him, calming you a little with his touch that felt soothing after the distress and nerve-racking emotions the day had put you through till now.
“She told me she’d shoot if she’d see me again here so…”, he mumbled with a chuckle, shrugging his shoulders slightly before you heard the voice of the girl sounding through the air again.
“I’ll give you a second…”
“But don’t go too far, okay? Can’t have you slipping away again…I just don’t want you hurt, Judith”, you said, giving her a caring but warning look in response to what had happened just minutes ago before she nodded, this time more genuinely, before grabbing her colt and walking a bit until plunging down onto the edge of the blacktop.
Breathing throughly through you forced your glance from Judith and instead closed your eyes as you hugged Negan back again, nuzzling your nose into his neck while you could feel more and more burden falling off your shoulders until his voice rumbled through to you.
“You’re not mad at my ass?”
“No…you just scared the shit out of me, you got no idea how many of them are out here searching for you”, you muttered back, sighing quietly as you huddled up to him ,”I’m just so glad you’re fine.”
For another moment he stayed quiet, just cradling you and allowing you to calm down until your mind was less of a mess again before he shifted uncomfortably.
“Sweetheart?”, he mumbled, pushing you with the tension in his voice to make you dive out of his neck’s curve and look into his eyes ,“I’m going back”
“What?”, it directly jumped out of your lips, eliciting confusion once more as you stared blankly at him.
In your euphoria you hadn’t even wasted a thought to what was coming next, if he was staying outside, what he had wanted to do for the both of you or if he had a new plan, but even though you could have imagined many answers, going back wasn’t one of the first ones you thought of.
“Cell and all…I’m going back to Alexandria”, he added, clearly and determined, leaving no space for doubt even though confusion was still keeping all of your facial expression hostage.
“I uhm…I thought I could change something”, he mumbled, sighing as he stared for a moment into the woods before his glance met yours again,”For us…get us that damn future we’ve been thinking’ ‘bout.”
A weak, even sad smile was growing on his lips, catapulting your thoughts to your talks about the wishes the cell wouldn’t let you fulfill.
”Now I know I…I know I can’t”, he mumbled, gulping thickly as his voice was filled with pain and defeat while a heavy breath rumbled through his his chest.
“Sanctuary’s gone…all of it…and-…fuck, there’s no damn other way out here for me to prove to them that I ain’t belong into that cell”, he said, trying to keep himself talking while you just looked at him, allowing him to get everything off his chest that needed to leave.
“And I won’t bring you out here into this shit world for sure. Not you…not anything that could ever be on the way”, he mumbled with another sad smile, caressing the side of your stomach before he sighed once more and clenched his jaw uneasily, “There’s no future out here…I gotta accept that.”
“In Alexandria, hell I know you’re safe, I know you got a doc when you need one, got shit to fill your stomach”, he chuckled softly as he rose his voice again, trying to lift both of your moods as a small grin slipped into the sad smile,”And I got some gossip at my little window, and that’s better than those fuckin’ dead asshats tryin’ to turn my ass into a snack.”
“Are you sure?”, was the first thing to slip out of your lips as you were glancing concerned at him, “I don’t want you to feel like you gotta go back just for me…I don’t want that.”
“It’s all fine, Sweetheart. Trust me, it’s fine”, he said the moment your voice hushed, leaving you no space to argue his decision. For another moment, you looked at him, watching his reaction, the glance that was filled with genuineness and muscles that were relaxed, as if he was at peace with his choice. 
“And who knows…maybe I get the chance to prove other shit”, he mumbled, tipping in to plant a small kiss on your lips before backing away and capturing your eyes once more, “I’m not givin’ up on our future, just gotta find a different way.”
Softly, you nodded, still trying to sort the mess in your head that slowly got less entangled by the relief that washed more and more through your veins.
“And at least I got a new leather jacket, knew you were always a sucker for that”, he added with another low chuckle, eliciting to let a soft laugh fall from your lips as well before another voice made you turn around.
“Are you ready? Can we go home?”, Judith asked, glancing at you out of a little distance before you gave her a smiling nod and stepped finally out of Negan’s embrace.
“Yeah, we can go home”, you said, seeing a small smile growing on her lips as well before she turned around and marched forward, the sheriff hat on her head swinging a little from side to side as it was still way too large before your eyes detached from her and found Negan again.
“Everything will work out just fuckin’ fine”, he mumbled, taking his first steps to follow Judith and grasping your hand in the process, engulfing it in his large palm and squeezing it softly, letting you hope that he was right, letting you hope that there was no aftermath to his escape, letting you hope for your future.

(The gif isn’t mine/ it was originally posted by dancing-at-the-funeralparty)
tagging:

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After Negan feels pushed to set another example in Alexandria, Rick forces his daughter to make a final decision

Negan x Reader/Rick’s daughter

part 1 part 2 part 3 part 4 (none of these have to be necessarily read to understand the plot of the following part)

image

Your pulse pounded in your ears and the shots from moments before still sounded cruely through your head as you ran out of the house, Carl close on your heels as you stumbled down the porch and sprinted towards the sound’s source.
Your eyes were searching for an answer outside, for an answer to these shots before your heart stopped as you heard Negan’s voice.
“Are you people fucking kidding me?”, He roared through the air before your eyes caught his tall figure standing over a crouched, dark haired man.
He had to be Robert, judging from his clothes and the messy hair cut but your focus was only laying on him for some more seconds before you glanced at Carl, who you had tried to convince that the man who was raising his bat into the air in these moments wasn’t the monster he saw in him.
“Now I knew you fuckers were a pain in my ass but this-”, he pointed his bat at the kneeling man, “This is beyond fuckin’ stupid. What kinda dumb asshole thinks tryin’ to shoot my men is gonna work the fuck out.”
A cool shudder ran over your back as you slowly began to get the scene in front of you, before an even colder, even icy one spread all over your body as you realized what Negan was gonna do.
He was gonna make an example out of him.
He was gonna punish him.
But would he really?
After everything that had already happened for your family and community to hate him?
Would he?
“Now Rob here for sure knew what was comin’ to him when he was gonna get caught! Sure, you did, huh?”, Negan called sarcastically out as he nudged Lucille’s end against the man’s shoulder.
Fuck, he was gonna do it.
But would he go all the way?
Your heart seemed to pound its way up into your throat, taking away your ability to breath as your glance wandered from Negan to your father who was suddenly stepping into the wide circle of people that was building up around the scene.
“I don’t wanna do this, fuck no I don’t. But you fuckers really don’t give me a choice. I need you to get that those fuck things are a big ass no-no. Thought we’d be finally on a path of understanding, apparently we’re not”, Negan growled, his eyes staring at the ground as he didn’t seem to notice that you were part of the circle, too caught up in his rage.
“Well, then back fuckin to it.”
And just like that, your heart stopped with the next scene.
With the swing.
With the blood.
With the cracking skull.
With the screams.

Your whole mind seemed to shut down as you watched Negan leaning back, saw the blood dripping from his bat and captured the dead body laying on the ground.
You couldn’t stop tears from welling up in your eyes as you caught from their corners how Carl stared at what laid in front of him, how everything you had just tried to tell him was vanishing from his mind.
He had been willing to talk to you like a fucking normal human being instead of treating you like a traitor as everyone else and now, fuck now there was no way this was gonna stay this way.
You could only see your Dad storming from the circle before your glance wandered to Negan, blurred by the welled up tears as your eyes caught his.
His face fell in the matter of seconds, the mask like mix between a grin and frown falling right off his muscles as you could see the panic growing in his eyes that rushed restlessness over his body.
But before you could concentrate more on him, could see what he would do next you felt your body urging you forward out of the circle as you saw from afar how your father stormed into your home.
You had to go after him.
You had to.
You couldn’t keep on standing here, hoping that this was just an awful nightmare.
Your heart pumped against your chest as if it tried to break out of your ribcage as soon as you could feel yourself rushing over the blacktop, trembling as your mind skipped through all kind of horrifying scenarios you could imagine.
Would your Dad lose control now?
What if he would make an impulsive move?
What if this whole shit would turn into an even bigger bloodbath?
Your thoughts got cut off from nausea that began to capture your body, settling into you as the panic turned your view almost blurry while you tried to make your way up the porch, horrified with what could happen next.

Footsteps rumbled down the staircase as you stepped into the house, the door falling with a loud thud into its lock before your widened eyes caught your father stumbling down the stairs, a big sports bag in each of his hands.
“Dad? What are you doing? What-?”, you choked out, your heart still beating as fast as a hummingbird’s wings as he tossed the bags to the ground.
“You need to make a decision”, he said, his voice swinging between utterly stern and on the edge of an emotional outburst,”I can’t do this anymore. Either you break things up with him or you’ll have to go.”
“What?” Dad I-”, your voice got cut off by the growing lump in your throat as you stared with watery eyes at him while he clenched his jaw, coldness spreading over his features, freezing them with each passing second more.
“If you decide for him, take them and leave the house now”, he said, exhaling thickly as you couldn’t get a single word out,”And don’t come back wailing when you finally get who he really is.”
He ran a palm over his beard stubble, glancing from the bags to you as a pinch of hopefulness flared up within them.
“If you decide for us, I’ll carry those bags back up and all will be fine.”
“Dad, you can’t mean this”, you said, your voice thick with emotion and disbelief as the first tears threatened to roll down your cheeks ,”Dad, please don’t make me do this.”
“I have to, I have to-”, he called out, anger and pain mixing in his glance as more panic rose in your body, seeping slowly but surely in each and every of your cells. 
“No, no you don’t”, you said, your lips trembling as you felt the first tears falling while this all felt like a horrible hallucination. 
“You’ve just seen what he did! Again!”, he called out, his finger shooting up as he pointed it outside, while thick pants shook his chest while more and more tears began to make its way down your skin, blurring your view and wetting your face.
“And don’t tell me you love him, don’t you tell me that!”, he shouted now, the anger overcoming the pain as his face grew blood red ,”He’s a monster! And nothing, nothin else!”
You stared at him, startled by his words and by the events that had happened outside just now as your whole body trembled like aspen leaf and your mind sunk into the absolute mess of emotions and thoughts.
“But I do”, you choked out, staring into the eyes of your father that darkened even more with just these three words,”And I love you and Carl and Judith too, I just-”
You hoped he’d say something else.
You hoped he’d take those words back and let you stay.
You hoped he wouldn’t make you choose.
But he didn’t, he didn’t say more nor did he take anything back, he just stared panting at you.
And he made you choose.
He actually made you choose between him and the others, and Negan.
“I can’t”, you choked quietly out, your voice paired with a whimper as you stared at the packed bags.
“You have to…there’s no other way.”
You couldn’t leave Negan, not even after what had happened.
You could rip his head off right now for pulling such a show but you still loved him, no matter if you were cursing yourself for it in these moments.
Besides, you knew what your own father had done as well, what he was capable of.
He wasn’t doing it the way Negan did, but that didn’t make it any less cruel.
But could you leave your family?
It wasn’t even about your father, it was about your half brother and Judith as well, you couldn’t just leave them could you?
But Negan-
You could think over and over it again and there wouldn’t be a sane way to choose, a better way to choose.
You loved both, Negan and your family, but in the end, there was only one difference that finally pushed you over the edge to make a decision.
“Only because you were the one making me choose”, you heard your own voice say, almost as if it didn’t belong to you while you reached out for the bags, lifting them with a sniffling groan before you glanced a last time at your Dad.
Part of you hoped he would stop it now, tell you that he was only bluffing you but instead, he didn’t say a single word.
He just stared at you, cooly, still you could see him breaking beneath the the stare that broke your own heart all over again.
You choked on your tears as you turned around, your shoulder slumped in by the weight of the bags and the pain that shook through your body.

The air outside hit your wetted face as you tried to lift your arm, leaning your face down to brush the tears of your face, hoping that the most people would have gone back into their houses.
They had, all of them except a couple that were still huddled around the bloody corpse on the blacktop.
You stumbled past them, with as much distance between you as you could manage, balancing on the side of the road while the belts of the bags cut into your hands until you could swear they were red swollen.
Sniffles still left your lips as you tried to pull yourself together, catching how the gates came closer and closer, right along with the trucks and the tall figure right beside them, in the midst of his men that were swarming into the cars.
You didn’t want to face them, not even face him right now but you had to, there was no other way.
So you walked closer, feeling the bags growing heavier until you could feel pairs of eyes falling onto you, forcing you to look up as well. First, you met a couple unknown eye pairs, only familiar from the visits to Alexandria, then, then your glance fell on a hazel pair of eyes as you forced yourself to keep walking.
“Get in the fuckin’ trucks, now”, you only heard him roar, not taking his eyes off you while the people around you began to disappear.
Still, you could see his brows puckering, his lips falling a little open in confusion as soon as you stepped closer towards Negan who stood right by the entrance of his truck.
“He made me choose”, was the only thing you managed to bring out, your voice more strained than you had thought.
“What did you-”
“What does it look like?!”, it suddenly snapped out of you, not as harsh as you intended it to be but as pain drowned as you actually felt in these moments.
A big but whimpering sigh left your lips as you tried to grip the bags tighter that threatened to fall right as you caught Negan reaching towards them.
“Lemme take-”
“Don’t touch me”, you hissed shakily, pushing yourself past him without looking once more at him.
Instead, you forced yourself further to the open door until you could step upwards, gritting your teeth as you lifted the bags one by one and finally slipped into the truck’s inside.
“Fuck”, you cursed shivering as you tossed the bags down, pushing them as far as you could with your feet to the side before you felt something warm grasping your wrist and turning you around.
“(Y/N)-”
“Why Negan? Why did you have to put on a big fucking show?!”, it bursted out of you as soon as your eyes caught the man in front of you who let go of your wrist and instead shook his head and sighed out.
“That guy shot at my fucking men.”
“You could’ve punished him else! You didn’t have to bash his fucking head in front of fucking everyone! You knew what they were already thinking about us being together, you knew-”, you scoffed out, cutting yourself off as your was voice growing louder and weaker at the very same time while Negan stared at you in the dim light of the truck, his brows puckering stronger as he clenched his jaw.
“I needed to do it, I don’t get fucking joy from that crap! I needed to so this shit won’t fucking happen again!”, he defended himself, while the whole reality began to hit you, urging tears back into your eyes while the desperation grew and grew within you.
“You don’t get it, huh?”, you said with a trembling tone that threatened to let your voice fall apart while feeling how the lump that was growing in your throat pressed in on you,”I was just trying to tell Carl that you’re not as bad as they think, that you’re a good damn man and then you come around to prove the fucking opposite!”
“I was just about to find a way to them again”, you added, sniffing as you stared to the ground not bearing to look at him as more tears filled your eyes ,”And now it’s worse than ever.”
You pressed your eyes shut, damning those tears as the frustration took hold of you, turning you inside out as you shoved your shoe’s tip angrily into the wood of the truck’s floor, “I’m so fucking dumb for loving you.”
It got completely silent for a moment before you heard Negan exhaling shakily, letting you glimpse sniffling up for a moment as you caught his eyes fixing on you, while your blurred view caught the pain your words had elicited whirling within them.
“Well, then maybe you should’ve chosen them”, his voice was firm but it didn’t take a genius to hear the little tremble and hurt through it before his heavy footsteps sounded through the truck.
Unable to think clear, nor to figure out if you should be even more angry or pay attention to the pain that sneaked up within you by the hurt in his voice you shifted on your feet, trying to still the storm in your head.
“D.J.? Get your ass over here you’re driving that truck now”, you heard Negan roar outside the window as you finally got yourself from the spot you had seemed to be glued on and plop yourself onto the bench at the truck’s side.
The wood creaked beneath the thin cushion as you shifted, staring onto the ground and resting your elbows on your knees while you caught from the corner of your eyes how first Negan let himself fall onto the passenger seat and then  how his savior took his place in front of the steering wheel.
Quickly, you concentrated your eyes onto the ground, onto the wooden panels, the creaks within them and the dirt that stuck in the crannies.
You didn’t want to see the gates open and neither did you want to see you driving out of it, all you wanted right now was to tune out and dive into some other kind of world far, far away from here were everything was fine.
You knew when the engine started and the truck began to roll that you’d be leaving Alexandria without knowing when you’d come back, if you could ever come back.
You were leaving your home there, the home where no-one wanted you anymore, the home that wasn’t even your home anymore.
Your home was the Sanctuary now, wasn’t it?
The place you had only once seen from afar, had never even been inside and just knew from Negan’s stories. 
People do make a home, you knew this very well, but the only person who would turn the factory into a home for you was Negan, the man you’ve had a fight with just now and-

Shit, yes, that’s really what it was, shit.
Pure, steaming shit that embodied your life right in these moments.

You stayed this way, with slumped shoulders, sniffling and noticing how Negan turned in his seat to check on you every once in a while.
The ride was long and bumpy, the air was growing colder as the sun began to slowly move on and sink closer and closer towards the horizon while the effect it had on your body didn’t take long to set in.
The exhaustion the stress had put on your shoulders already had an ugly effect on you but the coldness now slipped beneath your clothes and seeped into your skin, bringing back the shivers that had just began to become smaller.
“Shit”, you scoffed quietly and almost inaudible beneath your breath, shifting over the uncomfortable becoming bench before you caught something moving in the front of the truck.
You didn’t look up, still the corners of your eyes caught how Negan stood up from his seat, the wood squeaking in protest as he was moving into the back of the truck, passing you even though it felt like his glance was brushing over your figure.
He was roaming around somewhere in a box in the back, huffing a little here and there while you could feel yourself growing slightly restless, asking yourself what the hell he was doing there.
“There you are”, you heard Negan sigh after a couple more moments, quiet and almost as if he was talking to himself before you could hear the footsteps again,  even see him from the corner of your eyes but instead of passing, he stopped in front of you, not more than a few feet parting you.
“You’re freezing…”, you heard him mumble, the sternness from before gone and replaced with worry while you could finally see what he was carrying in his hands as he was letting half of it fall to spread out. A blanket, thick and warm, probably exactly meant for cold and long nights in the truck.
He waited another moment, as if he was checking if you were gonna snap at him or push him away but right now, you were only waiting about what he was gonna do yet, way too exhausted to start the fight anew.
”I’m sorry…for it all”, he mumbled with a sigh, slowly coming closer as your eyes still didn’t look up at him,”And I didn’t mean to say that…”
He was growing quiet for another moment before he raised the blanket a little, enough to turn it and drop it carefully around your shoulders, “I’d be a broken damn mess if you’d decided against me.”
You weren’t looking up at him right away, still you could feel a little warmth arise in your body, working on you and your whirling mind that just wanted to be at peace again.
“I love you and hell, I wish I could make it all right for ya…I’m trying to balance this thing too, y’know…keeping this whole thing running and giving us two-”, he stopped, sighing deeply out, waiting for seconds as if he was trying to grasp words and put them into the right sentences, “Now I get that I sucked at doing that job today and I’m damn sorry for it…never intended it to happen this way…I just…hell I struggled, hard.”
You could tell he was trying his best to say what he was feeling, trying to show you his position of the things and part of you did see it bright and clear while the other was still drowning in the pain of being forced to choose.
“I get that you’re mad at me, I do and hell you got all right to be pissy at me just…just know that I didn’t do all that to make it harder for us…I just wanted to do the right damn thing and face planted it into a fuckin’ pile of shit”, he said, shifting from foot to foot as the truck was driving over a bit bumpy road, “Just know that you’re my damn top priority, no matter what.”
You caught him sighing, saw him fumbling on his fingers as one of his hands moved up, as if he was stroking over his beard, waiting if you would give him a response and just as you already saw him beginning to move back to the front seat, the stubbornness in you gave in to the pain.
“I don’t know what to do”, you choked out as you glanced for the first time since the plopping down on this bench at him, feeling how the lump was right back in your throat  as soon as his hazel eyes fixed on yours.
God, you just wanted it all to be right, yes, part of you was still mad at him for what he had done back in Alexandria, while another part deep down in you knew that this had in the end just shot out the process.
Besides whatever could have happened with Carl, your Dad would have exploded earlier or later.
You had seen it seething in him like a volcano for the last weeks, only slowing down its fuming when the accident had happened but except for that…a bit of you had always known and feared that it would go wrong some day.
And he would have made you choose, earlier or later.
The stress and exhaustion was pressing in on you again, bringing the agony back and pushing you further to the edge as you saw Negan’s eyes softening in worry.
“I also didn’t mean to say I’m dumb for loving y-…. I just-”, you began, unable to finish as your body finally gave in to the pressure of the lump and set the welling tears in your eyes free and elicited a sob from your already sore throat.
“Oh shit, Baby…c’mere”, you heard him sigh concerned, falling down onto the bench next to you, waiting for a second to find out if you were letting him before you felt him wrapping his arms around you.
You sunk into his embrace, feeling how he pulled you into his lap as more sobs and whimpers erupted your body as they brought all of the pain back up to the surface.
”I couldn’t even say goodbye to Carl and Judith, I-”, you sobbed as your head sunk into the curve of his neck, your tears quickly beginning to wet the fabric of his shirt as he pulled you closer, cradling you in his arms.
“Shh..”, he hummed against your skin as he leaned his head against yours, pressing a kiss to your forehead as you caught for air between the sobs.
“This is…this is exactly what I never wanted to happen”, you whimpered, feeling him exhaling deeply as you clung to his chest, memories flooding your mind of the fears you’ve had when your relationship had still been a secret.
You had to lie back then, and you’d hated every second of it, but at least you had both.
At least you had Negan and your family, without more hatred and agony swirling in the crack that was already between them.
Now, well now everything was even more messed up than it had already been.
”I know this is all fuckin’ crappy, I know…”, he mumbled, not only worry but also guilt swinging through his voice as he nuzzled his nose into your hair, holding you a little closer while he wrapped the blanket a bit tighter around your shivering frame,”But things will get better…we’ll figure this out.”
You were still sniffling and whimpering as you felt him holding you tighter, trying to calm you while more and more of the burden that had lasted on your shoulders got released and turned you into a bigger mess with each passing second.
You tried to let Negan’s words work on you, you really did but you were too deeply stuck in your own sorrow to make your sobs and cries stop yet.
So you only sunk deeper into his embrace, trying to concentrate on his deep voice, his warmth and his calming scent, hoping that your body and mind would give in to it earlier or later.

”We’re almost there”, you heard Negan mumble after a good while, when your breath was all calm and steady, and the shivers and sobs had stopped to erupt your body. Slowly, you were shifting your head a little out of the curve of his neck, enough so you could glance forward, straight through the large front window of the truck.
It was growing dark, still you could see what was beginning to appear behind the horizon the crowns of the trees were creating.
The Sanctuary, just like you remembered it from the one time you had seen it. Tall, dark and with a presence radiating from it as if it stood over each and everything.
So there it was.
Your new home.

tagging:

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(In case you want to be tagged or untagged for specific things or everything I write, just let me know! Also: The gif is not mine, I got it from google so credit to the original owner)

Summary: After the endless seeming days after the fight full of worrying and missing Negan, the Reader returns to his cell to finally make up with him.

Warning: a bit smut

the last part / all other previous parts (None of the previous parts have to be read to understand the plot!)

image

“You came back.”

You felt like you could still hear those words echoing through the cell as the metal bar door crushed into its lock behind you and Rick’s heavy footsteps began to descend until they hushed completely.
Negan stood still there like glued to the spot, his bare feet pressing against the cold cement ground while his eyes were wandering over your face, nearly analyzing it, as if he couldn’t believe you were actually there, as if you were more of a mirage the loneliness of the prison had forced him to imagine.
His face was taken hostage by a wild mix of emotions, ranking from surprise and disbelief that let the muscles of his face fall flat, to happiness that curled the slightly open gaping lips just a little but softly up, to uncertainty that was letting his brows twitch for a short moment.
“Yeah”, you mumbled softly as you were finally able to open your mouth, feeling  how all those emotions that were written over his face were running through your veins too.
You had missed him, you had known that before, that much that it had felt like a pain able to wrench you apart, but now that you were seeing him, not more than a few meter away from you, you realized it once more.
As soon as your voice had hushed, Negan’s eyes ran slowly south, down until they suddenly captured your wrist, catching the absence of the bracelet, of his gift.
His eyes widened slightly in the matter of milliseconds, a harsh gulp travelled down his throat while his body tensed up as if the blood in his veins had frozen.
You’d bet that normally, he’d just be confused if he was seeing you without it but now, now this had to seem like you were there for the beginning of the end.
”I didn’t take it off. It broke..happened at the infirmary, I-”, you mumbled, feeling how the tension got a hold of you as well, your eyes wandering consistently over his face only to be stopped as you saw it softening again in relief.
It got silent for a few seconds, both of you unsure what to do, what to say before a shivering breath fell from his lips as his head dropped slightly, before he swallowed harshly and glanced slowly back up to you.
”I-…fuck”, he scoffed, only stepping slowly closer before his hand was reaching up to stroke uneasily over his thick salt and pepper stubble before he tried to rally himself and find the right words.
”I don’t think little of you, I don’t fucking…I’m just, fuck”, he scoffed, his jaw clenching tightly as he took a deep breath before his eyes found yours again, eliciting a warmth to slowly sneak up in you that got suddenly larger with the next few words ,”I can’t lose you. I’m just so damn fucking scared of it that I-”
“Shit, that’s why I freaked out when that Caleb fucker-. Fuck, I was jealous, I know, fucking sick to the fucking stomach jealous. But not ‘cause I don’t trust you or think you’ll take the easy damn way and just piss off…I’m just shitless fucking terrified.”
“I-”, he sighed deeply, obviously showing that he wanted to say and explain more, push those words out that seemed to be like stuck to the back of his throat while you could feel that they wouldn’t get out before each of you got some of the tension out of your bodies.

You weren’t even sure how it exactly happened, somehow your body took over your mind for a moment and only let it come back as soon as only centimeters parted you, your eyes met for the split of a second before your arms wrapped slowly around his neck, a little cautious about his possible reaction before this caution got quickly pushed out of your mind as soon as you could feel his strong arms wrapping around you.
First slow, as if he was still expecting you to pull away before he got his confidence back as he felt you slowly melting against him.
His embrace got tighter, his arms cradled you closely against his chest as your face leaned against his neck, taking in his familiar scent and finally feeling his warmth surrounding and lulling you in again.
God, had you missed this.
It had been three days, nothing much if circumstances were normal, but with the fight and the uncertainty of the future swinging threateningly through each passing moment, those three days had felt like a painful eternity.
Your bodies clung to one another, almost as if you were afraid the other one would vanish as soon as you’d let go just a little bit.
It took only moments for his head to drop to your shoulder, before his nose nuzzled slowly into the fabric of your shirt, breathing thoroughly in and out as he cradled you even tighter against his broad chest.

”I missed you…so fucking much”, he finally mumbled, and even though his voice got muffled by your shirt you could still hear the mass of emotions that was streaming through each of his cells and elicited a wave of warmth to wash over you.
”I missed you too”, you mumbled back, feeling how the growing warmth inside you got larger with each of his words and each passing second he held you.
“I’m sorry I took so long to come back…I-…Negan, I was scared too”, you quietly mumbled, your voice breaking a little before you felt him shaking his head slowly against your shoulder.
“You’re back, damn, that’s all that matters to me”, he mumbled against the fabric, pulling you even closer as you got slowly lost in his comforting warmth.
You longed to simply stay like this forever, just not ever let go but there was a small part in the back of your head telling you that you couldn’t, you still had to get the rest that was still uncertain out of the world, you had to settle every little misunderstanding or issue, even if the temptation to just let him hold you through the whole night was growing with each second you spend longer this close to him.
And you could feel those exact thoughts running through his head too, letting him shift slightly as both of you seemed reluctant to break off the comforting hug.
”Still got some more shit to explain to you”, he finally muttered slowly, his voice clearly showing the reluctancy that was stuck within him before he gulped harshly as soon as you slowly leaned back, just enough to look into his eyes.
You could sense a little fear and nervousness dancing through his glance that just got a little less as you slowly nodded and gave him a soft ‘okay’.

Moments later you found yourself sitting on the bed right next to Negan, your jacket already placed next to the bed on the floor, your hand laying in his while his thumb stroke slowly over its back, tracing small patterns into the skin while he seemed to search for words.
A small sigh fell from his lips as his other hand sneaked up to let his palm stroke over his thick salt and pepper stubble before it fell down to his knees again as his face finally turned towards you.
”I’m sorry…real fucking sorry…that night it just got too damn much. I know that’s no excuse, but-”, he sighed, his glance were falling from yours before you squeezed his hand softly and shifted a little closer.
He was beating himself up, you could see it clear as the day and you hated it as he seemed to fall into the role of feeling like the one who always fucked things up.
And it wasn’t even true, hell, It wasn’t the case that he was the bad and you the good one in your relationship.
The situation was the big deal and his position in it, first the war, then the cell. Besides, you felt like you were far from perfect as well, you unwillingly fucked some things up too from time to time and yes, you made mistakes.
But that’s simply human, right?
You had been mad at him, sure, but now that you had heard the first part of his explanation already, things were standing in a different light.
”Negan”, you softly mumbled, your voice reassuring before he slightly shook his head and gulped uneasily.
”Just feels like I can’t give you shit. Not even just about those big things, also this damn small shit”, he grumbled, sighing before he glanced a little up, “Sounds fuckin’ sappy, but just walking down the damn street with you in my arm or, hell cooking some spaghetti for ya…I can’t do any of that.”
Another sigh left his lips and his behavior got clearer and clearer to you with each second, but the moment you wanted to say something he rose his tense voice once more.
”I don’t wanna be just the damn asshole who just takes and doesn’t give shit back”, he mumbled, the pain clearly audible through his voice before his brows puckered in distress and a harsh gulp travelled down his throat, “Couldn’t make it all up to Lucille the way I wanted…thought I could just make everything better for us and then this crap cell happened. Feels like I’m fucking doomed to fucks us up too.”
”And then there’s this fucker who could give you all that and…fuck, that just drove me crazy…it still does.”
You let out a small, worried sigh, trying to find the right words as you were squeezing his hand before you took a breath and rose your voice, determined to get those things as fast as possible out of his head.

He was always there, putting himself back when you needed him. You could be truly yourself when you were with him, without having to worry or adjust just in the tiniest bit.
Hell, he was your rock, no matter how clear that was to him or not.
The very last thing he did was ruining your relationship.
The situation was far from easy, you couldn’t and wouldn’t deny that, but this wouldn’t make him less of a great partner.
If you were honest, you couldn’t imagine someone better, someone who could make you laugh or smile as much as he did.
To you, he really was all you had ever searched for and all you hadn’t even known you were searching.
He was all you wanted and needed.
And Caleb, he was the very last thing he had to worry about, not only because the man who had seemed so kind at first had changed over your last conversation, but because he simply wasn’t Negan.
And the very same thing counted for anybody else.
The words began to flow easier as soon as you saw his face relaxing, saw the tension wash from it and saw his eyes soften and a smile beginning to grow on his lips that made his dimples softly show beneath the thick beard stubble.

”Anybody could be out there and I wouldn’t care, you’re here and I just want you, regardless of this cell or not”, you finally mumbled, the relieved smile that kept growing on Negan’s face letting the warmth in you grow some more before you knew you had to add something, something you needed to get off your chest after having to wreck your head all these days over it.
“And the thing is…I just…I never had those big insecurities or doubts with you…I mean, sure I had those small thoughts once in a while, just asking myself why the hell you want me but I guess…I guess in some way that’s normal…you always made me feel special and desired and I just-”, you said, stopping as your glance wandered through this cell before you gulped slightly and glanced towards him ,”I thought maybe you think all those things because I don’t show you enough how much you mean to me…or because I’m not loving en-”
“No, no, no, shit Baby don’t even think that. That’s all just me, this crap cell and all that shit stuff happening around, but in no damn way you”, he cut you off, his voice determined as he grabbed your hand tighter, making you look at him to make sure you were understanding each of his words.
“And those small shit insecurities, fuck, why’d you have them? You’re fucking mind blowing awesome, hell to me, you’re my damn perfect girl”, he mumbled, squeezing your hand tighter as more warmth got unleashed while his warm hazel eyes wandered over your face.
“Well and that’s the way I see you too”, you mumbled back, trying to give him the last bit to reassure him before he chuckled quietly and quirked one eyebrow.
”I’m your perfect girl?”, he grumbled teasingly, as he not only let a wave of laugh wash through your body but even more relief.
He got his humor back along with the happy grin that was dancing over his face  and those two were some of the best ways to confirm he was fine again.
”You know what I mean”, you chuckled, shoving your elbow playfully into his side before you glanced up into his hazel orbs.
”So this is settled?”
”Yeah”, he said, running a hand over his beard stubble as he loosened the other one that had clasped yours, before he reached out to your legs, grabbing them carefully so he could pull them over his own until you ended up on his lap and felt him wrapping his arms around you.
“We’ll get through this here”, he mumbled, pressing a kiss to your shoulder before you slowly wrapped your arms around his neck, longing to feel him as close as you could while more and more relief washed through you the more you realized that everything was truly fine again.
”Fuck, you got no I idea what big ass rock just fell from my damn shoulders”, he mumbled into your shirt, bringing the relief that also streamed through your veins to a point.
Glancing down at him you caught his eyes darting at you, softening as they met yours.
Your hands wandered to cup the back of his neck, your fingertips toying with the dark locks at its nape before you slowly leaned down and let your lips meet, finally.
A tingling but comforting warmth streamed through your body the moment you met, feeling his lips caressing over yours, capturing them longingly and with a certain hunger the last days of your absence had created.
Humming into the kiss you kept your eyes closed, feeling how his arms tightened around you, pulling you closer against him, how his hands held you while deep growls that rumbled through his chest and up his throat vibrated against your lips.
Only slowly you let go of each other, only pushed by the urge to catch some breath while your face was still hovering closely over his, far enough away to glance into his eyes, close enough to still feel his hot breath brushing over your skin.
A relieved smile began to grow once more on your lips as you glanced at him and felt the unbelievably large mass of feelings you had for him wash over you again.
For the split of a second, it seemed like some certain words ghosted through your head, whirling up more of the emotions that were already dancing wildly within you while you could swear by the look in his eyes that there was something, if not the same, at least similar, rushing through his head.
You were too stirred up to think logically, but there still was a tiny part in you telling you to not rush it while you already were in such an emotional state and situation.
”You’re the best damn thing that fucking has and could’ve ever happened to me…I want you to know that, alright?”, you heard Negan mumble, his voice thick with genuineness as he glanced at you and made the smile on your lips grow even larger than it already was, while your heart began to flutter and pound excitedly against your chest.
”That works the other way around too”, you mumbled back, instead of switching them with this other pair of words, realizing that the moment was perfect as it was, that those word he had just told you meant not less than the ones that had ghosted through your head seconds ago.
One day they would slip out of your lips, you were sure of that as you realized with each passing moment back in his arms how deep those feelings for him were, deeper than you had ever experienced or expected to experience but for now, you were simply happy to have him back in this moment that couldn’t be better just the way it was.

”Shit, you really got the fuckin power to turn me into some drippy fucker”, you heard Negan mumble after a few moments, his lips pressing with a grin against your shirt before he let out a small chuckle.
”You’re not drippy, just sweet”, you mumbled with a soft laugh back, glancing down at him as you wrapped your arms closer around his neck and looked into his hazel orbs.
”Mhmm”, he just chuckled, running his tongue quickly over his lower lip before he shrug his shoulders slightly,”Fuck, I don’t care anymore either way.”
With a deep hum he leaned in, pressing another kiss to your shoulder before you could see his grin growing wider before he glanced up again and let you see the roguishness that was stuck in his eyes.
”Just be aware that I’m also that fucker who fucks your brains out and pounds your sweet pussy into the damn mattress till you can’t think and walk straight”, he purred, tightening his hold he had on you teasingly before a laugh escaped your lips.
”Oh I’m more than aware of that”, you chuckled, seeing him biting his lower lip before he pulled you closer with a pleased sigh, right until he could bury his face in the crook of your neck and breath contently and with another deep him in and out.
The warmth within you grew some more as you wrapped your arms closer around him, enough so you could lean your head against his and let your fingers run through his dark locks.
Your eyes eventually closed as your whole body relaxed and melted against him, leaving you wrapped up in his embrace while his warm breath that brushed softly over your skin let you swing into a peaceful trace.

”You’re gonna let me make it up to you, Baby?”, Negan mumbled after a small comfortable while of just being entangled in each other against the fabric of your shirt.
Loosening your hold on him you glanced down, catching him pressing his lips against your skin while his eyes were traveling up until they could lock with yours.
”You don’t need to, It’s not-”, you said, already somewhere else with your thoughts before you recognized the tone in his voice along with the roguish glance in his eyes and began to chuckle softly,”Oh you mean that making up.”
”Is that a yes?”, he hummed, grinning up at you as his arm tightened a little more around your figure.
”Yeah”, you mumbled back, your smile wide as you leaned in until you could press your lips in a short but loving kiss to his.
Feeling your lips part you still remained close to him, feeling him leaning once more up to give you a soft peck before his hands moved to your waist, cupping it tightly as he turned around, enough to let you fall into the bed, let you sink into the mattress while he moved in the matter of seconds on top of you.
”There we go”, he chuckled, caging you in between his arms as his lips met yours again in a more heated kiss.
Humming against his lips your hands wandered up his chest until they found their rest around his neck, letting you feel his warmth and the dark locks at its nape.
”Damn, I’m so fucking happy you’re here”, Negan mumbled as your lips parted for a moment, his lips not able to stop from turning into a wide smile that overpowered the grin by far.
His lips met yours again, caressing over them while pleasant growls rumbled through Negan’s chest and up his throat, letting it vibrate softly against the palms of your hands.
Slowly your fingers wandered down, right until they reached the button border of his shirt, feeling the fabric of the prison suit brushing against your fingertips as they were wandering farther down, ready to unbutton it before Negan suddenly broke off your kiss.
”No, no, you’re first”, he chuckled lowly against your lips, pressing a peck to them before you heard his gravelly voice vibrating against you once more ,”Let me take care of you.”
“Okay”, you mumbled softly, feeling the yearning for him grow as he smirked at you, his teeth sinking into his lower lip before he leaned down until his lips pressed against the sensitive skin of your neck, eliciting a soft hum to fall from your lips.
Your fingers found their way into his dark hair, running through his black locks as his lips created a warm path down your neck, over your collarbones before his hands slowly began to slide beneath your shirt.
His rough, warm hands ran over your skin, letting goosebumps of longing spread over your body as they moved your shirt up, right until he could pull it over your head, his eyes glowing up as soon as they began to wander.
Your back pressed seconds later back into the mattress as his lips were placing open mouthed kissed down your stomach.
His warm breath let pleasant chills run down your spine as your fingers caressed through his hair, feeling how he nuzzled his nose into your stomach before his teeth began to teasingly scrape over your skin.
A soft chuckle fell from your lips in response before you glanced down, catching his hazel eyes and the large grin that was spread all over his face before he chuckled lowly and leaned in, playfully biting your stomach, letting his teeth sink just enough into your skin to give you a soft tug while his beard stubble was tickling you softly and elicted a laugh to fall from your lips.
Negan’s low chuckles vibrated against your skin as his bites turned back into kisses until he made it to the waistband of your pants, his fingers beginning to fumble on the zipper as you laughed quietly.
“Think you gotta get the shoes off before”, you mumbled, seeing him glancing back up again with a groan before his deep laugh mixed in again.
“Fuck”, he grumbled with another chuckle, leaning back up again to move down to your feet, “You’re getting me all fucking dazzled.”
Chuckling he moved to swing your legs over his lap, grabbing your ankles as his fingers were fumbling on the shoe laces.
”Shit, fucking boot fucker”, Negan grumbled as he wiggled them struggling off of you, pushing the first shoe to the floor, seconds later then the other before his hazel eyes wandered back to you, traveling over your legs before he let out a humorous scoff and glanced grinning at you.
”Damn those pants are annoying, gotta get them off of ya”, he grumbled biting his lower lip, already climbing back up to you before sliding the fabric off your skin in the matter of seconds, leaving you in only your underwear and Negan roiled up in the best way possible.
His lips were meeting your lips again, heated and more rough than before but still with some of the smile on his lips he didn’t seem to be able to get off of them.
Smiling into the kiss yourself your fingers caressed over his jaw, pulling him closer to you as low hums and growls vibrated against your lips while your feelings flared up once more, washing a wave of warmth through your whole body.
It kept streaming through your veins, each of your inches, each of your cells, while the relief mixed further into the happiness that was letting the warmth grow with each second.
Negan’s beard stubble brushed against your skin as your lips parted for a moment, feeling how he let out a satisfied hum before your eyes fluttered open and saw his warm orbs glancing into yours.
Your lips grew into a wider smile as your fingertips caressed his stubbly jaw, hearing another small growl eliciting his throat as his eyes wandered over your face, seeing them slowly narrowing in the lust and yearning that was streaming through your body as well.
”I’m all yours”, you whispered against his lips, knowing the effect it had on him that got quickly confirmed as a purring growl escaped his lips and a flicker danced through his darkening eyes.
”Fuck Baby, and I’m your damn man”, he growled against your lips, his hot breath hitting your skin before his lips captured yours once more.
He groaned quietly into the kiss, relish washing through his voice as he pressed the largely growing bulge beneath the fabric of his pants against your covered but growing heat.
“Oh, I know you like that”, Negan purred with a grin against your lips as soon as a hum had escaped them, adding another one as he was grinding himself once more, now harder, against your most sensitive spots.
“Fuck, I know what you like else, too”, he grumbled with a low chuckle, pressing another kiss to your lips before they left them to find their way south.
Negan’s touches were lingering, enough to make you painfully long for more of him while his lips gradually traveled down, his strong hands managing to get rid of your bra in the matter of moments before they fondled your breasts, caressing them with his fingers and those warm lips of his.
Soft moans left your lips, increasing as soon as he was hovering over the waistband of your already soaked panties, his hot breath letting goosebumps spread over your skin as his darkened eyes glanced up at you while a wicked grin danced over his lips.
“Gonna make you feel so fucking good”, he purred against the fabric, allowing another wave of heat to wash through your body before he leaned further down, pressing his lips to the part of your panties that was hiding your most sensitive spots while a satisfied growl left his lips.
You hummed softly, feeling how Negan’s lips pressed then to the inside of your thighs, the roughness of his beard sending pleasant shivers down your spine before a soft giggle left your lips as soon as you felt him chafing his stubble teasingly along the sensitive skin.
“Negan, no”, you laughed quietly, squirming as he looked with a wide grin at you, raising his brows suggestively before dragging his stubbly cheek once more over your skin just until his warm lips pressed a final kiss to them and his fingertips finally found the waistband of your panties.
As soon as the fabric had left your skin, one more growl elicited Negan’s throat as two of his fingers trailed along your wetness just before a gasp left your lips as his lips captured your heat and began to do their magic.
Every flick of his tongue was sending hot shivers through your veins, pooling even more in your body middle while two of his fingers began to pump into you as his other hand traveled over your body until his thumb could caress your heated flesh in circling movements.
Soon, he set you into a beautiful trance, pushing you further into it until your body shook in pleasure, soft moans left your trembling lips and your fingers were twisted into his dark locks as he finally carried you through your high.

“Told ya”, Negan quietly chuckled as he climbed moments later back up to you, licking his lips as his arms caged you in between them once more, letting him hover right over you as his hazel orbs caught yours and brought a whole different warmth back into your body.
“Fuck, can’t tell you how goddamn happy I am”, he mumbled, the smile that had never really left his lips was mixing stronger into the grin that was still dancing over his face.
“Same goes for me”, you quietly chuckled, your breath becoming steady again as you saw him leaning down, pressing his lips against your neck, his smile clearly palpable before he teased you with his tickling beard once again.
“Oh come on”, you huffed with a chuckle as you squirmed beneath him, digging your fingertips softly into the fabric of his prison suit’s shirt while a low laugh escaped his lips and his raspy voice vibrated against your skin.
“I know you actually like that…shit, I know you love it”
“Mhmm”, you chuckled, half in approval, half squirming and trying to keep more laughs from shaking through your body before you tugged on his shirt ,”Now get out of your clothes too.”
“Oh someone’s greedy”, Negan grumbled, kissing your neck swiftly before he leaned back, grinning at you and licking slowly over his lower lip before he got himself on his knees and pulled the pieces of the prison suit off his body until only a pair of black boxers and a large, promising tent beneath them was left.
“What? You know the last damn piece’s yours”, he chuckled, biting his lips as he glanced down and jerked his hips a little and in a teasing and playful manner forwards.
Having to grin to yourself you leaned up, your fingertips meeting his warm skin and the fabric of the waistband before they slipped in-between and finally pulled his boxers down, revealing the beast that was hidden beneath it.
A low growl left Negan’s lips as he got fully rid of it and caught the anticipated expression that was spread all over your face, right before he was guiding you back into the mattress, leaning over you, his breath ghosting over your face as his large hand gave his pulsing dick a few tight pumps.
A manly grunt left his lips as his hand moved to grab your waist, as yours wandered to his back, your fingertips caressing over his skin while your body’s heat grew in more anticipation, mixing with the relief, lust and happiness that was already deeply stuck within you.

Then, he finally sunk into you, inch by inch, letting a soft gasp fall from your lips as he stretched you in the best way imaginable out, leaving you clinging onto him as you wrapped your legs around his hips to allow him to sink even deeper.
“Fuck, you’re wet”, he growled, his hips meeting yours as he thrusted once more into your heat, groaning in deep relish as he caught your face twisting in pleasure.
“Slippy like a damn ice track”, he added with a low chuckle, grinning at you as your soft moan got interrupted by a laugh as you dug your fingertips teasingly into his skin.
“Really?!”, you chuckled, raising your brows playfully before the grin took over as soon as his deep laugh rumbled up his chest and his hands gripped you a little tighter.
“Mhm yeah”, he mumbled grinning, leaning down to press a kiss to your lips before his hips began to move in rhythm with yours, letting the pleasure spread all over his face in the matter of seconds.

Soon enough your bodies were a tangle of limbs, getting lost in each other while the happiness and relief that was still streaming through both of you was letting more small laughs and playful moments create as you clung to one another.
Those small laughs mixed with his deep groans of pleasure and your soft moans, reechoing through the cell as you sunk deeper into the lust and longing that got unleashed more and more with each passing second, each deep thrust, each touch and each kiss.
Everything felt intoxicating, his skilled movements that turned slow lovemaking to a whole different and heated dimension every other moment.
His touches that could be lingering once, tracing his fingertips over your skin and to your sweetest spots to pamper them with skill and in the other moment hard and yearning as they grabbed your hips to thrust deeper.
Your kisses that could change from slow and loving to passionate and rough, but either way managed to let both of you sink into an even deeper trance.
The only constant was the smile that was still lingering on both of your lips, somewhere always there even if you were sunken in a deep, longing kiss.

You stayed this way, entangled in each other and filled up with the best whirlwind of emotions swirling through your bodies until you were nothing but panting  messes, clinging to each other while small happy chuckles left both of your lips.
You didn’t even really notice the cell around you, it felt somewhere far away from you as Negan’s warm hazel eyes ran over your face, his smiling lips gaping softly open to give space to small pants while your fingers traced over his stubbly jaw, smiling just as bright as he did before both of your lips met again.

Your breath was finally steady again as you found yourself cuddled up to Negan’s side, your bare body pressing against his while his arms were securely and protectively wrapped around you, keeping closely in his warm embrace.
Your leg was hooked over his, allowing you to huddle up even closer as your fingers toyed softly with the small, dark curls that peppered his chest, and your nose nuzzled into the warmth of his neck, burying your face into its curve like it was your very own sanctuary.
Negan’s head was leaning against yours, his warm breath brushing over your skin as his lips placed a small kiss to your temple and his fingers traced up and down your arm, while the soft gestures of the big bad wolf let a smile on your lips grow as you pressed a gentle kiss to his neck.
And there you laid, both with big smiles on your lips, more than happy regardless of the fact that you were in a cell, laying on a cheap mattress with only a thin blanket covering your bodies.
Negan pressed another kiss to your temple as his hands reached up to tuck you a little more in along with him until he wrapped his strong arms tighter around you and let out a little but content sigh as he cradled you against his chest.
Both of you were swinging in this comfortable silence, still stuck a little in the bubble you had brought each other in but if you were honest, there weren’t many words needed right now, if any.
Each of you already knew what was most important, what mattered the most.

You were gonna get through this.
Together.

(The gif isn’t mine/ it was originally posted by dancing-at-the-funeralparty)
tagging:
@agespenst @imaginesforthepeople @porgs-r-us @squidgy84 @toxic-ink@Nobodylastname @nice-shoes-nerd@thegirlwiththelyrics99 @tolieboy @writteninthestars288@magical-spit @straightestgay-voice@xsnak-3x@myrabbitholetoneverland@dasani-saraai@negan–is–god@harry-titss@traumbruch @negans-network@theblankestostares @amysuemc@ashzombie13 @trashimaginezblog@jeffreydeanneganstrash@sweetwittlebosco@futureofdestiel@bananakid42@dragongirl420@kalliewinchester-queenofhell@futureofdestiel@timeladyrikaofgallifrey@osakamilk @kattyshea20@dinodiegos@missmotherhen@kinkygamertrash @beahippie23@xabeautifultragedyx @negansmagic@starwarsandstufff@bdohe21 @lovesjdm @vanilla-negan @to-pick-ourselves-up-7@roselover159@mamarhee @the-writingdead@traumbruch@bellawindixon@dlb1999@thelittlewolf45@collette04@ask-kakashihatake@princessbelgoof@adixon13@botanicalthoughts @nijiru@cheyanhicks@jtklover123@twentyonewalkers @originalwinchestervamp@readytourie @ijashanaa @i-am-lady-anarchy@marauderspads@humble-thumb@hp-hogwartsexpress @mydeliciousdandelion@warriorqueen1991@unholyjs@kentuckywalker @mydeliciousdandelion @dancing-in-embers @gackts-guwashi @ugh-abbyxx@frozenhuntress67@hela-rious48@thoughtfullyoptimisticgalaxy@xojeffreydeanmorgan@thelittlewolf45@babygirlmeepi@thehybridsqueen@blueeyedsoutherngal @naniky @negans-network@the-wintergirl@fangirl-and-medstudent-help​ @lovesjdm
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Summary: After the fight, both, Negan and the Reader go through their personal hells. And while Negan is locked up in his cell, with his hopes for her return shrinking with each passing day, the reader fights a battle with herself until she encounters an unexpected helper.

This part is written alternating between both POVs and we finally got a bunch of appearances of the other characters again!

the last part / all other previous parts (None of the previous parts have to be read to understand the plot!)

image

There he sat, completely quiet, with his eyes staring into the emptiness of the dark cell while the thoughts in his head were too loud to understand or even grasp any of them.
His knuckles were swollen, dark red blood shimmering on the thin skin, evidence of the times he had punched his fists against the cold, hard stone.
It hadn’t helped him to let out any of the frustration, anger, regret and disappointment that was filling his body all the way to the stop, it had just given him another pain adding to the one boiling within him.
It hadn’t been many, maybe two or three punches and by the second one he had already slumped against the wall, recognizing what had happened, what he had done, what he might have lost.
Hot tears had burned in his eyes waiting for their release, pants had left his lips along with growling curses that weren’t nearly able to express the mess that was going kamikaze in his mind.
And now, fuck now he was sitting slumped in on the cheap bed like some sorry fuck, his elbows digging into his thighs as his hands were buried in his hair, his eyes staring at the cement ground,  burning from the tears that had found their way earlier or later out of them, falling down his cheeks only to leave an uneasy and drying tension on his heated skin.
Last night around this time, she had laid in his arms, cuddled up to his side with her head resting on his chest, contently and steadily breathing in her peaceful sleep.
He had guessed these nights would be counted, but little had he known that it would be the last one.
He had fucked it up.
Again.
Big fucking time.

The first sun streams were beginning to fall into the room as your eyes slowly fluttered open, battered from the tears you had shed before falling exhaustedly asleep.
For the first seconds, you found yourself irritated, wondering why you were laying sprawled out on the bed in your old room instead of huddled up in Negan’s arms before your mind began to replay the events of the last night step by step, letting you live right through it again.
Negan’s burning jealousy of the guy you saw nothing else in than a friend, the way he had already looked at him as he had done his job as new guard and brought you down to the cell,  the suspense that had radiated through him just a while later, his loud, booming filled voice that was filled with anger and desperation, the accusation that you would leave him just like that earlier or later anyway for someone else outside, simply because he was stuck in this dark, cold cell.
A shiver ran through your body as soon as you found yourself shifting over the sheets, feeling how the clothes of the last day dug into your skin and reminded you even more of the fact that everything seemed to have changed.
For moments you just felt empty, completely and entirely empty, as if anything that had happened had just been a nightmare.
But it hadn’t, if it had, you’d find yourself in Negan’s arms right now, feel him kissing and cradling you, soothing you until you could fall asleep again instead of staying wide awake and alone in this large bed.
A weird mix of madness and pain was beginning to sneak up within you again, creating too many thoughts for you to process.
A tight breath left your lips as you pressed yourself into the soft pillows, suddenly tensing up as you heard Rick and Michonne’s voices echoing dully through the house, reminding you in the worst way possible that there was more for you to come.
They would notice that you had slept here instead of the cell.
They would ask questions.
They would know.
And you would have to go out there, continue your shifts at the infirmary as if nothing had happened, while all you wanted to actually do was bury your head under the sheets, press it into the pillows and never get out of them again or at least until every of your problems had magically vanished.

Quiet curses left your lips as you pushed yourself up into the pillows against the  headboard, hearing how their voices got more distant, letting you hope for a second that they would leave the house.
But just moments later this little hope got destroyed as you heard the cabinets in the kitchen cluttering, heard their voices continuing and heard one of them still strolling through the house.
Of course, they weren’t leaving yet, it was way too early, too early for them to leave, too early for the little time window you spent each morning in this house to happen, including getting ready for the day after spending the night at the cell.
So you couldn’t even pretend to have simply arrived earlier, not even after you felt yourself weighing out any possible explanation.
Your eyes darted at the small digital clock on the nightstand, trying to find out how much longer you could push it until you would have to do something if you didn’t want to be late for your shift and make everything even worse.

It took a few more minutes for you to lay in the bed, filling up with more thoughts and emotions with each moment until you got yourself to heft your still exhausted body up, make it walk until you could shed your clothes to get yourself under the shower.
It often helped washing a bit of stress off of you but all it did this time was setting you for moments into a dull trance, staring at the water and soap that were going in a little tornado down the drain.
You could feel the stream flowing down your skin, feel the drops hitting the back of your head as hard as the thoughts in your head seemed to pound against your skull.
It was odd how weirdly opposite emotions were able to mix.
The anger within you, paired with the disappointment about the things he had said, while on the other side your whole body and mind missed him deeply.
Around that time of the day, you’d usually still be laying in his arms after just waking up, feeling him drowsily mumbling his good mornings to you before pulling you once more closer into his embrace until he could brush his lips over your temple, kiss you and let you slowly start the day with him.
Yesterday, you had figured that at least after the first bumper caused by the guard change things would get back to normal, but little had you known that this had just been the beginning.
But that didn’t mean you would never have these mornings again, right?
After you would get those things out of the world, they’d come back…right?
If you would get those things out of the world.
But what if not?

A sharp, cutting breath fell from your lips as you caught an ice-cold shudder running down your spine by the thought, letting you recognize just now that tears had shot into your eyes, burning for their release.
“Fuck”, you scoffed, brushing the tears that were threatening to fall down your cheeks from your skin before you moved around to turn the shower off, frustrated that this had turned into the opposite of what you had hoped it would be.
Forcing yourself to suppress your up boiling emotions and thoughts for at least a small while you grabbed the towel, breathed deeply through and stepped out the shower.

You were pushing it, pushing the time, pushing yourself until you found yourself finally standing in front of the door, with the handle in your hand, still not knowing what the hell you should tell them if they asked questions even though you had racked your brain for the last while over it.
The creaking of the opening door eventually echoed horribly through your head as you made your way out of the room, hearing their voices somewhere downstairs while more shivering and tight breaths left your lips.
The stairs grid beneath your shoe soles as you made your ways down, growing more tense with each step until you finally got into the hallway, hoping that the both of them were busy making breakfast in the kitchen, maybe not even noticing you.
And you kept hoping this until the moment you suddenly saw a shadow spreading over the floorboards that were enlightened by the bright morning light, right before Rick stepped into the hallway, his hand holding a mug of coffee while he glanced still a little drowsy, but mostly confused at you.

“Morning”, you said, trying to let your voice sound as relaxed as possible while you could already feel Rick’s glance wandering skeptically over your face.
“Morning…you’re here? Didn’t hear you coming in earlier”, he asked, taking a sip of his coffee while his glance didn’t leave your face as you could already feel more suspense and helplessness washing up in your body.
“Yeah…I uh…I came in-”, the last words got stuck in your throat, realizing that even trying to lie would just make it all worse.
And so you stood there, shifting uneasily from side to side, before you pushed yourself to say something.
“I…well, I slept here last night…that’s why you didn’t hear me…I came in late”, you mumbled, feeling how your words got more quiet with each sentence while your glance escaped Rick’s and instead switched uneasily through the room.
Seconds of almost unbearable and tension filled silence passed until you finally heard his boots shifting only a few inches over the wooden ground and eventually felt how his voice lead your glance back to his still slightly confused face.
“Something happened? You-”, with that Rick cut himself off, the last word falling into the sound of a question as he gestured only slightly at you, seeming almost as helpless as you yourself.
Each of those seconds were awkward as hell, and while Rick was one of the last people you wanted to discuss any problem regarding Negan and your relationship with, you were about 100% sure that he wasn’t wild to hear about your love life with his old enemy as well.
But still, you had to answer this question.
In some kinda fucking way.
“I…we had-”, you stopped, swallowing hard as you inwardly cursed yourself for acting like a helpless lamb, “We had a fight,…that’s why.”
Your voice was mumbled, uncomfortable to speak something negative out about the relationship as good as anybody you knew wanted to see fail, regardless of the fact that Rick was tolerating you by now.
Your glance was only gradually falling back on Rick, testing his reaction as he only slowly began to nod, a wave of thoughts visibly washing through his head.
“I guess I’ll go over to the infirmary, my shift starts in a bit”, you said, trying to get out of the uncomfortable tension while you could see the questions literally rattling through Rick’s brain, even though you could tell that he didn’t want to ask any of them, at least yet.

With a stressed breath falling from your lips you finally made your way out of the house, knowing that one question, when or if you would go back and spend the nights at the cell again, would come up at some point.
You were like stuck in a bubble on your way to the infirmary, only half catching anything of what happened around you until the sound of the infirmary’s front door falling into its lock forced you to jump back into reality.
Tossing your jacket over the backrest of one of the chairs you could feel yourself trying to suppress any new thoughts that wanted to push themselves through your skull and into your mind so you could focus on the work that was laying in front of you.
Everything else seemed to fall apart, now that things at the infirmary had just yesterday seemed to get better after that one horrible day, you couldn’t get right back to it.
You couldn’t fuck this up too.

Easier said than done.

Throughout the countless seeming hours you could feel your concentration trying to sneak away from you by any chance, trying to give thoughts about Negan and your fight a loophole to slip right back in.
You were fighting it, were trying to be focused whenever anyone with complaints came in, tried to let the things Siddiq had taught you guide you, and for a while it worked and you could act like everything was fine.
Until the moments in between came, when the whole house seemed quiet, when only the voices of the people outside sounded dully and almost inaudible through the walls, when you were completely alone.
Alone with those damn thoughts.
With all those questions that just piled up more and more.
Asking yourself for the reasons.
Asking if he actually thought those things about you.
Asking if he simply fear made him think so.
Asking if maybe your own behavior was the reason for Negan’s outlash.
Hell, weren’t you showing him enough what he meant to you?
Weren’t you loving enough?
Were you giving him the feeling of just being something temporary even though you didn’t mean to?
Were you-
Fuck, this was eating you up, more and more thoughts and questions burned into your head, leaving a mark of pain as you tried to tame their flames and get them away from you.
There could be thousands of reasons based on you, based on Negan himself or based on what the hell ever and you knew whatever it actually was, you wouldn’t find out for sure unless you would go back.

A shivering breath fell from your lips as you found yourself standing pondering in front of the counter’s drawers, slowly drifting out of your thoughts and glancing down at the bandages you had planned to sort in before the terror in your mind had taken you hostage again.
“Fuck”, you just quietly exhaled, grabbing and rather tossing than laying one of the white bundles into the drawer before the creaking of the opening front door made your eyes shoot up.
Within seconds they caught a blonde thatch and glaucous eyes that glanced at you, belonging to the very person who was intertwined in the mess of the last night.
“Hey”, you just breathed out, a little surprised by his sudden visit as your eyes wandered over his face while he began to press a small smile into the corner’s of his lips.
“Hey, just wanted to see how you’re doing”, Caleb said, stepping inside the room and closing the door with a small thud behind himself without breaking eye contact once, as if he wanted to check if you were about to tell him the truth or not.
“At least better than last night”, you said, with a weak chuckle, trying to not poke too much into your boiling feelings, nor lie, simply because you knew he would notice.
“Don’t you have a guard shift now?”, you asked trying to push a small smile on your lips, your fingers fumbling on one of the bandages and its soft fabric while you tried to not let any of those feeling or thoughts boil over again.
“Nah, Miles got his one, I got a break till this evening…really need to catch up on some sleep later”, he said, trying to let a loosening chuckle fall from his lips as he walked a little closer until he leaned not more than a meter away from you against the wood of the counter, gulping as his eyes ran once more over your face.
“As I said last night…you deserve better than that”, he eventually brought out, almost cautious as you turned your glance away from him and down to the bandage, feeling how you grew more tense with each of his words and with each you got closer to this conversation you really didn’t want to have.
“(Y/N), he’s-”, he began, stopping as he saw your reluctancy before you let out a small breath and glanced back at him, seeing him clenching his jaw, almost as if he was growing more tense too.
It took a few silent seconds until you could visibly see this tension being written all over his face before he huffed and glanced back at you.
“Listen I don’t wanna make it harder for you, I just…I’m sorry for having to tell you that but some rose-colored glasses can sometimes blind people…he’s a monster and he’s not gonna change.”
With those words slipping out of the mouth of the else so kind man a frown spread over your face, letting the blood in your veins freeze and the muscles in your face fall into rigidity.
“He’s no monster”, it slipped out of your tense lips, feeling how you clenched your jaw and felt your body growing into a bigger mess.
Fight or not, this wasn’t something you were gonna let anyone say about him.

You could sense Caleb growing more restless next to you as you broke of the eye contact and searched for unsuccessful help in this damn bandage again before your glance wandered back up to him, feeling how words pressed into your throat, urging to get out.
“Weren’t you the one who told me that everyone deserves a second chance?”, even though your voice was tense, it was oddly calm, almost disappointed by the young man you saw in front of yourself, someone you had till now and last night seen as nothing but kind and open minded.
Almost everyone. His lieutenants, his people, the workers, yeah, they do too…but not people like him.”
With each words that flew out of his mouth it just got worse, the temperature in your body seemed to sink even lower as you let out a shivering breath.
“You don’t even know him”, it slipped out of your lips, hearing yourself sound like a dumb and naive little school girl, trying to convince her parents that her new crush wasn’t as much of a bad influence as he seemed to be to them.
“I know enough to be sure”, Caleb mumbled a little too fast in response, his voice still calm while something odd, even urging swung within it.

“Then why did I deserve a second chance? Each one of us?”, you said after suspense filled moments of silence, glancing right into his eyes while your voice grew colder, “I’ve killed too, I’ve done things I don’t even wanna think about.”
With that, some kind of switch seemed to go off in the blonde man in front of you, letting a deeper frown spread over his face while you could see the same stern glance you had seen last night in his eyes spreading out in them again.
“He’s killed people with a baseball bat, he’s burned people’s faces as punishment, he put people in tiny cells, he let others work for him after killing one or more of their friends…he’s killed your friends- in front of you”, his voice grew restless, more desperate than stern by the time he finished, as if he his urge was to persuade you while you could feel your emotions boiling up, shutting out the fight and the anger you still had about Negan’s behavior and letting instead the protectiveness take its place, for now.
“Do you know what Rick has done? He’s tortured men and killed even more without batting an eye. I’ve seen him rip a guy’s throat with his own teeth. This place-”, you said, feeling your breath grow quicker as you gestured with a small swift of your hand around,” He wanted to take it at the beginning, he wanted to push his sights onto people and if they wouldn’t accept them he planned to just slash their throats and take over.”
For a moment, maybe not more than a second you paused, trying to get your emotions at least a little under control before the next words pressed out of your lips.
“But he didn’t ‘cause he had people around him telling him what kinda shit he was about to do. Negan didn’t. He was alone from square one, he-”, your voice stopped abruptly as you found yourself falling into an endless lope of having to justify yourself and your relationship, over and over again since people knew what you had with Negan.
A scoff feel from your lips, quiet, but still loud enough for Caleb to hear as you turned completely to the drawer and grabbed the bandage that had been your provisory stress ball for the last moments.
“Why am I even doing this?”, you mumbled almost inaudible to yourself, already mad about yourself for feeling like you had to justify each and everything.
“’Cause you’re madly in love with him”, you heard Caleb mumble after moments of silence, his voice low, restless and if you weren’t completely wrong, disappointed, “You’re still defending him.”
You gulped as you felt his eyes darting at you, staying like glued on you until you slowly glanced up again and saw into his tension filled face.
“That’s usually something real fine…”, he mumbled, letting out a small humorless chuckle before his eyes grew just a tiny bit softer as they captured yours ,”Just don’t want you to get all hurt when you really go back.”
You just looked at him, unsure what to think, unsure how to estimate Caleb anymore before he let out a small sigh and softly pushed himself away from the wooden counter.
“Think about it…sorry, for rilling you all up, wasn’t my intention. Actually that was the opposite of what I wanted to do…”, he said, the remorse audible in his voice while you knew that this was true, just as much as you knew that he had meant those things anyway.
“Either way…I’ll see you around. If there’s anything…you know where to find me”, he finally said as you still hadn’t gotten yourself to answer just anything, ending up to just nod while a thick gulp travelled down your throat, uncertainty daubing your face before you glanced one last time at him before he looked away and eventually shut the door behind himself.

Alone again you felt yourself falling into a bubble once more, trying to fight off the terror your mind was throwing consistently at you and mixing with Caleb’s confusing behavior.
And while you stayed in this bubble, it got more and more clear to you that you couldn’t go back to the cell this evening.
You just weren’t ready for whatever the hell might wait for you and your future.
And you didn’t come to this decision with ease.
Your head was filled up with a deadly storm, nothing else and you knew that you had to still this storm before you walked back into the brownstones, if not completely, then at least as much as you could.
So you stayed as long at the infirmary as you could, eating your dinner there in loneliness and hoping that Rick and Michonne would be already sleeping when you’d come back into the house.
The awkwardness about the talk of this morning was still lingering in the back of your head and you weren’t ready to answer any of the questions they might have while you hadn’t an answer for them yourself.
You didn’t know when you’d go back.
You didn’t know what exactly was going on in Negan’s head.
You didn’t know what would happen if you would talk to him.
If you were honest, you didn’t know a fucking thing.
And so the same procedure happened again.
The night gave you as good as no sleep, instead letting you roll around over the sheets, toss your body into the mattress and the countless pillows for god knows how many times.
And when those tactics eventually worked, they only did so for a small while and even this small while was filled with nightmares or the lightest sleep possible.
The morning left you exhausted instead of refreshed, even though there was a small part of hope lingering within you, hoping you would find a solution within the next hours and a way to calm the storm that was fully whirling up again as soon as you felt the first sun beams dragging you completely out of the little bit of sleep it had given you.
The words you shared with Michonne and Rick weren’t many, only a quick ‘see you’ when you left for work.
And you thought about Negan.
A lot.
Not only about the fight or any of its reasons, even more about how he was feeling now, what he might be thinking about this all.
You kept cursing yourself about it, mad that you were giving those ugly feelings so much space to slip in and try to eat you up.
And just as much as you cursed yourself, you tried to focus on the work at the infirmary, trying to let it distract you instead of letting the thoughts distract you from your shift.
And while this worked at least for the most part, something else didn’t.
You didn’t find answers for your questions.
You didn’t find a way to calm the storm.
Instead you sometimes felt like they might even became worse.
At the end of the day, you found yourself sitting by the table in the infirmary, with your elbows propped on the wooden surface, staring at the light of the small lamp and the beams that got reflected on the porcelain of the plate that stood in front of you.
You hadn’t managed to eat much, just a few bites and you had to force yourself to somehow get them down your throat.
You hated to admit it, but you were consistently on the edge to break out in tears, only the bubble you were stuck in keeping it from actually happening, even though you knew that it would burst earlier or later.
You had no where to go, no one to talk to.
You felt alone, so fucking alone.

The sky was already pitch black when you made your way finally down the road, only enlightened by some of the still functioning street lamps while the chilly breeze made you sling your jacket tighter around your body.
Another shiver was running over your back as you spotted the brownstones from afar, standing tall over the other houses before the branchy crowns of the  trees whose leaves had already fallen finally covered them.
The thin diamond bracelet you got from Negan once was dangling from your wrist, pressing against your skin as you wrapped your arms tighter around your body, bringing him right back into your mind.
You had stared way too often down at those tiny stones today, watching them blinking in the sunlight while you couldn’t even closely bring yourself to take it off, not even for the sake of maybe getting to still your thoughts.
The cold was spreading all over your body when you finally got to the porch of Rick’s house, carefully stepping up the stairs before your eyes got drawn away from the cold and the bracelet that was still pressing into your skin.
You had seen it before, of course you did, but there was a difference.
Around the two blue handprints on the floorboards at the side of the porch were lines drawn, a saw laying right next to them as if they were just waiting for the sound to rise on the next morning to be cut out.
He wouldn’t remove it, Rick would never do that, not to one of the very last things his son had left behind, instead your mind worked out as you were standing in the freezing cold that he must want to transfer is somewhere where it wasn’t exposed to nature’s caprices.
The thought of what it did to Rick and even Michonne let a shudder down your spine, adding to the ones that were already cursing through your veins and letting some of the grief you yourself hadn’t even fully processed well up for a moment.
With a heavy sigh and the feeling of the cold trying to engulf you once more you forced your glance off the handprints and finally got yourself towards the entrance, ready for yet another sleepless night.

Sweat was bedewing your skin when your eyes snapped open, heavy pants letting your chest rise and fall while the nightmare was already slipping out of your mind, leaving nothing but the terror it had put into your body behind.
For moments you were stuck in a bubble of shock the terror had brought with itself before it slowly ebbed gradually down.
The sheets were sticking uncomfortably to your skin as you rolled to your side, groaning quietly as your eyes caught the digits on the small clock.
Still more than an hour till you had to get up and you knew that you couldn’t fall asleep again nor risk to get an even worse nightmare.
Your heartbeat still hadn’t fully calmed down as you buried your face into the pillows, trying in some way to get comfortable in their middle for just as long as you could.

You could bear another half hour, not more, until your racing thoughts urged you to distract yourself from them and the nightmare, which even though you couldn’t fully remember, had to have been about Negan.
Freshly showered and slipped into new clothes for the day you got down the stairs, trying to let the bright sun light that was streaming softly through the windows light up your mood.
The floorboards were creaking softly beneath your shoes as you walked down the hallway, slipping your arms through the sleeves of your jacket, ready to step out of the infirmary before a familiar voice stopped your steps.
”(Y/N)? You got a sec?”
You turned around, looking into a pair of blue eyes that belonged to the man glancing at you as he slowly made his way out of the kitchen.
“Just wanted to ask you something’”, he said, his voice careful as he let out a little sigh, seeming to struggle slightly with himself, “Just need to know if you’re gonna go back to, y’know…the cell.”
He stopped for a moment, catching the glance in your eyes before he slowly shook his head, “Nothing to do with you, Siddiq just called, the baby can come any moment now…and he made me remember something…you’ve been taking care of his wounds and you’re the only one right now he thought to handle those injuries. Having him catch some infection with that would be the last thing I needed…we’re still stocking the supplies for the infirmary up.”
A sigh left his lips as his wandering glance got back to your eyes, seeing the bit of guilt for asking you swaying within them before some memories that suddenly blinked up in your mind made tension that had just waited for its chance to build up vanish.
”It’s not gonna be a big problem…I deposed a small storage there just a week ago…just so I wouldn’t have to take the stuff with me every evening”, you said, remembering cursing yourself out way too often for having to turn around half way to the cell because you forgot some new bandaid, before you finally decided to just built up this small stock, no matter if Negan’s old guard was at first for whatever reason doubtful about it.
”I only used the bandaids anymore, not because the wound still needs it, just for safety…he sometimes even did it himself”, you mumbled, feeling your heart twinge by his mention before the devil on your shoulder teased you by remembering that you hadn’t answered the first question, nor that this storage solution could be something long term, used up was used up.
“I…I’ll go back there. Just don’t know when exactly…”, you mumbled, partly embarrassed by yourself for having such a big fight with yourself going on you that didn’t seem to be able to calm, instead, you felt like a complete idiot who was procrasting this even though it got worse with each hour.
“Okay, good to know-”
“Daddy!”, Judith’s soft voice ripped him away from you, letting him glance back into the kitchen for a short moment as he turned on his heels.
“I’m right back, Sweetie”, he said, his voice softer and calming towards his daughter in the next room before his glance wandered back to you.
“Alright, gotta take care of Judith’s breakfast now. I’ll see you around?”, he asked, already half way on his path to the kitchen before his blue orbs glanced once more towards you.
“Yeah”, you said, forcing a tiny smile into the corners of your lips before Rick vanished completely in the kitchen.
And with that, you made your way out of the house too, finding your way to the infirmary while the next hours felt like they were passing as slowly as days, dragged into an unbearable length while you knew that this wasn’t something you could keep doing for much longer.

Third Day.
Third Fucking Day.
Both yesterday and the day before around this time, he had already been sitting just like this on this shit bed, staring repeatedly from the windows to the small digital clock next to the stone wall, watching the digits turn with every second, every minute, every hour.
What had formerly been a help for her to know when she needed to leave for her shifts was now almost like a torture device for him, letting him watch the changing digits while he was trying to figure out if the time had arrived yet she usually got over to the cell.
She hadn’t come, just like the little devil on his shoulder had told him from the very beginning.
Still, there had been some hope in him that she would suddenly appear in front of those cold metal bars and come in to him.
Now, even more of this hope was gone, if he was honest, as good as everything.
She wouldn’t come back.
His usual large confidence seemed to have disappeared along with his hope and instead he was worrying that he wouldn’t even be able to talk to her again, explain himself to her.
But fuck, maybe he didn’t even deserve that.
After all, and this had become clearer than ever before in the last lonely days, he was the reason for all her worry.
The reason she had problems with those fuckers outside and her asshat brother, the reason she had to deal with all this crap.
Hell, she was better off without him.
Right?
Even though this thought was striking his mind over and over again, it was knotted to a biting pain, caused by the thought that there would be someone else instead.
This someone who was probably standing in these fucking moments in front of this fucking house, playing pocket ball with one hand and swinging those fucking tiny silver keys to his cell with the other.
He hadn’t even seen that asshole since the incident, the meals were brought by some other guard, probably, and that was the only thing he saw positively in this, he had been able to scare the living shit out of that asshat.
But when he wasn’t the one bringing him food, hell knew if he was actually still standing in front of that house, maybe this damn fucker was already out there, sleazing up to her.
Talking to her.
Charming the damn fucking pants off her.
Touching her-
“Fuck”, Negan growled out through gritted teeth, kicking any against the stone beneath him, letting the cement brush harshly against the bare soles of his feet while his mind began to work flat out again by the thoughts this fucker had whirled up, all along with the longing to have her back he couldn’t fight, no matter what the devil on his shoulder was telling him.
Before this crap fight he’d worried about the things he wasn’t able to give her anymore since he was stuck in this hell hole and now, now these
things were far off right now, more out of reach than ever.
Now he’d just like to have her right there with him.
Have the things he had just days ago.
Feel her body writhing in pleasure beneath him, see her face twisting in the lust he was pumping into her, hear her soft moans vibrating against his skin, feel her fingertips digging into it, feel her hands running down his back and her lips brushing over his skin until they got caught by his once more.
But not just that, fucking was great, no question and with her it was the most mind blowing and nut busting shit he’d ever experienced, but it wasn’t the only thing, not by far.
Fuck, just seeing her looking with those sleepy eyes at him before she huddled up to him and nuzzled her face into his neck, feel her fingers smoothing his hair back and running softly through it, sense the way she felt within his arms and cuddled up to his chest, hear her laugh echoing through this cell or simply just her voice, see the way her lips curled up when he got to make her smile.
He’d give fucking everything to have that right now.
Yep, he might was about to turn into a sappy fucker right there, he was aware of that, but he didn’t care, he didn’t give a single fuck about that right now if he was honest.
The shivering breath that left his lips shook through his whole body, letting him flinch as soon as he suddenly heard the creaking of the door upstairs and the sound of footsteps coming down the cements stairs.
For the split of a second he hoped it was her, even though reality caught him quickly and forced him to realize that it couldn’t be her.
She never came down alone, always had a guard with her to get the door open.
But it wasn’t time for his next meal yet, so who the fuck was coming to pay him visit?
That Caleb fucker?
Was he scraping up the last bit of the gut he had in his tiny balls to come here and taunt him?
A growl elicited Negan’s throat only by the thought, his eyes were wandering from the gray ground up until they met the metal bars, ready to glare at the blonde man he expected to appear behind them.
But the man who appeared wasn’t blonde, hell, that fucker behind the bars there was giving this shit situation the biggest plot twist Negan have had in a while.
”Now would you look at that”, he mumbled, the corners of his lips curling up into a dangerous grin as his eyes gored through the door, “Ricky’s here.”

“Come on, where are you?”, you grumbled, your fingers slipping through the small packages of salves, trying to find the one you could have sworn to have dropped it in there earlier, but which had now vanished into thin air.
With an annoyed grunt you pushed the drawer back into the counter, hearing the dull thud echoing through the empty infirmary.
Your fingers were still lingering on the handle, pondering if you should open it again and search for it once more, or simply move on and take care of it later, when you weren’t all tense.
Within seconds you decided for the later, knowing that the salve was probably in there but your stiff glance wasn’t allowing you to see it.
With another huff you moved to the side, your steps creaking over the floorboards as you were suddenly feeling a tugging on your wrist that only lasted seconds, enough to spend confusion out in you, too much for the bracelet on your wrist to take.
A twinging sound echoed through the room as it snapped, rushing with a painful sting against your wrist before the sound of each of the tiny diamonds meeting the wooden floor resounded and let a sudden rush of panic wash through your body.
”Fuck!”, you gasped out, freezing cold and boiling heat mixing within you as you stared in horror at the snapped string and the stones which spread out all over the ground ,”No, no, no, no….”
You fell to your knees, feeling them hitting the floor the moment a lump began to form in your throat as your hands were already rushing to the diamonds, trying to catch them all in your hands, trying to tell yourself that you could fix it.
”Shit…”, you panted, your voice filled with panic as reality sneaked up more and more, showing you the destroyed bracelet and showing you even more how small the chance was that you could ever fix it.
This couldn’t be real now, right?
This was just a nightmare, right?
No, this was true, all of it.
Out of all days, all moments, Negan’s gift had to go bust just now, leaving you with an ugly feeling mixed from distress and stinging pain.
You didn’t want to believe in such stupid signs but right now, as you sat there in front of the broken string and the diamonds, it felt like this was just putting more weight onto your fears.
And it wasn’t just this unfortunate moment, you had this bracelet for so long now, since the time you began to truly recognize that there was clearly something deeper developing between the both of you.
And with this realization, the bubble around you began to slowly burst.
You missed him, fuck, you missed him so damn much.
And just as much as you missed him, you ached to get an answer to your questions.
But there was this goddamn fear holding you back, the devil dancing on your shoulder, whispering into your ear that you might not like the answer to those questions or worse, that the answer could mean the end.
Maybe you were exaggerating things, maybe not.
But if you were, then just because you were dead afraid to lose him.
A sudden shudder that shook through your body shot tears in your eyes, the bubble bursting more with each passing second while the lump in your throat grew to an unbearable size.
It was pushing those tears further, further until you felt a whimper leaving your lips as the first of them rolled down your cheeks and turned your vision into a blurry mess.
For a moment, you forgot everything around you, the infirmary, the possibility that anyone could come in just now, the only thing on your mind was a wild mix of all the emotions you had tried to suppress.
You had known from the beginning that they would act up earlier or later, that it would be even worse then, but any other way hadn’t seemed much better.
More and more tears streamed down your cheeks, stirring up a bigger mess in your head until you found yourself leaning with your back against the counter, staring at the string and the diamonds in your hands you had somehow managed to scrape up from the floor.
“Fuck this…”, you mumbled, not forceful or harsh as one would expect those words to sound, but rather broken and weak.
Why couldn’t things be easy for once for the both of you?
First there was the war, then this damn cell.
Why couldn’t you just have it as easy as other couples even in this mess of a world?
Why?

You knew you couldn’t sit there forever, earlier or later someone would come in and you couldn’t afford anyone to see you this way, this hurt and with from tears swollen eyes.
A huff left your trembling lips, the rest of the tears running in between, letting you taste their saltiness as you clasped the string and the diamonds closer and heft yourself slowly up.
With small thuds you let the purport in your hands fall onto the counter, still hoping that you were able to somehow fix it even though you deep down knew that you probably couldn’t.
Brushing your fingers over your heated skin, you got rid of the tears daubing your skin, scoffing about yourself in annoyance.
What the hell were you doing?
“(Y/N)? Sorry, I-”, you suddenly heard a familiar voice say, careful and quiet, but enough to let you flich in shock up, confused that you had been sunken that deeply into your thoughts that you hadn’t heard him coming in.
Your glance darted at the man at the door, looking right into his eyes that stared back at you.
One was clear again, healthy probably, the other opaque, almost as if it had turned blind.
His hands were stroking uneasily over his tidy black pants, fitting perfectly to the rest of his priest outfit while you were still frozen your mind only slowly coming back to do its job.
You had completely forgot about it in all this, he was here to get his meds.
You could still remember the messily written notes of Siddiq about his regular patients, could remember your shudder that had run down your back when you had seen Gabriel’s name and now, now it was his turn to get a new stock.
“Are you okay?”, he asked cautiously, glancing at you as you realized that your eyes must be red rimmed, giving away the fact that you had spent the last while crying instead of working.
”Yeah”, you mumbled a little too quick, stroking once more over your cheeks, hoping to get the very last tears off your skin before you let a huff out as soon as you saw his glance, “Sorry, I’m being completely unprofessional right now…shouldn’t mix this here with other stuff…I’ll get you your meds in a sec”
Your glance was trailing off until it got stuck on the remains of the bracelet again, embarrassed of what you were presenting him.
”Don’t worry, I can understand you.”
With that you glanced back up, surprised by his words before you caught him walking a little closer and nodding towards the broken bracelet.
”Someone gave it to you?”, he asked, his voice still careful as a shivering breath  fell from your lips while you slowly began to nod, trying to figure out what to do next.
”It was him, wasn’t it?”, he added, gulping softly before he shrugged his shoulders slightly as soon as your eyes met his again, ”Never saw you wearing it before he…took you. Just assumed it.”
You just nodded again, still surprised by his interest in your feelings after all.
”Something happened?”, he asked calmly, walking once more a bit closer while a bittersweet chuckle left your lips, mixed with a good ounce of insecurity.
”I don’t think you wanna hear me whining about my problems with Negan…after everything.”
”If it helps you, I don’t mind. That’s somehow what’s my job around here, isn’t it?”, he said, surprising you once more while a small, supportive smile grew on his lips as soon as he saw this certain surprise written over your face.
”Take it as a talk to a friend, or maybe, if you want to, as confession.”
”Why would you want to do that for me?”, you asked, your voice was soft as your eyes were roaming over his face, trying to find answers.
”I know you tried to help me when I was at the Sanctuary, so I’m just giving back…and I do think you deserve to be treated better than a lot of the people around here do”, he said, his glance reassuring as you eyed him, still unsure of the situation.
“You don’t have to, of course. I just know that it often frees and maybe, maybe I can help”, he added and while you knew he was right, this still wasn’t easy for you, not at all.
Hell, Negan was the only one you were letting you see this vulnerable.
But an urge in you pushed you, especially the small bit of hope that was still lingering within you.
There should have been alarm bells going on in your head to begin with, trusting someone with this kind of information, but you did so with Gabriel.
Not because your bond was particularly close, but because he took his job or rather his beliefs in doing-better serious.
He wasn’t gonna tell anybody about this talk.
So finally, after a few silent moments you began to softly but still reluctantly nod.
“We…well, we had a fight…”, you began, still unsure how to start and handle this conversation while you could feel your emotions urging you to continue, somehow.
And you did.
You told him about it, the fight and your reasons to not go back there yet,  not everything, nothing too detailed, but enough for him to understand what your problem was.
And while you were at it, you could feel the feelings within you boiling up again that were still just too easy to rile after the breaking of Negan’s gift.
You found yourself holding new tears back, cursing yourself inwardly while a shivering sigh fell from your lips as soon as your voice came to a stop for a second and you caught him still listening carefully to you.

”On the day of the last battle…I know he spared me because of you”, he finally said after a small while of silence, the mentioning of this day enough to get your full attention, ”I know I sat there on this grass instead of in front of his gun because of you. And I know he didn’t try to shoot them right away and gave them a chance instead because of you. Not only because you may have said something or not. It was his decision in the end, obviously. But people like him, to come to this kind of decision…he must really feel something deep for you.”
You glanced at him, feeling how there was a tiny warmth somewhere inside you, poking softly, almost not enough to be noticeable , through the thick layers of distress.
”And trust me, before the day in this trailer with the dead around us…I doubted he still had feelings left at all”, Gabriel mumbled, his voice still calm and reassuring but there was a serious glance stuck in his eyes.
He sighed quietly, breaking eye contact with you for a moment to let his glance wander to the ground for a moment, as if he was struggling slightly with what was coming next.
”People can get better…or maybe come back from what this world has done to them, leading them on a wrong path…I shouldn’t judge, not after the things I’ve done, so…”, he said, his eyes meeting yours again as a small gulp traveled down his throat, ”I don’t know if you noticed it or not, but I think you’re the one doing this to him.”
The lingering warmth in you began to grow slowly, poking a little stronger through the heavy layers hiding it before Gabriel took a deeper breath and glanced once more into your eyes.
”And it seemed like he was doing this in some way to you too. You seemed very happy with him back at the Sanctuary, despite everything. Now…it’s not easy for me to speak in his favor after everything that has happened, but I am rather doing this for you and for my beliefs now”, he continued, his voice becoming a bit firmer as if he was trying to reassure himself in this, but for some reason, especially the fact that he was doing it despite of the past situation, made you already believe a little more into what he was about to say.
”I’m sure he hasn’t assumed those things because he thinks little of you or there’s anything wrong between you…I think he is simply dead scared to lose you”, he finally said, his voice still a little reluctant at the last words but even more calm and, what mattered the most, genuine.
You could feel the warmth finally breaking through the layers, speaking to the part in you the devil on your shoulder hadn’t managed to suppress yet.
”So if you go back, I think the only way it gonna go is into a better direction”, he added, sighing quietly as he leaned himself only softly against the counter, placing his hand on the wood while his eyes wandered for seconds through the room before they found you again, “Take this advice or leave it, but I think else you wouldn’t stop torturing yourself. I do think we both actually know that you should do it.”
Slowly, you began to nod.
He was right, of course he was and if you were honest, you had known it from the beginning, you had just needed someone to spell it out.
Still, the idea of it was giving the fear in you something to feed on even though the growing warmth was fighting it more with each passing second.
“So will you?”, he carefully asked, as you glanced down at your hands, reluctant for a moment as you realized how bizarre this whole situation with Gabriel actually was, even though you weren’t gonna lie and say it hadn’t worked for you.
“Yeah…”, you finally mumbled, glancing up to him as you took a breath and nodded softly, “I think…I think I’ll go there after my shift.”
As soon as you had said those words, you found yourself a little astounded by them, as if this wasn’t real, just some dream you were having in your sleep but after a few more seconds, the tenseness about what you were actually gonna do showed you quickly that this way very much real.
One more time you glanced at the priest, found his healthy eye following your movements bereft he smiled slightly and gave you a soft nod.
“Thank you”, you mumbled, giving him a smile back as he shook his head slightly.
“There’s no need to thank me for that.”
“It is, I’m not sure if there’s anyone else out there who’d do it too”, you said, the smile still lingering on your lips even though there was a small sting of pain anytime you talked or just thought of the fact that your relationships with each person who had once been a close friend was either destroyed or was only slowly building up again.
“And now I’ll get you your meds”, you finally said, ripping yourself out of the odd but helpful situation this talk had brought you in, with the result that turned from being only words into reality not more than a half hour later.

The wind was biting into your skin, sending chilly and uneasy shivers down your spine as you found yourself walking towards the brownstones, while from the pocket of your jacket, the remains of your bracelet tinkled softly within the plastic bag you had carefully pushed them in.
When you had first left the infirmary, your steps had been slow, the warmth still fighting with the fear for a win until it got the apprehend and let you walk faster.
You missed him and you wanted to settle this, so why the hell make things even harder by overthinking this over and over again?
A heavy breath fell from your lips as you got closer, passed the last houses until you caught Caleb sitting on a chair in front of the entrance whose eyes were finding yours the moment you stepped closer.

”Can you get me down?”, you asked as soon as he was in earshot, seeing his glance narrowing slightly as a gulp travelled down his throat.
”You sure you really wanna do this?”, he asked, hefting himself off the chair.
”Yes.”
”I don’t understand you…”, he mumbled, his eyes wandering over your face, seemingly trying to find an answer before he let a huff out and nodded inside.
”But Rick’s already down there-”
“Rick?”, it slipped out of your lips in surprise, your brows staying puckered as you glanced at the blonde man.
“Yeah, wants to talk to him or something….anyway, he’s got a key too”, Caleb mumbled, obviously not liking your intend even though you found yourself caring little to not at all for it.
Whatever was going on in his head, and if Negan had been actually right with his interest in you, it didn’t matter.
”Okay”, you only said scantly and with a small nod, before moving past him inside the house.

You were still wondering about Rick’s visit as you found yourself making your way through the house, walking the path you had walked countless times before while trying to keep the suspense in your body as low as possible.
Finally, you got to the last door before the stairs begun and opened it softly while already voices from downstairs began to echo through to you.
At first, you only heard Rick’s voice saying something you weren’t understand as you shut the door behind yourself once more, but as then, the familiar deep voice you had missed that much spoke up, your full attention was right there, leaving you unable to move for seconds.

”C’mon Rick, I won’t turn into some fucking sappy whiney fucker with ya, I just wanna know how she’s doing…and after I had to listen to your damn fucking corny daydream future shit monologue, I think I really fucking deserve that.”

The warmth in you grew more, even enough to let a soft smile grow on your lips while it decided for you to keep staying at the beginning of the stairs for just now instead of interrupting them.

”If I’m telling you this, be sure I’m not doing that for you.”

”Well shit, Rick, I fucking know. Now I don’t know what wires in your head aren’t doing their job right now but I’m not fucking joking here.”

”I don’t know how much I need to tell you more”, a deep huff echoed from the cell through to you, seconds of silence passing before your heart began to flutter once more by his next words ,”I miss her. There you got it. I’m not even shitless scared to admit that but do what ya gotta do to use that against me. Hell, I don’t even fucking mind anymore.”

”Just tell me how she is”, he added as you felt this warmth taking you completely in, telling you that this decision to come back today had been right.

”Don’t know what you did to her but it hit her good. Don’t think she’s getting much sleep…has been pretty much throwing herself into the infirmary. I barely see her”, Rick’s voice was grumbling and quieter than Negan’s even as he let out another scoff, ”And that’s it, I’m not your message boy, Negan.”

“I’m the one in charge, not you. You’re no leader anymore, you’re a prisoner who’s rotting in this cell. You should get used to that”, with that you heard the screeching of a chair being dragged over the floor, reminding you that it was time for you to stop listening to them without their knowledge, especially because this talk seemed to be over now for at least one of them.

“Well, then is this thing here going to be some kinda weekly shit? Like some damn newspaper about what shit I’m missing out?”, Negan asked with a huff, as you heard Rick’s footsteps sounding over the cement floor.
“We’ll see”, you heard him mumble just as you gave yourself the last push and stepped down the stairs into a sudden and complete silence before Rick’s blue eyes caught yours.
“Can you open the cell for me?”, you asked, feeling how your feet hit the ground after the last step and a testing glance of Rick’s before he slowly nodded.
The cement floor scrunched beneath the soles of your boots as you finally did your last steps until you stood before the cell’s door and glanced inside.

There he was, his hazel eyes darting at you in utter surprise, dark circles stuck beneath them as if he had slept just as little as you had.
Slowly, they were softening as the seconds passed while his lips were gaping slightly open, his whole body stuck in rigidity.
The sound of the key sliding into the lock echoed through the dead calm cell in the very moment his face muscles began to become just a little less tense and allowed the corners of his lips to curl softly up as he spoke.
“You came back.”


(The gif isn’t mine/ it was originally posted by dancing-at-the-funeralparty)
tagging:
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The first half of an imagine about the fifth episode of season 8

As Negan and Gabriel are stuck in the trailer, the reader witnesses their talk and eventually also the big role she plays in Negan’s confession

the latest part
all other previous parts

(Side note: You don’t have to read any previous parts to understand the plot! I hope you all like it and enjoy reading)
(The gif isn’t mine/ it was originally posted by dancing-at-the-funeralparty)

image

Everything laid in ashes outside the Sanctuary as you made your way through the mess Rick and the rest of your friends along with their allies had left.
You could feel the tension on your whole body as you heard the groans of the walkers sounding through the air while your glance got carried away from the Savior Negan had commanded to get you inside.
You had tried to urge Negan to come with you but obviously, it hadn’t worked.
Whatever he was trying to do outside here to turn the situation into a better one, all while he was hurt, you weren’t a fan of it, rather the complete opposite.
And that was when the walkers hadn’t been there yet.
Now they were streaming onto the compound and you had no idea where Negan was anymore, just as you had no idea where Gabriel was who you had seen just moments ago.

The groans got louder while you were still searching for Negan and Gabe who had now seemed to have completely disappeared into thin air.
Your glance kept searching, regardless of how many walkers were stumbling into your field of view before a loud scream ripped you out of the trance you were swaying in.
Within a second your glance captured walkers way too close to you and the blood overflowed head and shoulders of the man who was supposed to get you inside.
More screams escaped his mouth while you saw how more and more walkers got drawn over to you while their rotting teeth dug into your companion’s skin as he went to the ground before your mind got what was happening right now here.
To the fear you had about Negan and Gabe attended the adrenaline that shot through your veins as your widened eyes searched for a weapon.
As you already felt the first rotting fingertips brushing against your skin you hastily grabbed a slim metallic pipe from the floor, the groans pounding through your head as loud as the sound of your fast heartbeat.
You couldn’t die here, hell, you wouldn’t.

Heavily breathing and still hearing the screams of the Savior in the back of your head, the end of the pipe repeatedly stabbed into the decaying Walker heads.
You couldn’t get to the door that lead inside, it was still way too far away and the Savior and the mass of walkers that were tearing the flesh from his dead body were a barrier you couldn’t defeat.
Your heart pounded harsher against your chest before your eyes caught a trailer behind some more pipes that had secured walkers before the attack.
With fast steps you shoved yourself past the dead, the pipe still tightly in your hands, ready to kill while you felt how their cold hands tried to get a hold of you.

You were stuck in some kind of trance, your mind only focussed on surviving until you landed with a thud on the ground and eventually rolled beneath the trailer.
You took a deep breath as you crawled into its middle before you noticed two heavily decayed walkers that had found your little hideout.
The cold ground pressed against your body as you let a deep sigh out and crawled over the cement, the small space between the ground and the metal above you giving your mind and your movements a hard time until you were close enough and their rotting arms almost reached your body.
“Shit”, you growled as you dug the pipe into their heads, their blood splattering against your skin before their bodies immediately went limp as you stayed put for a moment.
Had they attracted more?
It wasn’t that unlikely.
Hell, there was a mass of those dead assholes outside, it was a wonder that only those two had noticed how you had rolled beneath the trailer.

You rolled again on your back, sighing deeply before the worries made their way back into your head.
You tried to suppress the thought of what could’ve happened, told yourself that Negan was just fine and probably just hiding somewhere until you couldn’t anymore.
What if he hadn’t made it?
What if they had swarmed him like the Savior who had been supposed to get you inside?
What if?
You bit your lip, pressed your eyes tightly shut as if it would successfully urge those questions out of your mind.
And of course, it didn’t work.
And as you laid there, the walkers groaning and pounding against the sides of the trailer, and the thought of a heavily injured or even dead Negan in your head you began to realize something.
It didn’t matter how much you shouldn’t, how guilty you felt, how much you didn’t want to admit it or how wrong it might’ve been, you couldn’t deny and you couldn’t lie to yourself anymore.
The fear and the concern just showed you the truth your mind had tried all the time to stop from showing.
You didn’t just care about him, you were beginning to slowly develop deep feelings for him.
Slowly, hell, almost at a glacial pace, but well, surely.
You could ask yourself why and what the hell was wrong with you as much as you wanted, tell yourself that you shouldn’t, but that wouldn’t change the fact that you were.
Emotions are uncontrollable, that’s just the goddamn way it is.

“We can wait it out a little bit, see if my people can figure something out.
One thing that is sure as ass if my people think I’m dead a lot of folks are gonna die in there”, you suddenly heart a familiar voice sound through the metal above you that separated you from the inside.
You propped yourself on your elbows to get closer to the metal, unsure if your mind was just playing tricks on you.
Was Negan actually in there?
“Why?”, you heard Gabriel’s voice say as you couldn’t really believe your ears. “Listen to me. I don’t have shit to confess. Except maybe the fact that I rubbed one out right where you’re sitting just to calm down a bit.”
Yeah, that was definitely Negan in there.
A small relieved laugh fell from your lips, realizing that both of them were as good as safe inside there and as much as it looked like right now, they were just talking.
They were just fucking talking and not trying to rip each other’s heads off.

“Did you see if she got in? (Y/N)?”, you heard Negan ask.
“Why’d you care?”, Gabe’s voice replied in a snarky tone while the sound of the growling walkers outside almost over-toned him.
“Why? Well shit, Gabe, I just do…now tell me. Did you see her?”, Negan growled back, the dangerous hiss in his voice being even able to hear through the metal that separated you.
You wanted to tell them, let them know that you were alive but you couldn’t.
You couldn’t pound against the metal and call for them, you couldn’t see a way they could get you immediately up inside to them so making just a little too many noises would let you end up just as dead as the walkers outside.
“No”, you heard Gabriel answer.
“Fuck”, Negan scoffed while you gulped hardly down and felt how the frustration in your body grew.
You laid there, beneath the trailer, not more than a few feet separated from them and you still couldn’t do a single thing.
“…I still got her knife…I forgot to give her the fucking knife back”, you heard Negan’s voice again, now some desperation swinging in it before he got oddly quiet and the growls and groans were the only things you could hear.

“Let me ask you something”, you heard Negan began after a pause that had seemed from beneath the trailer way too long before he raised his voice again.
“Why’d you become a priest?”
“I love God, and I love people. I wanted to bring them together. To help people through their difficult times. To help them through their weaknesses”, you heard Gabriel’s voice say while you found yourself laying somewhere between the both of them.
“Well, look at that. That’s my thing. I like to help people through their weaknesses, too. Been doing it one way or another my whole life”, you heard Negan’s voice say before Gabriel snapped right back.
“How do you help people?”, Gabriel asked again with the snarky undertone from before.
“You want to know why people are gonna start dying in there? Because I’m not there to stop it”, you heard Negan scoff before Gabriel’s voice sound through the metal again.
“You helped the weak before this?”
“Kids. You don’t show them the way, well, they turn out like garbage. Little assholes become great big ones, so you show them the way…Adults, they need it, too…the government, laws, religion, guilt”
You knew about his past as a coach, hell, he had told you just hours ago and before Rick and the others had arrived here.
And you had your own little experiences with Negan doing that, helping you through a weakness even though you weren’t proud of it.
The nightmares you had, well you couldn’t deny that Negan had helped you with them.
“People are weak”, Negan added as you were about to sink into your thoughts.
“Everyone?”
“Everyone.”
“You’re weak. Killing the innocent”, Gabriel said as you actually were a little surprised at how confident he was in there, of course, he had already been more confident before Negan had separated you from them in that one night, but it seemed now that he had grown even more over all the time you had been gone.
“Right and goddamn wrong. I’m weak, but me “killing the innocent”? That ain’t why, Gabey”, Negan’s voice sounded again through to you before he raised it again.
“We’ll wait a little bit longer, see if my people can pull it together”
“Why are you weak?”, Gabriel probed some more while you heard how one of them walked around in the trailer, probably Negan.
“That’s the wrong question. It is how I am weak. You see, the thing is, I am also strong. Everyone is a mix. You can use your weaknesses to drive your strength, and obviously, I am strong as shit”, you heard Negan add with a chuckle.
“I took this place, and it was a damn free-for-all…a loose confederation of assholes, an army made up of gangs of animals, and I brought it all together.
The last guy that was in charge, he wasn’t in charge of shit”, you heard him say while you realized that you hadn’t known about that before.
You knew a lot about Negan by now, but you had never talked to him about how he had started at the Sanctuary.
“He allowed people to be weak. I don’t. I make them strong, which makes this world strong. You’re gonna see, Gabey. See, I’m gonna make you my new special project. Gonna make you nice and strong, too. We’re gonna find your special purpose. Hell yes, we are”, you heard him add before you suddenly heard a small groan.

A walker, only the torso, its head and one of its arms left, probably torn apart by the explosion before, slowly crawled over the ground into your direction.
And it was already that close that you should’ve noticed it way before now.
“Shit”, you mumbled with a scoff, rolling on your side to drag the pipe into the burned skin that covered its skull while you realized that Negan and Gabe’s conversation was distracting you more than you had thought.
And as you rolled again on your back, their voices did it again.

“I’m strong. I’ve killed. I was at the satellite station. I was a part of that”, you heard Gabriel’s voice say.
“Oh. Then you killed my fucking people while they were sleeping. Well, look at you, swinging your dick”, Negan chuckled as you heard some more footsteps above you.
“She was there too. She killed your men too, just like she did again in Alexandria when the war began”, Gabriel began again and you saw what he was trying to do there.
“I’ve already guessed that and hell, I’ve seen that too. Nothing you can surprise me with, Gabey. I’ve spent day and night with that girl for fucking months now. I know her better than your holy head might think”, you heard Negan say before you heard a few more footsteps above you.
“Either way, Gabe. That’s strong. But that’s not what I’m talking about.”
“Tell me how you’re weak. We might be dead soon. You may be dead. Wouldn’t you want to confess before all that happens? Wouldn’t you want absolution before that? Forgiveness? Costs you nothing more than saying the truth aloud.
You don’t think you have anything to confess?”, Gabriel began again, trying to get something out of him, if he had something to confess about the people he had killed or the way he lead the Sanctuary, Negan always had an answer.
“Carl told us about your wives. The women you pressure into marrying you?”, Gabriel asked and you didn’t need to see Negan’s face to know how he was looking at Gabriel now.
“Every one of those ladies made a choice”, you heard him saw before you heard footsteps again.
“(Y/N)? Did you ever pressure her-”
“I’ve never pressured her into anything with me”, he growled now loudly and there it was, the first sore point of Negan Gabriel had found.
You.
But Negan was right, he had never done that.
“I’d never do that. I’ve killed men for pulling that shit on women”, his voice said again, now harder for you to understand as he had become dangerously calm again.
“Was there a first? One before all of this? Before all of those ‘Wives’? A wife you promised to have and to hold, forsaking all others? One you told that lie to?”, you heard Gabe ask and even though you weren’t in the room and laid instead on the cold hard ground, you could feel the rising tension in it before gunshots let you flinch up.
With widened eyes you stared at the metal above you, your heart seemed to stop beating for a second before it began to harshly pound as you hoped that you wouldn’t hear the thud of a body hitting the floor.

You didn’t, instead, you heard the loud thud that sounded as if it was coming from a door and then Negan’s loud roaring voice.
“All right, Gabe! No one’s coming for us. You took your shot-…shots.” 
In between the footsteps that were sounding through the metal from above the floor, you heard Negan’s voice talking to Gabriel.
He wasn’t mad, he wasn’t yelling, he was actually being pretty calm for just being shot at.
In between the groans and growls you heard him telling him how he was planning to get out, that he didn’t want to kill him, he wanted him to work with him and that working together was all he ever wanted.
You felt how a bit relief washed over your body before you heard what Gabriel told Negan.
You couldn’t understand it all, he was a bit farther away from you than Negan was and the walkers were still groaning and growling loudly, but you didn’t need to hear everything to get what he was talking about.
It was the story about what he had done when all this had begun, how he had locked the people out of his church, how he had heard them scream, how he wanted to make up for that now and as he was telling that, you could remember how you all found out about his past such a long time ago.
“I will go with you…I will show you that working together as equals is the only true way to grace, to a future…I will do this if you confess”, was what you heard Gabriel say as he raised his voice more loudly again.
“Jesus, Gabe. What you did, that is some horrible, cowardly, spineless shit.
But I guess that’s what a confession’s supposed to be, right?”, you heard Negan say before he got quiet for a moment.

“My first wife was a real wife. My only real wife….till death did us part…It was before this…”, Negan began while the sound of his voice, the way he was trying to keep it steady made it just more obvious to you how much he was fighting to keep the control.
“I lied to her,…I screwed around on her”, you heard Negan continued, while the growing lump in his throat could be heard through his voice.
You knew about her, not everything, not that he had cheated on her, but you knew some small pieces to the puzzle Negan’s past was to you.
“And she was sick…And when she went…When she went, it was during this…I couldn’t put her down”, you heard him say while the sound of his voice, the tremble in it and the way you had to imagine how he was standing there now created a pain in your body that just made you want to get to him even more.
“If (Y/N)…if she-”, he began but stopped just as abruptly as he had begun, while you gulped hardly down, not knowing what he was about to say now.
“I haven’t screwed one of them for some time now…I just began to feel like crap when I did…I couldn’t anymore at some point. Felt like I was betraying her just like I did to my first wife…And I can’t do the same goddamn mistakes again”, Negan said with a trembling voice, while his words and the raw way he talked about you caused something in you that you couldn’t even describe.
“And now, now I don’t even know if she’s still alive or…I don’t know if I could put her down.”
And in this moment you just wished you could go through this floor and tell him that you were alive and okay.
God, you just wanted to wrap your arms around him and comfort him.
You breathed sharply in as you realized what he has said right now and under which circumstances he had said those things.
Things he may have never admitted if he hadn’t thought that he might die in the next minutes.
You weren’t supposed to hear that and still, you had.
“So that’s how I was weak. How I still might be weak for fuck’s sake…That is what I will confess. Because, yeah, maybe we do bite the big one here.”

Negan’s voice still sounded through your head as you heard how the door above you opened with a thud but before you could think more about what he had confessed about you, loud groans lead your glance to your shoes.
“Damn”, you grumbled as you saw how a walker began to slowly crawl past the dead bodies on the ground over to you.
Your hand tightened around the cold, already blood covered pipe as you tried to stab its end into the walkers head, but before you could even nearly reach it another one began to press its dead body past it.
That wasn’t good, that was the complete opposite of good.
It was just a matter of time till they would distract and lead other walkers over to you and let them push further inside until they would reach you and then this rusting pipe wouldn’t help you that much either.
Cursing you tried to push yourself away from them, your back chuffed against the hard floor while you tried to use your legs as much as the room beneath the trailer allowed it.
You had to get as far away from them as you could even though you had no idea what to do once you’d reach the trailer’s end because right now, there didn’t seem to be a way to get into its inside.
“Fuck”, you suddenly squirmed as a stinging pain dragged across the side of your hip while you tried to hold a loud pain filled groan in.
Within a second, your glance caught the fragment of glass that was doubted in your blood while your trembling fingers reached out to the torn part of your shirt that was already painted in a deep red shade.
For a moment you exhaled even a little relieved as you saw that even though the wound burned like hell, it wasn’t deep.

The stinging pain let you grit your teeth as you crawled on your back over the hard ground, desperately trying to find a way out before a small hollow caught your glance.
A hatchway.
With a harshly pounding heart and a mind that was trying its best to stay levelheaded, you tried to find a way to open it, tried to press the pipe as good as you could into the small space between the metal of the trailer and the metallic hatchway to let it bounce open before you heard the dull sound of footsteps above you.
“Negan? Gabe?”, you called out, drumming with your flat hand and the pipe against the metal.
You had to risk that now, it would attract more dead, of course, but if you wouldn’t do anything the walkers that were now already reaching out to your shoes would do the same thing and make you end up as a goddamn walker snack.
“Negan”, you called out again before you saw how a burden fell from your shoulders as the hatchway got ripped open.
“Holy hell”, you heard his deep voice exhale as his widened eyes darted at you, his hands immediately reaching out to you to drag you in.

A small grunt left your lips as you heaved yourself up and felt how Negan’s arms wrapped around your waist as he pulled you closer into his embrace.
With a loud thud, the closing door barraged the view to the rotting hands that were already reaching out to the point where you had laid just seconds ago before Negan’s voice ripped you away from the dead.
“No…”, you heard his abruptly quiet and shaky voice exhale.
Your glance shot up at him as you caught how his widened eyes darted at the blood-soaked part of your shirt while his fingers which had a firm grip on your waist suddenly loosened in shock.
“It’s just a cut”, it blustered out of you while Negan hardly swallowing looked up to you, not fully seeming to believe your words.
“Negan, it‘s just a cut“, you mumbled in a soothing tone as your hand wandered to your shirt and pulled it up until the cut was showing.
„It‘s not even deep. It just happened, that’s why it’s bleeding that much. Negan?“, you asked as he stared at the cut, his brows pulled tight while he gulped harshly down once again.
„Negan?“, you asked again as you reached out to his wrist to get his attention back to your face.
„I thought for a moment…”, he mumbled as he hardly gulped down and pinched the bridge of his nose for a moment before he breathed sharply in, trying to recollect himself while the confession, he didn’t even know you heard from beneath the trailer, made its way back into your mind.
“How’s your leg?”, you asked to finally lead the conversation away from you and your wound.
“That fucker is alright”, Negan replied with a small snort before he let out a sigh.
“And you?”, you asked as you looked over to Gabriel who had watched the scene between Negan and you closely.
“This fucker is alright as well”, you heard Negan say with a small chuckle as you just saw how Gabriel nodded slowly.
“Instead to the asshole who was supposed to get you in, huh?”, Negan asked with a sigh as you looked back to him and nodded slowly.

Before anyone of you could say something else, the sound of another breaking wooden plank that had barraged one of the windows echoed through the trailer.
“Alright, now we really gotta get our asses out of here”, Negan sighed as he stood up and held his hand out for you to take it.
You let your hand slide into his before you felt him lifting you up with ease as you already saw the dead walker Negan had pulled inside.
“Sucks, but it looks like we got to risk eating it”, he huffed as he began to rip the corpse open,“by eating it.”
“I don’t understand”, you heard Gabriel say while the dead flesh squelched as Negan cut it wider open.
“You ever done this trick with the guts before?”, Negan asked as he looked for a short moment up to you as you both nodded.
“These are putrid, decaying organs, dead blood, piss, and shit that have been cooking all day in the Virginian sun. None of your people ever gotten sick from this?”, Negan asked as he breathed sharply in while the sound of breaking bones sounded through the trailer.
“We’re from Georgia”, Gabriel responded drily as you couldn’t hold a small chuckle in.
 “Well fuck, look how damn lucky you’ve been”, Negan chuckled before he looked back to the corpse and made one last slit.
“Daddy has served up some dinner, so now: Dig in!”, Negan chuckled as he looked with a wide smirk and a small wink up to you while you couldn’t hold a small, maybe even bewildered chuckle in.
How could that man in this situation still have the nerve to use a rotten and slit open corpse to flirt with you?

You gulped down as you just moments later gripped into the corpse, your bare hands immediately covering in blood and pieces of flesh as you grabbed some of the innards.
Wrinkling your nose and trying to not let the disgusting smell travel up, you splashed the cold blood and rotting organs over your jacket over and over again.
With a small grunt you looked down on you, discovering to your annoyance that you weren’t done yet before you grabbed Negan’s knife that laid next to the dead body and cut the body wider open, only to begin all over again, trying to not think about the smell that got worse with every second.

You grabbed another handful of rotten flesh and spread it over your jacket before you were ready to stand up but suddenly felt one of Negan’s hands on your waist and the ugly feeling of organs dripping over your back.
“What-?”, you asked surprised as you turned around to Negan and just saw him shrugging his shoulders slightly, his glance still focused on your back.
“Just wanna make sure”, he grumbled as his one hand held you steady and the other loaded the last bit of rotting organs on your back before you eventually stood up.
“And before I forget that shit again: Here’s your knife”, Negan said with a small sigh as he pulled your knife from his belt and quickly placed it in your hand before he leaned over to the window and slowly pushed the curtains aside.
“Let’s make some noise”, he mumbled as he held Lucille tightly in his hands and drummed it along with your calls against the door, right before he grabbed the handle and swung the door open without batting an eye as the walkers stumbled up the stairs.

The walkers wandered into the trailer as you felt how Negan’s hand slowly reached out to you before his fingers laced with yours, making sure that the dead didn’t tear you apart from each other.
Your glance wandered to Gabriel, who had both of his hands clinging to the gun that was tightly pressed against his gut covered chest before you slowly began to walk out of the trailer.

Carefully, you headed down the stairs, feeling how the dead bodies brushed against yours as you kept holding tightly onto your knife as well as Negan’s hand.
The floor beneath your shoes was covered in blood and guts, turning it into a slippery mess that challenged you to not fall while the clutter of walkers around you that pushed you from side to side made it even harder to keep walking.
Clenching your jaw you felt the way your foot twitched as you stepped on something slippery you didn’t even want to think about what it exactly was.
A sharp breath escaped your lips as you slid slightly to the side as you pressed Negan’s hand tightly to keep your body, that threatened to lose balance, up until you felt the hard ground beneath your feet again.
You tried to stare forward and just hope that Gabriel behind you wouldn’t get cut off from you until you heard a thud behind you before you saw from the corner of your eyes how a walker reached out to him as he stumbled back up.

And within a second, you weren’t walking disguised in between with them anymore, you were fighting them.

Negan’s bat crushed down to the walker that reached out to Gabe as you dragged your knife into the walker’s head that eyed Negan’s shoulder dangerously close.
Feeling the dead hands gripping your body you kept stabbing your knife into their rotting skulls, trying to make your way through them along with Negan and Gabriel while more and more dead seemed to stream into your direction.
Your heart was thumping like mad as you slid the blade out of one dead while you saw how Negan seized a walker and pushed it with all his strength through the crowd, all while you heard how Gabriel used the last bullets he had left.
You kept fighting, doing all in your might to keep the walkers off of Negan, Gabe and yourself before you felt how not cold walker hands but big, warm ones grabbed you and dragged you with them away from the walkers right into a corner.
“Just me. I got you”, you just heard Negan’s raspy voice say to you as you saw him next to you, as well as Gabriel before your glance wandered up and made your eyes widen as you saw how more walkers wandered over the platform above you directly into your direction as you already saw them stumbling off of it.

Your body landed with a thud on the hard ground again, a groan left your lips as you felt how another cold body landed on yours, its head smashing as soon as it hit the ground while you tried to find Negan and Gabriel with widened eyes.
Pure panic mixed with the adrenaline as you caught Negan’s body on the ground while a heavily decayed walker crawled up to him, its mouth wrenched wide open as it grabbed Negan’s leg.
With all your strength you shoved the dead body from yours and reached out to the walker.
There was no way you’d let it get Negan, no damn way.
You grabbed its hair, dragged its head back as the skin already detached from its skull until you could let your knife rush down to it and let the body go limp within a second.
Negan lifted his upper body up as you still had a tight hold on the dead walker’s head before you turned around and searched for Gabriel who pushed just in this second a dead body from his own.
“Up”, you just heard Negan’s voice say before you looked back and already saw him standing up, his hand reaching out for your wrist before he pulled you up, just like you did with Gabriel a second after that.

With a fast move, Negan gave you a leg-up, letting you go up to the platform until you could crawl with the last strength you had left on it before you already saw Gabriel coming up.
Grabbing his hands you dragged him towards your own body until he was surely on the platform before you both crawled to its end to help Negan to get up.
With all, you had left you pulled this tall man up to you, all while you already saw again how the other walkers stumbled up the stairs again, towards you.

The next moments you saw yourself running panting over to the next staircase, Gabe and Negan always in your gaze until you stormed towards a small alley, just separated from you through a lattice fenced door.
You saw Gabriel grabbing its handle, pulling it open before the three of you rushed inside.
Negan pushed the lattice fence in front of your bodies, just a second before some walkers pushed against it and began to lace their fingers through the holes, trying to drag the fence off the wall before your glance met Gabriel’s who leaned gasping for air against the wall.
“You okay?”, you asked, trying to catch your breath as you saw how he nodded while he tried to calm his adrenaline filled body down.
“Sweetheart?”, you heard Negan ask breathlessly as you turned your head to him and caught his glance.
“I’m fine”, you replied, still fighting for more air before you asked with a small nod back.
“Me too, baby, me fucking too”, he mumbled with a heavy and fast up and down rising chest.
“Alright, now let’s get our asses away from those fuckers”, Negan mumbled, before he took a deep breath and nodded over to the staircase at the end of the small alley you were standing in. 

With every step, you made you heard how the walkers’ groans got quieter and the tension that was laying on all of your bodies slowly decreased until Negan lead you to a door.
“Here we go”, he mumbled as he opened the metallic door with a heavy swing and held it open.
Your breath slowly got back to normal as you made your way through the empty hallways of the Sanctuary until you heard voices that got louder with every step you made into their direction.
“For fuck’s sake, what the hell is going on here”, you heard Negan scoff as he swung Lucille back on his shoulder, right as a gunshot sounded through the air, followed by an angry female voice.

Negan let out a deep sigh before you heard his whistle sounding through the hallway just before your glance wandered to your left, finding a hallway filled with kneeling people, the victim of the bullet that had just been fired between them.
“Ah, Regina. Now, why’d you have to go and do that?”, Negan asked with a sigh as he looked at the short-haired woman who stared back at him, all while you saw from the corner of your eyes how also Gabriel slowly sank to his knees.
“I am guessing that a lot of you fine folks thought I was dead, chewed up, never to be crapped out again. Well, here’s a little refresher on who the hell I am. I wear a leather jacket, I have Lucille, and my nutsack is made of steel. I am not dying until I am damn good and ready”, Negan called out as he leaned back and pointed with Lucille into the mass.
“Now, if you’ll all excuse me, I am in deep need of a sandwich, a shower and I really gotta go get my girl patched up”, he said as he stroke quickly over his stubble before he raised his voice again.
“But after that, we have some serious business to attend to. Like talking to my right-hand man…You see, we got to figure out how all this could’ve happened like it happened. And then, well, and then we’re gonna get back doing what we have always done. We will save people”, Negan’s voice sounded through the hallway and before he already turned with a small smirk towards you a female voice made him stop.
“Thank you, Negan. Thank God for you”, the voice called from somewhere between the people out as you saw Negan chuckle before he looked down to Gabriel.
“And that is why I am here”, he said while you could hear his wide grin through his words before he looked back to the people and pointed to two men.
“Gentlemen, gently take him to number 2. Gently”, he said with a quick hand movement.
Number 2?
Number 2 was a damn cell.
Negan turned and walked over to you, directly leaning in to you as he saw the reaction to his command.
“He’s gonna be just fine”, he said as his lips brushed past your ear and he placed his hand on the small of your back to lead you through the hallway.  
“What? Yep, he’s in a cell but I’ll get him some cozy as hell mattress in there, some new clothes, pillows, blankets and shit..and yeah, also food and water. So no damn need to worry, Sweetheart. Gonna treat our survivor buddy well”, he said as he looked over at you as you walked down the hallway towards Negan’s apartment.
“I just can’t have my people question shit right now. He’s from Rick’s side so I first gotta get him inside there, doesn’t mean he has to stay in there”, Negan said as you let out a small sigh.
“I really mean it, he’s gonna get this shit and that’s damn fine for someone who wanted to kill my ass”, Negan said with a light chuckle before you slowly nodded.
“Alright”, you mumbled, knowing that Negan was right and you wouldn’t get anything better for Gabriel out of this situation even though you still couldn’t stand the thought of him being in a cell.
“Can I see him tomorrow?”, you asked as you bit your lip, hoping that you just made the right move.
“Alright”, Negan said with a small before he stopped in front of his door and let it eventually swing open.
You stepped in, all while the thoughts about his confession and all those things he had said in the trailer slowly sneaked back into your mind and swirled not just some questions but more importantly, a big bunch of feelings in you up.


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Days before Rick arrives at the Sanctuary, Negan and the Reader got other serious challenges of different kinds to manage together

the latest part
all other previous parts

(Side note: You don’t have to read any previous parts to understand the plot! I hope you all like it and enjoy reading)

(The gif isn’t mine/ it was originally posted by dancing-at-the-funeralparty)

image

Now he knew.
Now Negan knew that you cared about him as well.
And that was, to be honest, really fucked up in your situation.
As someone who called Rick and the others family, as sister to Daryl, you should want him dead and now, well now you had just days ago saved him from Walker Sasha.
To make things more messed up, you had also fought with your friends against Saviors after the war had broken out and killed more than just a few of them.
This whole thing was messing greatly with you, your anger about the things Negan had done that day, especially the thing he had done almost to Carl, was still there, but so was also the bond that had build up between you and him.
You knew that it was messing with him as well, to not be able to punish someone for killing his men or rather the fact that he was caring that much about someone again that he was breaking his own rules, the ones he was praising over and over again in front of his people.
He had these moments where you could see how his thoughts and the actual fear to lose his reputation overwhelmed him and made him tense every muscle in his body and then again moments in which he was acting carefree around you.
But that didn’t change that he had to do something to keep his rules, his reputation, everything he had build up going.

So there you were, sitting with him on the black leather couch, hearing what he wanted to do to let the people at the Sanctuary think you had gotten your proper punishment.
And his solution meant for you to not be seen with him and with that to live like a bird in a gilded cage aka. his apartment and have Simon with you every time you made a step out of the door.
In short, look like you were some kind of damn prisoner.
“I know you don’t fucking like it, but neither do I, really. It’s just till I know that they’ve swallowed the goddamn pill”, he said with a deep sigh as he looked over to you.
“I had this fucking attack of two of my goddamn own just days ago, I can’t have that again”, he said tensed as he leaned back into the leather of the couch.
“I know”, you mumbled as you let out a small sigh.
You could understand him, you really could but that didn’t really change that you didn’t like the idea of just being trapped inside of this room, without the possibility to get out when you wanted to.
Sadly, you knew that there was no other way.
“I need you to give me your knife as well”, Negan added with a big sigh while you gulped hardly down and could feel yourself tensing up.
“As soon as this thing’s over, I’ll get it back, right?”, you said as you looked at Negan as saw him nodding.
“You’re gonna. I’ll make sure you’re not gonna need it anyway”, he said and you could see that he knew how much you disliked all of this.

The days passed and Negan’s whole plan was just as shitty as you had imagined it to be.
Once till now, you had been on a little “trip”, with Simon, but that hadn’t really made it any better.
It wasn’t that you had something here to spend your time with, you had seen a few TVs here and there in other rooms but right now there was none in Negan’s and there wasn’t a lot else in his room that could let the time pass faster.
Boredom was a big luxury these days, you knew that but actually, it wasn’t really the boredom that was bothering you, it was the thoughts about what happened, what was happening right now and what was about to happen between your family out there and Negan, that were coming back.

With a huff, you got up and slowly walked around the room for the felt thousandth time before your eyes caught a good bunch of books that were laying on the last part of the shelf in one corner of his room.
You crouched down, let your glance wander over the backs of the books before you pulled the most interesting seeming ones out into your arms and walked over with them to the bed.

With a small grunt, you let them fall on it before you jumped back in and began to browse through them until you heard a familiar knock on the door before Negan walked in.
You didn’t like to admit it, but you were really beginning to look forward to see him.
“Holy shit, now what’s that”, Negan asked with a chuckle as he lifted Lucille off his shoulder and nodded over to the books around you.
“Needed something to kill my time with”, you said as he got out of his leather jacket and walked a bit closer.
Negan made a small movement with his head, hinting to you to scoot a little before you did and he let himself fall next to you on the bed, your sides pressed closely against each other.
“Now let’s see what you got here”, Negan mumbled as he sat a little up, grabbed the nearest book and let himself fall back into the pillow.
“Some nature and its fucking wonders crap…but holy shit, it’s a special edition!”, Negan called with an ironic undertone out as he chuckled and looked eventually over to you.
“Yeah, it has fun facts on every site”, you said with a small laugh as you nodded to the small book in his hands.
“That’s the special thing about it?”, Negan asked as if you wanted to ask if you were kidding him.
“I guess”, you said as you slightly shrugged and leaned back.
Negan grumbled as he began to look over the page you had left the book open at before his lips left a throaty chuckle.
“Guess I’m an elephant”, he muttered widely grinning before he bit his lip and looked over to you.
You raised your eyebrows questioning before Negan gave the book over to you and pointed at the ridiculously colorful “fun fact” at the bottom of the page.
“The elephant penis is so huge that males can rest on it like it is a leg. When erect, it can weigh in at 60 pounds and can be more than 3 feet long”
“Oh my…”, you muttered, as you looked up from the book and over to Negan.
“Yeah, that’s mostly the damn reaction”, he chuckled as his glance went from you to his crotch and back to you.
“I don’t even have words for you anymore”, you said half bewildered before you couldn’t do else than allow yourself to laugh.
“Come on don’t act so innocent…I do not think it was fucking coincidence that you let this damn thing open on exactly this side”, he teasingly said as you let out a grunt and shoved his shoulder with a grin, that made him laugh just more.
“I’m gonna take a damn shower now. If I was you, I’d prefer to fucking join me instead to browsing through these damn books”, he said grinning,  while you were a hundred percent sure that he exactly knew that you wouldn’t take this offer anyway, but well, you also knew that he loved teasing you way too much to just stop it.
“Well, good that you’re not me”, you teased back as Negan let out a chuckle, patted your knee and stood back up just to walk over to the bathroom.

About an hour later you laid in the bed, Negan on the couch like he had done it all the nights after Alexandria to give you some time and space.
You tried to fall asleep while your thoughts circled around the nightmares you had more often than you liked.
In Alexandria’s good times, you rarely had them.
Of course, they weren’t completely gone, but except for a few nights, you had mostly slept like a log, without waking up once in the whole night.
But these nights were already a long time over, things had changed and the way your mind tried to cope with all of them in your sleep showed that in a cruel way.
At first, it was just your friends, your family.
Now they had for a bit, another person had joined them and this certain person was no one else than Negan.
To your surprise, they hadn’t visited you the last nights, but you knew that it was just a matter of time since they would come back.
It could be tonight, the next night or maybe the night after that but regardless when it would be, it would probably be worse than you wanted to imagine.

With a quiet sigh, you sunk deeper into the soft black pillows and closed your eyes, hoping that you would find peace in your sleep.
But that hope had to vanish way too soon.

“Help us”, you heard familiar voices scream as you ran through the darkness, searching panicking for the source of the screams while your legs grew more and more tired with every step.
“Please”, the voices screamed as you kept running, your head pounding and your heart pumping heavily against your chest as the panic in your body grew with every second.
Screams, then silence.
Darkness, then faint light that made you scream in pain.
“You’re too late”, the voices said as you stared screaming at the bodies that laid blood overflowed on the ground.
“No”, you repeatedly sobbed as you fell to your knees, pulling the first body into your arms as you saw who it was.
Daryl.
“Come back”, you sobbed, pulling your brother’s body tightly against your chest, leaned your head whimpering against his before your eyes widened as he slowly began to disappear.
“No, No!”, you screamed, trying panicking to get a hold of him before he was gone and nothing else than his blood that was sticking onto you was left.
“He won’t come back”, the voices whispered as you crawled over the floor, seeing how more and more of the bodies began to disappear.
“You’ve failed”, the voices whispered again as you threw yourself sobbing next to another body, trying to make them stay as you began to recognize the body in its black leather jacket.
“No, please no”, you sobbed as you cupped his face, turning him to face you as more and more tears ran down your face, dropped on his blood covered skin as you stroke with your thumb over his stubble as if it would bring him back.
It didn’t, with every second he began to disappear just like Daryl, just like everybody else, leaving you alone in the middle of the darkness, sobbing and whimpering in pain before your glance shot up.
“You couldn’t save us”, they said, the voices, but it weren’t just voices anymore.
They stood all there in front of you, blood all over their faces and bodies as they stared at you.
Everyone from home, everyone you’ve cared about, everyone that meant something to you.
They all stared at you while you slowly grew out of breath, your head pounded and your body was just strong enough to let your lips leave pain-filled whimpers.

“…Holy Shit, Sweetheart…Come on, wake up”, a voice began to rip you out of your sleep before your eyes fluttered open and you saw Negan staring concernedly at you.
Your chest was still rising in a fast pace up and down as you slowly sat up and tried to calm yourself down.
Your top stuck damply to your skin while you felt how the cold sweat that was laying like a nippy sheet over your body let cold shudders run up and down your back.
”Shit”, you just heard Negan mutter as you felt his hand reaching out to your arm as you first looked up to him.
“I’m okay”, you mumbled, gulping hardly down as you saw him sighing and slightly shaking his head.
“Now we both know that’s not the goddamn truth”, he said sighing but in a softer tone, as you sighed as well and tried to escape his glance, you still didn’t like to seem weak in front of him.
“Come here”, he muttered, probably surprised that you actually allowed him to pull you over to him and slowly let yourself lean against him as he wrapped his arms around your body.
You should’ve felt bad for letting especially him comfort you, you should’ve felt again like the asshole you felt like after you had saved him from Sasha, but you couldn’t.
Not right now while your mind was still swinging in some kind of trance and desperately tried to find some rest.
In a slow pace, Negan’s hand stroke over your back, letting your tensed body slowly relax while you stayed huddled against his chest.
Your breath got back to normal, the pictures slowly vanished out of your mind while you just let him hold you for a good while.

“You need something else?”, you heard him ask as you slowly broke out of his embrace.
“I guess just a cold shower”, you muttered as you gulped down.
“Well shit…Too bad, I can’t help you with that…showers with me are always just really fucking hot”, he said with a small grin, but the way that it seemed like he wanted to cheer you up or even make you laugh.
“Idiot”, you mumbled, but couldn’t hold a slight grin from pressing into the corner of your lips.
“Now that’s what I wanted to fucking see”, he said while a mix between a grin and a smile as he pointed slightly to your lips.
Yes, Negan had odd ways to cheer someone up but anyway, it worked.

Moments later you stood on your weak legs while Negan had walked over to his closet.
“Wanna take that with you for later? Just for tonight. I’ll have Simon or Dwight get you new shit tomorrow”, he said as he pulled one of his shirts out of a drawer.
Given the way your clothes were still uncomfortably sticking to your body you nodded slightly, and took the shirt as Negan handed it over to you.
”Take your damn time. I’ll be here when you come back”, he said as he walked back to the couch.
”You don’t need to stay awake for me”, you said as you looked swallowing hard at him.
”Well, maybe I don’t need to, but the damn thing is, I want to”, he said as he let out a sigh and sat down on the armrest of his couch.
“Okay”, you quietly said with a nod before you walked over to the bathroom.

Minutes later you turned the shower on and felt the cool water rushing over your body as you tried to get your mind clear.
And slowly the guilt made its way back into your body.
You couldn’t begin to fall for him, you shouldn’t even think about it.
Caring about him was already something you shouldn’t, but still did.
You shouldn’t crave his touch in any way and you should especially not have nightmares that involved him, but you still did also that, even though two of the people that were dead in your nightmare, were dead because of him in reality.
You let out a big sigh, ran a hand over your face before you got out of the shower again, dried your hair and body and eventually slipped your underwear and his shirt over before you looked into the mirror.
What the hell was wrong with you?

“Feeling better?”, he asked as he looked up as soon as you opened the door of the bathroom and slipped back into his room. 
“Yeah…thank you”, you mumbled with a small smile.
″Anytime, you know that”, he said before you gave him a small nod and walked back over to the bed as you saw how Negan slipped back beneath the sheets on the couch.
There was this bittersweet feeling in your body that let you ask yourself, how things would develop once one of the sides would make a move, once things would get awfully real again.
And that was just a matter of time.

part 18


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An imagine about the premiere of season 8

the latest part 
all other previous parts

(Side note: You don’t have to read any previous parts to understand the plot! I hope you all like it and enjoy reading)

(The gif isn’t mine/ it was originally posted by dancing-at-the-funeralparty)

image

The faint moonlight shone through the big windows in Negan’s room as you turned yourself once again in his bed.
Things hadn’t been easy lately, to be honest, they were pretty fucked up since this one night.
And since this one night, you were at the Sanctuary with Negan, away from Rick and the others, especially your brother Daryl.
If everything wasn’t messed up enough already, you could add something else to the list: This weird thing between Negan and you that grew and formed into something more from day to day, regardless of how much you had tried to deny it.

You rolled over once again as your glance caught Negan who laid sleeping on his big leather couch, that was his bed since the war in Alexandria had begun where you hadn’t just saved him from walker Sasha, where he had also almost killed Carl and where you had killed a good bunch of his men in Alexandria after the battle had begun.
You had been mad at him, even after you had found out how much he actually cared about you, even though your anger about him hadn’t stayed the way it should’ve.
And that shimmered even more through.
Even though you had asked to sleep on the couch to recollect yourself a little you ended up in the bed and even worse, you ended up missing him there with you.
Of course, this thing wasn’t just messing with you, it was clearly messing with him as well.
There were rules.
Killing his men had definitely been against the rules, but he couldn’t get himself to punish you.
The only thing he did was making it seem to his people like you had gotten your proper punishment even though the thought of harming a hair on your head wouldn’t ever cross his mind.

Your thoughts had only given you two more hours of sleep until you woke up again, but this time you didn’t find Negan sleeping, instead he was sitting on the couch, tensed and slightly growling while he had his elbows propped on his knees and stared at the ground.
Before you could even think about doing or not doing something his glance shot up to you.
You gulped hardly down as you looked at him and saw how he sighed once again before you slowly sat up.
“Are you okay?”, you quietly asked, some concern mixing into your voice.
Sure, you could bite your tongue for asking, he clearly wasn’t okay but your sleepy self really didn’t know what to say.
“Yeah, I just-“, he began but cut himself off as he stroke tensed with his hand over his face before pinching the bridge of his nose for a short moment.
“Why didn’t you ever fucking try to kill me in my sleep and nope, not talking ‘bout now. I’m talking about those nights we had at the fucking beginning”, he suddenly asked with a tension in his voice as he looked at you.
“I think you know that”, you quietly said while you leaned back against the backrest.
“I wanna hear it fucking anyway. So just tell me”, he urged before you sighed and began to raise your voice.
“Well…That would’ve been the same thing like Carl and Rosita did..and one person shit always goes wrong…what happened was unlucky to them and…and it made them weaker…but If they had been “lucky” they would’ve killed you but that wouldn’t have just made their problem vanish…Your men would’ve killed them and everybody at home as well. There’d be nothing left. Same thing would’ve happened if I’d done it…So no that was no option…”, you said before you quickly raised your voice again.
“It’s not…I’m not making an accusation towards Rosita or Carl or even Sasha, I understand them… I just think they had the wrong ways”, you muttered, seeing how Negan’s jaw began to tense.
“So you fucking thought about it?”, he asked almost offended, switching for a short moment out of the tension build trance he had been swaying in for the last minutes.
“Negan, you had just killed two of my damn friends, would’ve been a little weird if I didn’t have thoughts about revenge”, you said as he huffed but slightly nodded before he stayed silent for a few moments.

“And what would you’ve fucking done when I’d let you stay there?”, he asked as he looked at you before you gave him a questioning glance, still wondering what he wanted to achieve with this.
“Just tell me”, he urged tensed before you sighed, pondered for a short moment and eventually gave yourself a push.
“I think…I would’ve started to scavenge for weapons and other communities immediately but careful while making sure that none of you all see it…I’d just… I‘d make sure that you think that we’re holding onto that deal while we’re actually doing the opposite…and then when the time was right and we got everything…numbers, weapons and so on to actually fight and be able to win, I would’ve done it…Yeah, probably similar to what they did, in the end, …but the thing is I can tell you for sure is that I wouldn’t have giving up..I would have just done it while trying my best to keep a clear head and not let my hate take too much over and make everything worse”, you mumbled while you could see Negan nod again, while he stared at the fluffy carpet.
You pondered for a bit, asking yourself if you were doing the right thing before you gave yourself another push. 
“You should sleep in the bed again”, you quietly said before Negan looked up to you and gulped hardly down.
“I won’t make you sleep on this damn couch”, he said seriously as he nodded to the leather couch he was still sitting on before you quietly sighed.
You had offered him more than once to sleep instead of him there, but this time was different.
“I meant with me”, you said reluctantly as the curiosity in his eyes began to rise.
“You fucking sure?”, he asked while the curiosity was still stuck in his glance
“Yes”, you said before you saw Negan nodding and saw how he slowly stood with a small groan up.
”Last chance, once I’m in there with you, you won’t get me out again”, he said, now with a small grin.
”I know”, you said as a small grin painted on your lips as well before Negan slipped quickly beneath the sheets.
His warmth spread just as quickly through the bed while you liked to feel it way more than you wanted to.
He wasn’t just the oddly funny, teasing and charming even loving man he mostly was when he was around you, he was also the man who was just at the beginning of a war with the people you called your family.
And that was the biggest reason why you held yourself back from letting yourself inch closer to him before you finally dozed off.

The sun stood almost at its highest point on the next day as a knock on the door seemed to get a small change in your daily routine of switching between the bed and the couch till Negan would come over with lunch.
“Still sleeping?”, you heard Simon’s voice call through the door before you got up from the leather couch and opened the door.
There he was, your bodyguard.
Since it should look like you got your punishment, you spent your day for over a week now mostly alone in Negan’s room except the times you both were having breakfast, lunch or dinner together and every time you were going outside you had Simon right next to you who accompanied you everywhere you went as soon as you made a step out of Negan’s room.
Actually, you felt almost like a damn prisoner but probably, that was exactly what Negan wanted you to look like to anybody else at the Sanctuary, at least for now.
Whenever he then saw you in the hallways he pretended to ignore you and treat you in front of the others as if you weren’t there but there was no doubt that he was watching with eagle eyes over you and making sure that no one could just look at you the wrong way.

“Negan wants me to get you to meet him”, Simon said as he leaned against the doorframe.
You just nodded as you could see in his face that he could definitely think of better things than playing your bodyguard, but so could you.

Just moments later you made your way with him through the hallways of the Sanctuary, walked stairs up and down while you asked yourself where he was taking you.
“You can already go up, just wait at the door on the next floor. I’ll be with you in a minute”, he said with a nod to the heavy metal before you walked through the door and could see through the small window how Simon vanished as soon as you were inside.
With a small huff, you began to walk the stairs up that wrapped itself around several corners before you could see a figure just a few steps above you that made you gulp down.
One of Negan’s wives, Amber to be more exact.
You weren’t too keen on them, rather the opposite and you were pretty sure that this was mutual.
You weren’t sure if you should greet her or not, but as she just kept sternly staring to the ground as you walked by you just decided to keep silent, just do your thing and go up to the door.
„You actually like him, don’t you?”, you suddenly heard her voice ask before you stopped and turned around to her, not sure what to say but especially really not in the mood to discuss that with her of all people.

Her empty glance went up, but not to you, it just went straight to the wall.
“This guy from your community he told us-them…he told them that we’re disposable to Negan”, she said, still not looking at you while you tried to figure out what she wanted to achieve with all this.
“He also said that you’re not…I think he’s right”, she said, gulping down hardly while every single muscle in her face and body seemed to tense.
“Why-…Why are you telling me all this?”, you quietly and confused asked as you looked down to her.
Her brows pulled tight, forming her face into an anger-filled expression as she first looked up to you.
“Cause if Negan gets rid of us because of you…we…I got some real problems”, she growled trembling as she glared at you while the undertone in her voice was tensed.
Still confused you looked at her before you heard Simon’s loud voice calling through the hall.
“Ladies, who the hell told you to have a little chat? Whatever, just stop”, you heard his voice call before it rose again.
“(Y/N), up to the door, Amber, just go back to wherever you came from”, he called before you let out a small huff, looked at Amber who stared back to the wall before you made your way up.

“What did wifey ask you?”, Simon asked as soon as he closed the door behind him.
“Couldn’t form a real question before you called”, you lied while Simon raised his brows questioning.
“Alright”, he said while his eyes focused on you before he began to walk and made a finger movement for you to come with him.

Minutes later he stopped in front of a door, knocked and opened it as you already saw how Negan stood up from the couch he had been sitting on.
”Come in Sweetheart”, he said, coming closer as you stepped into a rather big room, filled with all kind of things people could spend their free time with.
A table tennis table with paddles and some balls in one corner, another table that was covered in everything that was needed for a proper poker night stood in another one and a whole lot of other stuff.
“Guessed you could use a little fucking variation”, Negan said as he came even closer towards you.
“Yeah, definitely”, you said as you looked at to him and heard how Simon closed the door again.
“I’m sorry for that shit, Won’t have to keep it that way for a bit more than one, two days”, he said with a slight smile before he nodded over to the table.
„Wanna eat something? I have some goddamn fucking munchies“, he said with a small chuckle as he pointed over to the couch.
You gave him a nod before you felt how his hand placed on your lower back as you walked over to the small table.
“Got some guy who made us some shit”, Negan said as he pointed at the big pizza that laid on the table while the delicious smell began already travel up your nose.
“I do fucking know that it’s not as damn awesome as my spaghetti but I mean, it’s fucking pizza”, he chuckled teasingly with a wink before he let himself fall on the couch.

“Your people use this room too?”, you asked as you took another piece of pizza into your hand that was just as delicious as it smelled.
“Yeah, from time to time. I mean they gotta earn the fine shit that’s in here”, he said before he took another bite.
“You’re here, so well, con-fucking-gratulations”, he chuckled as he leaned deeper into the soft fabric of the couch.
“What did I do to earn it?”, you asked chuckling as you looked over to him.
“Let me sleep with you in the fucking bed”, he chuckled teasingly.
“Just kidding”, he muttered with a grin as his hand that had rested till now on the armrest moved to your shoulder to quickly caress it.
“I still got some damn time left, if you want we could take advantage of this nice ass room”, Negan said, grinning even wider as he seemed to see that you assumed that something dirty was on his mind before he nodded laughing to the table tennis table.
“I mean, I got a whole lot other things that’d come to my mind…there for fucking sure are also other balls you could play with”, he said in a low tone as he grinned widely at you and his tongue slid quickly over his lower lip.
“Yeah, I take the table tennis balls”, you said as you looked with a big grin at him.
“Ouch”, Negan chuckled, placing his hand dramatically over his heart before he got up.

“Already done it?”, he asked a bit later as he walked over to the equipment.
“I mean yeah, but that was a really long time ago”, you said as you looked at the table tennis table.
“No fucking problem, I’ll teach you”, he said with a big grin as he winked at you.
“I bet I could teach you a whole fucking lot more on this thing here”, he purred with a chuckle as you shoved his shoulder and heard him chuckling louder.
“Alright, Alright”, he said laughing, raising his hands yielding before he grabbed one of the paddles that laid on the table.

Within a moment he stood behind you, his arm slung from behind around your waist as he pulled you a little closer and you couldn’t deny that your heart began to beat a little faster.
With a small chuckle, you looked down to his arm before you heard his voice.
“That’s really fucking necessary to show you the best technique”, he chuckled, even slightly purred as his tongue slid quickly over his lower lip.
“Sure”, you said with an ironic undertone as his throaty chuckle let his chest rumble against your back.
“Well anyway, let’s get to fucking business”, he said, his lips close to your ear, as he reached over to the paddle.
“So first, you gotta turn it a bit”, he muttered as he took your hand into his, pushed your fingers into the right position before turning your hand slightly.
“Trust me, Sweetheart, I really fucking know what I’m doing here,”, he chuckled as he slowly let go of your hand.
“You do?”, you teasingly asked as you rose your brows and heard how Negan let out a small and quiet sigh.
“Did that crap for a fucking living”, he said as you turned around to him and saw his face way closer to yours than you had expected as you looked directly into his eyes and felt some weird feeling creating in your stomach.
“Was a fucking gym coach before the shit hit the fan”, he said, now in a more relieved tone while another piece added to the puzzle Negan’s past still was to you.
“Yeah, that fits”, you mumbled as you looked with a small grin at him and saw him curiously raising his brows.
“Now what does that fucking mean?”, he asked, raising his finger to wiggle it at your grin.
“Oh you know”, you laughed while Negan raised his brows.
“I don’t think so”, he teased as he bit his lip while you rolled your eyes laughing at him.
“That commanding tone you can have? I can really imagine how you propel some kids over a sports field”, you laughed while actually, also the soft spot he seems to have for Carl and Judith began to make even more sense to you.
„Mhmm yeah, but you gotta know, I was the best fucking coach of them all“, he chuckled while he still held you as tightly against him as before.
“Of course”, you chuckled seeing how Negan looked with a big grin at you.
“I’ll show you.”

“Fuck”, you cursed as you picked the ball up that had landed for the felt hundredth time on your side and heard Negan chuckle.
“Already frustrated?”, he asked with a big grin on his lips as you got the paddle back up to start another try.
“Nope”, you said, even though you were indeed frustrated, but neither would you ever admit that to him, nor would you give up.
“If you continue that way you’re gonna rip your wound back open”, you said as you nodded over to his chest, where beneath the white shirt he was wearing a bandage wrapped itself around the point where he had cut himself on his last trip outside with you.
“Yeah, just try to distract me”, he said grinning as he winked at you and you let the ball bounce over to him.
“Won‘t fucking work“, he added as he shot the ball back over to you before you reached out to do the same and began to grin as you saw Negan slightly struggling.
”Really?“, you asked teasingly as you saw how he bit his lip.
”Really“, he chuckled as he let his hand twitch to get the ball back over to you.
With a harder hit, you let the ball bounce on the edge of the table of his side as you could already hear Negan groan.
“Holy Fuck”, Negan gasped as he tried to reach out but missed the ball by far.
“That was clearly fucking luck”, he chuckled, obviously trying to provocate you as he raised his brows curiously and waited for your response. 
“It wasn’t, asshole”, you laughed as you saw him chuckle while he picked the ball up and got back to the table.
“Well, show me Sweetheart”, he said in a low tone as he bit his lip before suddenly a choir of timed gunshots let you flinch up.
“Think we got some fucking visitors”, Negan growled as he his glance wandered to the window before he quickly walked over to you.
“I’m coming with you?”, you asked with a questioning glance in your eyes.
“If shit goes down, I don’t fucking want you to wander around here alone”, he muttered while you could feel how you began to tense up.
You had known that it wasn’t a question if an attack from one of the sides would happen but when, but anyway this made you feel sick.
“Looks like Simon’s losing his job as fucking bodyguard earlier than I thought”, he said as he already lead you with him outside.

Just bit later you walked down the stairs while your stomach felt like it was about to turn.
Once again you had to realize that all the moments you had with Negan, regardless of how much you began to somehow enjoy them, had a bittersweet aftertaste.
Again, he wasn’t just the guy who was flirting with you while you were eating some pizza together, he was also still the guy who had killed two of your friends and the guy who was about to step out of this building and continue the war he had with the people you called family.
And the more you were thinking again about this, the worse you felt about the bond you had with Negan that grew stronger and stronger with time.

You felt even more as if you were about to throw up as you reached the door, where already Dwight and two of Negan’s lieutenants stood.
One of them was Gavin, a man who was kinda grumpy but for a Savior pretty merciful and the other one was a woman, whose name you didn’t know and whose face you had only seen a few times before around the Sanctuary.
“So it’s happening now?”, you suddenly heard an oddly familiar voice ask that definitely didn’t belong into the Sanctuary.
And your glance caught this person with Simon just seconds after you had heard his voice.
Gregory.
You couldn’t stop your glance from turning into bewildered as you could tell that the same thing happened to him as his eyes darted at you.
“There comes my new fucking ally”, Negan chuckled as he raised his arm into Gregory’s direction while you could feel how the hate you had for him just grew.
You hadn’t made this deal with him months ago, while Maggie had done that you had already talked to the people in Hilltop to find out more about Negan and to mild the doubts you and all the others somehow had about this mission but you had been with Maggie as you both had talked to him for the first time in his office.
After that, you had already known that was an asshole but he was also something else, probably worse.
A goddamn coward.
And if you were honest with yourself, you weren’t too surprised that he was turning on Rick and the others.
“Gregory, are you actually that fucking nervous? Or why the fuck are you looking as if something just crawled up your damn ass”, Negan chuckled while Gregory ripped his glance away from you and instead just looked to Negan.
“Yes I-I mean, no-no”, he blurted out while Negan chuckled with an even wider grin.
“Anyway, as long as you’re fucking sure about our little deal, I don’t give a single fuck”, Negan said while Gregory nodded eagerly.
“I am”, he assured while he propped his hands on the waistband of his pants and nodded again.
“Great! Well, Gregory, you’re gonna stay here until Simon over here, gets you out and you tell them all the dirty little details of our deal we agreed on before”, Negan said before he turned to the door and took the handle into his leather covered hand.
“It’s fucking showtime!”

“Well, shit. I’m sorry. I was just having a nice ass lunch date”, Negan said as he stepped widely grinning outside while your eyes tried to get used to the bright sunlight.
As they did your glance caught a big bunch of cars parked right in front of you, all of them shielded with welded metal plates while you could see here and there people with raised guns waiting behind them, one of them Rick.
“I see you got your little mudflaps with you. So I’m not exactly feeling a reason for us to try throwing lead at each other”, Negan continued as you could see some more familiar faces between the small spaces the metal plates left.
“I care about my people. I don’t want to just march them into the line of fire because I want to play “my dick is bigger than yours”… It is. We both know it”, Negan chuckled before he raised his voice again.
“But I’m also comfortable enough to accept the fact if it wasn’t. I’m certainly not gonna let my people die over that shit like you’re about to”, he said as he pointed Lucille at Rick.
“So, Rick, what the hell can I do for you?”, he asked, grinning way too much for a man who was confronted with an army of armed people who all wanted his death.
“First. Nothing’s gonna happen to (Y/N). She’s gonna be more than fine”, Rick said as you got a small glimpse of him between the metal of the cars.
You kept looking into Rick’s direction as you could see from the corner of your eyes how Negan tensed as he heard Rick‘s voice again.
“Remember how she killed your men? One after one? She’s still with us”, you heard Rick call out while Negan’s jaw clenched even tighter.
“She’s always gonna be with us, one of us”, he added while a small smile pressed into the corners of your lips but the exact opposite happened on Negan’s.
“Dwight. Your name’s Simon. You’re Gavin. And you-”, Rick began, stopping as he came to the woman.
“Regina”, she called out before you heard Eugene’s voice.
“ Rick, I’d feel remiss if-” he began but got quickly cut off by Rick.
“No. I know who you are”, he growled.
“Listen, you five. The Saviors inside. All of you have a chance to survive here. To survive this. You all can live if you surrender. Can’t guarantee it anytime but now. Right now”, you heard Rick’s voice sound through the metal while Negan still stood grinning at the railing,
“So they surrender and you and your little piss patrol doesn’t kill them. That sounds like a good deal! What about me, Rick?”, Negan asked, raising his brows curiously:
“I told you. Twice. You know what’s going to happen”, Rick growled loudly.
“I do. I do know what’s gonna happen”, Negan said as he stepped away from the railing.
“You don’t”, he called out as he pointed into Rick’s direction and you could feel the tension in your body that was already almost unbearable grow even more.
“You have no idea the shit that’s about to go down. Let me ask you something, Rick…Do you think you have the numbers for this fight?…You don’t”, Negan said with a stern tone in his voice before you saw how he turned to his side.
“Simon?”, he asked before Simon got inside and came only a moment later with Gregory out.
“What do you have to say to the Rick and the piss patrol, Gregory?”, Negan asked as he laid an arm around Gregory’s shoulder. 
“The Hilltop stands with Negan and the Saviors. Any resident of the Hilltop who takes up arms or who supports this ultimatum against the Sanctuary or any of the Saviors, for that matter – they will no longer be welcome in the colony”, he called out while you couldn’t do else than let out a small but disgusted huff.
“And?”, Negan asked as he looked at Gregory.
“Their families will be thrown out and will be left to fend for themselves”, he added, while you couldn’t believe what this coward was doing right there.
“And?”, Negan asked again as he now patted but let go of Gregory’s shoulder.
“Go home now. Or you won’t have a home to go back to”
“You heard the man. Go back to separating wheat and shit or whatever the hell it is you people do.
Doesn’t look like anyone’s goin’, does it?”, you heard Maggie’s voice call from behind a metal plate
“Hilltop stands with-”, Gregory began before he got harshly cut off.
“The Hilltop stands with Maggie!”, Jesus’ voice called out while you couldn’t you couldn’t stop a small grin from pressing into the corners of your lips.
He who laughs last, laughs loudest, right Gregory?

Within a second you saw how Simon’s glance turned anger filled before he stumped over to Gregory.
“I feel like I invested a lot in you, and I am very, very disappointed”, he called out as he pushed repeatedly his chest, Gregory’s glance filled with terror before he got ultimately pushed down the stairs.
“Sounds like shit is goin’ down, Rick”, Negan said as he stepped closer to the railing.
“You lieutenants, you’re gonna have to make up your minds”, Rick called out while you watched Negan closely, who began to tense up.
“Maybe we can take a time-out here -”, Gavin began before Rick immediately cut him off.
“- No. This has to happen now. This is the only way”, Rick called out while the grin had now completely vanished from Negan’s face.
“You’re gonna make me count?”, Rick asked provocative while you let out a stressed breath-
“Okay. Okay. I’m counting…10! 9! 8! 7″, Rick’s voice sounded through the air before it got replaced by a relentless gun rattling that let your pulse shoot up.

Before you could do anything, you felt how one of Negan’s lieutenants who stormed past you pushed you against the railing and let you lose balance.
In between the gunshots, you could hear Negan’s voice calling out to you as your breath stopped for a moment as your back hit the hard ground.
The rattling of the guns continued as you rolled groaning on your side, pushing yourself against the dead walker that laid next to you to use it as a shield.
No one would shoot directly at you, of course not, but the uncontrolled shooting of the guns let you doubt that no bullet would accidentally make its way into your direction.
Still gasping you looked up, searching for Negan as you found him laying on the ground, his eyes darted widened at you before you could barely hear him calling your name again.
Within a second your eyes were the ones who widened as you saw Negan’s face tensing in pain, his leg twitching dangerously as he groaned while gasping for air.
Panic shot through your body as you saw the way he squirmed, your mind already figuring out a way to get over to him before you heard the sound of an engine coming closer.
Over the walker’s body, you could only catch a glimpse of the RV that rolled towards you and didn’t seem to stop anytime soon.
Before you could think of something else you jumped up and ran until a load boom let you flinch up right as the blast of the explosion urged you forcefully to the ground.
The pounding of your head got stronger as you found yourself on the ground once again, your body hurting as your eyes tried to find Negan but instead captured the metal that had clothed the RV that was now nothing else than a burning carcass.
Trembling and quietly groaning you crawled over to it, pressed yourself against the metal as you tried to catch a breath.
Your heart kept pounding relentlessly against your chest, your breath made your ribcage move uncomfortably and harshly up and down as your eyes first caught Negan.
Limping, groaning and with Lucille tightly in his hand he shoved himself along the wall before your call made him look up to you.
His glance changed as he saw you before made one more jump to land next to you.
Before he could do anything else gunshots that hit the metal let you flinch up and you didn’t need to think a lot to figure out who wanted to kill Negan so badly.
As soon as the first bullet hit the metal Negan’s eyes widened in shock, his arms reached panicking out to grab you, drag you away from the opening in the metal that was horribly close to your body before he pulled you into his lap as more and more bullets hit the metal.
He pressed you tightly against his chest as his large hand cupped the side of your face to push it against his neck and keep you deeply in his embrace.
“He doesn’t know I’m here with you, He’ll stop when he sees me”, you called out in between the gunshots, in hope Negan would hear you.
He did.
He did hear you but his scoffs in protest and his arms that wrapped tighter around you told you that the both of you had pretty different plans.
He stayed like that, holding you the way that you were completely enclosed by his arms and body, forming him into a living shield while your face was pressed that close against his neck that you could bet to be able to feel the harsh and unbelievable fast way his pulse pounded.

After the rattle of the gun had stopped for a bit to be sure that it was wouldn’t start again, the tight hold Negan had on you slowly loosened before he eventually made you look at him.
“Fuck, are you alright?”, he asked, still out of breath while his eyes wandered over your body even though you nodded over and over again.
“Why didn’t you let me try to stop him?”, you asked as you looked bewildered at him, your glance wandering from his twitching leg to his face.
“And risk that you take a fucking bullet before you get to say a damn word?”, he asked in with a growling undertone back before you let out a sigh and heard fast footsteps coming closer.
”Sir?”, you heard a male voice ask whose owner eventually stopped right next to you and already stretched his hand out to Negan to help him up.
”Nope, nope you make sure she gets fucking safe inside. I still gotta take care of some shit”, Negan said before your glance shot over to him.
“Negan you can’t do that, you have to get to your damn doc”, you said as you stared bewildered at him.
“I’ll be fine, I’ll be damn fucking fine”, he said as you already felt how the man began to pull you up.
With a quick and harsh movement, you wriggled yourself out of his grab and just stared from Negan’s leg to his face.
“Negan-”, you urged sternly but got cut off.
“As I fucking said, I’ll be fine. We all got shit to do, and your shit is to get fucking safe inside”, he said in an just as urging tone before you scoffed while you got on your feet and had to realize that you wouldn’t win this discussion.
You looked hardly swallowing at him before you let the man guide you away from Negan, hoping deeply that he knew what he was doing.

You kept walking reluctantly before you began to hear way too familiar groans and your eyes shot back to the place where Negan had laid just seconds ago.
He was already gone.
You felt how the panic in you grew before your eyes suddenly widened as your glance captured another face that shouldn’t even be here anymore.
Gabriel.



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